TortoiseMaiden
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The week before Harry Potter’s eleventh birthday passes with nothing whatsoever out of the ordinary. His birthday is a non-event, the same as it has been every year for nearly a decade.
Petunia Dursley breathes a sigh of relief.
No letters from the unmentionable school are dropped through their door, no owls - nor cats! - keep watch over their house, and she will never know that if things had gone to plan, her husband would be forced to spend a back-achingly long Wednesday night camped in front of their boarded-up letter slot.
All is well at No. 4 Privet Drive, and the Dursleys couldn’t be much happier. The less said about Harry Potter, the better.
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She looks almost as pale as four months before, when the Devil followed them home.
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“Where’d you hear it,” Harrington says, finally.
Eddie gestures up. Around in a circle. Then just watches his hand travel in the air, distracted by his own rings. “Thanks man, yeah, that helps so much,” Harrington says, meanly, when the pause stretches on. “Great fucking talking to you.”
“Does it matter where?”
“Kind of why I asked,” Harrington says.
Eddie pushes himself upright.
“Your—young squire,” he says. “Has a lot of—biology homework. Of late.”
“Fuck,” Harrington says.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 80,638
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Comments:
- 287
- Kudos:
- 532
- Bookmarks:
- 155
- Hits:
- 11,707
Bookmarked by TortoiseMaiden
26 Jul 2026
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AUGHGHH!! This is THE best, funniest Eddie I've ever read, good lord.
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When the teacher turns away, Harrington sighs. Slouches in his seat. Tips his head back far enough that their eyes accidentally meet. It's not Harrington who looked away first. It almost never was. In the dream, though, Billy can look and look. And look, and look, and look. The devil doesn't mind about this part of him. Maybe appreciates how useful it is.
”…leave the family, flee the church, kill the vermin, vomit the heart, forget the dead.”
—Jenny HolzerBookmarked by TortoiseMaiden
26 Jul 2026
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Jaw-droppingly good, also very, very dark.
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By Hook or By Crook by Gemi, Prim_the_Amazing
Fandoms: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
22 Jun 2026
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Transmigration is a dream come true. It’s only a shame he has this of all things come true. Him! As Ming Fan! The boy who grew up only to die of ants. It had been an almost well-deserved death, sure, but Shen Yuan is the one in the body now and he would rather fucking not.
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A humble transmigrator is assigned a role he does not find particularly flattering. Can he please get recast?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 105,530
- Chapters:
- 16/?
- Comments:
- 2,245
- Kudos:
- 5,436
- Bookmarks:
- 1,694
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- 121,410
Bookmarked by TortoiseMaiden
24 Apr 2025
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Finished ch 16
This is so dark..... but very well written
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Striking a Chord by startingatmidnight
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir
04 Apr 2026
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Living on a spaceship with an alien that exclusively speaks in song can really recontextualize karaoke for a guy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,673
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 269
- Kudos:
- 3,701
- Bookmarks:
- 941
- Hits:
- 15,510
Bookmarked by TortoiseMaiden
07 Jul 2026
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The Astrobiology Immersion Program by startingatmidnight
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir
10 May 2026
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It's not every day you wake up with five arms and no eyes, but Ryland Grace stopped having normal days a very long time ago.
Series
- Part 1 of The Astrobiology Immersion Program
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,280
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 2,939
- Kudos:
- 13,113
- Bookmarks:
- 4,269
- Hits:
- 143,739
Bookmarked by TortoiseMaiden
06 Jul 2026