Chapter Text
Mera stares at the morning after pill and it stares right back at her.
God, what the fuck was she thinking last night?
This is infinitely worse than last time.
She had made this choice herself, completely sober and conscious. She had let her brother fuck her without any protest.
This is horrifying. It feels like some ludicrous joke. The sight of the pill and glass of water on her childhood desk is not helping, not at all.
Stepping outside felt like going to war completely unprepared.
How is she supposed to face Satoru? Etsuyo?
Mera was beyond repulsed with herself.
Her whole body felt disgusting as she walked past her parents; the plan B still felt as though it was in her throat, there was dried up jizz between her thighs, the marks Satoru left behind ached like a brand.
Revulsion doesn’t even begin to cover how she feels about her own state.
The young woman wanted to scrub it all off. Rid herself of any trace of her own misgivings.
Remorse quickly made itself home in her body as she walked to the bathroom. The same guilt that had gripped her the first time Satoru had refused to acknowledge what they had done, grips her again.
Mera hopes a long shower will be enough.
“Satoru,” She calls out quietly, her hand reaching out to tug on her brother’s wrist and pull him back to her.
This quiet corner in their childhood home is the closest Mera has been able to get with Satoru all day—he’s been avoiding her.
“We need to talk about last night,”
“It was a mistake Mera, we shouldn’t talk about it here,”
Wow. Okay. That ‘this is a mistake’ bullshit again.
“You can’t just—”
“Babe? Oh, there you are, I was beginning to think you were having your stomach problems again,” The sweet voice of Etsuyo cuts Mera off, causing her to let go of his wrist.
Oh, great.
The younger watches with a heavy heart as Satoru slips right into his wife’s arms when she comes around, not even sparing Mera a glance.
The silence that envelops the nook is loud, the blonde suppressing tears as she stands there, completely motionless. Mera’s hand balling up into fists as she wills herself not to cry.
Fuck, she hates him.
She hates him. She hates him. She hateshim. She hateshimshehateshimhateshi—
“Mera?”
“Huh?”
Makoto only gives her a weak smile, leaning on her cubicle as he sighs. “You’ve been down all week, I can tell, how about you tag along tonight?” His eyes gleam with concern, eager to hear her response.
She knows what he’s asking, why he’s asking for her to tag along to the bar with the rest of their coworkers. Ever since the Christmas party, Makoto considers himself a friend of sorts to Mera.
She appreciates the sentiment, but really, right now she just wants to be left alone.
“I… I’m not well with alcohol, Makoto,” she manages to say, a perfect excuse that the young man shrugs off. “So? Even better, get shitfaced and forget about whatever has you down in the dumps!”
An unimpressed expression is quickly directed Makoto’s way, Mera exasperated. “Temporarily! I’ll remember it in the morning in addition to the horrible hang over I’ll have to deal with,” She continues to try and make excuses, seriously running out of reasons not to come. And it seemed her coworker realized too.
“Oh, Mera, just come along,” the brunet tries a different approach this time. “I can’t in good faith leave you here knowing that this might help you feel better even just for a few hours.” Makoto adds, a small smile on his face.
It gets Mera to cave. Probably because she’s been secretly needing to go out to take her mind off things but also more likely because she simply no longer wanted to be hassled by the young man. Makoto hardly backed down—which, when trying to secure deals were great, but anywhere else it’s an pain—especially now that they were a little more than acquaintances.
So, against all odds, Mera was out with her coworkers, drinking and also surprisingly enjoying herself.
Mera ended up befriending (which was putting it generously) a good three, slightly tipsy people and giving Makoto her number because he would not stop insisting that she needed someone to talk to here and there when she was off work after finding out that his colleague didn’t do much out of work.
‘Very anti-social of her’ Makoto had boasted loudly after one too many beers. She could only give an awkward smile back in response.
“You should come along more often, really,” Makoto says as they walk out of the bar, shoving his hands into his coat’s pockets; it’s still pretty chilly for the beginning of February.“I mean, you’re telling me you did nothing during New Year’s? Not even watch fireworks?”
The blonde sends him a weary glare—one of many Mera’s sent his way the whole evening—before sighing and nodding. “Yes, I don’t get why that’s a big deal,” Mera shrugs, looking away and towards her feet. “Of course it’s a big deal! You’re a young woman in Tokyo, the world is at your fingertips and you’re not utilizing it!” Makoto exclaims.
Pausing, Mera turns to look at the brunet. “You have had too many beers and completely misread me,” Despite her discouraging words, it doesn’t seem to put him down.
“No, I think you just need a little nudging in the right direction,” A statement that Mera only rolls her eyes at (a few more eye rolls and her eyes will be permanently stuck). “Being alone won’t kill me, Makoto,” The retort is deflective, the young woman not wishing to hear him out.
“It won’t, yes, but life is always a little bit more fun with more people,”
There’s silence for a while then,
“I disagree,”
A response which earns Mera a slight chuckle from the man beside her.
“Everyone wants connection, Mera, and I’m sure you do too,” His voice is softer this time around. “It’s not a bad thing if you like to keep to yourself more than others do but you can still have that while having people around you. Just because you like being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.” Makoto adds while opening the car door for Mera.
There’s a small smile on his face as he watches Mera get in. “You should really come along next time we do this again, I don’t know what’s on your mind but you looked like you enjoyed the company tonight, and I assure you the others did too—they were surprised you even laughed at their jokes,” the thought seems to crack the young man up.
As she put her keys into the ignition Mera sighs. “Alright, alright, Makoto, I got it, I need human connection blah blah, I’ll tag along next time too if it makes you happy,” She says without much thought, looking around her car to make sure she has everything.
“The fact that you are so quick to agree only means that you actually do!” Her colleague exclaims once more.
Mera can only huff is slight amusement—her colleague was witty, she promptly thinks to herself. “I will block your number on my phone if you exclaim one more time,” Mera threatens though it lacks much anger. “It’s nearly eleven, you should go before you miss your train.”
Makoto doesn’t seem too concerned about her threat but does agree he needs to head to the station or else he’ll miss the train. God, this boy and missing his trains—he should get his driver’s license already. But then again, Makoto did drink so the car wouldn’t be of much help.
They both bid each other good night and go their separate ways. Mera sitting with Makoto’s words the whole ride back to her place.
’Everyone wants connection, Mera, and I’m sure you do too’
’Just because you like being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely’
Yeah, right.
Mera didn’t need connection, she didn’t want connection. She was perfectly fine without it and she’s been managing alright by herself. Mera didn’t need all that because people are complicated and Mera doesn’t do difficult things, life was already arduous enough.
Well, okay, Satoru—
Shut up.
God, great. Now she’s thinking about Satoru again.
Just amazing.