Chapter Text
People had begun to stare.
Of course, Hana wasn’t the only crying baby in the room, but she had been going on for a while, and nothing Joe did seemed to calm her down.
He had considered taking Hana back to the car and driving straight home, but the head nurse asked all parents to wait for a moment to ensure their babies had no immediate allergic reaction to the shots. So Joe had stayed, and had been doing his absolute best to try to distract Hana from what seemed to be the worst experience of her entire life.
As she refused the bottle that Joe had heated up, he sighed, allowing himself to look around. It didn’t take him long to notice he was the only solo parent.
Most omegas or betas were accompanied by their mates, sometimes flanked by a beaming grandparent or even a sibling. His heart felt heavy, so he held Hana closer, pressing his lips to her forehead and ignoring all the curious looks.
Joe no longer feared his niece would be taken away from him. He knew he was doing the responsible thing, getting Hana her 16-week scheduled shots, but alone in that room, he felt almost like he was back at the very beginning of that journey, struggling to carry both Hana and a bag filled with cans of formula, dreading coming home to Younes and Matt’s empty flat, unable to fill even a fraction of the space left by them.
Having Nicky in their lives did help to alleviate some of that burden, so when Joe received the omega’s message that morning, saying he wouldn’t be able to accompany them to the hospital, it hit harder than Joe knew he had any right to. He rationally understood that it didn’t mean anything, that accompanying Hana to her doctor’s appointments was never part of Nicky’s duties — and Joe always tried to make it clear he didn’t have to — but Nicky seemed happy to tag along.
In truth, Nicky always seemed happy to be around Hana, which both broke and healed Joe’s heart. Still, he couldn’t help the feeling that they were running against the clock here, that too soon Nicky would be snatched from their lives. After all, the omega was kind and beautiful... surely there must be an alpha in Nicky’s life who was better suited than Joe would ever be. Right?
Busy with Hana, Joe had no idea how long he allowed himself to get lost in that dreary future, the one without Nicky, when he was brought back to the present by one of the nurses approaching them. She merely glanced at Hana’s arm before announcing they were free to go with a quick check on her clipboard. Joe opened his mouth to ask if she was sure, for Hana hadn’t stopped crying, but the nurse had already moved to the next patient.
He sat there for a moment, feeling lost and angry, but made a decision before he could think too much about it. Joe gathered Hana’s bag and marched to the elevator.
Their next appointment with Dr. Scythia was still weeks away, but he just... he needed to see a familiar face, someone he knew who cared for Hana. It was painful and even a bit embarrassing to remember he didn’t have many people to talk to outside of the workplace, let alone to ask questions. Joe hadn’t missed his parents in years, but now he wished that things were different, that he could phone his mama and just ask for advice.
After arriving on the third floor, Joe’s feet took him to the familiar corridor that led to Dr. Scythia’s office. As he walked, he tried not to think about the first time he was there. A time Hana had felt too light in his arms, a time when he had thought he would lose her as he had lost his brother.
Joe shook his head, wondering if the doctor would even be there when he spotted two figures standing right outside a familiar door. As he got closer, both of them jumped in surprise.
“... Yusuf?”
It took Joe a moment to recognise Quỳnh. They hadn’t seen each other since Youne and Matt’s funeral, and his memories of that day were hazy at best. But now he was alert enough, and he couldn’t help noticing the way Dr. Scythia’s hand had been gently placed on the shoulder of his boss’s mate right before it was swiftly pulled away.
“Mr. Al-Kaysani.” Dr. Scythia’s eyes flickered red, but she had a smile on her face. “You’re a few weeks early for our next appointment.”
Joe felt himself pinned to the ground, but Hana’s cries brought him to action. Whatever he had interrupted couldn’t be as important as his niece’s well-being.
“Sorry–” It was clear he had just interrupted a private conversation. “Hana got her shots today, and she– she won’t stop crying.” Joe shook his head. “I have tried to–”
Dr. Scythia and Quỳnh exchanged a glance before looking back at the crying bundle in Joe’s arms.
“Where’s Mr. Di Genova?” asked Dr. Scythia as she gathered her stethoscope.
Hana’s cries didn’t stop as the doctor reached out, but Joe felt how his niece seemed to relax some in his arms, and she allowed herself to be examined without struggling.
“He couldn’t make it today...” Joe managed, ignoring Quỳnh’s piercing gaze. “Do you think this–?” he paused, unsure of how to formulate his concerns.
“Could be,” Dr. Scythia conceded as she listened to Hana’s chest before checking on her arm. “Hana looks fine, Joe,” she said with a tired but kind smile. “She’s testy as hell for sure, which I can only assume is due to being in a place she associates with being poked and prodded, and without one of the people she finds comfort with. It will pass. Of course, it could help if– Quỳnh? Could you try to...?”
Quỳnh was stepping between them before Dr. Scythia finished her sentence. She looked up at Joe, her face earnest. “May I?”
Joe understood what she had in mind, and he hesitated for a second. But it didn’t hurt to try. Joe didn’t fancy having Hana bawling in the back seat during the entire ride home.
Besides, there was no guarantee that Nicky would even be home once they came back. He tried to ignore that thought as he nodded. “Sure, go ahead.”
He fought his protective instincts as Quỳnh took Hana in her arms and began to purr to her. The effect wasn’t immediate as it had been with Nicky, and for a very long minute, Joe thought it wouldn’t work, for Hana did struggle at first. Quỳnh didn’t buckle, though. She began humming some song under her breath, her purring becoming a secondary act. Joe couldn’t make out her words, but the tone was soothing enough.
“Do you have anything from this– Di Genova person?” Quỳnh asked. “I’m assuming he’s the omega who’s nursing her?”
Joe nodded. “I brought a bottle of milk and a scent cloth.”
“The bottle then, please,” and Joe nodded, suddenly glad for the money he had spent on the cooler bag, for the bottle was still warm when he handed it over.
With a precise grip, Quỳnh got Hana to latch on the first try. “Poor you,” she said as Hana started to eagerly drink; her purring now subsided.
“All that crying.” Dr. Scythia shook her head, her eyes a little sad. “It will make anyone go hungry.”
“Yes.” Quỳnh looked up, offering Dr. Scythia a half smile. “I can take it from here, Andy... you are in a hurry, right?”
And Joe couldn’t believe his eyes when Dr. Scythia seemed to fluster right in front of them, though she recovered quickly. “There’s a cafeteria on the top floor, shouldn't be too busy right now.”
Quỳnh nodded as Dr. Scythia turned to look at Joe. “Set up an appointment with my secretary if Hana continues to show any discomfort in the next few days. I saw no signs of an allergic reaction, but she might develop a fever. In this case, give her some paracetamol, and if it doesn't break overnight, then take her to the emergency room. Other than that, she should be fine.”
“Thank you,” Joe said and tried to look away as Dr. Scythia and Quỳnh shared a charged look before the alpha turned on her heels and walked away.
“Come,” Quỳnh said, nodding towards the lift. “You look like you could use a cup of coffee... I know I could.”
And that’s how Joe found himself sitting across from his boss’s mate as she drank her coffee (no cream and two sugars) after she gave him a sated Hana back so he could burp her.
All the crying surely must have exhausted Hana, because she fell asleep the second Joe got her in the crook of his arm. He finally allowed himself to relax as her eyes slipped closed. He let out a heavy sigh and grabbed his cup, carefully bringing it to his mouth.
“It tastes like someone sieved this through a charred sock.” Quỳnh grimaced as she placed her half-empty cup down. She looked up with a smirk. “My father said it serves me right for leaving home, where all the good coffee is.”
“Where is home?” Joe asked. He didn’t know much about Quỳnh other than she met Younes through a college function, and that was how Joe got his job with D. in the first place.
“Vietnam,” Quỳnh replied, staring at the cup in her hands. “Yours is Tunisia, right?”
Joe nodded, fearing she was going to bring up Younes. He wasn’t in the mood, but Quỳnh just helped him with Hana, so he didn’t feel like he could refuse to answer if she asked. So he was surprised by her next words.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to Delia... that you saw me here today.”
It took Joe a second to understand Quỳnh was talking about his boss. At work, everyone called her mate just ‘D’.
“Of course,” Joe said, though he wasn’t sure at what exactly he was agreeing with.
Quỳnh had been the one who had recommended Dr. Scythia, so it was no secret they knew each other. Yet, when Joe thought about it, Dr. Scythia was a paediatrician, and Quỳnh didn’t have her son with her at the moment. Joe had seen him in the office a couple of times, a little boy with dark hair and a mischievous smile.
“Thank you for understanding,” she said, picking a pastry from the little basket Joe had brought along with their coffees. “Delia gets worried, and she has a lot on her mind already.”
Joe took another sip of his coffee. It was bad, yes, but he always preferred tea anyway. “I’m working from home this afternoon so that I won’t be seeing her until Monday.”
Quỳnh pulled the pastry apart in her hands. It was filled with some dark jam, but Joe couldn’t tell what it was. It smelled mostly of sugar anyway.
“How is she?”
Joe glanced down at Hana, now fast asleep, hands clutched to Nicky’s scent cloth. He felt himself relaxing despite everything.
“She’s getting there.”
“She kept looking at me funny,” Quỳnh said, but there was fondness in her voice. “While she drank her bottle.”
“She’s used to Nicky,” Joe said without thinking. Quỳnh raised her eyebrows. “He’s her wetnurse.”
Quỳnh nodded. “We considered finding one for Zeus. My milk dried up in the second, third month...? He eventually accepted the formula, so we didn’t have to, in the end.”
That was the first time Joe had heard any of that, so he merely nodded in reply.
“It’s fine, he’s doing great nowadays,” she sighed, her shoulders slumping. “So that’s what got her so worked up? Nicky not being here? They must be very close.”
Joe felt his tongue dry, so he took another sip of coffee. “He’s amazing with her. I– we were very lucky to find him.”
Quỳnh took a small bit of her pastry. “How long is his contract?”
“Hmm.” Joe felt his face grow warmer, though he couldn’t say exactly why. “Until Hana begins to eat solids, so a few months yet, but I–”
He paused. Something twisted inside his chest, preventing the words from getting out. He dipped his nose to the top of Hana’s head, allowing her scent to ground him. Nicky's scent was also there, lighter but soothing all the same. Quỳnh watched with curiosity, but didn’t press.
“It’s just– I think it would be good for Hana if, if he could stay a little longer.”
Quỳnh grinned, and Joe looked down at his hands, one wrapped around his cup, the other cupping Hana's body as she drooled against his chest. Nicky’s scent cloth was pressed between them.
“It’s not just about the milk, right?” Quỳnh said after a moment, her voice serious as if she was citing something from a textbook.
Joe nodded. He remembered a conversation between Matt and Younes, after Hana had been born, but before Younes’ milk had come. His brother had been crying angry tears, frustrated with his body in a way Joe hadn't ever seen before.
‘What if I cannot feed her?’ Younes asked after sending all the nurses away and covering his face with both hands.
‘Darling, it's fine,’ Matt said, embracing his mate. He didn’t quite fit in the hospital bed, one of his legs bent at an awkward angle. ‘We will figure it out. The most important thing is that our baby will never want for love... your heart is big enough to feed a whole crowd.’
Joe snorted at the memory, for Younes’ follow-up had been some joke about cannibalism, which prompted Matt to look thoroughly scandalised. It helped Younes to relax, though. Things got better, until...
Joe flinched. He always tried not to think about the day of the accident, but the memories would sneak up on him anyway. The constant buzzing of his phone, the rushing down corridors, trying to get a straight answer from the police and the doctors, all while he had Hana in his arms, not allowing anyone to take her... and through all this, as if she somehow knew, Hana had never cried out, not once, as if she had been able to feel her uncle had been entrusted with so much more than he could ever handle...
He closed his eyes and again scented the top of Hana’s head. Joe drank more coffee as he wondered, not for the first time, if the love in his heart would ever be enough to keep Hana’s soul fed. Most days, Joe felt he was stumbling in the dark, much like he had in the first 24 hours following the accident, begging for a miracle, hoping someone would tell him things would be okay, that he would make it work...
‘You did your best, and it was enough. Hana is okay.’
Joe shivered.
It had been a little more than a month since Nicky had said those words to him, on the first day they met, and yet he couldn’t help but remember them with a pang of sadness. He couldn’t reconcile the way Nicky fit so easily into their daily routines and what felt like his imminent departure from their lives. And Joe knew he had no right to demand or expect anything, so he tried to ignore the way his chest tightened as he thought about the void that would be left in Nicky’s place.
“Yusuf?” Quỳnh called, and Joe felt like kicking himself.
“Yes, you’re right, it’s more than just the nursing,” he sighed. “Hana also sleeps so much better with Nicky, it’s- it’s like magic.”
Quỳnh made a face. “Oh yes, the mysterious magical powers of the omegas.”
“Sorry,” Joe started. “I didn’t mean to-”
“I’m just fucking with you, Yusuf,” she grinned. “Yeah, babies fucking love us. It’s just the purring, nothing magical about it, I’m afraid. Now–” she paused, holding her cup between her hands. “Tell me more about this Nicky.”
Joe opened his mouth but hesitated. It wasn’t only that he didn’t know much about Nicky’s life to begin with, but also that he didn’t feel like he could reveal the little that had been confided in him. Still, he wanted to talk to someone, so he focused on telling her the things he could. He told Quỳnh about how they had met, how quickly Hana had taken to Nicky, the way he cared for her...
By the time they both had finished their coffees, Quỳnh’s face was doing something weird with her mouth, not quite a smile, but almost there.
“... so I caught him singing to her the other day, right? In Italian,” Joe said, treasuring that particular memory in a way he hadn’t realised until now, the tightness in his chest lessening some. “Her eyes were this big.”
Hana had been wide awake during the whole thing, apparently fascinated by the unusual words. In the end, Nicky’s antics had done the opposite of what he had intended with his singing, which was getting Hana to nap. He had a beautiful voice, which prompted Joe to ask for another song. The omega then laughed one of his rare laughs, but he had indulged him. Later, when Hana had been nursing again, Nicky had asked about lullabies Younes might have sung, so he could try to learn some of them. Joe had been gathering the courage to revisit that particular topic ever since.
“He does sound wonderful,” Quỳnh said once Joe stopped talking.
“Yeah, Nicky is–” Joe nodded, considering his next words. “Hana loves him.”
Quỳnh’s eyes lit up. “Well, she’s not the only one...”
Her tone was teasing, but her face was kind. Still, Joe wanted to protest it. He felt he needed to. He opened his mouth to deny whatever she was implying, but in the end, he couldn’t do it.
He felt himself deflate a little, as if keeping his feelings buried was consuming a huge part of his energy. He didn’t know if he was ready to talk about them, but maybe he should.
“It's not like that,” he started, though his heart wasn’t in it.
“Yusuf.” Quỳnh smiled. “It’s pretty obvious you like this man.”
Joe shook his head. “It doesn’t matter if I do.”
Quỳnh stared back at him for a moment. “Is Nicky mated?”
“I mean– Nile, that’s his friend, the one who introduced us– she said he doesn’t have an alpha,” Joe replied. “Nicky also doesn’t have a mark.”
“Well, even if he had one, it wouldn’t be the end of the world,” Quỳnh said, her voice a little guarded. “You know that, right? The bond– the bonding mark, unless it has meaning... It’s just a scar.”
As she spoke, Quỳnh brushed the side of her neck where her mark should be, probably hidden under her shirt, and Joe wondered if what he saw in her eyes was pain or something else. He was hit by this overwhelming need to reach over the table and hold her hand, but that would be inappropriate, so he held back.
“What do you mean?” he asked, holding onto Hana instead.
Quỳnh looked up, her voice cut in half.
“We don’t choose who we love.”
Joe felt his face burn. “I don’t think I am–” His heart started to beat so fast he was afraid it might wake Hana up. “Do you think I am in love?”
“Do you?” Quỳnh smiled.
Joe considered her question with the seriousness the subject deserved. Yet, when he spoke, he felt like laughing a little.
“Honesty, I don’t think I have ever been in love,” he said. “Not like getting mated and having kids kind of love, anyway.” He paused. “How did you know you were in love?”
Quỳnh’s eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”
Her voice was now tinged with fear. For the first time, Joe could smell her pheromones under her perfume. The acrid scent of an omega in distress. He felt himself getting flustered. The last time he had dealt with anything like that was when Younes had gone into labour.
“I only meant,” Joe hurried to reply. “You and D., you guys did the whole thing, right? Got mated, had a kid together and everything.”
Quỳnh stared at him for a moment before letting out a sharp snort. “Yeah, we did all that, didn’t we?” Her shoulders shook, and she looked about to say something else before stirring the conversation back to Nicky. “Have you said anything to him yet?”
Joe didn’t think there was anything to tell. Not without compromising Hana’s situation anyway.
“I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for him, Nicky is... well, he works for me, right? So I imagine that’s probably illegal, or at least deeply frowned upon.”
“In this day and age, just being a wet nurse is frowned upon,” she said. “But yes, I guess it’s preferable to do one’s job without an alpha getting all territorial over you.”
“Territorial?”
“Oh, you know, grounding touches, sharing clothes, leaving your scent all over the place, that sort of thing.”
Joe remembered that nosy couple, maybe a week ago, and his hand on the small of Nicky's back. It had been instinctive, yes, but he knew he shouldn’t have done it. He also thought about that same day, later at the park, and his jacket draped over the omega’s shoulders. Nicky hadn’t given it back yet. And though Joe was very fond of that jacket, he hadn’t even considered asking for it back. He still cheered at the memory of Nicky wearing it as they had driven home that day.
No, not home. It was Joe’s flat now, but it had been Younes and Matt’s home. A place where they had gotten to welcome their daughter into this world. A place they hadn’t gotten to enjoy as much as they should. That thought haunted Joe still. All things considered, it was better to focus on the mess of his life.
“Nicky wore my jacket the other day, but I didn’t mean anything by it... I just didn’t want him to get cold.”
Quỳnh raised her eyebrows. “Well, that might be true, but unless that omega spent his whole life locked up in some convent, I assure you, he probably made assumptions.”
Joe bit on the inside of his cheek. He didn’t tell Quỳnh anything about Nicky’s previous... career choice, but now he couldn’t help wondering how the omega had perceived his gesture.
“He hasn’t returned it yet.”
“The jacket?”
Joe nodded, watching as Quỳnh’s grin only got bigger. “Well, look, it might be nothing, but there’s one thing I know: your Nicky would prefer to know how you feel. Contrary to popular belief, we omegas aren’t mind readers. Pheromones can only get you so far.”
And maybe it was the way Quỳnh said ‘your Nicky’, but Joe suddenly felt his arms heavy with something that had nothing to do with Hana’s weight. There was a growing itch under his skin as he was hit by an overwhelming need to run away. Joe took a deep breath and tried to relax, forcing himself to stay put.
He didn’t even realise he was releasing pheromones until he noticed the way Quỳnh’s nostrils flared across the table. The side of her mouth twitched.
“Yusuf,” she said, sounding amused. “When was the last time you had a rut?”
Joe’s eyes widened. He immediately knew what she meant. That would explain a lot about how he had been feeling for the past few days. But still, he should have realised that on his own. He should have prevented it somehow.
What was he going to do?
“Fuck,” Joe breathed before glancing down at Hana’s sleeping form. Younes would have smacked him in the head if he caught him cursing in front of his daughter. “Is it that obvious?”
“It’s faint for now, and you had an eventful morning, which probably made it all worse... but if I had to guess, I’d say it will be pretty obvious by tomorrow,” she reasoned. “You should ask Delia for leave– I believe the standard period is three to five days?”
The thought of being five days away from Hana (and Nicky) squeezed Joe’s heart.
“I don’t think I can do that–”
“Sure you can,” said Quỳnh as if Joe was being ridiculous, and he probably was. “You will be of no use to anyone in that state.”
He nodded despite himself. Though not as common as heats, ruts weren’t something to be taken lightly. He had heard his share of horror stories and wasn’t in a hurry to become one of them.
“And, well, if you don’t have an omega to take care of you during your rut, Delia can recommend the clinic she went to during one of her last ruts...” Joe noticed the creeping blush on Quỳnh’s face, though her voice didn’t falter. “Zeus was only two months old then. I couldn't attend to her through it.”
“Oh,” Joe started but shut his mouth immediately after.
He never had to use any of these clinics before, but he had heard about them. Back home, those places are only deemed acceptable for widowers without second or third spouses. He also knew some facilities had professional omegas who would offer their services for an extra fee, and he figured the same may be true here as well. Still, the very thought of knotting some stranger made Joe feel the coffee sitting heavy in his stomach, threatening to come back up. He didn’t trust himself to speak, but his face probably betrayed the turmoil in his heart, because Quỳnh shook her head.
“Come on, it can’t be that bad,” she cajoled. “Also, you definitely don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. They have special rooms, scented oils, toys, the works. And insurance will cover everything.”
Joe felt his face burn. He knew exactly the type of toys Quỳnh was talking about, and it felt all shades of wrong to visualise some of them while Hana was asleep in his arms.
He sighed, not seeing a way out. “I will talk to D.”
“Good.” Quỳnh leaned back and offered him her first full smile. “You know, I only met Younes a few times, but I loved him. He was a force of nature.”
Joe was not surprised by that description. It filled his heart with pride and grief.
“And he was your biggest fan.” She shook her head, but didn’t stop smiling. “Wouldn’t shut up about you, it was like he was trying to set you up with anyone who would listen to him... now, of course, I have no idea what it’s like to be in your shoes, but I believe I can tell you this: Younes would be proud of you.”
Joe felt his throat close up and held Hana with more strength than he meant. She made a small noise and shifted in his embrace, but didn’t wake up.
“Thank you,” he managed, trying not to feel embarrassed by how small his voice sounded.
“Also,” and Quỳnh smirked this time. “I have a feeling he would have liked Nicky a great deal too.”