Chapter Text
I posted for the first time in over a year, made a joke about the writer's curse.
Five days later, I rushed my cat to the emergency vet for difficulty breathing.
Less than an hour later, I was saying goodbye to the best part of my life.
He had fluid and a tumor compressing his heart and lungs. They could have drained the fluid, but it would have given him hours, maybe a day at best. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't leave him in pain just for a few extra hours.
He was the closest thing I'll ever have to a child, and he died in my arms.
I'm not okay, and I don't think I ever will be. He was with me for most of the best and worst parts of my life. He kept me sane through college, my first apartment, two periods of unemployment, three toxic dumpster-fire jobs, a global pandemic, clinical anxiety and depression, and so many more things I can't count. He was my constant furry companion for over 12 years, and now my baby is gone. I don't want to be here right now, but the only other alternatives suck ass, so I'm stuck in a world where he's gone.
Please give your pet an extra hug, an extra pet, and an extra kiss, because that's all I want to do and I can't and it's killing me.
I don't know if I'll ever finish this. Half of me wants to delete my account and never come back. The other half wants to keep posting and posting until everything burns down around me.
I don't know. I don't know much of anything right now. All I know is that the thing that made life worth living is gone, and my heart is breaking.