Chapter Text
As they moved into their third year of high school, Monika stopped on her way to her computer desk and looked at the photo on her bedside table. They'd taken it at the end of their second year and now the light shone off of it. There they were, all together.
Takezo, Sayori and herself hugging on the left. Sayori's hair had grown a little, and she'd cut it again since then. Shiori was on the far right, and she and Monika had matching pins on their blazers as they had gotten the highest grades and extracurricular awards, as well as student council armbands. Between them all were Yuri and Natsuki with their arms around each other. Yuri's cuts were pale and faded, and Natsuki had gained a little weight because she wasn't malnourizhed anymore. Kaori was in the back holding up double peace signs.
Monika smiled softly and passed the photo, sat down at her desk and drafted up two flyers for this year's club open day: one impartial advertisement, writing as the student council president, and one Literature Club flyer, writing as the club president.
— Is Forever Too Ambitious —
— Part 2 - Whether Rain or Shine —
"My name is Kuroda Kaori," she said with her hands behind her back. Her blonde hair fluttered in the breeze from the window, and she smiled. The beauty mark under her eye rose a little bit when her face shifted into that big grin. "I learned about the Literature Club from my tennis teammate Yamashita Junko, 'cause she's friends with Monika.
"My favourite books are The Once and Future King, A Dance with Dragons and Pride and Prejudice. I don't read much manga, but I've got a soft spot for My Dress-Up Darling and the Elden Ring gag manga."
She threw up a peace sign with a gentle smile and pink cheeks. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and the boy who'd been reading Berserk seemed to smile more as she listed more fantasy books. She vaguely remembered that Junko-chan liked Berserk too. "Hey, wait a minute, Takezo. Chihaya Takezo?"
He looked curious. "Uh, yeah. You're on the same tennis team as Junko-chan, right? I saw you playing against Monika last week."
"I knew I knew you from somewhere. So what, I'm in a club with my friend and my other friend's ex?"
Monika giggled. "Honestly, it's kind of starting to seem like everybody in this room is in a love dodecahedron."
Natsuki and Shiori both promptly told her the shut up.
Shiori put a hand on her chest. "I'm Suzuki Shiori, Yokota High sudent council vice president! It's good to meet Monika's friends." She'd done her hair up into long twintails and it rand down her back. She looked to Natsuki like one of the girls from that Fate VN she lamented being unable to afford, Tohsaka Rin or something.
"Anyway, my favourite books are War and Peace, The Count of Monte Cristo, No Longer Human and Earthlings. I also like Convenience Store Woman and Life Ceremony, though." She politely bowed to the room in general.
Monika turned to Shiori with a smile. Her green eyes shone. "Shiori, there's no need to be all polite. It's just friends hanging out, really, not a big structured club."
The two new girls sat at the makeshift table of desks pushed together. Kaori admired the vibrant book pattern on the tablecloth. Monika was at her desk not far from the table, lifting a mug of pens and quickly switching to the coffee mug she meant to grab. She grabbed stacks of papers, her laolptop covered in stickers, and put them at the head. To her left were Takezo and Sayori. Across from her, Kaori. To her right, shiori, and Yuri and Natsuki opposite Takezo and Sayori. The afternoon light glimmered gold over the room and the curtains billowed.
"I've read A Song of Ice and Fire," said Yuri in a small voice, smiling and leaning over the table to get a look at Kaori. Her violet hair had a lustre to it in the light, and Natsuki looked over, entranced. "I was wary because of thing I'd heard regarding Game of Thrones, but it was enthralling from start to finish. I can't wait for The Winds of Winter to be released.
"Let's be honest, Winds is never happening, lamented Takezo.
Monika looked over. "I watched Game of Thrones. It was pretty bad. The showrunners seem totally misogynistic, and it butchered some of the best elements from the books, although I admit I didn't read them to completion. Fantasy normally isn't my thing, I suppose. There's some I enjoy."
"Ugh, I know right?" Kaori put a hand on her forehead. "Talk about butchering the source material."
Takezo shrugged. "I liked A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
"Everybody liked A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms!" she snapped, blonde hair trailing behind her in a beautiful, sweeping arc of spun gold as she leaned forward. Then Kaori tented her fingers and placed her chin on them, composed. "So, Takezo and Yuri have both read it? Do you guys like fantasy, then?"
Takezo muttered, "I was literally reading Berserk when you walked in."
Yuri's eyes lit up and she shed a little bit of her previous shyness, looking back at Kaori. She had a copy of Portrait of Markov in her hands, which she hugged to her chest as she spoke in her dignified tone. "Oh, I do. I think the fantasy genre is rife with interesting ideas and presents a level of literary prowess that most avoiders of genre fiction tend to miss out on. I think the ability to weave a compelling narrative and characters all within the constraints of a world you have to build from the ground up is simply the sign of a master."
"I wouldn't say from the ground up," said Kaori. "Tolkien did do most of the heavy lifting in terms of establishing the ideas of modern fantasy.” She had this air of a princess surrounding her, the height of dignity and poise despite her tendency to take over the room and burst into passionate displays of energy. The way she sat, batted her eyelashes as she straightened up and thought for a moment seemed a little bit enthralling. “I remember a phrase about it being compared to Mount Fuji. It’s either in the foreground, hidden away in the background, deliberately omitted—which is interesting in and of itself—or the artwork is, in fact, depicting a view from atop Mount Fuji. Or something like that… oh well, you get the idea, don’t you?”
“You’re really into this stuff, aren’t you?” Natsuki rolled her half-lidded eyes.
“Well, if you ask me, fantastical kingdoms and courtly love and the like are timeless, and fantasy is the genre of a noblewoman? What sort of high-class lady doesn’t dream of being swept off her feet by a rugged, no-nonsense yet sensitive and kindhearted knight?” She giggled. “And tales of passion, adventure and danger are simply the most incredible thing.”
Sayori’s eyes widened as she sat up. She said to Takezo, “I think I like her.”
“Yeah, same. She’s got her charms, I guess.”
She sighed indignantly and then turned to Kaori. “Anyway, I think you’d like The Princess Bride if you haven’t seen it. I love it.”
“I haven’t, but I’ve read the book! It’s wonderful.”
“Way to take over the room,” Natsuki grumbled quietly. She caught Takezo giving her an amused, knowing look and returned it as they silently communicated their impressions of Kaori. Sayori looked over, noticed this and slightly giggled through the grey cloud of sorrow that had followed her even here. As they began to get along but simultaneously remained contentious, they took on a sort of sibling dynamic that heartened and soothed her to observe.
“Well,” said Monika, seemingly aware of Kaori’s sway over the conversation and trying to return a degree of balance to the club, “I tend to prefer the classics myself. Though I can’t deny the appeal of fantastical stories.”
Shiori smiled. “Me too. Monika and I recently decided to read Anna Karenina concurrently, but she’s such a quick reader that she finished it way before me. I mean, it’s a great book.”
Monika glanced over at Sayori. “Sayo-chan. You’re the heart and soul of the club. Why don’t you show our new girls around?”
“I’ll brew some tea,” said Yuri. She stood and left the table.
Sayori had been idly gazing ahead, not even totally aware of the conversation surrounding. When she heard her name, she looked at Monika, paused to consider her words, and then nodded with a slight smile. It didn’t reach her eyes, which were dull and lightless, but she schooled her expression into an approximation of her usual bubbly self as she stood and nodded, straightening out her clothes. “Yeah, I can do that. I showed Take-chan around, didn’t I?” She cleared her throat before addressing the new girls. “Kaori. Shiori. C’mon.” The girls followed Sayori to the bookshelves at the back of the room where the tour began.
Takezo and Natsuki had started to their feet while Monika remained seated. The three shared a concerned look. The club president gestured for Takezo to sit back down, and he did. “I’m worried about you two.”
Takezo gazed blankly at her for a moment. “As a pair, or individually?”
“Individually, I suppose. Has she been alright? She hasn’t really said much to me since yesterday.”
“Me neither. I’m not really sure. Sorry. I’d like to talk to her, but…” he sighed and hung his head. “Can I tell you something in confidence? I feel terrible.”
Monika only nodded.
“I feel… angry at her. I know that’s fucked up. No sensible part of me blames her for anything she’s going through, but I just do. I feel terrible about it but I do. Part of me wants to comfort her, and make her feel like she can open up to me… I want to hold her and tell her she’ll be okay, but I… I don’t know, it’s difficult. Being a human is so damn complicated. There’s a part of me that… that feels mad at her for doing that, for not telling anyone, and when I feel that way I get so ashamed I can’t even fucking look at her.”
“I…” Thinking in silence for a beat, Monika finally sighed and rested her hand on the table close to his. “I think, that’s completely normal. We’re not in control of our emotions and you’ve got a lot going on with yourself as well, I know that. You two just need to be there for each other and be kind to each other… and I know both of you are good for one another, so I trust you with my best friend.”
Takezo smiled weakly. “Thank you.”
“But are you okay? I know she’s going through a lot, but you…”
“Is this about yesterday?” He sat up. “I’ve been mentally ill for years. I can take care of myself, I learned to handle it. You know? It’s just as much a part of me as anything, so… don’t look into me hurrying off like that.”
“No, just… nevermind.” She smiled. “Anyway, it’s just us at the table now and it’s kind of odd, isn’t it? I mean, everybody will sit back down when the tea is ready.”
Takezo nodded, looking over at the others. Sayori was splayed across the couch and advertising to the new girls how comfy it was. Natsuki was talking to Yuri while the latter made tea. He felt a little bit uplifted by the scene, and softly sighed. “I used to not like reading at all. I’d only read manga.”
“Neither did Sayori. Now she’s my vice president.”
He got up and passed them with the intent to say something to Sayori, but found himself unable. They briefly made eye contact, looking back at each other as they walked, and she smiled. He made himself smile back and, so as to act natural and pretend he hadn’t meant to speak to her, crossed the shooting rows of light from the half-drawn blinds over the windows and stopped at the bookshelves to look them over.
Natsuki’s manga was on the top shelf again. Just at his eye level was a book called Le Morte d’Arthur, and he took it, putting it underarm under the impression that it would be a good way to connect and get to know Kaori. Continuing to scan the shelves, he pensively considered what he wanted to read in a way he didn’t think he’d have found himself doing not too long ago. Not only did he look like his mother but he was beginning to act like her, simultaneously being a creative intellectual and a delinquent slacker, a dichotomy that amused her when she spoke of it in hindsight.
Over his shoulder he saw her, gazing at him. Shiori stepped over and looked at the bookshelves. Takezo looked away. “What’s good to read? I’ve never seen so many books in one place except in libraries and bookstores.”
“I don’t know,” he said dully.
“I’m just asking a question.”
“I’m just saying I don’t know.”
“Yeah, but, you don’t need to be rude about it.” She sighed. “Look, a lot’s happened but I think we’re still capable of being friends. I feel like we’ve both been wrong about each other in the past, and we’ve both said and done some regrettable things. I think we should try to be friends for Monika’s sake, and maybe make up for… everything.”
Takezo looked over at her with a blank expression. It looked as if he were awaiting this conversation, had it in his head a hundred times and had become fatigued by it. “We’re not enemies or anything like that. But that doesn’t mean I want to be your friend, okay? I’m not angry at you but I can’t enjoy your company. Please just ask somebody else for advice.”
“I understand.” She turned away. The nonchalant air and sass that she normally radiated had momentarily gone away. She was a regretful girl speaking to a boy with whom she had mutual friends, in the hopes that they too might become friends. Perhaps too much had happened for that, though.
When the water was boiling, Natsuki pulled Yuri aside to the corner of the room and spoke in a low, soft voice. “Yuri, can I tell you something?”
“Okay,” said Yuri. She put her back to the wall beside Natsuki, and both girls slid to the wooden floor, listening to the bubbling of the water and watching steam rise and dissipate in the air. “What’s the matter, Natsuki?”
“Um… Yuri, this is a bit of a weird question, but can I have some money?”
“What? Why?”
“It’s, well… I don’t really have any money of my own, but I want to buy some ingredients on the way home ‘cause my dad doesn’t cook and I’m sick of eating shit at home. And if I spend his money, he’ll know and he’ll be angry at me. So I need one of my friends’, and I figured, because your family has money…”
Yuri’s eyes widened, and then her head tilted to the side as she looked gently at Natsuki. “Of course.” She found her school bag hanging on her chair, fished out her purse and handed Natsuki a few notes and coins. “Is 5,000 yen enough for a little while?”
“Thanks. It should be.” Natsuki grimaced as she pocketed the money. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“But I feel like a bum.”
“If our financial situations were swapped you’d do the same.”
Natsuki softly smiled. “Thanks, Yuri.”
Then the switch clicked and the water ceased to boil. Natsuki grabbed the chocolate Yuri liked, Yuri poured a few cups of tea and let it steep, and by the time they returned to the table, Sayori, Shiori and Kaori had come back too and everybody sat together at the table. Takezo had one leg crossed over the other and was reading the manga in his lap. “You know,” said Kaori as she took a small, delicate sip on the tea, gesturing with a square of chocolate between her fingers, “I think Yuri would like Berserk, Takezo.”
“You do?” both said.
“Well, you said it’s an atmospheric and narratively rich dark fantasy. Even if it’s not prose, it sounds right up her alley.”
Shiori smiled at Yuri and gestured in gratitude. “You know, this tea is lovely! I’m usually a coffee person but I don’t know if I’ve ever had tea like it before.”
Monika nodded. “I’m usually more of a coffee fan, but Yuri’s tea tends to be wonderful.”
Yuri blushed. The calm and camaraderie of the club, which eased her heart and made her feel she was among friends and equals, made it the only place where she never felt the need to cut. Out the window as afternoon broke to evening under blood-red twilight burgeoned the first snows of the season’s changing, and Sayori pointed it out gleefully. “It’s a little early in the year for that considering it’s still autumn, but I think that makes it a little more special. I don’t know if it’ll snow like that again ‘til winter.” She dug through her bag for a camera and smiled in such a sweet and earnest way that she hadn’t for a long time, maybe since the day after Takezo joined the club.
She took a photo and he smiled as well.
The club chatted about nothing in particular, only light topics and little of any great importance. When the tea and chocolate was finished the sun was close to setting, and they walked through the hallways and filed out into the courtyard together. The seven members of the Literature Club said quiet and polite goodbyes, and Monika said: “You guys, remember to write poems tonight. I want to see them tomorrow, and I can’t wait to see what Kaori and Shiori end up writing!”
Yuri and Natsuki started in the same direction. Natsuki turned left at the train station, and Yuri took the train. While they walked along the fence of the school they looked up at the clouds and the first few stars shimmered in the dim sky.
“Yuri?”
“Yes?”
“Do you like your family?”
She looked away, then down at the floor, and sighed. “That’s a complicated question. Well, they’re generally nice, and I do love them… I love them a lot but ‘like’ is… rather conditional, I suppose.”
“Yeah. Same.”
“What makes you bring that up? Are things… is your father…?”
Natsuki shrugged. “It’s nothing. Things are just kind of rough right now; don’t worry about me. See ya.”
“Well… see you in the morning, then. We should call tonight, if you’re available, though. My parents are going to a business dinner and I think I’d like company.” There, at the station, Yuri boarded her train and parted ways with Natsuki, who walked back along the farmland around the town’s edge, watching Yuri’s train disappear toward the city.
Monika and Shiori walked back together the way they came to school, promising to stop by the café together. They invited Kaori to walk with them, but she noted that she wanted to go see a stage musical in the city and took the train as well as Yuri. Takezo and Sayori were walking over the bridge. Sayori was quiet and reserved, remembering the decision she had made with such conviction on this bridge only a few days ago. With two fingers she gingerly touched the bruises on her neck when Takezo was looking out at the water.
There was a little walled off area behind the café. A few posters were on the wall and footprints in the sand. Two benches were lined up by the wall and petals seemed to be dancing through the air from the pot plants on the back veranda that led to this same area. In the middle of it all, a well.
Takezo and Sayori were sitting together on the benches stargazing. He was quietly searching through his pocket for two coins, and when he found them, put one in her hand. They advanced to the well, leaving their bags and their drinks there. Takezo had gotten chai and Sayori a strawberry milkshake. She threw her coin in first and it left a little soft plop noise echoing it up as it splashed into the water.
“What did you wish for?” asked Takezo.
Sayori winked and put one finger over her lips. “That would ruin it.”
He nodded in concession, and looked down at his coin as he deliberated for a moment. His first instinct was for things to stay the way they were. But that would be terrible for Sayori. The sky blackened and a sentence finally came into his head. May the people in my life remain here, and the ties that bind us grow strong. He held out the coin, dropped it, and saw the moon’s reflection on the water warp and ripple.
Junko walked out and waved at them, passing the little outdoor area to the back exit of the café. That’s right, she came here every evening, usually joined by Monika and Shiori. Takezo started back to his bag, put it on, and Sayori did the same.
“Sayo-chan, do you want to come over and watch a movie?”
“I’d like that.”