Chapter Text
Summer drew to a close.
Their two weeks were over.
Pre-season started.
But their love and promises remained. As they clutched at each other the final night, neither falling asleep, they re-hashed their plan. One more year of border-crossing distance. One more year of only seeing each other during games. One more year before the rest of their hockey lives. As they murmured to each other, pressing kisses into the other's skin, lips, hair, not taking it further until the sun rose over the lake, they came to an agreement. They couldn't love each other in the sunlight yet, but maybe they could find a way to linger in the dawn and twilight hours. They had been communicating their feelings in the public eye for the last year without people catching on, so why stop now.
Months had passed. Games had been played, won and lost. They hadn't restarted the lip-sync battles this year, the socials team had decided to focus more on Q&As and behind the scenes content. Unfortunately, this meant they had lost a little more of the sunlight Ilya yearned for so deeply. The Christmas break had allowed them to meet up again, with the Bears playing Toronto and the Voyagers playing Ottawa, the domestic flight had given them 48 hours of time together. Time with Shane's family, surrounded by love and hope warmed him. It gave them both the extra boost they needed till All Stars.
Ilya held on to that thought tightly. Knowing they would see each other in a month was the only thing keeping him going. The idea of leaving his team was heart-breaking but all he wanted was Shane. He would always choose Shane. He would quit hockey if it meant he and Shane would have a future. But it meant the bad days were starting to creep up more frequently. Without the frequent partying, drinking and using sex as a distraction, there were gaps in his life now. Ones which were Shane shaped and simply waiting for him to step into, but facetimes, texts and calls never quite managed to fill the void. Without the distractions, constant boosts of serotonin, the distance began to cut away at him. He was missing his heart and it was eating at his soul. So the concept of now just a few more months till he could have Shane again, in his cottage, in his home, was the only thing that got him through those dark days, it was the only thing that kept his head above the water.
All Stars came and went, both teams had qualified for the playoffs so they knew Summer would be later. Schedules got tighter, less time lingering in each other's cities. Just a few more months till their forever. Ilya could get through this.
That was until the run up to Valentines day.
Their first official Valentines day and once again they were in different cities. Shane had a flight in the evening so they couldn't call, they couldn't facetime and have a meal, all they could do was text each other in the morning before the day got away from them. Ilya had never wanted these things on Valentine's day before, the most he had done was make Svetlana and his Mother a card before she had passed. Since then, he had always just hooked up with people or gone out with the team until he was shit-faced, avoiding the one person he had always wanted to share the day with. But now he could love Shane, yes they were a few months away from loving each other in the sunlight, but they could linger in the sunrise again.
A few days in the lead up to Valentines day, they were told to think of their favourite love songs. The team were usually prepped by Alice before she filmed the content. She had learned over the years that if she didn't want a nasty surprise or difficult video to edit, she should give them a slight warning or general idea on what the video would be about. Ilya hadn't needed the extra time, he knew what love song was his current favourite. It encapsulated everything he was feeling, everything he was craving. It was a song that as soon as Shane saw the video, he knew it would be for him.
@bostonbearsoffical
Happy Valentine's Day from the Bears <3
We asked the team which songs represented their love lives at the moment…. some may surprise you!
click for full video
The video started off in the locker room, St. Simon stood in front of the camera holding a tiny microphone. Alice's voice can be heard in the background.
"Hey Sainty, Happy Valentine's Day!"
"Hey Alice! What's your question today?"
"The people want to know what song currently represents your love life?"
"Ahh man.." a slight blush covered his cheeks, as one of the only guys who had been wifed up, everyone knew who this song would be meant for. "Probably Can You Feel The Love Tonight by Elton John." He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, "me and my wife are having a date night tonight so.. yeah I'm excited." Trailing off at the end, Alice could be heard awwing behind the camera.
"Awww Sainty, you are such a softy." Ducking his head slightly, the blush on his cheeks could be seen darkening, spreading to his ears as the rest of the team joined in with the awes.
It only deepened further when Alice handed him a single-stem rose. Still, he smiled cheerfully, ignoring the jeering round him. "Aw thank you! Happy Valentine's Day Alice. "
The video continued, with Alice moving round the room, catching the guys at their lockers. It wasn't a surprise when most of the answers were becoming NSFW.
"Connors!"
"Alice!"
"So what's the song that currently represents your love life?"
"It's gotta be OFPP by conscience…sorry." The cheeky grin stretched over his lips didn't do much to appease the disappointed sigh that could be heard from Alice's microphone.
"I feel like I should have known better." Connors could be seen lifting his arms in surrender, shrugging his shoulders, grin never leaving his face. "Oh well, here you go" Alice handed over the rose "Happy Valentine's Day Connors."
"Thanks Alice, you too!"
Marleau's response wasn't much better.
Ilya could be seen reaching over to high five Marley after he answered Titi Me Preguntó by Bad Bunny.
"Really Rozy? Did you have to high five him for that one!"
Ilya's face popped into frame, "Bad Bunny is icon Alice, you know this, yes?"
Another long suffering sigh escaped Alice's lips, only drawn out longer as she saw that everyone had wide smiles on their faces, happy at the distress they had caused her. She would so be getting Ilya back for this.
Finally, as the camera and Alice moved round asking the question and handing out roses, they reached the last person to answer. Focusing on Ilya as he sat in front of his locker, they eyed each other. Alice bracing for the worst, Ilya confident and unwavering with a cocky smile.
"Well Rozy, what song represents your love life at the moment?"
Sniggers filled the room, whilst he had cut down on his partying and still smiled at his phone like a teen with a crush, they were not expecting much from his answer. Maybe that is why they were stunned into silence at his words.
"Audrey Hepburn by Maisie Peters." At the confused looks he was receiving, he hurried an explanation, no longer so confident with the response he had received. "Is good song, is not for you so does not matter."
"I've never heard-"
"Huh?-"
"What?-"
An unwavering feeling of glee filled Alice, Ilya had set it up perfectly for her revenge. It must've shown on her face as Ilya's face dropped and he started to shake his head.
"No, no, n-"
She cut in before he could finish his objections, "I don't think any of us know this song Roz! You know what?" The condescending tone complimented the look of absolute horror now on Ilya's face before he tried to school it into a look of unruffled indifference. It didn't work. "I reckon we should listen to it so we can understand what you are going through right now."
"Is not necessary! I'm oke." His pained eyes made her giggle, but she was already pulling up the song. As the opening chords ran through the speakers, the team quietened and Ilya placed his head in his hands in his best efforts to hide the blush covering his cheeks.
My heart was a hellhound
Now my heart sits on your lap
My hands were always clenching
Till I held yours and you held 'em back
I wanted to be immortal
Now I'm fine with growing old
Cherries in the summer, blackberries in the cold
Oh, take me back to the country, to the hills and to the spires
I hate the afterparties, I want forests, I want fires
Take me back to your parents, I was barefaced in the light
You swore I looked like Audrey Hepburn that night
I was chasing phantoms
Always starving, never full
Then you made me dinner
Where there was push, now there is pull
To you, like a magnet
I am drawn to your bones
'Cause love, when it's the right kind
Well, it always points you home
So take me back to the country, to the hills and to the spires
I hate the afterparties, I want forests, I want fires
Take me back to your parents, I was barefaced in the light
You swore I looked like Audrey Hepburn that night
Mm, mm-mm
Mm-mm, mm-mm
Mm, mm-mm
Mm-mm, mm-mm
Love was a myth, now it's my morning coffee
The one you leave me by our bed
I don't need accolades or everyone to want me
'Cause you want me and that's as good as it gets
So take me back to the country, to the hills and to the spires
I'll trade the afterparties for my baby by the fire
We'll go back to my parents, I'll be barefaced in the light
You'll say, "You look like Audrey Hepburn tonight"
The silence in the locker room continued after the song cut out. All eyes remained on Ilya, waiting for him to say something, until a sharp rap was heard by the door. Tanya, the TD Garden's receptionist poked her head through the door. She was an older woman and always held a soft spot for the players whose families lived far away, especially Ilya.
"Ilya, honey, we have a delivery for you. Did you want these here or shall I keep them at the front desk for you?" She lifted up a large bouquet of lilies, a blue and gold ribbon wrapped tightly round the stems. Shock and delight could be seen crossing the players faces as Marleau ran over to grab the flowers from her hands.
"I've got them, thank you Tanya-you're the best!"
A cacophony of 'thank you Tanya' once again filled the locker room, she waved them off before ducking out behind the door. In unison the team's heads swiveled to look at Ilya once again. Pink graced his cheeks, ears flaming red, he hesitantly grabbed the flowers from Marley's hands. Grabbing the card tucked into the stems, he clambered back to stand on the bench, quickly reading the note before tucking it away out of reach from his team as they surged forwards to catch a glimpse. The video caught the look on Ilya's face, a bitten back smile, a slight glossy look to his eyes. As the video faded away, the Bears shouted questions could be heard including a final "Russian's don't blush, my ass! Rozy you look like a BEEP tomato!"
Lily→ Jane
Lily: Thank you malysh
Jane: You're welcome
Jane: Happy Valentine's Day mon coeur
Lily: Happy Valentine's Day moy lyubov
A note sat tucked away in the back of a phone case. Unassuming with its plain white card but priceless with its words.
For my Lily- the love of my life
Ya tebya Lyublyu xx
Cliff lingered in the locker room. He was well aware that Ilya's contract was up this year and he had yet to re-sign with the Bears. The meeting he was in with Le'Claire was probably discussing this, whilst Ilya didn't have his agent with him, the Captain and Alternate meeting had ended almost an hour ago and there was nothing else Ilya would need to discuss without Cliff in the room. His gut feeling was that Ilya wouldn't re-sign. After his rookie contract was up, Ilya had re-signed the first chance he got to ensure his visa was safe and he wouldn't leave the Bears. But here they were almost at the end of March and everything was still up in the air. No matter how much he loved Hollander for Roz, if Ilya was planning on moving to the Voyagers, Cliff was going to kill him.
His head snapped up as the door to the meeting room opened into the locker room. As Ilya shut it behind him he took a deep breath. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he hadn't yet noticed Cliff.
"You're leaving us aren't you?"
The answering yelp made Cliff chuckle to himself "what the fuck Marley! You scared me asshole." Ilya clutched a hand to his chest, "Why are you still here?"
Cliff didn't let him brush off the question. He knew Ilya would try to distract him so he responded with a withering look.
"You're leaving us."
Silence pooled around them, Ilya's shoulders slumped and he could no longer meet Cliff's eyes. Scuffing his foot against the floor like a child being scolded, he whispered out a small "yes".
Nodding his head, he hadn't expected anything else but it didn't stop the drop in his stomach and the slight ache in his chest at the thought of one of his closest friends leaving. Standing up, he closed the distance between them until he rested his hand on Ilya's shoulder. He jostled it slightly to get Ilya to meet his eye.
"Does Jane know how lucky they are?" Eyes widened at being caught when he registered what Cliff had said.
"I am lucky one, Marley." A small smile twitched at his lips, now meeting Cliff's eye.
They shared a look, both searching the others eyes for answers to questions neither voiced. An agreement must've passed between them as they both pulled the other to a hug. It lingered slightly until they both sniffed. Slapping each other on the back before pulling away they both now were avoiding eye contact to ensure the other didn't see the glassiness brimming there.
Cliff managed to steady his voice, "I'm going to miss you man."
Ilya slapped his hand on Cliff's shoulder at that, his usual cocky self straightened his spine becoming a front in his effort to pretend not to have emotions, "I'm not dying Marley, you have phone yes? We will text."
Shaking his head at Ilya's attempt to brush it off, a smile returned to his lips. "You're such an asshole Rozy."
"I know……but you will miss me." Ilya dragged out the end of 'me', his tone becoming even more teasing. He barked out a laugh when he saw Cliff rolling his eyes in retaliation.
As they gathered their belongings they joked around, pushing each other about till they made it to the car park. They both knew they only had a few more weeks of this. Best friends since 2010, seeing each other 80% of the time, living in each other's pockets, sharing rooms. A Captain and his Alternate reaching the end of their era. The good-old days coming to a close.
It was just before playoffs started when Ilya told the rest of the team. He hadn't yet signed with Ottawa as his unrestricted free agency didn't start till July 1st but it was becoming more talked about online about how he had yet to re-sign. He was sure the veterans had suspected he was planning on leaving, with the increased team movie nights, parties and meet-ups, Ilya knew it must be increasingly obvious what he was trying to do.
Regardless of how much he thought they suspected, he was still incredibly anxious at the thought of telling the team. It would be real then. He would be leaving the second best family had ever known. For the most part, this team had been closer and better brothers than his own had been. They had seen a brash young rookie who barely spoke English, made him their friend, Captain and had trusted him to lead them for years. And now he was leaving them.
It was a Tuesday when he had told them. They were gathered at his place for another team movie night, the credits of High School Musical 3 was rolling. His teammates were sprawled across sofas and the floor, empty beer bottles and glasses were scattered amongst the empty pizza boxes. He himself was sitting in the corner of the sofa, legs spread over Cliff's and Hammersmith's laps. Pulling himself up, he gathered the teams attention and broke the news. The poor rookies looked like they were about to burst into tears with how upset they were, his closest friends over the years shared quiet looks of accepted sadness, solidifying Ilya's suspicion that they had guessed. These last two years especially had brought the team closer together than ever before, but this was what happened in the league. Guys left, teammates moved on to become opponents. Whilst he avoided mentioning 'Jane', he assured the youngest members it was nothing to do with them, he was proud of each and everyone of the guys in front of him, but for his own reasons, he needed to move on.
As the chatter rose around him at his denial to confirm where he was planning on going, he sat back to look at the people around him. His people. He would miss them all, including the babies of the team, but Shane was everything to him. He will be closer than ever with his person next year. The pain he felt this year with the distance between them confirmed that this would be the best decision for them both. What started as a sharp stab had eased to a dull ache during the year as they settled back into the rhythm of the season but had once again started to build again as they drew closer to the summer. The deep yearning he felt to go back to the cottage exhausted his heart and nothing quite helped with managing it anymore. Not facetimes, not phone calls, not texts, not the idea of another Stanley Cup. Not even the few hours they actually held each other after their games. It was unrelenting and all-consuming. He just needed to get through these few weeks and then he would be home.
The day before the first game of the playoffs, Ilya and the Bears social team announced to the world he would be exploring unrestricted free agency at the end of the season and not re-signing with the Bears. Naturally, there was only one way Ilya agreed in how they told the world and who was Alice to disagree.
@ilyarozanov81
I have loved being a part of the Boston Bears since I was drafted back in 2010 and it has been an honor to be your captain and teammate. But as the best player in the league it is selfish to keep this talent to one team. So I would like to announce that at the end of this season I will be leaving the Boston Bears in the effort to give another team a chance at winning.
Thank you to my team, everyone at the Bears and Boston. You have been my home for the last 9 years and I will always be thankful for everything you have given me.
I will miss you all and I know you will miss me too.
Your Captain,
Ilya #81
@bostonbearsofficial
We are sad to announce that Captain Ilya Rozanov will not be re-signing with the Boston Bears for the upcoming 2017-2018 season.
We'd like to wish our Captain luck in his unrestricted free agency this summer. It will be difficult seeing you leave but we have loved having you be part of the Bears. We appreciate what you have done for our team and we look forward to seeing you excel with a new team (we just hope you don't mind losing to us!).
We will miss you Captain and no matter where you go, you will forever be a Bear.
For one last time, we hope our Bears family appreciate this music video with the man that started it all.
click for full video
The video started with the team in the locker room. They are gathered round on the floor, sitting in front of Ilya as he sits on the bench. They have their backs to the camera with the main focus point being Ilya starting off the lip-syncing. He gesticulates whilst singing as if breaking the news to the team.
I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
Is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay...
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time
Another color turns to grey
And it's just too hard to watch it all
Slowly fade away
I'm leaving today
Cause I gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay...
The shot changes to pan round the teams faces. They are all as sad, disappointed and devastated as they were when Ilya first announced it.
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
The video focuses on Connors face who is now standing up as he sings before moving onto the next player as they take it in turns.
What about us?
Hammersmith:
What about everything we've been through?
Carmichael:
What about trust?
The shot zooms out slightly to include Ilya as he places one hand on his chest and the other on Carmichael's shoulder, singing the next line.
You know I never wanted to hurt you
He moves round the gathered team, now all stood in a semi-circle giving each a hug as they sing to him.
Sebbin:
And what about me?
Marleau:
What am I supposed to do?
Ilya gives Marelau an extra long hug at that.
I gotta leave but
I'll miss you
Ilya keeps singing as he continues on.
So I've got to move on and be who I am
Fellar:
Why do you have to go?
Ilya once again lingers with that year's rookies giving them a group hug.
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
Aud:
I'm trying to understand
Ilya:
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
Cadyn:
I want you to stay
Ilya:
I gotta go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am
Johansson:
What about us?
Ilya:
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
Dubek:
I'm trying to understand
As Ilya finishes off the line of hugs, he makes his way towards the door. He hesitates before lifting a hand and with a small wave, he leaves the locker room.
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
The final shot shows the team in the locker room all waving him off. Large text overlays the image before it fades to black.
"WE WILL MISS YOU CAPTAIN"
Jane→Lily
Jane: I love you baby
Jane: so much
Lily: I love you more
The Bears are knocked out of the playoffs in the second round. They managed to take it to game 7 but it wasn't quite enough. Ilya's dreams of raising the cup one last time with this team came to a crashing halt, he knows it will be a long time before he will ever have a shot at winning a Stanley Cup again. But it's okay. He has Shane and this means he can head over to Ottawa sooner to start looking at houses, he might even be able to find a place quickly so as not to encroach on cottage time. Shane was still in the playoffs, he had at least one more game in this round and they were looking to be contenders for at least the Conference Finals again this year. Ilya was proud of him. Shane deserved everything.
These thoughts spiralled round his head as he moved down the hand shake line. The other team was overwhelmingly smug and his teammates clearly crushed in front of him. He had just played his last game as a Bear. The other team had no reason to stay on the ice, they had quickly moved their celebrations to the away teams locker room where they could crack open champagne and head out to get ready for the next round. The Bears however, remained on the ice, they were at home, the arena was filled with their own fans. He took it in for the last time, standing at centre ice, RO-ZAN-OV RO-ZAN-OV RO-ZAN-OV being chanted by people dressed in black and gold. No one was leaving, they were standing there, cheering for him, not for the Bears, not for the team, for him.
Bright flashes of light coming from the jumbotron caught his eye as he turned in place. He moved his gaze to focus on the writing now projected onto the screen.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING CAP #81
His team stood before him, in the distracted moments where he was taking in the crowd he hadn't noticed them moving to the benches to distribute microphones between themselves. He jumped when a hand was placed on his shoulder, Le'Claire stood just behind him and gestured to a chair that had been placed out of his view. As he sat down, the feeling of disbelief washed over him, whatever the team had prepared he wasn't sure he deserved it. He had led them to another defeat, another failed Stanley Cup run and now he was abandoning them. Maybe what he was thinking was written all over his face as his coach leaned down to whisper to him.
"The boys wanted to do something special for you Rozy, you deserve this. Thank you for everything you have done for the team. We are so proud to have called you a Bear."
Tears were already pooling in his eyes as he managed a choked out "Thank you Coach" before his attention was pulled back to his friends spread out in front of him.
"Roz we love you and will miss you man. We know the org will do a tribute when we play against you next season but we-" Cliff gestured to the guys on either side of him"-wanted you to know how much you mean to us."
Fuck, Ilya was going to start crying.
"So this one is for you, cap." Whoops echoed through the mic's and speakers both from the team and the fans still lining the stands.
Familiar claps started through the speakers, he loved this team so damn much.
After the first strum of guitar, Cliff started singing, his voice deep, slightly scratchy, clearly not warmed up or by all means professional but it was clear and relatively in-tune.
You gotta help me, I'm losing my mind
Keep getting the feeling you wanna leave this all behind
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
St. Simon was the next to bring the microphone to his lips. His voice was also deep, less in-tune than Marleau's but definitely not as bad as it could have been.
No, they don't teach you this in school
Now my heart's breaking and I don't know what to do
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
The whole team now joined in, it was barely audible with the screams of the fans. Ilya almost started giggling at the fact 22 players stood singing One Direction to him. The sight of the jombotron screen changing stopped the laughter bubbling in the back of his throat. It was showing clips of his best moments. Short clips of his goals, sin bin moments and everything in between, even including videos of him just smiling and laughing during warmups and practise. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever
If he hadn't heard Connors’ voice during the many sessions of Heartache Karaoke, he wouldn't have realised it was him taking over singing the next verse. He was torn watching the men in front of him serenade him and the video playing above their heads of his best fights on the ice.
All of the rumors, all of the fights
But we always find a way to make it out alive
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
He was so proud of this team. Hockey had harboured a racist, homophobic, toxic culture. It was known for being one of the most unforgiving sports to play. Locker rooms were places which would push you down and crush you into the ground if you didn't find a way to protect yourselves. But here was an incredible group of guys, singing to him as a team, thanking him for everything they had created together. Not one of the people who stood before him carried the toxic masculinity and bigoted mindset most of the players in the league still held on to. He would never regret being a part of this team.
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever
His eyes once again got caught on the jumbotron, as videos flashed up he wasn't sure who had taken over singing the next verse. These were videos and pictures the fans most likely hadn't seen. They weren't hockey clips, they were just of him and his brothers he also got to call friends and teammates. Flashes of moments where he was part of a family. Bars and clubs where they were falling into each other, holding each other up as their bodies shook with laughter. Driving around Boston, singing along to songs whilst testing out his new cars. The many times where the whole team had crashed into his single bedroom unplanned. The team getting tattoos late at night, grimacing in pain. So many plane rides, sleeping on each other's shoulders, pranking the first guy to fall asleep. All the times they sang together over the years at Heartache Karaoke.
Mini bars, expensive cars, hotel rooms, and new tattoos
And the good champagne, and private planes, but they don't mean anything
'Cause the truth is out, I realize that without you here life is just a lie
This is not the end
This is not the end
We can make it, you know it, you know
He focused his eyes back on the group in front of him. His brothers. He couldn't wait for his life with Shane, he would give up everything if Shane ever asked him to. But leaving was bittersweet and he was mad at the world for making him choose between the best team he had ever been a part of and the best person he could ever dream to be with.
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever
To beat the tears threatening to fall down his face he jumped up. If you can't beat them, join them has never been a more accurate saying. Seeing him suddenly out of his seat, the team leapt over to join him. They surrounded him as they continued to sing together. One last time.
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history (oh)
So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever
So don't let me go
So don't let me go
We can live forever
Baby don't you know
Baby don't you know
We can live forever
Cheering, screaming, 'Thank You's' and Rozanov chants consumed the arena. The team had pulled each other into a full team hug. Staff, coaches, medics, equipment managers. Everyone who was lucky enough to be part of the Bears could be seen either joining the hug or applauding behind the benches. Ilya let himself hide in the middle of it all and if a few tears fell, that was for him…and maybe Cliff who stood in front of him, to know.
Shane watched Ilya's game from his hotel hundreds of miles away. He watched as Ilya's team surrounded him in so much love and acceptance. So much so they actually performed a song for him in front of so many people. He watched as the music changed into something slower, something familiar as the hug broke apart. Staff, managers and coaches left the ice and the team made their way back to the gate but not yet making their way down the tunnel.
I'm limited
Just look at me
Not with your eyes, with theirs
Ilya could be seen taking a steadying breath as he spoke to each and everyone of his teammates. The audio wasn't super clear, they were too far from the camera for the full audio to be picked up but certain words could be made out.
I'm limited, and just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
Here, take it
What? But you know I, I can't read this, I—
Well, you have to learn
Because now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you
"I'm so proud of you"
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
"You are great player, be confident."
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
"I would not have scored without you."
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend
"You are amazing teammate."
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
"You have great backhand."
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know there's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
"Thank you, I love you"
Like a comet pulled from orbit
(Like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes a sun
(By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder
(Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood)
Halfway through the wood
(In the wood)
"Thank you, I love you"
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better
"Thank you, I love you"
And because I knew you
Because I knew you
"Thank you, I love you"
Because I knew you
I have been changed
For good
"Thank you, I love you"
Something Shane had always envied about Ilya was how good of a captain he was. He was the best in the league, a title that would never be Shane's. Ilya was leaving an amazing team, his amazing team and instead of basking in the screams of the crowd himself, he had taken the time to compliment each member of the team and thank them before they left the ice. Shane had never had a relationship with his fellow players in the same way Ilya had. Shane had colleagues. Ilya had a family. A family he had agreed to leave in order to be with Shane.
As he sat on his bed, his teammates either out at bars or tucked away in their own rooms, Shane realised he was alone. He knew he was on his own obviously, but he really felt so detached from the people who he called friends but were nothing really other than acquaintances, that there was no other way to explain how he felt other than alone. He knew the people he was surrounded by didn't call him a friend. He would be a groomsman at their wedding, godfather to their children, but they didn't actually want Shane in their lives. None of them would choose him if they weren't obligated to.
But Ilya had.
So yes, Shane was alone but maybe next season that wouldn't be the case. Ilya would be close by. They would see each other as much as possible, start the charity, come out as friends. Shane wouldn't be alone.
Summer couldn't come soon enough.
Over the last year, Ilya and Yuna had become significantly closer. Her bias against the Bears had never wavered but for the first time ever this hadn't included Ilya. Whilst she couldn't bring herself to wear the jersey he had bought David and Yuna as a joke for Christmas, she had framed and hung it in her office right next to Shane's. David had no such hesitation in wearing his, usually pulling it on when they watched Ilya's games on the TV. He had received many photos over the course of the season in the group chat of them sitting curled up on the sofa or videos of them cheering when Ilya had scored. They hadn't thought twice about adding him to the groupchat and it quickly progressed to Yuna texting him about how he could improve, how proud she was of him and house listings in Ottawa.
All were welcomed with the busy end to the season. He had recently changed his agent to match Shane's and even though he couldn't discuss anything with the other teams until July 1st, Farah had sent out feelers with Ottawa and they were interested. Very interested. So interested they either were in such disbelief, extremely desperate or both. It was now simply a matter of time before he became a Centaur.
Shane was still in the playoffs so he had spent the last few weeks in Ottawa staying with Yuna and David. Yuna had facetimed him as she viewed houses so he could see what they were like. As she had flipped the camera round on the fourth house's garden he knew that was the one. It was large, fully enclosed with tall fences, bushes and trees. There was a grill area, seating and even though it wasn't half as remote as his house in Boston, it was quiet. He could see Shane in every corner of the house, he could see him lounging in the garden, he could see him bent over the kitchen island with Ilya behind him, he could see them cuddling in front of the fireplace. He just hoped Shane would love it as much as he did.
Unfortunately, or well fortunately for Ilya but he was sad for Shane, the Voyagers had been knocked out of the Conference finals. It had been a tight series but they had been beaten by the Admirals in the sixth game. It had meant that Shane had yet to see Ilya's new house but in a month this was going to change. Ilya had to go back to Boston to organise movers and say goodbye to the Bears and then he would be back for when unrestricted free agency opened so he could sign with Ottawa straight away. It meant they didn't have quite as long as they hoped at the cottage before the pre-season started as Ilya needed to settle in, but Shane would be staying with him in his new place so it would work out in the end.
He was nervous for the new team, apprehensive at moving to another new country, hesitant about leaving his friends but he was so excited to be so close to Shane. He was hopeful that Shane would love the house, elated at the thought of Yuna and David being so close by. It was a bittersweet time but it was worth it. Shane was worth it.
The devil works fast but Yuna Hollander and Farah work faster.
The contract had been signed. Ilya Rozanov was now an Ottawa Centaur.
No longer a bear but now a………horse? Equine? Whatever the hell a centaur was, Ilya had no fucking clue.
Regardless it was official and by some miracle it had been kept under wraps. Rumours were swirling that he had already signed with a team but the public and the rest of the league had no idea where he had decided to end up.
The afternoon of July 2nd, after he had signed with the team, Harris the socials guy had taken a few shots of him on the ice and wearing the Centaurs colours.
By July 5th they were ready to announce. Harris had captured Ilya's online presence exactly with the teaser.
@ottawacentaurs_official
We're ready to bring out our newest team member…..
Centaur fans, we hope you are ready.
click for full video
The video started with the silhouette of a man walking into the Tire Centre. Hockey bag slung over one shoulder and wearing a baggy hoody hiding any discerning features with the hood pulled up high over his head.
You′re like an imprint
You've got fire running down your cheeks
You burn everything you see
He makes his way into the empty locker room. The shot zooms into his back as he pulls off his hoody and t-shirt. Too close to catch a glimpse of his face, instead focusing on the golden expanse of skin as he turned around.
Gold are your fingers
Leaving traces everywhere you go
Diamonds in your skin, my blood flows
The man shrugs on a centaurs jersey, the shot only captures the logo, again purposefully avoiding any number that would give away the new player's identity.
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
In the shadow of the tunnel, his head bowed low, the player makes his way down towards the ice. No name, no number, no obvious features.
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
The shot cuts to the Centaurs players sitting on the bench looking out towards the ice, banging their sticks against the boards to the beat and chanting. All are clearly eager to see who their newest team member is.
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Clips of the player skating around, showing off his stick handling and shots at goal flash on the screen, the rest of the team are slightly blurry but obviously in awe as they watch from the bench. The player's visor stops any clear shot of his face and he avoids getting too close to his new teammates.
The sound of the water
Beads drippin′ down your face
Calling out, calling out my name
You were December
Eyes cold, freeze my blood
Somehow, somehow not enough
He pulls up to a sudden stop in front of the team, he ducks his head and can be seen pulling off his helmet. The shot cuts away quickly to show the disbelief on the teams faces at the reveal over the players shoulder, still no features are shown. Shock turns into elation as they all begin cheering and banging their sticks against the boards once again.
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
The camera moves down to the players skates, spiralling round the player, moving the camera up with each line until it reaches a shot of soft blonde curls just on the edge of his jawline.
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
Bring the, bring the lion out
Bring the lion out
With the final line, the player casts his gaze downwards so the camera can fully capture the new player. Ilya grins, a combination that's both cheesy and smug, just on the edge of arrogance. Like he knows exactly who is and what he is bringing to the team.
Bring the, bring the lion out
With a wink, the video cuts to black with a final couple lines of text in white standing boldly as the music fades out.
HE'S NO LONGER A BEAR
WELCOME TO THE CENTAURS #81
The team's logo flashes up on the screen. Ilya Rozanov has officially been announced as a Centaur.
The most unexpected trade in the last decade and it was announced as a music video/thirst trap. Ilya wouldn't have had it any other way.
After the trade had been announced, Ilya had been very grateful to the powerhouse that is Yuna Hollander. She had ensured the house sale had gone through quickly, quietly and all his boxes were moved from Boston to Ottawa before everything had been announced. The moving company had unpacked his items and after moving a few things around, the house was set up. Both David and Yuna had been by to ensure he had settled in, they had brought the good Russian vodka, bread, herbs, spices and the best local takeout menus for him. He was sure they had been snuck in by David as there was no way Yuna would have approved of those but they were definitely appreciated. Everything was ready to go in his new place, he was just waiting for Shane to see it.
Shane hadn't yet had a chance to sneak into Ilya's place, he himself was in the process of selling the sex condo and making sure everything was squared away in Montreal before he drove over to Ottawa for the rest of the summer. But now he was only 15 minutes away. Ilya was nauseous at the thought. He wanted everything to be perfect for when he arrived. He had gotten a shoe rack for by the door, new house slippers for them both- Shane's were lined up ready for him to slip his feet into, there were ingredients prepared in the fridge ready for them to cook together, ginger ale's were chilling next to his coke and Ilya had ensured that every room in the house had hidden condoms and small packets of lube. The house was ready, but he was far from it.
Tyres crunched over the gravel driveway and Ilya leapt up from where he was anxiously watching the security feed from his kitchen barstools. Rubbing his hands on his trousers, he took a few deep breaths in an effort to rid himself from the nervous energy bubbling in him before he threw open the door.
Shane looked beautiful. He was in the process of grabbing his bags from the boot of the car when he heard the door being opened and a wide smile stretched his lips at the sight of Ilya. Shane always had a calm, steady expression on his face when meeting new people or when he was around acquaintances but when he looked at Ilya? His face lit up, it was like a light had been switched on in his soul, any pain or nervousness he had been holding on to finally was let go, he looked lighter and happier in his heart. He looked in love and it was all for Ilya. He knew how few people got to see this version of Shane and Ilya treasured it. It was precious, an honour to be the reason Shane looked like that, it made everything he had done this year worth it. And when Shane had hurried over with his bags hastily piled on one of his shoulders, after way too long, Ilya finally had Shane back in his arms.
Shane's bags had fallen to the floor as they barrelled into each other, they grabbed at the others backs, clutched their t-shirts in their effort to be as close as possible. Eventually, though it was probably no more than 2 minutes, Ilya untucked his face from the crook of Shane's neck and captured his lips in a kiss. It was desperate, gasping into each other's mouths, lips tingling with slightly messy nips and sucks.
Hands started to wander moving from backs to waist, hips, ass, up to necks, jaws and hair. Shane started to push Ilya back but with a heaving effort, Ilya slowed the kiss till they simply brushed each other with each deep breath they took.
"Hi."
Shane let out a little giggle at the whispered greeting, "hi baby. Should we take this inside?"
Ilya's slight hesitancy surprised Shane if the confused furrow in his brow was anything to go by. "Yes, I will bring you inside. Then we….christen?" Shane nodded with affirmation, "Each room okay?"
"You don't want to do that first?" Shane had expected Ilya to ravage him as soon as he got there, it had been well over a month since they had last seen each other and based on the increasing frequency of their facetime calls, they were both more than desperate for it.
"I want to…I want to show you house first oke?" His nervousness must've been clear on his face with the slight flush over his cheeks as Shane's questioning gaze softened slightly.
A small nod and "okay" was all he managed to get out before he released a high pitched shriek mixed with a yelp which changed to loud laughter as Ilya bent down and swept him off his feet. Shane barely had a moment to reach his arms round Ilya's neck and hold on tight before Ilya stepped gracefully over Shane's scattered bags on the porch as he maneuvered them both inside. Shane's laughter filled the entrance-way as Ilya settled him gently down on his feet right next to the new slippers. He barely gave him any time to deposit his Reeboks on the rack and slide the comfy soft shoes onto his feet, whilst he grabbed Shane's bags from outside, before he grabbed Shane's hand and began to drag him down the hallway.
They travelled from room to room, Ilya pointing out features he thought Shane would love or appreciate in his efforts to please him. Shane wasn't always the best at understanding subliminal messages, but the fifth question Ilya asked to see if he liked it, Shane had picked up on why Ilya had been so nervous when they stood outside moments earlier. He noticed the tightness in his back and rise of his shoulders as they made their way to the back of the house. The living room was brightly lit with the summer sun beaming through the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the large backyard. They made their way round the comfy sectional sofas, passed the ottoman and beanbags piled in the corner to the french doors. Ilya's eye never left Shane's face. He couldn't miss Shane's reaction, he needed to make sure he had made the right decision.
"Do you like?" He asked once more. Twiddling his thumbs, he watched the awe on Shane's face. His Mr. Real Estate.
"Ilya…. this place..it's gorgeous." Thank fuck he liked it, Ilya wasn't sure if he could move again. "You couldn't have chosen better!"
"I'm glad you like it." At this Shane peeled his eyes away from the garden and over to Ilya.
"I love it. Do you?"
"Yes.. I think so, now I do." He shrugged slightly and pulled Shane into his front to stop his searching gaze from seeing too much. Back to chest with his arms wrapped round his waist and Shane resting his on top, they looked out again and slightly swayed together.
"I-" he took a slightly shaky breath in. "I was on call with your mama and she showed me this view." Shane squeezed his hands, they must've been trembling, and leant his head back on Ilya's collarbone. "And I could see us here."
At that, Shane turned his head and placed a feather light kiss to Ilya's jaw, "yeah?"
"I would marry you anywhere Shane… but all I could think of when I looked out was that I want to marry you here." Ilya was looking away from Shane as he said this, he didn't quite have the guts to watch Shane's reaction to his honesty. But gentle hands reached up as he turned in his arms. Shane brought Ilya's face down so their foreheads touched and they had no other option but to look into each other's eyes.
"I love you Ilya. So much." And with that, their lips touched once again.
The kiss was coaxing and pulling. Gentle in a way that couldn't be more different to the one they shared outside. They were magnets, never straying too far from each other. Surprisingly chaste, but no lacking in feeling. Never pulling far away from the other and in no means hurried. They had time to be in the moment, with each other, loving the man in front of them in their new home. It was the start of the rest of their lives.
After they had christened the master bedroom and then subsequently its en suite bathroom, they had made their way downstairs to the kitchen. Over the last year, they had taken to cooking together on facetime when they were miles apart and missing each other. It was something they loved and cherished but it would be difficult once again come September when they would have to go back to that instead of what was in front of Ilya. Music played around them as they cooked together, it was nothing fancy, nothing too impressive, but it was real. They swayed and bopped to the beats, laughing at each other as they joked about. Ilya took every opportunity to touch Shane, whether it was bumping their hips together, holding his waist to guide him slightly out of the way in order to reach something or smacking a kiss to his cheek just because he could. As they finally pushed the dish into the oven, they had a bit of free time, just to exist together.
It took Ilya back to the night in the cottage, listening to music and dancing under stars. And well, they needed to christen the house that way too.
Inconspicuously, as Shane's back was turned whilst he stacked the dishwasher, Ilya queued up the next song. He continued cleaning as the final few chords of the current music song rang out, but placed the spatula he was holding down on the counter, when the queued song started to play. Nonchalantly, Ilya made his way over to Shane and wrapped his arms around him, heads resting together. Both of their eyes closed as they swayed.
We've only been dating for year
But I'm gonna take a risk and sound a little weird
I want the picket fences
And an arch around the entrance
Two Ikea twin beds for the kids
Ilya moved his hands down to Shane's hips and turned him gently. Their eyes met and Ilya raised a teasing eyebrow at him. Goading Shane into dancing, which had most definitely not improved over the last year. A silent laugh escaped them both as Ilya walked them back slightly to the centre of the kitchen. Shane's arms wandered higher until he rested them on Ilya's shoulders and played with the hair on his neck.
It's normal to be a little scared
But I wanna bend the rules and play some truth or dare
So ask me any question
I don't really care
The only thing I care about is if you'll meet me there
Ilya pulled Shane closer so there was not an inch of space between them.
And I wanna take your name
And I know you want the same
They moved round the tiled floor, Ilya's toes curling with a wince when they were inevitably stepped on. But their eyes never left the others, they held their gaze, never looking at their feet, completely entranced.
When you hold me
I see the end of a movie
Everyone thinks that we're crazy
And maybe we are
I hate the middle, let's skip to the part
With another teasing twitch of his head, Ilya reached up from Shane's waist and grabbed his hand. Twirling three times, much more successfully than the last time they did this, before he pulled Shane back in sharply. Laughter rang out as they moved together.
When you kiss me
Surrounded by friends and our family
Know we're too young to get married
We knew from the start
I'm sick of waiting
So can we just skip to that part?
Shane brushed his spare hand through Ilya's curls, his nails scratching slightly. His other hand, still held tightly in Ilya's, was brought up to the other man's lips. They lingered, pressed against the back of it, Ilya's beard slightly scratching the soft skin there.
The only way this is gonna hurt
Is if we got old and you were the one to go first
So I'm wishin' on elevens
That we both meet up in Heaven
And fall in love again just like the first time
Shane pressed his forehead against Ilya's temple, an unforgiving grip on his waist and gentle kisses pressed to his cheek made his eyes flutter closed. He was Ilya's.
And I know it all sounds lame
But I know you feel the same
Letting go of Shane's hand, Ilya moved his now free arm up to wrap around Shane's shoulder. Both of their heads were now pressed in the others necks, embraced in a tight hug, they continued to sway.
When you hold me
I see the end of a movie
Everyone thinks that we're crazy
And maybe we are
I hate the middle, let's skip to the part
Ilya swayed them a little harder, just enough to use the momentum to tilt Shane back ever-so slightly enough for his leg to come up and with his arms still tightly wrapped around him, Ilya bent down for their lips to meet. He licked into Shane's mouth, who was still bent back over his arm.
When you kiss me
Surrounded by friends and our family
Know we're too young to get married
We knew from the start
I'm sick of waiting
So can we just skip to that part?
"One day." He whispered against Shane's lips, as he brought them up to stand back on both their feet. "One day I will kiss you like that but it will be at our wedding."
When I met you
I told my friends that I'd date you
No one believed it would come true
But look where we are
We're on our way
I know one day we'll get to that part
"Not if I do it first, Rozanov." Shane challenged. Foreheads together, arms around the other, lips meeting back in the middle.
It was never a question of if it would happen, only a matter of when.