Chapter Text
Ray and Pete enjoy a few months of recovery and for Ray, more than anything, he enjoys a few months of uninterrupted sleep and peaceful dreams. That is until one morning, where he's slowly opening his eyes as the sun comes up and coming to the recollection of another. It's not a nightmare, it's just a vision or memory or dream or whatever of them walking. And he's seen them, the whole lot of them in his dreams. And he's seen them look tired and exhausted and damn-near looking like corpses as they're walking, but this isn't that. He just sees them walking, all of them. In whatever dream-timeline he's seeing. Ray sees himself between Pete and Hank, who's beside Art. Gary in front of them and Collie, a few feet at his side. Harkness, a few paces behind them and Stebbins, a few paces behind him.
And they're just walking. No one seems tired, no one seems worried or afraid like in his past dreams. There's a girl with a sign on the side of the road, cheering Ray on. Pete says something to him, he doesn't remember what, but he sees himself grinning.
And maybe that's why Ray's woken to it so calmly. And as he does, he feels something inside him wondering if he needs to keep doing it. If he needs to keep up and about dying for these boys. And it makes him a little sick to think about. But he also tells himself he'd do it if it meant he kept living, right here in Pete's arms.
Ray adjusts and instead of waking Pete to talk about the dream, he instead decides to turn and throw his arms around him and bring Pete into the rest of him. And while the dream still feels like a memory, for the first time, it doesn't feel like a warning. So he holds himself against Pete, in his pajama pants and T-shirt. And he just holds Pete as close to him as he can, trying to throw an uncomfortable leg over Pete's as he just holds him close. Breathing him in, soaking him in, taking him in, for as long as he possibly can.
And it's not long. Pete wakes a few minutes later, sees and feels Ray up against him, holding him in his arms and Pete's arms adjust to do the same. To bring him in as close as he can until their bodies and their fronts are locked together. "What're you doing, Ray?"
"Nothing," he whispers back. "Just wanted to feel you. Just wanted to make sure each bit of you's real. Just wanted to make sure."
"I'm real, Ray, thanks to you. I'm here," he throws a quick, messy kiss to Ray's cheek, before letting his head fall back against the pillow.
And Ray feels like he doesn't need to tell Pete about the dream he'd had. Except he does. They were walking, all of them. None of them died, but he'd had the dream. And despite the feeling in his gut that it doesn't mean anything, he owes it to Pete to tell him. That maybe they aren't out of it. Maybe Ray's still supposed to get his ticket at the end of the day. And as he's thinking it, he's realizing that's what it's really, truly called in his dreams or memories or whatever. But he might die again, if he's still having these dreams and memories. "Are you working today?"
"Just a quick weekday double. I'll be back by six at the latest," Pete mutters, voice distant and slurred with sleep. "You okay?"
And Ray, the asshole he is, doesn't say anything. Because he doesn't feel like he's marked anymore, he feels everything's okay and the dream he'd had wasn't a bad one. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it was almost good. They were all there, they all seemed to walk and walk and walk, with no problems. So he nods. "Yeah, Pete. I'm okay… I'm okay."
Pete tightens his grips around him a little, presses his forehead to Ray's. "You'd tell me if you weren't, wouldn't you?"
And Ray nods against it. Even if it's a lie. Because for whatever reason, after having a dream of what he's dreamt of in the past, he feels alright. He feels safe, he feels protected, he feels like he's going to live regardless. And it's early, as it always is when he remembers these things. So he nods against Pete's forehead again, lying like the asshole he is. "I would, Pete. Of course I would."
"Alright," Pete's hands begin rubbing at his sides, massaging and kneading and Ray closes his eyes at the feel of Pete's calloused hands slipping under his shirt. "Now, go back to sleep. I've got you, Ray. I've got you."
And Ray knows he does, so he pulls himself a little closer to Pete, throws his leg over Pete's again and kisses him, just once. Enough to feel his lips and enough to feel how close Pete is to him. And somehow, instead of throwing his hands at Pete's shoulders, Ray's throwing his arms around them. Pulling him in, tight and hard and sudden as he's throwing his mouth into the crook of Pete's neck.
Because even though he feels this whole-whatever-ordeal is done, he's just had another dream. And while he feels okay about it, he just wants to hold Pete close in case this is it. In case this is the last time.
And Pete's arms are around him too, until Ray's being pulled into and on top of Pete's chest as he turns in bed, "What's going on, Ray?" he finally asks, after a few long moments of them just there, just in each other's arms.
"I don't want to tell you."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to think about it–" and Ray feels himself start to cry. And it's not an existential-thing, he still doesn't feel like that's what's happening but he's afraid to find out if he's right or not in the next twenty-four hours. And suddenly, he feels himself begin to shake and he's not even sure how that's possible, but it happens. And he's almost afraid he's going to die again. After everything. After fucking everything.
"Then tell me what I can do, alright? Can I do anything?"
Ray's face twists up and he somehow squeezes ever tighter. "Can you just hold me? Can you just hold me for a second? Please?"
"Already done, Ray. Already done, baby."
Ray nods into Pete's neck and shoulder, "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Pete."
"Why're you apologizing?"
"I'm just afraid I'm wrong, Pete. I'm a little afraid it might happen again. When I really don't, I know you won't let it happen. But I'm just a little afraid it might find me again. And I'm just feeling like it's a possibility today–"
"That's also called PTSD–"
"No, but this is a little different, I think. I just feel a little extra stressed. I don't know. I don't really know, Pete. I just– what if I need to pay for my own life too? Why did I think it was just all of you? Didn't I die in this past timeline too? Shouldn't I have to almost die in this one to get to live in it?"
Pete grabs at the sides of Ray's head, lifts it from where it's buried in his neck. And he looks Ray dead in the eyes. "You had another dream, didn't you?"
His face betrays him immediately and after a few seconds, he nods.
"Ray," Pete's eyebrows knit together. "What was it?"
"I don't know, Pete. It was different. But it was still a dream from back wherever we are. Or were."
Pete nods once, pauses. "Can you tell me about it?"
"Oh, Pete," Ray lets his forehead fall to Pete's for a moment. He shakes his head when he lifts it. "That's the problem, Pete. That's the whole problem. It wasn't like the others. I mean it was, but I'm not seeing any of us get our heads blown off. We're just walking. And we don't look tired and we don't look afraid. It's not a bad dream. But it's there. We're there again. We're still walking. We're still fucking walking."
Pete nods, a little too quick. And Ray hates himself because all he's doing is worrying Pete. "We're all good? In the dream?"
Ray nods, "Yeah. We're all good. And that's the thing, Pete. I always felt a sort of way after I'd wake up from these dreams. I'd feel like I had a sniper laser on my forehead the entire day, felt like I was just an inch away from death the second I woke up. And I don't feel that. I feel fine. And deep down, Pete? Deep down in my gut, something tells me it's alright. That I'm alright. But it's just having a dream and not knowing. That's the worst part. That's the worst fucking part."
"So we lay low today. Stay alert. I'll call out, ask Tress to cover for me. He's been wanting to pick up extra shifts anyway. He's missing the servicing side of the job over the management side, so he'll be fine to do it. Okay? We take it the same as we did before. Just to be sure."
"I don't want you to have to do that every time I have a stupid dream–"
"That's nothing, Ray. That's nothing. That just means I get to spend the day with you. In fact, that's everything. That's what I'd rather do anyway."
Ray nods after a moment and lets himself fall back into Pete, "I don't know what it means, Pete," he says into his neck, muffled but enough to be heard. "I don't think it means what the others did. But I think I'm okay. I think I'm just a little scared in case I'm not."
"You're good, Ray. You're all good," Pete's voice comes like warm butter on bread. "Even if it is, I've got you. I'll get you this time. I'll redeem myself just a bit." And there's a hint of teasing in his voice. Because they've talked about this. They've talked about how Pete feels like he's let Ray down and Ray's had to reassure him time and time again that he didn't. That he hasn't.
And it's in these moments where Ray feels he's able to reassure Pete, where Pete feels like he's failed something, like he's failed Ray, that Ray really lets himself be vulnerable in saying just how grateful he is. For Pete, for this life, to be alive. And if he needs to do it all again for this life, one more time, then sure. He'll do it.
So the day goes on as it does. Pete stays home, Ray stays in with him. Pete makes breakfast, Ray makes them lunch. They cook dinner together while Ray knits in between meals and Pete reads, with Ray leaning into Pete's front as something plays on the television. As they mutter at each other over mundane things, unimportant things that hold no weight or gain, but still seem to because it's the two of them. Just talking, just being in each other's presence. So of course, it's important. Of course it's not mundane.
And Ray's not afraid like in times past. He's not feeling like the dream means anything other than maybe closing some loop, closing off the timeline from his whatever-past that means he'll never dream it up ever again. And the day passes. And they're still on-alert, on-guard. But when it's time to sleep, they do. Pete does. Ray does. And he finds himself waking to the same exact dream, the same one he'd had the night before.
And it's the first time he wakes up, seeing them all in this other-world, where he feels fully at-peace. Calm. He had the dream the day before and here he is, alive to have it again. No run-ins with death, just a regular day at home with Pete. Only, this time he has it, the dream's a little different. And really, all that's different is that he remembers hearing what Pete says as they're walking. As the girl on the side of the road holds up her sign and as Ray waves absentmindedly back at her.
"The boy's got a fan, let him have his fun."
"Thanks, Pete."
"Hey, don't thank me too much. I like you. But if you fall over, I won't pick you up."
He remembers that's what was said. That's what he missed from the morning before, when he woke up. Not in a panic, just in concern. But the universe hasn't tried to kill him off just yet and they've made it through the night. And Ray thinks, all the way deep down into his soul and bones, the universe has righted itself in his favor. Because even though he'd been a little afraid the day before, waking up to a dream like he'd had, this one feels finite. This one feels real and done and closing everything else off.
He turns into Pete and just stares for a few seconds as he sleeps. Then he begins to start tracing the pieces of Pete into his memory, drawing his finger along his jaw, his nose, his ears, his cheeks, his everything. And he's not trying to wake him, he's just trying to commit him to memory. Just trying to distract himself, just a little bit.
And Pete doesn't wake. There's nothing for him to wake to, because Ray finds himself smiling as he's thinking of the dream he'd had. And he's survived the last one he'd had. So this one just feels like a sort of reminder. Of what happened, of what they might have gone through, of what he might have wished for. And he's not afraid anymore. So he turns and holds Pete close to him again, burying his face into Pete's neck and stays there. Because it's the safest place he can ever find himself, here and now, in Pete's arms.
And when Pete finally wakes, Ray's already there. He's right there, pressing his hand to his neck, kissing at his cheek. Feeling suddenly real grateful and happy and alive. More than anything, he feels alive and he feels like that's finally how it's supposed to be.
"You good, Ray?" Pete finally asks.
"I'm real good, Pete." Ray answers, wholeheartedly and truthfully. Because even though he's had another dream like the night before, everything seems to settle in on itself. The universe, the feeling in his chest, all of it. And he knows it's done. He knows he's finally done what's been needed to earn this life he's living. And he doesn't know why he knows it, but he feels it. So let old age take him, or let some horrible tragedy take him unexpectedly. He doesn't care. He gets this time, right here and now with Pete.
And Ray finds himself thinking on what dream-Pete says to him, that he finds himself grinning at. And he remembers it as clear as day.
"Hey, don't thank me too much. I like you. But if you fall over, I won't pick you up."
And Ray grins, the same way he sees himself in his whatever-memory, while wrapped in Pete's arms. What a fucking lie, he tells himself. Because that's the truth. Pete's picked him up time and time again. And if he needed it another time? Pete'd do it. So it's such a ludicrious thought that Pete wouldn't be there. So Ray leans into it. He doesn't feel the way he has after each one, these are just dreams and they might keep on happening and that's okay. Because he's okay. Pete's okay. They're okay.
And that's the most important thing in this entire universe.
Life goes on. Ray doesn't have any other dreams. He and Pete live their lives, with their friends, with each other, with everything that they can possibly get in this world. And it's perfect. And Ray thinks that it damn-well better be after the shit he's had to go through, the shit he's put Pete and the others through in the last almost year and a half.
And it's a Saturday. It's just a random Saturday that Ray's out on their patio, looking out at the street and thinking. Thinking about how he's not had a dream, he's not almost died, he's not had to have Pete save him for the past six months since the fire. And at the end of it all, he's thinking he's really happy. He's really grateful. And he's really lucky to be alive, to spend every moment he can with Pete at his side.
Which he's currently not. Pete's gone to go get them breakfast so they can have it on the porch. And while Ray almost insisted he accompany him, Pete tells him he wants Ray to stay in bed just a little longer. Because Ray's always the first one out of it and Pete's the one usually sleeping in. And because the roles are reversed and Ray's wanting to spend just a little longer comfortably in bed, Pete's the one to go get them breakfast.
It's one of those things that Pete does for Ray. Where he wonders how he got so lucky with his lot in life. To have Pete, to even just be in his orbit, let alone be loved by the man.
And so when Ray finally pulls himself from bed, he runs a handful of water over his face and for a brief moment, stares at himself in the mirror. He's gotten to the point where he's stopped shaving as frequently. He doesn't know why, he just does. And Pete likes it so he keeps it there, on his face. Because if Pete likes a little bit of scruff, then Ray likes it too.
So then he makes his way to the patio of their shared apartment. It's an apartment now, not a house. And what an asshole Ray is for ruining Pete's house and having the universe trade it in for an apartment, with only a patio to show for it. But Pete's told him, he's reassured him that this is less work, this place is preferred. And he also reassures Ray that in a few years time, it won't matter. That Pete'll have enough saved up to buy a place for the two of them, that he'll wife Ray up real good and nice and that they've got forever to figure out the rest. And the thing is, Ray believes him.
Ray's been trying to do the same. Save his money, work and save so he can do the exact same thing for Pete. Buy them a nice place, something to start on and hopefully something they can build on later in life. Ray knows how hard Pete works and he knows how much he gives up for him. If he can just do this one thing, he will. And he's waiting on the fucking call. He's waiting to hear if it's final or not and that's why he stayed in bed extra late this morning. Because he woke up in the middle of the night, not from a nightmare, but just from stress, that the call won't come in and the house he and Pete looked at the other day will go to some other buyer.
It's a small thing. A two-bedroom, one-bathroom that Pete fell in love with. And because Pete loved it, Ray needed it. He needed to put the offer down, because he has exactly what he needs as a first-time buyer. He has the money for the down payment. And he wants to do this for Pete, for him, for them.
And Pete, bless his heart, has no idea that Ray's been able to bank the amount of money he has to put down to afford a place. Because Ray's never told him and he's never wanted to, because he wants to do this for the two of them. He wants to do this so they can start the rest of their lives. Together, as one unit, as one.
So, Ray's a little stressed after asking their realtor to pull the trigger and waiting to see if the offer's been accepted. And waiting to see if they're about to be homeowners or stay as renters. They're almost up on their six-month lease. It's one of those things where it's now or– it's not never, it's just not now. And that almost feels worse.
And then, Pete comes through the door. And Ray was really hoping to get a call while he was away, so they could have talked before he sprung such a thing on Pete. But when Ray turns, he feels his heart thud just a little harder and his chest feel just a little lighter as he sees Pete walking in with bags and boxes and coffee. Because why wouldn't it, when Peter McVries is walking in with food and coffee for just the two of them?
"Crowd's espresso machine was broken, so I had to pivot. Poor Pearson, he was getting some shit from some random couple about it."
"Did you make sure he got taken care of on our end?"
"Oh boy, I made sure to give him a grand ol' tip. Because, fuck me, Ray. Why are people such assholes? Why are–"
And Ray hears nothing else as he walks forward and throws himself into Pete, letting his lips meet his, messy and sloppy and needy. Because Pete's concerned about Pearson, sweet Pearson who Ray knows can handle his own, yet who Pete's still concerned about.
"What the hell was that for?" Pete asks when he finally pries his lips from Ray's.
"The fact that you even need to ask me makes me feel I need to do it more. And maybe I do. But do I really need a reason to make out with my man? Can you just let me for no reason at all?"
"Don't ask stupid questions. I'll make out with you all day, every day. Whenever and wherever you want."
"And then, you bring breakfast and coffee–" Ray shoves himself up into Pete's space, grabbing at him, latching into him with a real grin plastered on his face that he can't quite get rid of. "Treating me all right and proper. You wanna bed me, Pete?"
"Golly, Ray," Pete manages. They're well-past the stage of handjobs and well-beyond otherwise. "What're you trying to do to me?"
Ray plays it coy, as he does. "I just wanna eat breakfast. Why are you getting all hot and heated?" he plays, whispering in Pete's ear and grabbing at the bag in his hand before turning his back to Pete and pulling the contents from it. Because he knows what it'll do.
And Pete rushes behind him, grabbing at him, at every piece and part of him as he does. "Don't try to be all cute. I know what you're doing."
And Ray answers honestly, "I'm just trying to eat breakfast, Pete. Get your head out of the gutter, freak. I'm just trying to enjoy a meal–"
"Fuck off, Garraty," Pete's hands are on him immediately and he feels himself smiling at the contact. "What's going on with you?"
"Nothing," he smiles and knows this isn't going to be the end of it. "Let's eat. My baby just bought me some breakfast. Bringing it home, the bacon. And hell yes, he is–"
Pete smiles a little back up at him. "You all good, Ray?"
And Ray's feeling a little confident, so he throws himself at Pete and kisses him hard and fast. "I'm good, baby. I'm so fucking good. Just kiss me again like I need to be reminded that you love me? Can you just kiss me hard and good?"
And Pete does, he kisses Ray hard and good and right there. And Ray feels his legs go weak in it, feels himself fall to, but doesn't. Because it's in this exact moment that his phone starts to go off. And he's about to tell whoever's on the other line to piss off, so he can go back to making out with his man. Except he realizes what it might be, who it might be. And Ray's pulling himself away from Pete and rushing into the next room without explanation as he answers.
"Hello?"
He hears his realtor on the other line and hears Pete in just about the same moment. "You okay, Ray? I'm sorry–"
Ray shoves Pete into the hallway and closes the door behind him. "I'm sorry, Pete. Just give me a sec," he says as he focuses back on his realtor's voice on the other line, wondering if it's good or bad news. He lowers his voice, "Sorry, what were you saying?"
"Just saying it's official, Ray. They've accepted our offer and–"
And Ray hears nothing else. All he knows is they've got it. The sellers accepted and now, he gets to tell Pete that he's invested a piece of himself into their future. And he's not really sure how Pete's gonna take it. Not bad, he knows. But Ray's been doing this part of things without him for the past month. It's something he wants to give back to Pete as they've been looking into things. And he suddenly feels nervous and excited and afraid. And everything, all at once. So he thanks Patrick, his realtor and hangs up, figuring he'll work out the details at a later time when he has the wherewithal.
Ray walks out, feels not in his own head and feels a little like he's in one of his dreams. Seeing himself but feeling everything all at the same time.
"You okay, Ray?" Pete asks when Ray finally walks into the kitchen. He holds out the breakfast sandwich, eyebrows raised in concern.
And Ray's so lost in it all, so excited and afraid and ready for this next step, he shoves Pete's hand aside, throws his arms around Pete's shoulders and kisses him. Ray kisses him like it's the last time when really, it's nothing but. Ray pulls away, smiling and grinning back at Pete, who looks all worried and confused and fuck him, if Pete doesn't look all cute looking that way.
"What's going on, Ray?"
Ray kisses him again, just once. His hand cups at Pete's jaw as he does. "Can we eat real quick and can we go for a drive?"
"A drive?" Pete leans back a little, "A drive to where?"
"Don't worry about that. I'll take us. Can we just eat and go?"
"Well boy, now you've got me all curious and a little worried–"
"Nothing to be worried about, Pete. This is a good thing, I think. I'll drive–"
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Better than okay. Can we just eat and then can you let me take us on a drive?"
Pete eyes him suspiciously, but after a few seconds nods. "Alright. But eat quick. Now, I'm all curious about what you're wanting to do and where you're wanting to take us."
Ray raises his eyebrows back at Pete, pulls him back into him once. "You don't trust me?"
"I trust you too much, that's the problem. That's why I want to see what in the hell you've got all cooked up for us."
"I don't have anything cooked up for us, Pete," Ray lies, as he kisses Pete once, twice, a few more times. "Don't know where you'd get such an idea."
"It's like I said. Eat quick now, I need to know what it is you have in store for me."
And Ray nudges Pete along, back to their breakfast sandwiches. And they eat them over coffee, as the day starts out the way it should. As it should any other normal and typical day.
And Ray's about to show Pete the place that he's bought for them, it's not a normal and typical day. But he needs to feel like it is. And sharing coffee and bagel sandwiches seems to do the trick. For the time being, until breakfast's done and Pete's grabbing at Ray's keys and asking where they're going. And Ray's pulling them from Pete's hands, pulling the keys into his pocket and nodding out the door.
"I'm driving. The second I get into the driver's seat, can you please keep your eyes fucking closed?"
"Closed?"
"Please, Pete? Can you do that for me? I don't know how I'll be able to do it otherwise."
"You're a mysterious motherfucker, aren't you, Ray?"
"I'm not trying to be mysterious. I'm just trying to be a little romantic. And you know me, I'm not a romantic, so can you make it just a little easier on me? Please? And let me try–"
Pete throws the palms of his hands against his closed lids and nods. "Whatever you need, Ray. Do I stay like this?"
And Pete doesn't need to, but given he'll know which direction they're headed in a few minutes once he sees it with his own two eyes, he nods. "Yeah, can you stay just like that?"
"For how long?"
"Till I tell you when," Ray smiles a little when he says it, because he's starting to hear a little more confidence in his voice since he and Pete started dating and he's shocked to hear he likes the sound of it. He just likes the sound of himself feeling less and less like the loser he always thought he'd be, before he met Pete. "Locked in, Pete. Keep those hands locked in and just trust me." He manages as he's driving him and Pete down the road. "You trust me, yeah?"
"With everything in me, Ray. Don't ask stupid questions," Pete answers easily, his hands still stay at his eyes. "Just tell me when."
And after another ten minutes, Ray pulls up to the house. To this tiny, little thing he and Pete looked at weeks ago that Pete couldn't afford, but Ray could. And a thing Ray lied about. They'd talked about it and Ray's saved more than Pete's been able to. Ray simply makes a more consistent salary than Pete and that's fine. That's okay, that's why he's been wanting to do this. So Ray makes sure Pete's eyes are closed, his palms are covering his eyes as he opens his door and is rushing around to Pete's side, pulling his door open, grabbing at Pete's hand and pulling him outside.
"What're you doing, Garraty?"
"I'm just trying to work up the courage for something. So just let me," he smiles a little. "I'm a little stressed about it, so will you just let me?"
"My hands are here and planted. You take as long as you'd like, baby."
And Ray doesn't know why or how, but that's what does it. Hearing Pete's voice, hearing him say what he does is enough. And he takes Pete's wrists in his hands. "You promise you still trust me?"
"Always, Ray. Always."
Ray holds tight to Pete's wrists, still held tight against his face, as he spins him around once, twice, three times. And he risks it. He lets his hands fall from his wrists, stares back at the house that's now theirs and nods. "Okay, open."
And Pete does. Ray sees him recognize the house they've seen and loved in the past month. And Ray tries to gauge a reaction, a good one, a bad one. At this point, he'll take anything, because Pete's just standing there, staring. "What're we doing back here, Ray?" Pete finally asks.
So Ray begins explaining himself, to justify it all in case he's made the wrong move, in case this isn't the direction they're headed. "I've just been saving the money, Pete. And I know it's not a lot. It's small and it needs some work, but I just figure this could be the next step for us. Livin' here–"
Pete grabs at Ray's shoulders and kisses him. Hard and fast and fierce as he does, and Ray melts into it. How couldn't he? How doesn't he immediately? When Pete finally pulls himself away, he's smiling back at Ray, all starry-eyed. "When did they start renting it up? I thought they were still looking for buyers?"
Ray grins at the answer, "They are, Pete. Well, I guess they were."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I bought it, Pete. I bought it for us. So we can work on growing up on into the forever, the two of us–"
"Wait Ray, what do you mean you bought it?"
"I bought it. I bought it for you and me."
Pete just stares back at Ray, like he's trying to put two and two together. And his eyebrows knit together as he does, his mouth hangs open just slightly. "What are you talking about, Ray? You did not buy this house."
"I did. I've been saving up. And you loved it so much last time we were here. And I had enough for the down payment. So I called a realtor and asked them to make an offer. And I found out just this morning that they accepted," and Ray's getting a little concerned that Pete's not happy he's made such a big decision without him. "I'm sorry, I probably should have included you in all this, but I didn't want to get your hopes up in case we didn't get it–"
"Ray, I mean– this is… this is big. This is a house. This is–" he lets out a breath, a short, almost disbelieving laugh. "This is years, Ray. These are roots. And you really went and built something like this… like it's a given."
And Ray pulls away from Pete, just a little. And he feels like an absolute fool when he does. Because why is he sinking money into something that he knows might eventually end once Pete realizes he's better off without him? And Ray's pulling himself away, shaking his head, feeling all downright stupid. "Fuck," he finally says, reeling into himself and he shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I just thought– for a second, I just thought that maybe– Fuck. I'm sorry–"
"No, that's not–" Pete's on him right and quick. "Quit apologizing, Ray. That sort of came out wrong, I'm just a little… shocked, I think. And my brain's trying to process a lot, all at once. But I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. You've just up and bought us a house. Why the fuck would I complain when I'm living my best life? I'm just a little afraid of when you realize I'm not worth the trouble, down the road. We talk about forever, like it's all locked in. Like you won't wake up one day and realize you could do better, find better than me. And then what? You're stuck with a house that's supposed to be us and then, it's just you. With someone better–"
Ray takes a moment, finds the time to calm his inner-panic as it goes away after hearing Pete's words. "That's what you're concerned about? Since when did that become one of your insecurities, Pete? That's supposed to be mine."
"I'm being serious, Ray."
"So am I. And I'm telling you, that'll never happen, Pete. You know that, right?" Ray says out into the world as he pulls Pete against him. "I hope you know that it never will. Pete, I bought this with you at the forefront of my mind. I bought this thinking of us. If I can't think I'm unworthy of such a love like yours, then you can't think it either of mine. Can you promise me you won't?"
Pete nods after a few seconds, "Okay, Ray. Okay."
"D'you promise?"
"I promise."
"Okay. Okay. Now, can you let me show off the house I just bought so I can live in it with my fucking man?" Ray presses a kiss to Pete's lips once, raises his eyebrows expectantly.
Pete nods back quickly, "Alright. Lead the way, Garraty."
"You're sure this is okay? That you're okay with all this?"
"Okay, Ray? Okay? Ray, this is everything. So yeah. Yeah, I think this is okay."
And so Ray goes to get the keys, they've been left in a lockbox and Ray has the access code. So he lets them into the property, grabbing at Pete's hand as he leads him into the living room. And he tries to play it all cute and coy, pretending like he's showing it off for the first time, like he's trying to sell it off.
And then he's moving into the kitchen and for a moment, he's not hearing Pete behind him, but he's continuing anyway. And after a few seconds, he wants to make sure Pete's following him along, because it's their house now, and he wants to show it all the way off like it's the first time Pete's seeing it.
So he turns and that's when he sees it, that's when he sees Pete. With one knee on the ground and with something small and closed in his hand. And Ray's about to pass out, as Pete opens what's in his hands. He feels his mouth fall open at the sight. "Pete, what're you doing?"
"I've been sitting with this pretty, little box in my pocket for weeks, Ray. And I don't know why– and I'm sure there's probably a million other ways to do it, to ask it. But I don't know. This just feels like a really good time to ask you to marry me." Pete holds up the ring in his hand, his dad's ring, Ray now slowly begins to realize. A simple gold band, nothing special but something Pete's gotten, out of permission and out of love. His mom's given it to Pete to ask, she must've. And Pete's on one knee, looking up at him all questioning. Like this is ever something he needs to question. And Ray's all but throwing himself into Pete as it's asked. Arms around his shoulders, lips against his lips, eyes watering and brain questioning. And so he asks.
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure, Ray?" Pete asks while in Ray's arms, while Ray's in his. "This is the easiest decision of my life. Not even a decision. Easiest thing I could possibly do. I've been wanting to ask for a while. It's been in my pocket and I've been waiting for the right time. And I don't ever know when that'll be. But I just figured right now felt right. As we're both talking about the future and the rest of forever. So, will you have me, Ray?" Pete gets on one knee again and Ray pulls him upright and back up into him. "Will you marry me?"
"You're not just saying that because I've gotten all antsy and bought us a house, are you?"
"Ray, you've just bought us a forever. Like all hell if I don't lean into it. Just a little."
"You're not just saying that, are you, Pete?"
"I don't say shit I don't mean, Garraty. Now can I feel your lips on mine, so I don't lose my everloving mind?"
And Ray does, he throws himself into Pete and lets his lips crash against his in the world's most horrible and beautiful makeout session that can ever possibly exist. As Ray throws Pete against a wall, their wall, as Ray's making it well and known just how into this whole thing he is. The rest of their lives, into forever. With a house and with rings on their fingers.
Ray peels himself off and away and looks at Pete, toothy-grinning back at him because he just can't help it. "Did I say yes?" Ray finally asks and continues to answer as he does. "Because, yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'd marry you a thousand times over, Pete. I'd marry you over and over again. Every day, every fucking day, if it meant I get to have this. If it meant I get to feel your arms around me, if it meant I can feel this every fucking day. So, of course. Yes."
"So will you? Will you have me, Ray? Will you have me to the end of my days?"
"Only if you'll have me till the end of mine," Ray kisses at Pete's neck as he's holding onto him. "And it might be soon, Pete. Or it might be long. Are you okay with anything otherwise?"
"If you are, I am, Ray. As long as you are, I fucking am."
"Can you do me a real quick favor, Pete? Because at this point, I don't know if I can finish the tour. Because my head's spinning and I'm real fucking dizzy and hoping I'm not dreaming this all up. But can you just kiss me again? Pretend like I need to be reminded that you love me as much as you do–"
Pete reaches for Ray's neck and draws his lips to his. Not hard, but insistent. Not fast, but nimble. Not fierce, but passionate. And Ray falls right into it, because they have this. They'll have this the rest of their lives, for forever.
And as Pete places his dad's ring on Ray's finger, Ray realizes he's got to be the luckiest person in the world. And he also knows that this isn't a realization. He's known it for a while. He's known it since freshman year, when he first introduced himself to Pete, that he was just lucky enough to know a person like Pete. But to get to live with him? To be married to him? To be loved by him?
Fuck, he'll almost die a hundred times over if it means he just gets to know him, let alone spend his dying days with Pete. And that's what this is, isn't it? That's what this life's going to be. And Ray's had a lot of dying days in the past year. And now, he gets to have a lot of living ones.
And isn't that something so beautiful? And so perfect that he gets to spend them with Peter McVries, the love of his life, his soulmate? And Ray's never been the type to believe soulmates existed, it all sounded like a bunch of bullshit growing up. But the last year's changed a few things. Because how can a soulmate not exist when Ray decided to introduce himself to some stranger going into History 101 and have this very person be the one to save him time and time again and love him so unendlessly and relentlessly? How can a soulmate not exist when Ray's dreaming of universe-memories where Pete chooses him every single time even if it means his own death and demise? How can a soulmate not exist if not in this lifetime, this timeline, this universe when it's Ray Garraty and Pete McVries?
And Ray thinks a little more about it and smiles into Pete's shoulder as he's holding him, close and tight and secure. And so he throws it back out there at Pete. "Here and now, baby. Just you and me, here and now."
"Yeah, Ray. And up on into forever."
Ray nods into it, because really, that's what this is. They have the here and now moments, like the current here and now. Where they're just holding each other, engaged and buying a house. And sure, big moments. But there's also the here and now from earlier, where Pete's going to get them breakfast so Ray can stay a little longer in bed. Or the other here and now moments, where Pete's saving Ray's ass every few months. Who's to say?
But there's also the moments they don't have or they haven't yet. The forever-moments that Ray's not sure they'll realize are forever-moments until they become the here and now ones. And maybe that's okay. And maybe that's just perfect. Because if they really know they have forever-moments in the here and now, do they really ever become forever-moments? And he thinks not. He thinks they don't. So yes, he'll let himself relish in the here and now. Because it's so fucking good in the here and now.
And he'll let whatever forever-moments come. Because he'll be with Pete. And being with Pete means forever. So sure.
So here. And now. And forever.