Chapter Text
Acadec gc
flash: my bf is so hot
abe: … is this you finally coming out to us?
flash: I MENT TO SEND THAT TO A DIFFERENT GC…
abe: Who's the unlucky guy?
flash: Seriously?
flash: It's Peter.
peter: … hi
abe: wait wait PETER? HOT?
flash: you haven't seen him shirtless.
abe: true but like how???
flash: he's hiding his abs from us abe.
mj: LMFAOOOO
ned: PETER AND FLASH ARE A THING NOW???
peter: I might have forgotten to tell you?
mj: but shad probably knows
peter: …
peter: eugh my period started.
abe: ??? does this need to be announced??
peter: yes. im an asshole when my period hits
Avengers+
peter: warning for a hormonal teenage spider who's refusing to go to school today
tony: ???
peter: I'm not going to school today.
tony: That's fine. Why, though?
peter: period started >:C
peggy: @bucky Get started on a batch of cookies
peter: THANKS GRANDMA
peggy: ???
peter: r u not my grandma?
tony: peter she's my auntie
peter: same difference
peggy: Funnily enough, the only reason Tony's not my kid legally is because Howard didn't want me raising a kid on my own.
tony: wait what
tony: What do you mean by that?
tony: WAIT AM I ADOPTED???
peggy: You didn't know???
tony: I'm gonna remind you that Howard and Maria died when I was 16.
peggy: Yeah. They were supposed to tell you before that.
peggy: Wait does this mean you don't know?
tony: know what…
peggy: I need to call Amanda.
peggy: Howard let you live your whole life thinking you're Italian… when your mom is half Japanese and father was half Indian.
tony: I'VE BEEN ASIAN THIS ENTIRE TIME?
tony: wait this means Peter's family tree is also fucked up
ACADEC GC
peter: I just found out I'm ¼ Asian???
peter: Apparently my BIO grandma was ½ japanese and my bio grandpa was ½ indian.
peter: GUYS WHAT THE FUCK
flash: WAIT WHAT..
peter: oh I haven't told you the lore.
peter: my dad isn't dead
peter: the guy I thought was my dad is tho
peter: and my bio dad isn't on my birth certificate so
peter: he had to technically adopt me?
flash: isn't your adoptive dad…?
peter: mhhhhhhm
peter: but apparently he was adopted.
peter: it's kinda funny because I know how to speak Japanese and Hindu
flash: WHAAAAt
flash: suddenly im attracted to smart people
peter: LMFAO???
flash: do you speak spanish too??
peter: yes
flash: oml
flash: I'm gay.
flash: You speak every language I know…
peter: ???
flash: english, spanish, hindu
peter: woah
peter: I also speak Danish but everyone knows that I think
mj: you speak way more than that
peter: …i also speak russian, french, Mandarin chinese, arabic…
mj: and?
peter: I'm not listing every language and dialect I can speak.
sally: RUSSIAN??? CHINESE??? ARABIC??
peter: mhm. I'm still learning Russian tho
peter: one day you're a normal guy the next you're being taught Russian by assassins /j
mj: LMFAOOO
peter: The Black Widow and White Wolf are teaching me Russian.
peter: [let_that_SINK_in.png]
ned: I can't believe I have a signed copy of Bruce Banner’s book because of your nepo baby ass
abe: ???
peter: in my defense I wasn't a nepo baby until like 3 years ago.
abe: WHATTTT
peter: hold on lemme text mom and ask if I can leak some shit to yall
DM: Peter → Pepper
peter: can I tell my acadec team that im dad's kid or do I need to wait
pepper: how old are they?
peter: 17-18
pepper: will they leak it?
peter: No one will believe them if they do
pepper: fair enough
pepper: go ahead
acadec gc
peter: I GOT PERMISSION FROM MOM TO LEAK SHIT TO YALL, HELL YEAH
peter: Just remember guys, this DOESN'T leave the acadec gc as I'm not public *yet*
betty: ???
cindy: HUH.
peter: my dad's tony stark
cindy: WHAHAHAHAHAHAHT
peter: yuP
abe: @flash IS THIS REAL???
flash: considering im in Peter's bed at Stark Tower rn… yeah.
abe: yooo what
DM: Cindy → Peter
cindy: Ok ok, I know this defeats the purpose of secret identity and everything but… Are you Spider-Man? I won't tell anyone…I'm asking for a personal reason.
peter: How do you know that.
cindy: I'm guessing you also got bit by a spider at the OsCorp field trip?
peter: …Yeah.
peter: Wait … Also?
cindy: I'm Silk.
peter: OH MY GOD!!!
Avengers+
peter: i love the magnus archives
peter: me and my favorite stupid lil horror podcast
nadya: tell me you like Gerry Keay or else.
peter: I'm with everyone in this fucking fanbase, that goth boy didn't deserve to die
peter: hIS MOTHER THOOOOO
nadya: yeah Mary Keay is an asshole
nadya: IMAGINE KILLING YOUR HUSBAND (probably via Leitner books) AND KEEPING HIS BONES??? ma'am.
peter: STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEN LEITNER
nadya: GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JURGEN LEITNER
tony: I'm scared..?
fury: This is the first time I've said something here… WHO IS JURGEN LEITNER
peter: worst supervillain of the magnus archives (next to Jonah Magnus ofc)
nadya: who r u???
fury: ??? WHO'S THIS??
nat: my kid
nadya: teehee
nadya: peber wanna play idv w shad and max
nadya: were all playing doctor and trolling to see how long until each hunter surrenders
peter: giggling i love that idea
peter: ……
peter: hi nickolas furry
fury: @tony who is this
peter: mwheheheheheh
tony: that's my son
tony: the other thing you gotta figure out on your own
fury: you? a kid?
peter: he's actually an awesome dad
peter: when he's NOT making it his life mission to embarrass me
nadya: we should go on copycat and you should mic up and say “spooderman spooderman does whatever a spooder can”
peter: THAT'S A GREAT IDEA
fury: ???
peter: lalalalalalalala im ignoring youuuuu
fury: Definitely Stark's son.
fury: NOW NATASHA.
fury: How'd you keep a child a secret for so long?
nat: she was taken from me when she was 2 months old.
fury: Oh.
fury: Nevermind. Don't wanna open that can of worms.
nadya: don't ask why I talk like a hick either
nadya: I AINT no northerner (raised in NC)
nadya: I have an obsession with charbroiled burgers, Cheerwine and Bo’rounds
peter: Being friends with so many North Carolinians makes me feel disgraced to not have tried a Carolina burger that one time I had the chance to.
nadya: tbh they're overrated
peter: My classmate just asked me if I am who I am ???
nadya: that's fucking hilarious
nadya: it's giving shadow
peter: pspspsps can I add shadow hereeeee
peter: he's really smart
peter: and he Knows™
tony: ……no?
peter: okay
tony: also which classmate do I need to send an NDA to?
peter: Cindy. And don't. She's in the same situation.
tony: Oh?
peter: yeahhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh. so uhm……
tchalla: Hello.
peter: Oh hi (totally knows who u are)
shuri: LFMAO I ALREADY LIKE YOU
shuri: That's my brother, the King of Wakanda.
peter: OHHHHHHHHHH
peter: Who are you.
shuri: LMFAOOOOO
shuri: I'm Princess Shuri of Wakanda!
shuri: I've heard a lot about you… :3
peter: …uhhhhhhh?!!!