Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

If losing to Aoba Johsai was heart wrenching, then the walk home after the tournament was equivalent to digging open Shouyou’s chest cavity with bare hands and squeezing his heart until it popped.

Shouyou was all too conscious of Kageyama walking next to him. His arm brushed Shouyou’s elbow as he pushed his bike. Things were usually tense between them, but not like this. Their promise to talk about their –ugh- feelings hung over Shouyou’s head as they made their way home.

Because, right now, Shouyou felt awful.

Volleyball was a team sport; Shouyou knew that. He had learned his lesson as thoroughly as anyone possibly could. But he still felt responsible for making Karasuno lose the game. If he had just been a little bit faster, if he had just jumped a little bit higher-

Shouyou’s head whipped to the left.

If he could just be still, maybe they wouldn’t have lost. Maybe they would have been able to do everything he said they would; maybe they could have gone to nationals.

Shouyou was still moping, anxiety making his tics flare up more so than usual, when Kageyama cleared his throat. Shouyou jumped at the broken silence. “So… This is… shitty,” Kageyama said. “It’s sad that we lost.”

Except Kageyama didn’t sound sad. He sounded angry. Shouyou looked up at him, confused, when he noticed the other boy’s petulant expression. “Wait,” he said, laughing. “Are you…?”

“I promised I would tell you how I feel,” he snapped.

Shouyou giggled. He couldn’t tell if he was amused or incredibly endeared that all of Kageyama’s emotions were shrouded in anger.

Kageyama smacked him on the head when he didn’t stop laughing at him. “Shut up! I just told you I’m sad, you’re not supposed to laugh at me for that! I’m supposed to be able to trust you!” he said indignantly, his face screwed up into a frown.

Shouyou hid his smile behind his hands unthinkingly, and his bike collapsed onto the street. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he promised. He didn’t bother to move for his bicycle; Kageyama was already picking it up. “It’s not funny that you’re sad, it’s just funny how you said it, you know? You sounded so… so…” Shouyou made a muffled noise into his palms as he tried to keep from laughing. “I dunno, ridiculous!”

“Well, it’s irritating,” Kageyama replied. “I hate losing.”

Shouyou quieted at that. He didn’t exactly need the reminder that they had lost. It was devastating. He had been training for so long and so hard, and now all of that work had been thrown out the window. He frowned, looking down at his toes, while Kageyama pushed his bike for him.

“How are you feeling?” Kageyama asked after an unreasonable amount of silence passed between them.

Shouyou huffed out a sigh. He didn’t really want to talk about how he was feeling. He was sure that Kageyama would tell him he was wrong for feeling responsible, but Shouyou didn’t want to put in the work to feel good about himself. He wanted to be sad and cranky, not pull his insecurity out from under the rug. But he made a promise to Kageyama, and he figured he should follow through. “I mean… honestly, I feel like maybe it’s my fault that we lost. Like… maybe if I was more experienced, we would have won.”

Kageyama glared at him.

Shouyou put his hands up in surrender. “I know I’m not right! I know that’s not how it works, I just… I feel that way, I can’t help it,” he explained, his nose crinkling and eyes blinking all the while. His facial tics had been going crazy ever since they got off the bus.

Kageyama stopped shooting daggers at him, and instead looked at him appraisingly. “You can’t help it like how you can’t help your tics?” he asked.

Shouyou tried to feel flattered that Kageyama bothered asking, instead of embarrassed that he had tics in the first place. He hopped up on the curb, arms flapping by his side as he tried to balance. “Um… Well, it’s kind of hard to tell,” he answered. He tried focusing on tiptoeing along the curb rather than how fast his heart was racing. “Sometimes I don’t know if my anxiety is making me think things, or if there’s actually some truth to them? But I guess that’s the same with my tics and stuff. Because sometimes I don’t know if I’m blinking because I’m surprised or because I have the impulse to, or like… sometimes I don’t know if I’m scrunching my nose because I’m confused or because I have to. Its super complicated.”

Kageyama hopped on his bicycle. He pedaled slowly alongside Shouyou. “There’s no truth to you making us lose at preliminaries, dumbass,” he muttered.

Shouyou looked over at his friend, a smile sweeping over his face when he noticed Kagyeama’s dark expression. He giggled, arms flapping faster at his side. “You look like you’re dying. Does it hurt you to be nice or something?”

“Yes,” Kageyama said, scowl deepening.

Shouyou laughed, not stopping until they reached the corner where they usually parted ways. Kageyama jumped off his bike.

“Thanks,” Shouyou said as the setter passed him his bicycle. He bit his bottom lip. “Hey… You know, today’s probably not a good day for it because I’m so bummed out, and so are you, but would you maybe want to come over to my house sometime-“

“Yes,” Kageyama replied before he could finish. A blush coated his cheeks when he realized how fast he had answered. Shouyou arched an eyebrow at him as Kageyama went from flustered to cool in a matter of seconds. “Sorry, I mean, whatever. That could be fun, I guess,” he tacked on.

Shouyou snorted.

“Right. Okay. Well, maybe tomorrow then, huh?”

Kageyama looked up at him, his eyes sparkling in a way that Shouyou hadn’t seen before. “You can count on it,” he replied. He didn’t break the intimate eye contact between them, and it made Shouyou nervous. He only saw Kageyama get this intense when it was about volleyball.

“All right, see you later, weirdo,” Shouyou replied. He’d had enough of Kageyama’s disturbing behavior. He hopped on his bike and pedaled away, excited to have the other boy over, even if he was being strange.

Shouyou spoke through a massive bite of rice, his words hardly understandable. “Natsu, you should probably invite a friend over tomorrow. Kageyama’s coming, so you’re going to need somebody else here if you don’t want to play by yourself.”

His mother dropped her chopsticks.

“I’m sorry. Did you say Kageyama?” she asked. The smile on her face made Shouyou squirm, he was so uncomfortable.

“Um… yeah. I said he should come over, and he said yes, I dunno,” he replied with a shrug, staring down at his plate to avoid eye contact. His mother always got a little intense when he mentioned Kageyama’s name. She didn’t seem mad, of course. To the contrary, she seemed excited. Too excited.

“Interesting,” his mother practically cooed.

“Interesting!” Natsu copied, jumping up and down in her seat.

Shouyou watched his mother warily as she folded her hands under her chin, leaning in as if she was incredibly interested by what her son had to say. “Do I need to take off work early tomorrow? Is it safe to leave you two in the house alone together?” she asked.

Shouyou choked on his rice. “Excuse me?” he asked. Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach.

His mother stopped leering at him and instead leaned back in her chair. “No closing the door to your bedroom when Kageyama is over,” she ordered, ignoring Shouyou’s question. “In fact, make sure you both stay in the living room. I don’t trust you to be anywhere I can’t easily walk in on you,” she teased.

Realization hit Shouyou like one of Oikawa’s serves, straight to the face.

“Mom!” he squeaked, ducking down to hide his head under the table. He couldn’t let his mother look at him right now; he was blushing so hard. “Kageyama and I aren’t going to like… make out or something, why would you assume that? We’re just friends! Barely friends, at that. We’re still working on it!”

His voice was a little too shrill to come off as anything other than defensive. He sounded like he was lying, and acknowledging it only made his face feel twice as hot.

Natsu’s feet disappeared from under the table as she stood up on her chair. “Wait, Kageyama and Hinata are going to kiss?” she asked, excited.

Shouyou groaned and his mother laughed. “Not if I’m here to do anything about it,” she said. Shouyou could practically hear her smirk. He was approximately two seconds from throwing up on the floor.

Shouyou would have been content to stay hidden under the table forever, but his tics were making him jumpy, and he hit his head a few too many times for it to be safe. He put on his best glare as he sat up correctly in his seat. Unfortunately, his mom and sister only laughed at his pouty expression.

“Don’t worry, dear, we’re only teasing,” his mom promised, patting the back of his hand kindly. Shouyou felt flushed.

“You guys are actually the worst,” he grumbled, picking at his food.

Natsu giggled, bouncing back into her seat with a massive smile on her face. “You love us,” she corrected in a singsong voice. Shouyou looked up at her, taking in her messy hair –little wisps falling out of her braid- and giant round eyes. He huffed out a sigh.

“Unfortunately, you’re not wrong,” he complained. Shouyou might have sounded mad, but it was hard to miss the grin he wore as he finished up his meal.

Shouyou tensed when Tsukishima and Yamaguchi lined up for serving practice behind him. Normally, Shouyou avoided the other first years at all costs. He had already had enough frustrating conversations during the school day; he didn’t need to add onto that number by talking to Tsukki and his slightly more tolerable sidekick.

“Hey, so I heard Kageyama is going to your house after practice today,” Yamaguchi snickered.

Shouyou took it back: Yamaguchi wasn’t tolerable at all. He was just as bad as Tsukki, if not worse.

Yamaguchi was the eleventh person to ask Shouyou about his after school plans. He didn’t know how everyone found out about him and Kageyama spending the afternoon together, and he didn’t know why everyone thought it was their business when it wasn’t. “Why does everyone keep making such a big deal about it? We’re just hanging out,” he asked, arms flapping with frustration.

What he and Kageyama did after school wasn’t of anyone else’s concern.

Yamaguchi smiled knowingly, looking startlingly like Suga for a second. “Yeah, but are you hanging out, or are you hanging out?” he asked slyly.

Shouyou blinked twice at the other boy before smacking his forehead. He groaned. “We’re just hanging out! As friends!” he whined. “No one teases you and Tsukki when you guys hang out! No one bothers Nishinoya and Tanaka! This is so unfair.”

Yamaguchi shrugged, but he didn’t look sympathetic at all. Shouyou watched the other boy open his mouth to say something, but before he could, Tsukki nudged him in the side. “Shut up, Yamaguchi,” he demanded. “If he doesn’t see the difference between him and Kageyama and the rest of the team, then he doesn’t deserve to know.”

Shouyou ignored him and went to serve. As he threw the ball in the air, he overheard Tsukki whisper behind his hand.

“He’ll find out when Kageyama tries to shove his tongue down his throat,” he said quietly, albeit not quietly enough. Noise carried easily through the gym, and Shouyou was certain that just about everyone had overheard.

He forgot about the volleyball he had tossed up until it landed on his head. A blush quickly swept over his cheeks. He felt his tics rev up into high gear as embarrassment washed over him.

He reached for another volleyball from the cart to serve, but he found his arms were shaking too hard to throw it correctly, and his head was turning too much to see. He hated this; he hated having to put his life on hold to wait for his tics to die down.

“I’m just going to step out of line,” he said, defeated.

He all but slammed the ball into Tsukki’s chest as he passed it to him and moved off to the side. As he walked to the edge of the gym, he noticed Kageyama standing at the back of one of the lines to serve. He was stick straight with his eyes blown wider than usual. Shouyou tilted his head to the side. Was it just him, or did Kageyama look especially sweaty for someone who was only practicing serves?

“Hey, are you okay?” Shouyou asked. He was still twitching like crazy, but it was easier to ignore when he was focused on Kageyama. The other boy wasn’t paying attention to him at all, though. Instead, he was staring with his eyes fixed on the floor. “Hey, idiot, I’m talking to you!”

The insult seemed to lift Kageyama out of his daze. He looked up at Shouyou. “I’m not… I’m not… I’m…” Kageyama couldn’t put together a sentence. He seemed terrified. “My tongue…” As Kageyama trailed off, a scowl took over his face. He’d gone from scared to angry in less than a millisecond: a personal best.

Shouyou’s head tilted further to the side. He had a feeling he knew what Kageyama was trying to say, even if he couldn’t communicate it properly. He’d gotten better at reading his setter: half out of necessity and half out of prolonged exposure. “Hey, just ignore him. I invited you over because I like you and I wanted to. Just relax.”

“You like me?”

It’s only three words, but it’s an improvement from Kageyama’s prior attempts at speaking. “I mean… I think it’s okay for us to be friends instead of rivals now. We’re on the same team and we’ve been through a lot,” Shouyou replied. He backtracked quickly. “Unless you still hate me or something and are just really good at hiding it.”

Kageyama looked like he’d been kicked in the chest. “Hinata, I definitely don’t hate you,” he managed to choke out. He looked off to the side, clearly flustered, before his usual grumpy face slipped back into place. “But you are annoying.”

“You’re annoying. You freak out all of the time!”

“You’re the one with anxiety! You shouldn’t yell at me for getting worked up!”

Shouyou smiled impishly. “Ah, but I have an excuse. You go crazy for no reason,” he pointed out.

“Kageyama, it’s your turn to serve,” Ennoshita said, interjecting himself into their argument. Kageyama’s scowl deepened, and Shouyou laughed. Arguing with Kageyama always put him in an oddly good mood. He could feel his anxiety leaving his body in waves. A few high-pitched vocal tics were all that were left from his Tourette’s flair up; he was back to feeling relaxed.

The rest of practice passed by in a blur of receives and spikes. It was almost stupidly ordinary, except for one thing: Kageyama.

For the whole of practice, the setter stuck to Shouyou like glue. Every toss went to Shouyou, every glance went to Shouyou, every passing comment went to Shouyou. It was like the rest of the team ceased to exist to Kageyama. If Shouyou didn’t know any better, he would say that Kageyama was being clingy.

By the time they had left the clubroom and started walking home, Shouyou figured getting a little closer to Kageyama wouldn’t hurt. “Do you wanna share my bike?” he asked. “You can ride on the back.”

“That’s illegal, dumbass,” Kageyama replied.

“You’re illegal.”

“You don’t even make sense!”

“Yes, I do! Listen! It’s going to take us ages to get home if we walk; I live a half an hour away when I’m pedaling as fast as I can. We’re going to have to share,” Shouyou explained. Despite how stubborn Kageyama could be; Shouyou usually got his way. He was twice as determined as anyone else on the team.

True to form, Kageyama sighed and looked down at his shoes. “Fine,” he grumbled, crossing his arms in defeat. “But you’re too short for me to hold onto, so you have to ride on the back.”

A bright smile lit up Shouyou’s face. “Okay!” he agreed happily. He clambered up onto the back of the bicycle as soon as Kageyama had raised the seat and handle bars so he could fit properly.

“You’re bike is so small,” he complained as he pulled off the curb. Shouyou wrapped his arms a little more securely around Kageyama’s shoulders.

“I think it’s the perfect size,” he pouted, nose crinkling into Kageyama’s t-shirt. He tried to keep his head still. He didn’t want to knock heads with Kageyama while he was steering. If they swerved into a ditch and broke their legs, they wouldn’t be able to play volleyball.

Shouyou would die if he couldn’t play volleyball.

“You think it’s a good size because you are also really small,” Kageyama replied.

Shouyou crinkled his nose a few more times and blinked his eyes. He resisted the urge to smack Kageyama on the back of the head. “Idiot, you’re so annoying! Stop making fun of me for my height. If I could change it, I would!”

“It wasn’t an insult!” Kageyama snapped. They whipped around a corner, and Shouyou had to squeeze onto Kageyama to keep from flying off. He didn’t miss the small noise the other boy made in the back of his throat. “Being small isn’t always a bad thing.”

Shouyou scoffed. “Well, what would you know?”

“Plenty,” Kageyama said defensively. “Like… I don’t know. Some small things are cute. Not you, of course, but some are.”

Shouyou hummed thoughtfully at that. “Natsu is cute,” he replied. “She’s really small, though, so actually, if it’s cool with you, we have to swing by her school and pick her up from soccer. She isn’t big enough to walk home on her own.”

“Well then, of course we can pick her up, stupid,” Kageyama said. Shouyou didn’t have to see his face to know he was rolling his eyes. “I’m not going to make your tiny little sister walk home on her own; I’m not some kind of jerk!”

“Most people would beg to differ,” Shouyou pestered.

Kageyama jerked the handlebars, and Shouyou squealed when he nearly fell off the bicycle. “Serves you right,” Kageyama teased. Shouyou stuck his tongue out even though Kageyama couldn’t see him. It didn’t really matter. Fighting with Kageyama like this was comfortable, familiar. Shouyou found himself pulling himself closer and closer to the other boy as they bantered back and forth.

“You’re annoying. But I’m excited for you to meet Natsu,” Shouyou admitted.

Kageyama tilted his head to the side. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. She’s really cool. She’s going to love you, I promise.”

“I dunno about that,” Kageyama said, lifting one hand to scratch at the back of his neck. He seemed uncertain. Normally, Kageyama had all the confidence in the world, so it was always strange to see him shrink inwards on himself like this. Shouyou frowned and patted Kageyama’s head.

“Don’t be silly,” he said reassuringly. He wasn’t about to let Kageyama feel insecure for even a second. Yes, he made fun of Kageyama all of the time, but that didn’t mean he actually wanted the other boy to feel bad about himself. “She’s going to love you.”

“Right,” Kageyama replied, but Shouyou could tell he didn’t believe him.

He decided to let the matter go, however. It was clear that Kageyama didn’t want to talk about it, and Shouyou was having too much fun to talk about anything sad. The weather was beautiful, and cool air blew through his hair as they rode along. It was impossible not to be in a good mood. He could tell that Kageyama was perking up as they biked towards Natsu’s school. Shouyou gave him directions on where to turn as he talked about all the stores they passed, the people who worked inside them, and the stories he had about them from biking to school every morning.

By the time they reached Natsu, Shouyou’s throat was dry from talking too much. However, he still called out his little sister’s name when he spotted her running towards him. “Natsu!” he cheered. He swept the small girl up and spun her in a circle. “How was soccer?” he asked.

“Good! I scored a goal!”

“In the wrong team’s net!” argued a tiny voice from below. Natsu wiggled down from Shouyou’s arms.

“Nii-chan, this is Maiko!” Natsu explained. She nudged her friend forward. Maiko suddenly looked shy, but fortunately, Shouyou was great with nervous kids. He reached out to shake the little girl’s hand, treating her like a grownup. Maiko giggled.

“Of course, Maiko. The fellow squid believer, right?” he asked, and Maiko nodded excitedly. Shouyou smiled. “Perfect! Also, guess what! I brought a friend today, too. His name is Kageyama.” Shouyou turned back to properly introduce Kageyama to the two girls, but he was on the other side of the schoolyard, hiding by Shouyou’s bicycle. He looked nervous, if the way his eyes flickered between all of the other pint-sized soccer players was any indication. Shouyou sighed. “He’s shy, though. Let’s go meet him!”

“Okay!” Natsu and Maiko chorused. Shouyou lead them over to Kageyama.

“Alright! Girls, this is Kageyama-san. But you can call him Tobio,” he said with a smirk. He knew full well that Kageyama was too nervous to call him out on it.

“Right. Tobio,” Kageyama agreed, although his eyes narrowed at Shouyou.

“Tobio, did you know Shouyou complains about you all of the time?” Natsu asked. Shouyou winced. He forgot that his little sister didn’t have a filter.

Fortunately, Kageyama didn’t seem too surprised or hurt. “That’s fine, I complain about him, too,” he deadpanned. Shouyou squeezed Natsu’s wrist and gave her a look to tell her to keep quiet. Fortunately, she seemed to get the message.

“Let’s just head home,” Shouyou advised, leading the way. The walk from the elementary school to Shouyou’s house was a fast one. They lived only a few doors down. Shouyou was embarrassed by the jump rope left out in the front yard and the peeling paint around the trim of their front door, but everything else about their house was in good condition. His mother worked a lot, but she did so in order to keep a nice, tidy home. Shouyou was grateful each and every day he saw her drive off to her job.

“This is a nice house,” Kageyama said, walking the bike up to the garage. Shouyou scratched at the back of his neck.

“Thanks,” he replied, unlocking the door so everyone could head inside. Natsu and Maiko rushed upstairs immediately to play, leaving Kageyama and Shouyou alone.

Suddenly, Shouyou remembered everything everyone at practice had to say about their plans. His face felt hot. He didn’t want to make out with Kageyama. He certainly hoped that’s not what the other boy expected them to do; Shouyou just wanted to hang out as friends. He wasn’t ready for… kissing. Especially not with someone as irritating as Kageyama.

“Um… so what do we do now?” Shouyou asked, rubbing his cheeks like he could get rid of his blush.

Kageyama shrugged. “I dunno.”

Shouyou tried not to groan. Vague answers were the worst. If anything, now Shouyou had fewer ideas for what to do than before. He ran a hand through his hair. “Want to watch the Olympic qualifiers for volleyball? The United States are playing Italy today.”

Kageyama shrugged again. “Sure, I guess.”

“Okay,” Shouyou replied awkwardly. He shuffled into the living room –feeling weirder than usual- and hooked up the television to stream the game from his computer. When he turned around, Kageyama was nestled into the corner of the couch. The arm of the sofa looked like it was uncomfortably digging into the other boy’s side, and he had situated the pillows to keep Hinata from sitting anywhere near him.

Shouyou sat normally on the opposite side of the couch, kicking his feet a little bit. They went from snuggling the whole bike ride here to sitting as far away as humanly possible.

Shouyou didn’t know what happened, but it was weird. Like… really weird. Everything with Kageyama had been so weird lately. Shouyou was starting to regret ever asking him over.

The game was interesting, but Shouyou was overly conscious of just how far away they were sitting. What would be more awkward: his mom walking in on them sitting miles apart or his mom walking in on them sitting right next to each other? Because either way, it implied all the wrong things, and Shouyou was sweating just thinking about it.

They weren’t even talking for crying out loud. Usually, Shouyou yelled at the TV and criticized the players, but every word seemed to die in his throat when he tried to open his mouth.

The silence started to make him anxious. Shouyou frowned when his head whipped to the side for the twelfth time in a row and his nose scrunched over and over. Why was Kageyama even here? Shouyou was so unattractive with his tics; Tourette’s was so ugly. This was never supposed to be a date, but for some reason, the fact that it wasn’t made him upset.

Vocal tics soon joined his motor ones, and he winced when he started making hiccupping noises. The high-pitched sound traveled through the house, and Natsu knowingly came downstairs a few minutes after they started.

“Hey, Nii-chan! Wanna play cards with Maiko with me? Let’s turn the TV off!” she suggested, knowing full well what kinds of activities Shouyou was supposed to do when his Tourette’s got the best of him like this.

Shouyou looked to Kageyama hopefully. He wasn’t surprised to find Kageyama already staring at him. “Would that be okay?” he asked. The game wasn’t over, but Shouyou didn’t care about either of the teams very much. He squeaked a few more times. “It’s supposed to be good for me to do quiet activities in a stress free environment.”

“Then yes,” Kageyama agreed, getting up to turn off the game before Shouyou could even move.

Natsu and Maiko pulled the coffee table closer to the couch so Shouyou wouldn’t have to lean forward or get up to play. Kageyama moved to go back to his original spot on the couch but Maiko took his seat before he could. Shouyou patted the cushion next to him, and Kageyama sat down slowly while Natsu passed out cards.

“Let’s play Crazy Eights, okay?” she said, giving everyone eight cards. She sat herself on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. “Also, Shou-chan likes blankets. Tobio, help him,” she demanded before flinging a throw blanket at Kageyama with a surprising amount of force for someone so small.

Maiko snorted when Kageyama flinched. “At least you caught it,” she said. Shouyou blinked at her a few times. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Natsu hanging out with someone so sassy.

Kageyama held up the blanket. “What do I do with this?” he asked, his cards still lying face down on the table.

Natsu arched an eyebrow at him. “Put it on him,” she said, pointing at Shouyou. Kageyama arched an eyebrow right back at her. Natsu glared at him and pointed again, this time more forcibly. Kageyama’s eyes widened in surprise –maybe even in fear- and if Shouyou wasn’t so embarrassed, he would have laughed.

Kageyama moved to place the blanket on Shouyou’s lap, but Natsu tsked disapprovingly. Kageyama winced and lifted the blanket a bit higher, holding it out as if to wrap it around Shouyou’s shoulders. His hands hovered in midair as he looked to Natsu for approval. After a nod from the younger girl, he carefully wrapped Shouyou up in the fluffy purple fabric.

“You don’t have to look so grumpy about it,” Shouyou said, acknowledging Kageyama’s frown.

“I don’t look grumpy,” Kageyama snapped. Shouyou and Maiko both rolled their eyes.

“You’re a great big frownie face,” Maiko replied, pulling her mouth into a big, exaggerated frown and crossing her eyes. Kageyama crossed his arms angrily over his chest, and Shouyou laughed. He wrapped the blanket a little more tightly around himself, feeling his tics settle. Sometimes being in a small, warm space helped Shouyou relax.

Natsu clapped her hands to get all of them to focus. “I’m starting!” she said, flipping over a card from the pile in the middle. She sat up on her knees excitedly when she read the card: a queen of hearts. “I have tons of hearts!” she yelped, excited. She picked up her hand clumsily. Shouyou laughed as she struggled to hold her deck, showing off all of her cards accidentally.

Eventually, Natsu managed to pick out an eight of hearts without dropping everything. Maiko took her turn, and Kageyama smirked when he managed to match Maiko’s seven of hearts with a seven of spades.

“Ugh, you’re that kind of player,” Shouyou groaned, putting down a two of spades.

Kageyama frowned at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, organizing his hand so Shouyou couldn’t see.

“You’re the kind of guy who has to match things by number instead of shape and shake things up,” Shouyou replied, smiling behind his hand. The house was quiet as they played cards, and the lights were dim as the sun started to lower. It was calming to not be so over stimulated. He was much more comfortable hanging out with Kageyama like this.

“Nii-chan, you sound better,” Natsu commented as she put down an ace.

Kageyama shifted beside him. “She’s right, you’re not squeaking anymore,” he noted. Normally, when people said things like that to Shouyou, it came off as degrading. However, Kageyama only sounded concerned.

Shouyou tried not to feel too touched.

“Yeah,” he agreed, not sure what to say on the matter. “I dunno, it’s good when things are quiet and easy.” Kageyama had told him to tell him how he was feeling. He didn’t know if that included talking about how certain things made him feel, but he figured educating other people about what was good for his Tourette’s couldn’t ever be a bad thing. Life was easier for Shouyou when the people around him were informed.

“Cards, and puzzles, and board games are good!” Natsu added on. “Video games and TV and homework are bad.”

Shouyou flushed. “Natsu knows the list pretty well at this point,” he said, starting to feel awkward again for some reason. However, whatever anxiety he had melted away when Kageyama spoke up.

“I’ll know it, too,” he promised. He turned to Natsu, leaning in towards her. “What else helps?” he asked.

Natsu brightened and immediately launched into a long list of things she knew to be helpful for her brother. “Oh, lots of things!” she said, “like petting cats, and playing with dogs, and going on walks when it’s quiet outside, like during the evening or the morning, and sometimes riding his bike, and reading books, and coloring…” The list went on and on.

Shouyou was surprised. Not even he kept track of the things that helped him to calm down. The fact that Natsu paid attention to him so well and knew so many ways to make him relax was difficult to believe. But here she was listing them off, while Kageyama listened intently.

Shouyou eventually had to cut in. “Okay, that’s enough, I don’t think Kageyama’s going to remember all of this,” he said.

“Oh, I will,” Kageyama said, puffing out his chest haughtily, and Shouyou smacked him on the back of the head.

“You can’t even remember your times tables,” he joked. He giggled when Kageyama rubbed the spot Shouyou hit him. He looked stricken for all of two seconds before going right back to looking annoyed.

Kageyama’s eyes narrowed at him. “And you yell at me for being mean.”

“Eh-hem.” Maiko cleared her throat to get everyone’s attention. She dropped an eight onto the discard pile in the center of the table. “Read it and weep, boys. I’m switching this thing to diamonds.”

Kageyama groaned and started picking up cards to find a diamond. “You guys both look exactly the same when you’re acting smug,” Kageyama said, gesturing between Natsu and Shouyou. Shouyou locked eyes with his younger sibling, and their smiles wavered before they broke into laughter. Kageyama’s frown only deepened as he kept picking up cards to the sound of their giggles.

All too soon, the game was over and it was time for Kageyama to go home. His father would be stopping by Shouyou’s house any minute to pick up his son. Shouyou walked him outside while Maiko ran around the house, screaming about her Crazy Eights victory.

“I can’t believe we lost to a six-year-old,” Shouyou laughed.

Kageyama snorted. “Yeah, we’re idiots.” There was a long pause where neither Kageyama nor Shouyou said anything, both standing outside in the chilly spring air without their jackets on. Shouyou opened his mouth to say something, but Kageyama beat him to it. “I promised I would tell you how I feel, so… so just so you know, I had a nice time at your house. It wasn’t… completely awful.”

Shouyou grinned. “So it was just sort of awful?” he asked, although he knew fully well what Kageyama meant.

He laughed at the other boy scrambled for words. “No, I mean… It wasn’t… I mean…” Kageyama looked up when he noticed Shouyou was laughing. “You’re just making fun of me,” he realized.

“Maybe just a little bit,” Shouyou admitted. He scratched the back of his neck. “But I promised to tell you how I feel, too, and… and I liked having you over. You’re welcome back any time,” he promised.

Headlights fell on them as Kageyama’s father drove up the street. Kageyama winced. “That’s my ride,” he said. Shouyou nodded. Kageyama made his way towards his car, but he stopped and turned around halfway through Shouyou’s yard. “Maybe we can hang out again this weekend?” he asked hopefully.

Shouyou smiled. “We can definitely do that,” he promised.

Kageyama didn’t smile back, but he looked happy by his own weird, angry standards. “Cool,” he said nodding. Shouyou watched as he climbed into his father’s car and drove away. Shouyou stayed outside until the little Toyota disappeared from view.

(Wednesday at 9:42am) From: Kenma Kozume
So we’re not facing each other at Nationals
At least not this season.

(Wednesday at 9:47) From: Hinata Shouyou
You guys lost?! D:
That is so sad ):

(Wednesday at 9:48) From: Kenma Kozume
Yeah, but it’s no big deal. At least not for me, I don’t really care about winning.
I heard you guys lost to Aoba Johsai.
You holding up okay?

(Wednesday at 9:50) From: Hinata Shouyou
I mean… Yes?
But also no.
Like, I know that it’s not my fault, I know that. This whole season I feel like all we talked about was how to be a team, you know?
But also everyone else at Karasuno is practically a genius.
And then there’s me.
You know?

(Wednesday at 9:51) From: Kenma Kozume
No, I don’t know.
Shouyou, you have a ridiculous amount of athleticism in your stupidly small body.

(Wednesday at 9:52) From: Hinata Shouyou
I guess it is sort of stupidly small, isn’t it.

(Wednesday at 9:52) From: Kenma Kozume
No, that’s not the part you were supposed to take away from that.
Listen, you’re great, Hinata, you know that.
You know your jump is crazy and your reflexes are ridiculous
At the very least, you know that you have the most determination out of everyone on the team.

(Wednesday at 9:53) From: Hinata Shouyou
I mean… MAYBE I know that
But it still doesn’t FEEL like it

(Wednesday at 9:56) From: Kenma Kozume
Fair enough.

(Wednesday at 9:59) From: Hinata Shouyou
Sorry, I’ve been a stick in the mud lately.

(Wednesday at 10:01) From: Kenma Kozume
Dude, don’t be sorry. After everything I’ve put on you, it’s about time I got to reassure you for a change ;)

It takes about a week, but eventually everyone stops pestering Shouyou about having Kageyama over. Had the questioning gone on any longer, Shouyou wouldn’t have hesitated to rip out everyone’s throats. Even if it had been a date, like everyone was implying, then they were ruining them ever having another one because dealing with everyone’s questions was so annoying.

Shouyou was tired of feeling worked up about it, though. Instead, he focused on cramming down his morning bento before school started. He crammed a piece of tamagoyaki into his mouth, whole.

“I don’t know whether to be disgusted or impressed by how much you can force into your mouth at once,” Tanaka said, nose wrinkled so much that his eyebrows wrinkled with it.

“Be impressed,” Shouyou said, still chewing. He hopped a few times in his seat. Unfortunately, he tried to swallow at the same time, and Tanaka had to smack him on the back when he started choking.

“Hinata are you dying?” Nishinoya called out from the other side of the courtyard. He was sitting with Kageyama. Lately, Noya had been putting a lot of effort into making sure Kageyama didn’t sneak off to sit on his own anymore. It seemed to be good for him. Its not like Shouyou was the authority on reading Kageyama, but he did seem happier when Noya was sitting with him than why he was by himself.

“Yes,” he croaked, and Tanaka whacked him one more time for good measure. Shouyou turned to glare at him, but before he could be angry, Tanaka offered him a sip of his water.

“Who’s a good senpai?” he asked, while Shouyou took a long sip.

“You’re a good senpai,” Shouyou promised. Tanaka laughed heartily.

“Say it again!”

“You’re a good senpai! Thank you so much for taking care of me,” Shouyou said very seriously, making Tanaka laugh loudly all over again. He always got overly excited when the first years recognized his seniority. As long as he continued to treat him well, Shouyou was happy to indulge him.

“Quit saying that kind of crap, it’s going to go to his head,” Noya complained, dragging Kageyama by the arm to sit closer to Tanaka and Shouyou. Kageyama didn’t look happy to be pulled over, but he wasn’t exactly kicking and screaming, either.

Tears shone in Tanaka’s eyes. “Why can’t you just be happy for me, Yuu,” he asked. Nishinoya stomped on his foot before taking a seat next to him.

“Because you’re being crazy today. Take a deep breath, you’re going to scare your kouhai.”

Shouyou snickered, while Kageyama sat down next to him. “Trade you my apple slices for your steamed asparagus,” he offered.

Apparently, it was Shouyou’s turn to tear up. “Yes. Yes, thank you. I always knew you loved me,” he said dramatically, happily holding out his bento box so Kageyama could steal his vegetables. He hated asparagus. Kageyama knew he would much rather eat apples –Shouyou complained to him about the lunches his mom packed him every day- so it was kind of him to remember and offer to trade.

Kageyama fumbled as he tried to take the asparagus and accidentally dropped it on the ground. He sighed. “I don’t think you know what the word ‘love’ means,” Kageyama said. He seemed distressed, but he passed Shouyou his apple slices anyway.

“We’ll share,” Shouyou said before Kageyama could pass him his entire apple. He made sure they both had the same number of slices.

“It’s good to see you two working like a team,” Nishinoya said, interrupting their moment. He spontaneously stood up. “We’ve been looking really great lately. As long as we get our grades up, there’s no way we’ll lose another tournament,” he said excitedly.

Shouyou flushed. “Ah, yeah… Sorry about the last one, by the way. I’m working really hard to do better next time.” Maybe their loss at preliminaries wasn’t entirely Shouyou’s fault, but it felt like it was.

Nishinoya karate chopped him in the ribs. “Oi, I won’t be having that,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. Noya could go from all smiles to moody and pouty in a half a second. “I get enough of that garbage from Asahi. You can’t blame yourself when we lose as a team.”

“Right,” Shouyou replied, blinking his eyes harshly. He winced as he suddenly felt the urge to shout.

“Ah!”

Shit. His vocal tics were flaring up.

He bit his bottom lip as he tried to hold back another shout, but he inevitably failed. After about fifteen seconds of trying to keep quiet and listen to Tanaka and Nishinoya talk about how ugly some of the kids from other teams were, Shouyou inevitably let out another yelp. Soon after, a half dozen squeaking noises hit him all at once, like hiccups.

His knees hopped up and down, but all of his tics melted away when without warning Kageyama wrapped him up in his jacket. “Sorry, I don’t have a blanket,” the setter mumbled, turning back to his karaage.

Shouyou’s eyes widened much like they did when Natsu wrapped him up. His fingers gripped at the soft inner lining of Kageyama’s coat. It was just the same as his, except for much larger. He felt like a little kid playing dress up in Kageyama’s giant jacket, but it was still warm from Kageyama’s body heat, and being enveloped like this was relieving for his anxiety. He didn’t move to take it off.

“Class starts soon,” Kageyama said. “You should hurry and eat. Moving around as much as you do burns calories.”

Shouyou shook himself out of his daze and looked down at his half finished bento. He quickly stuffed the rest of his rice and omelet into his mouth. All too soon, he had to pack away his lunch and head to class. As he sat in his seat, one of his classmates –Kiku- approached his desk.

“Shouyou, is there a reason you’re wearing two jackets?” she asked. Her voice was quiet to keep from drawing attention from their classmates. Shouyou looked down and turned eight shades of red when he realized he was still wearing Kageyama’s jacket.

“Oh. No, thanks for reminding me,” he replied and quickly shrugged off the jacket. He tossed it at the back of Kageyama’s head, not feeling at all sorry when the other boy jumped in surprise. He stuck his tongue out when the setter glared at him. Next time Kageyama lent him his jacket, he had better remind him to take it off.

Shouyou groaned as his body convulsed again with another series of tics, jammed one after another. He’d been lying in bed for hours now. It was at least midnight, two hours past his bedtime. He should be sleeping, but despite having a low-key day, he couldn’t seem to quell his anxiety and his heart was beating too hard for him to fall asleep.

Not to mention, his shot nerves made his Tourette’s worse than usual. Every tic was amplified. Each time one part of his body moved, six other parts moved with it, so Shouyou’s head fell off his pillow and his blankets slid off his bed. By the time he resituated himself, his tics would act up all over again.

It was exhausting.

Shouyou already had long days. His heart rate was almost constantly increased either due to nerves or exercise. By the time he got home and muddled through his homework, he was asleep on his feet.

Shouyou rolled over in bed and stared at his desk. A mountain of books loomed over him. If he wanted to go to Tokyo with the rest of the team, he’d have to study through all of his textbooks. He wasn’t sure how he was going to pull his low test scores up to a passing grade. Everything was just too stressful.

Shouyou screamed, and he didn’t think it was a vocal tic.

Tiny feet pounded down the hallway outside his room. Natsu poked her head into his room. “Nii-chan, you’re too noisy!” she chastised before slamming the door on him.

Shouyou groaned and buried his head under a pillow until his facial tics made him feel too stifled. He kicked at his sheets. Maybe if he closed his eyes and counted sheep, he would fall asleep.

(It didn’t take long for Shouyou to realize that counting sheep was boring, and if he fell asleep counting volleyballs slamming into the Grand King’s face, then that was no one’s business but his own.)

Not getting any sleep the night before proved to be detrimental to Shouyou’s school day.

Class had been the worst. He could not sit still or be quiet at all. His teacher had learned to cope with his Tourette’s interrupting her teaching by this point, but she still had to ask him to leave the classroom three times so the other kids could focus properly.

Shouyou felt terrible for being so distracting. The guilt didn’t help his anxiety any, but his tics weren’t coming from a place of nervousness today. Not getting enough sleep had put a lot of stress on his body, and it was messing him up. He tried taking a power nap during his lunch break, but he slept too long to finish his meal, so now he was hungry, and tired, and anxious, and –apparently- he also sucked at volleyball.

“Hinata!” Daichi called as a spike flew his way.

Shouyou blinked up at it, his instincts not making him move the way they should. He was too tired to move without serious thought. Halfheartedly, he stretched his arms out to receive the ball. It landed short, however, and Shouyou hardly blinked as it hit the floor in front of him.

He missed it.

He didn’t even care that he missed it.

Of course, he missed it. Despite putting his every waking hour into volleyball, he was still awful at it. He had so much to improve on before he could take any kind of ownership over his sport. He shouldn’t be surprised when he missed a receive; it was only natural for someone as untalented as him.

“Don’t mind, don’t mind,” Asahi called out, as if sensing his anxiety. But Shouyou did mind. He wiped away a tear with the back of his hand. He wasn’t about to let himself freak out in the middle of practice again, he had to focus if he was going to get better.

A few more points, and a few more missed receives racked up on Shouyou’s shoulders. Kageyama’s eyes kept flickering towards Shouyou as he set ball after ball, but Shouyou never called for the toss. He was too exhausted. Plus, it was hard to spike when his knees were jumping for the wrong reasons and his head wouldn’t stop shaking to the side.

“Hinata!”

Another serve landed by Shouyou’s feet. He hadn’t even seen the ball coming, he was too busy blinking and flapping his arms. Tears welled up in his throat. “Damn it,” he croaked.

He hadn’t thought his tics were being fueled by anxiety, but listening to the missed ball bounce away from him made Shouyou feel like something was trying to claw his chest open. He choked a little bit, panic expanding from his core out into the tips of his fingers and toes.

“Damn it,” he repeated when he realized everyone was looking at him. He dipped his head low so no one could see the tears dripping from his cheeks. His hands twirled at his hair for a second before giving up, threading between the strands, and pulling.

Shouyou hardly felt it as one hand ripped out a fistful of hair. He just knotted his hands right back into his fringe.

“Hey, Hinata…” Tanaka said, crossing the court under the net and walking towards him. He was the first person to move. Shouyou hated how his mental breakdowns made everyone freeze; he hated how everyone else had to deal with his problems. He flinched away when Tanaka reached out to put a hand on his elbow. “Dude, come on, it’s okay. I’m your senpai, yeah? I’m supposed to help my kouhai.”

“Tanaka, now is probably not a good time,” Suga said, ducking under the net to join them. “Hinata, how about we go outside, yeah? Does that sound okay?”

“No.”

“Well, you can’t stay here,” Suga replied gently. “Everyone else is trying to play a game.”

Right. They were in the middle of a scrimmage. Shouyou played in scrimmages with the team nearly every day; he should be used to the attacks his teammates had to offer. But he couldn’t even receive a serve from Yamaguchi, who he was used to playing with all of the time.

He hid his face behind his elbows –hands still fisted in his hair- and peeked up at Suga between his arms. Guilt crashed down on him. Suga was a way better player than he was. If Shouyou had gotten out of the way and let him play during their last game –regardless of whether or not they played different positions- maybe they would have won. Maybe Suga wouldn’t have to wonder whether or not he would ever see nationals.

“Hinata?” Suga asked.

Shouyou sniffled and ducked his head back down. He choked as he tried and failed to hold back sobs. He pulled at his hair again and accidentally ripped out another fistful.

“Hinata,” Suga repeated, putting a caring hand on his shoulder. Shouyou flinched away from the touch much more violently than when Tanaka tried to reach out for him. His whole body turned with the movement, and without meaning to, Shouyou ended up stumbling towards the exit. He ran out of the gym as fast as his legs would carry him.

“Hinata? Hinata, wait up!”

The sound of sneakers pounding on pavement followed Hinata, but he wasn’t inclined to slow down and wait for anyone. He was too ashamed to look anyone in the eye. His heart was pounding in his throat; he was so nervous. He knew logically that no one as mad at him, but he felt like everyone should be, and for that reason, he kept running without looking back.

He managed to hide himself in one of the school’s stairwells for all of three minutes before Suga found him.

“Oi, there you are,” Suga said, his expression kind and welcoming. He stood holding the door open, and Kageyama slipped into the stairwell after him. Shouyou hadn’t realized he’d been listening to two sets of sneakers chase after him.

Shouyou hid his face in his knees. He didn’t want Kageyama seeing him like this. He was humiliated. For some reason, he was still trying to put up a good front when he was around Kageyama, and he didn’t want the other boy to look at him when he was messy and crying.

“You know what, Kageyama, why don’t you take care of this, huh? I don’t think the team can manage without both of their setters,” Shouyou heard Suga say. He looked up from his knees just in time to see Kageyama’s face fall.

“Just me?”

“Just you,” Suga replied, patting him on the back. He leaned in to whisper something in Kageyama’s ear, but Shouyou couldn’t make out the words. He gave up trying and instead kicked himself closer to the wall.

“Fine,” Kageyama muttered, his hands clenching into fists. Suga patted him on the back and left, while Kageyama stood completely still, frowning. Shouyou bit his lip as the door closed behind Suga. Now what?

Kageyama looked down at the floor and kicked at the tile. He didn’t look like he was about to say anything any time soon. Shouyou occupied himself with crying into his knees and incessantly twirling his hair into knots around his index finger. High pitched vocal tics escaped from his throat every couple seconds, and he had to sit back away from his knees every now and then to accommodate his more complex facial tics.

Eventually, Kageyama spoke up. “I’m going to need some direction here,” he said bitterly. “All the websites say you’re supposed to ask what panicking people need, I can’t just… I can’t just magically know. Not like Suga, anyway.”

He sounded mad: the same kind of mad he was when he was having difficulty with a particular serve or toss. The kind of mad where he obviously wanted to be better at something he was terrible at, he just didn’t know how to get there.

Shouyou sort of wanted to know how Kageyama could ever feel like he was bad at anything. He was better than Shouyou at literally everything.

“I dunno,” Shouyou said, voice stuffy from the snot and tears. His knees were slick from crying into them. “You can leave?” Kageyama didn’t seem like he wanted to be here at all, at least not without Suga.

Kageyama looked up at him. “Do you want me to leave?”

Shouyou made another squeaking noise. “No, just… You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” he offered.

Kageyama stared at him for a couple breaths, and Shouyou shrunk under his gaze. He realized belatedly that he was shaking. Every part of his body was trembling, and Shouyou was humiliated that Kageyama had to witness him shaking like a leaf. A sob ripped through his body.

The noise seemed to spur Kageyama into action. Within an instant, the setter was by his side, unknotting Shouyou’s fingers from his hair and trying to talk him down.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I want to stay, I do. I just… This is hard, okay?” Kageyama’s voice shook. “But I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you alone, not when you’re crying.”

Shouyou had never heard Kageyama talk so quickly. “Sorry,” he replied. He felt bad for getting Kageyama so worked up. He didn’t mean to stress him out.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do, is all. You know? I don’t have a blanket, or even a jacket, and Natsu had that long list of things to do, but it’s not like I bring puzzles or bored games to school, and it’s quiet in here, which is supposed to be good, so I don’t know why you’re crying or how to make you stop,” Kageyama explained much too quickly. He winced when Shouyou looked up at him. “Sorry, this is me saying how I’m feeling, I think. It just usually doesn’t come out this fast.”

“Nothing you ever say comes out this fast,” Shouyou said with a weak smile. He had to speak through clacking teeth. Normally, he wasn’t such a mess; not getting a good night’s sleep had really taken a toll on him.

Kageyama looked absolutely crestfallen. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Shouyou replied. He reached out and gripped onto Kageyama’s sweaty t-shirt. “Just come here.”

He pulled Kageyama down next to him so their bodies were flush, side to side. Kageyama seemed stunned for a moment, but –surprisingly- his arms wrapped around Shouyou’s shoulders without any kind of guidance. Shouyou leaned into him and tucked his head under Kageyama’s chin. “You okay?” Kageayama asked, voice tight.

Shouyou closed his eyes and breathed in deep. “No.” He opened his eyes back up, his vision fixating on Kageyama’s collarbone. “But I’m better.”

Kageyama hummed, seemingly satisfied with that. Shouyou didn’t know how he could sound so relieved when Shouyou was crying on the floor with him in an empty stairwell. His breath was still coming out in quick bursts.

Kageyama cleared his throat. “You sound like you’re dying.”

Shouyou huffed out a laugh that quickly turned into more panicked hyperventilating. “No, no, I’m just… Oh my god, Kageyama, there is so much to do, I have no idea when I’m going to fit it all in,” he explained. He reached up a hand to tangle back into his hair. Meanwhile, his other set of fingers knotted up into Kageyama’s t-shirt. “I have no idea how I’m going to pass any of my classes with my current grades, and I need to study, but I also have to make dinner, and take care of Natsu, and help my mom around the house, and play volleyball. Like, I have to get better at volleyball, I can’t keep letting the team down, not when they’ve been so supportive and understanding all this time. I really-“

“Hey,” Kageyama said, cutting him off. Shouyou paused and took a moment to acknowledge his ear pressed against Kageyama’s chest. The other boy was breathing a little too quickly, too. “You haven’t let anyone down. And there’s only 24 hours in a day, Hinata. If you can’t fit it all in, then you can’t fit it all in. That’s just what it is.”

“But what do I skip out on, then?” Shouyou asked. “Because I can’t miss out on sleep. If I miss out on sleep, then days like today happen.”

“Well then definitely sleep whenever you want, dumbass,” Kageyama said definitively, leaving no room for argument. He gently loosened Hinata’s hold on his hair again, pulling his fingers away carefully so he didn’t pull out any more hair. “You can probably skip some of the practice you do outside of, you know, actual practice. I think working so hard for so long wears you out. And I think your mom would understand if you said you needed to cut back on chores. And maybe we could make a study group for class. Yachi said she would help, remember?”

Shouyou made a strangled noise. “Yeah,” he agreed. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear –he wanted a way to fit it all in, not cut some of it out- but regardless, Shouyou felt his anxiety starting to dissipate. Ever since Kageyama had started hugging him, his tics had been practically nonexistent. If he could just stop crying, he would be ready to head back to the gym.

Kageyama pulled away from him. “Hey, maybe you should go home early today. I think you need a nap.”

“But I-“

“I’ll bike you home,” Kageyama offered. “You can hold onto my shoulders and like… close your eyes if you want.”

“But then you’ll be stuck in like… the middle of the mountains,” Shouyou pointed out. He liked the sound of having someone else pedal him home –he was exhausted- but he didn’t want to be an inconvenience. Plus, he could really use the volleyball practice if they were going to win the next tournament.

“I’ll run home to make up the lost practice time,” Kageyama replied. When Shouyou didn’t look sold, Kageyama huffed out a sigh. “Listen, I know you. And I know you wanna get back to the gym and work yourself to the point of exhaustion. But you’re already there. You need to rest, otherwise you’re going to collapse or freak out again, and that would be stupid. Don’t be stupid. Let me take you home, I offered and everything.”

Kageyama sounded exasperated, but it was exactly what Shouyou needed. He smiled feebly. “Okay,” he agreed, pulling his hand back sheepishly when he realized he was still clinging onto Kageyama’s t-shirt. He brushed his messy hair out of his eyes. Shouyou frowned. “Did I pull too much hair out?”

“Any hair is too much hair, stupid,” Kageyama frowned, “But no, just a couple strands.” When Shouyou still looked upset, Kageyama sighed. “You look good, okay? Don’t worry.”

Shouyou’s eyes widened in surprise as Kageyama stood up. He let the other boy help him up when Kageyama extended his hand. He didn’t let go of it as they snuck back to the clubroom and left without telling goodbye to anybody. “Who are you texting?” Shouyou asked as they walked out to his bicycle.

“Daichi. Just to say that you’re okay.”

“Okay,” Shouyou agreed.

Kageyama unlocked his bike chain –he had known the combination for a while now- and once again raised the seat and the handle bars so it wouldn’t be too short. “Ready to go?” he asked.

Shouyou nodded and climbed onto the back, his short arms struggling to wrap around Kageyama’s shoulders.

When his dad was still around, he used to tell Shouyou that he’d become a man the first day he had a girl cling onto him while he drove her home on his bike. He wondered if it worked the same way if he was the one clinging, instead of the other way around.

“Hey, Hinata, you look much better!”

“Dude, you look way more rested. It’s good to see you got some sleep!”

“Don’t stay up too late, Hinata, we missed you in practice!”

Shouyou’s cheeks burned as the team greeted him the next morning, but he wasn’t upset. Yes, it was embarrassing to continually have mental health issues in front of the same group of people. However, having such an encouraging group of people around him was worth embarrassing himself with a panic attack or two each month. Besides, everyone in the gym was fully informed about his neurological disorder. They understood, even if they didn’t fully get it.

“You doing okay, Hinata?” Asahi asked while they did their morning stretches, Daichi yelling out the initial counts. Shouyou nodded.

“Yeah, I was just… really tired.”

“No need to explain. I totally understand. Once, I started crying at McDonalds with Nishinoya because they forgot to give me extra ketchup for my French fries, and it was like… too overwhelming to go ask them for more,” he explained. “I thought it was about the ketchup but, really, it was like… me just being super sleepy, I guess.”

“Asahi is a crybaby when he’s tired,” Nishinoya threw in with a wink. Shouyou snorted as Nishinoya widened his straddle to make his foot line up with Asahi’s.

“I am not!”

“You are. But it’s okay,” Nishinoya promised. “I’m great at handling a crying Asahi. It’s my calling in life.”

Shouyou laughed as he leaned further into his stretch. He wondered if one day he would have someone who felt capable when he was crying. Without thinking his eyes flickered onto Kageyama across the room.

Somehow, it was looking more and more like a possibility.

Shouyou groaned when his phone started ringing. He was just starting to understand his math homework; this was a terrible time for someone to call and distract him.

He forced himself to perk up as he answered his phone. “Moshi-moshi,” he chirped, sitting up a bit straighter in his desk.

“H-Hinata?”

“Kenma?” Shouyou answered, surprised. Kenma absolutely never called, not when a simple text would suffice. He had never said as much, but phone calls terrified Kenma if the way he avoided them at all costs was anything to go by. Shouyou stood up and closed his bedroom door, just in case. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Kenma was as quiet and awkward sounding as ever, but his words were panicked. “I just needed an excuse.”

“An excuse for what?” Shouyou asked, climbing up on his bed. He cradled the phone close to his ear.

“To get away.” Over the line, Hinata could hear the sound of a crowd fall away as Kenma presumably moved away from it. A door slammed closed, and the sound of a lock followed soon after. “Kuroo invited me over. But then he invited, like, forty other people over, too, and so now his living room is filled with strangers, and my mom and dad won’t be done work for another thirty minutes to come pick me up.”

“Oh,” Shouyou replied, understanding. He got more comfortable on his bed, letting his head hang off the edge. He kicked his feet up on the wall. “Where are you now?”

“In a closet.”

“In a closet?!”

Kenma sighed into the receiver. “Well, yeah. It’s the only empty place in the house, and I don’t… want to be around people.”

“That’s fair,” Shouyou agreed easily. He wasn’t about to tell Kenma he was wrong for feeling frightened. He knew just how uncomfortable being around other people made Kenma, and he also knew what it felt like to be irrationally anxious over something small. A house party to Kenma probably felt missing an easy receive to Shouyou. “What are you doing?”

“Just sitting.” There was a rustling noise. “Now I’m hiding under some coats.”

“I don’t think anyone’s going to come looking for you. You probably don’t need to hide that much.”

“You don’t know Kuroo.”

A grin curled up Shouyou’s face. “No, I guess I don’t.” He looked up at his ceiling, trying to think of something to talk about. It seemed like Kenma was desperate for a distraction. Talking about the people surrounding him would only make him more anxious; the best Shouyou could do was get him thinking about something else. “So I was thinking about your radioactive bread theory. I think there’s some major holes in your story.”

“Hinata, you suck for bringing that up right now,” Kenma replied, but Shouyou could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn’t actually angry. Instead, he sounded… almost relieved.

“No, listen. I’ve seriously been thinking: if we’re not supposed to eat it because it’s radioactive, then why does it need infinite slices?” he asked, happy to put Kenma on the spot like this.

“Just because it’s radioactive, it doesn’t mean you’re not supposed to eat it.”

“You literally named it ‘Don’t Eat.’ That makes it sound like you’re not supposed to eat it,” Shouyou pointed out.

Kenma made a dissatisfied noise. “Well, maybe… maybe it’s radioactive properties cause superpowers, like in all the comic books. And for awhile, people were constantly eating it’s slices of bread to get all the hero stuff. But with great power comes great responsibility, and not everyone had that, so the original people on earth initially wiped themselves out by using their powers for evil. And the bread knows that, so it tells people not to eat it with it’s name: Taberuna.”

Shouyou hummed appreciatively, but immediately shot Kenma down. “Nice story, but it still doesn’t make sense. Someone else had to name the bread, and if the original humans died off, no one would be alive to know how dangerous it can be. The squid is the only way.”

Kenma scoffed. “Well tell me this: what evolutionary benefit is there to the squid breathing lava?”

Shouyou rolled his eyes. “The squid didn’t evolve. The squid has always been. And it always will be.”

Kenma laughed over the line, and Shouyou perked up with pride. It was rare that he ever got a real laugh from Kenma. He usually was so devoid of emotion, the best Shouyou could get was a half smile. To hear him laugh –especially when he was so stressed and surrounded by people- was some kind of victory. “Shouyou, you’re ridiculous.”

Shouyou’s smile faltered a bit. “Yeah, well, I’m not the one hiding in a closet.” Kenma made an unhappy noise. Shouyou could picture him nestling further under his coats, holding the phone to his ear. “Maybe we could talk to Kuroo together sometime. Like after practice camp? You guys don’t have much time left together before he goes to college, I’m sure he’d want to spend some more one on one time with you.”

Kenma took a minute to respond. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Shouyou asked. “Because I would be totally down to help you. We’ll do it together, so you can hide behind me if you need to.”

“Shouyou… You’re great. Thank you.”

“No problem!” Shouyou replied happily, sitting up and feeling the blood rush out of his head. He put a hand on the wall to steady himself. “Oh man, I just flipped right-side up and now I have a head rush.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to be grateful,” Kenma replied. “Seriously, you’re really good at, like… helping me deal with problems.”

Shouyou smiled softly, thinking back to the way Suga, Asahi, Daichi, and even Kageyama took care of him. “Yeah, well… I learned from the best,” he admitted. He threw himself into his desk chair and spun himself around a couple times. “Want me to stay on the phone until your parents pick you up? I don’t mind being your excuse for a half an hour or so.”

Shouyou could practically hear Kenma’s smile through the phone. “That would be great.”

The next time Kageyama comes over to his house, it’s much less awkward. They’re sprawled out on the couch, textbooks and homework spread out between them in an attempt to do well on their exams. Shouyou felt like he hadn’t done anything but study in weeks, even though he was still going to volleyball and taking care of Natsu every day.

Kageyama looked just as burnt out as he did. Maybe it was the exhaustion, but the other boy didn’t seem as concerned about how much space stayed between them today. Every time Kageyama leaned forward to flip one of his notebook pages, his leg brushed Shouyou’s. He kept getting closer and closer until eventually their legs were just touching without either of them having to move.

It was weirdly soothing.

Shouyou didn’t like thinking about just how soothing it was.

Every time he managed to read a page of his textbook, he would realize that he’d managed to get through it all without his head jerking to the side or his eyes blinking too long. He never lost his spot.

It was so surprising to make it through a page, that Shouyou would inevitably lose his focus and tic a few times in a row, but if he got used to this –if he got used to Kageyama’s leg touching his- then he was sure he could spend hours in this very spot without ever moving.

The only thing that ever made him feel this kind of calm was volleyball. Except for in volleyball, he was still in constant motion. Right now he was completely and totally still.

“Hey, did you do number seven yet?” Shouyou asked, scratching behind his ear with a pencil.

Kageyama looked up at him, a highlighter between his teeth. “What?” Kageyama asked, pulling out one of his ear buds. Shouyou sat up and leaned over, closing Kageyama’s textbooks for him.

“I can’t do math anymore. Will you quiz me on English? I made some flashcards yesterday.” He didn’t really have time for a break but he could at least switch subjects. Hopefully, it would keep him from distracting himself.

“Sure,” Kageyama agreed. Shouyou wasn’t surprised. He was realizing more and more that Kageyama would do just about anything he asked him to do, and then some. Whether it was a couple more tosses long after the sun went down or a few dozen flashcards when Kageyama needed to study for math, he would help.

They managed to go through all of Shouyou’s flashcards twice by the time his mom came home. “Oh, Kageyama! You’re still here! I thought your dad would have picked you up by now,” his mom said, carrying groceries through the door. Kageyama immediately stood up to help her.

“I guess it has gotten late,” he replied. He looked a little frazzled as he took bags from Shouyou’s mom. “I can text my dad to pick me up right away.”

“Nonsense, stay for dinner! You and Shou-chan looked like you were getting some good studying done,” she said. “Plus, anyone who helps bring in the groceries is more than welcome to reap the benefits.” She sent a pointed look to Shouyou who scrambled off the couch to get more bags from the car. He was halfway out the door when he heard Kageyama’s response.

“I would love to stay for dinner, thank you very much for the invitation.”

“No problem. Anything for one of Shou-chan’s friends!”

A smile lit up Shouyou’s face despite the embarrassing nickname. For some reason, Kageyama getting along with his mom made him feel warm all the way down to his toes. He had even helped her with the groceries. It felt important, even if it was something small, and Shouyou didn’t stop smiling about it until long after Kageyama went home that night.

“Make up your mind, dumbass, ramen or yakisoba?” Kageyama asked, half dragging Shouyou down the road. He knew the other boy was hungry, but he really didn’t have to be so harsh.

Shouyou stopped walking. He effectively glued his feet to the ground, refusing to move just to be ornery. “I don’t know! That’s such a stupid decision, they’re both noodles!” he complained while Kageyama pulled demandingly on his arm.

He loved arguing with Kageyama, but it did get his blood boiling. Whenever Shouyou felt temperamental, his tics seemed to increase. Anything that got his heart beating even slightly faster usually made his Tourette’s worse, even when it was something that made him feel good. Being overexcited and over stimulated was just as bad as feeling anxious or pressured.

Shouyou’s eyes blinked hard and his nose crinkled as Kageyama’s fingers squeezed onto his. “Just choose so I can eat something,” he demanded, giving his hand another tug while Shouyou’s arms flapped angrily at his sides.

“I can’t choose if you don’t let me think!” he complained, his head shaking a few times. He knew he must look ridiculous, but it wasn’t as embarrassing to tic walking around town as it was to tic in school. He didn’t have to see the people he ran into on the street again; at least not like how he had to see the same kids at school everyday.

However, at least everyone at school knew why he was ticking. Strangers had no idea why his facial movements were so unnatural or why he moved his arms and legs so much. Plus, the anonymity that came with not knowing someone’s name or story made it easier for other people to tease him more openly.

So when some boys across the street started making fun of him –pulling the same faces and moving their arms the same way- Shouyou wasn’t surprised. (He was used to this. It came with the territory.)

But Kageyama was.

“Hey,” Shouyou said, noticing Kageyama’s expression darkening. “Don’t freak out. They don’t know.” Kageyama didn’t say anything, just continued glaring at the boys across the street. They looked young, like maybe they were in elementary school still, and they hadn’t noticed Kageyama’s staring yet. They just kept flapping their arms and making silly faces. “I know you don’t think not knowing and stuff is an excuse, but they’re young kids, Kageyama, don’t do anything stupid.”

Kageyama shook their hands loose and marched across the street. Shouyou looked on in horror for a moment before scrambling to keep up with him. He had a hand on Kageyama’s arm, ready to pull him away, before Kageyama spoke.

“Were you guys making fun of my friend, here?” he asked, his voice accusing but not as… scary as Shouyou thought it would be. He pulled his hand away from Kageayama a bit, letting it hover over the other boy’s skin, just in case.

Despite being less terrifying than usual, Kageyama was still pretty menacing. One of the kids looked like he was about to burst into tears. “We’re sorry. We’re sorry, we didn’t mean to. We’re really sorry,” he apologized, while his three friends looked away sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” Kageyama replied. Shouyou blanched. He’d never known Kageyama to forgive anyone, at least not that easily. “But do you know why he moves like that? Because I think it’s important that you know.”

“Um… no,” said the smallest kid, looking up at Kageyama with big round eyes.

“Right. Well, my friend –Hinata- has something called Tourette’s. And it’s a problem with his brain that makes him make funny faces and move his arms and legs differently than you and I do.” When the kids looked confused, Kageyama continued. “You know how you guys can chose to raise your arms up and down?” he asked, demonstrating. The kids mirrored him unthinkingly. Kageyama dropped his arms. “Hinata can’t. His arms go up and down all by themselves.”

The kids’ eyes widened in understanding, and they whispered between each other. Shouyou blushed and looked down at his toes.

“That’s why it’s mean to make fun of how some people move or make faces,” Kageyama explained. “Because sometimes they can’t help it.”

“Okay… Sorry.”

“Yeah, sorry!”

“Really sorry!”

The kids each apologized before one of the taller boys grabbed two of his friends by the arm and ran off, making the little group follow him. Shouyou watched them go, astonished. “You… you didn’t yell,” he said, amazed. He could hardly believe what he just saw.

Kageyama shrugged. “You told me not to,” he said, like Shouyou could forget something like that. “Now ramen or yakisoba? Pick now because my stomach is literally eating itself.”

“Ramen,” Shouyou answered instantly. After being so great, Kageyama deserved to eat quickly, and there was a ramen shop right around the corner. He obligatorily walked alongside the other boy; although, whatever appetite he had was long forgotten.

He was so overwhelmed by how calmly Kageyama had handled the situation, he almost missed the way their hands fell back together.

“We’re 135 to 134. We need another competition,” Kageyama declared. “I can’t stand being in second place anymore.”

Shouyou smirked up at him from his spot lying in the grass. “You know, when there’s only two people playing, there’s not really a second place. There’s just winning and losing,” he pointed out haughtily. Kageyama ripped out a handful of grass and dropped it on Shouyou’s face.

“You’re annoying.”

“You’re worse.”

“If I’m actually worse, does that mean I win at being the worst?” Kageyama asked, falling back to lie beside Shouyou. “Because in that case, we’re tied.”

“Well, then, now we really need a competition,” Shouyou replied. He searched his brain for possible contests. He’d already finished his bento, but racing to finish lunch wasn’t fun anymore anyway. They could try to beat each other back to the classroom, but they’d done that at least a thousand times already.

Kageyama grunted beside him. “So I promised to tell you how I feel-“

“You know, you don’t have to say that every time you want to admit that you’re feeling something. You could just say it: your emotions. I know you have them, you can just say them,” Shouyou said, earning himself another face full of grass. He sputtered when he accidentally breathed in a few blades.

“As I was saying… I honestly feel like I’m okay with being tied. With you.”

“Excuse me?”

Kageyama made a flustered noise. “Well, I don’t know. We work well as a team, and we’re not really supposed to be in competition with each other anymore. We’re supposed to be working together,” he pointed out.

Shouyou frowned. He wasn’t wrong. And honestly, all of their usual contests had run stale. There wasn’t anything else Shouyou wanted to beat Kageyama at; at least, not when it came to things like being first to practice in the morning or tying their shoes the most effectively. If anything, it was a constant pressure that Shouyou didn’t need. Maybe getting rid of their rivalry for good would be helpful for his Tourette’s. “Can I still try and beat you at Mario Kart?”

“Video games don’t count,” Kageyama promised. “And neither do card games, or board games, or like… any of the stuff that’s good for your Tourette’s.”

Shouyou nodded. “Okay… Okay, then tied.”

“Tied?”

“Yeah,” Shouyou agreed. “For good.”

Daichi groaned as they made their eighth lap around the school grounds. “I’m the captain. I made this conditioning program. Why did I think we needed to run for so long? Endurance hardly matters in volleyball,” he complained.

Asahi patted Daichi’s shoulder consolingly. “You say that now, but wait until we’re in the third set against Aoba Johsai, and you literally feel like death warmed over,” he said. Daichi’s face crumbled like he was about to collapse into tears.

“You guys are so depressing, I could run all day,” Nishinoya said, jumping up as he ran to prove it. Shouyou followed him with a leap of his own.

“Yeah, all day!” Shouyou agreed. His energy was higher than usual. His anxiety seemed to be lower lately. With all the studying he’d been putting in, school was easier. And with Kageyama to keep him on track, he was able to get to bed earlier and fit more into his day. It was much faster to study when Kageyama’s leg or arm brushed against his and his tics stilled for a while. He got much more done when he didn’t have to read the same sentence eighteen times in a row.

“Hinata, shouldn’t you be running way in front of all of us?” Daichi asked as he started to fall behind Asahi. Karasuno’s ace smirked as –once again- he was leading the team. Instead of Hinata and Kageyama sprinting ahead, Asahi had been finishing his laps first recently. “Normally you and Kageyama are both sprinting in front of everyone.”

Shouyou shrugged. “Yeah, we’re not like… into that anymore. It’s better to save our energy for working on our quick. I’m kind of hoping to maybe sort out another one soon.”

“Not into… beating each other?” Nishinoya asked, blinking like the concept didn’t make any sense. Even Asahi fell back, running slower than usual to listen to what Hinata had to say.

“Yeah. We’re just calling it all a tie. There’s less pressure that way,” he explained.

Asahi nodded thoughtfully. “I couldn’t imagine being in constant competition. Every time Nishinoya challenges me, I just let him win to save myself the effort.”

Nishinoya blinked up at him. “Asahi, I change my mind. Ryuu is a hero. You are a jerk.”

“What’s this about me being a hero?” Tanaka asked, literally sprinting from the back of the line of runners at the sound of his name to fall in step with Nishinoya. Nishinoya smacked him on the back.

“You’re just the best. You don’t let me win. Our competitions are always real.”

Tanaka immediately got pumped up, pounding his chest a couple times. “Oh, I’ll show you competition. Race you to the finish,” he said, before pulling ahead of Nishinoya. He went from jogging to running like his life depended on it in half a second. Nishinoya let out a battle cry before running after him, leaving Asahi, Daichi, and Shouyou in the dust.

Asahi wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. It was like even watching Nishinoya and Tanaka tired him out. “See? Stressful.”

The practice matches at Tokyo were… an experience for Shouyou.

He comes out of the last set frustrated. He wants more. He and Kageyama have reached a point where they’re better than the level they’re playing at. Or at least, Kageyama is better. He is nowhere near close to reaching his potential, and it makes Shouyou so angry. He doesn’t want to be the person holding Kageyama back. He wants to fight with him, and he wants to win.

But –per usual- Kageyama is cautious. He has always been worried about Shouyou, and while he really appreciates how much Kageyama cares, it’s absolutely stifling. He can do a new quick. With practice, he can do more than this one oddball spike, he’s sure of it. If Kageyama would just listen, if he would just hear him when he says he can do it, then maybe they’d have a shot at going to nationals this season.

Shouyou was stomping around the parking lot –grumpy and refusing to get back in the car with Kageyama and Saeko until he absolutely had to- when he bumped into someone’s broad chest. “Well, look who we have here,” a voice practically purred in his ear.

Shouyou jumped back, but he might as well have thrown himself at a wall. Another body had blocked him off from behind, and Shouyou realized that he was squared in on all four sides. “Um… hello,” he said weakly, a shiver running up his spine. He was pretty sure he recognized the tall figures surrounding him as benchwarmers from the Shinzen High team, but he didn’t see their captain among them.

Shouyou’s heart started beating in his throat, and his cheeks felt warm as his tics ramped up in intensity. He fidgeted in every way his body knew how, his eyes flickering between the boys looming over him. This didn’t seem like a friendly meet up between volleyball players.

Suddenly, Shouyou realized how far he had walked away from Saeko’s car.

“Well, if no one else wants to say hi, I think I’ll just be going,” Shouyou said, trying to slip between bodies. A strong arm caught him before he could, roughly shoving him backwards.

The other boys all seemed to move at once, closing the circle more tightly around him. It was somehow fitting that a team known for synchronized attacks also moved together off of the court. “So tell us,” said a boy with dark eyes and a wide jaw. “How is it that a freak like you can pull off such a fast quick?”

Shouyou squeaked and scratched at the back of his neck. “Oh, um… It’s not that fast. I mean… Your Eikichi managed to touch one of them. It’s nothing special.” Normally, Shouyou wasn’t one to downplay what little ability he had, but now didn’t seem like the time to brag.

The tallest of his attackers smiled, some sort of threat hidden in his grin. “It’s funny how you can do something so incredible, when your head spins like a washing machine,” he mused. He clamped one meaty hand around Shouyou’s scalp, squeezing tight. Shouyou started to panic when he went to turn his head, but found he couldn’t move it at all, not when another boy grabbed his shoulders.

“You don’t understand,” he said, starting to hyperventilate. “I have to move my head, I have to… I have to…” Shouyou’s pupils dilated as his head itched to turn but couldn’t. He couldn’t focus. Every nerve burned to turn his head, but the hands on him made it impossible.

“Maybe you should be on Fukurodani’s team, huh?” the boy holding his head asked. Tears sprung into Shouyou’s eyes. “Your neck turns all the way around like an owl.”

A few of the boys snickered, but Shouyou couldn’t hear them. He was so focused on fighting the grip on him, that he couldn’t pay attention to his other senses. All he could think about was turning his head. “Please… Please…” he whimpered. Why didn’t they get it? It was a compulsion. He needed to do it; this was killing him. It hurt.

“Alright, kid, we’ll let you go.”

Shouyou made a gasping noise as the fingers loosened their grip on his head. As he twisted his neck to the side –fast enough to give himself whiplash, he needed to shake his head so badly- a fist collided with his cheek.

Where hands had been holding him still before, they disappeared to let Shouyou fall to the ground. He ended up sprawled on the concrete, tics firing off rapidly to make up for being kept still. He realized somewhere in the back of his brain that he was lying between two cars. If anyone from his team came looking for him, he doubted they would find him out here.

“Kick the shrimp while he’s down,” a voice said above him, and Shouyou wanted to throw up.

“Takeo, you’re terrifying,” someone else replied. Shouyou felt the toe of a sneaker slam into his side a few moments later.

Shit.

Volleyball players weren’t exactly known for their leg strength, but the kick to the ribs certainly hurt a lot more than the punch did. He blinked his eyes over and over; he barely managed to focus on the leg rising to kick him again, his head was turning so often. He tensed up, ready for the blow to come, but it never did.

“And what the fuck is happening here?” a familiar voice asked. Shouyou tried to see through his flashing vision.

“None of your business,” one of his assailants replied, and Shouyou whimpered, closing his eyes for good and letting his head fall against the pavement. He was too absorbed and exhausted by his tics to keep up with the conversation. He felt like he was having a seizure, he was moving so rapidly and in so many places.

“Like fuck it isn’t my business.”

Kageyama.

Shouyou picked himself off the ground the slightest bit, leaning back on his twitching elbows. “Kageyama… It’s okay, don’t…” He could tell Kageyama was about to lose it. The setter had one of the Shinzen boys by the collar, their noses almost touching. Kageyama glared down at him for a minute before turning back to the boy who had kicked Shouyou.

“Under no circumstance are you allowed to touch him,” he said, an edge to his voice that Shouyou had never heard before. “Not ever. Unless you want to talk with me.” Kageyama’s hands tightened to fists at his side so forcefully, his knuckles cracked.

Shouyou sat up a little further. “Kageyama, you’re being crazy,” he said, voice wavering. There were so many terrifying people surrounding him, even if most of the Shinzen boys had backed up since Kageyama had arrived.

“Shouyou, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Shut up,” Kageyama replied flippantly. He sounded mad. Like… genuinely mad. Shouyou wasn’t used to Kageyama yelling at him when it wasn’t just goofy complaining or meaningless teasing. It felt like it was his first week at Karasuno all over again, back when Kageyama used to yell at him just for breathing too loudly.

“Kag-“

“Shut up,” Kageyama repeated, breaking eye contact with his bully to glare at him. His harsh gaze was only on Shouyou for a second before he was back to sneering at the boy whose shirt he had clenched in his hand. Somehow, Kageyama’s face got even closer to the other kid’s. “I am never going to see you anywhere near him again,” he said, voice hard as iron and sharp as steel. Kageyama literally threw the other boy away from him. “Get the fuck out of here.”

Each of the Shinzen boys looked hesitant to walk away, pride wounded, but Kageyama was a force to be reckoned with, especially when he was mad. All four slinked off after Kageyama refused to back down from their upset glares.

Shouyou, meanwhile, picked himself up off the ground. His whole body was shaking as adrenaline coursed through his system. He hunched over, holding his stomach. His ribs hurt, and he felt like he might throw up. The side of his face ached, and his whole body was sore from being forced to suppress his tics.

He just wanted to go home.

“You didn’t have to be such a freak about it,” he mumbled as he calmed himself down. He wasn’t actually angry with Kageyama for losing his temper, but acting like he was felt easier than actually dealing with what just happened.

Kageyama visibly bristled. “You know what, Hinata? I don’t think you have any clue what I do and don’t have to do to take care of you,” he seethed. Shouyou stepped back a little. He knew Kageyama was angry with him, but he hadn’t realized he was this furious. Now wasn’t a good time to be pressing his buttons.

“Maybe let’s just forget all this and find Saeko,” Shouyou said, biting his lip. He reached out to grab Kageyama’s wrist –hoping to pull him to the car- but the other boy shook him off, his head bent so Shouyou couldn’t see his eyes.

“You have no idea,” he repeated. His shoulders were shaking almost as badly as Shouyou’s. “It’s so… It’s so difficult looking after you.”

Shouyou blinked before his face screwed up. The way Kageyama was talking made it sound like he blamed Shouyou for the bullying, like he was angry with Shouyou for burdening him. But Shouyou wasn’t about to stand for that. “Well, maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult, if you would just calm down,” he replied, thinking back to how reluctant Kageyama was to let him try anything new. “You’re so overprotective! Why can’t you just loosen up?!”

“What, and let strangers beat the living shit out of you?” Kageyama asked. “Because you actually are a dumbass if you think I’m about to let that happen.”

“Stopping someone from hurting me doesn’t mean losing your temper! You have to control your anger, idiot!”

Kageyama slammed his fist into one of the cars they were standing next to. He didn’t look at all bothered when the car’s alarm started going off. “This is me controlling my anger!” Kageyama yelled. He turned to face him, eyes wild. “If you don’t like the way I help you, then fine. Fuck this. Ride home with Saeko without me, but I can’t be with you anymore!”

Kageyama kicked the car’s tire before storming away and Shouyou watched him go, still hunched over as nausea swelled through his stomach.

Be with you?