Chapter Text
'winter woes'
Merlin had a bad feeling about this patrol.
He’d taken to accompanying Arthur and his Knights on one of their usual patrols along the forest, but how they were expecting to find any bandits or traffickers among the harsh cold of winter and the white coating that covered basically everything around them, Merlin didn’t know.
He supposed it was part of Arthur’s usual instances of aggravating stubbornness.
However, there was still this feeling in his bones, a full body shiver he couldn’t shake, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t just because of the cold.
The weather, this frigid temperature that threatened to freeze his blood in place, was bothering Merlin more than he could explain. It made moving hard, and breathing a heavy chore. His limbs had begun shaking slightly, and not even his Magic could push away the constant chill.
“Merls, are you okay?” Gwaine approached him.
“Yes, yes. I’m fine, Gwaine” Merlin gave him a hopingly reassuring smile. “It’s just the cold.”
“If you want you can take my cloak. Wrap it around yourself, might warm you up a bit”, his friend suggested.
Merlin shook his head. “It’s alright, really. Don’t worry, Gwaine. A bit more walking and I’ll warm up by myself.”
“A bit more walking in this cold and your bits will fall off.” Gwaine joked, although there was some truth to it.
However, before Merlin could interject, they were interrupted by the king “Do not bother, Gwaine. Merlin is as stubborn as they come” He pointed ahead “Besides, it seems we have had a stroke of luck. There’s a cave up ahead. Men! We will be setting shelter there for the night. Maybe a fire will help Merlin heat up his frail bones.”
Arthur was right, Merlin could see standing out amongst the white scenery a hollow intrusion in the rock formations ahead of them. His funny feeling was becoming more pronounced as they made their way into the cavern and set up for a fire in the dry rock. Merlin’s sense of dread was acting up. This would not be fun.
After making dinner for the knights and himself, Merlin listened to his friends talking as he collected their bowls and pots to clean.
“Man, this sure beats being out there in the snow” Gwaine commented, heating up his hands by the fire.
“There were strange reports coming from this area, Gwaine. Someone had to come investigate” Leon remarked.
“Sucks it has to be us, hugh, Princess?” Gwaine smirked at this king, who rolled his eyes at the nickname.
“Surely now, I deserve a promotion to, at least, Queen, Sir Gwaine?'' It was rare to see Arthur play along with Gwiaine’s shenanigans, which only served to highlight the king’s current sunny mood, despite the weather outside.
“Nah, Princess suits you better, I think…”
They continued on for a couple more exchanges as Elyan and Percival encouraged them on the side.
The group’s morale seemed to be in quite high spirits, but Merlin couldn’t help the icy anxiety bubbling inside him.
Suddenly, Merlin’s head whipped around, from one side to the other as he heard a voice.
No, it wasn’t so much a voice as it was a cry. A loud and shrill baby’s cry.
Merlin tried to locate where it came from, but it seemed the sound was echoing in the walls of the cave and coming at him from all sides.
'Waaaanhhh…'
“Merlin, what are you doing? You look like an idiot. More than usual” Arthur quipped, helpfully.
“You don’t hear it?” Merlin didn’t think to question why he was the only one who’d noticed the baby’s cries before the words left his mouth.
“Hear what, Merlin? All I hear is the sound of your headless shuffling around.”
Arthur and the knights stretched their hearing but none of them could hear anything while Merlin felt light there was a baby screaming at his ear. He covered his ears with his hands in reflex at a particularly high-pitched cry. It had to be magic, somehow.
It seemed Elyan had reached the same conclusion, seeing Merlin’s apparent distress. “Do you think it could be magic, sire?”
“Magic? No, Merlin must be hearing things. Like those funny feelings he has all the time. Nonsense his mind made up.” Arthur tried to deny. The others seemed not-fully convinced.
“No, there’s a baby. It’s crying” Merlin couldn’t keep his mouth shut today, it seemed.
While Arthur and the knights kept discussing the merits of Merlin’s insanity, the warlock moved around to inspect the cave.
“Merlin says it’s a baby’s cry. Babies can’t have Magic. No one is born with such evil in their hearts” , he heard while he searched for clues, flinching slightly at the implications.
There .
On the far side of the wall, there was a fissure in the wall, like a door, wide enough for a man to fit in comfortably but hidden from sight by the irregular way the walls bent around it.
Merlin did not bother to announce his leaving. His feeling was getting stronger. There was something pulling him in that direction. It was definitely Magic.
* * *
What he saw on the other side of the cavern, however, made Merlin gasp.
It was a lake. A body of water so clear he could see the bottom despite it being tens of metres deep down, and so mesmerising it seemed to be shimmering in the low light of the cave. Wait. It was shimmering. It was Magic .
Merlin was frozen in awe. In a way, it reminded him of the Lake of Avalon or the Crystal Cave all in one, but that didn’t seem to be a fair comparison…
“Waaanhhh!” Merlin’s head whipped to his right. Immediately, he spotted the white bundle of limbs laying on an elevated rock by the side of the lake. It must be the baby he heard. The one who’s cries had led Merlin to it.
For a moment, Merlin wondered what kind of Magic was involved here. What had brought him here. But he didn’t have to wonder for long, as he approached the baby.
The child was young, very young. It wasn’t exactly a newborn, but it was barely a toddler, Merlin was sure of that. He doubted a baby that small could do more than crawl around and babble. ‘How did you get here?’, he thought to himself.
The baby was also very much naked, all white skin contrasting against the dark rock she laid on. Besides the baby’s gender, maybe also noticed the strange colour of her eyes and hair. The latter was short on her infant head, but as pure a white as the snow outside or the rays of sunlight. And a beautifully translucent shade of blue looked back at him, and her cries immediately quietened, turning into happy shrills with grabby hands wanting to be picked up.
Merlin unwrapped his neckerchief in order to oblige the baby’s request, but as her little hands grabbed his, he was put to a sudden stop.
A gasp felt his unwilling throat and every feeling he’d had on his way here concentrated in a single point in his mind.
“ Aithusa? ”
The baby beamed back at Merlin with her two-toothed smile, as if to confirm his suspicions.
Still in his stupor, Merlin gathered the tiny bundle of human limbs in his neckerchief and held her tight against his chest. “How?”
Merlin could feel their bond, already formed in his mind months ago when he hatched her from her egg, be reshaped, brought to the surface, heightened . He could feel what Aithusa was feeling, what the human baby in front of him was feeling - safe, protected, joyful, warm in his arms. Happy to be with him again. Merin could definitely say the feeling was mutual.
Despite the strangeness of the situation, he couldn’t help the silly smile that made its way onto his face. He closed his eyes for a second, appreciating the moment. A reunion he thought he’d never have (at least not so soon, not like this).
For a moment the cool winter chill of earlier evaporated, but Merlin was too distracted to notice the temporary change.
Aithusa’s big round eyes looked on to the lake with an understanding no normal toddler would have and Merlin knew what had happened. The Lake’s magical properties had given his dragon-daughter her new form, probably.
He supposed she was just his ‘daughter’ now. Because she sure as hell didn’t look like a dragon anymore. Just a human baby, a normal human baby . Who was Merlin's.
Oh Goddess. How was going to explain this to Arthur?
As Merlin contemplated the undoubtedly long interrogation awaiting him, Aithusa was busy enjoying her new form. Hands grabby and touchy, wanting to reach everything and looking around in wondrous curiosity.
Then, her eyes flashed gold and the lights shimmering over the lake flew to form a small swarm of butterflies, which proceeded to fly around Merlin and his daughter as her giggles filled the cave air.
In contrast, Merlin felt the air in his lungs leave him. It was to be expected that Aithusa - a dragon, a creature of Magic - would be able to use Magic from birth. But to see it, reminded Merlin that babies could not control their powers, which would escape their bodies at the smallest itch or fancy.
Merlin himself had been like that, much to his mother’s horror.
The chill in his bones was back in full force.
Suddenly, Merlin knew the despair his mother must have felt when he first performed magic as a baby.
Being a child, a baby with uncontrollable Magic during the Purge was a death sentence. And being the king’s manservant’s daughter was an even surer one way of being found in record time.
“No one is born with such evil in their hearts”, he’d heard one of his friends say earlier.
They were all born after or educated under the Purge. Uther’s hatred and fear spread throughout the populace in the form of blatant lies and fabrications.
Merlin could not let any of them find out Aithusa had Magic. They were already suspicious of their situation because of Merlin’s big mouth. He was not going to put his daughter at risk of being executed. Or drowned, as was the norm with druid and otherwise magical children.
No .
He refused.
Merlin was going to keep Aithusa safe. He’d keep her abilities secret. He had plenty of experience of his own.
(Merlin didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Arthur found out she was a Dragon. He couldn’t bare think about that possibility. One thing at a time.)
Merlin pressed Aithusa a little closer to his chest and walked out.
* * *
Kilgharrah had been the one in charge of Aithusa’s safety. Why he’d left her all alone, Merlin didn’t know.
Then, as if reading his mind, Merlin felt the not-dragon’s magic reach out to him, images coming into his mind much like the druids were inclined to do with words.
Merlin saw this vision from Aithusa’s perspective, she was with Kilgharrah, sleeping in a place nearby. He felt Aithusa’s longing. How lonely she was, as the last of her kind. Alone and abandoned. No friends, no family, only a bitter old dragon for company and mentorship. The small dragon’s lonesome woes ached in Merlin’s heart, even through the lens of the memory.
She had wished to be with him, her dragonlord, her egg-father. She wanted the care and love only her bond with Merlin could offer, so she ran off from the Great Dragon and into the Cave. The Magic of the Lake must have felt her wishes too, as when she drank from its waters and slept on its shores, she was turned human and Merlin was called upon to find her.
The memory ended, and Merlin felt something wet run down his cheeks. He was crying for her, the daughter he’d abandoned and who’s heartbroken sorrows left him speechless and in tears.
The warlock had missed her, too. More than he let himself acknowledge. He still remembered how amazing it had felt when he called her from her egg. When he called on Aithusa for the first time, Merlin had felt an immediate bond with her, maybe because of his dragonlord powers, maybe not. What is true is that he’d never felt a connection like that before. He wanted to take care of her and protect her, make sure she was free and happy…
But, he’d let his fear for her safety - for his secret - win out, and had left her all alone.
In that moment, Merlin swore to himself and to her that he’d never leave her alone again. She wasn’t safe with him, but she wasn’t well without him either.
They’d just have to endure the dangers together .
* * *
Merlin walked out of the ‘doorway’ he'd gone through earlier and was greeted by Arthur’s whining.
"Ah, Merlin. There you are. We were starting to think you had gotten lost somehow and-''
The king noticed the bundle in Merlin's arms. He went quiet for a second before asking, confused. "Merlin, what's that?"
“A baby” He answered, shuffling with his feet.
“A baby?” Arthur sounded incredulous. “And where did you get a baby, Merlin?”
“I’m going to feel sorry for Gwen if you don’t know the answer to that, Arthur.”
Despite the shaking that had taken over his limbs, the warlock couldn’t help using the opportunity to mock his friend, maybe in a hope the lighter tone of the conversation would distract him from the situation at hand, or maybe distract himself from his terror In response, Arthur made a few indignant sounds and stuttered in his words.
“Merlin!” He finally exclaimed, as his knights chuckled behind him.
Merlin couldn’t help the wave of anxiety coming over him, a weight in his limbs as he shifted Aithusa’s weight in his arms for her better confort.
“She- She was in the back of the cave, alone. There was this lake…” Merlin shook his head, the details didn’t matter in the end, the less they knew the better. “This is Aithusa”, he announced instead.
He couldn’t tell them she was his daughter yet - he didn’t know how to explain without revealing everything he could not reveal about the both of them.
The knights had already made their way to Merlin, and were surrounding him, wanting to take a look at the girl in his arms.
“Woah.”, he heard one of them say.
“Holy shit”, Elyan whispered.
“How-” The Knights wanted answers; curiosity and confusion at Aithusa’s presence had won their attention.
Thankfully, Aithusa started squirming in Merlin’s arms. She wasn’t used to this much attention, in the body and mind of a human babe, she became easily overwhelmed by the knight's interrogation of her father.
“Maybe we should sit. The warmth of the fire might do her good.”, Leon suggested.
The baby’s fussiness is what ended up saving Merlin from answering his friends’ questions at the moment. Merlin let out a sigh of relief as he sat down near the fire.
Once again, Merlin took a moment to really look at Aithusa. She’d fallen asleep in his arms.
She felt so fragile .
Before, as a dragon, the warlock thought her capable of taking care of herself, even if she was only the size of a (small) house cat. But now, with lanky limbs and soft skin, it terrified Merlin of how easily she could be hurt. How, in this form, it would only take a tumble to break a bone or a chill to make her sick.
Merlin was terrified .
He’d never been so scared for someone else in his life. Yes, Arthur got in trouble basically every day, but he was tough and stubborn and Merlin was constantly protecting him from danger with his magic (and not only actively in fight - the Goddess knows how many protection spells are tangled among Arthur’s armour and chainmail!).
But holding his daughter, he couldn’t stop to think of the worst possibilities. He didn’t know how to take care of a baby, and especially not one who was actually a dragon.
Merlin visibly flinched when the terrifying thought he’d pushed away earlier came rushing back to him unwanted.
What if Aithusa turned back into a dragon in front of Arthur or the Knights?
He didn’t know if the Magic of the Lake would last, or for how long. If there was any number of criteria that could break the spell and turn her back… Merlin didn’t know what he would do then.
Arthur and Leon had seen the destruction Kilgharrah had caused to Camelot, and because of that, they weren’t particularly fond of dragons.
Even the other knights, his friends, who’d never met a dragon in their lives before, were weary of them. From tales and stories of fire and destruction that painted dragons as monstrous magical creatures.
All of them had been on the mission to destroy Aithusa’s egg. They’d tried to kill his daughter before she was even born. Like she was destined to become a monster , one whom was not even allowed to come into the world.
Because Magic was evil, and everything and everyone who had it was wicked, dishonourable, corrupted, villainous - a monster , who deserved to die by fire or sword.
(Unwillingly, Merlin recalled another time when someone he loved was also thought to be a monster. When, despite her kind heart, she was taken from him too soon. Arthur had slaughtered the woman he loved already. What was stopping him from killing his daughter as well, when he finds out what she is?)
(Will he have to clean his daughter’s blood from Arthur’s sword, too? )
Merlin quickly wiped the tear threatening to escape him and tried - unsuccessfully - to collect himself.
He was ignoring the questions he was sure his friends were asking him. But he couldn’t focus on anything else at the moment.
Soon, his friends realised Merlin wasn’t in any condition to be answering just about anything and decided to spare him their interrogatory.
“Let’s turn in for the night. I’m sure tomorrow we’ll all feel refreshed and better able to continue our journey.” Leon proposed, locking eyes with the King.
Arthur nodded his ascent. “Tomorrow, we’ll be going back to Camelot. We’ve covered enough ground already, and in this weather, I’m sure our trip back will take twice as long.” Pensively, he looked at Merlin. “I can’t leave Camelot without a King for any longer.” He continued, giving what he knew was a mere excuse for going back.
The others could tell their king was worried about Merlin, just like they were, but decided not to press against it.
“Of course, sire.”
Merlin was still distracted by his worries and barely opened his mouth as they all settled for the night.
“C’mon, Merls. Let’s get some sleep.” With Gwaine’s help, he managed to find a comfortable enough sleeping position where he could keep Aithusa pressed close to him, semi-sitting against the cold stone walls of the cave with his friend’s red cape around the both of them.
Still, this, having his daughter held against his chest, was the only warmth he felt on that frigid winter night.
He was never abandoning her again. Never .
(And if the fire didn’t go out for the whole night, and Aithusa’s eyes glowed with a soft golden shimmer, well… No one noticed.)