Chapter Text
Syd looked so pretty like this. They looked absolutely gorgeous when they had that big smile spread across their face. Let me rephrase that they looked absolutely gorgeous when they were doing what they loved, the smile was a very welcome perk. Jumping up and down singing their songs. I lean against the pillar in the side front wing of the stage, arms crossed just smiling at my partner.
Syd finished what they always said was their favorite song Control freak. They always got so excited to sing that song, it was very personal to their journey as a trans person. It takes a lot for them to sing it but tonight it seemed to hurt a bit more than usual.
They stood in the blue light breathing heavily taking in the applause as the Guitar chord faded out. Their eyes closed looking up towards the ceiling. A few drops of sweat trickle down the side of their face, almost sparkling in the light.. Ew why am I romanticizing their sweat drops? like ya y/n it's the love of your life but their sweat really? On their face was a smile but not the same one. This smile was almost full of emotions that Syd had to let out but was holding them in by the thread of a shirt but the tighter they held the more the thread unraveled from the shirt.
Once it started to die down a little, Syd took a deep breath and looked out into the crowd of maybe 500 people, probably a little less, but still more than the normal 70 to 90 people or so that would come to a solo standing Doll Skin concert, but that's only because they were opening for another bigger band. But that’s why they opened for bands it draws in a bigger crowd and more publicity soon they would be drawing in hundreds of thousands all of them there to see Doll Skin only there for Doll Skin, I know it.
They held the mic up to their lips and inhaled.
“Is it ok if I’m an angry trans person for the rest of the set tonight? Is that ok?” they asked.
Because of the type of bands that Syd got to open for they almost always knew the answer but always asked it just in case. I never knew why but it’s just something they did and I never questioned it.
The crowd almost on cue erupted into cheers.
“Ok good I just wanted to make sure that this was a safe space because holy shit…” they took a breath and a step still trying to catch their breath after the last song “...it feels like the trans experience is just being angry, it feels like the trans experience- the experience of being on this planet as anything but a cis white straight man is hhhhard” they said almost sighing out the first h. “And they keep making it fucking harder.” the crowd erupted in boo’s “trying to take our damn rights! And sometimes they do and get away with it!” they say clearly very angry. someone yelled out “IT’S BULLSHIT!”
Syd yelled out pointing out to the crowd, “They keep making it harder they are taking away from our youth. As a community with some but not a lot of known elders we have to fight for ourselves.” once again the crowd erupted “so I will continue to be a loud, angry, trans, queer person UNTILL” they said holding a finger up “My existence is no longer inherently political until my presence is no longer-” the crowd cheered so loud I couldn't hear the rest of it. Syd looks over at me scrunching their nose and smiling almost shyly as the crowd had gotten so loud at that. I slightly shrugged my shoulders, smiling back.
They waited for the crowd to calm down a little before saying “until we can just be…” they took paused as the crowd rowed as loud as it had been all night,” you guys clap as if- as if that's so hard to reach and that's what’s upsetting, this song is for all the fuckers, the bigots, the government dicks, and anyone who thinks that they can tell us what to do!” they took a breath with a slight smile as they brought the microphone close to their lips, “it’s called eat shit” they said over pronouncing eat shit.
I smiled at them, they were staring their whole ‘I say shut you say up I say eat you say shit’, with the crowd. Syd loved crowd participation. This song made me happy because it was angry, it was loud, it was powerful and it was trans. All these were words I’d use to describe Syd.
Syd looked like they were on the verge of tears as they finished the song. They finished up saying their cute little thing about how they would like to take your money in exchange for goods. as they walk off stage. “Hey Syd you did great-” I began holding out my arms before they just collapsed onto their knees. They Put their hands over their eyes as they silently cried. Without thinking I left my spot and ran to them. I fell onto my knees and embraced Syd in a hug. They slightly pick themself up so they are in my lap. They spoke softly “s- sorry I didn’t mean to break down in front of you I just-” they sharply inhaled, “I'm just so upset that these rights we have fought so hard for are being stripped away like it doesn't matter,” they said shakily.
I held Syd one arm around them, the other supported their head holding their ear to my heart. I held them tightly, slowing my breathing so my heartbeat would be slow and calm. I laid my head atop theirs. They smelled of sweat and hair dye as we had dyed their hair last night which just by looking at our hands you’d be able to tell that much. I slightly rock them. “I know it’s hard but you'll always have me and i'll always be by your side fighting for those rights,” I say in a hushed tone. The next band hasn't started yet so I didn’t want to be too loud. Luckily the band that they had opened for was coming on the stage from the other side so I just held them.
I slightly smile “but for now how about we send a copy of eat shit to all those- what did you call them?” I pause pretending to think “government shits?” They said looking up at me and laughing slightly. I smile back “right, right those government shits. How about that? Plus you don’t just have me you have all your little rats” I say squeezing a little harder on rats and lightly shaking them. They laugh “ya…” they trail off whipping their eyes and nose on their sleeve. “Ewwww Syddd that's so grossss” I say very over-exaggerated like a little kid who just saw a kiss on TV taking my hands off of them together under my chin.
Syd rolls their eyes with a smile before pushing their sleeve towards me laughing
“SYD!” I gasp as I fall back not able to move as they were sitting on my lap. They laugh pulling their hand back as they get up reaching for the towel that was laying on a stool. They whip their face and neck of sweat then place it around their neck before holding their hand out to help me up.
“Nu uh” I say making a disgusted face “ other hand” Syd rolls their eyes switching hands. I smile taking their hand and stand up. “Speaking of the rat pack I don’t know how much longer they're willing to wait to exchange money for your goods” I wink.
Syd’s eyes widen “oh shit ya!” they kiss me on the cheek before running off towards the entrance “love ya y/n!”. I smile to myself as they go run to meet the eager line of about 30 fellow rats.