Chapter Text
We spent the first ten minutes in silence. I excelled at this job, and I wasn’t intimidated by the silence of my patients. Even those moments were crucial because they could've revealed a lot about their personality. He seemed the type to enjoy being a rebel. I had experience with patients like him: too proud to admit having a problem and too pleased to speak about it. People’s brains are complex, but they can be easy to read. I did read the first half of the file Hux gave me, but I tossed it aside. There was nothing in it that could’ve told me something more about Ben’s personality; it was a military report, and his words were well calculated. If Hux was sure and Ben had been compromised, I wouldn’t have found anything in there, if not well-calculated lies.I continued to sit peacefully in my armchair, adding notes on my datapad. He seemed curious. He surely wanted to know what I was writing, what I was thinking about him, and that curiosity led him to speak first.
“Why those plants?” I lifted my head from the datapad screen. He was staring at me. From this distance, I could look at him more clearly. His brown eyes contrasted with his pale skin. I had to admit it: he was a good-looking man. He would’ve been my type if not for his strange attitude.
“I like them, they’re lovely” Finally, I had his attention. “Do you like them?” Putting those plants in my office was the right choice. They helped my patients to be at ease and to start a conversation. A little detail that could’ve made the difference. And it was working with Ben.
“Perhaps, who knows?” his body was less tense than previously. He was playing with me, and being sarcastic was his weapon. Of course it was. “Never seen them onboard.”
“Right. General Hux granted me this privilege .” I didn’t say his name for no reason. Hux was in charge of the base, and I knew for sure he wasn’t loved by many. During my sessions, I used him as a topic for conversation, and it worked: stormtroopers loved to talk badly about him. That was the only thing I omitted from my reports. His smirk turned to an expression of pure disgust. Oh, he doesn’t like him. “He’s always been nothing but supportive of me-” but I couldn't finish my sentence because Ben stopped me.
“Oh, I’m sure about it.” grinned, “You’re a woman and he likes them smart. And any woman’s smarter than him.” he laughed sarcastically, proud of his consideration. I tried to stay calm and collected, but I was sure my face was red. Anything related to feelings and romantic relationships was foreign to me. I’d never had a boyfriend, only casual acquaintances that led to nothing more than a dinner. It was one of my weaknesses; therefore, his comment about Hux caught me off guard. And he seemed to enjoy it by the look on his face.
“Why do you think that?” I cleared my throat, visibly embarrassed. I was doing my job, and he dared to provoke me. It was unprofessional, but I couldn’t do anything about it, because even those comments revealed tons of information about his personality. And his relationship with Hux, their power dynamics.
“Why do I think he isn’t smart…”, with a smirk on his face, he shifted position: his elbows resting on his knees. “...Or why do I think he likes you?” He was getting closer to me. He wasn’t intimidating; his tone was flirtatious. This man knew his way around women, but we weren’t in a club, and I was a Doctor. But…why was he making me feel so nervous? I hated that. His eyes never left mine, but from time to time, he scanned me head to toe, like a predator looks at its prey.
“Both.” I answered instantly. I wasn’t afraid of him, but that conversation was getting…heated. He was playing with me, and I wanted to give him the impression that I was one of his toys. Again, something was happening inside of me. Not fear, but something different. I avoided my thoughts and continued; it wasn’t the right time to reflect on my inner self.
Ben seemed interested. I was sure he was the type of man who enjoyed having everything under his control, just like Hux. But they were different. Hux was diligent, loved giving rules and following them, while Ben was another matter. He seemed to like provoking, being sarcastic, and having everything and everyone under his control. But talking about his superior in that way made me realise how rebellious he was.
“I know what you’re doing, but I won’t talk about Hux.” said disgusted, “He makes my life miserable, so I do the same to him.” What he was alluding to, I wasn’t sure, but it was clear these two despised each other. Hux never mentioned his name before the other day, and I didn’t know anything about this man (apart from the file Hux gave me). If I had asked around, someone could’ve told me something about these two, but it wasn’t the wisest choice.
“Alright. If you don’t feel like talking about him, I can’t force you to do it.” he had built a wall around him; destroying it would’ve been dangerous, so I had to climb it slowly.
“How long have you been here?” asked Ben, putting me now under the spotlight.
“A month or so. You didn’t know about me?”
“Oh, yes, I knew about you. Hux never stopped blabbering about a new Doctor, how the project was going well…the usual. He loves to praise his leadership, and that’s why he doesn’t have any friends: dull and self-centred.” He hated him but loved talking about him.
“And do you have friends?” With his attitude, I was sure he was no different from Hux. He stared at me, annoyed by my question, angry about the comparison I made with Hux.
“Listen, doctor …I’m here because he told me so.” He wasn’t playing or flirting with me; he was angry at me. “I could go away and get you into trouble-”
“If you want to, you can go. It’s your choice.”
When I returned to my quarters, I was hungry, tired and confused. Ben decided not to leave my office and continued our session together. Those forty-five minutes felt like hours; I was lucky that during my career, I did encounter patients like him, if not, I would've been dead in the first ten minutes. The conversation we had was undoubtedly interesting, but it drained me. Therefore, returning to my quarters, I stopped by the canteen hoping to find something to eat; I was so hungry I could’ve even eaten the infamous fish soup. Ugh, that’s terrible . But when I entered the hall, all the food was already gone. One of the service droids, noticing my starving face, brought me some bread, a cup of juice and leftover meat. I didn’t question its provenance and sat at one of the tables. It was late for dinnertime, so more than half of the tables were empty and even if I’d known someone, without my glasses, I couldn’t recognise anyone. But a figure, seated two tables in front of me, caught my interest. From his uniform and the colour of his hair, I recognised Hux. He was eating alone and in the meantime reading from his datapad. Remembering what Ben told me about Hux not having any friends, I picked up my tray and approached him. Too tired to think and speak, I just sat there without addressing him.
“Oh, good evening, Doctor.” Perplexed and uncomfortable, he politely continued to speak to me. “Everything all right?”
“Your patient,” I said while drinking my juice. It didn’t taste awful, but it was too sweet. “Arrogant and stubborn. I don’t know how we managed to finish the session.” And now I had his full attention because, after I finished speaking, he looked amused by my words.
“He sat there for forty-five minutes and didn’t leave?” I nodded, “And you didn’t leave?”
“Of course. It would’ve been unprofessional and pointless to get away because he’s a hotheaded dumbass-” I paused but it was too late. I’had forgotten that Hux was my friend, he was my boss, my superior and I called a “hotheaded dumbass” one of his sergeants. Before it was too late, I apologised to him, ready to get scolded, but Hux was holding back from laughing.
“So funny. There’s no need to apologise, Doctor. You said what everyone already thinks.” he sighed, still amused by my words. “I’m amazed by your work. Anything that could’ve gone wrong, didn’t, and I’m happy to hear about that.”
“So you applied a patient to my sessions and didn’t tell me he could’ve been, I don’t know, a piece of work?” I would’ve appreciated even a simple warning.
“I was sure you understood the type of man he is.” he shrugged off my concerns.
“I read your file and, apart from a sergeant who was captured, what he said and how he said it seemed alright to me. Although…unnatural and forced.”
“That’s why I needed you. I don’t trust him and his words. Benign fooled by a man like him…No, it would never happen to me. And it won’t happen.” He took the last bite of his meal and stood up. “If you have any concerns, write to me and I’ll answer. Remember: I need to know what happened to him during those six months.” And went away.
I sat there, thinking how stupid I was. Hux didn’t care about my well-being, and if Ben had been dangerous, he would not have told me anyway. The food I was eating started to taste disgusting. In the end, I returned to my quarters with an almost empty stomach.
Lying on my bed, tired and nauseous, I was still thinking about Ben and our conversation. I noticed how he was so sure about anything regarding Hux. But one thing was incorrect: he surely didn’t like me.
My datapad beeped. I had to get up from the bed to get it, and I bursted out laughing frantically when my eyes scanned the message. Of course, my laugh was full of panic, and not the funny type. I looked crazy.
Across the screen, a message notification read:
Commander Ren: Meeting scheduled for Thursday at 1000 .
What the heck was happening in my life?