Chapter Text
"Oh Yuki! You're such a life saver! Seriously, thank you." A young man, the same age as Yuki, is smiling as he looks over the answers on a page, copying them down in his workbook.
"It's no problem. I have it done anyway. Just make sure to change the answers enough and do it quickly." Yuki smiles, a soft blush spreads across his cheeks as he watches the other man hastily scribble.
The man groans as he glares at the empty music staff on his page. "Ugh, when I decided to go for a music minor I didn't think about theory. Why does it have to be so complicated?"
Yuki shrugs. "You know you can change your minor, right?"
"Well, yeah- Wait, what does this say?" The man points to one of the written answers.
"Uh-" Yuki looks at it for a beat. "Decending fifth, I think."
"'You think?'" The man laughs. "Thanks, anyway I already got through the first theory, so I only have one more then I'm done."
Yuki rubs the back of his neck. "I have two more theory classes after this one."
The man whistles. "I do not envy you."
"Meh, I don't mind it much. Written theory I'll be okay with, it's the ear training stuff I'm worried about."
"You're smart. You'll be fine."
Yuki can feel his face heat up at the compliment. "Tha- I hope so."
"Hey, can you buy lunch again?" The man asks.
"Oh- uh, yeah." Yuki fiddles with his fingers as the man leans closer to him.
"You're the best!" The man is beaming at Yuki.
"Actually, I-" Yuki can't help but feel his chest flutter. "You're free this weekend, yeah?"
"You? Wanting to do something on a weekend?" The man smirks. "What, did the art museum get a new exhibit?"
"Oh no, that was a couple weeks ago. I know it's not your thing, but it was wonderful. There was this-"
The man rolls his eyes. "Yes, I'm free."
"Oh right! I want- I mean-" Yuki takes a deep breath. "Would you like to have dinner together? Or we could go to the movies if you want or- or-"
The man chuckles. "Are you asking me out, Yuki?"
"I-" Yuki knows his face is bright red. "Yes, yes I am."
"You paying?"
"Uh- sure. Yeah, I can pay."
The man takes a moment to think about it and then smiles. "It's a date then."
Yuki has a massive grin for the rest of the day. The cute guy in his class has said yes! Yuki's going to go on a date! He needs to prepare. He's never done this before. He was so ready to be blown off that he didn't know what to do if his friend did accept! But he's not in high school anymore, not in middle school, nor elementary, and he is certainly not at Sunday school. He's so elated that he doesn't complain about the 90 plus degree heat during marching band rehearsal. Once his section leader finds out that Yuki has become a love struck fool, their annoyance for his smile changes into a fond chuckle. When Yuki is back in his dorm, he's going through his closet and panicking.
Now, he's standing outside his friend's door. He's early, he's always early, but he can wait. He could knock, he's sure his friend wouldn't be upset with him. He has bouquet in his hand, well it's more of a bunch of wild flowers he picked on the way here. Still, it's a sweet gesture, right? Or is it too much? Well, it's too late now. Yuki takes a deep breath. He's about to knock when he hears a voice on the other side.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be busy today." A beat of silence. "You know the guy who gets me into the cafeteria? Well, now he's paying for dinner."
Yuki stays quiet. He brings his hand back to his side, not wanting to disrupt the phone call.
"Yes, the nerd." The man groans. "Yeah, I know he's not my type."
Yuki's grip tightens around the flowers. He knows he isn't anything special. His looks are mediocre, not attractive but not unattractive. Dull. He shouldn't have-
"But he buys me food and basically does my assignments for me. He helps me out a lot."
Yuki's grip loosens. Right. Looks are only a part of it. He's helpful, people like that. Hopefully it's enough to make up for everything else.
"He can be annoying, sure."
Yuki can feel his shoulders slumping down.
"And sometimes it's hard to get him to shut up."
There has to be a 'but' or 'yet' coming, there has to.
"But-"
Yuki sighs in relief.
"I just have to deal with him a couple more months, maybe get him to buy me some nice things, then dump him after finals. Easy peasy."
The flowers in Yuki's hand become a crumpled mess, and tears bead at the corners of his eyes. He should've known better. He should've saw this coming. People never like him, not like that. When people see him, he's just mediocre, weird, and that's just what they see on the outside. He knows that inside he's much worse, something horrific and disgusting. Everything inside him is wrong. Of course it seeps out, he can't keep it from leaking and staining everything. He can feel it stiring inside him, a darkness that claws and cries within in, the black ooze, the beast. He was used. He was gullible. It screams at him to tear this door down and to do things he knows he'd regret.
Yuki's tears fall faster. He takes a deep breath in, his entire torso shuddering. He gazes down at the mangled, dying flowers in his hand. The petals shift, the soft pink fades into an empty white. The green steams turn as well, losing all their color. A bright light begins to shine from the edges of the doorframe, it hurts his eyes, burning them. The door opens, pulling him in. He falls through it. His skin feels like it's on fire. He's in the sky, plummeting down, but there is no ground below him. Only clouds.
"Looks like the fag can't even get a fellow queer to like him." A familiar voice. "You don't belong in Heaven. "
Yuki slams into the clouds, bumpy, solid, burning white, every bone in his body cries in pain, begging for more. "Good." Yuki chokes out. "Hell's more fun anyway."
A figure stands above him, a familiar uniform, a familiar face, a familiar wooden bat. "Think your Pop wants that?"
"He already knows I'm going there." Yuki tries to turn over, tries to get up. The figure stomps his foot into Yuki's chest.
"Smug little shit." The figure spits on him.
"Well, aren't you kinky." Another kick to the chest. Yuki chuckles and coughs, the sweet taste of iron greets his tongue. Oh, how he misses this.
"God hates you." The figure kicks Yuki in the face, shattering his glasses. Yes.
"I hate God."
"I put you in a hospital once. I can do it again, Faggot." More.
"Go ahead. Call me that again. Please, give me the excuse."
"What? Faggot?" The figure laughs. "Does the faggot want to get his chest beaten in again?" Yuki can't hide anymore. It's crawling out of him.
"You know I want to kill you." Yuki states with a monotone voice. His head hurts, he can feel something tearing, sharp lumps, horns, grow from his forehead. This is who he really is.
"You don't have the balls, Tranny."
"Then I'll just take yours." Everything is a blur. Ripping, crushing, red. The pure pale sky turns red, more and more splotches of red paint the clouds, Yuki's hands, his claws, are stained with such a beautiful, bloody red. The figure is below him, torso torn open, organs ripe and ready. Yuki's hands plunge into the soft flesh, so easily pulled from their crevasses.
"Please." The figure is begging. "No- Stop!"
The figure's balls pop in his grasp. Yuki laughs. "Those words never stopped you. Why do you think they would stop me?"
"Demon." The figure can barely speak, his breathing is shallow.
Tears drown Yuki's cheeks. "Better than being an angel. Better than being like you, Michael."
Yuki jolts awake, sweat beading all over his body, tears still falling in reality.
-- -- -- -- -- --
"You're awake." Belphie smiles softly, hugging a pillow as he steps into the music room. "Got the itch to play some piano in the middle of the night?"
"Oh uh- Yeah." Yuki looks up to him.
Belphie hums, staring back. "I didn't say you should stop."
Yuki nods and then returns his gaze to the keys below his fingers. His left hand is the first to play, his pinky pressing down C, then Eb and G with his middle finger and thumb. The Eb feels welcoming. His hand repeats the chord in a waltz pattern, playing i, iv, and V chords in no particular order. His right hand follows no thought, simply playing what feels right. Belphie steps closer, looking over Yuki's shoulder as he plays. Yuki flinches, messing up his chord pattern when Belphie puts his hand on the keys to play with him.
"Sorry." Belphie says quietly.
"No, it's okay." Yuki mutters. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I-" Belphie pulls his hand back. "I'm surprised you haven't reacted like that sooner."
"Wha-" Yuki raises an eyebrow. "What are you on about."
Belphie doesn't respond.
"Belphie-"
"You being scared of me." He says it.
Yuki looks up, eyes wide and staring at him. "What? Belphie, what are-" Yuki cuts himself off when he realizes what Belphie's talking about.
"You've been so kind to me. You helped me reconnect with my brothers, never yell at me when I oversleep or act like an asshole, and you-" Belphie takes a deep breath. "I know you aren't scared of demons like you should be, but I- I lied to you... I killed you."
"And you regret it and have grown from it." Yuki reaches toward Belphie, but Belphie steps back.
"Yuki, you- I-" Frustration grows on Belphie's face. "You're always nice to me, to everyone, I thought that maybe what I did just didn't bother you because nothing seems to bother you. At least that's what I thought until now. Yes, you would get annoyed or frustrated sometimes, but you never stayed like that for long."
"Belphegor-"
"I shouldn't have made that assumption. You don't have to pretend to be okay with me."
"Belphie," Yuki stands suddenly, knocking the bench he was sitting on to the floor, and pulls Belphie into a hug. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." Belphie wants to hug him back. "I killed you. You were dead, you were a fucking corpse."
Yuki holds Belphie tighter, nuzzling his face into Belphie's chest. "You were hurt."
"But you aren't the one who hurt me." Belphie lets go of his pillow, letting it fall to the floor, and softly wraps his arms around Yuki. "I shouldn't have done that to you."
"See? That's why I'm not scared of you. Like I said, you regret what you did and have grown from it." Yuki tries to reassure him. "And I mean, I've been through worse."
"You... What?" Belphie freezes, gripping Yuki's shirt tightly. "I killed you. How could you have been through worse?"
Yuki shrugs. "I knew you were angry and dangerous, but I still hugged you knowing that. That's on me. What you did did hurt a bit, but I passed out pretty quickly, so the pain didn't last long. It's not like you came out of no where and put me in the hospital for a week."
"Yuki, you-" Belphie pulls Yuki closer to him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." Yuki mumbles. "What you did wasn't the first time I died technically, and it hurt a lot less too."
"You've died before?" Belphie asks.
"Clinically dead for a little while, but I got to the ER and turned out fine." Yuki pats Belphie's back. "What you did doesn't cut close, and I don't hold it against you."
"You forgive way too easily." Belphie can feel tears beading at the edges of his eyes.
"Hard to forgive someone when you weren't upset at them in the first place, and in all honesty..." Yuki pauses and pulls his face away to gaze up at Belphie. "I felt like I was looking in a mirror in a way."
"'A mirror?'" Belphie repeats the phrase.
"I saw part of myself in you during that moment. You were full of rage and hatred, suffering all alone." Yuki reaches up and brushes Belphie's hair out of his face with one hand, the other wipes away a falling tear. "I was never scared of you, Belphie. I wanted to help you, to comfort you, to do something because I saw my younger self in you. Depression turns into anger and then all you want to do is lash out at anything that reminds you of what hurt you. Then you do things you can't take back, be it words or actions. Nothing is the same after that. It's an awful feeling, and, to go through it alone... I didn't want that for you."
Warmth and worry bloom in Belphie's chest. "Yuki, you..." He chuckles softly. "Part of me finds it hard to believe you could ever be that angry, but another part of me thinks of course you have... If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here."
"I'll be fine. That was a long time ago."
"Yuki..."
"It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I don't know why I said all that. But I'm okay now, so don't worry." The human gives a forced smile and gestures to the piano. "Want to try again?"
Belphie hesitates but then nods. "Yeah."
Yuki picks the bench up and puts it back where it belongs. Belphie sits with him, watching where Yuki places his fingers. Yuki sets his fingers on white keys, deciding that A minor would be easier for Belphie, and begins to play, arpeggiating different chords for the bass. Belphie watches his hands for a moment before joining him, trying out different ideas for an unending melody. The two of them sit like this, shoulder to shoulder, creating a song together.
-- -- -- -- -- -- - --
Yuki yawns, rubbing one of his eyes as he wakes up, Belphie's arms are gently wrapped around him. Yuki stretches and then wiggles his way out of Belphie's grasp. When he hears a growling, he looks over to Beel's occupied bed. That sounded too quiet for Beel... Yuki hears it again. Ah, that's his own stomach. Yuki quickly puts on his glasses and makes his way to the kitchen, hoping his outburst from the other day hasn't bothered the rest of the brothers like it did for Belphie. Yuki can try to pretend nothing happened, but he knows he can't ignore reality. He just needs to avoid it, not let himself rant like that again. Self-control, just simple self-control. Handle the headache. It's his problem, he won't drag other people into it. He won't be a burden again.
Yuki barely realizes he's staring into an empty fridge. He snaps out of his trance when he hears an exasperated sigh behind him. Yuki turns his head, looking over his shoulder. "Hm? Oh. Morning, Satan."
Satan groans. "Of course, Beel had his annual midnight snack."
Yuki shrugs. "Opening the fridge was worth a shot at least."
"And I was planning to make something for breakfast." Satan places his hand on his chin. "I guess I could order takeout, though it isn't too late to go to the store."
"I wanna make toast." Yuki thinks for a beat. "Cinnamon eggs and french toast, or maybe cinnamon rolls. I need something cinnamon."
Satan chuckles. "Store it is then."
Yuki excuses himself to get changed and brush his teeth before the two of them head out. Most of the household is asleep. He probably doesn't need to, but Yuki makes sure to try to be at least somewhat quiet. He may have permission to practice and play in the music room whenever he wants, but he doesn't want to intrude anywhere else. Speaking of the music room, he's right next to it. He could pop in and grab an instrument to go... But when would he play it? Looks like he'll just have to wait until later. Satan greets him and they head to a store. The two walk in comfortable silence. Yuki, honestly, isn't even paying attention to where they're going or what store Satan's decided on. He's just admiring his surroundings. The sparse trees on this street have turned into a beautiful range of warm colors as the temperature has turned colder.
The sky is dark every hour of the day Devildom, but every morning Yuki hears chirps and warbles from birds big and small, all songs he's never heard in the human world. They used to sound so strange to him, but now they just sound like home. He's been able to figure what birds sing some of the melodies. There's a bird that reminds him of a blue jay except it has no white and the the blue is instead a rich, dark violet. This bird's song reminds Yuki of a trilling clarinet. Then there's the bird that is small, round, and fat like a cardinal, but it's not a deep red or vibrant yellow. Well, it has some red at the tip of its head crest, wings, and tail feathers, but the bird is mostly white. This bird hits high notes easily, loving glissandos traveling between octaves. There are two birds that are nesting on House of Lamentation's roof that are his favorite. They appear to be a couple of doves that are very much in love. He thinks they're doves, they seem to be similar to bleeding heart doves at least, with that dark red spot on both of their chests, but there are no other markings, the rest of their feathers are a brilliant dark gray. Their cooing is technically not a song, but it's cute anyway. A sudden collection of peeps, catches Yuki attention, snapping him out of his thoughts. Satan turns to Yuki, the beginnings of a sentence turn to silence as he realizes Yuki isn't next to him. Yuki is halfway down a ditch.
"Yuki?" Satan's panic shifts to confusion.
"Is there a nest in that tree?" Yuki asks, crouching as he digs a handkerchief from his pocket.
Satan raises an eyebrow. "A nest?" He takes a moment to study the tree only a couple feet away from them. "There is a nest. Why-" Satan cuts himself off when he sees what's in Yuki's hands.
A small baby bird, thinly feathered, is loosely wrapped in a handkerchief and held gently in Yuki's palms. "Come on, Sweetie. Let's get you back home."
Satan's face softens and a small smile spreads across his lips. "Let me help you."
"Thanks." Yuki shifts the bird to one hand and lets his open, as if he's ready for a hug. "Can you lift me up there?"
Satan hesitates for a moment then awkwardly tries to find a way he can lift Yuki without touching anywhere inappropriate.
"Satan, just-" Yuki places his free hand on Satan's shoulder. "Do a squat and lift. If you have to grab my ass, grab it. I don't care where you touch me as long as you don't drop me."
A light pink warms Satan's face. "Are you sure you should be saying that to a demon?"
"I couldn't care less about that. Honestly, trust you more than I do most humans." Yuki sighs. "Now are you gonna lift me or what?"
While it's still done awkwardly, Satan wraps his arms around Yuki and lifts, one arm holding the back of Yuki's thighs close to his body while his other keeps Yuki's back stable.
"Alright, time to go home, Sweetie." Yuki looks into the nest. Two small chicks, the same size as the baby in his palm, open their beaks and chirp repeatedly. "Sorry, I don't have food for you. I got your sibling though." He delicately nudges the chick off of his handkerchief and into the nest. "Now Sweetie, don't go falling out of your nest again, okay? And the rest of you, watch your sibling!"
Satan can't help but chuckle at Yuki's words. "Ready to come down?"
"Yeah, thanks again."
Satan sets Yuki down gently. "You really are an angel."
The smile on Yuki's face vanishes for a moment, jaw tightening. "Don't call me that." His eyes widen when he realizes what he's just said. He forces his face to relax. "I mean, it's inaccurate. I'm a human."
Satan stares at Yuki, studying him. "You always do that."
Yuki raises an eyebrow. "What?"
"I am well aware you are a human. You are also not Henry nor are you a cat, yet you have no problem being compared to them." Satan crosses his arms. "There is clearly another reason."
"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine, It's just..." Yuki takes a moment to think about his words. "It's weird, awkward."
"If it's because you know actual angels, don't worry. Simeon and Luke-"
"Can we drop this?" Yuki cuts Satan off.
Satan stares at Yuki, silent for a beat. "Yuki..."
"It makes me uncomfortable, okay?" Yuki rubs his arm. "To me it's not a compliment."
"Don't humans prefer angels to demons on average, especially where you are from?"
A pitiful chuckle escapes Yuki. "On average, yeah."
"If you don't tell me-" Satan takes in a deep breath. "I won't force you, but I don't understand."
"To me..." Yuki hesitates. "I didn't see angels as the good guys when growing up, even though everyone told me they were, and it just stuck."
Satan's face softens. "I won't push it further. I'm sorry that I ruined the mood." Satan offers his hand. "Let's get going."
Yuki nods and takes Satan's hand in his. "It's okay. It's a me problem, not a you problem."