Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Patiently you waited until Gin and Anko had lowered Kakashi’s old couch to the ground of your new living room. Sweat stood on their foreheads and their mouths were now constantly in a snarl or scowl, but no one had said anything yet to your gentle remarks and orders. Just when both brave shinobi straightened again and reached their hands out for a high five, you put on a thoughtful face. “Mhmm…” Gin’s happy expression froze and Anko’s shoulders jerked upwards. “Maybe again a little bit to the side?”

“Oh, fuck off!” The purple-haired woman flipped you the bird. “It’s the third time! Get your head and eyes checked!”

“Alright, alright!” Laughing, you raised your hands in defeat. “It was just a little joke, calm down. That’s the only thing I have left!” To underline your point, you gently cupped your rounded stomach.

The motion didn’t miss its purpose. Instantly Anko’s hard features softened to a sappy, cooing mess while Gin was nearly swooning over the possibility of being an uncle to the “small, chubby kiddo”. For the untempt time, actually. But you didn’t mind at all, if it meant to get away with a little bit of teasing and messing around with your friends without fearing any consequences.

Future mothers really had a lot of free room to fool their surroundings.

Satisfied with the state of your living room, you allowed your eyes to wander around, taking in what was already done and needed to be done in the next hours. Kakashi hadn’t lied when he said the old Hatake compound needed a little bit of renovating. Only a little bit. The style of the entire house was kept in the original Japanese theme. The ground was made out of tatami mats, the walls consisted of paper-thin, light doors and wooden barriers, beautiful ornaments drawn all over them. From time to time you could find the Hatake clan symbol interwoven into the patterns, which Kakashi’s mother had drawn over a time span of months.

Unusual was for such a house to have a second level, where Kakashi’s old room had been located and also the fateful place where his father had taken his own life. But after a quick and meaningful exchange between you and Kakashi you two quickly made up your minds.

Also, the garden in front and behind the house itself. Wild and overgrown with weeds, but even after all the years of no one caring about the fruitfully earth you could spot some beds meant for usable plants and herbs, even some leftovers of once green plants and flowers. A small way made of raw, grey stone lead farther onto the compound and in the distance, one could spot a little fountain between the trees. The wooden veranda was probably the only spot where a thorough renovation was necessary. One step on the groaning and moldy wood and the underground had given away. A hole of the size if Kakashi’s foot reminded you of the probably most hilarious sight the man had ever shown you.

All in all, it was perfect. Spacious, peaceful, comfortable. Simply perfect. You loved the house from the very first moment you laid an eye upon it. And now the day of moving Kakashi’s and your combined household to the new home came.

In the early morning, the sun even hadn’t risen on the horizon, your little troop of happy helpers had knocked at your door. Gin was as chipper as always, grinning brightly when you opened the entrance. His grin only wavered when Kakashi stepped into his sight, chest naked and his legs only covered by thin pajama pants. Then there was Anko, holding onto a plastic cup filled with the strongest coffee you ever smelled and yawning widely, Asuma, his beard a little bit roughed up from a long night and Iruka, perfectly clothed and looking like he was already awake for a few hours.

Now it was midday and before you decided to jokingly interrupt Gin’s and Anko’s work, you made sandwiches in all varieties, a light snack and yet full of all necessary nutrition’s. With a smile you presented them a plate overloaded with the carrying sandwiches and watched how Gin and Anko almost instantly started to drool all over your hands.

“Here, as an apology.” you said but then it was already too late. Both shinobi dug in, stuffed their cheeks with sandwiches and even licked their fingers after finishing the first one.

Like some wild animals, starved after a long winter. Fondly smiling you held out the platter a little bit longer to give them the chance to grab a second sandwich, but then you retracted the food and clicked your tongue at their crestfallen expressions. “There are others around here, you know?”

“But did they have to deal with your attics?” Gin mumbled around the last bite of bread, salad and chicken. Anko nodded only, still busy with trying to stuff the sandwich into her mouth, her cheeks puffing out from her eagerness.

“Alright, that much I give you. Now go on, the armchairs won’t position themselves.” It was just too funny to see Gin roll his eyes and Anko curse around the sandwich, nearly coughing up when she accidently swallowed a tiny bit. Laughing, you quickly vanished from the comfortable, wide living room and pointed absent-mindedly at the spots where you wanted to place the chairs when you came back: directly in front of a small, open fire place, surrounded by tiles that the tatami mats wouldn’t catch on fire as soon as one spark would fly on the sensitive material.

Even in that regard, Kakashi’s parents had great taste.

Whistling to yourself and one hand protectively cupped over your round stomach, you entered the hallway, an open and light-filled room where a stairway leaded to the second level. Gai worked here, carrying all alone with his inhuman strength the small shelves for shoes and jackets.

As soon as the green-cladded name saw you, he settled the package he held on the ground and run over, cheerfully booming at you in his familiar manner. “Oooh! The blossomed love of my eternal rival! Good to see you!” Gai’s big hands grabbed your free one and before you knew it, he spun you around in a small circle. “I have to say; your pregnancy lets you shine more with every passing day! So youthful, to carry a new life and to think that my eternal rival found such a great partner makes me also want to embrace those passionate feelings!”

“Uuuuhm… Thanks?” Before he had the chance to start another speech about youth and love and “passionate feelings”, you held the plate out to the man. “Sandwich?”

Gai was the friendliness in person, you knew. But unfortunately, you didn’t have that much of an opportunity to spend time with the best friend of Kakashi. His open, boastful nature, the energetic movements, the exaggerated speech… It was just a little bit… too much. Maybe you should start to plan a meeting with him, considering the silver-haired man was at least once a week out for another ridiculous and yet hilarious challenge with Gai.

You wanted to get to know the man better.

One just couldn’t dislike Gai, who was again swooning over “the most youthful meal he will have this week, filled with love and care of the beloved partner of his eternal rival” and when you climbed the stairs to the upper levels, Gai was back to carry the heavy packages to their destination, with a new-found swing in his step.

No, no one could truly dislike such a passionate man. You hoped one day he would find someone who was able to look past the shell of spandex-bodysuits and the outdated bowl cut to see the man beneath those unimportant things. The man you knew out of the stories Kakashi told you more than once.

The second level was a little bit darker than the entrance area, due to the still present blankets covering the windows. Only little light was able to break through such thorough shields, but when you stopped to rip one of the heavy white curtains down, the sun immediately painted the wooden ground into a wonderful warm, mahogany-brown color. You loved it and enjoyed the feeling of the smooth ground against your naked feet as you ventured further, stopping at each room to see if either Asuma, Iruka or Kakashi were inside.

The first man you found was Iruka. He stood in the middle of a future gust room, bent over some boxes and hellbent on finding something, ruffling occasionally through his tightly bound hair when he again pressed a child-friendly curse through gritted teeth.

One glance at the black label at the side of the packages and you had to suppress a giggle. Kakashi’s books. Sure.

“Found something interesting?” you asked. To his defense, Iruka didn’t squeal. He only jerked around, humiliation and shame painted in a bright red across the bridge of his nose.

“(Y/N)… Wh-what a-are you do-doing here?”

“Checking on everyone. What are you doing?”

If possible, the teacher blushed even further. “What am I d-doing? Exactly… Th-that’s what I’m asking myself too…” Not so secretly, he tried to close the box with his feet, hands fiddling with each other and nervous to the point of fidgeting. The simple, golden engagement ring on his left hand reflected a ray of light, throwing golden sparkles all over a dusty carpet.

You allowed one of your eyebrows to raise a fraction, showing off your disbelief. “Really? If you want to, I can lend out some of them. They’re anyway a few of mine mixed into the mess.”

Not waiting for him to recover from the sudden revelation, you offered him the plate and after Iruka coughed a few times, he grabbed a sandwich, his eyes averting yours.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, “And…”

“What?”

“I didn’t have the opportunity until now.” The brunet smiled for the first time since you entered the room. “Officially my marriage is next year, though I don’t want to wait any longer. Before the official invitation hits you unprepared, (Y/N), would you do me the honor of coming to my wedding? Kakashi-san and your child,” his eyes grew sappy, “are also welcome.”

“Thank you so much, Iruka.” On instinct, you hugged him tightly until he hugged you back, his natural warmness sneaking into your clothes. “Sure, I would love to come to your wedding. Someone has to tell the story how you managed to color your hair in a shiny pink for a month!”

His whining and begging not to tell that particular story meet deaf ears. And when you purposefully dropped your hand to your stomach, Iruka stopped entirely to whine about the possibility of being embarrassed in front of his soon-to-be wife.

Being a pregnant woman was really helpful in messing with your friends.

The next one you found was Asuma. Surprisingly he had experience in repairing the old and glued together pipes of sanitary facilities, therefore it was no surprise to see him in the upper bathroom, inspecting the wide and ancient bath tube for any damage. Gruffly he scrubbed his beard as you offered him a small snack, asking under his breath how you were doing and what the little brat was up to.

You needed a moment to actually process what he said. Then you chuckled and told your friend about the liveliness of the indeed little brat, keeping you awake for most of the night with its antics.

Asuma was obviously a bit overthrown by the huge amount of information you passed on to him, but he nodded and even managed to grump a low “Good to hear that”, before he relieved you off some of your burden.

Since he and Kurenai were a thing, Asuma worried endlessly whenever the brunette was sent on a mission without him. They were used to see each other every day, if now as friends or lovers and that was one of the many reasons why you forgave Asuma his not-so-enthusiastic questions and answers. He was worried about his partner, nothing else. And you understood that more than other people.

There were two more sandwiches on your plate and only one room left where Kakashi could be. Silently you entered the hallway, now sun-flooded and friendly, only to knock gently at the very last door of the corridor.

Kakashi’s former room. The future room of your child.

No answer. Nevertheless, you pushed the door carefully open, prying inside and entering silently when your eyes fell on the back of your boyfriend.

It was a medium sized room, not too large and not too small either. The walls were dark, still a bit dirty, but both of you agreed on first moving inside the Hatake compound before actually trying to fix everything else. Painting and remodeling the rooms was on the way. There were a few things which told about the presence of a child; a small futon in one corner of the room, dulled training kunais embedded into the wall, perfectly tracing the shape of a human body, an abandoned container full of colorful pencils, directly in front of Kakashi’s feet.

As you closed the distance between you and him, the man cocked his head to the side, noting your arrival. Gently you hugged him from behind, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. “Hey.”

Kakashi lowered one of his hands to your entangled arms, the other held something in front of his face. “Hey. How are you doing?”

“Good.”

“And our small bundle of happiness?”

“Also good.”

“What means…”

Chuckling, you nosed Kakashi’s shoulder. “It means,” you said, “that he or she is still calm. The best time to annoy me with strong kicks is after all in the night when I try to sleep, you know?”

“Right.”

Automatically you furrowed your eyebrows. Something was bothering him. His voice was a tad bit too casual, a tad bit too relaxed. You had no idea what was up, but you would do everything in your power to make Kakashi open up to you.

“What’s wrong with you today?” you asked weakly. The question didn’t come easily, in fact you were almost scared. The unnamed anxiety rose in your stomach, pressured your lungs and made breathing hard. Closing your eyes, you bit your bottom lip and waited. Underneath your hands you felt how Kakashi’s muscles tensed and relaxed, coiled and rolled as he tried to decide what to say or if he should say anything at all. Then, finally, after long, cruel minutes he spoke, his hoarse voice even rougher and his hands shaking slightly when they touched yours, folded over his stomach. “It’s… strange. To be here again. In… In a good way.”

Weakly you squeezed his middle, urging him to continue.

Kakashi inhaled loudly. “I remember waking up in the middle of the night. A storm was brewing over us, lightning rolled over the sky. Back then, I was still scared of loud noises, so I sought out to my father. A light was on in his private rooms, like that I went in, thinking he was still awake. But he wasn’t.” He paused, only to mumble: “He wasn’t anymore.”

For a long time, no one said anything. You tried to convey your sympathy for him through your touches, knowing words wouldn’t be of any help. Kakashi was still staring blindly ahead at something he held in his free hand, trembling faintly under the pressure which built inside.

He shook his head and papers rustled. “The scent… Was the worst. He laid there for hours, the blood had time to sink in. Copper everywhere, copper in the air, copper on my tongue, copper in my lungs. Together with his piss and… other things… It was the worst. The worst a child could experience.” Finally, he turned in your arms, gently cupping your face. Despair shone out of his eyes, the headband lost somewhere around the house and sharingan swirling lazily as you looked up to him. “I don’t want to let my child see something like this,” he said, “never. I will protect it, I will be there for him or her, if it wants I will train it, I will do everything in my power to return from every single mission I have to go on, just because I can’t stand the thought of my child looking down at my dead body and seeing what I had to witness.”

“I understand,” you leaned in for a kiss, “and foremost: I will help you letting that come true. I will be there, by your side, kunai and shield. Like we promised. Because I also can’t stand the thought you have.”

A lopsided grin flashed over Kakashi’s face as his hands dropped to your stomach. “Our brat will be the most spoilt and protected brat in Konoha.”

“I already mentioned that.”

“I know. Just wanted to underline your more than truthful comment, my dear.”

“Then may I ask what brings you to think about such dark topics when we are just moving in here?”

Kakashi blinked, then sighed lowly. His warm breath fanned over your face, followed by a cooler breeze as he raised his until now invisible hand. A bunch of papers sneaked into your sight, filled of childish drawings of death and blood. More than once a body of a man with long, silver hair was pictured, lying on the ground and a big splash of red pooling around him, while a distinct smaller person with a mask was standing aside, apparently staring at the corpse.

You quickly shuffled through the drawings. With each one more melancholy assembled in your stomach, a heavy stone in the pit of your guts. Meanwhile you felt Kakashi’s eyes on your figure, trying to read you and figure out your reaction before you would even have the chance to react.

But he surely didn’t expect you to drop his depressing pictures, which showed how broken he had been as a child and how big his mental scars still were, when they affected him so bad. Papers fluttered around you to the ground, but you leaned into the man and slung your arms around his neck. “This will be a home for you again,” you whispered, “a home for you, a home for me, a home for our child. A home for our family. And we will both give our best and worst to make this work, because that’s how we are. You will bring me down when I have my head in the clouds again and I will cleanse your mind when you’re not feeling well. Together, alright? Kakashi, we’re in this together.”

His hands on your stomach tightened the tiniest bit. “Right. Together.”

“My little rascal.” Teasingly, you wiped one of his wild strands out of his wrinkled forehead. And again, just to straighten the still present wrinkles until Kakashi didn’t look like the sky would break down any moment. “We’re together, alright? I will be here, with you. And you will always come back to me and to our beloved child.”

“You already said that.”

You placed your hands on the curves of your hips, faking a pout just for Kakashi. “Excuse me that someone decided to have a little mental breakdown! I wanted to cheer you up, but if that isn’t sufficient, then I’ll-!”

Suddenly a laughter shook the silver haired man and before you realized what was going on, he buried his face in your shoulder, muffling his rolling laughter in your clothes and body.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered after some more seconds, “you’re goddamn amazing. I knew it from the very first evening you allowed a soaking wet cat in your flat, feed him and offered him a bed. And the knowledge how amazing you are only grew over the months, if now as a cat or a human. (Y/N), you’re the best person I’ve met until now.” His fingers softly caressed your flanks, slid between your bodies and came to a stop right on top of your rounded belly. “And this… This is everything I ever wanted. Maybe not under the same circumstances, though I wouldn’t change a thing right now. And even when my mind is sometimes… somewhere else, somewhere in the past, I know now you will always be there for me.”

Kakashi had mumbled those sweet nothings into your shoulder. Slowly he raised his head, both eyes closed and rested his forehead against yours, inhaling deeply when he felt how you breathed a small kiss to his masked lips. “I-I just want to say,” he stuttered, “I’ve ne-never wanted any-thing more in my li-life.” His eyes snapped open, soft and warm and gentle. Everything you loved about the man. “(Y/N),” he continued weakly, “I wanted to ask you f-fo-for a lo-long time. Would y-you-!”

“MY RIVAL!” Instantly Kakashi flinched away, a strange, tense anger radiating from him when Gai’s loud voice boomed through the whole house. “BE PREPARED FOR ANOTHER GLORIOUS CHALLENGE TO PROVE YOUR HIP AND YOUTHFUL SELF!”

“Are you fucking kidding…?” Kakashi growled. Agitated he roughed up his already wild hair and threw a partly despaired, partly amused glance at you before shaking in badly hidden aspiration his head. “Sorry, I have to go. Otherwise he will never shut his mouth.”

Giggling, you waved your boyfriend goodbye. “Just go, my little rascal. But be finished around 2 p.m., alright? I want to unpack our clothes and nick-nacks for the bedroom and no one else needs to know how many naughty toys you hid underneath your bed.”

The enormous blush rising on his cheeks and coloring his entire face was worth the unsatisfied curiosity about the question he had wanted to ask you so desperately.

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Being pregnant had been fun. It had brought pleasure, eating binges, resources to tease your friends and boyfriend, more time with Kakashi than you ever dreamed of and a whole new place to live in. Not only physically. Sure, after almost four months of moving into the Hatake compound, decorating it and making it into your own house and home, however also you and Kakashi grew closer. Especially Kakashi made huge improvements.

He tried so hard to be more open with you. When he woke up from a nightmare, he woke you up too and told you about it, needing some sleepy hugs and depending on them to find back to some merciful rest. When he bought some new furniture for your child, Kakashi first talked with you, not purchased another plush or another onesie or brightly colored toy on a whim. Together you had selected a warm green to color the walls of the child’s room in, together you had picked out playful carpets in red, dark green and brown to decorate the room with, together you had moved the bed and shelves around, finding the perfect spot to place them.

And not only that. He was there, with you, not absent like before. Tsunade still sent him on important missions and you would never stop him from serving the village he loved, but his injuries were now reduced to the absolute minimum. Kakashi’s reckless behavior was toned down, a circumstance you were incredibly grateful for.

When Kakashi was home, his caring behavior was almost overbearing. Whenever you tried to move your heavily pregnant body around, he was instantly there, helping you getting up and walking by your side. When a massive back pain plagued you, Kakashi would give you a massage, leaving you moaning in satisfaction at every worked-out kink and strain. He cooked you every meal you desired and more than once also some weird creations he had no name for, just because you lusted after some steak with cheesy sauce or whatever came to your mind. If you wanted to cuddle with him, Kakashi complied happily, often sought you more out than the other way around, spooning your body and stroking softly over your rounded stomach.

Kakashi cooed to your belly when he thought you were asleep. Low murmurs and whispers were constant accompanies when you napped and the man was close by, telling about his day or what wishes he had for the future, descriptions of the cozy house and the garden, stories about Gai and the latest challenge they had. In short, simply everything he could come up with. Once you even caught him lowly singing to your stomach, stroking all the while over the massive bulge.

He loved the baby. Kakashi loved the life growing inside your belly already, without ever seeing it or even hearing how it would sound. Alone the picture of him, looking at your stomach with a little, knowing smile on his uncovered lips, like he and the baby shared a secret you had no idea of, was almost too much for your heart.

Yes, the pregnancy had been fun and relatively easy-going. Until the dreaded day came. The day Kakashi feared and looked forward too, the day you didn’t want to think about at all costs.

It was a late afternoon. Rain drummed gently against the windows of the living room, a fire was whispering in the fire place and occasionally a strong wind would howl around the house. The last days of a windy and stormy spring were passing by. You were sitting in a single armchair, a light blanket thrown over your legs and in your hands a by now lukewarm green tea. A pair of comfy shoes adorned your constantly cold feet, not that you would see them. Nine months went by faster than a blink and by now your round and large stomach hid your feet from you.

Kakashi stuck his head out of the open kitchen, one of his simple, blue aprons slung around his body. “How are you feeling?”

“Not bad, not bad.” A hand on top of your stomach, you toasted to your boyfriend. He smiled at the gesture. “Could be better, actually.”

When Kakashi walked over, a whiff of dinner came with him. Cheese, chicken and vegetables. Carrots and tomatoes, if you weren’t too far off. “How come?”

“It’s just… I don’t know. He is lively today.” Like an answer, the baby kicked against your hand and only barely you managed to suppress a groan. “He’s a strong one.”

Kakashi kneeled down, directly in front of you. While he placed his own hand on top of your own, his eyes sought yours and locked, creasing slightly in a little smile. “You believe it will be a boy?”

You shrugged. “I mean, it also could be a girl. Measured at the stubbornness it shows, it’s even highly possible. But I would like to have a little boy.”

“With my hair and eyes?”

At his sarcastic undertone you raised both eyebrows. “Yes, your hair and your eyes,” helplessly you gestured him to move over and kissed Kakashi on the masked cheek, “because I love those two special features about you.”

When you leaned back, another cramp wandered through your lower stomach, but you masked the pain with a little cough. He saw what you were trying to do, noticed more than he should, like always.

“You’re hurting.” Kakashi said. Worried he let both of his hands slide over your stomach, checking for anything unusual and down your sides, until you stopped him with a nonchalant hum.

“It’s nothing.” At his disbelieving glance, you laughed quietly. “Really. I said so, the baby is lively and stretches a little bit. No worries.”

“You know that the due date was three days ago, right?”

A grimace came to life on your face. Right. The other thing Kakashi could worry over. The due date Tsunade estimated really had been a few days ago and since then the man was even more obnoxious with his care and questions about your state. Every stretch of the baby was over-interpreted, every little kick or hit a possible sign for Kakashi that the birth was just around the corner.

Like that, you hadn’t told him about the constant up and downs of pain-waves since this morning. Sometimes they subsided, sometimes they returned and sometimes like right now you even were able to completely ignore them, until a sudden movement made the cramps and strains reappear.

“My dear…” The warning tone in Kakashi’s tone made you cringe inwardly. Ashamed you glanced upwards, peeking through your eyelashes and hoping the scolding wouldn’t be too harsh. Kakashi used his most irritated rascal-look: the one he always had used when you tried to search for flees in his spotless fur. Full of annoyed acceptance, this time though there was a hint of righteous anger mixed into it. “Since when are you in pain?”

You mumbled under your breath and tugged your blanket higher.

His look hardened. “Since when (Y/N)?”

“…Morning.”

“Morning?” His hands clenched the fabric of the armrests. “Since this morning?”

“Yes.”

“And since when you leak onto your favorite seat in our house?”

What? Confused you looked down and really, there was an ugly dark spot on the soft dark-red material, right where your legs were. You moved and the squishy feeling of liquids seeping fully into your clothes let you grimace.

“That’s new.” you mumbled ashamed.

For a few more moments, Kakashi grit his teeth. His whole body was rigid, trembling slightly while he planned his next steps with the care of a true tactician. When he abruptly stood up, you flinched in surprise, too occupied with cupping your stomach than realizing what his commands were.

“We’re going to the hospital.”

You cocked your head. “Huh?”

Kakashi shook his head, all the while untying the knot in his back. The apron landed in a little pile right in front of the fire place and you stared at the rough fabric like your life depended on it. Then you glanced back at him, how the man walked away from you. “Kakashi, what do you mean?”

Your boyfriend was already in the hallway of the entrance area. You could hear rummaging and shuffles of his feet, also the opening and closing of the wardrobe. “I’m saying we’re going to the hospital.”

“I think I smell something burnt…”

“Doesn’t matter.” Brash steps, then he returned, a small bag in his hands and stuffing a few more things inside. Clothes, a pair of shoes, a light morning coat. “Hospital. Now.” Despite his hastiness, Kakashi offered you a hand when you tried to stand up, supporting you even when you started to walk into the direction of the entrance door. On the way he also performed a small water-jutsu, putting out the fire in the fire place.

Another cramp hit you, stronger than the ones before. A little grunt escaped and in reassurance, Kakashi squeezed your hand. “I hope it is what it is…” he mumbled, too loud to hide the obvious fear and happiness from you, “I really wish it is what I hope it is.”

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“Well…” With a smug smile Tsunade walked into your vision. “It seems like your little brat decided it’s time to pop out, huh?”

You would’ve given her a more or less polite answer, if you weren’t occupied to suppress more spasms or screams, caused by the by now immense waves of pain washing over you. Instead you threw a hateful glance at her, what caused the blonde Hokage to giggle louder than before and concentrated again on breathing.

In and out. In and out. Slowly… In and out.

Surprisingly it was hard to concentrate on a regular breathing rhythm when it felt like someone had fun feeding your lower body into a press. Tsunade’s teases weren’t helping either. At least Kakashi’s tries, consisting of offering his right and weaker hand to your death-grip, were at least partly successful in calming your strained nerves down.

Until now, he hadn’t winced under the strength you used every time the pain became almost unbearable. Nor had he complained in any form, if now jerking backwards, flinching or even loosening a tiny bit the grip of his hand. Kakashi sat obediently by your side, not caring your doubled strength was on a good way to simply pulverize the bones in his hand. Watching, caring and whispering soothing sweet nothings into your ear whenever you needed it the most.

Like now. Unaware of your surroundings, you squeaked out when suddenly his mouth nibbled through the fabric of his mask at the shell of your ear, breathing meaningful words out. “You can do it, my dear. You can do everything. You’re amazing, a miracle, the most beautiful being I ever saw, someone I look up to. I’m here, with you.”

You nodded, unable to form words. Another clash of pain and your back arched upwards, while a whimper escaped your tightly pressed together lips.

Desperate Kakashi turned to Tsunade. “Can’t we give her some painkillers?” he asked. His worried voice cut through the mist of pain like a knife, crystal clear for you to recognize.

“No.” Tsunade’s words in comparison were almost non-existent, blurry and hazy in your daze. “It’s too late. They wouldn’t help her anymore. She has to go through the rests of labor and birth without them.”

“But…”

“I’m the doctor and experienced far more births than you have, kiddo. No shut up and stay by her side. Your presence is everything of a painkiller (Y/N) has.”

A door was opened and closed, hasty steps came closer. The soft voice of a girl flew through the air, uncertain and painfully nervous. “Tsunade-shishou, I brought everything you wanted. Should I go or…?”

The blonde laughed quietly. “If your former sensei allows it, you can stay.”

“…Fine.”

“Forgive him Sakura, he’s stressed. Like every father-to-be.”

“Thank you, Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade-shishou. I won’t disappoint.”

“You won’t. As my student, you gained a lot of knowledge and I depend on your help for this birth. Is that understood?”

“H-hai, Tsunade-shishou! Thank you very much!”

Another groan fell from your lips, followed by more deep in- and exhales.

In and out, in and out, in and out you stupid, fucking-!

A hand stroked softly over your sweat-stained forehead. “Ssh. I’m with you, alright? (Y/N), do you hear me?”

Just when you wanted to answer, the next wave rolled over you. Surprised by the sheer force, you screamed. The waves came faster now, rolling like the incoming tide in and out of your lower body. Riding your mind and frame, bringing you up and down, higher than the clouds and deeper than the stones itself. You shuddered violently, more mumbling than anything else, realizing the people around you were talking, but only snippets of sentences made the long way to your brain.

“…hurts her, we have to-!”

“Not safe-!”

“I don’t care, she’s dying!”

“…don’t be overdramatic…”

Enough. It was enough. You whined weakly, ridded by the always present lava burning a path through your stomach. “Kakashi…”

His hand squeezed yours. “I’m with you.”

“Hurts…”

“Not for long. It can start any minute now.”

His lips were pressed to your forehead. Even though your eyes were closed, you could sense his nervousness, the faint tremble of his hand, the sweat collecting in his palm. Kakashi was utterly horrified. You would’ve never thought you would be the reason for the man to finally lose his precious composure, but here he was, not caring about the presence of a former student and his Hokage, gently wiping your sweaty hair out of your face and holding your hand, all the while whispering more and more encouragements into your ears. “You’re doing great. Not that much longer, do you remember? We read the book about birth together, soon you have to push… Then our beautiful daughter will be born and she’s going to look exactly like you, I know… A baby girl, another (Y/N) running around and bewitching the people. You’re doing fantastic, just stay calm and breathe for me, can you do that?”

You nodded hastily.

“Okay. Okay.” His rough voice was trembling too. “Then breathe. In and out. With me, alright? In…. Out…”

In and out. Yes. I can do that.

“Remember. When you feel the urge to push, don’t fight it.”

Shaking your head, you breathed loudly in, held the breath and pushed it out.

“Good. You’re doing so good, my dear.”

Whimpering out, you rode the next wave of pain, guided by more hushed whispers and gentle touches. Was it only your imagination or did they come more regularly now?

“The contractions stabilize.” Tsunade said. Shuffles around your already spread legs and when her warmed-up hands cautiously tapped against your calf, the legendary medic ninja was ready to help you through your birth, if you wanted her help or not. “Sakura, bring me some warm and sanitized cloths. Get some charts and the official documents for birth and registration too. And where is my sake, goddammit!?”

Just when you were about to politely object to her unhealthy habit, another wave of pain crashed into your mind. You grit your teeth, words jumbling around on your tongue, until you spat out: “For fuck’s sake, I will fucking kill you if you dare to even look at A STUPID BOTTLE OF SAKE, you old, fucking hag!”

Terrified silence, only interrupted by your gasps and pained exhales. Then…

Tsunade leaned backwards and sighed out. “Can’t you be a little bit creative? I mean, old hag? The blond dwarf called me that at our first encounter. And I got called worse in the various births I assisted in.”

Before you could start to truly curse her out, an unidentified feeling rising and lowering into your lower body made you forget about possible ways to keep the sake away from the blonde. Like a lifeline you clutched to Kakashi’s hand, whimpering and groaning, not knowing what to do and so utterly scared you actually cried out when Kakashi tried to loosen for the first time his grip around your hand.

“I’m not going away, my dear,” using his other hand, Kakashi pried your fingers open, one by one, “I just need to sacrifice my other hand to your strength.” And really, only seconds later your blindly searching appendage found another hand, just as warm and just as big as the previous one. Just as reassuring and so wonderfully familiar you sighed out in relief.

The little exchange was everything you remembered from that time. From there on, it was only pain, screams of pushing and breathing and Kakashi’s presence by your side. Not even his words stuck to your brain, only his mere rough voice resounded deep inside, calming you despite the terrifying situation.

You followed the instructions, detached and deaf to other things, pushed when they asked you to and breathed when they told you. Sometimes there was a soft and small hand wiping away some sweat of your forehead, but otherwise…

Nothing.

Then, after hours or maybe minutes, maybe even whole days, Tsunade’s sharp voice cut through the mist of confusion and pain.

“Alright, only two more times. I can see the head.”

Aaaah. That was the growing pressure on your lower stomach.

“You can do it.” Kakashi sounded the tiniest bit excited. “Only a few more times, only a little bit more.”

And so you did. Whimpering in pain, you pushed, pushed and rested for a few seconds, waiting for another command. Tsunade said something to Sakura, who hurriedly arranged some white, soft cloths in her arms, before looking at you with a small, earnest smile. “Alright. One more time. One more time (Y/N). Can you hear me?”

Unable to form words, you nodded.

The Hokage’s smile widened a fraction. “Good. Then do it. Push. Come on, push!”

Another daze fell over your vision. Maybe you even blacked out for a second. The next thing you saw was Kakashi’s masked face, filling out the field of your vision with worry and hasty movements. “You did it,” he whispered proudly, “you wonderful, crazy, amazing person.”

“Is it…” You breathed in. “Is he…?”

A chuckle disturbed the rather intimate moment between you and your boyfriend. Tsunade, the omnipresent pain in your neck. She held your baby in her arms, but instantly stepped closer as soon as she noticed your angered expression. “It’s a little girl.” she added.

A girl. Kakashi was right.

Didn’t matter. Eagerly you reached out to the bundle which weakly moved in Tsunade’s arms, whining a little bit. You wanted to see her, you wanted to look into her cute little face and see what she looked like-! Without further ado, the older woman placed with a gentleness you hadn’t expected your child in your arms.

Oh. Oooooh. The moment you held her, a warmth unknown to you clogged your throat. Speechless you watched how you automatically cradled the small human, carefully supporting her head and looking for the first time at the life you had created.

For others, the small potato nose would be disturbing. For others, the chubby cheeks would be a little bit too chubby. For others, the closed eyes would be too big, the small patch of dark hair on her head would be too fuzzy, the thin, rosy lips would be too thin.

To you, she was simply perfect.

“Kakashi. Look.” Helplessly smiling, you glanced at the paralyzed man by your side. “She’s so…”

“Beautiful.” He touched with trembling fingers her small hands, the unbearable tiny fingers instantly closing around his index finger. Kakashi blinked hectically, then rubbed with the back of his other hand over his eyes. “She’s just as beautiful as you.”

“Are you crying?”

“No. Just... Got something in my eye.”

“Sure.”

Tsunade coughed. “Alright kiddos. As lovely as it is, we need a name to fill out the boring paperwork.” By her side, Sakura had a pen ready, waiting and glancing from time to time with rosy cheeks at your daughter. When you caught her, she flushed even more and quickly looked again at the clipboard.

Months before you had a lengthy discussion about that particular topic. It wasn’t even a real discussion, just a small talk about what names floated through your heads at the time.

“Rin.” you said. Kakashi closed his eyes and only you saw the small tear dropping from his right eye. “Her name will be Rin.”

“Just as good as another.” Tsunade gestured to Sakura, who instantly scribbled the name of the newborn down. “And her family name?”

“Uuuh…” You didn’t talk about that topic. You stared at Kakashi. He stared back, just as helpless as you. Her family name. Indeed. Hatake or (L/N)? In all the chaos and hopeful preparations, that little detail completely went over your head. In all its destructive nature. It just hadn’t been an urgent matter, between baby clothing and moving preparations. Like that, it slipped from your mind and apparently also from Kakashi’s.

When you two continued to stare at each other in stunned silence, Rin moving in your arms and mewling like a small cat, Tsunade threw in good-natured annoyance her arms in the air. “Really? Two shinobi of mine and both too dumb to think about marriage!”

Just when the blonde woman said that, a steely glint came to life in Kakashi’s eyes. You watched how he glanced at the two present women and nodded at the door.

“Five minutes. Please.” he added after Tsunade glared at him.

In the back of your mind, you were aware both of them left relatively quietly, considering their natural peskiness. But most of your attention was on Kakashi, who sat down by your side, one hand still holding onto Rin, the other fumbling in the inside of his vest, searching for something small in there.

You attempted to smile, but somehow you had the distinct feeling it came out as a little grimace. “Kakashi?” Even your own voice displayed clearly how flabbergasted you were. “You’re… you’re not taking her serious. Right? I mean, we don’t have to, it’s optional and having a daughter is already a huge commitment-!”

“Right.” Kakashi’s eyes creased in a meaningful grin. “You’re absolutely right. A child,” his features softened when he laid his eyes upon his daughter, “is a huge commitment. In comparison a marriage has a little bit less weight.”

“But-!”

“No buts, not this time. What I want to say is… I already thought about it,” on cue Kakashi tugged a small casket out of the depths of his vest, “and that was even before Rin was on the way. The… the reason why I kept away when I was a cat was simple, yet inexcusable. I wanted to really think about us, about the possibility of marriage and when I came to a conclusion… Well…” He raised the casket higher.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. Unconsciously you cradled Rin harder, what caused the newborn to mewl in protest out. With a soft “Sorry,” you loosened your hold yet again and stroked over her still a bit wet cheek, before daring to meet Kakashi’s eyes. “You want to say you kept away because you were thinking about marriage?”

“And buying this ring. With the help of Gai, of course.”

You chuckled. “Right. A cat can’t go into a shop and demand to see a selection of their engagement rings.”

His chuckle joined yours. “Indeed. Even though a lot of people tried to take them away from him whenever he tried to show them to me.”

“I see.” But your attention was swallowed by the casket. Kakashi’s long fingers played with the edges, nearly opened it, only to let it snap close when a hint of black velvet was revealed. “So….” You dragged the word longer than necessary. “Care for an exchange? A beautiful, little bundle of joy for a ring?”

This time, the silver haired man was freely laughing. “She’s only a few minutes old,” he joked, “and you already try to exchange her for a mere ring? God, what a cruel, cold-hearted woman you are. If I would’ve known…”

“Now it’s too late.” Carefully you raised Rin a little bit towards Kakashi, who glanced at his daughter with the sudden realization standing in his face how small she actually was, “And? What do you say? A baby for a ring?”

“You’re… You’re saying yes?”

With a soft laugh you gestured the man to lean down. When his face was close enough, you quickly pulled his mask down and pressed a kiss to his exposed mouth. Your hand rested at his jaw when you retreated slightly, your breath fanning over Kakashi’s lips as you answered. “That you still have to ask is ridiculous, my rascal.”

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Night fell over Konoha hours ago. A storm rattled at the windows of the hospital room Kakashi sat in, but he didn’t mind at all. Together with his fiancée, he laid in the wide hospital bed, a pillow in his back and watching out for any danger. Some of his trained instincts were hard to kill and especially today the former ANBU felt the need to stay awake and watch over his family. Especially while he held his daughter for the first time, one of her small hands wrapped around one of his fingers, her grip so light and still so strong around his heart.

His family. His small, yet perfect family.

The wonderful warmth filled his chest as he gazed down at the woman who did so much for him. Right now, she was sleeping, exhausted from the miracle she gave birth to. Even now, sweaty and with deep, black circles underneath her eyes she was probably the most beautiful person he ever laid his eyes on. Curled up against him, one hand thrown over his lap and her head on a pillow next to Kakashi, she snored slightly and he watched over her like he had watched for so many days when she didn’t allow him to enter her flat.

His thoughts drifted to the break they took and the warmth in Kakashi’s chest died down. With a sigh he leaned back into the cushions, always aware of every movement and sound both of his family members made. (Y/N) was everything, patient, understanding and still. And he nearly managed to destroy their relationship by being uselessly distrusting. Ignoring her needs and wishes, thinking she would be better off without him and waiting for an opportunity to say: See? What did I tell you?

For so long he had seen himself as a monster, as someone not worthy of love, that the sudden close connection he had with her scared the hell out of him. Not in a negative way. But what if he screwed up? What if an enemy found out about his weakness and decided to attack her when he wasn’t present to protect (Y/N)? What if one of his long missions was finally too long for her and she gave her heart to someone else? Someone who deserved it more?

When Kakashi saw her and Gin, the other male hugging her intimately… He had lost it. Even though he told himself so many times (Y/N) would be better off without him. In that moment he realized, no matter how many times he tried to tell himself, he didn’t want to be left alone again. He didn’t want this to be his reality. The fearless copy ninja of Konoha actually feared something now. To be left alone in the dark by the same person who dragged him into the light.

And then the ugly fight. Even today, after almost seven love-filled months Kakashi still blushed at the stupid hissy fit he threw. Because that’s what he had been, stupid and filled to the brim with guilt and hate for himself. Gently he raised the hand he injured back then and kissed her soft finger tips, lacing their hands together when a cute little grump floated through the air.

How stupid could someone be to willingly destroy something so grounding? Incredibly, Kakashi mused, and glanced at his peacefully sleeping daughter. Thankfully (Y/N) set him straight and thankfully they both forgot the importance of protection. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to hold this little miracle in his arms, warm, alive and nibbling in her sleep at his vest.

Rin. His Rin, named after his long dead teammate. When Kakashi had brought up the name, (Y/N) didn’t even think long about it.

“What did you exactly say…?” Carefully the male wiggled in the bed, trying to find a slightly better spot to sit in. “Wasn’t it something like: thank god, I didn’t have one good idea…?”

Rin. Right after her birth he wasn’t able to tell, but with the silvery light of the moon shining outside, Kakashi nearly believed his daughter inherited the typical silver hair of the Hatake’s. How fitting she would wear his family name. Just like (Y/N), who agreed in her typical, teasing way to his more than rushed proposal.

With a little, happy smile on his face, Kakashi allowed his tense body to relax a little bit. The cushions were really soft for a hospital bed, when he was in here, they were a lot more itchy and stiff…

His chin touched his chest as his thoughts drowned in the sea of a long day. But still in his sleep, the once lonely man held tightly onto his daughter and to the hand of his soon-to-be wife, the simple golden ring on her ring finger glistening under the moonlight.

He wouldn’t be alone anymore.

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“Mom?” Rin looked up from her breakfast, a droplet of golden syrup clinging to her chin. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead kitten.” Absent-mindedly you wiped the blotch away and ruffled in passing by through her silver, shoulder-length hair. The next to receive your attention was Kakashi, who smiled fondly at his “favorite daughter”. Whenever he said that, the six-year-old would exclaim she was the only daughter he had, what he would counter with a laugh and a long hug.

You leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, already in a hurry. Ibiki wanted you to interrogate two new prisoners and there was still a lot of paperwork to do in the T&I. But for a quick question of your firstborn was always some time left.

Her black eyes creased in a light smile, so incredibly similar to her father. “Actually, I have two questions.”

Kakashi cocked his head. His usual apron was bound around his middle, a small bowl of baby food in his left hand and a small spoon in his other. “As your mother said,” he said and tried to feed Obito, your two-year-old son and baby brother of Rin, “go ahead.”

Rin’s smile grew wider. “How did you and mom meet? And why are you calling me “kitten”?”

Two things happened. First, Kakashi froze and paled, the spoon with the baby food mid-air between Obito’s babbling mouth and his own body. Second, you broke into a little, hysterical giggle, nearly spitting out your black tea when you saw how confused Rin grew at your attics.

“What’s so funny?” she asked. The serious worry in her voice made you only laugh harder, bending over and gasping for air, while Kakashi slowly lowered the spoon back into the bowl, his black eyes fixed on his shoes like they were the most interesting thing in the whole world. Not what you expected of the sixth Hokage of the famous Leaf village, but you already knew beforehand how strange and socially awkward he could be.

“I guess I still have time that,” you said between two waves of laughter, sat down beside Rin and carefully placed your cup on the wooden table, “Alright, my oh so curious kitten… Once, I lived in another building and your father was my neighbor. We didn’t talk to each other, until one fateful day, a cat sat in front of our apartment complex…”