fart jokes
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*paaaarp*
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Put a bird on it and call it art by whetherwoman for Aishuu
Fandoms: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
24 Dec 2013
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“Is that an episode of Portlandia?” Skye blurted.
“Just background research,” Coulson said with dignity. “I encourage you all to do a little research of your own before we land. We want to make sure we’re correctly identifying any alien occurrences, not targeting any normal activity.”
“Sir, with all respect,” Simmons said, “from what I know about Portland, the activity in these videos seems rather like typical behavior. Is there other information that requires SHIELD’s involvement?”
“Yes, actually,” Coulson said, and shut all the visuals with a swipe. “An old friend gave us a call.”
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Just a little something from the world of “How to Get Over a Guy”, because I love writing dialogue for Lommy and Arya, who are BFFs.
And also, fart jokes.Mod-AU.
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- Part 2 of I Got 99 Problems, Being Rich Ain't One.
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COMMENTS: How to scare away pesky people in one easy lesson. Shunsui knows this trick all too well. Nanao’s an unwilling accomplice.
IDK man, this story was bugging me for the past couple of days. So here it is.
DISCLAIMER: Bleach and all it’s characters are owned by Tite Kubo. Unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine alone.
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Sam and Dean discover a useful, little, magical artifact. No one is forcing them to do anything. No one is going to die if they don't. They don't even feel a strange compulsion. But… it would be really helpful if they powered up the magical stone… and… all they have to do is kiss.
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Set immediately after the events of Blood Must Have Blood (part 2), Clarke takes off on her own, and is led by her feet and her conscience, back to Mount Weather.
But Clarke is not the only one who has to deal with the consequences of sacrificing the Mountain Men for their own survival. Bellamy leads The Delinquents back to the mountain, to become their own people and be in charge of their own destiny.
They come to grips with death, so they can start living again.
Series
- Part 1 of Mount Vie
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From My Hands (Into Your Mouth) by lola381pce, RainGirl696
Fandoms: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Young Avengers
29 Jan 2016
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It had been over a year since Phil found out he had gotten (and given) a blow job from his best friend’s son.
“Marcus?”
“Cheese!”
Silence.
Phil sighed. “You phoned me.”
Fury chuckled. “Just fucking with you. Man! You sound stressed. I think you need to find ‘Hickey Boy’ and get laid again.”
Seriously?! Why was this his life?
“Marcus. I’m trying to run a business here. A multi-million dollar business that you have shares in.”
“Bull-shit. You were just sitting there with your hand on your cock, dreamin’ about ‘Hickey Boy’.”
Series
- Part 2 of Who's Your Daddy? (That little Shit)
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There's a new trend in the Haus, and it involves a sense of humor that Eric Richard Bittle will not tolerate.
AKA the one where everyone won't stop making fart jokes.
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After endless amounts of trauma and ignoring each other, Jasper and Lapis spend some time at Beta. With the Peanut Gallery shouting encouragement.
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Salt: Movement 03 (New World. There's a new world coming; this one's coming to an End.) by orphan_account
Fandoms: One Piece
25 Apr 2019
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Love is a shambling thing, gray-faced and gasping. It moves in from the west, the setting sun behind it. Those who see it avert their eyes. Love does not eat or drink, love separates its many teeth and consumes. Love is a shambling thing, grey-faced and gasping. -Let’s not dwell on our corpse strewn past. Let’s celebrate our corpse strewn future!
Expect: Sex. Romance. Freedom. Violence. Mystery. Intrigue. Embarrassment. Candy. Vapors. Swords (and other weaponry). Blood. Fire. Consequences. Black Humor. Kink-shaming fine art. Beauty. Elegant and finely crafted links. Music. Mercy. Reconciliation. Murk. Mire. Liars. Truth. Magic. God. Miracles. Monsters. Cold hard science. Dick jokes. Vaj jokes. Even more fart jokes. Drugs. Politics. Revolution. Love. The glorious war of sibling affection. Ghosts. In this Family, we bury our secrets and our relatives alive. Speak, or eat your heart raw and flush with blood. Wolves. Winter. Demons. Hell. Freedom. Beauty. Truth. Love.
The secret to a long life lies in how acutely you perceive Time; and if you're afraid of the dark, which can't be seen through, don't be. Most of the truly frightening things are too small to be seen or inside your body already.
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- Part 3 of Salt: The Story
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Sam's point of view as he and Dean go on a hunt at a Florida movie theater where a person has died at every Saturday matinee for a month. They are short on clues leaving them an excessive amount of time to watch movies and drink booze and there's nothing to distract Sam from his increasingly inappropriate thoughts about his brother.
(Per the prompt, this fic contains spilled popcorn and Winchesters clinging together watching a scary movie. As a bonus, this fic also contains Winchesters in various stages of dress and undress in the Florida heat. "Your un-flannelled Kansas ass needs sunscreen.")
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Mandatory Shore Leave by Lemon (lemon_sprinkles) for rego-mem
Fandoms: Mass Effect Trilogy
05 Sep 2017
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Fighting a war makes it difficult to carve out a bit of time to relax and unwind. But when Admiral Hackett orders the Normandy to dock for some much needed shore leave, Kaidan and Shepard take full advantage of their time alone. Too bad things don't go quite as smoothly as they had both hoped.
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Like an Island, Just Me and You by Fangirl_on_a_bicycle
Fandoms: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
10 Dec 2017
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Lapis is in the habit of smoking weed after work with her coworker Amethyst, which can be difficult sometimes when you have a crush on said coworker.
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Collection of original drabbles from the sebacielthangs tumblr.
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I Could Do This All Day by orphan_account
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Avengers, Captain America (Movies), civil war - Fandom, I Could Do This All Day - Fandom
02 Aug 2018
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Tony Stark is a evul bad guy who wants to enslave the Avengers with the Soklovioff Accords!!! But will a heroic star spanked Captain rice to save the day?? Or will the Iron fist rule eternal??!!??!@
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Millennium shenanigans. Dok just wants to do his research, but the kids are fighting... about farts.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 457
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 19
- Hits:
- 302
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Jaune is sick of Yang always calling him vomit boy! But yang calls him that aspeshualy because he vomited on her shoes ( and it’s a lot of fun to tease). Time to get revenge.
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Short fic inspired by Mai's appearance in Dead or Alive 5: Last Round. One morning, while sparring with her husband, Mai demonstrates one of her clan's more... colorful special moves, though Andy is pretty sure Mai just farted on him. WARNING: Contains crude, juvenile humor.
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Very short, very silly fic that takes place at some point after my fic "Silent But Deadly." Turns out there IS something that can make an attention whore like Mai leave her adoring fans to go seek solitude. Rated T for extremely infantile humor. You've been warned.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,198
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 1
- Hits:
- 246
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Divine Misconceptions by jessthereckless
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
04 Nov 2019
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After the apocalypse that wasn't, Crowley and Aziraphale always knew that sooner or later Heaven, Hell or both of them would come after them.
So when the Archangel Michael comes sniffing around the pair, it's not exactly a surprise. It's just that the timing couldn't be worse, because she catches them at a moment when Aziraphale's frustrated creative impulses appear to have plunged them into their most ridiculous predicament yet.
Resurrections, misconceptions, startled Satanic nuns, eldritch abominations and vacuum cleaner abuse - it's all going on and it's about to get messy, gassy and prone to disastrous decision making. And that's just Crowley.
Series
- Part 5 of It's Not The End Of The World, Dear
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“Come on, Gavin!” Michael rose his voice. “Tell us what he’s like in-house!”
“Yeah, does he do anything weird?” Ray asked.
“Does he have a closet with strange locks that he won’t tell you about?” Michael adds to the nonsensical questions.
“Fine.” Gavin turns in his chair to face the other Lads. “I will tell you one thing.”