Chapter Text
He carefully bandaged Yoongi's hands, trying his best not to irritate the torn skins around the knuckles. The two remain silent - all that needs to be said, has already been exposed. Now all that is left is to deal with the consequences.
He watches Yoongi lighting out a cigarette, the smoke dancing through the air almost artistically – leaving the older mouth in dense form, only to dissolve and finally fading away, he wishes his worries would do the same thing – just vanish right before his eyes.
Jimin can’t sleep the rest of the night. In the midst of his apathy with himself and his disappointment with Jeongguk, he feels like crying again, but his eyes refuse to cooperate with his feelings - as if they had begun a riot against Jimin's will.
At this point, Jimin is already beyond the denial phase. The experience with the discomfort between his ribs making him able to skip some phases. Of all the things he could be competent in, he was designated to always be let down.
Yoongi insists on him going to bed, and Jimin laughs with the irony. It is usually the other way around, with him telling the older boy to stop being stubborn and go rest.
He watches the city go to sleep and wake up, some souls, like his, still wander stubbornly through the streets. From afar, he hears laughter and metallic sounds. He assumes that countless things are happening at the same time, people are laughing, others are crying, someone in a few blocks away from there must be crossing the street, a tired bus driver wants to go home, a woman at the convenience store is buying an espresso - time doesn’t stop for any of them. And Jimin listens to everything.
To match his mood, the morning is gray. The room is cold and now that Yoongi is sleeping, the malaise and the anger come back together, determined to make him feel bad. The cell phone is on the opposite side of the sofa, keeps shining - indicating there are new messages, but Jimin ignores it, too busy staring at the opposite wall.
The extra blanket that Yoongi put before leaving leaves comfort and warmth, but Jimin wants to feel the cold against his body. Want the feeling of having his face frozen, totally numb if that means his thoughts are going to be stopped.
His mind continues with insubordination, requiring him to review everything he has done, and he does just that - he joins all his decisions he has made so far and crucifies himself. He feels furious for not having noticed the signs for a bad end and even now that everything has been exposed, he still can’t believe he hasn’t seen it before.
He is feeling so much and nothing at the same time. It's like he's on fire and drowning at the same time. He does not know what emotion he should feel first, but the sense of deja vu makes him lost, as if he were remembering something he should not have forgotten, and the guilt is overwhelming and demands to be felt.
The morning comes peaceful and indifferent, rays of light cutting the sky and announcing the continuation of the infinite circle of life.
He does not notice Yoongi entering the room, but he is grateful for the depreciation pause button that the boy intentionally presses. "Minie?" Is so soft that Jimin swears that Yoongi sent the phrase into the calm breeze through the balcony door.
"Uh?" He responds, not looking at the boy - now that the crisis has passed all he feels is shame.
"Do you want me to stay with you today?" Yoongi offers and Jimin gets, even more, remorse for the burden he has placed on the boy's back.
Jimin knows that if he asked, Yoongi would drop everything and stay with him. But the idea of messing up his routine and disturbs him in any way causes an immense discomfort to Jimin. He knows he's already done enough damage to the elder - the purple, blue, and green mark on the boy's face, indicating what he went through for him. And he can't afford to put Yoongi within his own sabotage.
"I don’t want to disturb you," is all he says - but he knows Yoongi understands – that he can always read his mind, because he hears Yoongi approach with light steps before he crouches down, forcing Jimin to make eye contact.
"Not even on purpose you can bother me" Yoongi replies and is so gentle, so full of understanding that if it weren’t for the reluctance of Jimin's eyes, he was sure he would cry again.
And he desperately wants to accept the proposal. But Yoongi already protected him enough. He feels so immature in front of the boy, like a hundred years had separated them - which every single one, Jimin was unable to learn from his own mistakes. Jimin can’t stand being alone and this is part of the problem, he knows he can’t rush back to Yoongi every time he scratches his knee with a fall.
"I think I need to be alone Hyung"
Yoongi looks at him for a few moments, as if Jimin is a puzzle that he can’t find the last piece - condemned to an unrelenting search. Finally, when he hears all the unspoken words by Jimin, he doesn’t insist or tries to argue. Yoongi simply wraps Jimin's body with the blanket and informs him that he will pick up the store manager's number on his phone to warn that Jimin can’t go to work.
"If you want I can call Wheein to change shifts with you this weekend" He also offers and Jimin agrees.
When Yoongi leaves, he takes all comfort with him. The emptiness of the room echoes the cataclysm of emotions. Jimin doesn’t understand how he feels so bad about something that is not concrete, that he can’t touch or see. He is sitting on the couch with his knees against his chest, thinking if he shrinks himself; the sadness is not gonna to occupy too much space.
He is so lost in his thoughts that he didn't sense his nails digging into the exposed skin of his feet, only when the feeling becomes too uncomfortable does he realize that the skin is irritated with the treatment.
The only sound that cuts the room is when, eventually, his stomach demands attention. He uses hunger as an excuse to dodge the problem at hand and walks into the kitchen. The room is on a new level of disorganization, which he knows from experience that is not because of lack of responsibility, but because of time. Yoongi has to take care of so many things at the same time, that sometimes he has to prioritize one over another. And the remorse of making the older boy deal with him comes back to Jimin's body again.
In a spare space above the sink there is a flashy piece of green paper on which is written, in big, hideous letters 'Eat' referring to the cup of tea and the package of bread. He ends up eating reluctantly, losing focus many times during the action.
He is cleaning the crumbs of bread, when knocks on the door are heard. Mind searching among the possibilities of who can be. He is almost certain that Yoongi made it very clear that the apartment was off limits, that he didn't want anyone invading the place to talk to Jimin.
"Jimin, I know you're there" of course it's Taehyung, a deep, firm voice passing easily through the door and directly shaking Jimin's psychotic mind. Jimin does not respond, does not want to see anyone else at the moment- especially Taehyung.
He hears a loud sigh, and for a moment he thinks that the boy will give up and return to his respective apartment. But the sound of the key followed by the sound of the door opening, it makes him cringe confused against the kitchen counter.
"Jimin?" Taehyung asks, voice much closer than Jimin would wish. He never thought he would need to find the boy so soon - the humiliation made him want to hide until everyone forgot his name.
When finally the steps reach him, he swallows the bad taste and looks briefly at the insistent boy. "How did you get in?"
"Heechul Hyung gave me a copy," Taehyung explains, speaking much more carefully now that he has found Jimin. "I was trying to talk to you, but you never answered any of my messages"
"That's because I didn’t want to," Jimin replies, much less rancor than he was truly feeling.
"We need to talk about what happened"
"I really do not want to talk right now"
"I know" he sighs "But I have to explain what happened"
“A while ago I became friends with a hacker, and I jokingly asked if he could find my biological parents. And I was not expecting him to actually do that.” " he continues, when Jimin chooses to do nothing to stop him ”So when he sent me an address, I acted impulsively, I wanted reasons so badly that I simply went”
"And then I meet my biological mom. And I panicked because I was not expecting someone so common, so mundane, and I needed a reason to be angry with her as an explanation of how she left me, I needed her to be an awful person but she was not, and before I was noticed - I was panicking and calling Jeongguk"
Now everything Jimin can feel is disgust with himself. He let his jealousy interfere with his logic and many people were injured because of his reaction.
"I'm so sorry Jimin, if I only knew everything he had done, I would be the one who would have punched him" And he wants to deny, because none of this is Taehyung's fault.
"It’s all right, it’s not your fault Tae, at least now I know it had all been my projection - I mean, I always knew he didn’t like me – “
“He does. Jeongguk likes you” Taehyung says, interrupting him. ”He's just terribly bad in express himself”
Jimin freezes for a few seconds. Taehyung really said what Jimin think he said, and Jimin knows he would never joke that way in the middle of a serious conversation. And he wants to be happy, but all he feels is insecurity - and that doesn’t seem right.
"Jimin as much as I give you every right to feel angry, I think you need to talk to him and hear his side of the story.” Taehyung says and Jimin wants so bad to hug him because he is feeling so needy “I'm not asking you to forgive him, that's your decision. I'm just telling you to think about it.”
When it becomes clear that Jimin will not help further the conversation – to lost in his thoughts, Taehyung leaves.
-------------------------------------
Monday comes and he knows he can’t continue to avoid the routine, so he waits for Taehyung to leave to be able to enter the apartment - continuing distressed after the conversation that the two had, not knowing what decision to make.
He doesn’t understand anything about his classes and he feels so frustrated when he realizes that most other students are focused and well ahead of him that he almost started crying in the middle of a lecture. His competitive nature in conflict with his negative feelings.
A teacher improvises a brief review of everything he has taught in the last few weeks, and Jimin gets revolted with his own lack of commitment to his education. At the end of the class, very embarrassed, he asks a classmate if he can take pictures of her notes – and makes a promise to himself that he will try harder.
He is thinking about how behind he is on every subject on his way to the next classroom, that he doesn’t notice the hand that stops him in the middle of the way. Strong and veiny hands belonging to a boy that Jimin was trying his best to forget.
"Hyung" Jeongguk talks and Jimin hates how his body reacts to the call "I wanted to talk to you"
"I don’t want to talk to you," Jimin hissed, trying to get out of the handcuff that Jeongguk laid on his arm.
"Please?" Jeongguk begs after Jimin insists on running away.
Jimin absolutely hates that a simply stolen look at Jeongguk's bright eyes can make him give up on his plan to completely ignore the boy. And he bitterly lets Jeongguk guide him out of the main hall, into an empty room.
"So?" Jimin asks, trying hard to keep up a more arduous facade, pretending it does not burn the way Jeongguk always makes sure he never has anyone around when they meet.
"You're not my priority" He remembers the boy saying and he wants to hide.
"Jeongguk?" Jimin asks again, uneasiness rising to his throat when the other don’t say anything else.
“I keep hurting you" Jeongguk says "Hyung - I'm sorry" Jeongguk speaks taking long pauses between words, and Jimin has never seen the boy so agitated before, face contorted in distress. But Jimin was feeling particularly cruel, too exhausted to accept excuses that always lead him to the same path.
"Is that all? Because I'm late for class," Jimin says, feeling his body begin to shake with disappointment. "And you clearly don’t want to be in the same room as me, and especially don’t want to have this conversation" Jimin offered a pejorative chuckle.
And Jeongguk sighs and utters a curse, face with purple and green marks of the fight with Yoongi - and Jimin tries not to feel guilty.
Why didn’t you take me with you? Is all he wants to ask. He could have taken him along with him to go get Taehyung, so why?
"Jimin, I want to talk to you and I want to apologize. It's just that - I can’t do anything when you're around"
“You know how to fuck me,” Jimin says. “And how to make me feel like I’m not good enough. You know how to ignore me, and how to make me feel like an idiot. You know how to do a lot of things with me.”
“You don’t get it” Jeongguk says. “You don’t understand. Fuck - I wish I could explain to you-“ Now Jimin can feel his patience fading. He is so tired of confrontations that don’t solve anything, only serve to prevent his wounds from healing.
“Am I supposed to?” Jimin asks, letting his fingers grip on a table behind him. “Because I've been trying, but you give me nothing to work with”
When Jeongguk hesitates, Jimin lets out a sigh, throwing his hands in withdrawal. "Bye Jeongguk"
He hears the younger call his name again, but he is not interested in false words. His entire core has been shaken, and now he's late for a class he should have given more attention before and that he's pretty sure he's going to fail.
-------------------------------------
Back in the void he finds himself. Taehyung's appeals demanded his attention, but stubbornness spoke louder. He feels his body begin to tremble, not exactly angry, but with the resentment caused by the lack of care.
With his mind determined to stop running the events over and over again, and his body mutually tired and agitated, he decides to occupy himself with some task. Looking around he knows that has been a long time since last time Yoongi have the opportunity to clean his apartment.
His body seems to be stuck in automatic mode after the decision is made. He starts through the living room, then the bedroom, he throws away all the garbage laying around the house, does the dishes, and washes the bathroom.
When he finishes, he decides to take a shower - he needs to continue with the distractions, but one glance at the mirror stops him in the middle of the way. Jimin doesn’t recognize the person being reflected. Who have messy hair, swollen eyes and dark circles too deep, that any person could see the emotions through them. He does not recognize the person who tore lines on his feet with his own nails, just to stop thinking for a few seconds.
Jimin doesn't remember the last time he was his own person. Much less of a time he would turn anything away that was not to satisfy other people. He doesn't know this person, does not remember his favorite movie or music, or the last time he was completely comfortable alone. He had not realized until now, how much of negligence he had committed against himself.
When did he start haunting his own existence? Not being able to be alone for more than a few seconds before desperately seeking for a distraction.
When did he stop doing things for himself without feeling the need to make other people feel superior? How did he let himself be so affected by a rejection that he had to isolate himself completely?
This goes far beyond his romantic insecurity, far from Jongin, Jaebum or Jeongguk.
This is about himself.
It's not exactly an epiphany, it's more about accepting the truth, something he has been pushing into the bottom of his conscious for fear of over reading the facts. But now that everything has surfaced and he has nowhere to run, he understands.
He enters the shower, thanking for the way the water hits his body and the floor, helping to silence the screaming thoughts.
When he finishes he sits down on the couch and watches one of the shows he remembers having once been a favorite. He has to return some scenes when he unwittingly stops to pay attention, but he does manage to smile a few times with the comedy.
When Yoongi comes back, Jimin can see a mixture of relief and surprise on his face. Jimin knows he must be confused, that he hoped to get home and see Jimin in the same position on the couch, staring at the same wall, torturing himself.
So it must be unexpected, that in fact, Jimin is sitting on the couch with a cup of tea in hand and the whole apartment completely clean and organized.
Yoongi stares at him for a few seconds, apparently, watching to see if Jimin really is okay or if he's going to break again. But the only thing he gets from Jimin is a tired smile.
"I bought food" Yoongi informs suspiciously, showing the food bag with the slogan of a dinner that Jimin recognizes to be near the college.
They eat in silence; Jimin feeling the boy's eyes looking for any flaw in his behavior.
"Thanks for cleaning the place" Yoongi finally relaxes after finally realizing that Jimin doesn’t plan to start crying again.
"It's the least I could do"
"Minie you don’t owe me anything"
With this, Jimin smiles genuinely, he can always rely on Yoongi to feel safe.
"Neither do you” he answers “I'm going to do the dishes and I'm going back to my apartment"
"You're sure you don’t want to stay any longer?" Yoongi asks, and the worry in his voice warms the fragments of Jimin's heart.
"I know. But I can’t hide forever." He responds, and Yoongi does not say anything else, only utters a sound, confirming his positive opinion on Jimin's choice.
He finishes washing the dishes and covers the older boy with a blanket when he sees Yoongi sleeping on the sofa and quietly as possible, he closes the door and goes home.
He stares a bit at the door before entering, Jimin knows if he thinks too much, he'll end up convincing himself that the best option is for him to go back to Yoongi, and that's exactly what he can’t do.
With a glint of bravery, he opens the door and enters the apartment. Satisfied to find only Taehyung in the room, eating silently on the floor, back against the sofa.
"This movie must be amazing," Jimin says when he realizes that Taehyung was staring at the black screen of the TV and laughs when the other almost chokes on his sudden appearance.
"Jimin?" Taehyung asks the putting on the ground what Jimin suspects to be a bowl of cereal, before turning wide-eyed towards him as if he did not believe the boy had actually come back.
"I'm sorry for before Tae. You were just trying to explain the situation and I wasn’t being understandable"
"It's all right" Taehyung says softly.
"No, it's not" Jimin looks away in embarrassment "You met your mother and I just made the whole situation about myself. I'm so sorry"
He can see Taehyung's eyes shining with tears and he feels so bad that he hasn’t talked to the boy earlier - to provide love and take care of him. But he's here now, and Jimin plans to comfort him the best he can.
"How is she?"
He sees Taehyung recovers himself before he starts to speak. "Like I told you, she was definitely not what I expected." He smiles, but Jimin can see that it's fake, so he sits down next to the boy, letting Taehyung lean his head against his shoulder.
"She's identical to me. It was so strange, like looking at a mirror." Taehyung explains, interlocking fingers with Jimin "But at the same time she's so different." The boy pauses trying to pick the right words.
"She's calm - you know? She speaks quietly and is a little small, like you" Taehyung jokes and Jimin lightly slaps his stomach with his free hand, secretly satisfied that the boy does not feel too uncomfortable talking about the experience.
"I asked why she had done what she did," Taehyung says, this time much more serious and Jimin tries not to move, afraid that any movement will frighten him. "And she told me that she was too young to be a mother, that she thought she could do it but eventually my father ran away at the last minute and she didn’t have any conditions to take care of a child alone" He continues between multiple pauses and Jimin strokes his hand "She told me it was the most difficult decision she had ever made"
Jimin lets Taehyung slip from his shoulder to his lap and he runs his hands through the boy's hair as gently as possible, he knows that Taehyung needs comfort now – needs attention. They remain silent for some time until the younger boy tries to speak again, voice shaking with emotion.
"Tae," he says, stopping the boy "You don’t have to say anything else, it's okay"
"I'm sorry for what happened to Jeongguk. If I only knew-"
"Tae" He tries to reassure the boy again. Taehyung went through a shocking experience and he keeps thinking about Jimin's problems. "It's not your fault"
"But I -"
"Don’t think about it" Jimin cuts him off again, he is tired of the guilty feeling and it's been so long since he stays around Taehyung without mutilating himself with his own thoughts. Without the constant comparison that he put himself through when Taehyung is in the same room.
"Why don’t we both just watch something?" Jimin asks, trying to not make the boy's mood worse.
They end up in Taehyung's room, making room between the mess in bed and sitting against the wall. Taehyung puts on The Fabulous Destiny of Amélie Poulain and Jimin tries his best not to complain that it is the tenth time that Taehyung is watching the same movie, but he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t share the same passion.
It doesn’t take long for the two of them to close the notebook and let the two of them crash under the covers. Jimin lets Taehyung be the biggest spoon, knowing that the other loves to cuddle – he never knew how to deny Taehyung anything.
The ceiling of Taehyung's room is filled with fluorescent stars that the boy insisted on gluing when he moved into the apartment.
Jimin smiled at the memory of the first time he saw Taehyung. He remembers even though Taehyung was so different from himself, they quickly managed to understand each other. Together they made a typical yin-yang duo, an introvert and an extrovert, complementing that the other was missing.
He missed this. Climbing on Taehyung's bed and the two sleeping together because the apartment is too cold for them to function properly, having to drag Taehyung out of the art building when he insists some project is not the way that he wanted. Taehyung persuading Jimin out of his comfort zone, offering praise and comfort when the relapses of his eating disorder threatened to return. He misses Taehyung.
"Tae?" Jimin asks quietly as possible, testing to see if Taehyung is still awake.
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry for not being as present as before." He speaks feeling braver when he does not have to see his sharp eyes. “I let my jealousy take over a lot of space in our friendship. I'm so sorry Tae”
"Don’t stress about it. I feel so bad too, I should have realized things before" Taehyung pulls Jimin further against his chest and Jimin feel the boy's soft breath against the nape of his neck.
"Well, what was done is done," Jimin decides, very comfortable in the warmth of Taehyung's embrace, to keep repeating the same regrets.
Taehyung responds positively with a sound in the back of his throat and Jimin feels lighter, the remorse finally begins to fade from his veins as he feels the beating of the boy's heart against his back. It’s like come back home, after an extremely tiring trip.
"How about we go to the museum next time? Just you and me"
“Are you asking me out?” Taehyung jokes, tone full of rehearsed incredulity.
“Yes” Jimin giggles.
”I thought you were never going to ask, now all I have to do is dump Hoseok” Taehyung jokes and Jimin knows he's forgiven.
-------------------------------------
He would like to say that it is being very easy. That happen exactly the same in the movies, that he had a moment of introspective, that suddenly he is a new person ready to move on and become totally free of his insecurities.
In reality, the TA of his pharmacology and nutrition class calls him because of his decaying performance, and is gentle enough to let the boy redeem himself with a complementary assignment and the task of helping some freshmen with basic subjects. Jimin thanks for the opportunity, knowing that he was once one of the best students in the class, and now that he has the chance to take his spot back, he will try his best.
He balances work, school and the monitoring of freshmen poorly - he arrives sometimes late at work and the manager drops some warnings in his direction, but he survives.
He lost count every time he was kicked out of the library late at night, or how much he spent with energetic drinks. He basically started to live on coffee and hoodies and he is almost certain that he will never feel his back ever again.
Even Yoongi warn him about his sleep time, advising him to take it lighter. And Jin fills up the apartment refrigerator when he finds out, horrified, about Jimin's new extreme habits, arguing against him that his daily menu was one of the horrible things he's ever seen.
But, he is so busy and satisfied with how little time he has to think about Jeongguk, to restrain himself. And his heart grateful for the pause of constant aggression, feeling relieved when he is not forced to ignore Jeongguk, his new agenda doing it for him naturally.
Unfortunately, he has to neglect the dance lessons with Hoseok, but the older understands the situation completely and Jimin is much more than grateful.
When tests weeks comes again, Jimin is more than exhausted. He wants to have more time to study, but simultaneously, he also wants everything to end at once. The feeling of failing after having studied so much does nothing to help him lessen his anxiety.
He and Taehyung began to live practically on ramen and coffee, waking up frightened by the symphony of two alarm clocks screaming at the same time. There is post-it scattered throughout the entire house and list of last-minute exercises open at the center table. Sungjae invades the apartment a few times in his routine of complaints and Solar ends up stealing the last stock of coffee that the two had saved. Miraculously, Namjoon does not cause any serious accidents and Yoongi is barely is seen with the tons of chores and tests that the boy has, while he struggles to deal with both courses at the same time, Jimin still doesn’t know how he can do it.
When Jimin finally finishes the last test of the semester, he is ready to sleep for at least two days. He has already forgotten half of what he wrote in the pages of paper, and at that point, he does not even care because anymore. All he wanna do is to go home and cuddle with Taehyung or cry - maybe both, he's not feeling particularly selective.
But of course he should know that Taehyung would choose the perfect opportunity against him - taking advantage of the fact that the boy is too tired to try to argue when he opens the door and sees no one more than Jeongguk sitting on the couch as if nothing had happened - as if It had all been a long bad dream.
He adores Taehyung, he really does, but sometimes the younger makes the process of love him a bit difficult - like now, when all he wants to do is definitely not have another confrontation with Jeongguk. He has enough evidence to rebuild one of the crime scenes every time the two were left alone.
"Jeongguk, I can’t do this right now" He lets out an irritated sigh.
"Hyung, just let me explain everything okay? You do not have to do anything" Jeongguk insists, “I just really need to explain myself"
And it's not as if Jimin had forgotten the power that Jeongguk has over him, is just that he choose to forget how weak he is in front of the boy.
Jimin leaves his bag and shoes in the doorway and walks over to the couch where the boy is sitting, hesitating for a few seconds before choosing to sit as far away as possible from Jeongguk. Don’t think he can get too close without being pulled into his orbit.
"First, if I'd known about your story with Jaebum, I would never have taken you back to that house again." Jeongguk starts and Jimin is startled to hear the older’s name coming out of his mouth.
He didn’t expect for this, and by his expression, Jeongguk must have felt the question that Jimin wanted to ask so desperately. Who told you?
"I talked to Yoongi Hyung." Still surprised, Jimin can’t say a word. The last thing he expected was to hear his flawed romantic record being exposed by Yoongi. Hoseok or Taehyung, definitely, but not the older boy.
He wants to be angry and hide, deny everything to Jeongguk. Pretend that he doesn’t have the tendency to make the same mistakes. But Jeongguk is looking at him with such an enigmatic look that Jimin doesn’t know what to do – has already given up to understand him a long time ago.
"You don’t have to blame yourself for it, it's not like you knew it." Jimin shrugs, indifferent, when in fact he's feeling everything but that.
"It doesn’t matter, if I hadn’t let my fear go off before, none of this would have happened." Jeongguk sighs.
"I always loved Taehyung," It's not something Jimin would like Jeongguk to have remembered, but he tried his best to not squirm with the phrase "but somehow I always knew he would never go be mine. And that somehow gave me some relief, so I freaked out when I realized I could have you - I didn’t think I deserved you and it brought so many problems." He stutters, trying to form his thoughts and Jimin tries to pay attention to the meaning of the things Jeongguk is saying.
“What are you trying to say?”
“I think I like you?” He says full of uncertainty, refusing to look at Jimin.
Jimin's heart paused, he was not waiting for Jeongguk to say something like that - to confirm what Taehyung had told him and that he had disregarded with all his might. He was honestly only waiting for an apology, not that sense of euphoria spreading rapidly beneath his skin like liquid nitrogen, burning and freezing at the same time. These were the words Jimin always imagined Jeongguk saying.
Contentment is the first sensation to expand in his brain, but it doesn’t take too long for doubt to arrive. He remembers every time Jeongguk brought him satisfaction, only to remedy him with a hand full of bitterness. Jeongguk had said, 'I think', and uncertainty is one of the reasons for the way he has become this mess of paranoia and self-hatred.
"That's the problem Jeongguk, you ‘think’ and so far I've given my all to boys who don’t even offer me their half." Maybe is the tiredness or the empty space that the stress left open, but Jimin is feeling a little braver.
"I want a person who will introduce me to his friends, someone who will hold my hand, who will answer my texts; I want a person who will stay after they fucked me" He continues, ignoring the way Jeongguk bites his lip with distress. “I want someone who doesn't think that he loves me, I want someone who is sure”
"And I know that I’m not Taehyung. I am not so wild, fascinating or beautiful"
“Hyung what you talking about-” Jeongguk starts, raising his voice in disbelief.
But Jimin is decided, and now it's his turn to say everything that has been stuck in his throat so far. “Jeongguk I let you talk, now is my turn”
"I let myself think that I deserve less for being who I am. I became so insecure, trying to prove my value, and I realized that I was not angry with you, I was frustrated with myself because, yes, you hurt me, but it's because I let it happen and that’s not how it should be”. He is trembling, his fists are closed and he feels tears threatening an attack, but he is proud to have finally said what he feels. No locks or lies. Only what he's been hiding for a long time finally being uncovered.
He waited for the burning sensation in his eyes to pass before he looked again at Jeongguk. It takes bravery to do the action - but he decides that if he will stand for himself, is better do the full service.
Jimin expects to find traces of hostility or rancor, but all he finds is the look of admiration with a smile so bright that momentarily makes him wonder if he really said anything or if it was all a hallucination. But Jeongguk continues to smile, with the same expression of amazed.
"Could you give me a second chance?" Jeongguk asks quietly biting his lower lip, looking more vulnerable than Jimin had ever seen him be. And he wants to laugh, because the phrase is numerically incorrect - he already offered multiple chances for Jeongguk.
But he is Jimin, and he is unable to say no to cute boys who has all the potential to break his heart over and over again.
"Maybe. But for now, I need time"
Jimin decides that the glint of determination in Jeongguk’s eyes is his favorite look from him.
-------------------------------------
Again, nothing happens like in the movies.
He is still a college student, so that means he continues to have a limited budget, squirming to pay rent and basic bills. But in a way, he manages to stop the pity parties.
His routine doesn’t change much after all. However, he rescues the habit of going to the cinema more often and he finally answers to Jackson's texts.
He goes bowling with Sehun and when he ends up bumping into Jongin, he doesn't run away. Instead, he stays and talks, surprising at himself not to find any more rancor at the end of the night. He had forgotten that he and Jongin had also been friends once, and it was a good feeling to talk to him without squirming with shame.
He takes advantage of one of his day off from work to visit his aunt, and he's sure he comes back with more weight. He watches all his favorite films and finds out new ones.
He fulfills his promise and takes Taehyung to the museum. Heart expanding with affection through the boy's shining eyes. Jimin tries to argue that Taehyung has been to the place thousands of times, but Taehyung answers him simply by shrugging his shoulders and smiling at him saying that he is glad to have gone with Jimin. And guilt only ends when he takes Taehyung to the poetry reading club Namjoon attends, where Taehyung swears he has discovered a new passion.
He does miracles to get tickets to the performance of Yoongi’s and Hoseok's favorite rapper. And he is rewarded with miles of smiles and hugs - contentment practically leaking from the body of the two older boys.
Jimin has to learn to talk and walk again - had spent so much time leaning on other people that he forgot to do things by himself.
What he does is no revolution. There are no sudden changes in his style or personality; there is no dramatic telephone calls or burning photos, no revenge or punishment for anyone. He simply tries to learn how to let things go.
He starts with simple things. Trying his best to enjoy his own presence, having fun by himself, dancing while cooking, singing incorrectly at loud with new songs he finds, don’t explaining or apologizing for being himself.
Some days he doesn't want to get off the bed – self-doubt drag him into the dark part of his brain, but Taehyung comes jumping on him and Yoongi text him asking how he is doing and he takes a deep breath and starts all over again.
It is baby steps but somehow he knows he will be just fine. There’s no need to rush after all.
-------------------------------------
Jeongguk
Going to college is nothing like he thought it would be.
Jeongguk never thought he would get a scholarship to one of the most prestigious colleges in the country, that he would have Namjoon as a roommate or he would end up watching Taehyung falling in love with someone else. When he still thinks about it, everything still seems a bit surreal - nothing he imagined happened, but somehow even with all the unexpected amount of things, the picture came out perfectly.
Most of all, he never expected the phenomenon that was Jimin.
To be honest, Jeongguk at first didn’t think much about the older boy. Of course one of his first thoughts was that the boy was exceptionally gorgeous, with his blonde hair, small hands, petite body and shy smiles. But in the presence of Taehyung everything tended to blur in the background – his tunnel vision prevented him from seeing any other person.
However, it didn’t take him long to notice Jimin's feelings. All the stolen looks, the silent moments they shared, and the constant blushing on the older boy's face did nothing to help him be discreet. And Jeongguk didn’t know what to do with attention, so he took no action, just pulled back from his mind the knowledge about the older boy's feelings. Hiding the heat of his ego inflating at being able to make someone so beautiful and ethereal, like him.
The first time was an impulse.
Of course, he knew that Taehyung and Hoseok were possessing far more than the label they made explicit to the public - no one looks at another person as if they were holding galaxies and remains impassive ; but the process of being left out after years of watching Taehyung grow and molding himself into who he is, left Jeongguk with deep wounds and increasing frustration.
Taehyung would never be his - at least not the way he wished - and the understanding of the fact left him without air for a long time.
He tried to deny it, pretending that Taehyung and Hoseok would not last and that if he persisted, it would happen like all ideal romantic stories and they would eventually end up together, and for a moment, he let himself believe in his own faintness – after all, there were still some drops of hope flowing in his bloodstream.
Deep down he knew it was not about a misunderstanding, but about the whole relationship between him and Taehyung. He would always be seen as the little brother and there was nothing he could do about it.
And there was Jimin. A fixed point in the middle of a storm. Hopeful eyes and shy smiles - Jimin was left himself open for Jeongguk, and the boy was never good with temptations. And that was exactly what Jimin became, a temptation, a distraction for him to forget the fact that he would never become what he wanted for Taehyung, and no matter how much he tried to fool himself, he would never achieve certain parts of the boy’s heart.
He dived in the opportunity. The stress of his first finals, the continuous reminder in the form of Hoseok and the help of the alcohol, made him act without thinking. In an instant he was watching Taehyung kissing another guy and the other he was in Jimin, sucking all the oxygen the boy had to offer. Soft skin and soft moans are what Jeongguk can remember for the night. All rancor coming out in the form of aggression against Jimin's inviting body. Leaving marks to prove he was there, demanding validation with every push. And he would be lying as he did not bring satisfaction to hear his name being moaned like a prayer by a sweet voice.
He woke up floating in shame. Jimin was sleeping peacefully beside him, blond hair scattered in all directions, one side of his face disappearing over Jeongguk's chest and plump lips parted, releasing a shallow breath. It was the first time he really realized how stunning Jimin was - he looked like an angel and Jeongguk had impure hands and intentions.
He remembers to have panicked. To let go of Jimin's arms and comfortable bed and leave the apartment and the boy behind.
He also remembers to ignore the older as a plague. Giving ragged justifications to Taehyung's why he was not hanging out anymore in his apartment and refusing to answer Jimin's messages. The older boy asked what was happening and he had no answers - because he did not expect to have engraved delicate moans and a map of a body in his mind. Shame prevented him from explaining.
For a while he was convinced that nothing had happened. Trying to invest himself other activities.
He was perfectly fine until he got a scene that burned his way into his mind at a small party that Namjoon insisted on throwing. Taehyung and Hoseok were not kissing or in the process of, they were just talking and smiling, but Jeongguk had never seen Taehyung's face that way, eyes shining with contentment and emitting a glow that could only be nicknamed as love.
Then the second time happened.
He cornered Jimin, seeking the same comfort last time. Wanting to hide inside of the knowledge that Jimin had a crush on him. He didn’t want to admit it that he was having a hard time digesting the urge to see Jimin under him again - he was one of the few distractions that really worked for him to get his head off Taehyung, even though this has brought very serious side effects.
That's until Jimin drops a bomb on him.
‘’Jeongguk I know you like Taehyung’’
And he couldn’t stop his self-destruction from acting. To form a rough layer against his hands and his words. Wanting to hurt something and succeeding in pulling fragments of hope from Jimin's eyes - not remembering when he became that kind of person to try to hurt someone on purpose.
He’s was been extremely selfish, inviting Jimin to play a dangerous game with him.
He expelled poisons through each one of his pores until he eventually filled the whole room with the toxin and Jeongguk swears that he heard Jimin's heart breaking, didn’t even remember of ever been so angry at himself in harming something so pure and vulnerable.
And Jimin once again melted between Jeongguk's fingers tips. Allowing him to take everything he has to offer, and Jeongguk plucked everything by the roots – not being able to resist the sweet sacrifice. Waves of ultraviolence coming out of him and putting tears in the boy’s eyes.
He had been with more people than he could count, but there were something about how Jimin broke down underneath him that was almost artistic. Jimin continued to offer everything he needed and Jeongguk consumed everything as if he were fire. Always hungry, never satisfied.
When anger dissipated into regret, he couldn’t bear the weight of his own actions. He had made the same mistake again. He knew the damage he inflicted, but it is not as if he had a clue how to fix something that he had destroyed so much.
Then he found himself ignoring the older boy again – his sad eyes and long silences. Jimin was too transparent where Jeongguk was always been hazy – and the younger never knew how to deal with fragile things.
What he didn’t expect was that he couldn’t stop thinking about Jimin after that - his heart reserving another round of tricks against himself. But Jeongguk was always too stubborn for his own good, and he stood by his proposal to ignore the older.
And that's what he did, too cowardly to confront the boy.
On the same trail of self-destruction he eventually revealed his true feeling for Taehyung. He doesn't remember for sure what happened. But in a minute he was sitting on the side of Taehyung and in the other, he was confessing what he never thought he would have the guts to. And nothing happened as he expected. Because Taehyung had just smiled sadly.
"I know Jeongguk" - three words for three emotions. Confusion, sadness and relief.
“For how long?” He had asked, voice so low he did not know how Taehyung could hear.
“For a long time”
Now that he had finally said it out loud it seemed as if he had inspired air for the first time in years. The sadness was real and tangible - stomach and heart shrinking simultaneously, in fact confirming that Taehyung never felt the same and that every time Jeongguk suspected that the boy already knew about him, he was absolutely right. Of course Taehyung knew, he was always too insightful - it was only Jeongguk's fantasies that made him think he might have a chance.
The relief of knowing that after all, things would not change between the two brought a little joy to cover the broken pile of that was left from his heart.
And Jeongguk expected more pain, but all he felt was a craving for a boy with sad eyes, blushing cheeks, and secretive smiles.
But Jeongguk had already been a jerk enough. He couldn’t rush back to Jimin for every time he needed a distraction, the boy deserved much more than the mess Jeongguk was – of his professional deterioration ability, way too much roughness and wrong words. The urgency for Jimin in the hour of despair only made it more obvious that he should stay away from the older.
He tried his best. He went out with other people, waking up in places he didn’t recognize, staying as far away from the apartment containing the two boys that brought mixed emotions to his monochrome heart.
But nothing was the same. Moans too loud or hands too calloused. Nobody has the set of velvet lips, button nose, small hands, petite body with firm thighs and blonde hair that he was looking for.
Jeongguk does not remember when he started to like the moon as much as he loved the sun.
He never thought about the possibility that he could possibly develop feelings for someone other than Taehyung – that anyone could ever compare to him. Jeongguk at that point had already directed all his feelings towards Taehyung and now that his tunnel vision was opening again, he couldn’t help but thinking that he had nothing else to offer. He had spent it all with another love already.
For a while he was convinced about it. He really thought he had everything under control.
And he was not ready for the mess Jimin brought up. The bitter feeling when Jimin started ignoring him back, not looking at him anymore or trying to get closer. Which was exactly what Jeongguk wanted, but somehow it seemed too wrong. Jeongguk began to miss something that did not belong to him in the first place - he had become accustomed to Jimin's feelings, he took it for granted. Now he was doomed to be a spectator where he could have been the protagonist.
And no matter how much he struggled to remain impassive, he couldn’t stop his attention from falling on Jimin. Studying every detail.
He was stupid enough to think that he had been the only person that noticed just how stunning Jimin was. Needless to say, he discovered in the worst way that he was wrong.
Suddenly, jealous. Irrational, angry and out of control. Jealous.
When he saw Jimin again was, unexpectedly, in the pool dome. The hyper sense of seeing his face after some time made him more astonished than he could admit. And it seems he was not the only one. Because there was Jackson, closer than Jeongguk would like, making Jimin smile until his eyes became crescent moons - his melodic laughter stealing glances without him noticing.
Jeongguk could not stop himself from acting like a spoiled little child. Making up an excuse to keep Jimin away from the hungry looks of the rest of the team. Trying to swallow the feeling of discomfort when Jimin did not look in his direction.
It was hard for Jeongguk to control himself when Jimin acted as if he did not know the power he possessed over other people. With Jackson constantly talking in his ear about the boy, about a past story that Jeongguk never could figure out enough.
The first time Jeongguk saw Jimin dance, he finally has given up trying to deny his feelings. He closed the deal with the devil right there - in the middle of a mass of people, mouth open and brain in short circuit.
Until then, he thought the only art he would enjoy would be photography and Taehyung's paintings, but of course Jimin would find a way to make him rethink everything he had considered dogmatic. And Jeongguk would be lying if he didn’t feel well knowing that every single thing he had calculated was being erased by intense eyes and graceful movements.
And it was all right until his possessiveness suddenly attacked him. Jimin was only talking to a guy and Jeongguk overreacted by pushing all the alarms on his body just because Jimin was not paying attention to him.
Defense mechanism requiring him to act in the best petty way he could do. Seizing the opportunity to get some reaction from Jimin, catching a boy he remembered had hooked up with, paying half attention to what he was saying and the other half in the way Jimin started dancing alone on the dance floor - lights tracing his body and making him shine, simply hypnotizing in a way Jeongguk couldn’t explain.
Good choices and Jeongguk are not are words that you usually find in one sentence. Because the only reaction that he had he received, was a helpless look of the boy and consequently the disappearance of Jimin from his sight.
Only for him to find the boy later in the bar chatting animatedly with the bartender – a guy, who according to Jeongguk's opinion should be banned from flirting shamelessly with clients.
Apparently, alcohol made him more jealous than he originally calculated, because in a second he was surrounding Jimin and practically baring his teeth at the man behind the counter, making it clear that Jimin was off limits.
He wasn’t even ashamed to feel satisfied to receive Jimin's attention in the form of anger. Only feeling the wave of embarrassment when, again, his speech ability made it impossible to explain his motives. Feeling Jimin slipping between his fingers like water. Not that he could blame him, Jeongguk would also run for his life if he were him.
A few days have passed and an intervention of his masochism came in the form of Taehyung – acting strangely suspicious, saying that he needed a favor. And Jeongguk was never able to deny him anything – probably never would
He only found out after a heart attack that was just the opposite. Is was Taehyung who was doing him a favor. Because the last thing Jeongguk was expecting to find in the apartment would be Jimin sleeping peacefully, kilometers of skin and gray hair gleaming against the light.
He was never the religious type, but he would not hesitate to fall on his knees to venerate Jimin – who was far away from Jeongguk's reach, no matter if the younger had already touched him. Jeongguk is still trying to find out how he didn’t have a nosebleed at the moment.
"Close your mouth and please don’t get a boner right now" Taehyung had laughed. And Jeongguk might – very slightly – have been ashamed of how true the joke was.
Jeongguk must have turned the human version of an exclamation point because the next thing he hears is Taehyung laugh "Taehyung he is naked".
"Wow, I never thought you could be so observant" Jeongguk would offer an incredulous look to Taehyung if he didn’t be so busy on keeping his eyes on the sleeping figure. “But seriously, I called you because I don’t think I'm going to end this today. Much less remember the details.”
"Tae this is extremely wrong" Jeongguk says, but his fingers are shaking to take a picture, to try to capture some of the beauty that was being cast so carelessly and the same time feeling a strange sensation, because it wasn’t on his nature to take pictures of people.
"Moral doesn’t exist when you're an art student. Now hurry up and take a picture before he wakes up and strangles me." Taehyung had said "If I'm going to die, at least let me leave traces of my masterpiece"
And it happened exactly as Taehyung said, Jimin had woken up, and if looks could kill, Taehyung might already be in his seventh reincarnation.
Pouty mouth and cheeks flushed and Jeongguk could not resist for too long. The original plan to make room for Jimin flew out the window along with his self-control.
He had tried to apologize for his ambiguous behavior. But as he already suspected, Jimin still didn’t want to talk to him.
Kicking himself mentally through the look of helplessness on the boy’s face when he moved away in the presence of Taehyung, he decided to try again at Yoongi's party, but Jimin seemed determined to ignore his existence completely.
Smiling softly at Yoongi and leaving Jeongguk uneasy. No one needs to know that the youngest man took a whole can of beer in seconds in order to drown the bad feeling in his throat when he saw Yoongi touching Jimin's cheek - no one. Neither how he acted as if Jimin owed him explanations - jealousy once more making him act irrationally.
He tried to corner Jimin again just to be interrupted by a boy practically wandering with a confession of love glued in the middle of the forehead at the sight of Jimin. Jimin smiling brightly as if he didn’t know that he was torturing the poor boy.
“Are you okay?” Jimin asked.
"Yes. Excellent. I have never been better "The taller boy said, and Jeongguk was honestly surprised how he managed not to stumble at anything on his way out.
"I can’t believe you really don’t know" Jeongguk had said, voice full of disbelief.
Jeongguk had a difficult time in processing the fact that Jimin didn’t know about his own effects. He always thought Jimin was just being modest. Simply accustomed to the reactions of others in his presence. Not that he acted so casually because he really didn’t know.
"What? There is something on my face?" Jimin tried to wipe away the nonexistent dirt with the sweater sleeve, and Jeongguk had officially sold himself to the heavens - raised a white flag, begging for mercy.
Jimin was fucking gorgeous, and he didn’t even know that.
It didn’t make sense to him on how Jimin was not aware of his own beauty.
And of course, Jeongguk had ruined the moment by being himself and saying a lot and nothing at the same time - watching Jimin lose his calm and not being able to do anything about it. Not managing his temper with Yoongi's presence and failing again to explain to Jimin how he really felt.
But if there’s one thing that Jeongguk was a specialist, was in how to be absurdly stubborn. Then he tried again, in a place far away from people who stimulate his possessiveness. Where it all began and where he was determined once and for all, finally apologize and try to have a conversation as a functional human being.
Somewhere between getting to know Jimin better, kissing him underwater and hearing his melodic giggles as they fled the campus security, Jeongguk swears he fell into something that he was too scared to label – not feeling that way since Taehyung, the feeling of being lively and terrified at the same time.
Jeongguk decided right there, that he wouldn’t want to lose Jimin off his sight ever again - determined to act as one of the clichés characters of the dramas Taehyung loved to watch.
All he knew is that he wanted to keep seeing the little scrunch thing that the boy often did with his nose, and watch him laugh until he bends and feel his heart beat stronger with the image of his sweater paws.
And everything was going very well. Until he had the brilliant idea of invited Jimin to go out with him, making a horrible excuse about how the team was forcing him to go to a party, when in fact, all he wanted was for the two of them to go out together again, showing Jimin to the rest of the team.
If he knew everything he knows now. He should never have taken Jimin to that house.
He would do everything differently if it meant keeping the smile on the boy's face, not his glassy eyes with tears and expression coated with anguish.
If only he wouldn’t have panicked when he heard the Taehyung’s words. If only he had explained himself to Jimin, told that he didn’t want to drag the boy into a dangerous place in the other side of the city, that he was trying to stop him from participating in a drama. Too stupid to think that the action would hurt Jimin.
He wouldn’t be where he is now. Mutilating himself for saying confusing things when he gets too nervous. Not knowing how to express himself and losing out on a golden opportunity to keep Jimin to himself.
He had only realized his mistakes when Yoongi hit him as he was leaving Taehyung's apartment. Screaming and demanding answers - the representation of anger in person.
After the fight, the group of friends became awkward, no one having sure what to do with the uncomfortable atmosphere or knowing exactly what had happened. The topic was left open because any of them knew for sure how to deal with the problem.
That’s until Jeongguk finally gained the courage to confront Yoongi - knowing that he could see Jimin again if he straightens things up with the older first.
After several frustrating attempts, Yoongi reluctantly agrees to talk. And he eventually found out about Jaebum, Jongin and Jimin insecurities, revolt fermenting in his bloodstream, finally understanding more about Jimin and how he unconsciously hurt him more than he had first thought.
But more than ever he was determined to do the right thing. He only hoped that Jimin would accept him again.
-------------------------------------
But of course nothing was as he expected.
One more time, he couldn’t say what he really wanted and Jimin escaped again.
Yes, he is feeling a bit down and heartbroken, but he is also incredibly proud. He remembers the boy trembling; the glint in his eyes when he finally finished everything he had to say and heat spreads in his heart.
If it’s time that Jimin needs, then Jeongguk is ready to offer just that.
"What did he say?" It's the first question Taehyung asks when he returns to the apartment. A manga is open on his lap that Jeongguk suspects that is only there to offer comfort.
"He said no," Jeongguk says and laughs when Namjoon looks at him for a good solid second, letting go of whatever he was typing.
"What?" Taehyung asks what Namjoon's expression has been trying to say. "What do you mean he said 'no'?" Taehyung continues to close the object and placing it on the sofa.
Jeongguk understands why they should be confused, he just told his feelings to Jimin and was rejected, of course he shouldn’t be showing this kind of reaction. But they didn’t see the glow of determination in Jimin's eyes, didn’t see the way he blossomed like a flower right in front of Jeongguk – there some things that cannot be explained and this is one of them.
So he says no more, just shrug his shoulders and sits next to Taehyung. Body language always seems to say more things than his vocabulary could ever have.
Taehyung still doesn’t understand the situation and Jeongguk knows that the boy must be feeling frustrated. "You're way too deep, what kind person is rejected and keep smiling?"
"Jimin effect," Namjoon says quietly, continuing to type on the computer, as if the answer were obvious "Minie could stab me in the eye and I would still appreciate it"
Ignoring Namjoon's comment, Taehyung continues. "But did you explain yourself? You know - like a normal human being? Or did you stare at him and pay no attention to what was leaving your mouth?"
And he has to bite his lips to keep from laughing, because Taehyung actually knows him too well "Tae I said what I wanted to say. But so did he”
"What does that even mean?” Taehyung asks indignantly, poking Jeongguk with his tiptoe.
"Taehyung leaves him alone" Namjoon finally interferes and Jeongguk sends a look of gratitude to him.
Taehyung continues to pester him about his lack of strategy when Jimin is around him. Until Namjoon tells him to be quiet that he has a paper to finish and Taehyung reluctantly finally stops talking.
He was still feeling melancholic, but at least Jimin had given him some grams of hope, and saying it one more time, Jeongguk is not the type to give up so easily.
-------------------------------------
Jeongguk wanted to help Jimin reassemble what he broke, but only the older boy knew where the pieces were, so he let him be. Just watching Jimin step out of his comfort bubble bit by bit.
If he starts going to the library more, it has nothing to do with the fact of how long Jimin spends there, he just really needs to study with more often.
And if his camera is filled with photos of Jimin, that doesn’t make him a stalker, just a dedicated observer.
And no, Jeongguk don’t go to the bookstore constantly because Jimin works there, it's just because it's the closest to the campus and he suddenly finds himself very fascinated by every type of book.
Sure, he spends too much time in Taehyung's apartment, but it's because the place is warmer and the sofa is more comfortable, not because he can hear Jimin arguing with Taehyung about movies or hear the boy singing while he cooks.
And yes, maybe Jeongguk is a little bit in love, but you didn't hear it from him.
-------------------------------------
Jeongguk remembers him and Namjoon agreeing to do a Lord of the Rings marathon. But he doesn’t know when they switched to Dinosaur while the older boy improvises a philosophical speech about the meaning of the film just to irritate Jeongguk.
Honestly, all Jeongguk wanted to do was stay at home, taking advantage of the fact that he has absolutely nothing to do for the rest of the day and that Jin is not present at the moment to offer him a sermon on the importance of washing his hair.
He is in the midst of a mental battle to decide whether it's worth fighting to take the remote control of Namjoon's hands when Yoongi enters the apartment.
After the conversation the two of them had. Jeongguk started to understand the older; they even went out together a few times and discovered, surprisingly, that the two have more in common than he thought.
It does not mean that Yoongi got any less intimidating, much to the contrary; Jeongguk has become determined to prove to him that he has no bad intentions regards Jimin. And it seems that Yoongi had approved him it only with a sideways warning that if he did Jimin cry again, he would make sure to put his dick into a meat slicer - Jeongguk laughed, but he knew it that was not a simple threat, it was a promise.
"Hey Hyung" Namjoon greeted the boy, who responded with a simple nod.
"Do you guys have coffee? Mine is over and I don’t want to go to the market"
"We're out of coffee too. Why don’t you go ask Jimin and Tae? I’m sure they have it”
"Taehyung is with Hoseok and Minie went out on a date I think, at least that's what Tae told me" Yoongi responds, throwing himself into a free space on the couch.
Pause and rewind. These are two things that Jeongguk had to do before his brain went into a state of emergency and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.
Of course he knew that Jimin had been meeting new people and trying his best at becoming more comfortable with himself. But Jeongguk didn’t expect him to go out on a date so soon, after all, Jeongguk was actually relying on Jimin's word when he said he would give him a second chance.
"Date? With who? Where?"
"I don’t know? Jesus Jeongguk, chill" Yoongi says, indifferent face and posture calm, as if he had not just dropped a bomb on him. Jeongguk wants to shake the older boy and demand information, but he knows it's was useless.
So that’s why in the next second he is flying out of the apartment, telephone in hand, bombarding Taehyung with texts and getting frustrated to see the boy visualizing and not responding.
When he finally answer - what seems to be centuries later, he is feeling desperate and completely selfish. But fuck it, it's Jimin and Jeongguk already let him escape enough times to keep repeating the same mistake.
-------------------------------------
Jimin
Jimin will not lie, he is feeling extremely tired. But a deal is a deal. And he has also been a confused and lost freshman once and he thinks it must be even worse to be an exchange student in this situation. Completely different customs and language, uniting to form a frightening barrier.
And that's why he accepted the offer to help the kid he's sitting on. He still felt indebted with the TA who had supported him immensely, so Jimin didn’t hesitate to offer help when he learned about the new student. Agreeing to meet at the little cafe near the bookstore he works on.
But saying it again, he's exhausted, it was for him to be in his apartment at the moment, probably watching one of the shows he left unfinished or sleeping. But at least he’s excited to meet a new person, wanting to make the boy feel at ease with the new environment, explaining how things work, talking about some different aspects, such as the note system and the location of classrooms.
There are some communication glitches, but he stays patient, he knows the other must be feeling extremely nervous and he tries to be understandable as possible.
It seems that everything was going well and Jimin thinks that he has managed to make the kid feel more comfortable, so he considers mission accomplished when the boy says goodbye with a grateful smile on his face.
"Jiminie" He turns to find Jackson walking toward him and he smiles at the older boy as he slides across the table, putting his coffee cup on the surface.
"Hey Hyung"
Lately he has spoken more with Jackson, casting aside his reluctance to relive the old friendship. And he doesn't regret the decision, Jackson is a wonderful person to have around and Jimin really appreciates his presence.
"Someone told me your last party was celebrated together with the police?" Jimin asks, referring to the accident at the frat party.
"You know – the usual. I don’t know how Sungjae and Taehyung can hold parties without being reported” Jackson complains.
"Probably magic, and also because we have Heechul as a building manager. Make lots of things easier" Jimin jokes and Jackson prepares to respond just to be interrupted by a noise. The bell located above the door screaming with the violence of the person responsible for its opening.
Jimin jumps with the sudden noise, but he doesn’t turn to know who has entered. The person must have thought the door was heavier than it really is and Jimin didn’t want to face the person and make them uncomfortable, he knows it's horrible to be the center of attention after committing an accident.
"Jeongguk?" Jackson asks, and Jimin's heart freezes.
Strangely, he has seen the kid more often; everywhere he goes it seems that Jeongguk is also present. Not that he's complaining - heart remains as stubborn as ever, no matter how hard his brain called for logic.
And it’s not like he had forgotten the promise he made to Jeongguk. Is just that he don’t know if the boy was really serious or acting kindly. Even with Taehyung assuring countless times that indeed, Jeongguk was more than interested.
He'd been waiting for Jeongguk to take the initiative and take up the topic, and now he was feeling a bit stupid for actually believing the kid was serious about a second chance. It doesn’t help that Jeongguk's constant presence and affectionate behavior makes it almost impossible for Jimin get over him - confusion and inability to read between the lines, making everything very complicated.
“Jeongguk are you okay?” Jimin asks worriedly, the boy sudden appearance forcing absurd scenarios in his head. Doesn’t helping at all that Jeongguk is breathless and a mess as if he had just run a marathon.
"Jimin Hyung, I know I said I would wait for your decision," Jeongguk says, hair everywhere and gasping, far away from the firm and confident boy that Jimin was used to seeing.
"But I couldn’t anymore because you said you'd give me another chance and I'm not saying it's your obligation because you owe me nothing and I would understand completely if you just rejected me again and - fuck I'm so bad at this" Jeongguk start rambling, stuttering and stumbling over words, running a hand through the hair at the nape of his neck, avoiding eye contact and Jimin still in shock.
Jimin is tremendously confused, trying to figure out what's going on, and apparently, so is Jackson.
“Jeongguk what is going –“ Jimin tries to ask.
"I love you” Jeongguk suddenly lets out.
“Like - really love you” Jeongguk finally spits out more calmly and Jimin knows he's trying his best not to run over any thought, in saying coherent phases. “I love your laughter, and the way you scrunch your nose when you get too focused, I love the fact that you're passionate about soundtracks, and the way you're so sweet, I love your voice, and how you genuinely care about the feelings of the people around you. I love your eyes, and your rosy cheeks, and the way you always give all your attention when you're talking to a person. I love how you dance unconsciously to any song. I love you”
“I’m in so in love with you that it’s ridiculous” Jeongguk finishes and Jimin blushes from the amount of attention he is getting from the other people in the coffee shop. Heart running an extra mile inside his chest, blood boiling with the love confession. Heat spreads all over his body and he doesn’t want to cry, so he doesn't blink, afraid if he make any move he will find that this is just another one of his daydreams.
"Okay?" Jimin asks softly, after he finally manages to breathe some air "And why are you telling me this now?"
“Because you’re on a date with Jackson?” Jeongguk clarifies but Jimin remains confused.
“What?”
“Tae told me you were out on a date” And it seems that now who is confused is Jeongguk, eyebrows practically touching.
“Oh my god Jeongguk” Jimin laughs and Jackson joins him this time. “We’re not on a date” Jimin says, ignoring completely Jackson saying ‘I wish’. “I was meeting the new guy that I'm gonna to be helping and it just happen that I bumped into Jackson” Jimin explains, biting his lip to hold back the laughter when Jeongguk finally realizes that it's all a misunderstanding.
"I can’t wait to tell the whole team. Your face is priceless." Jackson laughs as he dodges Jeongguk's fist. "Well, I'm leaving now, good luck with that one Jiminie" Jackson says goodbye after irritating Jeongguk for a few more seconds.
After Jackson walks through the door, Jeongguk takes his place and Jimin feels his cheeks begin to ache from the strength of his smile.
"You said you were not on a date," Jeongguk says awkwardly, red face in shame, but he is also smiling, his big black eyes glowing with anticipation. "Want to start one?"
The weather is gray, Jeongguk is wearing sweatpants with flip-flops and an old lady, sitting in a corner, is casting dirty looks at them.
It’s perfect.
"I don’t see why not"