Chapter Text
Kara stares down Myka across from the kitchen island, trying to keep the steely glare to her face. Myka’s own matches Kara’s, her fists clench tightly on either side of her plate.
“Three, two, one,” Alex counts off, “go!”
Kara and Myka both stuff their faces.
James, Winn, and Alex cheer them on, Alex keeping an eye on the clock running down on her phone. Kara chews as quickly as she can, taco sauce dripping off her chin. She looks up from her plate briefly and has to choke out a laugh; Myka hasn’t taken her eyes off Kara, there is way more sauce dripping off of her, and she’s halfway through her plate already. Kara quickens her pace.
“Thirty more seconds!” Alex calls out.
“This is the grossest, most insane thing I’ve ever seen,” Winn whispers towards James. “I love it.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat a taco again without picturing this,” James says back, a huge grin on his face.
“TIME!” Alex yells, and Kara and Myka both throw their hands up into the air.
“Annnnnd we have a winner,” Winn declares. “Kara!” Myka reaches out and shoves the last half of her taco into her mouth so that her plate matches Kara’s. “Nope!” Winn points towards her. “Cheating!”
Myka doesn’t bother swallowing as she swivels around and glares at him, sauce all down the front of her shirt. “What’s cheating?” she mumbles. Kara winces as a bit of taco falls out of her mouth.
“It’s when you’re being dishonest or unfair. If you do something that’s not allowed in order to win something. Basically, not playing by the rules,” Kara explains, reaching out and wiping at Myka’s mouth. It’s not much use, she’s definitely going to need a shower and new clothes.
Myka frowns, holding up her hands compliantly when Kara tugs her shirt up over her head. The sauce has already soaked through to the undershirt that Myka’s wearing. “But, that’s just good business,” she frowns, looking between Kara and everyone else. “You do whatever it takes, and then you’re the best. Like my dad. That’s how you run a kingdom. Right?”
Kara presses her lips together. The more that Myka tells her about Daxam, the more that all the stories Kara remembers from her childhood sound justified. “Not here. Not on Krypton either. Here, cheating and lying your way through life is bad.”
Myka’s frown deepens, her eyebrows narrowing into a little crinkle that’s beyond adorable. When Kara looks up at Alex, she’s laughing and motioning to her own eyebrows. Crinkle, she mouths, pointing at Kara smugly. She rolls her eyes and throws Myka’s dirty shirt at Alex’s head. “But we lie all the time,” Myka protests. “About Supergirl. About us being aliens. You said that we’re not allowed to tell Lena. Or your neighbors. Or Frank from work. So… is it bad or is it good?”
Well, shit. Kara looks over to Alex, a bit helplessly. “Um, that’s different,” she starts.
“Different how?” Myka asks.
“Well…”
Alex walks over, carrying Myka’s dirty shirt. “How ‘bout we hose you off while we explain?”
Myka looks down at herself and laughs. “But quick,” she demands, leaping off the stool and making a break for the bathroom. “I want a piggyback from James before he leaves.”
Kara rolls her eyes as James harrumphs triumphantly from behind her. “I can fly you higher than James can hold you,” she reminds Myka, for probably the eighth time. She is not jealous. Not at all. James flashes her a smug grin, and Kara, very petulantly, sticks her tongue out at him before following Myka and Alex. His laugh haunts her the whole way down the hall. “I can also throw James into space!” she yells out. His laugh only grows louder.
Alex has already got the shower running, and Myka is in it, conversing through the curtain as Alex tries soaking her shirt in the sink. “This is probably going to stain,” she frowns as Kara walks into the bathroom.
“I’m getting her a bib,” Kara announces, only half kidding. “For a princess, she’s way too messy. And Snapper does not pay me as well as Cat.”
She finds a clean t-shirt and a pair of soft leggings with a ridiculous colorful zig-zag pattern that Myka has fallen in love with, and places them on the counter.
Myka squeals from the shower, and then there is a thud. “I dropped the hair soap bottle!” she announces. “I didn’t fall!”
“Shampoo,” Kara supplies.
“No, it’s the other one,” Myka yells out over the water.
“Conditioner.”
“That one!”
Alex gives up trying to soak the shirt and tosses it into the hamper. “It might be okay if you bleach it. I’m gonna go fight Winn for the last brownie.”
“NO!” Myka yells in horror. “I didn’t get one!”
“You got five,” Kara reminds her.
“That was ages ago!”
“It was two hours ago,” Kara informs Alex. Her sister grins and heads past her, out of the bathroom. The water shuts off a second later and Myka yanks the curtain back with a flourish. She is not shy whatsoever about nudity. Apparently, on Daxam, she and her sisters actually had handmaidens who dressed them. Sometimes she still forgets to bother with it herself; she’ll just wander around the apartment in just a t-shirt and her underwear until Kara tackles her into a pair of pants. Part of Kara is happy that she’s not embarrassed about her body, the other part winces at the thought of her opening the apartment door to greet the mailman in nothing but her underwear again.
Kara rubs a towel over Myka’s hair, then holds out a hand to help her step out of the shower. “So,” Myka asks as she dries herself off. “Why do we have to lie to Lena, and Frank, and everyone about being aliens. But other lying is bad?”
Kara sits down on top of the closed toilet seat and sighs. “Because… not telling people about my identity as Supergirl is for protection. If people knew… they’d hound Eliza. Alex’s job would be much harder than it already is. My friends might get hurt by someone trying to get to me. And, I wouldn’t be able to keep my job at CatCo probably,” Kara frowns. “That’s… the selfish part. But the rest is to try and protect the people I care about. It’s why Clark keeps his identity a secret too. To protect the Kents and Lois. From people like Lex, or others who would exploit that if they could.”
Myka drops the towel unceremoniously to the floor and grabs the underwear, nearly crashing to the floor in her attempt to get both legs through the holes. Kara reaches out and steadies her. She keeps her hand out as Myka tugs the pair of leggings on. “So… we don’t tell Snapper and Frank and everybody so you can still work at CatCo, and so reporters don’t tell everyone?”
“Yep.”
Myka holds her arms up, forgetting to pull the shirt on herself. Kara just tosses it at her and she laughs, catching it and pulling it over her wet curls. “But,” there’s a deep frown on her face once she gets it over her head, fighting with the armholes until Kara takes pity and helps her. “We lie to Lena because of her brother?”
“Oh, no,” Kara stalls. “That’s not… no.”
Myka crosses her arms in front of her chest and cocks out a hip. So reminiscent of Alex when she’s had it with a DEO agent or some random asshole that Kara has to stifle a laugh. “So, why? Lena’s our friend.”
“Yes,” Kara picks the towel back up and gently tugs some of Myka’s hair over, squeezing it into the towel so she’s not just dripping all down the back of her shirt and onto the floor. “But…”
“But what?” Myka demands.
“It’s a little complicated,” Kara admits. “I’d like to tell her. But, we haven’t known each other for that long. And… honestly, the fewer people know the better. The more people who know, the harder it is to keep it a secret.”
Myka narrows her eyes.
“Slowpokes!” Alex yells from the living room. “Hurry up! Or the last brownie is gonna be gone for real!”
Myka’s eyes widen. Lena, forgotten entirely, and she’s out of the bathroom in an instant. By the time that Kara gathers everything into the hamper and joins her, she’s already monkeyed her way on top of James’s shoulders, happily licking her chocolatey fingers.
…
…
“When are we gonna see Lena again?” Myka asks, flopping herself down onto Kara’s bed at 7:00 am the next morning.
“Good morning to you, too,” Kara grumbles, pulling the blankets up higher around her.
Myka takes that as an invitation and crawls up the bed, laying down beside Kara. Above the covers. “It’s been a hundred years,” she groans.
“Alex took you to Lena’s office four days ago,” Kara reminds her.
“Four,” Myka rolls her body on top of Kara’s. “Whole,” she grips the sides of Kara’s face with both her palms. “Days,” she presses their faces as close as possible, noses touching. “Ago,” she finishes, with an exaggerated gasp. Releasing Kara’s face, she flops her entire body weight down on top of Kara’s and slams her chin down on Kara’s chest bone. Kara huffs at her and wiggles, trying to shake her off. “What if she needs me to sing to her like Frank?” she asks, unbothered by Kara’s attempts. “I have to sing to him at work every day. And he just writes about the sports things. Lena is a BOSS!”
Kara laughs, tugging her arms out from under the covers and holding Myka in place with a vice grip. “If we call her to see if she’s free this afternoon, will you read some more of that book Alex got you?”
“Ugh,” Myka groans. “It’s boring.”
“It’s stuff you need to know for school.”
“School sounds stupid. Why can’t I just have a tutor like I used to?”
“School isn’t boring! It’s fun. You’ll make friends, and learn more about Earth. Plus, it’s legally required. So you don’t really have an option. I can’t homeschool you. And tutors are expensive, probably.”
“I already have friends,” Myka protests. Kara takes this opportunity to float them both off the bed, pulling a smile out of Myka even as she objects. “You, Alex, and Lena. Plus, Winn, J’onn, James, and Frank. That’s plenty.”
Kara deposits her onto the floor and moves to make some coffee. There’s a chance that she’s never going to be able to sleep past eight ever again. She’s going to need to stock up on more coffee. The caffeine doesn’t really affect her, but the thought of it doing so helps.
“Friends who are your age,” Kara says.
“I was in the pod for,” she pauses, mouthing and counting with her fingers. Kara doesn’t think those tutors on Daxam spent enough of their time teaching her; basic math seems to elude Myka. “Thirty-nine years!”
“Thirty-seven,” Kara corrects her.
Myka frowns and sticks all her fingers out again. “So… I’m forty-six and a quarter? None of those kids at school will be my age.”
“No,” Kara sets three bananas down in front of her. Myka begins to peel them without comment. “You’re nine.”
Mouth full, Myka says, “For a really long time.”
“You were asleep. In stasis. It doesn’t count.”
“If it did though,” Myka digs in on the second banana. “I’d be older than you. And then I’d be the one in charge.”
Kara flings a bit of banana peel at Myka’s head. “God help us all.”
“What’s god?”
“Like Rao. For some people on Earth. There’s a lot of other names for it, with different cultures. Which,” Kara starts cracking eggs with gusto. “You could learn about. In school.”
“Or, you could just tell me,” she grins.
“Or, you could go to school and take a history class,” Kara counters.
Myka considers this as she throws her banana peels into the trash. Thankfully, she’s starting to remember that there are no servants here, and she has to clean up after herself now. “If we go see Lena every day, then I’ll go to school.”
“Sorry kiddo, I can’t promise that,” Kara’s starting to get a little worried about how much Myka seems attached to Lena already. She didn’t think too much of it until both Alex and James commented on it a few days ago. Kara likes Lena very much, but she’s a very busy woman, and Myka can be a little draining even if you want her around.
Plus, there is the whole, Kara is technically lying about herself and Myka not being quite human part, as Myka so helpfully continues to point out.
Kara hates keeping secrets from her friends. With each day that passes, she comes closer and closer to blurting it out to Lena, but Alex will kill her. It’s already bad enough that half of the agents in the DEO seem to know who she actually is underneath her suit.
“The eggs are burning,” Myka announces calmly. “Also, why not?”
“Shit,” Kara mumbles and turns the burner off, yanking the pan away from the flame. “Um, because… we don’t want to bother her. And every day seems excessive.”
“What’s excessive mean?”
“Too much.”
Myka clucks her tongue in disappointment and moves to dig into her eggs. The last person Kara was around who made that sort of casual dismissal of her words was Ms. Grant, which is just… surreal in so many ways. God, she wonders what Ms. Grant would make of Myka. They’d either get on better than anyone Kara’s ever met, maybe, or they’d loathe each other. Loudly.
But, Ms. Grant is gone now, so, there’s no real point in dwelling on it. Kara picks at her eggs slowly, pushing them around her plate.
“So, how about every day that I have to go to school then? How many days is that?”
“Five. School’s Monday through Friday.”
“WHAT?” Myka yells. “That much!”
“Not the entire day. It’s like… I dunno, eight until three or something.”
“No way José,” Myka shovels the rest of her eggs into her mouth and jumps off the stool. Running out of the living room and into what used to be Kara’s, office/studio/extra room, and is now her bedroom. Plus, a lot of art supplies.
“Where’d you learn that phrase?” Kara calls out in her normal voice, knowing that Myka can hear her just fine.
“Winn,” Myka calls back, much louder.
“Of course,” Kara mutters to herself. “If you come put your plate in the sink, then we can see if Lena can hang out later today.”
Myka is back in the kitchen in a flash. She’s coming close to being able to give Barry a run for his money, by now. Wally, for sure.
…
…
“Myka,” Kara hisses, “wait!”
Myka doesn’t listen. She bursts into Lena’s office, loudly proclaiming, “WE BROUGHT DONUTS! HAVE YOU EVER HAD THESE!?”
Kara sprints after her, apologizing to Jess and apologizing to Lena the minute that she locks eyes with her. Thank god there’s no one else in her office, and Lena doesn’t appear to have just hung up the phone in shock.
Though, shock is certainly the main expression on her face.
“I’m so, so sorry. I told her we had to wait until Jess let us in,” Kara directs towards Myka. Who, has already run around to Lena’s side of the desk, hopped on top of it, and is pushing a Boston Crème donut right under her nose.
“This is better than Hershey kisses,” she grins. “Try it.”
Lena laughs, taking the donut from Myka carefully and smiling. “I’ve had them before actually. And I disagree, though they are very good.”
“I’m sor—”
“I’m glad you came,” Lena says, looking up at Kara and beaming. “I was just thinking that I should be done working for the night. Perfect timing.”
“Look,” Myka pulls out another donut from the bag. “There are pink ones!”
Lena laughs, uninhibited in a way that Kara’s never seen from her before, and she stalls on her way over to the couch at the sight. It’s not until Lena looks back up at her, a bright smile accompanying her laughter, that Kara remembers to move.
As Kara sits down beside Myka, happily sitting between the two of them, chattering away about all the kinds of donuts that exist out there in the world, all Kara can suddenly think of, is one time that Winn was going on about something at CatCo. Kara can’t remember the main point to their conversation anymore, but he’d come around to a point where he’d been talking about facets of love and attraction, and how people know when it hits them. He’d might have actually been talking more about his love of a computer thing? Kara really can’t remember; she’ll have to ask him. The only bit that stuck in her brain was him saying, It’ll be all, wah-pow! She’d thought she knew what he was talking about, later on, when she met James for the first time, and finally learned what the Earth phrase butterflies in her stomach meant. But now, hearing Lena laugh like this, beaming at Kara and Myka, and gamely trying every single last donut that Myka asks of her, all Kara can think of now is: wah-pow.
That’s not good. That’s not going to make her life less complicated at all.
She shoves three donuts into her mouth in a panic, then promptly blacks out for the rest of the conversation. Jerking when a hand rests lightly on top of her knee and she’s met with Lena’s slightly concerned face saying, “Kara?” so softly it burns.
“Sorry,” she blinks. “What?”
“Myka feel asleep,” Lena points to the lump between them, her solid little head knocked into Lena’s side. “I asked if you wanted to wake her.”
“Um,” Kara brushes non-existent donut crumbs off her fingers and rises from the couch. “No, it’ll be easier just to carry her actually. She usually takes forever to fall asleep. If I can keep her that way, I’m going for it,” she jokes. Then, bites at her bottom lip. Maybe that makes her sound like a terrible guardian. “I mean, I just…”
“Sounds like a good plan,” Lena says with a soft smile. “But Kara, you don’t have a car. She’s nine. It would get heavy even if she were a toddler. There’s no way that you can carry her all the way home. Let my driver drop you off. I’ve just got to call him.”
“Oh, really Lena, that’s fine,” Kara tries to say, but Lena waves her off, insisting. There isn’t really a great way to say, I can just fly us back in like two seconds, without actually saying it, so Kara just clamps her mouth shut and nods. “Thank you.”
As Kara bends to lift Myka off Lena, Lena tries to help push her up into Kara’s arms, and they sort of weirdly end up half holding each other’s hands for a few seconds. Wah-pow, rings out over and over in Kara’s head as she laughs sheepishly and follows Lena out of the office and down to the lobby. It’s the most awkward that she’s felt around Lena since the day that she met her. For entirely different reasons. Lena seems confused by Kara’s sudden silence, and Kara wishes that she could think of literally anything to say right now apart from fucking wah-pow.
She is going to kill Winn tomorrow. Definitely.
“Do you need any help getting her up?” Lena asks, and Kara snaps back to attention for the second time that evening. They’re already at her apartment building.
“No, I got her,” Kara slides out of the town car carefully, shifting Myka, and hesitating beside the open door. “Thanks though. She… well, she’s been bugging me about seeing you for like a full week. Thanks for indulging her.”
Lena smiles up at Kara warmly, her gaze dropping down to Myka’s face for a moment. “Well,” she swallows, seemingly at a loss for words.
“We’ll have to do it again soon,” Kara says, quickly. Thrilled when the lost look that was on Lena’s face disappears. Replaced with a small smile. “Maybe a few less donuts,” she jokes. “But still, soon?”
“I’d like that,” Lena says. “Have a good night Kara.”
“You too,” Kara says, and then the door is closing, and the car pulls away from the curb. “Wah-pow,” Kara whispers angrily.
“What’s that?” Myka grumbles, her face tucking further into Kara’s neck.
“Probably something that’s going to end badly. The opposite of donuts,” Kara says as she walks into the building.
“Puking?” Myka offers sleepily.
“Honestly, that’s a possibility,” Kara groans.
“Gross.”
…
…
Lena hasn’t been out to a bar in ages. (Years, probably.) She’s not sure what spurs it on exactly, other than the fact that she can’t stand the thought of sitting in her apartment for a minute longer. Having a staring contest with a half-blank document, full of all of the meager information that she’s managed to gather on Cadmus so far.
She snaps the laptop shut with slightly more force than is necessary, and is dressed and out of the apartment before she can put too much thought into it.
(She probably should have put some more thought into it.)
The bass from the music in the club is so loud that Lena nearly turns around and walks right back out. But the thought of lying in her bed, desperate for sleep and unable to quiet her mind makes her more nauseous than the music, so she heads for the bar. Determined.
The bartender, an older butch woman, whose nametag reads Sue, has her nails painted a shade of neon yellow that Lena can’t stop staring at, and snaps her gum as she passes over Lena’s drink, without making a single crack about the non-alcoholic version that she asks for. She makes easy small talk, her accent washing over Lena, and reminding her of a nanny that Lillian hired when she was about six and Lex was twelve. A plain, slightly round grad student from a backwater town that Lena’s still never heard of, all these years later. She doled out hugs like they were nothing, with a bright smile, and would say y’all in a way that made Lena wish that she could taste sound, just to see if it would glide like sweet tea over her tongue. Lillian fired her within two months and snapped harshly every time that Lena said y’all, until the urge disappeared entirely.
Sue says it the same way, rolling off her tongue and filling Lena up with warmth as she winks and turns to help another customer. An easy, “Holler at me when you want a refill honey,” that doesn’t sound condescending or forced as she turns away. Lena tucks a hundred dollar bill into her tip jar when she’s not looking.
Lena nurses her drink for a few minutes, sipping at it slowly and wondering if it’s possible to feel more awkward than she does right now. Two women come up and hit on her in the span of half an hour, and though one of them seems genuine and is stunning, they both make the hairs on Lena’s arms raise. Everyone does, these days.
When a hand gently touches her shoulder, Lena flinches, ready to bolt and call for her bodyguard, but the familiar voice stops her. “Of all the gin joints, in all the… how does it go?” Alex scrunches up her face, her hand falling away as she leans down onto the bar with both elbows. “I haven’t seen that movie in forever. Kara would know,” she meets Lena’s eye, and that’s when Lena realizes that Alex is as awkward and jittery as she feels right now, though probably for an entirely different reason. “Hi,” she says. “Small world huh?”
Lena laughs. “Apparently, smaller every day.”
Sue comes back over before either of them can say anything else, that warm drawl sinking right into Lena’s marrow. “Hey, doll, what can I get for ya?”
Alex flinches, her whole body tensing as she stares at Sue. Lena tracks the way Alex looks her up and down, getting tenser and looking younger with each passing second. And then she remembers, how new this all is to Alex. How terrifying. God, Lena didn’t go to a gay bar until she’d been out for years. Barring one misstep in high school. Alex is infinitely braver than she will probably ever be. She has also been kinder to Lena than anyone else that she’s met in the last few years—save Kara—and there is an odd protective feeling that grows underneath her skin as she watches Alex flounder.
Lena elbows her, lightly. “So, how’s Myka?”
It’s the right question to jolt Alex back to life. She eases down onto the stool beside Lena and orders a rum and coke, not quite meeting Sue’s eye, but her words come out naturally. “Oh, she’s good. Eating all the chocolate that she can find. Charming all of Kara’s neighbors,” she shrugs. “Pretty good, all things considered.”
“And Kara?” Lena asks, hoping that there’s no hitch to her breath. Nothing more than one friend inquiring about another. Alex’s eyebrow goes up, just a tick, but her face is neutral and unreadable as she accepts her drink, and takes a sip before answering Lena.
“She’s pretty good too. Same old Kara,” she pauses. “How about you?”
“Pardon?”
Alex smirks and takes another sip of her drink. “How are you, Lena?” she asks, an amused, teasing quality to her tone.
“Busy,” she admits. “But fine.”
Alex hums, and the two of them drift into an awkward silence. They don’t know each other very well, and the two people who’ve served as buffers in their past interactions aren’t here to help at the moment. The only thing that Lena can think of that they have in common is their queerness; hence, the bar they’re both currently sitting in.
“So,” Lena draws the word out. “How are things going with… Maggie? Was that her name?” she asks. Alex stiffens as if Lena has just made a threat to her life, and looks about five seconds away from bolting. Lena curses internally; this is why she has no friends. “I’m sorry,” she adds. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. I just figured…” Lena shrugs, “I know what it feels like to realize that you have feelings for a girl, come out, and have it blow up in your face. Granted, I was fourteen and then teased mercilessly by the entire student body before getting publically outed a few years later. So, I think you’ve got one up on me,” Lena laughs, just this side of bitter. When she finally looks over and meets Alex’s eye, there’s a fierce glare resting on her face.
“What happened?” she asks.
“Oh, you know,” Lena twirls the straw around in her drink. “Rich girls who have too much time on their hands in boarding school. I think you’ve met her actually. She calls herself Roulette now,” says Lena. Alex’s glare deepens and Lena lets out a sigh. “I got over it. Plus, Lex got revenge somehow. I went back my sophomore year and everyone left me alone.” Lena still doesn’t know what he did. Now, with everything, she’s not sure that she ever wants to. “It didn’t last long. Reporters always wanted to get the latest scoop on the Luthor family. Paparazzi caught me sneaking into a gay bar when I was seventeen, and it was the headline the next morning. My mother nearly had an aneurysm.”
Alex's hands clench into fists beside her drink, and her voice is flat when she says, “You were a minor. How were they allowed to print that?”
Lena chugs the dregs of her drink, the syrup at the bottom congealing and cold. “Alex, people printed whatever they wanted about Lex and me. My father being in the public eye made it fair game, sometimes. Most of the time.”
“How’d he take it?” Alex asks, carefully.
Lena smiles. “He got the person fired, and blacklisted. And he made it very clear that he’d do the same to the next person who tried to make his daughter’s love life a public spectacle. Not that I had one,” she adds blithely. “People either wanted to use me for my status, or were too afraid to get roped into everything that comes with being around a Luthor.” Her throat catches, and she can’t push the bitterness out of her voice. “Not that that’s changed much.”
“Lena—”
“So, all things considered,” she presses on, not allowing any of Alex’s pity to touch her. “I’d say that you’re doing great so far.”
Alex, either notices that Lena won’t accept her pity, or wants to change the subject herself. She smiles, if a little forced, and chugs the remains of her drink as well. “Well, sure. So far rejection, and losing the only other queer friend that I’ve had is going great.”
“That’s too hard anyway,” Lena says. “If the person that you’re dating is your only other queer sounding board. It can get messy.”
“Well,” Alex shrugs. “It’s not like I’ve got many other options. Making friends has never really been my strong suit,” she laughs, a bitter hoarse thing that might actually not be a laugh at all. It’s so familiar that Lena’s chest clenches. “My sister is basically my only friend.”
Lena could keep her mouth shut. She almost does, but, “Lex was my only friend,” she says softly. Alex turns her head, meeting Lena’s eye. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, and Lena knows that she probably looks as shaky as Alex right now. “Guess we have that in common,” she tilts her empty glass towards Alex.
Alex looks down at it, then back up at Lena. A ragged laugh escapes her, and she lifts her glass over and clinks it with Lena’s. “I’ve heard that’s bad luck. If they’re empty.”
Lena’s laugh is far more ragged than Alex’s will probably ever be. “The worst thing that could have happened, already happened to me.”
Alex stares. For a good two minutes full of silence while Lena shifts uncomfortably and very nearly gets up and bolts for the bathroom. She appears to be working through something, and Lena’s not sure that she wants to know the answer. Finally, Alex’s spine straightens, and then one of her hands slides over and clasps itself with Lena’s, deliberate. She steels herself and meets Lena’s eye and says, “I’m sorry, about Lex. Of everything else he did — that was a shitty thing. As a brother. I can’t even imagine ever leaving Kara alone like that,” the hand that’s holding Lena’s tightens. “That’s on him, not you. For the record,” she adds, a dry laugh escaping her. “If you’re anything like Kara, you’re probably blaming yourself. But, that’s total bullshit. If he was even a halfway decent brother, he wouldn’t do that to you.” Some part of Lena’s head explodes—she’s sure of it, there’s a pop in her brain loud enough to actually be a gunshot; somehow, she doesn’t flinch when Alex squeezes her hand again and finishes her sentence. “It just sort of seems like no one’s said that to you. That it’s not your fault. So,” Alex trails off, losing steam and looking awkward again, but she doesn’t let go of Lena’s hand.
Lena swallows roughly. “Thanks,” she manages to croak out, but she’s not sure if Alex can hear her over the music.
Sue comes over and refills Alex’s drink. Doesn’t comment on the fact that they’re still holding hands, and barely looking over at each other, and Lena almost pulls out her purse to give her another tip after she leaves, but Alex speaks up first. “So, um,” her hand slips out of Lena’s, but she stays leaning in towards her a bit. Like she doesn’t want Lena to think that she’s been dismissed or something. “Look, I don’t really know how to say this, and… Kara probably won’t, and I really don’t want it to come off as harsh, but I don’t really know how to say it without just saying it—”
“Spit it out, by all means,” says Lena, a little brusquely.
Alex sighs. “Look, Myka is kind of attached to you.” It’s… not at all where Lena thought that Alex was going with this, and she stalls, blinking and watching as Alex begins to fidget with her hands. “And you… you’re under no obligations to her whatsoever,” she insists. “But she’s been through a lot. And she’s lost a lot of people.” There is definitely more to that then she is letting on. And again, something in The Danvers Family Isn’t What It Seems list ticks off another box in Lena’s mind. Alex pauses, biting down on her lower lip, as if to stop herself from adding something. Lena opens her mouth, to say what, she doesn’t really know, but Alex beats her to it. “She’s asked about you more in the last couple of weeks than anyone she’s met since coming to National City. Literally, every other word out of her mouth is, Lena this, and Lena that,” Alex laughs and tries to catch Lena’s eye, offering up a smile. Lena sort of wants to claw it off her face. Anything, to get her to stop talking about this anymore. “You made an impression,” her smile drops into something serious. “So, if… a really excitable nine-year-old isn’t something that you can handle—which is absolutely fine—you gotta tell me and Kara now. Before it gets worse. We just… we can’t set her up for any more disappointment or hurt.”
Lena clenches her teeth together, her jaw stiff until she sucks in a breath and forces it loose. “I’m sorry,” she says, like an errant child. She hates Alex then, in a sudden flash. She’s not her kid sister; she’s not some lost little girl in need of nurturing and some bullshit pseudo second family. She can’t believe not two seconds ago, Alex treating her that way had felt amazing; everything she wanted. She’s a Luthor, a CEO, their friend, and they ought to treat her like it. “I didn’t know that my only options were to sign adoption papers in order to talk to a child more than three times, or never to see her again. God forbid the big bad Luthor be a disappointment,” she snaps, seeing red.
Alex blinks, then her hands jerk out, and for one horrible moment, Lena thinks she might be trying to reach out and hug her, but then her hands freeze halfway across the bar. “That’s not… I didn’t mean it like that, Lena—”
“No,” Lena bites out, throwing some money down on top of the bar and grabbing her purse. “Of course not. No one ever means it like that,” she pushes off of the stool and stalks through the bar, knowing Alex is following behind. “And yet, everyone says it like that. God, I can’t believe I actually thought you and your sister were different.”
“Lena,” the word falls out of Alex with a horrible quiet hitch, and Lena’s stomach flips. She’s only ever gained that sort of pity from nannies throughout the years. Once, from Jess. It only serves to fuel her rage. She’d much rather have someone be disgusted by her than pity her.
“Save it, I’ll be sure never to speak to any of you again,” and it’s pathetic, how much that thought hurts. How she can’t stop the image of Kara’s bright smile from flashing before her eyes painfully. Myka’s crushing hug. Alex’s hand, determined and strong held in her own, only moments before.
“Lena, wait,” Alex’s hand is on her again, just as purposefully as before. She grips Lena’s bicep, holding her in place, far more gently than seems possible. “Kara will kill me if I hurt your feelings and fuck something up. Please, wait,” she begs.
Lena pulls her arm back, crossing them over her chest and lifting her eyebrows at Alex impatiently.
“That seriously wasn’t what I meant,” she starts. “It has nothing to do with you being a Luthor. And no one is saying that you’ve got to sign up to be a goddamn parent. Jesus, even Kara and I aren’t doing that. Or, not really,” her mouth twists into a frown. “I don’t know,” she admits. “We’re really just trying not to screw her life up even more than it already is,” she sighs. “I just wanted you to know that Myka basically considers you to be her new best friend. And I know that you’ve got a lot going on, with your company and everything. I just meant… hanging out with a kid isn’t everyone’s thing,” Alex shrugs and looks genuine when she says, “that’s fine. But if it is, could you just let us know ahead of time if you’re gonna have to bail for a work thing? So we can prepare her. That’s all I meant,” she laughs, tugging a hand through her hair and looking vastly uncomfortable and worried. “Hell, Kara and I both have jobs where we’ve got to drop everything and go at a weird moment’s notice. We’re adjusting too. It’s just that, I mean it’s sort of our job to. She’s… family,” there’s the weird pause again. Alex speaks quicker, as if to try and cover it. “But you’re under no such obligations. I was just trying to give you an out, if you want it. I swear to god, no judgment,” she holds up her hands, huffing out a breath and refusing to drop Lena’s gaze for even a moment. If Lena wasn’t still sort of furious with her, she’d be impressed.
She almost presses Alex on the weird pause. Almost opens her mouth to demand answers. Full honesty. If it wasn’t Alex standing before her right now, if it were Kara, she would. But, Lena won’t ever get any answers out of Alex. Not about this. Alexandra Danvers would quite literally die before giving up anything about her sister, Lena’s known that since the moment she met her.
She is a much better sibling than Lex, nearly all things considered.
The anger evaporates, just like that. Lena takes one step back, lets out a breath, and it drains from her posture as her shoulders settle and her hands fall down to her sides. “Right, well…” she doesn’t know how to apologize for freaking out and jumping to conclusions. She’s embarrassed and furious with herself, and she wants to erase the last ten minutes from existence.
Alex saves her yet again. It might be a staple trait that’s developing in their relationship. “Guess I’m as shitty at making friends as I thought.”
It’s painfully untrue. All Alex Danvers has done since the moment that Lena met her was try to make her feel comfortable. Even when she really, really didn’t have to. Lena is the one who doesn’t know how to make friends. “You’re not,” she insists.
Someone bumps into her, calling out a ‘sorry’ over their shoulder as Lena teeters in place. Alex’s hands reach out and steady her without thought, and it only further serves to make Lena feel like an asshole. This sort of conversation is pretty much the opposite of the kind of thing Lena is good at, but if Alex can swallow her pride, so can she. “Want another drink?” she asks, a little more sharply than she’d been going for.
She’s rewarded by a slow, startled smile, and Alex starts to nod, when her phone goes off. She winces and grabs for it, apologetic when she looks back up. “I do, but… rain check? There’s some sort of alien fight going on in the south side.”
Lena doesn’t love the fact that she’s grateful to be interrupted. She’d been prepared to sit there in awkward silence until she gathered up the courage to try and make small talk again, but that doesn’t mean she was looking forward to it. “Sure,” she crosses her arms back in front of her again. “Rain check sounds fine.”
Alex nods, jamming her phone back into her pocket and leading them out of the club. She laughs awkwardly, shifting on her weight and glancing all around as they exit. Lena remembers that tonight, might be the first time that Alex has ever stepped foot inside anything designated for queer people, and Lena all but attacked her.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “About…”
“No, me too. It’s,” Alex laughs. “Me too.”
“About Myka…” she trails off and Alex waits, even though she probably has to get going. They’re nowhere near the south side right now. “Um, I’m not sure…”
“You don’t have to know right now,” Alex shrugs. “Just think about it.”
Lena nods. “Alright. Um, be careful.”
Alex smirks and jams out her hand, hailing a cab. “Will do.” There’s a complicated flash of emotions to her face, and then the smirk is back; easy and teasing, and it’s familiar until Lena realizes it’s how she looks at Kara. “See ya later, Luthor,” she calls out, and climbs into the cab.
It’s not until Lena is halfway home herself that she realizes, Alex called her ‘Luthor’ deliberately, and Lena didn’t notice. That Alex thought about it, and made the choice and smiled while she did it. Smiled at Lena in the same way that she smiles at her little sister. It’s the first time in a long time that being called by her name hasn’t felt like an insult or a weapon. Perhaps it wasn’t such a horrible idea for Lena to force herself out of her apartment after all.
…
…
She wakes up to a text message from an unknown number the next morning. Halfway through making herself coffee and picking at a bowl of yogurt and fruit, her phone goes off.
[06:04 am] I hope you’re asleep, and I hope I’m not waking you, (Kara’s told me the crazy hours you keep, stop that. Also she gave me your number) but I’m just getting home (alien crisis averted!) and abt to crash. So, before I forget, I meant it abt the rain check. It’d be nice to have a friend to talk abt Maggie with who like, gets it.
[06:05 am] plus you can tell me all abt the girls you’ve dated. That’s a thing friends do right? All my college friends never used to shut up abt how many guys they’d been with.
Lena laughs into her coffee. She really never thought much about Alex until now, other than as an extension of Kara. It’s nice, to find that she actually likes her separate from that. If Lena didn’t scare her off last night, there’s a good chance she can actually manage to do this friend thing. If nothing else, it won’t be complicated by constant thoughts about wanting to kiss her like her friendship with Kara. Not that Alex Danvers isn’t attractive, but thankfully, the urge is entirely absent.
Lena’s life is complicated enough right now, thank you very much.
She adds Alex to her contacts in her phone and hurries to head off to work. Nodding hello to her driver, she pulls her phone back out to respond to Alex.
[06:15 am] I’m always awake this early, you wouldn’t be waking me. I’m glad that you’re alright and the crisis has been averted. I meant it about the rain check as well, but perhaps get some sleep first.
[Alex Danvers 06:17 am] crashing now : ) have a good day!
Lena clicks her phone off. She hasn’t really been able to stop thinking about Alex’s question of her presence in Myka’s life since coming home last night. She has no unearthly idea what to think. She likes Myka, sure. It’s easy to like Myka in a casual sort of way. She’s goofy and charming, and very enthusiastic about food and hugs. But, the idea of a child being so attached to her, expecting things from her… it’s a little unnerving. Lena doesn’t really have anything to offer, beyond an endless supply of expensive chocolate.
But, Myka is sort of… a package deal with Kara now. Like Alex. And Lena… doesn’t know what to do with that. Other than take the knowledge that her life has been infinitely better with Kara’s friendship, and decide to lean into it.
“Can you understand being alone for so long, that you would go out in the middle of the night and put a bucket into the well, so you could feel something down there tug at the other end of the rope?” Lena mutters to herself.
“What?” Jess shocks her. Lena hadn’t noticed her coming into the office.
She sits up with a jerk, smoothing down the front of her blouse. Unnecessarily. “It’s from The Abandoned Valley, by Jack Gilbert,” she explains. Jess’s face looks like she is about to have a lot more to say about that, but Lena’s phone rings, and then Jess’s line starts going off as well. “Time to greet the day,” Lena arches an eyebrow and picks up her phone. Noting that it takes much longer than usual for Jess to back out of her office and leave her alone. “Lena Luthor,” she says into her phone. “How can I help you?”
She’ll have to figure out what to do about the rope some other time.