Work Text:
Akutagawa kicked a rock. Missions aftermaths were always boring as shit, especially after fighting with Atsushi for the whole day and into the now-dusk. He ignored how he kicked it straight into Atsushi’s face. It was the weretiger's fault for sitting in the line of fire though. Akutagawa coughed as he heard a loud yelp from next to him.
"Whoops."
"You swept that thing towards me on purpose. I’ll fucking fry you if you do that again.” Atsushi bit. He was too sleep deprived to actually bite.
Akutagawa scoffed like a petty cat. “I dare you.”
“Don’t even. I’ll fuck you up like I would an empanada.” The mental image was a bit graphic but it got the job done.
“I’d like to see you try. You’re basically a twig. If a strong wind came you'd be lifted up and thrown across the city.” He ignored that Atsushi was actually pretty muscular, and definitely more muscular than he was.
He let out a small sigh and looked into the sky. Who knew it could be so calming to ignore the annoying man in his vicinity. If he could do this all day, he would.
“I’ll punch you into next Friday." Atsushi rudely raised his voice, super inconsiderate of Akutagawa's attempt at mental peace. "Don’t test me again I swear to you.”
“Go for it.” Akutagawa yawned. Empty threats were quite boring.
Atsushi let out the fattest most frustrated groan ever in the history of the world after sliced bread. “You suck ass!”
Akutagawa shrugged. Atsushi didn’t shrug. He was pissed. So pissed in fact that he started to reflect on everything.
Spying on someone was an easy thing to do solo, but Akutagwa kept telling him to stop breathing in order to concentrate and well, Atsushi may or may not have bit his arm. Details aren't important. They would have given each other the silent treatment after the non-existent bite, but they kept silently arguing over the smallest things. That left them here: information gathered but at each others throats. Waiting until they could be told to leave was going to be torture.
Atsushi sat there marinating in his anger and brainstormed out loud. “You know, we have such a rocky partnership—“
“—not my fault.”
"Sure, buddy." Atsushi wanted to strangle this dude. He sat up angrily and continued. “We argue so much, it gets in the way of our work. There has to be something we can do to fix that. But… just what…” Atsushi directed his face towards the new moon. He thought, and thought, and maybe thought some more, then landed on something. He slapped a fist into his other palm.
The noise made Akutagawa's face Atsushi again. Mental peace would not be achieved with him around anyways, so he had given up. “What did you think up this time?”
“I’ve got it!” Atsushi smirked, pride beaming from his face. “Heh, I’m so good.”
“What is it? I don’t have all night.”
Atsushi put his hands on his hips like a teacher about to give a lecture. “Theoretically, when two people are strangers, they don’t know anything about the other, right?”
Akutagawa rolled his eyes. “Yes. Thank you for explaining the definition of strangers.”
Atsushi didn’t listen to his pessimistic ass. “After that, they somehow become more. To become friends they have to grow closer, and to become lovers they have to grow even closer than that.”
“Where did you get lovers!?”
“Well…" Atsushi thought a bit. "Lovers are like, supposed to act as if in they’re in sync. We also have to do that—to work better, of course. Nothing else. Get with the times, dude.” He continued after the small Q and A. “How do those strangers grow close though, you may ask? Well, they ask each other questions and stuff. You have friends, right? You talk to them and get to know them. But that leaves a question: how do those friends become lovers, knowing how to communicate without speech? Well, they use their body.”
Akutagawa just stared at him perplexed. “I’m not having sex with you.”
“That’s not what I’m saying! You have other parts of your body besides your dick!” Atsushi rolled his eyes. “We have to kiss. It’s the only way.”
“…”
“…”
“No.”
“We have to!” Atsushi begged. “Did you not hear me before? It’s the only way to get closer and be better partners!"
"There has to be another way. There is absolutely no chance that I will kiss you." Akutagawa argued at the same high volume as his partner.
"How else are we supposed to understand each other without words? The best way to read our body language is to feel it, together; to use it to our advantage and move as one. How else do we do that other than a kiss?”
“Sex.” Akutagawa stated simply. "Sex allows you to move as one. Which we will not be having."
That caused Atsushi to become bright red. “Will you stop with that! You keep mentioning it like you want to do it.”
Akutagawa immediately covered his blush with his palm. He did not want to fuck Atsushi, but if he kept referencing intercourse how could he not think of it?
Atsushi was irritated but continued his monologue with a demand. “Come here.” He pointed to the ground in front of him. “Akutagawa Ryunosuke, you will kiss me to ensure this partnership.”
Akutagawa stood with his arms crossed absolutely perplexed. “No. Fucking. Way.” He annunciated slowly. "I refuse."
Atsushi stood strong. “Well then, what else could we do to become better, huh? What else?”
Akutagawa did not say the first thing on his mind, in order to not somehow manifest it into happening. “…”
Atsushi nodded smugly at his silence. “I’m surprised you didn’t say sex this time.”
“Silence.”
“Come here.” Atsushi pointed again. “Now. I don’t have all night.” He said the last part is a surprisingly good impression of the mafioso.
Akutagwa hesitated—was he really about to kiss the Jinko for the sake of a steady relationship? It sounded crazier than the concept of groundhog day. But he gave in.
It's this or sex.
He rolled his eyes and walked over, awkwardly standing way too close before asking “tell me, how do I do this?”
Atsushi thought for a second. “I think…just like—I don’t know—do what you see on TV?”
Akutagawa didn't watch a lot of TV. He tried racking his brain on any kissing he'd ever seen, only remembering a scene in a show he'd watched with Gin once.
The main character had rested their arms on the others shoulders, so Akutagawa did just that. Then, they leaned in while tilting their head a bit. Akutagawa did just that, glancing down at Atsushi's lips to make sure they aligned with his perfectly. Finally, they just had to bring their faces together. Akutagawa glanced at Atsushi, for consent of course (the other nodding enthusiastically), before looking down again.
He closed his eyes as moved his head forward, connecting their lips. He then practically pushed Atsushi as far as he could and wiped his mouth onto his sleeve while spitting out the excess germs the cat had given him. “Absolutely wretched.”
“Hey! That was barely anything!” Atsushi complained after he got up after the floor. It seemed Akuatagawa's push had thrown him onto the floor. Whatever…
“How many people do you see hit their partners on TV!?”
“Many.” Akutagawa lied.
“Are you watching domestic abuse documentaries daily? The hell do you mean many?” Atsushi asked exasperated. “Do it again, and this time don't push me again or else I'll bite you again.”
Akutagawa's offense showed clearly on his face. “Excuse me? I’m will not kiss you again. Just a second of it made me nauseous. My bile is still trying to escape my mouth.”
“Akutagawa.” Atsushi deadpanned. “It’s this or sex.”
“…”
“Come kiss me again like a loving husband before one of us has to take it up the ass.”
Akutagawa took in the deepest breathe before moping over. “Just one more. That will be all.” He announced while putting his arms back onto Atsushi's shoulder. His pride was eroding like rocks being abused by ocean waves for thousands of years. Except, the erosion was faster than that, so maybe he should say something else…Whatever. Figuring out a better simile would not make this any better.
“It better be the best kiss ever, then.” Atsushi challenged. "So good that if someone sees us they'll be jealous they're not getting kissed like this."
Akutagawa clicked his tongue in irritation. “As if you can tell the difference between a good kiss and a bad one. I'd be shocked if the one we just shared was not your first.”
“As if anyone liked you enough to give you a kiss! Admit it, we’re in the same damn boat you vampire!”
“Excuse me—!?”
“You heard me. You're torturing me because you're lusting after vengeance; attacking those who aren't as insecure as you. Unlike you, my shame does not lie with that being my first kiss, only that I shared it with you. You're trying to make me insecure about my inexperience so you can live off of my sadness like a cannibalistic parasite." Atsushi hissed. "…And you're pale with sharp teeth."
Akutagawa was vehemently offended. He was not a vampire, nor was he as insecure as Atsushi was saying. In fact, he didn't care if that was his first kiss or if it was his hundredth, he simply hated how it was with the weretiger.
Akutagawa grabbed Atsushi's head and smashed their faces together. He kept them together for 5 seconds, then 10, adjusting their position until their face aligned correctly. Atsushi parted the contact for a quick breathe before coming back. Akutagawa bit the others lip to express his anger, and the weretiger did not seem to mind actually. What a freak.
Atsushi would not back down after this, either. He grabbed Akutagawa's hips and moved them incredibly close to his own. The lewdness was impossible to ignore, especially considering the small noise that Akutagawa let out. He channeled his embarrassment into his kiss, bringing himself closer to Atsushi to the point the detective bent backwards due to the force.
They continued kissing each other ravenously like hungry little stray dogs, exploring the others mouth and body. Akutagawa was surprised to find Atsushi was, in fact, quite muscular. Any bystander would assume they were madly in love; a couple too excited to get a room, but this could not be farther from the truth. True enemies showed their hatred with a sloppy kiss.
After what could not be described as a make out session, Akutagawa exited Atsushi's immediate space, out of breath. Atsushi was also out of breath from the not-a-make-out-session. They kept their positions: Atsushi bend backwards slightly with his hands in Akutagawa’s hair, and with Akutagawa grabbing Atsushi’s waist with his chest pressed into Atsushi’s. They stared at each other with hatred and nothing else at all.
“Wow.” Atsushi said dumbly after a few seconds. “I—oh my god—I didn’t expect that.”
“Expect what?” Akutagawa asked still staring at Atsushi’s flushed face.
“That. I didn't think you'd take me seriously.” Atsushi admitted. “My heart is racing right now.”
“Are you satisfied with that—?” Akutagawa asked, still catching his breathe. “—with that kiss?”
“Yeah." Atsushi nodded slowly. "Yeah, definitely.”
“My heart is beating fast with fury.”
"Mine too." Atsushi agreed just to talk.
They stood there for a bit, drowning in their mutual hatred with no romantic undertones. Eventually Akutagawa pulled away and coughed into his hand.
“I will admit, that was a good proposal, weretiger. One good idea in a sea of subpar-ness.”
Atsushi was still out of it. “Huh? Oh—“ if you knocked on his head in that moment it would be empty, “yeah yeah. Better than that sex idea.”
Akutagawa didn’t know about that one honestly. "Perhaps we can test which is better another day." He immediately changed subjects to ensure Atsushi did not process what he just said. "This should become regular for us, because of how efficient it proved to be.”
“No, yeah. One hundred percent.” Atsushi nodded while running his hands through his hair. “Did you make my lip bleed?”
Akutagawa shrugged. “It’s only the price of a blooming trust.”
Atsushi nodded. How he believed that, no one will ever know.
The two were allowed to go home soon afterwards with one conclusion: kissing your enemy turned partner made you more alive, not because of any unrealized romantic feelings, but because of the anger it let out. Nothing else, of course.
Yeah.