Chapter Text
Neteyams pov
Neteyam stared out the car window with a blank expression. He could hear his family in the background, talking. His mother tried to make small talk with her children, but only Tuk, who was too young to understand the tense silence, responded cheerfully. Tuk had been sad when she heard that they were moving and that she would have to leave her friends, but now she was just excited to see their new home and meet lots of new friends.
Neteyams sister Kiri sat quietly next to Neteyam, studying him. Trying to see what was bothering him. His sister was warm hearted and could read people's feelings instantly, she was always there for anyone who needed it.
But Neteyam didn't want any help.
No comfort.
No pitying glances.
He just wanted…
To feel nothing. To drift away into emptiness and let the darkness inside him consume him. He didn't feel anything anymore and he hadn't done that in a very long time.
The only times he felt anything real, maybe almost happiness was when he used to take drugs and drink with Spide...NO.
He forced the memories away. He shouldn't think about those memories, he must put them behind him now. He dug his nails deep into his skin, leaving marks.
He slaps himself hard right across the cheek to stop the thoughts. The car goes completely silent, his mother gasps.
Oh fuck!
Neteyam thinks before his father Jake looks at him in the rearview mirror. "What was that about?" Jake asks. Neteyam doesn't answer, instead he looks down and clenches his fists to stop them from shaking. "Speak up boy, now. No excuses” he said harsh.
Neteyam bit his lip in an attempt to keep his temper. "No sir, it was nothing, sorry sir" he finally manages to get out in a neutral voice.
No emotions.
No weakness.
Just like his father has taught him his whole life. Because he is the big brother. The one who should be strong and never show any weakness, not even in front of his own family.
“Neteyam? Answer my question” his father said. But Neteyam did not hear it because he was already leaning against the cold window, letting his thoughts drift away once more.
The silence in the car was deafening. Even Tuk was quiet now wondering why her beloved brother would slap himself.
It was a familiar silence.
And so was pretending.
Pretending he was okay.
Pretending he wasn't falling apart.
Pretending he could still be the perfect son.
The perfect brother.
The shield.
He wondered how much longer he could keep wearing that mask...
Before it finally shattered.
Lo’aks pov
Lo'ak couldn't stop staring at his brother.
Neteyam hadn't moved since Jake stopped talking. His brother was still leaning against the cold window, his eyes fixed on the passing trees outside.
Lo'ak swallowed hard.
He remembered when those eyes used to be full of life.
Before everything.
Before that night.
Before Spider.
His chest tightened as the memories forced their way back into his mind.
He remembered laughing with Spider and Neteyam only a few months ago. It felt like a lifetime now.
Spider had always been the loud one. Always making stupid jokes that somehow managed to make both brothers laugh.
Neteyam would always roll his eyes before laughing.
Now...
The silence inside the car hurt more than any words ever could. Lo'ak glanced down at his hands. He could still remember the panic that night.
Calling for help.
Watching the ambulance doors slam shut.
Sitting in the hospital hallway while doctors rushed past him.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Then hearing that Spider wasn't coming back.
Lo'ak squeezed his eyes shut.
He still couldn't believe it.
Sometimes he expected Spider to suddenly appear beside them again, wearing that stupid grin and complaining about something.
But he never would.
His eyes drifted back to Neteyam. His brother had survived. But ever since that night...
It felt like he had lost him too. He barely talked anymore.
Barely smiled.
Barely even looked at anyone.
Lo'ak hated himself for it.
If only I hadn't always gotten into trouble...
If only Neteyam hadn't spent his whole life protecting me...
Maybe...
Maybe none of this would've happened. Maybe Neteyam would have never touched the alcohol and drugs. He clenched his fists. No.
Thinking like that wouldn't change anything.
Nothing could bring Spider back.
Nothing could erase what had happened.
He just hoped...
He hoped this place would somehow help his brother and himself from all the bad things that had happend.
Because Lo'ak didn't know how much longer he could watch Neteyam disappear right in front of him.
The car continued down the quiet road. No one spoke. Not even Tuk. No one knew what to say anymore.
*
Lo'ak was sleeping now when the car suddenly turned sharply to the left, jolting him awake. The car engine stopped and he sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and looking out the window.
Outside the window stood a large, beautiful beach house witch he assumed was their new home. Behind the house he could see the ocean with waves crashing against the rocks and the shore. When he turned and looked down the street, he saw rows and rows of similar houses with palm trees all around.
"Wow, this place actually looks really amazing," Lo'ak said in awe.
"Mom look! There are probably a lot of nice shells I can add to my collection," Kiri beamed, her eyes practically sparkling with joy.
"Yes honey, you will probably find lots of beautiful shells, but you will have to wait to go down to the beach. We have to carry our things inside first," Neytiri said.
Jake got out of the car and opened the trunk and Tuk practically jumped out of the car to help.
Soon only Lo'ak and Neteyam were left in the car.
Neteyam hadn't moved a muscle yet.
"Bro, are you okay? Looks like you're daydreaming again," Lo'ak tried to get a laugh out of Neteyam.
Neteyam's lips curled up in a half hearted attempt at a smile.
"You skxawng, I'm not daydreaming. I was just sooooo interested in staring at those palm trees," he said ironically.
They both laughed, but Lo'ak suddenly became serious again.
"But bro, seriously. You're barely aware of us anymore, we miss talking to you….. I miss you," Lo'ak said carefully.
Neteyam's smile disappeared. He stared down at his hands, rubbing his thumb against his knuckles.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered. "It's just so hard right now. Everything hurts to think about, and I always get reminded of that night..."
"I know it's hard bro. But we will fight through this together. I'm just glad you're still alive," Lo'ak patted Neteyam's back.
"It should've been me instead, if I just hadn't been so reckless none of this would have happened."
Neteyam could not keep eye contact anymore and his eyes drifted away.
"No don't say that. You deserve to be here. What happened wasn't your fault."
Lo'ak hugged Neteyam, but then they heard a shout and they pulled apart.
It was Jake.
He was calling them inside to help unpack.
"We should probably go in now," Neteyam said.
"Yes, we'll talk more later."
They smiled at each other and then went in to help.