Chapter Text
“You’re the one. You’re all I ever wanted. I think I’ll regret this…”
Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano
For a horrible, terrible, catastrophic moment, Reyna considered lying down on the nearest patch of grass and allowing the earth to reclaim her. It seemed like it would be easier than this conversation– much easier. Unfortunately, Thalia was still standing there and waiting for a response. The Hunter was looking directly at her, more specifically, looking at her neck.
I am not surviving this conversation.
Reyna could physically pinpoint the exact spot where the mark sat beneath her collar. She had been able to feel it all morning. The bruises were not painful, just present and an incredibly annoying reminder of several increasingly questionable life decisions. At the time, she had mostly been worried about Annabeth noticing. Now she realized she had been aiming far too low because somehow she had managed to run directly into the one person whose opinion currently had the greatest ability to ruin her day.
Please don’t bring them up.
"Reyna."
Thalia's voice was careful– way too careful. Like she was trying not to step on a landmine.
"Are you okay?"
The repeated question hung in the air– though it was impossible because Reyna had absolutely no idea how to answer it.
Physically? Sure.
Mostly.
Emotionally? Not even remotely.
Existentially? The jury was still out.
So, she did what she always did when confronted with an impossible situation. She defaulted to professionalism.
"I'm fine."
The lie arrived automatically. Thalia stared at her and the silence stretched on for a few more seconds before replying.
"Uh-huh."
Reyna immediately hated that response because it was painfully accurate. The daughter of Bellona folded her arms. It was an unfortunately defensive gesture that Thalia noticed instantly. It would have been a bit unusual if she did not, considering the Hunter had spent months learning exactly how Reyna reacted to things. It was mostly through sparring and arguing. And the increasingly dangerous amount of time they spent together. Thalia's expression softened slightly.
"You don't look fine."
Reyna fought off the urge to groan.
"I'm fine."
"You're saying it again."
"Because it's true."
"That's usually not how that works."
Thalia. Please drop it.
Please stop psychoanalyzing me.
The awkward silence returned, this time somehow worse because neither of them seemed entirely sure what to do next. Or maybe that was just Reyna. The possibility was depressingly likely. Thalia shifted her weight and looked away, before immediately looking back as if she had suddenly remembered something. Or changed her mind. Or was trying very hard to not say whatever she was actually thinking, which, admittedly, was making Reyna nervous because Thalia Grace generally was anything but subtle. If she was actively choosing to not say something, that usually meant it was important, and judging by the brief glance toward Reyna's neck—
Very important.
The realization made her stomach twist.
Gods.
This is awful.
Reyna had survived giant battles, monsters, wars, and political disasters, yet somehow, one painfully awkward conversation with Thalia Grace was proving more stressful than all of them combined. It was a truly humbling experience. Thalia cleared her throat.
"So."
Reyna immediately braced herself.
"So."
A pause.
"What were you doing?"
That was not the question she had expected.
"What?"
"You were walking pretty fast."
"Oh."
Brilliant response.
Thalia raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
Reyna scrambled for an answer.
Something believable.
Something simple.
Something that definitely did not involve prophecies or shape-shifting demons or emotionally devastating revelations…
"I was visiting Rachel."
There. That was technically true and verifiable. Thalia blinked.
"Rachel?"
"The Oracle."
"I know who Rachel is."
"Right."
Another silence. It felt painful and endless. Thalia frowned slightly– seemingly suddenly realizing what visiting Rachel of all people implied..
"What for?"
Danger.
Immediate danger because the actual answer was:
I went to investigate a prophecy that may or may not imply I've made out with a shape-shifting empousa and let it give me some noticeable hickies that's apparently obsessed with both of us.
Unfortunately that sounded insane– even by demigod standards. Especially because she still was not completely certain that was the case. The evidence was piling up, sure, but certainty was not quite there; and if there was one thing Reyna hated, it was accusing someone—or something—without proof. Even monsters. So instead she shrugged. Or attempted to. The motion came out awkwardly and unconvincingly stiff.
"Just checking on something."
Thalia's eyes narrowed immediately.
"That sounds suspicious."
"It's not."
"Reyna."
"It's not."
"That sounds exactly like something suspicious."
Reyna resisted the urge to take one of Thalia’s arrows and stick it straight through her eye– though it was an increasingly tempting option. Very tempting. Thalia studied her, still clearly unconvinced, clearly concerned, still—
Still looking weirdly unhappy.
The realization hit suddenly– sharp enough to make Reyna pause. She could understand concern, which Thalia clearly was. She could understand confusion, which, again, Thalia clearly was experiencing. But there was something else there too that she could not quite identify. Something was sitting just beneath the surface, and every time Thalia's gaze drifted toward her neck, it became more obvious. The Hunter looked away first– almost immediately like she had been caught doing something scandalous. The movement felt strange and entirely uncharacteristic.
Thalia is not usually the type to avoid eye contact, meaning she is bothered by something.
Reyna just was not sure what. Or maybe she was and did not want to admit it.
…is she jealous–
That was a dangerous possibility that she shoved aside almost immediately.
Nope.
There’s no way..
Thalia rubbed the back of her neck, an oddly nervous gesture, then laughed once without much humor.
"You know."
Oh fuck.
Whenever Thalia started a sentence like that, disaster usually followed.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"That's never true."
"Fair."
The Hunter looked toward the camp below. Cabins. Training fields. Demigods moving through the afternoon sunlight. Anything except Reyna, which made everything worse. When she finally spoke again, her voice sounded lighter. Deliberately lighter. Like she was forcing it.
"So."
There was that word again.
"So."
"You scared me for a second."
Reyna blinked.
"What?"
"You looked upset."
The honesty caught her off guard because it sounded genuine. Not strained and awkward as hell, like this conversation has been. Just true. Just Thalia’s genuine thoughts.
Thalia had been worried… about me.
The realization did absolutely nothing helpful to Reyna's emotional state. In fact, it made things considerably worse because now guilt joined the growing pile of feelings she was desperately trying not to examine.
Excellent.
That is exactly what I need right now.
"I'm okay."
This time the words came out quieter– more sincere. Thalia looked at her. Really looked at her, like she was trying to decide whether or not she believed that. Eventually she nodded, seemingly letting it go for now. The silence settled between them again. It was not hostile, thankfully, but it certainly was not comfortable like it had been in the past. It was just… strange. Certainly different from before. Months ago, conversations with Thalia had been mostly easy. They bickered, teased, sparred, and talked with each other easily. Now every interaction felt like navigating a minefield– one wrong step and something would explode. The worst part was that Reyna was not entirely sure why.
Well. That was not entirely true. She knew exactly why, she just did not particularly enjoy the answer or seem convinced of its accuracy herself. Thalia glanced at her neck one last time. It was a quick look over that was gone almost immediately, but Reyna caught it and whatever expression flashed across the Hunter's face that vanished too quickly to identify. Then Thalia straightened up, her shoulders squaring, and the mask of playful indifference slipping back into place. The familiar version of her was returning, or at least trying to.
"Well."
There it was: a conversation-ending well. A dangerous word. A powerful word. The word people used when they had no idea what else to say. Reyna recognized it immediately because she used it constantly.
"Well…"
Their eyes met. For one brief moment, neither of them looked away and suddenly Reyna became painfully aware of just how close they were standing to each other. The sunlight. The wind. The smell of pine trees. The soft (read, adorable) freckles littered across her nose and cheeks. The familiar blue of her eyes. Everything seemed sharper. More dangerous. Then someone shouted from across camp and the spell broke instantly. Both of them looked away.
Thank fuck
Reyna genuinely was not sure how much longer she could have maintained eye contact without combusting. Or kissing her.
Thalia exhaled slowly.
"Anyway..."
Another conversation-ending word. Excellent. We’re practically collecting them now.
"I should probably get back."
Reyna nodded dumbly.
"Right…"
Neither of them moved, which was awkward as hell because they both clearly intended to leave yet neither seemed willing to be the first person to walk away. Eventually, Thalia won. Or lost. Reyna really could not tell. She took a step backward. Then another, still looking oddly distracted, like she wanted to say something, and was still choosing not to. The last thing Reyna noticed before Thalia turned away was another brief glance toward her neck followed by a tiny tightening of her jaw. Then the Hunter was gone, leaving Reyna standing alone on the path staring after her.
Confused.
Frustrated.
And somehow feeling worse than before, which was impressive given how badly the day had already been going. The prophecy still lingered in the back of her mind, but as Thalia disappeared into the distance, another realization settled heavily in her chest. Whatever happened next, whatever monsters were involved, whatever secrets we are keeping, one thing was becoming impossible to ignore:
Thalia Grace had definitely noticed the marks on my neck. And she definitely was not happy about them.
The conversation should have ended there. It really should have. Thalia had already taken several steps away and Reyna had already mentally prepared herself to continue walking in the opposite direction: the fates had provided them both with a perfectly acceptable escape route. Naturally, neither of them took it because apparently they had both lost the ability to behave like normal people.
Thalia stopped, half-turned, and ran a hand through her dark hair.
"Actually."
Reyna immediately regretted everything. There was something uniquely dangerous about the word actually. It implied a change of plans. A reconsideration. An unfortunate decision.
"Yes?" Reyna asked carefully.
Thalia stared at the ground, then the trees, then literally anywhere except Reyna.
"You know," Thalia said, "I was thinking."
"Oh dear."
That earned the tiniest hint of a smile.
"Wow."
"You announce that you're thinking and immediately everyone becomes concerned."
"Experience has taught me caution."
The smile twitched, then disappeared again– like she remembered she was upset about something. The expression vanished so quickly Reyna almost thought she had imagined it. Thalia crossed her arms.
"So."
There was that word again.
Apparently both of us have become incapable of beginning sentences any other way.
"So," Reyna echoed.
The Hunter sighed.
"You still haven't answered my question."
Reyna frowned.
"What question?"
"The important one."
That narrowed it down to absolutely nothing.
Thalia tilted her head– a familiar expression. One Reyna had learned to associate with trouble.
"Are you joining the Hunters yet?"
Reyna stared at her then laughed despite herself. The sound escaped before she could stop it. Of all the possible directions this conversation could have taken—
That should not have surprised me, yet for some fucking reason it did.
"That's the important question?"
"It's always the important question."
"Of course it is."
"One day you're going to say yes."
Reyna folded her arms.
"One day you're going to stop asking."
"Let's not say things we know aren't true."
Reyna smiled a little because there was something comforting about the familiarity of the routine. The fact that no matter how weird things became, Thalia still somehow found a way to bring every conversation back to recruitment propaganda. Unfortunately, the comfort lasted approximately four seconds because then Thalia's gaze dropped toward Reyna's neck and immediately looked away, the smile vanishing. The awkwardness returned before Thalia cleared her throat.
"You'd like it."
"The Hunters?"
"Yeah."
The answer came too quickly, almost automatically, like she had rehearsed it.
"We travel."
Reyna raised an eyebrow.
"You mean wander around the wilderness chasing monsters."
"See? You're already selling yourself on it."
"We have different definitions of selling."
Thalia ignored that.
"We've got freedom."
"Uh-huh."
"We've got purpose."
"Mhm."
"We've got excellent health insurance."
That made Reyna blink.
"What?"
"Okay, technically we don't."
"I was going to say."
"But we do have immortal teenagers carrying enough medical supplies to survive the apocalypse."
"That's somehow worse."
"It's actually very efficient."
The banter felt so familiar that for a few moments Reyna almost forgot the prophecy. The hickey hidden beneath her collar and the way Thalia kept accidentally looking at it. Almost. Then Thalia hesitated and the illusion shattered again. The recruitment speech sounded wrong– the enthusiasm was not there. Normally Thalia delivered these pitches like a missionary spreading the gospel. Today it felt half-hearted or distracted like she was only doing it because she always did. The realization made Reyna uneasy because it suggested something she did not particularly want to examine.
"You're not trying very hard."
The words escaped before she could stop them. Thalia blinked.
"What?"
"Usually this is where you tell me I'm wasting my life."
"I do not say that."
"You imply it."
"Maybe a little."
"Maybe a lot."
That almost earned another smile. Instead Thalia looked away again. The silence stretched and suddenly Reyna knew what was going on. The Hunter was upset and trying very hard not to show it. That realization made Reyna's stomach twist because she suspected she knew exactly what had caused it.
The marks.
The ones left by—
No.
Thalia shoved her hands into her jacket pockets.
"Maybe I'm trying a new strategy."
Reyna raised an eyebrow.
"Giving up?"
"Making it seem like joining is your idea."
"That doesn't sound like a strategy."
"It absolutely is."
"No."
"You're just immune to good marketing."
"I think that's called critical thinking."
"Same difference."
A small laugh escaped Reyna. For a moment something softened in Thalia's expression before suddenly everything felt awkward once more.
Gods, if we keep this up I am going to lose my mind.
She almost wished Thalia would just say something. That she would just get it over with and ask what the fuck happened. Accuse her of having a one-night stand or anything. Instead they were trapped in this strange limbo of both of them being aware that something was happening yet neither of them acknowledged it– the worst possible arrangement. Thalia glanced toward the cabins, then back at Reyna before looking away again. It was as if she could not decide what she wanted–
Or what she was allowed to want.
The thought arrived unexpectedly and hit her harder than it should have, because for one, terrible, horrendous, second Reyna wondered—
Would it matter?
If the marks were not from some random camp fling.
If they were from—
Nope. Shut up. Not finishing that thought.
Thalia spoke before the silence became unbearable.
"You know."
Dangerous words, especially coming from Thalia.
"What?"
"I still think you'd make a good Hunter."
Reyna smiled faintly.
"There it is."
"There what is?"
"The real reason you stopped me."
Thalia snorted.
"Okay, maybe."
"Maybe?"
"...definitely."
At least that sounded more like Thalia.
The Hunter shifted her weight, and for a second Reyna saw the version of Thalia Grace she had gotten used to over the past few months.
Confident.
Sharp.
Teasing.
The version that always challenged her. The version that made sparring feel less like training and more like a competition neither of them wanted to lose. The version she had started looking for without meaning to. The version she had started to fall fo—
Nope.
Not that thought either.
Her brain was banned from making observations today.
"You would get bored eventually."
Reyna shrugged.
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Maybe not."
The admission surprised both of them. Thalia's eyebrows rose.
"That's the nicest thing you've probably ever said about the Hunters."
"Don't get used to it."
"I'm absolutely getting used to it."
For the first time in all the conversation, Thalia actually smiled– a real one– and it hit Reyna with embarrassing force.
Please start smiling like that again.
This was becoming a problem. She had reached the point where a smile from Thalia Grace could completely derail her train of thought, which felt unfair. And probably medically concerning.
Unfortunately, it was also true.
The smile faded slightly, and suddenly Reyna realized the conversation was winding down– actually ending this time. Neither of them seemed eager to leave, which was problematic because the longer they stood here, the more likely Reyna was to accidentally tell her something about the prophecy or Venus or the empousa or–
Everything.
All the things she was not ready to explain. All the things she was not ready to admit, especially not when she barely understood them herself, so when Thalia finally stepped backward, Reyna did not stop her, even though a small part of her wanted to. She ignored it like she had been ignoring several other realizations lately. Thalia pointed at her accusingly.
"You'll join eventually."
Reyna rolled her eyes.
"I won't."
"You will."
"I won't."
"You definitely will."
"Thalia."
The Hunter grinned– a little crooked, a little stubborn. Entirely herself.
Thank the gods.
"We'll see."
Then she turned and started walking away. This time, she did not stop or turn around. She just left and did not call back another argument. Reyna watched her go for longer than necessary– longer than she probably should have, until the trees swallowed her from sight. Only then did she exhale, the prophecy still sitting heavily in her mind.
The warning.
The empousa.
The impossible implications.
Somehow, despite all of that, the thing bothering her most was the look on Thalia's face every time her gaze drifted toward the marks on Reyna's neck because whatever emotion had been hiding there definitely was not indifference.
And Reyna was not sure whether that realization made her feel better or worse.
Reyna could not sleep– which was becoming a recurring problem for her. The Hermes cabin was quiet, or as quiet as a cabin full of demigods could reasonably be. Most of the campers had gone to bed hours ago. The distant sounds of Camp Half-Blood had faded into the background—the occasional pegasus whinny, the rustle of leaves outside, the soft groaning of old wooden walls settling into the night. The sounds should have been comforting.
Instead, Reyna stared at the ceiling– wide awake. The prophecy refused to leave her alone. The empousa refused to leave her alone, and unfortunately, Thalia Grace refused to leave her alone too. Not physically– mentally. Reyna rolled onto her side, onto her back again, then onto her other side. Nothing helped her sleep easier. Every time she closed her eyes she saw something different.
The cave walls Rachel had painted.
The prophecy.
The bite mark hidden beneath her collar.
Thalia's face when she'd noticed it.
The way her jaw had tightened.
The way she had immediately looked away.
The way she had spent the entire conversation pretending it did not bother her.
Gods, that part might have bothered Reyna most. Thalia had looked bothered– very bothered, at that– and she had absolutely refused to say why. Meaning, Reyna was left to fill in the blanks herself.
She groaned quietly and pressed the heel of her hand against her eyes.
This is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
A praetor should not be losing sleep over one Hunter of Artemis. A praetor should not be analyzing every conversation she had with one specific Hunter of Artemis over the last several months. A praetor should not—
The problem was that Reyna was not thinking about a Hunter of Artemis.
Not really.
She was thinking about Thalia. Just Thalia.
The distinction felt important because there were dozens of Hunters. Reyna respected all of them, admired many of them, and trusted a few of them, but she did not lie awake at night thinking about Phoebe. Or Naomi. Or Celyn. Or literally any of the others. Just Thalia.
Only Thalia.
The realization settled heavily in her chest, and she absolutely hated it. Mostly because it was true. A month ago she could still have tried to pretend it was normal. A few weeks ago she could still make excuses. Now, not so much. Nico had seen through her almost immediately, Annabeth had figured it out even faster, and if she was being honest—
She had known long before either of them. She just simply had not wanted to admit it because admitting it meant acknowledging several deeply inconvenient truths like the fact that Thalia had somehow become one of her favorite people.
That was perhaps the most embarrassing realization of all– not because Thalia was not likable, because she absolutely was, infuriatingly so. But because it had happened gradually and without Reyna noticing. At some point the Hunter had stopped being an ally or a traveling companion. She had stopped being Jason's punk (and hot) sister and become—
Important.
The word made something ache inside her chest.
‘Important.’
Gods, what a uselessly inadequate word.
Thalia was impulsive. Stubborn. Entirely too fond of provoking enemies for her own amusement. She left her mark everywhere. She swore constantly. She had the attention span of a particularly energetic golden retriever. And somehow- somehow- Reyna liked all of it. The realization felt humiliating because, objectively speaking, Thalia should have driven her insane. In many ways she still did, but she also made Reyna laugh. Made her relax. Made her forget herself. And that was rare. Reyna had spent most of her life carrying the responsibilities of leading and protecting. She had the expectation that there would always be someone depending on her, whether it was Hylla, Camp Jupiter, the whole world. It was always something or someone. Then Thalia had arrived, and for some inexplicable reason she'd looked at Reyna like she was allowed to just be a person.
Not a praetor.
Not a symbol of hope or New Rome.
Not someone who exuded responsibility.
Just Reyna.
The thought made her chest hurt. She rolled onto her back again. The moonlight filtering through the windows painted silver lines across the ceiling. For a while she simply watched them and tried not to think– failing immediately. Her mind returned to Thalia yet again, as it always seemed to. The thing was that it was not just that Thalia was beautiful, though she absolutely was. Reyna was not blind. Anyone with functioning eyes could acknowledge that Thalia was, objectively, beautiful.
The electric blue eyes.
The black hair.
The adorable freckles that were scattered across her nose and cheeks.
The confidence.
The ridiculous smirk she wore whenever she was about to say something obnoxious. All of that existed. All of it mattered. But it was not the reason why Reyna could not seem to fall asleep. If beauty were enough, Reyna would have gotten over this ridiculous situation weeks ago. The problem was everything else. The way Thalia laughed. The way she cared so fiercely. The way she treated people. The way she would and has thrown herself into danger without hesitation whenever someone needed help. The way she has spent weeks trying to convince Reyna to join the Hunters—not because she wanted another recruit, but because she genuinely believed Reyna would be happy there. The way she remembered the small details and minute preferences and the snide comments Reyna barely remembered making.
Thalia paid attention– which was dangerous because very few people ever had without wanting something in return. Nobody ever paid attention like that or this consistently without an ulterior motive. But Thalia did. And every time Reyna noticed it, the problem got worse. She exhaled slowly. Outside, the wind moved through the trees; the sound reminded her of the Hunters. Of campfires. Of moonlit forests. Of silver bows. And inevitably—
Thalia.
Again, always Thalia. The thought should have annoyed her, instead it made something warm settle in her chest, which was perhaps the biggest problem of all. Reyna knew exactly why she had spent so long denying this. It was not just fear, though there certainly was plenty of that. It was not just Venus's prophecy, though that had not helped in the slightest. It was not even the empousa situation, as complicated as that had become. The real reason was simpler and older: she had grown up with certain expectations and assumptions about what her future was supposed to look like. Who she was supposed to love. Who she was supposed to become. What kind of life she was supposed to want, and somehow, without warning, Thalia Grace had stepped into that picture and rearranged everything.
Now the future looked different. It was unrecognizable, terrifying, and absolutely wonderful. Reyna hated that almost as much as she loved it because she knew exactly what the problem was.
I like Thalia enough for this to hurt.
The realization settled heavily in her stomach.
Enough to get hurt.
Enough to care.
Enough to lose.
Enough to regret.
Gods, doesn’t that sound familiar?
Jason.
Percy.
The prophecy.
All those years of disappointment, all those years of wanting things that were not meant to be hers, Venus had practically spelt it out. Maybe not specifically, but it was close enough.
‘No demigod shall heal your heart. You will not find love where you wish or hope.’
The cruel words persistently echoed through her mind.
Impossible to ignore.
And, again, despite everything–
Despite the damning prophecy, despite the fear and confusion that inevitably came with a revelation like that—
She still found herself thinking about Thalia. Still found herself smiling when she remembered something outrageous she had said. Still found herself looking for her in crowds. Still found herself wanting—
No.
Needing—
to see her.
The realization stole the breath from her lungs.
That was it.
That’s the truth.
And I’ve been avoiding it.
It is not just desire or attraction or curiosity. It’s Something deeper and infinitely more dangerous.
Reyna stared up at the dark ceiling– heart aching in her chest. At least she had finally admitted the truth to herself.
Thalia Grace had somehow become the person I most wanted to see when I woke up.
The person she looked for first. The person she missed when they were separate. The person she thought about when she should have been thinking about literally anything else.
Gods help me.
Maybe Venus had been right.
Maybe I will not find love where I hope. Maybe this was doomed from the beginning. Maybe I am setting myself up for heartbreak. Again.
But lying awake in the darkness, surrounded by sleeping campers and moonlight and impossible feelings, Reyna could only think.
Thalia is everything I am not.
She’s bold where I am careful.
Open where I am guarded.
Sunlight where I had spent most of my life learning to survive the dark.
And despite every reason she should not—
despite every warning—
despite every prophecy—
Reyna could not stop wanting to reach for her anyway. She could not stop wanting to stand in that light for just a little while longer. She could not stop wanting Thalia Grace– another woman. And for the first time, since Venus had spoken those words, that realization frightened her more than any prophecy ever had.
Sleep continued to evade her. At that point, Reyna stopped trying. The cabin had gone quiet now. There were no shifting blankets or whispered conversations. Just darkness and her thoughts. Far too many of her thoughts. She laid on her back, staring up at the ceiling beams, and feeling strangely hollow.
There was something lodged beneath her ribs that refused to settle and she could not ignore anymore.
Gods.
This is embarrassing.
Praetor of New Rome, veteran of multiple life-ending quests, survivor of giants, wars, monsters, and political disasters, and somehow reduced to lying awake at night thinking about one woman.
One incredibly irritating woman.
One very confident woman.
One very attractive woman.
One very—
Shut the fuck up.
Reyna groaned and threw an arm over her eyes. The motion did not help ease her mind– nothing helped. Every attempt to stop thinking about Thalia somehow looped directly back around to thinking about Thalia. It was as if her brain had become trapped in a labyrinth and every path led to the same destination: Thalia.
Thalia’s laugh.
Thalia and I sparring.
Thalia teasing me.
Thalia standing beside me during conflicts.
Thalia sitting beside campfires.
Thalia looking annoyingly pleased whenever I smile.
Thalia.
Thalia.
Thalia.
It was becoming a serious problem. Reyna had stopped wondering whether she liked Thalia– that question had already been answered painfully clearly– the real question now was what she intended to do about it. Unfortunately, the answer she had right now was absolutely nothing. Doing something implied risk– and Reyna hated unnecessary risk. Especially emotional risk.
Emotions were terrible. Emotions got people hurt. Emotions made people stupid. Emotions made people lie awake at three in the morning wondering whether a Hunter of Artemis was upset because of a stupid hickey.
Reyna closed her eyes and immediately regretted it. Now she could picture Thalia perfectly. The distractingly blue eyes. The devious grin. The way she always leaned against things instead of standing normally. The way she talked with her hands. The way she laughed–
Gods, the laugh might actually be the worst part.
It was a loud, unrestrained, and intoxicatingly, completely, genuine sound. The kind of laugh that filled a room. The kind that made other people start smiling too. Reyna had spent months pretending she was immune to it. Unfortunately, she was not. Not even close. A memory surfaced uninvitedly. They were around a campfire a couple weeks ago. Thalia had been laughing so hard she had nearly fallen off whatever she was sitting on. Phoebe threatened to shoot her while everyone else was laughing too, and Reyna watching. Just watching because, unfortunately, seeing Thalia happy had inexplicably made her happy too.
The memory made something else ache, that she hated equally as much. Mostly because it felt suspiciously like affection– which was dangerous. Attraction was manageable. Attraction was simple. She could ignore attraction and suppress it or pretend to move past it. Affection was different. Affection lingered. Affection rooted itself inside you. Affection became attachment, and attachment—
Attachment was where people got hurt.
The thought brought her adjacently to her prophecy again.
‘No demigod shall heal your heart. You will not find love where you wish or hope.’
The words had haunted her for weeks, maybe even months before they were verbally stated by a goddess or oracle. Long enough that she had stopped consciously thinking about them. But they still lived inside her and influenced her decisions. They still whispered warnings whenever she got a little too close to someone.
Maybe that was part of why this scares me.
Not because she liked Thalia– because she simply wanted Thalia. She was someone Reyna was not supposed to want. Someone she was not even sure she deserved to stand next to in this hypothetical. Someone she was not even sure was possible. Reyna rolled onto her side– the moonlight painting silver lines across the floor. For a moment she watched them silently, then another equally uncomfortable thought arrived.
What if Thalia does not feel the same way?
The question hit her harder than expected. Though potential rejection scared her, the thought of everything that came after it was even worse. Because if Thalia said no—
What would happen then?
Would we still spar together?
Would we still joke?
Would things become awkward?
Would Thalia pull away?
Would I?
Would we both pretend nothing had happened while secretly wishing I could rewind time?
Gods, that sounds horrible. Absolutely horrible.
Though, in the moment of reflection, Reyna suddenly understood the reason why she had not said anything. The reason she had spent months dancing around this. The reason she had continued pretending she was not hopelessly in love. She was scared of losing what they had.
Without Reyna even consciously noticing, until now, Thalia had become one of her closest friends and one of the people she trusted most. Perhaps that should not have surprised her as much as it did; the Hunters had appeared during one of the worst periods of Reyna's life. When she was exhausted and overwhelmed, literally carrying responsibilities she could not easily share… Then Thalia had shown up, and instead of asking her to be stronger, or smarter, or better, she had simply stayed.
Reyna could not imagine losing Thalia now. She felt sick imagining waking up one morning and realizing they were not friends anymore.
Silence is safer.
Silence preserves things.
Silence lets me keep this– whatever it is.
Friendship? Partnership? Something in between?
Silence means I can still have Thalia Grace in my life.
Maybe not the way I wanted– in the ways I craved– but at least she would still be there.
The realization should have comforted her, instead it made her feel more miserable. Unfortunately, and learned through her own experiences with past romances, wanting more did not magically disappear just because she refused to acknowledge it. It stayed and grew larger, heavier, and became increasingly harder to ignore. Everything fed something she desperately wanted to pretend was not happening.
Gods.
This is a mess.
Reyna buried her face in her pillow and for several long seconds she considered screaming into it. When she resurfaced, nothing had improved. Thalia was still in her thoughts. The prophecy still existed. The empousa situation was still a disaster and everything remained terrible.
This is wonderful.
Through all of Reyna’s thinking and reflecting, one truth remained increasingly impossible to ignore.
If Thalia ever asked—
If Thalia ever genuinely wanted to know—
I do not know if I am capable of lying anymore.
That realization frightened her because Thalia had always been ridiculously good at getting beneath her defenses. Good at seeing things other people missed. Good at asking exactly the wrong question. And someday, maybe someday soon, the conversation Reyna had kept avoiding would happen. The possibility felt inevitable.
Maybe Reyna would gather the strength to tell her. Maybe she would crumble under those piercingly blue eyes. Maybe the prophecy would ruin everything first. Maybe Reyna would eventually receive confirmation that she had accidentally made out with a demon. Maybe all of this would end in disaster.
The last option feels increasingly more likely.
Yet despite everything, despite the fear, the uncertainty, the fact that this was almost certainly a terrible idea—
Reyna still found herself smiling whenever she thought about Thalia. She still found herself hoping and wanting. The warm and terrifying feeling settled painfully inside her chest.
Thalia is not just someone I like. She is not just someone I want. She isn’t even a crush anymore–
–somewhere along the way to Manhattan, Thalia had become someone I can genuinely imagine building a future around. Someone I can imagine choosing again. And again. And again.
The realization made her close her eyes.
That is a huge fucking problem.
That was always the problem, really.
Thalia Grace had somehow become everything I wanted, and if I reached for her—
if I admitted it—
if I crossed that line—
–I am not sure I would survive losing her.
The thought lingered long after midnight and much after she should have been asleep. Somewhere between the exhaustion and longing that came with loving someone of the same gender, one final realization settled into place in Reyna’s permanent memory. If she ever told Thalia the truth—
She would either get everything she had ever wanted, or lose one of the most important people in her life.
█▓▒▒░░░loading the demigod files- please wait░░░▒▒▓█
█▓▒▒░░░files loaded!░░░▒▒▓█
Demigod File: Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano
Also Known as: RA-RA
Divine connection: Daughter of Bellona
Weapon of Choice: Imperial Gold spear-sword, Imperial Gold Dagger
Little known secret: Reyna really likes Thalia’s freckles because they make her look almost uncharacteristically soft. She can’t quite explain why, but seeing Thalia– someone with an alternative fashion taste consisting of studs, leather, and chains– with freckles is just really, really endearing.
Demigod File: Thalia Grace
Also Known as: Lieutenant of Artemis, Pinecone Face
Divine connection: Daughter of Zeus
Weapon of Choice: Celestial Bronze Spear, Aegis- shield, Hunter’s Bow, Dual Hunting Knives
Little known secret: Thalia’s iconic leather jacket is absolutely stolen. That thing is nice leather and expensive as hell. Considering she hung around Luke– a HERMES kid for a while– either she picked up on some of his habits, or he stole it for her. I am unsure which one is more probable.
█▓▒▒░░░closing the demigod files, thank you!░░░▒▒▓█