Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

    It was a cold, lonely home, once full of life… It no longer was filled, it no longer was a home. All that remained were the youngest two brothers, Donatello and Michelangelo.

    Their father had passed, he was killed, murdered… The rest of the family soon followed. Leo, the leader, the one who was supposed to always be there, left for the farmhouse to focus on his spiritual self. As for Raph, he left to be a vigilante for the city. Raph came by from time to time when he needed something from Donnie. Like a weapon, invention, or if he was hurt and needed help.

    Because of Raph, Donnie was kept busy working on what he needed, but it never completely filled up his time. It made Donnie feel so used. He hated how Raph never even looked at Mikey when he came. He would ignore him only there because he needed something instead of caring.

    Donnie and Mikey were together all the time, it was only the two of them. They felt the loneliness left by Raph and Leo, the dark cold rooms that remained empty. The silence was filled by only them. Mikey always stayed close to Donnie now; he became fearful that one day he would leave him too, dependent on Donnie’s presence.

    Their days began to blur; they were all the same. Nothing changed as the days and weeks turned to months. Mikey often sat in Donnie's lab as he would work. Donnie worked hard despite not needing to anymore, he always found something to do, something to work on. Mikey enjoyed watching Donnie work, it distracted him. It was the one thing that remained the same. 

    It had been five months, living a life without Raph and Leo. It was—only Donnie and Mikey—this is when Donnie noticed something with Mikey. They were watching TV, Mikey fell asleep, his body slumped on the couch. Don laid his brother down and grabbed a blanket, laying it onto Mikey. A soft, tired smile formed on his lips as he got up to his lab. 

    Donnie had been working for a while, before the sound of glass breaking rang in his ears. The sound echoed throughout the lab, his head snapped to the cracked lab door in front of him. His heart began to race as he rushed to the pit. Mikey was standing there frozen, breathing hard, sweat covering his body. He was shaking, trying hard to catch his ragged breath. Donnie looked down to the ground, seeing what had broken, it was a glass cup that was on the small coffee table, the glass stabbing into his brother's legs.

    “MIKEY!” Donnie yelled, grabbing him, holding his shaking body tightly in his arms. “Shhh, calm down, breathe… please.” Donnie said, his voice soothing. Don could feel Mikey's rapid heartbeat against his chest as he hugged him tight.

     “Focus on me… On my voice. You're safe, I am here.” Donnie’s voice was as soft as he could make it, he gently rubbed Mikey's shell with his hand. Donnie’s jaw clenched as he hugged Mikey, he just wanted so badly to fix this, to fix the problem, but Mikey was not one of his machines… All Donnie could do is be here right now. Donnie could do that… he had to. 

    “I…I…Can’t breathe!” Mikey choked, his eyes filled with tears and his lungs desperate for air.

    “You can follow me, inhale through your nose… one… two” Donnie said as he took a slow breath, “and breathe out your mouth… Three… four…” Donnie said as he slowly breathed out. Mikey started to mimic Donnie. Mikey hugged Donnie tighter, tears starting to fall hard. It felt like hours they sat there in silence.

     Mikey finally spoke, even as his voice trembled. “I… I thought… I did not see you… I was… I couldn't find you… I thought you left me…” Donnie's eyes were wide as he hugged Mikey even tighter. “I'm right here…I am not leaving you.” Mikey started to laugh at how genuine and how loved that made him feel. 

    Donnie bandaged Mikey's legs carefully, Mikey's fingers drumming on the couch, he was embarrassed by his earlier attack. Nothing like that had ever happened before, it was scary, not just for him but also for Donnie. Mikey could see it in his brother's face, as he was working carefully disinfecting the wounds. 

Month 8: It was just like every other day, Donnie was in his lab, Mikey next to him. Mikey had his own chair he would sit in as Donnie worked. Mikey's head was resting on the table, his baby blue eyes staring at Donnie's hands, watching as Donnie fiddled with wires fixing the old microwave, his eyes full of wonder at how his older brother was able to work with such precision, fixing almost anything in front of him… Almost…

    “This is pretty bad, this is the 4th time this month the microwave has broken down.” Donnie’s voice was weary as he placed his head in his hand. Staring at the broken microwave in front of him. 

    “I think we should just replace it. It's done, fixing it just slow’s the damage. It's too old. I can't just fix it all the time.” Donnie said. 

     Mikey looked down to the floor, his hands fiddling in his lap. 

    “Kinda like us…” Mikey mumbled, Donnie's head turned to Mikey, his eyes looked dulled and sad.

    “What do you mean by that?” Donnie said his eyes were big, his head slightly tilted, he thought about it pertaining to Leo or Raph.

    “Dee… we’re not ok… We are all that's trying to hold it together, you know?… What I am saying is… we are only slowing down the… In-ve-va-bul…in-va-va-bul?” 

    “Inevitable,” Donnie corrected.

    “Yeah, whatever… point is not even you can keep fixing broken things forever.” Mikey said, not daring to look at Donnie's shocked face.

    “Mikey, I’m not going to leave you-”

     “THAT’S WHAT LEO SAID!” Mikey's eyes welled up with tears, Donnie tried hard not to cry with him. The room was quiet, Mikey's breathing was the only sound as he fought his want to cry.

    “I'm not Leo.” Donnie said, his voice soft. Honestly, he knew where Mikey was coming from with his phobia, Donnie often feared Mikey leaving him, but he couldn't face voicing it. It did not change that it hurt any less to know Mikey thought he would leave him.

    Donnie put his tools down, walking up to Mikey. “I’m not Leo…” Donnie repeated, Mikey jumped up, hugging Donnie, tears falling. “I'm not Raph, I won't leave you… I won't,” Donnie said.

    “I am just so scared… I don't want to be alone… I want Raph and Leo back… I want Papa…” Mikey wept, Donnie’s hand lightly rubbed Mikey's shell as they hugged. 

    “I know…I know…” Donnie stuttered, the fear was too real. Donnie could feel Mikey’s tears as they fell. 

    “Why did they have to go…” Mikey said, Donnie wished he had the answer, he wished he had something wise, but he didn't—the truth was he was angry that they left… angry that they abandoned them at their worst. They were just a pair of abandoned orphans. Donnie's fists got tight as he thought about it. He started to soften his fists as he felt Mikey falling asleep in Donnie's arms, his body going limp. 

    “Let's get you to bed.” Donnie softly said, Mikey nodded as he was lifted up by Donnie, taking him to his room.

    Donnie put his baby brother to bed, tucking him in with gentle precision that only comes with practice. He had a soft smile as he watched his younger brother. Mikey's breathing was even, sleeping so peacefully. Donnie was so glad he still had someone, someone to care for. These months have been so rough and so lonely, but Mikey kept them bright. Donnie's hand reached for Mikey's mask, removing it, careful not to wake him, placing it on the nightstand next to him. 

    "I'm so sorry you have to feel like I would ever leave you. I'm sorry our brothers have left..." He said quietly to his sleeping brother. 

    Donnie was noticing Mikey's phobia was getting more severe. Over time, Mikey has been getting more and more dependent on being around Donnie, to the point that Mikey had started developing a phobia of being alone, freaking out when Donnie left for him for short periods of time (around 5 minutes.) Mikey was starting to follow him everywhere. It was beginning to scare him.

    Donnie slipped out of the room remaining close by so he could slip in quickly if he heard Mikey starting to stir or wake up. He grabbed his T-Phone, the blue light hitting his face as he just stared at Leo's profile. He did not want to call him… he was the reason Mikey was like this but his options were growing thin, Mikey needed Leo. 

    “This is stupid, I am not going to call Leo, he is an idiot! I…I can fix this without him!” Donnie thought… He lied…

    Donnie wanted to believe it, he really did but he wasn't stupid. He knew it was a lie, Leo was better at emotions then Donnie, Leo always knew what to do in these situations. He would be able to help Mikey in ways Donnie never could. Donnie pushed call, the phone softly ringing his fingers tapping the back of the phone as he waited. It felt like it was taking hours, like it was taking too long. This was important, Donnie only hoped Leo would see that.

   Leo answered, Donnie's heart froze. 

   “Donnie? Is everything ok?” Donnie's fist tightened, just hearing his brother's voice made him mad. Donnie pushed down his anger that could wait.

   “No, Leo.” Donnie said, taking steady, careful breaths. 

    “Did you guys get hurt!?” 

    “No Le-” Donnie tried to speak, but Leo talked over him.

   “Did Mikey get kidnapped!?” Leo asked, Donnie slid down the door to sit on the floor. He was trying hard to not explode, his fists tightly gripping the phone .

    “Leo-” Donnie did not get a chance to speak before being interrupted.

    “Donnie, I am busy. If you don't need me, please don't call me. I know it's hard that I left but I have to do this. Please understand,” Leo said. Donnie was frozen, his grip tightening on the phone. 

    “LISTEN TO ME!” Donnie yelled his hand quickly reaching his mouth hoping he did not wake Mikey. Leo's line stayed quiet, giving Donnie the floor to speak.

   “We need you, Leo, Mikey is…I need your help! He’s scared…Terrified I am going to leave him! You caused this! You left him! You left us!” Donnie said, his eyes watering. “YOU LEFT US! Your-Your- You're selfish Leo! You're just so! You are selfish and a coward! You abandoned us when we needed you the most!”

   “Don-” Leo started but it was Donnie's turn to talk over him. 

   “NO, no Just listen for a second! Did you really think we could handle everything without you!? You just- heh you left us… six days after he died. You could not even wait a week!” Donnie’s angry tone did not hide the grudge he held. 

    “I had to—I thought you would understand that. I need to work on myself for you, for the team.” Leo defended. Donnie rolled his eyes regretting even trying to convince Leo to come back.

    “Really!? It seems like your team is falling apart. Seems like you abandoned it when it got rough! Seems like your brother is struggling with separation anxiety and needs you and what you decide to say is ‘I left for the team to work on myself~’  It seems like you abandoned us! And you are just going to stay in your safe space away from us! Reminders of Sensei's death! All I am asking is that you are here for Mikey!” Donnie yelled, hanging up before Leo could respond. Donnie shut off his phone, he did not want to hear Leo. 

    Donnie calmed himself down, taking soft breaths as he went back to Mikey's room, sneaking into the bed trying not to wake Mikey. He fell asleep in Mikey's room as usual, Mikey body shifted, grabbing on to Don hugging him tight. Donnie did not even know if he could leave if he wanted to. The lair was quiet as it always was, it was a bit unsettling, but that’s when they heard a yell echo in the lair. 

   "Donnie!" 

   Donnie and Mikey woke up and rushed to the yell. It was Raph in the entrance bleeding. Raph could barely stand, his body bantered badly. It was a miracle he got here at all.

   "Please just patch me up so I can go home." Raph said weakly as leaned heavily on the turnstile, his eyes drooping. Donnie looked at him worried, rushing to Raph’s side as Mikey stood there and watched. 

   “Raph, this is serious, your injuries look bad, you should be watched for a while, you need to stay.” Donnie said, grabbing Raph, taking him to the med bay in the lab.

  “I’m fine Don! Just patch me up alright, don't play mother hen.” Raph said frustration in his voice but he was too tired to seem intimidating. Donnie put him down onto the bed. Mikey sat at Donnie's desk quietly watching.

   "I am not playing ‘Mother Hen,’ you need to stay here, you can barely even stand. Just stay here, you are really wounded." Donnie said as he started treating Raph's wounds, many of which were deep. The blood was oozing out much too fast, it made Donnie wince. Donnie found a bullet shell sticking out of Raph's leg, he could tell Raph was trying to dig it out with his hands before coming here. Donnie knew Raph would be fine. He might pass out from the blood loss but it was not as bad as it looked. 

   "I don't need you guys hoveri’n over me!" Raph said harshly, His eyes looked away, his arms folded, his eyes were strangely soft. Donnie’s face wrinkled with anger. First Leo now this, it was hard for him to hide it, Donnie got alcohol to disinfect the wounds. Pouring a little directly in a deep wound forcing Raph to wince and hiss at the pain. 

   “Oops, my hand slipped.” Donnie said. Raph could tell Donnie did it on purpose, his eyes narrowing at Don's face. 

   “What is the matter with you, Don? You are actin’ funny and I don't like it!” Raph yelled weakly, Donnie just rolled his eyes as he grabbed some tools to remove the bullet shell.

   "The matter with me is that you won't change…” Donnie said the anger was too clear on his face. “I'm almost done so you can leave soon." Donnie said emotionlessly as possible.

     He did not want to drag this out longer than possible. Raph had caused their little brother so much pain, just by coming over, because he needed something from Donnie. Donnie hated Raph for that. He hated how his interactions were short, and how Raph would leave for months on end just to come back for something else. 

   "You can't let him go, Dee, he's hurt." Mikey protested. 

   "Mikey, I'm sorry but it's Raph’s choice and he is going to do what he wants to do, like he always does." Donnie said coldly, Mikey could see the shocked, saddened look on Raph's face from Donnie's words. 

    “Don-” Raph tried but Donnie's anger was fierce, the abandonment…The isolation, it was catching up to him…just as it had to Mikey. 

   “You're terrible, you know that!” Donnie snapped, his fists white, nails digging into his palms. His anger rivaled Raphs. The room was completely silent. “You don't know how much you have made me worry!”

    Raph reached out to Donnie, his hand nearly touching Donnie “Don…im sorry…” Raph said his voice quiet 

    “NO YOU’RE NOT!” Donnie’s voice angry, Mikey and Raph never have seen such anger radiating off him. “You left us, Raphael! You only come back when you need something. It frustrates me! Why do you hurt us so much!? Do you enjoy it! Do you enjoy hurting me…” Donnie said his breath’s sharp.

    The room was quiet, no one dared to speak. Raph just stared at Donnie. He did not realize how deeply he hurt his brother. He could see it, he could see the pain he had caused. The regret he felt was oppressive, he wanted to mend this he needed to but his mouth was dry not letting him speak. 

    “Nothing?” Donnie said, his voice detached, he was not expecting much more from Raph. “I'm done trying to stop you.” Donnie said, Mikey tried to reason with Donnie.

    “Dee! Think about this! Raph is hurt, I doubt he can even walk properly dude. Make him stay! You gotta!” Mikey said his hands folded together begging.

     Donnie thought about it for a little, but he was doing this more so for Mikey then himself. He did not truly care that he was being used, he cared that Mikey was mentally breaking, that he had developed separation anxiety, the fact that Raph kept taunting them by coming back and leaving quickly did not help.

    “Donatello… I wish things were different, but I can't change this. This is for the best.” Raph said, Donnie remained quiet... 

     That was not a good answer, that was a stupid attempt. Even Mikey could see it. Raph was Raph at the end of the day, he was stubborn and Donnie was done trying to change that. Mikey grew quiet, it felt like Raph was abandoning them all over again. Mikey couldn't look at Raph.

    Raph left that night patched up as he always did, this was no different than it never was. Even as injured as Raph was, he left. It got under Donnie’s skin.

    Mikey hugged Donnie tight. Donnie could barely breathe but the sorrow on Mikey’s face made him not even try to stop the hug. 

    "Don't leave me... Please never leave me. Donnie swear you'll never leave me, you can't leave me!" Mikey cried hard, Donnie gave a saddened look, filled with anger, his mouth dry. Their brothers had left when things had gotten too hard, and Donnie was stuck here to pick up the pieces… forced to fix the mess they made. It hurt and Donnie had no clue how to help. He needed to figure it out soon, but right now he could give Mikey his word, his word that he intended to keep. 

     "Mikey I swear on our father’s grave I will never leave you.." He said softly, that calmed Mikey down a lot as he clinged on Donnie tighter.

     After Raph’s visit Mikey now never left Donnie's side even when Donnie thought he did.

    Donnie did not know what to do the only time he could get away from his clingy brother was sleep and even then that could be difficult because of Mikey's grip on him.

      It was draining, driving Donnie mad. He loved Mikey but he felt suffocated being the sole person in Mikey's life, being his whole world. Donnie just wanted a moment, a second, but he couldn't. That was just simply too much to ask for. 

Chapter Text

    Mikey was terrified Donnie would leave him, he missed his brothers. Mikey didn’t know what to do, his mind hurt.

    Mikey's fingers jittered uncontrollably under the desk, nails digging into his palms in a desperate attempt to feel anything other than fear… His foot was tapping against the floor, a twitch he couldn’t control. The clock was slowly ticking. Donnie quietly worked, too concentrated to talk.

    Tic

    “Donnie will get bored of You Michaelangelo… You are the reason Leo and Raph left him. He is stuck with you because of it!” Mikey's breathing quickened at his thoughts, his hands clenching the sides of his head as tears streamed.

    “Mikey?”

    Tock

    “He is going to leave you all alone…” Mikey's eyes were shut tight, his body shaking he couldn't stop.

    “Mikey!?”

    Tic

    “You miss your brothers? You miss your Daddy?” Mikey couldn't breath, there was not enough air. He felt hot, his head was in pain, it hurt to think, he felt like he was choking. He needed air, he couldn't breathe.

    “MIKEY!”

    TOCK

    “HE IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU! HE WILL LEAVE YOU EVERYONE LEAVES YOU!”

    TIC!!!

    Mikey was heaving heavier, everything in his body raced, his nails digging in his skin. He couldn't think, he needed air. His ears were ringing it hurt so bad. His body jerked forward, like his lungs just stopped working altogether. A sharp, broken gasp tore from his throat, but it wasn’t enough. It still wasn’t enough.

    “MICHELANGELO!”

    Everything didn’t fully stop this time it blurred, but his vision was unfocused, darting past Donnie like he wasn’t really seeing him.

    Donnie was panicking, kneeling in front of Mikey, his hands holding Mikey’s tight but gentle.

    “Hey… hey, look at me, you’re okay, breathe, just breathe.” Donnie’s voice wasn’t as steady this time.

    Mikey had another panic attack, and Donnie was in the room with him the whole time. Mikey's breathing slowed but was still much too fast as he stared into Don’s worried red eyes.

    “Hey…It's ok I am right here…” Donnie said, his voice soft. Mikey hugged Donnie tight as Donnie calmed him down, rubbing his shell in calming circles. It felt so nice… Donnie was gentle, it was just like how Splinter would calm them down. Mikey's face nuzzled itself into his neck.

    Mikey’s words were trapped, tears staining his eyes. His head felt so hot as if it were about to burst. All he could see was Donnie as he choked down the air, forcing it to his lungs.

    “You…you weren’t there… I..I looked, you were gone!”

    “I’m right here! I didn’t leave you!”

    “YOU WILL!” Mikey cried, his voice cracking, his body folding in on itself as another wave hit.

   “I won’t Mikey, please believe me when I say that…I'm right here.” Donnie said, his hug getting together.

    “I’m..sorry I’m sorry.” Mikey wept, but Donnie kept calming him down with a soft worried, soothing smile that reminded Mikey of Leo.

    “Hey…It’s ok…I’m right here…” Donnie said quickly, like he was trying to convince both of them, as he rocked Mikey back and forth.

    The minutes felt like hours. Donnie finally got up and grabbed a blanket that was neatly folded on the medical cot in the lab and put it around Mikey. It felt so nice Mikey's breathing finally calmed.

    Mikey's hands and body shook heavily; he felt so weak and tired. His eyes looked away from his older brother, he knew this had to be hard on Dee to watch. He knew that he was a long way from the happy eccentric kid he was. Mikey felt so terrible, he invaded Donnie's personal space 24/7, now he is a burden. He has only made everything worse he-

    “Stop getting in your own head, it's not helping.” Donnie said as though he could read his thoughts.

    Mikey couldn't look at Donnie. “I'm right here, Mikey.” Donnie said again, Mikey knew Don was there, he was not sure why him saying it did help, but it did. Mikey just did not trust that anyone would stay. What if this all changed… Donnie grabbed Mikey into a strong but gentle embrace and wrapped the blanket warmly around Mikey, he finally could breathe.

    “Let's watch a movie.” Donnie offered softly, Mikey shook his head. It reminded Donnie of how Mikey used to act before, but he was just so broken now, it hurt to look at.

    The movie played, a bowl of popcorn between Mikey and Don. There was a whole couch, but Mikey found it hard to be that far from Donnie. The credits began to roll down the screen as Mikey fell asleep. Donnie frowned… Mikey was getting worse, and Donnie did not have a clue what to do. Donnie slipped away to the kitchen, trying to be quick.

    If Mikey woke up and Donnie was gone, it would be bad… Mikey's attacks were always bad, especially when Donnie was further than 8 feet from Mikey. Don washed the bowl, heading back to his sleeping brother. Don gently lifted Mikey into his arms, taking him to bed.

    Donnie's eye bags were deep. He'd sleep for only three hours before Mikey woke each night. Well, if he was lucky, because that’s all the rest he’d been able to get. Donnie was doing all the research he could on mental health, separation anxiety, and panic attacks. He was no psychologist; it was exhausting trying to do all of this. Donnie closed his laptop, looking at Mikey, feeling utterly helpless.

    “If only Leo was here… Raph… Ehh, they left us, I don't need them! I don't need Leo! He has ‘better things to do.’ Fine. I hope he never comes back! And Raph, he is so stubborn and so difficult! I DON'T NEED HIM! I DON'T NEED THEM! THEY DON'T CARE! I DON'T EITHER!” Donnie cried, his fist so tight tears breaking through he was so tired, he was so angry. Mikey remained asleep, his panic attack had taken a toll on him.

    Donnie's body was shaking, and his breathing was harsh as he tried to calm down. “Why can't I hate them…” Donnie thought as sleep finally caught him, making him collapse on the bed.

Chapter Text

    The next day came, Donnie was in the lab, and Mikey watched. Don was oddly quiet, but Mikey said nothing. Mikey’s head laying on the desk, his feet swaying under him as he watched Donnie work. 

    Soft breathing echoed. Mikey knew something was going on with Donnie, but he also knew if he tried to say anything about it or try to get him to even open up a little, he would close up more. Donnie was stubborn like Raph, but he also was careful with his emotions around others, similarly to Leo.

     Mikey hated noticing the similarities; it only made everything more painful. Mikey missed his family so much. 

     He missed messing around with them, he missed their adventures, he missed talking to them, he missed Leo’s soothing voice always knowing the right things to say when Mikey was scared or hurt, he missed Raph messing with him. His protectiveness keeping him safe. 

     Mikey wanted to cry so much, but when he looked up at Donnie, the brother he burdened, the brother who had to deal with Mikey's emotions but never let his own out. Mikey couldn't, not again… If only Leo and Raph were here, they would take care of Donnie, they would take care of him… They would be happy… They could be happy…

    ”Leo and Raph… They need to come home.” Mikey thought, his head lifting from the desk it laid on, a terrible idea came, forming like an infection in his mind. 

     Would his brothers come back if they thought one of them was really sick? Mikey glanced over to Donnie, who he sat next to. Donnie gave a small yawn, working on something Raph asked for a while ago. Mikey's hands were shaking nervously.

     "It's not like Donnie is the healthiest turtle… He tends to forget to eat and sleep… If he were to just get sick, really sick it would not seem that strange." Mikey thought as his jumbled mind came up with a crazy idea to get his family to come home. 

     “What am I thinking!? I am not going to hurt Donnie!” Mikey thought quickly after. The whole idea was horrible. It would hurt Donnie; he did not want that… 

     “But… Leo and Raph would come back… I could stop when they see they need to stay!” Mikey’s leg began to jerk up and down on the floor as his thumbs twirled in his lap. 

     Donnie looked over, and he could see the nervousness plastered on Mikey's face. 

     “Are yo-”

    “YES! You hungry!?” Mikey blurted out, Donnie was unsure what Mikey was doing, his eyes squinting.

    “Mike-” Donnie could see Mikey was stressed, he knew cooking helped Mikey calm down. So he went along with whatever Mikey was trying to do.

    “I would love some food.” Donnie said softly, Donnie began to put his work away so they could head to the kitchen. 

     "Great! I will be right back!" Mikey said, rushing out to the lab door.

     "WAIT! You're going to the kitchen… alone?" Donnie asked, Mikey usually never went that far from Donnie. 

     "Yeah, but I promise I will be back."

     Donnie was unsure how to feel, this could explain why Mikey was so stressed. If Mikey was wanting to try and conquer his separation anxiety…. Donnie looked away from Mikey, who was watching him. Donnie was worried about Mikey having an anxiety attack… Donnie had to let Mikey try this though. His eyes shifted back to Mikey, a nervous smile came on his face.

     "Alright, Come back if you need anything." He said happily, trusting Mikey would come back if he started to have a panic attack. He did not see the vial of pufferfish poison Mikey took from the lab.

     Mikey stood in the kitchen, the pill bottle in his hand, his fingers trembling slightly. His mind was racing with fear and a dark hope that seemed to grow stronger with every passing second. The kitchen was eerily quiet, except for the faint sound of Donnie’s voice from the lab, too absorbed in his work to notice Mikey's absence.

     "I shouldn’t do this," Mikey thought, his stomach twisting.

     He set the vial down on the counter and took a step back, his head shaking. He knew what he was contemplating was wrong, he had always been taught not to mess with things like this, not to tamper with chemicals or medicine. He did not want to hurt anyone, he did not want to hurt Donnie. But as he thought about it more, the nagging voice inside his head grew louder.

    "You want Leo and Raph back. You want Donnie to stay. He won’t leave you if he’s sick. If he’s sick, they’ll have to come back."

     The voice was cold and rational, it was nothing like his. He couldn’t ignore it, it made sense in the chaos of his crazy emotions. Mikey’s brain could not make up its mind. Donnie was his safety, the only family he had left, his protector, his brother.

     "But if he leaves…” Mikey froze; he wanted to cry at that thought.

      ”If he gets sick, maybe he’ll need them. Leo and Raph will come home if he needs help. They won’t abandon him like they did me." The thought hit Mikey again, his thoughts just looping, trying to get to a conclusion.

      He hated himself for even thinking about it, but at the same time, it felt like his only way out. He had to get Donnie to stay. He couldn’t bear the thought of being alone… Completely alone…

     His hands grabbed the vile again. The weight of it felt heavier than anything he had ever held. He hated what he was about to do. 

     "You’re doing this for the right reasons. For your family." Mikey’s chest tightened as he was convincing himself this was good.. 

     He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, the fear of losing Donnie affecting his actions. With a shaking hand, Mikey opened the vial pouring a little into the food in front of him. 

      He hated every second of it, but the thought of being left behind, of having no one, was unbearable. Mikey mixed it into the food he was preparing for Donnie. The meal would look just like any other meal, and Mikey hoped Donnie wouldn’t notice anything was off.

      "Just a little. Just enough to make him stay… Just enough that Leo and Raph have to come home."

     He tried to convince himself it wasn’t wrong. He convinced himself it was the only way. But as the poison mixed into the sauce, Mikey’s heart raced. 

     Mikey picked the plate of food off of the table and stood there for a moment, looking down at it, his hands shaking. It was done, he could not turn back now…

     Mikey walked into the lab and tried to put on a smile, but it felt like a mask that would fall the moment Donnie spoke to him.

     "Hey, Dee!" Mikey said, his voice unnaturally bright as he gestured to the plate of food. "I made your favorite."

     Donnie’s eyes softened at Mikey’s gesture, the warmth he gave was a reminder of just how much he cared for his younger brother. It made him feel so much worse for what he was about to do, the guilt was twisting in his stomach as he waited for Donnie to take the first bite.

      Mikey's throat felt so dry, his body sweating a little. He wanted to yell for Donnie to stop so badly, but he also wanted Donnie to take a bite… His brain could not make up its mind. 

      Donnie picked up his fork and took the first bite, Mikey felt his stomach turn. He watched, terrified, waiting for Donnie’s reaction.

     Donnie paused, his brow furrowing slightly, as if something was off. Donnie paused mid-bite.

      “…Did you change something?”

      Mikey froze for a second. “What? No—why?”

     Donnie hesitated… then shook his head. “It’s nothing. Just tastes a bit different.” He kept eating. Mikey forced himself to breathe, trying to calm the stress building up.

     As the minutes passed, Mikey’s unease grew. What if it didn’t work? What if Donnie noticed? What if this was all a mistake?

     Donnie finished the plate of food, seemingly unaffected. Mikey felt a small flicker of relief, but it was short-lived.

     If Donnie gets sick, will he notice? Will it be enough to bring Leo and Raph back? The questions piled up in Mikey’s mind, each one more terrifying than the last. But there was no going back now.

     He watched his older brother, waiting for something, anything to change.

Chapter Text

    Donnie was gripping his head wincing slightly, that was quick only around 30 minutes Mikey was hoping it would take longer. 

    “Are you ok Dee?” Mikey asked, he was quiet, Donnie shook his head slightly to try to focus. 

    “I…I'm fine, just a slight headache” Donnie said giving Mikey a small smile. Mikey wanted to smile back, he tried, his hands could not stay still, fiddling with every single thing he could grab. 

    As the minutes ticked Mikey's eyes remained locked on his brother. Donnie was starting to look unwell, his hand started touching his lips. They were oddly numb, his brain was getting a little foggy, he was unsure what was wrong… 

    He couldn't think, this was not right, this was not making sense. Donnie wanted to throw up, everything was spinning too much, as he clenched his stomach he was unsure if he was touching his plastron, the sensation did not reach his fingers. 

    Donnie’s paled face looked at Mikey. Donnie looked so horrible, Mikey could see it was working, the poison was taking effect. Donnie was swaying, he could see three Mikeys in his vision.

    “M-i…ey” He said before he fell out of his chair, Mikey rushed To Donnies side in a heartbeat, he was not moving, Mikey knew he probably couldn't. Mikey cupped Donnie's head, his eyes half open.

    Mikey grabbed the phone on Donnie's desk. It was the closest one to him, he was preparing to make the call. His hands trembled, he knew this was all levels of messed up, but he had to keep going.

    Donnie felt so horrible he was nauseous, his consciousness going in and out, his whole body felt numb. Everything was blending together. Mikey's words were unintelligible. Seeing Mikey’s panicked face was the last thing he saw before he completely passed out. 

    "…. What am I doing!?” Mikey said, his whole body was shaking uncontrollably. “This… I am hurting him!” Mikey shreaked tears uncontrollably forming on his face.

    “But…I…I have gone this far already, It would be a waste to let this all go to nothing… you need to continue Mikey, you… you can get your family back… you will!" Mikey said softly, Donnie was deep asleep. This was important, his family was important.

    Mikey could not help but be happy his plan was working. He was so close he could practically see Raph and Leo here already. 

     "I need to call Raph." He thought, he felt bad how he was using Donnie but their family coming back was good for all of them. Donnie will be fine. Mikey took a breath, Donnie's head laying on his lap as he dialed Raph.

    The ringing felt like it was taking forever, Mikey was getting impatient he was so scared Raph would see through what Mikey was doing. 

    “Don, why are you calling me? You better not lecture me or I will never answer this stu-” Mikey cut him off before he could finish his threat.

    “Raph it’s Mikey… Something is wrong with Dee…He…He’s sick…Really sick.” Mikey said, Raph grew quiet Mikey was shaking, his breathing was picking up his grip on the phone getting too firm he was close to breaking it. 

    “M…Mikey call Leo…I will be there as fast as I can.” Raph said his voice was sharp and commanding. Mikey smirked. It worked…Raph is coming home! Raph hung up and Mikey was so happy. He held Donnie closer to his chest.

    “IT WORKED! DONNIE THERE COMING HOME!” Mikey yelled happily, His hands racing to dial Leo all his worry for Donnie for what he did blinded by his overflowing joy. 

    The phone rang. Leo picked it up much faster then Raph, Mikey was much more confident this time. 

    “LEO! Donnie is sick! He won't wake up! I don't know what to do!” Mikey said he made his voice sound terrified. He was a great actor if he did say so himself. 

    Leo sounded like he dropped his phone, he picked it up quickly his breathing could be heard.

    “Does he have a fever! How long has he been out? Have you contacted Raph!?” Leo said, his voice worried. Donnie had not been out for that long but he needed this to be a top priority. 

   “Hours! I have been trying to wake him! He does not have a fever.” Mikey said he paused when he started to hear Donnie struggling to breath…that caught him off guard. “He…HIs breathing is…. Uhh…when it's difficult-ish….”

    “Labored?” 

    “Yeah!”

     “I will be there as fast as I can just, Get Raph.” Leo said Mikey was quiet, he did not expect Donnie to start having a hard time breathing…He should have googled puffer fish poison or something before feeding it to Donnie. That was stupid incredibly stupid.

    “MIKEY!?” Leo said, Mikey 's silence terrified him. Mikey grabbed the phone, putting it to his ear. 

     “I…Im here” Mikey said, a sigh of relief could be heard on Leo's end. 

     “Alright, hang on, I am on my way home.” Leo said hanging up without giving Mikey another word.

     Mikey held Donnie, his breathing slow, sweat slowly building up on his face but there was no fever. Mikey was unsure what to do, holding Donnie tighter. Mikey needed to do something…he remembered what they did for Leo at the farmhouse, maybe keeping Donnie hydrated was the best thing to do.

    Mikey dragged Donnie to the bathtub, his head lolling side to side. He put him in the tub folding a towel behind his head. 

    “You're going to be fine Dee… You'll see all this will be worth it.” Mikey said as the water dripped into the tub. The corners of Mikey's mouth started to move up slowly as a sick sounding laugh left him. This was so messed up, this was so genius! It was working! Donnie laid helpless and unaware.

     He would let Donnie get better when Leo and Raph are back, they would be a family! The pieces were falling into place Mikey was pulling all the strings, he never felt so in control it was an odd feeling but he did not hate it, he was basking in it as he laughed looking down at his sickly brother lying in the tub. 

    With Raph

    After Raph hung up the phone, he ran as fast as he could to the lair. He had grabbed a bag and filed it with every pill and medication he had. He did not know what was wrong with Donnie or what he and Mikey had stoked up on, Raph wanted to make sure they had whatever they needed. 

    Raph ran fast, jumping from building to building. He lived about an hour away from the lair, Raph was panicked, his heart pounding. Mikey sounded so scared, it shook Raph to his core. Every second was stretching to hours, his feet were aching.

    His heart was beating so hard in his chest, he could just sense that this was serious. Raph finally made it to the sewer. His legs felt like lead for running so fast for so long but he would not stop making it to the lair in record time. 

    “MIKEY! DONNIE I'M HERE I'M HERE!” Raph yelled, the panic in his voice was so uncommon Mikey thought it was Leo at first. Raph's eyes were wide and wild, as he frantically rushed to the lab trying to find his brothers just to see it empty. 

    “RAPH WERE IN THE BATHROOM!” Mikey yelled, Raph ran in seeing Mikey on the floor and Donnie laying in the bathtub. Raph's heart dropped, Donnie looked horrible. 

     “I… I did not know what to do… At the farm house we put Leo in the tub I…I thought it could help Donnie.” Mikey said his voice quiet…He seemed more scared of Raph then for Donnie, he was refusing to look at Raph. 

    Raph was worried there was more to this then it seemed, but now was not the time for questions. All that mattered was getting Donnie stabilized. He was really sick, sicker than Raph thought. Raph grabbed Donnie out of the tub, the water dripping off of Donnie's pale body. It worried Raph when Donnie did not give any reaction, not even a moan. Donnie seemed to Fragile, as he laid limply in Raph's arms. 

    “I am taking him to the med bay… good thinking with the tub little brother…” Raph said, Mikey looked at Raph slightly as he left. The room was empty, Raph left with Don leaving Mikey alone.

    Mikey drained the tub, Raph had gotten here much faster than Mikey thought he would… It was amazing! All that was left was Leo! He was so close, Mikey's hand reached his mouth trying to suppress his laughter, tears forming from the pressure of trying to stop but he was so happy! IT WAS PERFECT!!

    Raph put Donnie on the bed, he tried to make him as comfortable as he could. Draping the blankets on his body, tucking him in. Raph’s hand shaking trying to think.

    He pressed his hand to Donnie’s forehead, feeling his cold skin on his skin… That is strange… is this a cold?  Donnie’s lips were a faint bluish color, and Raph’s mind raced.  Is he freezing!? 

    “Shit! I am not a doctor Don, fuck this is not good you look bad. You better wake up soon and tell us how to fix you!… you have to.” Raph said Donnie remained motionless.

    Raph’s hands were gripping the blanket tightly, his eyes falling onto his unconscious brother. Donnie’s breathing was shallow, Raph grabbed his hand, his grip firm as Donnie laid there completely limp.

    Raph was unsure if Donnie even knew he was there. He took off his bag with the medications he had thrown in there. Looking over the labels, reading them trying to see what could help to hopefully help level out Donnie's breathing.

    Raph did not find much for breathing in his bag, he went into Donnie's medical cabinet filled with meds and… Casey's inhaler… Casey did not need it, Raph had only seen Casey need it once, but Donnie kept one in the lab for emergencies. Raph grabbed it, hoping it could help Donnie. 

    Raph put it up to Donnie's lips, squeezing the medication. He could hear Donnie breathing it in. His breathing was still not ideal, but it looked better. Raph was relieved. 

    “Leo will get here, we will fix you right up. You'll be better in no time.” Raph said, more so for himself than Donnie. This was the sickest he had ever seen anyone. Donnie needed to get better, he just had to.

Chapter Text

With Leo

    “Alright, hang on, I am on my way home.” Leo said hanging up without a second thought. He stood frozen for a few moments, his legs felt like lead his head light. “Focus Leo…. you need to get home…”He told himself softly, his muscles tense. 

    He grabbed all his stuff in the farm house. He could feel something was wrong, this did not feel right… He ignored it he had too as he grabbed his keys rushing the van. As he began to drive his foot pushed the gas hard, making him drive fast. 

    He never is this reckless when he drives, but he could feel the seriousness of this, he could sense it. He was going to make this four hour drive into two he needed to. 

    His foot was on the gas, the speed dominer counting up. All Leo could do was drive and think. ‘What if Donnie dies, what if Donnie was exposed to something and mutates, what if…’ Leo did not want to think of the what if’s, they were terrifying thoughts. 

    Leo’s grip tightened on the wheel. His eyes watering, he tried to stop it, even alone he did not want to cry. 

    The last things Donnie said to him started to echo in his head, “We need you, Leo,” Leo did not want that to be true. He was tired of being needed.

    “You caused this! You left him! You left us!” Leo did not want to leave them, he didn't. It was just easier… wasn't it?

    “YOU LEFT US! You're selfish Leo! You're selfish and a coward! You abandoned us when we needed you the most!” Leo remembered that the most, it had been echoing sense Donnie yelled it. It hurt so bad, it hurt because it was true… He did not want it to be true. 

    His grip on the wheel was tight, breathing started to get difficult. Leo had to stop the car, tears wreaking his shaking body. He got out of the car falling onto the cement trying to breath.

    “You left 6 days after Splinter died! 6! You could not even wait a week!” 

    Leo was on his knees, his hand was on the cement to keep himself up, the other hand on his face, unable to stop the tears. 

    “It seems like your team is falling apart. Seems like you abandoned it when it got rough! It seems like you abandoned us! And you are just going to stay in your safe space away from us! Reminders of Sensei's death!”

    This was the final thing Donnie had said to him, at the time Leo could ignore it, forget it, vault it, but with Donnie sick, with Mikey's terrified voice it scared Leo that this was the last thing Donnie said to him that… Leo would never be able to say sorry or move on with his brothers. It scared Leo because it was true. 

    Leo calmed himself down, getting back in the car. Leo had left for more reasons than being scared. He left to figure things out by himself. He is sensei now and he had no idea what to do with it. He was meditating and learning… Trying to be strong… Leo shook his head continuing to drive, he just needed to get back to New York and that is what he intended to do. 

    It was odd being back after so long. Leo was scared to see Raph again, he knew that hot head was going to yell at him for something, he always did. Leo took a breath, driving into the subway tunnel. 

    He had not been back since his father died, it felt so gloomy just like when he left. Everything was well kept, Leo knew Donnie wouldn't let the place fall apart keeping it nice, but you could still feel the sadness in the air, the despair. 

    He took a small breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds before leaving the van. He slowly walked to the lab, stopping at the door. This felt so off. Something was off…

    “LEO!!! YOU CAME!” Mikey yelled, jumping onto him in a hug. Raph opened the lab door from the other side. 

    “Hi.” Leo said awkwardly, Raph looked relieved, his eyes red. He ushered Leo into the lab to Donnie's bedside. Mikey did not let go of Leo's arm. 

    Donnie was laying there pale, looking horrible… His breathing raged. 

    “I have been using Case’s inhaler to help his breathing, it works, but it's low and we don't got much of it left.” Raph said filling Leo in a bit. Leo nodded his head taking a seat in the chair next to the bed gripping Donnie's limp cold hand. 

    “Hes freezing.” Leo said quietly, Raph folded his arms. 

     “I have been dumping blankets on him. I don't know what else we can do. I was thinking of soup, but I don't know if he can even eat like this.” Raph said, looking away from his brothers. 

    “Has he been awake since you have been here?” Leo softly said his hand not leaving Donnie.

    Raph shook his head, “He hasn't even reacted to me.” Leo's head moved towards Donnie quickly.

    “Hey Dee will pull through! You'll see!” Mikey said, trying to calm down everyone, but Raph and Leo were too tense. 

    “Mikey this is bad…Too bad we…Raph give me a needle, boiling water, ice water…uh some…A light!” Leo said, he needed to get Donnie to react to something… anything. 

    He jabbed Donnie’s shoulder lightly with the needle. No response. Leo grabbed a flashlight and shined the beam into Donnie’s eyes. Still nothing. He dipped a cloth in ice water and pressed it against Donnie’s skin. No flinch. He used the hot water, careful not to burn Donnie, he was waiting for any reaction. He got none.

“Leo we got to give this a rest, his breathing is better he might come to on his own. He is just asleep, he is fine.” Raph said softly, Raph was just as worried as Leo, but it was becoming clear that this was not working. They needed to give it some time. 

    Leo hated when Raph was right, his fists growing tight. “Alright, we do shifts though, I will take the first watch if there is any change we have to get each other's deal.” Leo said commandingly, Mikey nodded, a small nostalgic smile growing from hearing Leo giving orders.

     “Come on Mikey, let's make some soup or something for when Donnie wakes.” Raph said leaving the room, his voice was rough, as he walked around the dojo as much as possible, his eyes staying away from it. 

     Mikey did not understand why Raph was like this, he did not care to. It did not matter Raph would be back to his old self and stay! They will all be happy like before! A small smile crept onto Mikey’s face, Donnie would wake up soon and happily ever after. This was for the best, Mikey was saving the Hamato family! 

     Leo stayed in the chair next to Donnie's bed, Donnie had not moved an inch. Leo started wringing out a wet towel, the smell of incense filling the room.  Splinter used to do it for them when they were sick, Leo was not sure what more he could do. None of them have ever been so sick before. 

     “Dont worry Dee, You'll get better in no time.” Leo said, placing the cloth gently on Donnie's head. He was unaware of the true horror happening unaware of the brother who was truly sick.

Chapter Text

    Mikey cut the chicken up into perfect cube’s, as Raph stirred in the noodles. Letting them loosen in the warm water that was just beginning to boil. Mikey seemed a bit off,  Raph felt like it was wrong to point it out, people grieve and get over situations differently, and Mikey always did everything differently, However…this felt eerie… Wrong.

    Silence settled in. It wasn’t uncomfortable exactly… just heavy.

    Mikey’s hands didn’t stop moving even when there was nothing left to cut. fingers twitched against the counter, tapping, fidgeting, searching for something to do.

    Raph’s eyes met Mikey's fingers, Mikey stopped moving them out of view under the counter.

    “I'm done, it's all cut up!” Mikey said, Raph just took the chicken, putting it in the boiling pot.

    “So…how are you doing Mikey, on the phone you seemed kinda... freaked you're a lot mellower than I thought you would be?” Raph said, trying not to think too deep about it.

    “Well with you and Leo here, it is helping me chill out.” Mikey answered, Raph knew that was a fair answer but for some odd reason he just did not trust it.

    The soup smelled nice, the steam softly moving in the air. Raph grew tense, he was not sure why. Maybe it was Donnie, maybe he was just worried, he did not know he just could not stand still. Raph turned the heat down slightly and wiped his hands on a towel.

    “I’ma go and check on Don, you can start dishing up the soup or whatever.” Raph said, his throat felt tight.

     Mikey just nodded, putting a thumbs up at his brother. Raph started walking, stopping at the kitchen door, his hand softly trembling as he began biting his lip, before finally leaving the room…

    Leaving Mikey alone…

    With the food…

    Mikey stood there for a second, listening to the faint footsteps fade down the hall. Finally letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

Lab

    “Hey, How's he doing?” Raph said softly, as he slowly entered the lab.

    “Well he is not worse, so I guess that’s something, I don't know. Maybe he just over-worked himself and will sleep this off.” Leo said his head on the bed looking at Donnie's pale sleeping body.

    Raph just stood there looking, as Leo removed the cloth and grabbed a new one. 

    “I don’t think any of us have ever been this sick.” Raph said, trying to add conversation.  

    “Neither do I,” Leo immediately answered, not even looking at Raph. 

    There was a pause.

    “This is awkward…” Raph said Leo turned to him. 

     “Did you think it wouldn't be?  We have not exactly talked, and our little brother is sick.” Leo said, trying to stay calm. Trying to be Splinter Raph could see it clear as day. 

     “Wow still Splinter jr I see” Raph muttered, Leo did not quite hear what Raph said just ignoring him.

Kitchin

    Mikey could see his reflection distorting in the broth, a smile threatening to form.

     It was working. It was Working, It Was Working! IT WAS WORKING!!

   They came…There here I did it! My family is back there back THERE BACK! 

   Mikey’s breath hitched sharply. His hands jerked against the counter, a laugh almost slipped out his mouth. 

   “Im a FUCKING GENIUS!” Mikey muttered, his eyes manic, “I Did this I am…In…Im In control of All of this!” Mikey chuckled, they listened to him for once, they did what HE wanted for ONCE!

    His grin widened for half a second. Just too wide. Just too joyist… Then it stopped. Like something inside him finally caught up to what he was saying and thinking.

    “…No,” he whispered. “No, no… that’s not… that’s not right, that’s not… NO!” His breathing sped up. His hand on his head trying to calm himself. 

    “…Its wrong…its wrong…ThIS is WRONG!” He yelled quickly covering his mouth with his hands… No one seemed to notice letting him let out the breath he was holding. 

    The reflection in the broth didn’t look like him anymore. It looked like someone else was watching him.

    “I didn’t, I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said quickly, almost desperate now. “I just… I just wanted help, I just, I just needed them to come home. It's not wrong to want your family back…” 

    “I did nothing wrong… I” Mikey froze his mouth dry. His head stung, it was more of a question than anything. 

    He was a good little brother, he was a hero, he has saved many lives. He had to be in the right…Right?

    “I did nothing wrong!” He said to himself, thinking if it was louder it would make it true.

    “Donnie is fine! And he won't wake up till I say so! He will be fine! Leo and Raph are here! They will take care of him, they will stay! They will stay because of me!” Mikey said the smile returned smaller this time. 

    “They have to STAY!” Mikey said as he looked back to the soup. 

    Ready to dish it up for his LOVING family…for his poor Sick brother…

Chapter Text

    Mikey walked into the lab, the bowls of soup in his hands, he put the bowls down on the night stand. Raph started to grab the only soup in the purple bowl, the other two were the white bowls. Mikey quickly took it from Raph.

    “Raph! That is Donnie’s…It has less soup to prevent wasting.” Mikey lied much too easily. It kind of scared him but he stayed calm… 

    Raph put his hands up away from the bowl. “Wow… Ok, Sorry did not know you were planning out your soup portions.” Raph said almost jokingly.

    “Mikey just ease up a little,” Leo said, misreading Mikey's actions completely. 

    Mikey turned to Leo taking in a breath “Sorry, I just want Donnie to get better.” Another lie, he just could not seem to stop.

    “We get it, well at least I do, he is a tough turtle he will be up and running before we know it.” Leo said, trying to be positive. A soft smile on his face, and he put his hand on the bed next to his sleeping brother's hand.

    Mikey was still holding Donnie's bowl of soup, his face darkening slightly.

    “You both look tired, go eat and relax. I will feed and watch Dee” Mikey said, Leo and Raph grabbed their bowls. 

    “Your right Mikey, Lets go to the dojo Raph its been awhile.” Leo said softly their bowls were hot. 

    Raph grabbed his bowl first, blowing lightly across the broth before taking a careful sip.

    “Damn, Mikey! this is actually good,” he muttered.

    Mikey’s eyes brightened a little at that. Leo stayed seated beside Donnie for one last moment, his thumb brushed against Donnie’s hand before he finally stood.

    “I’ll come back in a few minutes,” he said quietly, mostly to Donnie. Donnie didn’t react.

     “Come on Mikey, come to the dojo with us Don's been stable for hours.”  Leo said, picking up his own bowl, his eyes looking at his young brother. Mikey gave a big smile. 

    “REALLY! Yo…You want to be with me!” He said as if it was the Queen who had asked him. Leo took his hand as they moved into the dojo slowly.

    Leo and Raph felt like strangers in their old home. The room felt smaller than Leo remembered. Quieter too. The mat’s were in the same spot from the last time they were there was dust collecting on the weapon’s rack. 

    Raph dropped onto the floor with a groan. “My legs are killing me,” he muttered as he leaned on the old tree.

    Leo snorted softly. “You’re getting old.”

    “Oh shut up.”

    For only just a second it sounded normal again.

    It felt like before. Not completely. But just enough that Mikey could almost pretend. A small smile pulled at his mouth before he looked down at his soup to hide it. Leo noticed anyway his head tilting slightly causing his mask tales to swoop down over his shoulder.

    “You okay, Mikey?” Leo said softly his piercing blue eyes met Mikey's. 

    Mikey nodded quickly. “Yeah. Just… happy you guys are here.” The room was quieter after Mikey said that. Not awkward exactly, just quite. Raph rubbed the back of his neck. Dang it was stiff.

   “We should probably figure out shifts.” Raph said, trying to find something to fill the silence.

    Leo nodded. “I can stay with Don tonight.”

     “Alright, then I got tomorrow morning,” Raph said. “After that I gotta head back for a bit.”

    Mikey’s spoon paused halfway to his mouth, his eyes squinting. “For what?” he asked too quickly.

    Raph blinked at him. “Patrol?”

    “Oh.” Mikey forced himself to keep eating, looking away from his brothers. Leo leaned forward. Grabbing another spoonful of soup. 

    “I’ll probably head back to the farmhouse once Don’s stable... Well more stable.” Mikey stopped breathing, his hand shaking as he moved it behind his back. 

    “What no… WHAT!? They can’t- I heard that wrong. Leo didn’t say that. No. No, I heard it wrong. He didn’t say that.” Mikey’s grip tightened around the spoon, his hand shaking more.

     Raph gave a tired shrug. “I mean… Yeah, same here, can’t exactly just move back in.”

     Mikey stared down into his soup. The broth rippled slightly from how hard his hand was shaking. Leo kept talking, unaware. Not paying attention to Mikey. They never did. He was always just there. Alone. Like some toy left in its box until someone wanted to play again, till he is important again ti-

     “We have to visit more Raph,” he said. “Keep more tabs on Donnie. He probley over worked himself sick.” Mikey’s stomach twisted, he was no longer hungry. Visit. Just VIST, JUST KEEP TABS ON DONNIE! The smile on his face was started hurting. However, It only grew as his eyes started to water of course no one noticed.

     Again.

    "He called me he was so angry" Leo said calmly

    As soon as Donnie got better.

    "Don't beat yourself up too much. This is on me... My last visit I noticed he was tired and agitated, heh, he was probley starting to get sick, that idiot" Raph said putting his spoon in the now empty bowl folding his arms.

    WHY WONT THEY JUST STAY! 

    They finished up their bowls of soup, Leo grabbing them from Raph and Mikey. 

    “Me and Raph will clean up, you can go check up on Donnie and feed him.” Leo said Raph gave him a look. 

    “Hey, don't volunteer me to clean!” Raph yelled Leo just rolled his eyes grabbing Raphs arm leading him off the floor. 

    “Suck it up, it is not the end of the world.” Leo said as they left the room.

   Mikey could hear their voices getting smaller as they moved away, moved away from him… 

    ‘I worked so hard…I…IT WAS WORKING! How could they!?’ He thought as he started to stand his body felt heavy, hands shaking twitching, his throat was dry. His feet moving one step before the other, wobbling towards the lab mindlessly. Everything was so foggy…He had so much control mer hours ago how could it all…just… 

    He entered the lab, breathing, shaking, brain melting, body stiff but somehow shaking. He closed the sound proof door. He was alone with his brother, his poor sick brother… 

   ‘Oh Poor Donatello, How his family is ready to leave HIM ... .This is not all about YOU Michealangelo…YOUR not SELFISH ... .Your helping HIM…’ 

     His thoughts screamed, Mikey's body still shaking “I know…I know HE needs this HE needs them HE needs ME… Donnie, I love you so much” Mikey said, wobbling closer to his bed.

    Donnie did appear better, his body less pale, the sweat gone, his breathing normal…it was wearing off that meant Leo and Raph woul- No, he was not going to get better. Mikey picked up the purple soup he made special. 

    “Heh…Ohhh Deee it’s time to eat”

Chapter Text

    Hours passed, Raph was sitting next to the bed. Leo had gone to bed a while ago. 

    Donnie's lids started to shift, a soft moan escaping. 

    “Don!?” Raph said moving closer to his brother. Donnie's eyes were half-lidded looking at his big brother.

    “ ‘aph?” His voice crooked weakly.

    “Hey, How are you feeling?” Raph asked, a small smile forming as placing his hand on his brother's shoulder. 

    “ ‘ird…cold…” Donnie shivered.

    “We got more blankets. Ima get one ‘kay.” Raph said, Donnie weakly nodded his head, his pale face looking almost white in the light.

    Raph grabbed the biggest blanket he could, running back to the lab, gently putting it on top of his sick brother. 

    “How’s that doin?” Raph said softly, his hands never leaving his brother.

    “ ‘etter…hy he’e?” Donnie slurred, as he slowly tried to sit up. His limbs, giving up half way. Raph grabbed Donnie, helping him the rest of the way. 

    He hardly registered sitting up until seconds of his body in that position, slowly shaking his head. He felt so off, he could barely think. It was all slipping, like sand.

    “Hey you here Dee? You hear what I said” Raph said, his voice sharp. 

    Donnie's eyes stayed down unfocused. It took around 10 seconds till Donnie finally looked at Raph.

    “ ‘aph?” Donnie repeated, as if Raph was never there to begin with. 

    “Uh…uhm Yea its me Don, I'm here…” Raph was unsure what to say or even do for that matter. 

    “O…k im ‘ird” Donnie said softly, his head hardly turning to Raph. 

    “I know buddy, You look exhausted just stay awake a little longer so you can eat somethin’.” Raph said, his hand lightly touching Donnie's warm head that luckily felt a little cooler. 

    “N’o st’mich…no” Donnie slurred, weakly fighting the idea of food. 

    “Don, you got to eat somethin’.” Raph said, his tone made it clear this was not a debate. Donnie couldn't understand it. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the light. 

    “No…mh” He said a little stronger, however still very weak. 

    Raph slowly walked to the bed, standing over his brother, just studying him. He did not speak, he just stood there. 

    “Just- just rest” Raph said slowly, his fist growing tight. “You can eat later” Raph wanted to bite his tongue off. 

    Raph hated giving up so easily, he wasn't stupid though. He helped Donnie slowly lay back down. His brother was so limp under his hold. Donnie drifted to sleep almost instantly. Raph needed to get Leo he would know what to do. 

    With Leo

    Leo had been up for a while. He slept a little but not really enough. He raided Donnie's coffee machine. He was more of a tea person but he needed more caffeine than what tea offered. His mask hung loosely around his neck as he took another sip from the half empty mug.

    Something just has not felt right. He couldn't pin it down, it was bothering him, it made it impossible to have a good sleep, made it impossible to just relax.

    He wished Splinter was here to guide him, tell him what to do, what this feeling in his chest was. He took a deep breath, his grip on the mug not changing.

    “Leo?”

    Leo turned to see Raph at the door of the kitchen. 

    “Hey! What you doin’ in here! Your suppose to be sleepin!” Raph said, folding his arms.

    Leo hufhed looking away “I did for a little, I just… couldn't."

    “I just couldn't, is a horrible excuse.” Raph said, leo took another sip.

    “You have no reason to judge me, Donnie could be dying-”

    “Dont be dramatic, he is not dying! He just woke up”

   “He’s awake!” Leo said, his head snapping to Raph.

    “Well -ish” Raph said walking to the island Leo was sitting at. 

    “What does ‘Ish’ supposed to mean?” Leo said, putting the mug down.

     “He is restin right now, he is not all there. It should pass when the fever gets lower. Fevers do that…scramble the brain” Raph said it more like he wanted confirmation rather than knowing that was true. 

    “Can you give some details? Is this why you were looking for me?” Leo asked.

    “I don't know Leo cant ya just stay with him and like see what you can do. I'm just trying to be patient! I just… I want to just…I want to make him eat, make him…better but eh I want to yell at him to understand me! It was not even long and I'm already getting riled up!”

    Leo was not expecting Raph to already explode. Raph's temper had only gotten worse from the last time he was with him. 

    “You’re right, I was being dramatic. Donnie’s not going to die… he’s going to be okay. We just need to keep our heads straight, alright?I will take over for now you rest.” Leo said Raph looked away, he felt like a child for blowing up like that. 

    Raph looked away. He didn’t answer right away.

    “…Yeah,” he muttered, but it didn’t sound convinced. As he walked out of the room feeling worse then he did when he went in. 

    Leo watched dreading to see Donnie's condition.