Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

DM: Thanks for letting me do this.

Wyatt: No problem. I mean, it’s not like—I mean, who cares?

DM: I just didn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, but I’m really liking the story so far. Thanks for reminding me, Anya.

Erik: What’re you gonna do? Write a book?

DM: Maybe! Recording will definitely help with recapping all the insane stuff Jack does. And now I’ll have proof of all of Wyatt’s nat 20s.

[Laughter]

Wyatt: Watch, I’m not going to roll a nat 20 for the rest of the campaign.

Erik: Why would you jinx it like that—?

Jack: Can we just get back to the game?

Wyatt: …Did you hear that, Erik? His lordship insists.

Jack: It’s almost ten o’clock and not all of us have the option of rolling into work tomorrow morning whenever the heck we feel like it.

Wyatt: Hey, be your own boss, set your own hours.

DM: We could call it here and—

Jack: No. We’re right at the end of the score. Let’s wrap this up.

DM: Right. Um. So, Anya, Inej is crossing the bridge over the canal to the deserted main square in front of the Exchange. You see Kaz, Big Bolliger, Jesper, and six other members of The Dregs gathered near the eastern entrance.

Anya: I sneak up to them.

Erik: Godsakes, Anya. You don’t have to stealth every single time.

DM: Make a Stealth check.

Anya: [Rolls] 21.

Jack: Do I notice her?

DM: Roll a Perception check.

Jack: [Rolls] 22

DM: You do.

Jack: I nod at her.

DM: Okay, the party is all here now. Who is going in with Kaz to parley with Geels of the Black Tips?

Jack: Jesper and Inej.

Erik: I dunno. Inej is great in, like, a sneaky situation, but this is out in the open and might come to blows. Shouldn’t you take me?

Jack: You took a lot of damage in that last brawl that you started for no reason. Jesper and Inej didn’t take any.

Erik: So? Kind of feels like you’re sidelining my character again.

Wyatt: I’m with the meatshield. It should be Jesper and Big Bol.

DM: Anya? What do you think?

Anya: Me? Um. I have a zero in Strength.

Erik: Exactly!

Jack: Fine. It’s your funeral. I’ll take Jesper and Big Bolliger.

DM: Jesper, one of the other Dregs turns to you. “Go on, give those guns over.”

Wyatt: I give a big sigh as I take them out. I don’t want to give them up. They’re, like, a part of me.

Erik: Aw. Do you give them a little kiss goodbye too?

Wyatt: [Laughing] Sure. “Take good care of my babies.”

Erik: Some gangster you are.

Wyatt: Good point. “If I see a single scratch or nick on those, I’ll spell forgive me on your chest with bullet holes.”

Erik: Wouldn’t he be dead halfway through forgive?

Wyatt: Dude, it’s about sending a message.

Erik: Forg?

Wyatt: Yeah. Forg you. Now cough up your weapons too. DM was pretty clear on the rules of the parley.

Erik: Yeah, I know. I hand over…my flail…my handaxe…my small knife…and…I think that’s it.

DM: You don’t have to remove them from your inventory, just know you don’t have access to anything other than Unarmed Strike.

Jack: Are we ready to go?

Wyatt: What about your weapons?

Jack: Who’d deny a poor cripple his cane?

Erik: You’re going to get us all killed again.

Jack: That wasn’t a TPK.

Erik: This might be if you keep this up.

Jack: All of us still have our Flashbacks except Wyatt and we bribed the guards. We’ll be fine.

Anya: It feels like a trap.

DM: Are you saying that as Anya or as Inej?

Anya: Inej says, “This is a mistake. Geels is up to something.”

Erik: Did I notice her before she spoke up?

DM: What’s your Passive Perception?

Erik: 12.

DM: Nope.

Erik: I flinch.

Wyatt: Yeah, DM, remind me why we’re doing this parley thing again?

DM: Per Haskell asked you to.

Wyatt: Right, right, right. The boss man. Forgot about him.

Anya: If anyone’s going to get us killed, it’s him, not Jack.

Erik: Jack got your previous character killed!

Wyatt: With Jack, it's bound to happen. Anya knows that. Jesper only survived because of some lucky rolls.

Erik: Don’t remind me.

Wyatt: What do you want to bet that one of us doesn’t make it out of this session alive?

DM: Hey, no betting on character deaths.

Jack: Isn’t that kind of what we do when we roll the dice?

DM: That’s…not—moving on! You all hear the bells of a nearby church begin to chime. It’s midnight. Time for the parley to start.

Jack: Kaz addresses the Dregs who are staying behind. “No matter what you hear, don’t join the fray unless I give the command. Stay sharp. Stay hidden.”

Anya: I hide. [Rolls] Natural 20.

[Laughter]

DM: You somehow vanish into the darkness without even moving.

Wyatt: Oh, shoot, I almost forgot about my rifle.

Erik: Wyatt!

Wyatt: I toss it to one of the others.

DM: The three of you head into the square, weaponless…ish. Across the way, you see three lanterns as Geels and his seconds come towards you.

Wyatt: I’m almost hoping it does come down to a fight. I want to see Big Bol finally throw one guy into another.

Erik: I mean, that’s the whole reason I picked Path of the Giant, but someone keeps on talking our way out of trouble.

Jack: Is that why you started that fight? Because you wanted to use Giant’s Havoc?

Erik: This score is all about defending Fifth Harbor. Big Bolliger was defending Fifth Harbor.

Jack: That fight was unnecessary and now you’re low on hit points.

Erik: So? It’s my character. I can do what I want.

Wyatt: C’mon, guys, really? This is a dumb thing to be fighting over.

Erik: We’re not fighting. Jack’s just being an asshole.

Jack: I’m just being right.

Erik: Whatever.

Wyatt: Hey, DM, who did Geels bring with him? Was Inej right? Is it the Golaith and that scarecrow?

DM: It is Elzinger and Oomen, yeah.

Jack: I make small talk with Geels when they get close enough.

DM: Don’t want to roleplay that?

Jack: Not particularly.

Wyatt: Well, I go over to Elzinger and pat him down.

DM: Make an Investigation check.

Erik: Oh, me too. I pat down Geels and Oomen.

DM: Okay, both of you make Investigation checks.

Wyatt: [Roll] Natural 20!

DM: Again!?

Erik: No way.

Wyatt: Yeah, take a look.

DM: Okay, well, you find a tiny knife in Elzinger’s sleeve.

Wyatt: “Naughty!” I toss it across the square.

DM: What about you, Erik?

Erik: Oh! [Rolls] That’s actually really good for me. 16.

DM: You don’t find anything on either of them.

Erik: “Clear!”

DM: They pat you all down too and…[Rolls] [Rolls] [Rolls] none of them identify your cane as a weapon, Kaz.

Wyatt: Oof. You’re lucky.

Jack: Not lucky. Smart. Intelligence and Wisdom are most likely their dump stats. The dice were in my favor.

DM: Now that the pleasantries are done, Geels gets down to business. “Let’s be fair, ja? All we want is a bit more scrub. It’s not fair for you to cull every spend-happy tourist stepping off a pleasure boat at Fifth Harbor.”

Jack: “Fifth Harbor is ours, Geels. The Dregs get first crack at the pigeons who come looking for a little fun.”

DM: Make a Persuasion Check.

Jack: [Rolls] 12.

DM: “You’re a young one, Brekker.” He gives an indulgent laugh. “Maybe you don’t understand how these things work. The harbors belong to the city, and we have as much right to them as anyone. We’ve all got a living to make.”

Wyatt: This guy is the worst. We’ve been building up Fifth Harbor since Level 1.

Jack: "Fifth Harbor is ours. It isn’t up for negotiation. You’re cutting into our traffic from the docks, and you intercepted a shipment of Yulchass that should have docked two nights ago.”

DM: “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jack: “I know it comes easy, Geels, but try not to play dumb with me.”

Wyatt: Oooooooh!

DM: Geels takes a step forward.

Erik: I prepare an action. If Geels attacks Kaz, I punch Geels.

Wyatt: Oh, uh, me too.

DM: Geels isn’t happy, but doesn’t attack. “Quit flexing, boy. We all know Per Haskell doesn’t have the stomach for a real brawl.”

Jack: “But I’m the one at your table, Geels, and I’m not here for a taste. You want a war, I’ll make sure you eat your fill.”

DM: Make an Intimidation check.

Jack: [Rolls] 15.

DM: “And what if you’re not around, Brekker? Everyone knows you’re the spine of Haskell’s operation—snap it and the Dregs collapse.”

Wyatt: Stomach. Spine. What’s next, spleen?

Anya: Shhh!

Jack: “I’m fairly sure you’re threatening me, Geels, but I want to be certain before I decide what to do about it.”

DM: “Sure of yourself, aren’t you, Bekker?”

Jack: “Myself and nothing else.”

Erik: Isn’t that the truth…

DM: Erik.

Erik: What?

DM: Nothing. Um. Geels bursts out laughing. You see him elbow Oomen. “Listen to this cocky little piece of crap. Brekker, you don’t own these streets.” He crosses his arms. “What if I told you there are two guards with automatic rifles pointed at you and your boys right now?”

Jack: Insight check. [Roll] 23.

DM: He’s not lying.

Wyatt: How did the Black Tips swing that? Their ledgers were not great.

Jack: I’m going to activate my Sending Stone without anyone noticing.

Erik: Sending Stone? Really? Not a Flashback?

Jack: No. Why?

DM: Jack, make a Sleight of Hand check.

Jack: [Rolls] 31.

Wyatt: Honestly, why do you even ask him to roll for that? You know his modifier is insane.

Jack: I say, so Inej hears: “Hiring city guards to do your killing? I’d say that’s an expensive proposition for a gang like the Black Tips. I’m not sure I believe your coffers could support it.”

Wyatt: That was…exactly 30 words. How do you do that!?

DM: You know Geels is telling the truth, so make a Deception check.

Jack: Fine. [Rolls] 16.

Anya: Um. If Jack’s not going to use his Flashback, I’d like to use mine.

DM: All right. When are we flashing back too?

Anya: Right after the guys left. And it’s not metagaming because I don’t think Inej would’ve stayed put.

DM: Fair enough. What are you doing?

Anya: I look around. What do I see?

DM: There’s a bunch of buildings. They’re like these windowless warehouses on the bottom with windowed offices on top.

Anya: Anything I can climb up? Like a drainpipe or something?

DM: Roll a Perception check.

Anya: [Rolls] 10.

DM: You have Darkvision, so I’ll give it to you. Yeah, there’s a drainpipe.

Anya: I check it for traps. [Rolls] 21.

DM: You don’t even need to touch it. You see it's covered in oil.

Anya: I go around the corner. Do I see any other options?

DM: Roll another Perception check.

Anya: [Roll] 15.

DM: There’s this stone cornice that’s decorated with flying fish that you can reach.

Anya: I check that for traps. [Roll] 16.

DM: You stand on your tippy toes and feel along the top. It’s been covered in ground glass.

Anya: Oh, good. I thought they knew about my Slippers of Spider Climbing from the drainpipe, but I guess not. I walk up the wall to the nearest window—wait.

DM: What?

Anya: I pull out two pitons and wedge them between the bricks as I go, to make it seem like that’s how I climbed up.

Jack: Smart.

Anya: T-thank you. Um. I, uh…I climb up to the nearest window and open it.

DM: It’s locked.

Anya: I pull out my thieves' tools.

DM: Make a lockpick check.

Anya: [Rolls] Not my strong suit. 10.

DM: Yeah, that’s not going to be high enough.

Anya: Can I try again?

DM: Yeah, but the DC is going to be higher.

Anya: That’s fine. [Rolls] 17!

DM: You hear a satisfying click and the window swings open into a deserted office, its walls covered in maps marked with trade routes and chalkboards listing share prices and the names of ships.

Anya: Does this room have a balcony that faces where the parley is?

DM: It does.

Anya: Okay, I duck into the office and lock the window behind me. I pick my way through the room and step out onto the balcony. What do I see?

DM: It’s maybe only been about a minute, so Kaz, Big Bolliger, and Jesper are still making their way across the square. From the other end you see another set of lanterns as Geels and his two seconds come to meet them.

Anya: I pull up the hood of my Cloak of Elvenkind.

Wyatt: Hell yeah.

DM: All right, make a Stealth check at advantage.

Anya: [Rolls] 26 and… [Rolls] 11. I’ll take the 26.

DM: You feel very well concealed as the cloak takes on the same gray tone as the stone walls around you. What are you doing?

Anya: Can I jump to the next balcony?

DM: Make an Acrobatics check.

Anya: [Roll] 21.

DM: Yeah, no problem.

Anya: I’m going to try to stay as close to Kaz and the others as I can.

DM: With those rolls, I’ll allow it. You soundlessly leap from balcony to balcony, tracking the rest of your party around the square.

Anya: Do I hear or see anything out of the ordinary?

DM: Roll a Perception check.

Anya: [Roll] 11.

DM: You hear the wind coming in off the harbor, and the thump of Kaz’s cane on the stones. You hear the indistinct sounds of Jesper talking and Big Bolliger laughing at something he said. As you draw nearer to the other side of the square, you also see Geels, Elzinger, and Oomen.

Anya: No guards?

DM: Not that you can see.

Anya: Okay. I’m in a pretty good position. I’ll wait.

DM: Roll another Stealth check to see if you remain undetected up until you get Kaz’s message.

Anya: [Rolls] 19 and [Rolls] a 12.

DM: Yeah, you’re fine.

Anya: But as soon as I get Kaz’s message, I climb to the roof of the Exchange.

DM: Easy enough with your slippers. Like most buildings in Ketterdam, it has a sharply gabled roof to keep the rains off it. The guards patrol it via a narrow walkway that overlooks the courtyard.

Anya: I’m not using that walkway.

Wyatt: Why not?

Anya: I think it would leave me too exposed. I’m going to scale about halfway up the roof instead and crawl along it looking for guards.

DM: Because you’re crawling, your slippers aren’t going to help you here. Make an Acrobatics check to see if you slip or fall.

Anya: Can I make it at advantage because of my Acrobatic Proficiency?

DM: No, that’s not how—

Jack: She’s talking about her background feature.

DM: Oh, right, her homebrew. Let me take a look…have advantage on any Athletics or Acrobatics checks to catch or hold your own body weight…okay, that tracks. Roll your Acrobatics at advantage.

Anya: Thanks. [Rolls] 16. [Rolls] 26.

DM: And roll a Stealth check while you’re at it.

Anya: Is my hood still up?

DM: Your hood is still up.

Anya: [Rolls] [Rolls] A 22 and a 23.

DM: You sneak along like a spider. No one knows you’re there.

Anya: Do I see any guards?

DM: Before I have you roll a Perception check, let’s get back to the guys. Geels is bragging. “Took some doing. We’re a small operation right now, and city guards don’t come cheap. But it’ll be worth it for the prize.”

Jack: “That being me?”

DM: “That being you.”

Jack: “I’m flattered.”

DM: “The Dregs won’t last a week without you.”

Jack: “I’d give them a month on sheer momentum.”

DM: “Smug little slum rat.” He laughs at you. “I can’t wait to wipe that look off your face.”

Jack: “So do it.”

Wyatt: Aw, c’mon, man. Don’t tempt fate.

Erik: Just use your Flashback and be done with it.

Jack: Not yet.

Erik: Inej won’t be able to stop both of them.

Anya: I can’t even find them.

DM: Roll that Perception check for Inej, Anya.

Anya: [Rolls] Uh. Not good. Natural 1.

DM: The Exchange takes up a whole city block and you’re moving very slowly.

Anya: Screw it. I get up and run.

DM: All right, you’re no longer stealthed. You also need to make a Dexterity saving throw.

Anya: But my slippers—

DM: They keep you from falling, but not from twisting an ankle while running across a steeply angled roof.

Anya: Ah. Okay. [Roll] 13?

Erik: Use your damn Flashback, Jack.

Jack: Why not use yours?

Erik: Well, if something goes wrong—

Jack: That’s what mine is for.

Wyatt: Well, somebody better use theirs or we’re getting shot!

Erik: Stop being an asshole and use your Flashback!

Jack: Fine, Erik. You want me to use my Flashback? I’ll use my Flashback.

DM: To when?

Jack: To when we first got the invitation to the parley. I immediately have our little spy in the Black Tips watch the coffers. As soon as they go dry, I’ll send a tip to our friend the Captain about his men taking bribes and watch which ones he leans on for half.

DM: Got it. Make an Investigation check.

Jack: [Rolls] Dirty 20. Who are they?

DM: They’re names are…Willem Holst and Bert Van Daal.

Jack: Any weak points? Vices?

Erik: Ugh. Is this some sort of Blades in the Dark-type shit again?

DM: Well, this campaign is inspired by Blades. Let’s see…with a dirty 20, you’d be able to find out that Holst is married and not only likes to gamble, but is into some really weird stomach-turning stuff.

Jack: Perfect, because we don’t have the money to counter whatever the Black Tips are paying him. I’m going to blackmail Holst. Sort of sidle up to him in the street and whisper in his ear exactly what he does when he thinks no one is watching.

DM: Make an Intimidation check.

Jack: [Rolls] Another dirty 20.

Wyatt: Dang, Dirtyhands.

[Laughter]

DM: That’s actually a really great nickname for your character.

Jack: Dirtyhands. I like it.

DM: Okay, yeah. Holst is deeply intimidated. The color drains from his face.

Jack: I tell him that, during the parley, he works for me, and when Geels gives him the signal to shoot me…I want him to shoot Big Bolliger.

Erik: WHAT!? The f—why???

Jack: It’s my character. I can do what I want.

Erik: That’s not—

Jack: Oh, and after I do that, I pull two members of the Dregs aside—two members that I brought with me to the parley tonight—and give them messages to run to Holst’s wife and the Captain detailing everything about his vice if I get shot, just for insurance.

Erik: Go back. Why are you shooting my character!?

Jack: Stop talking. “Geels, tell them to shoot.”

DM: Um.

Jack: “Go on. Find your balls and give the order.”

DM: Okay…fine. Geels shouts, “Fire!” and a gunshot splits the air. [Rolls] Big Bol, does a 14 hit?

Erik: …You know it does.

DM: You take [Rolls] 15 points of piercing damage.

Erik: I’m out.

DM: Well, a shot was fired, so I’m going to say roll Initiative. This won’t be a traditional 6-second per round battle, just sort of the order you’re all acting in.

Erik: Fine. [Rolls] 13.

Jack: [Rolls] 21.

Wyatt: [Rolls] Nat 20, baby!

Anya: Oh, uh… [Rolls] 19.

DM: Wyatt, that’s for a total of…?

Wyatt: 23.

DM: Okay, so it’ll be Jesper, Kaz, Inej, and then Big Bolliger. Oh! And Geels. [Rolls] He’ll go after Inej. Jesper?

Wyatt: Mmm?

DM: Big Bolliger has just been shot and is now crumpled on the ground. What do you do?

Wyatt: I shout “Damn it!” and drop to one knee as I try to stabilize him.

DM: Make a Medicine check.

Wyatt: C’mon, Nat 20! [Rolls] …3

DM: No dice.

Wyatt: I yell at Geels. “You worthless…” Hold on…

DM: What is that?

Wyatt: You told me Ketterdam was based on 17th-century Dutch Republic-era Amsterdam, so I put together a bunch of slang words from that time period. Just let me find a good one. Oh! “You worthless podge! You just violated neutral territory!”

DM: “Nothing to say you didn’t shoot first. And who is going to know? None of you are walking out of here.” Okay. Kaz, you’re up.

Jack: I do nothing.

DM: …Are you sure?

Jack: Yes.

DM: All right, Inej. What are you doing?

Anya: Did I see and hear all of this?

DM: Make a Perception check.

Anya: [Rolls] 22.

DM: Yep.

Anya: Anything seem off to me?

DM: With that high of a roll, I’d say, yeah. Geels’s voice sounds a little too high and you notice Kaz hasn’t moved.

Anya: Can I Insight check on Geels?

DM: Go ahead.

Anya: [Rolls] 19.

DM: Oh, he’s panicking. Things aren’t going as planned. You gather Kaz did something no one was expecting.

Erik: You think!?

DM: I’ll say he wastes his turn. Erik, you’re up. Roll a Death saving throw for me.

Erik: [Rolls] 7.

DM: Take one failure. Okay, back to the top. Jesper?

Wyatt: Well, Jesper has no idea this was on purpose, so he’s all, “Kaz, Bolliger’s bleeding bad—”

Jack: “Good.”

Wyatt: “Kaz, he needs a cleric!”

Erik: What’s your problem, man? Why do you want my character dead!?

Jack: If I wanted your character dead, he would be dead already. I’m just letting the dice decide. That’s how the game should be played.

Erik: …

Jack: Are you done with your turn, Wyatt?

Wyatt: I guess? I don’t know what else Jesper would do.

Jack: My turn. I tell Geels I knew all about his plan for tonight, and how I countered it, in order to buy Inej more time to take down Van Daal.

Anya: Do I realize this?

DM: Hmmm. I’ll say…Kaz, make a Deception check because you’re stalling. I’ll have Inej make an Insight check during her turn.

Jack: [Rolls] 13.

DM: I’ll say that’s high enough to stall, but only for two more rounds, and that’s your turn. Inej, you’re up. Make an Insight check. At advantage, I guess, because Kaz is trying to help you.

Anya: [Rolls] 11. [Rolls] 21.

DM: Oh, you definitely pick up on what he is trying to do.

Anya: Did I see where Holst’s shot came from?

DM: You weren’t expecting it, so…make an Intelligence check at disadvantage.

Anya: [Rolls] 15! [Rolls] …and an 8.

DM: No idea. And that’s your turn. Geels is being stalled by Kaz, so Erik—

Erik: I know, I know. [Rolls] 9. Are you serious!?

DM: That’s two failures. Jesper?

Wyatt: I’m going to try a Medicine check again. [Roll] 9.

DM: It’s no good. At this rate, Big Bolliger is going to bleed out.

Wyatt: Sorry, Erik. I have a -1 in Medicine.

DM: Kaz, it’s your turn.

Jack: What if I get Holst to shoot again? Would that help Inej find him?

DM: How would you do that?

Jack: Just sort of obliquely bring up his blackmail to remind him of our deal and of who’s side he’s on.

DM: Make an Intimidation check.

Jack: [Roll] 24.

DM: Holst shoots the cobblestones near Geels’ feet. Inej?

Anya: Did I see where that came from?

DM: Make a Perception check.

Anya: I’m much better at that. [Rolls] 15.

DM: That’s just enough. You track the origin of the gunfire to the west side of the Exchange.

Anya: Then Van Daal has to be on the east side somewhere. I get moving.

DM: Okay, for his turn, Geels is going to try to persuade Holst to shoot you anyway, Kaz. “Just shoot him, Holst! Shoot him in the head!”

Jack: Called shots are going to raise my AC.

DM: I know, but he needs to beat your dirty 20 first. [Roll] Also a dirty 20.

Wyatt: How does that work when ties usually go to the roller?

Jack: I speak up, reveal my insurance plan with the messengers.

DM: That’ll do it. No shot comes, but that means Geels is going to call on Van Daal next. Inej, if you don’t get to him on your turn, he will shoot Kaz.

Jack: She’ll get to him.

DM: Inej?

Anya: Do I see him?

DM: Make a Perception check at advantage now that you know his general location.

Anya: [Rolls] 12 and… [Rolls] 21!

DM: You can barely pick out Van Daal’s shadow. He’s almost 100 feet away.

Anya: Well, I have 45 feet of movement, and I can use Cunning Action to Dash.

DM: You’re still on a steeply angled roof though, so—

Jack: She has the Mobile feat, so when she uses the Dash action, difficult terrain doesn't cost her extra movement. She can use her Bonus Action first to Dash to get all 90 feet.

Anya: Yeah, that’s what I do.

DM: Okay…You barely have enough time to slide down the roof tiles, but you reach Van Daal before he can shoot. Roll a Stealth check to see if you managed to surprise him. This will be a contested roll versus his Perception. [Roll]

Anya: Do I roll at advantage because of my cloak?

DM: It’ll actually be a straight roll. Normally it would be at disadvantage because you gave up stealthing to move faster, but your cloak negates the disadvantage.

Anya: Right. [Roll] 14.

DM: He rolled an 11. His Passive Perception would make it a 12, but that’s obviously not enough. He has no idea that you have slipped up behind him. What do you do?

Anya: I pull out two of my daggers and grapple him so one is at his throat and the other is pressed against his kidney.

DM: This is going to be another contested roll. Your Athletics versus his Athletics or Acrobatics. You’re going to roll at advantage though because it’s a surprise attack.

Anya: Okay. [Rolls] 19 and… [Rolls] 3.

DM: [Rolls] You succeed.

Wyatt: Nice!

Jack: Good job.

DM: Do you say anything to him?

Anya: Yeah. I go…um…”Shhhh.”

DM: “Please,” he moans. “I—”

Anya: “I like it when men beg, but this isn’t the time for it.”

Wyatt: Whoa. Dark.

DM: I like it!

Anya: Thanks.

DM: Geels calls for Van Daal, but, of course, there is no answer. He turns to you, Kaz. “Always one step ahead, aren’t you?”

Jack: “Geels, when it comes to you, I’d say I have a running start.”

DM: Okay, Erik. Make another Death saving throw for Big Bolliger.

Erik: This is so stupid. I’m probably going to die here because Jack is a little shit and—you know what? I use my Flashback.

Jack: This ought to be good.

Erik: Shut up.

DM: Okay…When do you flashback to?

Erik: When I was searching Geels and the other guy. Geels actually had a gun on him and I let him keep it.

Wyatt: What!? Why would Big Bol do that?

Jack: He’s a traitor.

Erik: You were a traitor first! But try to talk your way out of this one, Jack.

DM: First, make a Deception check.

Erik: What? Why?

DM: You succeed either way. This is to see if Kaz knows Geels has a gun or not.

Jack: Contested roll against my Insight?

DM: Yep.

Erik: That’s not…C’mon, his Insight is his second-best stat!

Wyatt: Your Deception isn’t bad!

DM: It’s like you both said. We’re letting the dice decide.

Erik: Fine. [Rolls] 19! For a total of 21!

Jack [Rolls] 23.

Erik: Bullshit!

Jack: See for yourself. I don’t fudge my rolls.

Erik: …

DM: Kaz knew you were a traitor. That’s why he had Holst target you. And that is why he is not surprised when Geels draws a heavy black pistol.

Jack: I say, “Finally. The big reveal. Now Jesper can stop keening over Bolliger like a wet-eyed woman.”

Anya: Did Jesper and I know Big Bol was a traitor?

DM: Roll Insight to find out.

Anya: [Rolls] Dirty 20

Wyatt: [Rolls] 14! Not bad.

DM: No. I will say, Anya, with a dirty 20, Inej would be able to quickly figure out what happened though.

Erik: But Kaz still has a gun pointed at his chest.

DM: That he does. And you have to make another Death saving throw.

Erik: [Rolls] 16. Finally, a decent roll.

DM: That’s two failures and one success. Jesper?

Wyatt: I stare at Geels’ gun. I’m stunned. Furious. “Bolliger searched him. He…Oh, Big Bol, you idiot!” And that’s my turn.

DM: Kaz? Your go.

Erik: Yeah, Kaz Bekker, the great escape artist. Your go. How are you going to wriggle your way out of this one?

Jack: …You want to know what your problem is when it comes to playing D&D, Erik?

Erik: I’ve been waiting for this. What?

Jack: You want to win. You want to be the guy who does the cool stuff and saves the day. Every. Single. Time. And when things don’t work out, you cheat or get all bent out of shape and make it everyone’s problem. And that’s not fun for anyone.

Erik: So you kill my character?

Wyatt: Hey, you’re not dead yet.

Erik: I might as well be. I’ve somehow gone over to the Black Tips.

Jack: I opened the door, but you’re the one who walked through it.

Erik: What was I supposed to do!? You shot me!

Jack: Technically, an NPC shot you.

[Sound of a chair being pushed back]

Wyatt: Whoa, whoa, whoa—Erik, this is a game. What Jack did was a total dick move, but he’s also not wrong.

Erik: Seriously? DM? Anya?

Anya: Uh…

DM: Erik, most of us have been playing with you since college. We like playing with you. But you can get like that sometimes, yeah.

Erik: I can’t believe you guys are taking his side. Jack killed my previous character! And did you hear about the one-shot he ran for me and Nina last month?

Jack: Anya’s character died too and you don’t see her holding it against me. And Nina liked the one-shot.

Erik: I didn’t.

Jack: Right. Because you didn’t win.

Erik: Because you gave my girlfriend a sadistic choice!

Jack: I was trying to tell an interesting story. And she took a third option, which was really cool.

DM: You two just play D&D differently, that’s all. Don’t forget that Jack’s never been a player with us before this campaign, so it makes sense that there’d be some friction. But you guys are friends and this is a game. Jack, I commend you on your storytelling, but I’m the DM this time, not you. You are a PC. You can tell your own story; it’s not cool that you hijacked someone else’s without their consent.

Jack: That’s…yeah, I could see that.

DM: Erik, it’s okay if your PC fails or dies. It doesn’t mean you lost D&D—that’s not how it works. It’s a luck-based game; it’s bound to happen. Success wouldn’t mean much if you succeed every single time. The point is to have fun—whatever that looks like to you. But your fun should never be at the expense of your fellow players.

Erik: …

DM: Do you want to end for the night or do you want to sit back down and keep playing?

[Sound of someone sitting on a chair and scooting it forward]

Erik: Let’s just finish this. Something tells me that Jack and I are both making new characters after tonight.

DM: Geels has his gun pressed up against your chest now, Kaz. “I’m shooting from close range. Maybe your guards get me or my guys, but no way you’re going to dodge this bullet.”

Jack: “Nineteen Burstraat.”

DM: Um. What?

Jack: Nineteen Burstraat.

DM: That’s…I think that’s an address I gave you when you were gathering information on Geels. What was that? Hold on…

Jack: It’s the address of his girlfriend.

DM: Oh, that’s right.

Wyatt: That packet DM gave us? You read it all?

Jack: Read it and memorized it.

Erik: Of course you did.

DM: Right. Make an Intimidation check at advantage.

Jack: [Rolls] 8. [Rolls] Natural 20.

DM: For a total of…?

Jack: 25.

DM: Okay, not only does Geels go very still, but a siren begins wailing in the distance, adding to the overall sense of unease. Geels swallows. “Don’t have a girl.”

Jack: “Oh yes, you do. She’s pretty, too. Well, pretty enough for a…” Can I see your list, Wyatt?

Wyatt: Sure.

Jack: “...Pretty enough for a fink like you.”

Wyatt: Nice.

Jack: “Seems sweet. You love her, don’t you? Of course you do. No one that fine should ever have looked twice at Barrel scum like you, but she’s different. She finds you charming. Sure sign of madness if you ask me, but love is strange that way.”

DM: As already established, he’s extremely intimidated. What’s your play?

Jack: I tell him, “She lives at Nineteen Burstraat. Three floors up, geraniums in the window boxes. There are two Dregs waiting outside her door right now, and if I don’t walk out of here whole and feeling righteous, they will set that place alight from floor to rooftop. It will go up in seconds, burning from both ends with poor Elise trapped in the middle. Her blonde hair will catch first. Like the wick of a candle.”

Erik: You already used your Flashback.

Jack: I know.

DM: Make a Deception check. It’ll be a contested roll against Geels’ Insight.

Jack: [Rolls] Dirty 20.

Wyatt: Fitting.

DM: [Rolls] “You’re bluffing.”

Wyatt: Oh, shit.

Jack: Insight check.

DM: Go ahead.

Jack: [Rolls] 23.

DM: His pistol hand is trembling.

Jack: I lift my head and inhale deeply. You said there were sirens, right?

DM: I…did.

Jack: I say, “Getting late now. You heard the siren. I smell the harbor on the wind, sea and salt, and maybe—is that smoke I smell too?”

DM: …I can’t tell if this is Intimidation or Deception.

Jack: Doesn’t matter. I have a +5 in both.

DM: Works for me! Roll Intimideception at advantage.

Jack: [Rolls] [Rolls] I’ll take that 18.

DM: Geels’ finger twitches on the trigger, but, in the end, his shoulders sag. “You’ll get what’s coming to you someday, Brekker.” And then he lets his arm drop, his pistol hanging uselessly by his side.

Erik: Are you serious!? He bluffed his way out? Again!?

Jack: The dice don’t lie.

DM: Okay, the score has come to an end in your favor and you've raised the Rep of The Dregs, but also your Heat. What Payoff do you ask for?

Wyatt: Black Tips stay out of Fifth Harbor!

Jack: Obviously. We also want our shipment of Yulchass replaced. There was a neutral ground infraction too, so the Black Tips need to pay for that as well. Can we make it double?

DM: Roll a Persuasion check at advantage.

Jack: [Rolls] [Rolls] Balls. I grab my cane with both hands and smash the wrist of Geels’ gun hand. I’m going to use my Clockwork Amulet to automatically get a 16.

DM: That hits

Jack: [Rolls] 10 points of bludgeoning damage.

DM: He screams as the bones shatter, the gun clattering to the paving stones. “I stood down! I stood down!” he cries.

Jack: “That’s for drawing on me. You do that again and I’ll break both your wrists and you’ll have to hire someone to help you take a piss.”

Wyatt: What about Big Bol?

DM: Ah, shoot. I forgot. Erik, making another Death saving throw.

Erik: What’s the point? Whether he lives or dies or joins the Black Tips or gets out of dodge, he’s done. I’m going to make a new character.

Anya: I’ll roll for him. [Rolls] 17.

DM: In that case, I’ll leave it ambiguous.

Jack: I look at my Clockwork Amulet. “I didn’t expect this to go on so long. I’d best be on my way or poor Elise will be getting a trifle warm.”

DM: Geels shakes his head. “There’s something wrong with you, Brekker. I don’t know what you are, but you’re not made right.”

Wyatt: Yeah, it’s called a Variant Human and they get to start with a Feat. It’s totally unfair.

Jack: I tell him that I’m the kind of bastard they only manufacture in the Barrel as I walk away with Jesper.

DM: Inej, what are you doing?

Anya: Can I steal Van Daal’s rifle?

DM: That would be a contested Strength roll.

Anya: [Rolls] 15.

DM: [Rolls] That’s enough. You can now add ‘Rifle, Automatic’ to your inventory.

Anya: Cool. I release him and tell him to go home.

DM: He casts a single terrified glance over his shoulder and sprints off down the walkway.

Anya: I say a quick prayer to the gods and goddesses for Big Bolliger and then start climbing down to reunite with Kaz and Jesper and the others.

DM: Okay, this is where we’ll end it for the night. Next week, we’ll be doing our downtime and level-up. That’ll give Erik some time to create his new character. Don't forget we're meeting at the game store because Nina's parents will be in town. Who’s on snacks?

Anya: I’ll do it.

Wyatt: Yesssssss. Love me some Loco de Frito.

Anya: Who says I’m bringing leftover chips and salsa from work?

Wyatt: Are you bringing leftover chips and salsa from work?

Anya: …Yeah.

Wyatt: ¡Impresionante!

Jack: Hey, Erik, no hard feelings, right?

Erik: Yeah, no, man. We’re cool. What a crazy session. Sorry I got so heated. I gotta work on that.

Jack: No worries. I’ll be interested to see what new character you come up with.

Erik: I got a few ideas…

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