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The weight of wanting

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The doorway was crowded with students pouring out of the examination hall, accompanied by collective groans and relieved laughter. The war was finally over. It was the last day of exams, and everyone was glad to be done and enjoy a break.

 

Though the fact didn't bring much comfort, knowing they would soon be anxiously waiting for their results. It was a lose-lose situation.

 

Among those students was Jeongguk, who was trying his best to get out as quickly as possible. He pushed through the packed crowd while muttering apologies. The reason being that someone was getting away, and he wanted to catch up with them.

 

That someone was his professor, who was carrying the students' scripts while walking towards the staff room. He had invigilated yet another exam.

 

He would never catch a break.

 

Jeongguk finally made it out of the hall and hurried after the man, who remained completely unaware of his presence. He reached him and started walking beside him.

 

Taehyung noticed someone in the corner of his eye and turned his head. The moment he spotted the boy, he quickly glanced around.

 

"We can't be seen together like this, Jeongguk. Especially when I'm still holding students' papers," Taehyung whisper-yelled.

 

Jeongguk merely blinked.

 

"Go to my office. I'll find you there after I drop these off."

 

The boy didn't argue. He simply nodded and walked away with a dejected expression.

 

Taehyung scoffed and kept walking.

 

"You and Jeon seem to be very close."

 

The sudden voice startled Taehyung.

 

He looked to his left and found a man wearing thin glasses with a small smile resting on his lips.

 

Professor Baek.

 

They were in the same department but didn't know each other that much apart from the fact that he was another younger professor. 

 

"He used to attend my lectures, you know. Then one day he asked to be transferred to yours." He chuckled softly. "Guess my teaching wasn't resonating with him."

 

Taehyung processed what he had just heard.

 

He had always assumed Jeongguk was simply a new student when he first appeared in his class.

 

Apparently not.

 

He made a mental note to ask the boy about it later.

 

"Uh... yes, maybe."

 

"He is a brilliant student."

 

"That he is."

 

They continued walking, turning down the corridor that led to the staff room.

 

"Be careful," Professor Baek said casually. "Someone might think there's something going on between the two of you, considering how glued he is to you even after lectures."

 

A strange look passed through through his eyes before he patted his shoulder and disappeared around the corner.

 

Taehyung stopped for a moment.

 

His grip tightened slightly around the papers.

 

The comment settled uncomfortably in his chest.

 

There was nothing inappropriate happening between them.

 

So why did he suddenly feel the need to look over his shoulder?

 

Fortunately, nobody seemed to have heard her.

 

After a moment, he continued walking.

 

Still, the words lingered.

 

***

 

"You know Professor Baek? The history lecturer?"

 

Taehyung asked casually while gathering a few books from his shelf.

 

He wouldn't be coming back to campus anytime soon now that the semester had ended.

 

They were currently in his office.

 

Jeongguk was sprawled across the couch with a lollipop in his mouth. He had already been there when Taehyung returned, exactly as instructed.

 

The younger had offered him another sweet, which Taehyung had initially refused.

 

Then Jeongguk gave him puppy eyes.

 

Taehyung had accepted immediately.

 

He really needed to work on that.

 

"Yeah, I know him. Why?"

 

Jeongguk was playing a game on his phone while absentmindedly swinging his sock-covered feet.

 

"Nothing. He told me you used to be in his class before you transferred to mine."

 

"Yeah. And?"

 

Taehyung could instantly tell the boy didn't want to talk about it.

 

His attention was glued to his phone anyway.

 

A small smile tugged at Taehyung's lips.

 

He moved towards his desk and opened a drawer. After removing the few personal belongings he kept there—mostly his journal—he packed everything away.

 

Once he was done, he walked to the door.

 

"Let's go."

 

He held the handle while waiting for Jeongguk to get up so he could lock the office.

 

***

 

"You're awfully quiet. Did the exams drain you?"

 

Taehyung joked as he lightly bumped his shoulder against Jeongguk's.

 

The younger chuckled.

 

He tried bumping him back, but Taehyung stepped away at the last second.

 

Jeongguk missed.

 

Both of them burst into laughter.

 

The corridor was empty. Most students had already gone home, leaving the two of them alone.

 

Perhaps that was why they were being so playful.

 

It was new.

 

Neither of them paid much attention to it.

 

Or maybe they were simply very good at ignoring it.

 

They continued towards the parking lot where their cars were parked side by side.

 

Yes.

 

That had become a thing.

 

A few weeks ago, Jeongguk had somehow started parking in the department lot instead of the student parking area.

 

Taehyung had argued about it.

 

Jeongguk simply claimed the dean had allowed him.

 

Why?

 

How?

 

Taehyung hadn't bothered asking.

 

"You're unbelievably stubborn," Taehyung muttered. "I'll never get used to walking to this side of the parking lot with you."

 

"Trust me, next semester I'll still be here. You'll get used to it."

 

The smug smile on Jeongguk's face made Taehyung roll his eyes.

 

"Also it'll be—wait.Mom?"

 

Jeongguk suddenly stopped. That made the other man to pause too.

 

A few steps away stood a woman beside a black car, smiling brightly in their direction.

 

Jeongguk's eyes widened.

 

He immediately walked over.

 

"Mom? Why are you—Dad?"

 

His sentence died when his father stepped out of the car as well, smiling just as widely.

 

"Oh, my baby!"

 

His mother threw her arms around him.

 

Jeongguk laughed despite himself and returned the hug.

 

His mother patted his back repeatedly before pulling away and grabbing his face.

 

"Look at you. You're so thin."

 

"Mom."

 

"You don't eat enough."

 

"Mom."

 

She ignored him completely.

 

A kiss landed on his forehead.

 

Meanwhile, his father ruffled his hair and patted his shoulder.

 

This was one thing Jeongguk would never understand about his parents.

 

They still treated him like he was eight years old.

 

Not that he'd complain too much.

 

He had missed them too.

 

"I'm going to feed you properly now," his mother declared. "Don't worry."

 

"Yes, he definitely needs food," his father agreed while squeezing his arm. "At least you've been working out."

 

His mother immediately shot him a look.

 

Jeongguk laughed.

 

Some things never changed.

 

His mother hated how much he exercised.

 

His father encouraged every second of it.

 

The man had practically been his personal trainer when he was seventeen.

 

They had always been gym buddies.

 

"Wait, who's that?"

 

His mother looked behind him.

 

Jeongguk mentally cursed.

 

He had completely forgotten about Taehyung.

 

The professor had been standing there the entire time, witnessing every second of his humiliation.

 

Wonderful!

 

He slowly turned around.

 

Sure enough, Taehyung was still there, wearing a polite smile.

 

Though Jeongguk already knew the man was going to tease him later.

 

"Uh... that's my professor. Kim Taehyung."

 

"Oh really?"

 

His mother's eyes lit up immediately.

 

"You're Ggukie's professor?"

 

Jeongguk wanted to disappear.

 

"We're his parents."

 

She grabbed Taehyung's hand enthusiastically.

 

Taehyung bowed politely.

 

"Nice to meet you. I'm his history professor."

 

"And how is he?"

 

Taehyung glanced at Jeongguk.

 

The boy was already regretting every life decision that had led to this moment.

 

"He's a brilliant student."

 

His parents practically beamed.

 

"That's wonderful," Mrs. Jeon said proudly. "Now if only you could help him eat properly too."

 

"Mom."

 

The complaint came out immediately.

 

Taehyung bit back a laugh.

 

"Uh... I'll try."

 

The teasing look he shot Jeongguk made the younger groan.

 

"We came to surprise him," Mrs. Jeon explained. "His last exam finished over an hour ago, and we've been waiting forever."

 

Taehyung felt a brief flicker of guilt.

 

After all, he was partly responsible for keeping Jeongguk occupied.

 

Luckily, Jeongguk quickly claimed he had something important to do.

 

Mrs. Jeon continued talking, explaining how they had asked the dean for Jeongguk's exam schedule.

 

Apparently the Jeons and the dean were old friends.

 

Suddenly everything made sense.

 

The parking privileges.

 

The special permissions.

 

Everything.

 

"It was lovely meeting you, Mr. Kim," Mrs. Jeon said warmly. "Hopefully we'll see each other again."

 

Taehyung bowed politely.

 

"It was nice meeting you too."

 

The couple finally climbed into the car.

 

Jeongguk lingered beside Taehyung for a moment.

 

"Bye, hyung. We'll talk."

 

Then he climbed into the passenger seat.

 

Taehyung watched the vehicle for a moment before noticing a man in a suit approaching Jeongguk's car.

 

The driver.

 

Of course.

 

Shaking his head, Taehyung got into his own car and drove away.

 

 

 

 

                                                                           ***

Jeongguk stood in front of the mirror, inspecting his reflection.

 

He had been trying to fix his tie for the past two minutes, but it still wouldn't sit properly. With an annoyed groan, he yanked it off completely.

 

He hated suits.

 

They were suffocating.

 

Unfortunately, his mother would never allow him to show up to dinner wearing anything less.

 

After leaving campus, they had driven to Jeongguk's penthouse because his parents were staying at one of the hotels they owned. He had tried arguing with them, but his mother had insisted on seeing his place first.

 

The moment they arrived, she had marched straight into the kitchen while the butler followed behind carrying several bags of groceries.

 

Apparently she had already gone shopping for him.

 

She had also informed him that they would be having dinner at some expensive restaurant whose name Jeongguk had immediately forgotten.

 

The reservation had already been made.

 

His parents eventually left for the hotel, promising to come back and pick him up later.

 

Which explained why his phone was currently ringing on the nightstand.

 

Jeongguk grabbed it.

 

"We're waiting."

 

That was all his mother said before hanging up.

 

***

 

Jeongguk parked beside his parents' car.

 

His mother had suggested they all travel together, but he had refused.

 

The moment he had stepped outside earlier, she had immediately asked where his tie was.

 

Then she had complained about his hair.

 

Driving separately had been the safer option.

 

As soon as they entered the restaurant, a hostess guided them through the dimly lit space towards a table tucked away in a quiet corner.

 

Jeongguk settled into his seat across from his parents.

 

Only then did he properly take in his surroundings.

 

It wasn't as if he'd never been to places like this before.

 

Still, the restaurant was stunning.

 

Crystal chandeliers cast warm golden light across the room. Soft piano music drifted through the air while quiet conversations blended with the occasional clink of wine glasses.

 

The atmosphere felt intimate.

 

Almost too intimate.

 

There weren't many people either.

 

Mostly couples.

 

Couples sitting face to face.

 

Smiling.

 

Laughing.

 

Looking at each other as if nobody else existed.

 

Jeongguk mentally scoffed.

 

 

His gaze wandered aimlessly across the room.

 

Then it stopped.

 

His entire body went rigid.

 

A familiar face stared back at him.

 

For a moment, Jeongguk thought he was imagining things.

 

Then he looked again.

 

No.

 

It was definitely him.

 

Taehyung.

 

Sitting at a table several feet away.

 

And he wasn't alone.

 

Across from him sat his wife.

 

Jeongguk immediately recognized her long brown hair despite only seeing her from behind.

 

Something sharp sliced through his chest.

 

A feeling so sudden and unpleasant that he physically felt it.

 

His eyes returned to Taehyung.

 

The professor had already noticed him.

 

Those warm brown eyes widened slightly.

 

Like a deer caught in headlights.

 

Taehyung was dressed in a black suit.

 

A bow tie rested perfectly around his neck.

 

His hair had been styled neatly, every strand in place.

 

His forehead was completely exposed.

 

He looked—

 

Handsome.

 

Breathtaking.

 

Jeongguk hated that his mind supplied the words anyway.

 

They had dressed up for each other.

 

Taehyung in his tailored suit.

 

His wife in a stunning red dress that exposed her back.

 

A perfect couple enjoying a romantic dinner.

 

Jeongguk looked away and pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

 

Suddenly the restaurant felt too warm.

 

At some point a server appeared to take their order.

 

Jeongguk barely heard a word.

 

His parents ended up ordering for him.

 

His appetite had vanished completely.

 

And every time he looked up, he found himself catching glimpses of Taehyung smiling politely at his wife while she laughed softly.

 

His stomach twisted.

 

"What's wrong, honey?" his mother asked. "Is the food not to your liking?"

 

Guilt immediately washed over him.

 

He simply shook his head.

 

He didn't trust himself to speak.

 

***

On the other side of the restaurant, Taehyung was anything but comfortable.

 

His palms were damp.

 

He kept discreetly wiping them against his trousers.

 

He had seen the exact moment Jeongguk noticed him.

 

Seen the way the boy's expression darkened.

 

Seen the way his jaw clenched before he looked away.

 

And for some reason, Taehyung couldn't stop thinking about it.

 

His chest felt tight.

 

Uncomfortably tight.

 

He tried reminding himself that he wasn't doing anything wrong.

 

Because he wasn't.

 

This was dinner.

 

With his wife.

 

Something completely normal.

 

Something he had done countless times before.

 

Yet every time his eyes drifted towards Jeongguk's table, guilt crawled beneath his skin.

 

He forced a smile.

 

It didn't reach his eyes.

 

Soyeon remained engrossed in conversation, thankfully oblivious to his distraction.

 

Taehyung barely heard a single thing she said.

 

All he knew was that his suit suddenly felt too tight.

 

His tie felt restrictive.

 

Even the food tasted bland.

 

Why did he feel like he had been caught doing something wrong?

 

Why did he feel strangely defensive when he hadn't done anything?

 

And most importantly—

 

Why was Jeongguk standing up?

 

Taehyung's attention followed him immediately.

 

The boy hadn't touched his food.

 

Not once.

 

He simply excused himself and walked towards the exit.

 

Taehyung watched him go.

 

Watched him disappear through the restaurant doors.

 

Something unpleasant settled heavily in his chest.

 

For one reckless second, he felt the overwhelming urge to follow him.

 

To ask what was wrong.

 

To stop him.

 

But Soyeon was sitting right in front of him.

 

At that exact moment, she lifted her fork and offered him a piece of steak with a smile.

 

Before he could respond, his phone vibrated.

 

Taehyung reached for it absentmindedly.

 

The moment he saw the sender's name, his stomach dropped.

A single message waited for him.

 

Hope you enjoyed your dinner.