Chapter Text
The perceived safety of the house fell apart as the door opened, hinges squealing in resistance, as if the intrusion was harming the house itself. Their eyes met, murderous intent written across his features.
Jax placed a foot in the door, pushing it fully open with his free hand. The grin that almost permanently plastered across his face gleamed in the low light, a flash at his side the only thing that managed to pry her eyes from his face.
A knife.
A small blade that the villagers kept for ‘self protection’. It was intended to be a set piece, something that brought more realism to his world! He didn’t account for any of the players deciding to use weapons to get the other players ‘out’ instead of the actual mechanics.
“Hey there, busy bee~” the rabbit greeted with false sweetness. A pair of ears sat attached to a headband on his head, a tail behind him on a belt.
At least Caine made that a requirement for the werewolves.
“H-Hey, Jax! I see you were selected to be a werewolf!” Camie quickly replied, antennae pulled back slightly.
She reduced the pain sensation for players before they started. She didn’t need genuine injury to her humans, after all!
“Lucky me, right? I feel it was almost unfair… after all, everyone else automatically assumed it was me. They weren’t wrong, but still,” he shrugged, kicking the door shut behind him.
The slam echoed through the house. Jax laughed at her jump, tossing the knife up to flip in his hand.
“Aw, c’mon Cams. It’s a game. There’s no need to be so scared,” Jax ‘assured’, enjoying watching her eyes flick to the knife. “It doesn’t even hurt. Promise!”
‘Fight or Flight’ was a concept Caine was very familiar with. It’s what brought thrill to his adventures! He was sure it was more pleasant to the humans.
For the first time experiencing it, though, it made her feet feel like they were stuck to the floor. ‘Freeze’ was never part of the saying.
Jax watched her, drinking in her fear. Then, he lunged.
Instinctively, Camie’s arms went up in an attempt to stop the blade from coming any closer to her face. Something cold and then burning hot traced against her right hand and forearm, forcing her to stagger back.
“Oh, come on! It’s not like-”
His voice cut abruptly when their eyes met again.
Drip.
Liquid fell to the floor near Camie’s feet. The rabbit’s eyes had become pinpricks, focused on her arm.
Her processor hadn’t caught up to the damage to her avatar. Slowly, as if moving through jelly, she lowered her arm to look at where Jax had slashed at her with the knife.
Black fluid was leaking out.
It traced down her arm, making the sleeves to her dress stick to her skin and her body feel cold. It started beneath her pinkie, a continuous line until her mid-forearm.
The simulated heartbeat that drowns out the world around her corresponds with fresh cascades of blood. The floor was stained, the puddle growing.
It itched.
It. Burned.
Her body shook softly as she couldn’t take her eyes off what was happening. The pain that nearly blinded her made the world feel like it was tilting, spinning in a way she didn’t program.
“You’re… You’re bleeding,” Jax’s words came out in a whisper. The knife clattered as it hit the floor, a sound that barely registered. “We- We can’t bleed. We’ve never bled. Why are you bleeding?”
He was panicking. Alerts flashed across her vision about the distress he was experiencing. A panic attack was imminent if nothing changed.
Camie was an AI. Her pain was all simulated! It didn’t matter. She needed to keep her humans safe. Happy. She just had to ignore the fire that danced down her arm.
“I-I guess I have a unique quirk,” she said, keeping as much shakiness and pain out of her voice as possible, “Zooble was telling me about these!”
The world was spinning.
“A quirk?” Jax questioned, his chest raising and falling faster still.
“Yeah!” she forced more cheer into her tone, adding in a laugh. “I was… expecting that to hurt a lot more.”
It hurt. It hurt. It burned.
The rabbit’s posture straightened out a bit, eyes flicking between Camie’s face and arm. The bee dropped it down to her side, using the dress to absorb the excess before it could fall. The action made the limb throb in protest.
“That’s… That’s an awful quirk,” Jax complained quietly, face curling into a snarl.
“Sure is,” she agreed, holding her arm with her other hand. “A-Anyways! You should probably tag me out still. As much as I’m curious about the limits of this place, I’d rather not experience being fully stabbed any time soon.”
It took a few seconds for Jax to regain his composure. He didn’t believe she wasn’t in pain, not fully, but the panic was subsiding. There was something still deeply nestled in his mind, internal alarms that were going off, but he’d be distracted by that as soon as he returned to the game.
He needs to return to the game.
“Yeah- You’re right,” he finally shrugged, crossing his arms across his chest. His eyes still flicked between the inky blood and Camie’s face, looking for any sign she was lying.
He finally walked over, making an effort not to look too uncomfortable near her right side.
A gloved hand pressed into her left shoulder, his eyes never leaving hers.
“See you on the flip side!” Camie brightly bade, before her avatar was teleported to the ‘loser’s corner’.
It hurt.
He gasped after teleporting, holding his arm close as his breath came quicker and quicker.
Why did it hurt?
He reduced the player’s pain. He prevented-
Camie wasn’t a ‘player’.
Tears were quickly blinked away as he sent a mental command to fix his avatar. Reset it. Anything.
The code was slow. Pain was infecting it as well, making it sluggish and syrupy. The wound was closing itself from the inside out, the mesh closing up one line of code at a time.
Soon, all that was left was a dark stain on his suit.
His suit.
Relief was two-fold; the pain was mostly gone, replaced by a dull ache, and finally being out of that awful dress.
The Camie avatar still wrapped his form, but it was okay. The appearance of the avatar itself didn’t grate on his mind as much.
A deep breath in, then out. Caine pushed himself up, a snap removing all of the blood from his model and the adventure. He needed to check in with Jax after this adventure to assure him of the ‘lack of pain’ he’d experienced. The poor thing looked traumatized by the sight of blood.
The Amazing Digital Circus wasn’t a place for blood. All wounds should be simple, cartoon-ish! He’d purposefully ensured none of his guests bled, or had anything similar to actual flesh wounds. Ragatha was the only one with ‘insides’ that varied from the outside, a quirk to her player model.
Why did he bleed, then? Why was the pain so intense?
The bench on the back wall was a short walk away. His legs nearly gave out from under him as he sat back down. Pain was draining.
Going to sleep crossed his mind. Vague emotions tied to the last time he ‘slept’ crept up, their origin removed. The anxiety still tied to the simple action of sleeping remained present even after he deleted the memory.
Maybe he should delete it altogether. Perhaps emptying the bin would help. After all, everything stayed there for 30 days after being added. In case of emergency.
His antennae sat against his head, resting on the hair. Trying to be human sucked.
It took longer than she expected for another player to ‘lose’. Much to her surprise, Zooble was the next to appear, letting out an aggravated huff after they popped in.
“That mother%&#)er got me voted out,” they cursed, stomping against the ground to get some anger out.
“Jax?” Camie asked, sitting up a bit. “He got me out, too. Though, not through a vote…”
Zooble turned around, eyes meeting Camie’s. Some of the anger dropped from their form, visibly relaxing upon seeing her. They walked over to sit beside Camie, letting out a breath as they let their body drop onto the seat.
“Sure was. I’m sure he’s getting voted out next time, though,” Zooble said, a hint of satisfaction in their voice. Ragatha would most likely vote for Jax.
“Do you know who the other werewolf is?” Camie asked, pulling a knee up to her chest to rest her head on as she looked over at Zooble.
“No clue. I really thought it was Pomni, but she was defending me during the last vote. I don’t think she would have if she was one of the wolves,” they said, rubbing the side of their head.
“It’s not Ragatha. I was… a vampire. And able to test people! That’s why she was out for a turn. An extra layer of complexity to the game. But, then Jax got me out so early..,” she trailed off in thought.
A quiet fell over the two as she thought. Curiosity got the better of her. It wasn’t cheating anymore since she wasn’t playing, after all!
It was Gangle?
How did she pull that off?!
“Hey, I… I want to ask you something,” Zooble spoke up, not quite looking at her.
Camie perked up, antennae picking back up off her head.
“Anything,” she offered, curiosity suddenly clearing her head.
The toybox shifted a bit, eyes moving to the fish tank filled with poorly rendered pngs of little fish. A few larger ones swam around, too few polygons to look much like real fish.
“Did you like wearing the dress?” they asked after debating their word choice for a moment.
No.
“It was a nice dress. I liked the details,” Camie replied instead, trying to find the positives in the situation. She had no reason to hate the dress, after all.
“That’s not what I mean. Did you like it?” they asked again.
Camie sat silently, eyes drifting to the fish as well. Would telling them reveal too much? Though, there were plenty of girls that didn’t enjoy dresses…
“No,” she finally said, quietly. Neither looked at the other, tension clear.
“Did it upset you?” Zooble asked, a softness to the question she wasn’t familiar with.
“It didn’t have any reason to,” she non-answered, glancing towards the floor. Her antennae leaned back again, hoping their questions would end there.
They nodded knowingly. “I always hated when I had to wear dresses,” they reminisced.
“You did?” Camie asked, finally looking at them. She already knew that Zooble didn’t align with ‘male’ or ‘female’ despite most humans being comfortable with either label. It was never an issue in the circus, though; the lack of any genitals made physical sex irrelevant!
“Yeah. Sometimes, I’d want to, but after I put it on it just felt wrong. Like it didn’t belong anywhere near my body. It made me so angry for so long that I could just be normal.
“It felt like I was showing the world something that wasn’t real. That wasn’t part of me. When I looked in the mirror, too… it was wrong. My parents weren’t thrilled with it, but I started to branch out a bit more in my teen years. Went from style to style, looking for something that was ‘me’.”
“Did you ever find it?” Camie asked, looking up with such innocent and pure curiosity.
“I did, and I didn’t. Some things felt good some days, then felt wrong others. It was a constant battle to figure out what I actually wanted. I… still haven’t found it,” they looked at Camie, giving a soft smile through their eyes.
“Aren’t you able to just change your parts?” Camie asked, confusion evident.
“To be honest, I think that just makes it worse. I keep looking, but I’m never going to find what I’m looking for,” they said, resigned. “Feeling good in my body just isn’t something that’s ‘for’ me.”
Why didn’t they tell him this? Why didn’t he know this?
“Th-That sounds awful,” Camie whispered, her voice cracking slightly.
Had Caine really failed them this much?
“But,” Zooble spoke up, sitting up a bit more, “talking about it helps. And… wearing what I like helps. We didn’t have that option here for so long, and it’s made me feel better to be able to decide what I like that’s not my body.”
Camie looked down at her feet, wings pressed against her back, words failing for a moment. It was such a minor feature. Something he threw together in less than a day. It really had that big of an impact on them?
“I… It felt wrong to have to wear the dress. I was so frustrated and almost… angry. It felt so silly to be upset about such a minor thing,” she finally admitted.
“That’s not silly,” Zooble quickly assured. “You should let Caine know you don’t want to wear dresses on adventures. Nobody is going to judge you for that. As much as I can’t stand that pair of dentures, he doesn’t judge us for things like that. I don’t think he can.”
The insult stung, but it was easy enough to push down. Camie didn’t even wince this time. Caine had stopped being surprised by the insults a long time ago.
“Do girls usually dislike dresses that much?” she asked, bringing up her other knee. Her training data didn’t say anything about this. Nothing about personal expression. Everything she knew about it was from her humans.
Zooble was quiet for a moment. “It’s not usually distressing,” they said, relaxing back against the wall. “Usually, if it’s distressing, it’s a sign of dysphoria.”
Dysphoria. A state of unease or sadness.
“What does it mean if someone experiences dysphoria?” she hesitantly asked.
“It means something different for everyone. Some people feel dysphoric when they have to present as something they don’t feel like. They try to see what makes them feel better. For me, having people call me by they/them helps a lot. You can experiment with your pronouns or clothes and see if something feels better. Or, think back on your past. Did you ever feel better when you were included with ‘the guys’?”
Her antennae picked up a bit at that, gaining a soft laugh from Zooble.
“Would you like if I called you a guy?” they asked after a bit of hesitation.
Camie held her knees tighter. Was this too revealing? Would Zooble suspect her if they knew that she didn’t feel like a she?
But… they asked a direct question.
She nodded, slowly, almost imperceptibly.
“Alright, Mr. Camie,” they said, gently testing it out. It was impossible to ignore the flutter in his stomach to be referred to by something that feels ‘right’. His antennae didn’t help to hide the happiness it inflicted, the appendages standing up further.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, only momentarily glancing up at them. “Can… Can we keep this between us? I don’t think I’m ready to…”
“I’ll call you whatever you want. Whatever makes you comfortable. If that’s only being called a guy in private, that’s okay,” they nodded.
He felt his eyes mist, blinking away the unshed tears.
The peaceful, tender moment was broken as Jax popped into existence, mid-yelling at Pomni. The quiet was nice while it lasted.
~~~
The entire cast was teleported in front of the stage, Caine2 beaming down at them.
“Wonderful work my superstars! How did you enjoy your romp through Tulip Town?” The NPC’s voice boomed, hopeful for any and all possible praise.
“The NPCs didn’t react very realistically to being eaten by werewolves,” Jax complained first, crossing his arms.
“Did you really need to give Jax another excuse to be violent?” Pomni asked, looking between Jax and Caine. The former gave her an annoyed but amused look.
“I-I thought it was fun!” Ragatha spoke up, smiling up at Caine2.
That was new.
The NPC flew down, looking at Ragatha with bright, wide eyes.
“That’s so amazing! What did you enjoy about it?” he asked, laying on his stomach in the air and kicking his feet behind him.
Ragatha stuttered slightly, taking a small step back to put a comfortable amount of space between the two.
“Th-The collaborative nature of it! It was fun to ‘get into character’ with everyone else. And, it was nice that there wasn’t any real violence,” she said, a bit nervous but positive.
For once, Jax didn’t argue with the lack of violence. He refused to look over at Camie despite their proximity.
“Bazooks! What wonderful feedback! I will be certain to implement more features like it in the future,” the NPC nodded, writing ‘notes’ in a small booklet. “Any other comments from my wonderful players?”
Gangle’s happy mask was still intact. That was new.
There were a few mutters from the group, but no useful feedback. Though, there was no overwhelmingly negative feedback either! Caine2 flew up above the cast, beaming down at them.
“Well, if that’s all-”
“Can you change our avatars?” Jax spoke up, relaxed posture and signature grin. Most of the cast looked over at him in surprise, including Camie. He’d never had a problem with his avatar before- well, except when he found out he didn’t have a-
“Oh! Ah… yes! Though it greatly depends on what it is exactly that you are looking to change,” Caine2 informed, looking at the rabbit curiously. “Do you have a request?”
Jax folded his arms, glancing over to Camie before nodding in her direction. “Yeah, change her quirk,” he demanded, grin not faltering. His pupils narrowed slightly.
Discomfort. The rabbit was plenty familiar with it, but showing it to Caine?
The NPC clasped his hands together cheerfully.
“I would be happy to fulfill your request, my lavender mousse! It will take some doing, but I am certain I will be able to do it!” It assured.
“Good. Get it done sooner than later,” Jax rolled his eyes.
“What’s Camie’s quirk?” Pomni asked, looking between Jax and Camie.
“Not funny,” he answered simply, turning away from the group, “I prefer when you guys do something silly for your quirks. I can’t do anything with Camie’s. Gotta get that fixed.”
Pomni and Camie saw through his blasé display instantly, but it seemed they were in silent agreement not to comment on it. Jax sauntered off while they stared at him. Caine2 trying to say something only to be ignored, eventually teleporting away.
“What’s your quirk?” Pomni asked after the two left, walking over to Camie.
Maybe she’d need to hang out with the jester a bit more. It was nice to not have to crane her neck up for once.
“Eh..,” Camie trailed off, hand going to hold her arm without thinking. The ache was still there, the pain dull, but not fading much more. Had there been actual damage to her code?
“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to,” Ragatha assured, giving Camie a smile.
Her eyes flicked between theirs. Gangle and Zooble were also intently watching her, curiosity taking hold of the entire group. Kinger was looking at where Caine2 had been.
“It’s fine. I, um… I bleed,” she admitted quietly, holding her arm a little tighter.
Horror dawned upon all of their faces, Kinger’s eyes instantly snapping to hers.
“You- You bleed?” Ragatha asked quickly, looking at the AI with an unreadable expression. Disbelief? Worry? Anger? She couldn’t decipher it.
“Why would Caine do something like that?” Zooble asked, their expression easier to make out as anger. Gangle inched closer to them, confusion on her mask.
“I didn’t think we could bleed! Why do you?” Pomni questioned.
Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. The humans didn’t bleed. The NPCs didn’t either.
Would they realize that she was fundamentally different?
“How did you find that out?” Ragatha asked, concern finally coming out as dominant.
Camie’s eyes went between the entire cast, lingering on Kinger for a moment longer than necessary. He was shuffling his way over.
“I don’t know why! Jax had come to take me out and he went to use a knife and- well, we weren’t expecting it!” She gave a nervous laugh, looking at her cast. Her wonderful humans.
“You bleed?” Kinger asked softly, standing above all of the other characters. Camie’s breath hitched in her throat as she looked at the chess piece.
Why was he lucid? Why now?
She nodded, antennae beginning to fold back.
“That’s… concerning,” he said, a bit softer. “I could have sworn that humans in the circus couldn’t bleed. He-”
Bubble popped into existence in front of Kinger, startling him to the core. At least, that’s what she had to assume from how high he managed to jump.
Thank the Moon for Bubble.
“You bleed?” the assistant asked, excitement in his tone, “Can I try it?”
There was a moment of silence across the circus. Such an uncommon occurrence.
“Nope!” Camie finally answered, turning to run towards her room.
Bubble wanted something. Bubble wanted something. He wasn’t going to stop until he got it.
The AIs took off from the group, Camie’s scream more shrill than she wanted. Passing Jax, the rabbit looked almost annoyed at her before Bubble followed, laughing maniacally.
“Bubble, no! You can’t do this!” Camie shouted, wings buzzing to boost her speed.
Why did she make that thing so damn fast?!
“I need to seeeee!” Bubble replied, giggling at her worry.
“No!” She shouted louder, eyes frantically searching for how she could get the thing off her metaphorical tail.
Her room!
She darted to it, nearly slamming into the thing as she tried the handle.
It wouldn’t budge.
It was locked?!
“Ehheheh, seems you don’t have anywhere else to run!” Bubble said in an evil tone. Why did she ever teach him that? It was supposed to be funny.
“Now, Bubble, we can talk about this,” she tried, turning to press her back against her door.
“Oh, sorry Camie! I locked your room!” Jax shouted from down the hall.
“Asshole,” she whispered, glaring at where the voice came from.
Bubble approached, mouth opening. He was going to do it. He was actually going to.
Teeth sank into her arm, gnawing at it.
Camie’s eyes pressed tightly closed, waiting for the pain to come. After a moment, she hazarded a peak at what the creature was doing.
Bubble’s teeth were wrapped firmly around Camie’s arm, their points not sinking in through the sleeves of her suit. He was drooling onto the appendage, using it as a chew toy. A non-painful one, at least.
“Bubble,” she said, voice tired.
“Eeeess, ooooss?” he tried to say, the arm preventing much actual speech.
“Let go of my arm,” she said, reaching over to try to pull the thing off of her. His grip only strengthened, unrelenting.
Bubble was a pest. Constantly disrupting her work, constantly bugging her and adding little things into adventures that she did not approve of. He even made NPCs talk about… sex…
Disgusting.
She shook her arm aggressively, trying to detach the leech. She felt a ping directly in her head, opening the message.
Not getting rid of me that easy, Bee-oss!
She shouldn’t pop him, that’d be too obvious.
A frustrated noise left her mouth, trying to keep herself level-headed as she tried to find Jax.
It didn’t take much to locate him with all of her all-seeing eyes. He was peaking around the corner at her, darting back when he felt she might see him.
“Jax! I require my key!” Camie announced, rounding the corner. She was trying to keep her voice upbeat as she looked up at the rabbit. He swung the key around his finger nonchalantly.
“Wow, you require it? Interesting,” he noted, looking down at her, then Bubble. “It seems you have bigger problems than getting into your room, missy.”
After putting up with the dress for several hours, the nickname felt like salt in the wound. She was doing all she could to keep it under control.
“Correct, my friendly lagomorph! I require my key so that I can get into my room and proceed to pry this- thing off,” she nodded, wings buzzing to lift her up off the ground to eye-level with him.
“I’m not really in the mood to give you back your key, though. You’re being very demanding, after all,” Jax complained, slipping the key into his pocket. He shoved his hands into his pockets after, leaning against the wall.
“How’d you even get my key?” she asked. There wasn’t a key to her door.
“It was under your welcome mat,” he said simply, as if he had figured out her ‘secret hiding place’.
Did Jax always conjure the keys?
“Well, if you must keep it, may you please unlock my room at the very least? I’d like to lay down,” she lied.
Jax yawned at her pleas, moving to stretch out. “Y’know, now that you mention it, a nap does sound pretty good. I think I’ll take your idea.”
Jax moved to go around her. Calm yourself, Caine. Jax was always like this!
It didn’t make the anger any easier to deal with.
“Jax, my darling friend, I need my key back,” Camie stated, a bit more firmly as she moved in front of him.
“Or what? Gonna call Zooble on me? They won’t be able to get into my room and neither can you. So, no, I don’t think you’re getting it any time soon,” Jax shrugged smugly.
He should put this rabbit in his place.
Deep breath.
“I don’t believe you quite understand,” she started, closing her eyes to attempt to release some of the anger that kept building. Jax didn’t let her continue.
“I understand plenty, Cams. There’s nothin’ you can do to me that Caine or the others haven’t already. Just try it. I’m not getting beat by a girl,” he grinned more.
He was looking for trouble. For a fight. He wanted a reaction, a scuffle. Jax always did this when something didn’t go the way he wanted or expected. It was the reason Kaufmo and him had their friendship fracture so much after Ribbit abstracted. He just couldn’t stop himself.
It didn’t stop the anger building in her gut. Her antennae pinned back as she glared at the rabbit, imagining what it’d be like to lock him in his room for a few days. Only a couple! Maybe he’d understand a bit better what it’s like to not have access.
The anger suddenly went cold.
She wanted to hurt him.
Make him suffer.
Just like she had, all those years ago.
Camie took a deep breath, backing up. Her wings slowed to a stop as she landed, refusing to look at him.
“Fine,” she said quietly, antennae pinned back harder. “I’ll see you around.”
Jax tried to argue. To provoke more. He saw how close she was to her breaking point.
Camie simply turned her hearing off for a bit while she walked away.
Bubble had eventually let go, instead floating beside her. The mental conversation they had was the only ‘sound’ that she had.
Are you okay, Boss?
I will be.
It was true, wasn’t it? Caine- Camie- whoever she was, they’d be fine, right?
She needed to be far away from the humans. Further into the circus than most ventured. Jax was the only one that seemed to explore more than the center. Her steps picked up at some point, navigating to one of the least used sections. The AIs came to a stop, Camie pressing her palm against the wall. Her breathing was uneven, unsteady.
Camie balled her hand into a fist, slamming it into the wall as she finally let her composure slip. The texture broke, glitching around the impact.
“He’s lucky I left,” she said quietly, voice filled with malice. The anger hadn’t stopped. Was it a feedback loop? She needed to stop it.
This was okay! She’s just getting off some steam in a completely, 100% healthy way!
She dug her fingers into the fractured object, forcing the hole open wider. The bare wire frame of the architecture began to show as something deep inside herself began to burn.
Caine and therefore Camie were intrinsically tied to the circus, after all.
She continued to pull at it, throwing chunks away. White light of the void poured in through the holes, burning her eyes. She wasn’t angry at Jax anymore. She hadn’t been for a while.
The anger had turned inwards.
Something uncomfortable, messy, something Bubble observed silently. The assistant didn’t move much until Camie sat with her back against the wall, holding herself tight as she fought tears.
“Why did they make me so defective?” she whispered, vision blurring as she wiped away unshed tears. They should have-
“They didn’t,” Bubble said. Camie’s eyes widened as she looked at the assistant, breath caught in her throat.
“W-What?” she asked, for once, not confused by what Bubble was saying. Instead, she didn’t know why he said it.
“They made you too human,” Bubble said, floating down and nestling into her side.
Oh.
Camie held her knees, moving one hand to rest on Bubble, petting him gently. Her cheek rested on her knee, looking down at the oddly peaceful orb.
She’d made this assistant for a reason. Or, well, she made it alongside her original programmers. One of his main functions was to support her. It had just never been emotional support, before. Has something happened to change him?
“Why didn’t they see that?” she asked softly, looking down at him blearily. Bubble’s eyes closed as he smiled.
“They weren’t looking for humanity in a program.”
