Chapter Text
It was Kuroo's birthday, and he was spending it moving houses. Because apparently life had decided that cardboard boxes and back pain were better gifts than cake and a day off. His old building was going to be demolished at the end of the year, so it was quite nice of Iwaizumi’s elderly neighbour to have passed away at such a convenient time. Kuroo wasn’t saying he was glad she died, but he wanted to appreciate the small amount of serendipity thrown his way. If he had to deal with a ghost or two to get affordable housing in this economy, so be it.
“Morning! Happy Birthday… Again I suppose.” Iwaizumi rolled down the window of their company van.
“Morning! Thanks, again-” Kuroo waved back at him, still working on making sure his jenga tower of boxes was still standing. He had gotten up at the crack of dawn to bring everything down so that they would block the road for the least amount of time possible.
“Did you bring everything down already?” Iwaizumi asked.
“Yeah, all we have to do is load things up and leave.” Kuroo explained.
Iwaizumi got out of the car and began moving around all the boxes of volleyball equipment that were currently cluttering the interior of the van.
“They were running a camp down in Osaka this week so they didn’t have time to offload. There’s more than enough space though,” Iwaizumi explained, then went to pick up one of Kuroo’s boxes.
“I know. I don’t have much stuff so it’ll be fine. I’m just glad I don’t have to pay for a rental honestly.” Kuroo lifted up two more boxes and set them down.
“Yeah for sure. Lucky they let us use it. Sorry it had to be on your birthday though,” Iwaizumi sighed.
“Eh, I already celebrated mine. Kenma is coming for dinner though and of course you’re welcome to join,” Kuroo said, taking a deep breath.
“Oikawa is here till January so you would have to extend that invitation. Though don’t feel obligated to invite me just because I’m helping you move. I know you and Kenma have your own thing planned and I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Iwaizumi said as he stabilized the boxes to avoid any breakage during turns.
“No, no you’re welcome. Kenma already knows about it. And yes we both assumed your husband would be coming so no worries,” Kuroo laughed and set down a few more boxes.
“I know he can be a little eccentric, so I understand he’s not for everyone,” Iwaizumi replied as he fidgeted with one of the cartons.
“Well, apparently he’s the one for you.” Kuroo smirked and lightly nudged him.
Iwaizumi looked down, hiding his flushed face and gave him a light smack on the shoulder in return.
“That he sadly is. The store said no returns so, you know, now I’m stuck with him.”
Kuroo laughed and placed the final box in the van.
“Do we have to wait for your landlord?” Iwaizumi asked.
“No, we can leave. I signed everything off this morning. So now I’m in a liminal space between homeless and homeful? With house? What the fuck is the word?”
Iwaizumi giggled and climbed back into the driver’s seat. “You mean… hold up I don’t even know what the word is.”
Kuroo got into the passenger seat and quickly typed something into his phone’s browser.
“Yeah looking it up. Uhm. Settled? Ohhh this reddit post was asking the same question. Housed is a term social workers use. Anyways. The liminal space between homeless and housed.”
“Holy fuck we’re both stupid, housed is a word.” Iwaizumi got ready to start up the car.
“Yeah well it’s ok, we’re in sports, we’re allowed to be stupid.”
“I think that excuse only works for Bokuto,” Iwaizumi quipped back and they both laughed.
The drive was spent discussing random things related to their work while some song blasted on the radio until Iwaizumi pulled up to his ex-neighbour’s house.
“Now we have to wait for the owner of the house. You talked to them? I know you dealt with all of that so I basically only know the rent amount.”
“Oh, he’s here. I inherited it so… Lucky for you, rent has been changed to free. I just didn’t want to tell you before you moved houses because you would have refused. It’s why I dealt with everything,” Iwaizumi confessed.
“No, no, no that isn’t fair Iwaizumi, I can’t just be living in your house rent free.”
“Look at it like this. I only inherited because all her relatives moved to the States. This house would have been abandoned and Oikawa and I already own our house. So think of it like ethical squatting,” Iwaizumi tried to explain.
“But, then at least let me pay for your lunches,” Kuroo pleaded.
“No, genuinely Kuroo, it’s fine. I chose to do this. Plus, it’s not like I’m short on money. Think of it as an apology for all the evil Oikawa has and will cause you. It’s like reparations.”
Kuroo laughed, but he couldn’t help but feel bad. He was more than willing to pay rent and he hated mooching off of someone as kind as Iwaizumi.
“How the hell are you married to Oikawa?”
“Equilibrium. I have to be as kind as he is evil,” Iwaizumi explained and they both laughed.
Iwaizumi spent the rest of the morning helping Kuroo with the boxes and that’s when it happened. His phone betrayed him. A Reddit notification lit up the screen and Iwaizumi glanced towards it on reflex. Kuroo jumped for his phone and definitely looked more guilty than if he had just brushed it off.
“Didn’t know you used Reddit,” Iwazumi remarked neutrally.
“I don’t- I mean, I do. It’s because I mod Kenma’s socials, you know. Well not really anymore. But when he first started, you know, I look through things sometimes. But now he has like actual people he hires to deal with it. I’m just an honorary mod. So it’s normal I would get a notification, you know,” Kuroo fumbled through his cover-up.
Iwaizumi looked at him confused. “You don’t have to be so defensive. It’s not like you committed a crime or something.”
Does secretly watching someone have sex in your dream count as a crime?
“Being defensive about what?” Oikwawa asked.
Kuroo’s worst nightmare had just walked in through the door, dressed in anything but an outfit. An exquisite silk sleeping robe paired with what Kuroo could only assume were the oldest shorts Oikawa owned and a raggedy T-shirt that didn’t seem like it could go with anything. It was the kind of visual whiplash that made him blink a few times, though those with weaker constitutions would have felt the need to avert their eyes.
“Good Morning to you too!” Kuroo said, hoping that Oikawa would forget what he was on about.
“Morning neighbor! Isn’t it such a wonderful birthday gift to be graced with being my neighbor,” Oikawa cooed.
“You don’t even live here.” Kuroo raised an eyebrow, pretending to be casual..
“I live here in concept.”
“How does one live somewhere in concept?” Kuroo felt like he was masterfully defusing a bomb that could go off at any moment.
“Think of it how God is with you at all times. He doesn’t reside here, but you feel his presence,” Oikawa explained.
Oikawa likening himself to God was a common occurrence, so Kuroo wasn’t even fazed. But before Kuroo could continue the line of questions, the bomb detonated in his face.
“So anyways, what were we being defensive about?” Oikawa sprawled on the couch, not even offering to help.
To his credit, Iwaizumi tried to save him. “Nah, we were just talking about stupid work things.”
“Oh, ok. Anyways, I came here for gossip. So Kuroo, have you been talking to Minhoon?”
Kuroo flinched at the mention of the name. He definitely hadn’t texted or interacted with Minhoon. Hell, he had been too scared to even open Instagram. It felt like if he opened the app everyone would telepathically know what he had dreamed about.
Kuroo sighed. “No, I told you I’m not looking for someone right now.”
“Why not? He’s pretty. He’s smart. Plus he thinks you’re hot,” Oikawa pressed.
“Oikawa, he’s not interested, just leave him be.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at him.
“Do you think Kenma would be interested in him then? They would make such a pretty couple.”
According to Kuroo’s subconscious, Kenma would be more than interested. And, admittedly, they did look beautiful together. At least, they did in the twisted little nightmare Kuroo's brain had so thoughtfully constructed.
“Uhh. I don’t know. He doesn’t really talk to me about stuff like that.” Kuroo shrugged.
That was the first time he had vocalised that thought. It hurt more than he thought it would. Though trying to set Kenma up without his consent at the cost of his dignity felt like it would lead to worse things.
“Oh. I’ll ask him then. He’s coming today right?” Oikawa asked.
“Yeah he is. Try to not ambush him. I know that’s hard for you, but I would really appreciate it if he didn’t get up to leave in the middle of dinner.”
"Nah. I wouldn't do that to the pretty boy. His self-esteem's low enough already. Knocking it down any further would just be cruel," Oikawa paused, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "It's a shame, really. He looks so confident on stream and in everything else he does. I just wish he saw himself that way."
Kuroo sighed. "Oikawa, it's sweet, and I know for once in your life you mean well, but Kenma doesn't like people talking about him-- even if it's coming from a good place. He'd hate knowing we were sitting here psychoanalyzing his self-esteem. He hates being mentioned outside of conversations he’s in."
"Streamer seems like an unfortunate career choice for someone who hates being perceived," Iwaizumi remarked, flattening the cardboard boxes Kuroo had already torn open.
"It's different," Kuroo replied as he arranged his books on his new shelf. "When he's streaming, he's not Kenma-- he's Kodzuken. In his head, they're practically two different people. His viewers know Kodzuken, not him. They don't get to see the parts of Kenma he actually worries about, so whatever they think or say... it doesn't really feel like it's directed at him."
“I suppose. Anyways, let's move on. All that matters is that Kenma doesn’t like it and we’ve gone on for way too long.” Oikawa said and went back to looking at his phone,
Kuroo was in awe.
Oikawa had actually listened. He'd been told to drop the subject, and he'd done it without argument. It felt like some kind of Christmas miracle. Never mind that Christmas was still more than a month away, and despite the red satin robe draped around his shoulders, Oikawa looked nothing like Santa.
Iwaizumi giggled at Kuroo's stunned expression before giving him a knowing ‘See? He's not that bad’ look. Kuroo didn’t believe him though. There had to be some sort of master-mind prank in the works, but nothing ever came. Even when Oikawa got up to shower, change and cook, he did nothing that seemed like some sort of scheme. Kuroo was almost certain there had to be some weird substance in the empanadas Oikawa had made but, strangely, no trickery was to be found. Kuroo didn’t know Oikawa was able to stay schemeless for that long.
“We're dropping off the van and picking up dinner and Kenma on the way back. Do you want anything else?” Iwaizumi asked.
“If I think of something I’ll call you,” Oikawa replied.
“You have till we’re at the store. So you have a good 45 minutes to think of anything you might want. Also, are you staying here or do you want to go home?”
“Uhh yeah, I’ll head home. I need to fold the laundry,” Oikawa said but made no move to get off the couch.
“Well we’re leaving now so you have to actually get off of TikTok.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.
“My limbs feel so heavy and walking to the other house is such a monumental task.” Oikwawa pouted.
“I can leave you here?” Iwaizumi offered, clearly not wanting to bend to Oikawa’s will too quickly.
Kuroo couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu. This time, however, he was awake and able to run away.
“Oh you would dare leave me on some man’s couch? How scandalous…” Oikawa gasped dramatically.
“That man is my coworker,” Iwaizumi replied, confused.
“So you would let me have an office affair?”
“He’s coming with me? What affair? He’s not in your office.”
Oikawa waved away this trivial application of common sense. “Potato potato. Your office is my office if you really think about it. So it’s my office affair.”
“There is no affair. Kuroo is co- I mean leaving with me,” Iwaizumi replied, expertly avoiding a dangerous choice of words.
“So you’re okay with me cheating on you?” Oikawa smirked.
“If I was okay with it, it wouldn’t be considered cheating. By definition."
“So you’re okay with being a cuck?”
“Oikawa, we’re late. Are you getting up or not?” Iwaizumi asked impatiently.
“That’s a yes on the cuck thing?”
“No! What do you want?” Iwaizumi demanded.
“Nothing. I’m just hurt because you’re leaving me in some strange man’s house. All helpless and tired.” Oikawa stretched once more, clearly hoping Iwaizumi would take the bait.
Iwaizumi raised his hands. “You just said he was your coworker.”
“He can be both my coworker and a strange man at the same time.”
“Oikawa…” Iwaizumi sighed.
“Iwaaa….”
“Kuroo…” Kuroo chimed in, hoping to end the cycle, but was met with two very confused stares.
He shrugged. “I don't know. I wanted to feel included.”
“Anyways from the top.” Oikawa coughed and went back to whining. “I’m so tired and helpless and this evil couch is consuming me.”
“Well, sucks to suck. Bye Oikawa.” Iwaizumi waved goodbye with a bright smile.
Sensing danger, Kuroo intervened. “Dawg, just carry him back to your house. He might burn this place down if you actually leave him here.”
“See, Kuroo knows what a man wants. This is why I’m having an office affair with him.”
Kuroo was starting to realise there was always a catch to free rent. He was now Oikawa’s puppet to use as he pleased. Though not in a sexy, BDSM way. In a more concerning, more personal way; not that BDSM and sex couldn’t be personal. Point was, Kuroo was now a pawn for Oikawa to drag into his invented interpersonal conflicts for no reason.
“No, you’re not. You know what? We’re late. I don’t care enough to salvage what’s left of my pride.” Iwaizumi sighed and scooped Oikawa up off the couch, continuing sarcastically, “Oh no don’t you dare have an affair. I will be so jealous. Please let me help take you from Kuroo’s couch to our beautiful house. Let me rescue you, my beautiful princess, from the jaws of temptation. In this case, fucking the 80-year-old ghost in this house.”
“Nooooo be serioussss come on,” Oikawa whined once again.
Iwaizumi took another deep breath and gave Kuroo a ‘Fuck, you’re right’ look.
“Art thou my beautiful princess? I have come to rescue thee from the clutches of this couch. Whomst is the evil fated to tempt you? I will save thee from your adulterous compulsions and the strange man who conquered your realm…”
Kuroo heard Iwaizumi continue to expound as he carried Oikawa to their house. Oikawa giggled like a madman throughout the whole thing, and despite all the bickering they clearly were made for each other. Kuroo felt a pang in his chest ;they say jealousy is a vile demon, but not more vile than the guilt Kuroo feels knowing this is the way a part of him sees his friends.
Iwaizumi slipped back into the house, a sheepish expression on his face. “Sorry about that… It was super embarrassing.”
“No, don’t worry about it. You guys are really cute actually. I don’t know how you do it with the distance.”
“It was rough at first, but honestly, I don’t regret it. I don’t see my future without him in it. I don’t know where and what the future looks like but I know it’s with him. He comes back quite often and I go visit when I can. Plus he’ll be back in summer for the Olympics,” Iwaizumi said as they walked up to the van and settled in.
“I’m sure it will work itself out.” Kuroo smiled at him and Iwaizumi smiled back and proceeded to start the car.
“By the way… I uhm… It’s probably not my business, and you can tell me if I’m out of line, but is something wrong? I can tell you haven’t been sleeping well as of late.” Iwaizumi frowned. “The way you jumped when a notification from Reddit popped up on your phone was a little telling.”
“I uh…” Kuroo didn’t know what to say.
“You don’t have to tell me, I’m just worried about you. If you need someone to talk to, just know that I’m here and I promise I won’t tell Oikawa.”
“It’s not that… It’s just a little embarrassing,” Kuroo managed to get out.
“You watched me princess-carry a grown man 50 meters down the sidewalk as I said the stupidest shit I could think of. I think we’re past embarrassing,” Iwaizumi countered. “Though, if it’s easier. I can make a guess and you can tell me how far off it is instead of having to front load all the information? Unless you don’t want to talk about it. Then we can just move on.”
“No, I think I need to tell someone about it. I just… I don’t know how to go about it. But I do want to hear your guess.”
“You wrote that post Oikawa read out loud like two months ago and it’s about Kenma. You haven’t been sleeping well due to the dreams.”
Kuroo gasped. Could Iwaizumi be Hercy? What are the chances he already knew? How did he put it together? But that didn’t make sense. Hercy didn’t have a partner. Maybe Iwaizumi guessed it was him and made some shit up. Which would be weird but, everyone roleplays on the internet. Plus, Hercy had texted him well before that.
“I’m assuming by the way you reacted that I’m correct. ”
“How? Are you Hercy? Have you been lying to me?”
“Ok for starters… Who is Hercy? And I suppose yes, but only by omission. If you even want to consider me not wanting to butt in that…” Iwaizumi sounded confused for the first time.
“It doesn’t matter. Does anyone else know?” Kuroo asked, fidgeting with his hands.
“No. I wasn’t sure and as I said I didn’t want to butt in. Oikawa had me look into the story after the party. He wanted to find the guy and his crush and play cupid, it was a whole thing. So I didn’t think it was you until today. You’re always so good about communicating. I assumed if you had a thing for Kenma you would have worked it out by now. I just know the account only looked at Kodzuken related subreddits. Then the Reddit notification popped up and you jumped for your life. Between that and the Hinata rumors as of recently I pieced it together. I am sorry about the comments.”
Kuroo had nothing to say. He felt exposed, almost like Iwaizumi had seen right through him. He was embarrassed. Someone he saw every day knew about his deepest delusional desires.
Iwaizumi pulled into their company garage and continued, “I’m not the best at navigating this kind of situation, but I know what you would tell me to do. Kenma cares about you. He wouldn’t just throw away the person he’s closest to.”
Kuroo sighed. “That’s not what I’m worried about… I’m more worried about the fact that Kenma would be the type to want to make his friends happy. I don’t want him to feel like he’s obliged to reciprocate my feelings.”
“He is a grown man Kuroo. He can make his own decisions and navigate his own feelings. Plus you don’t have to tell him you’re expecting to date. You can frame it as you getting something off your chest.” Iwaizumi countered as they made their way to Iwaizumi’s car.
“I suppose, but I don’t know. I just wish this never happened. I wish I had realised sooner. It’s too late to confess now.”
“He’s not dead and neither are you. For all intents and purposes it is not too late. If Kenma was in your situation what would you want him to do?” Iwaizumi asked as they settled into his car.
“It’s different. Kenma-”
Iwaizumi immediately interrupted, “It really isn’t. Even if you didn’t have the feelings you have, you would want him to tell you. By not telling him you’re just making it worse. Things like this pile up and it will eat your relationship alive.”
Kuroo took a deep breath and fastened his seatbelt.
“You’re right, I’ll think about it. I just don’t have the energy for this today.”
“Yeah. Let me know if you want to talk about it again just… please never post on the Internet again.” Iwaizumi drove out of the garage and navigated to Kenma’s house.
“I learned my lesson the hard way. Though a really kind person did reach out and we’re sort of friends now.”
“Hercy?”
“Yup. He’s a sweetheart.” Kuroo smiled. It felt weird saying his name out loud. It made him feel less like a figment of Kuroo’s imagination.
As they pulled into Kenma’s driveway, Iwaizumi gave him a look of encouragement and Kuroo got out of the car, mentally preparing himself to see Kenma for the first time since that horrendous dream. He was terrified by the idea of Kenma somehow knowing. Kuroo remembered the disgusted look in Kenma’s eyes and feared illogically that he’d be met with that same reviling gaze. But before he could even ring the bell the door before him swung open.
“Happy Birthday!” Kenma attempted a small smile.
“Thanks! How was your day?” Kuroo asked.
“Considering the fact I woke up two hours ago-- It was a whole lot of nothing,” Kenma replied.
“How late did you go to sleep?” Kuroo asked as they made their way to the car.
Kenma shrugged. “Technically really early. The sun was up and everything.”
“Kenma-” Kuroo pouted.
“Don’t Kenma me. I was streaming so it was technically really productive. How was moving?”
“Exhausting, but it’s finally done.”
“I’m glad.” Kenma got into the car and Iwaizumi waved. “Hi, thank you for coming to get me.”
“Hello to you too. I had to drop off the van anyway so it wasn’t much of a detour.” Iwaizumi said politely. “We have to go get dinner and then we’ll be on our way.”
The rest of the drive was relatively quiet. Kenma was playing some game on his phone and Kuroo was too afraid to speak. Iwaizumi drove in silence and occasionally asked Kuroo to look at his phone to see if Oikawa had remembered something he wanted. They picked up a bunch of vegetables and meat to make some version of hot pot. Kenma quietly followed along, head still lowered looking down at his phone.
After they were done, they headed home. Iwaizumi parked his car and went to call over Oikawa. The other two headed to Kuroo’s new place. Kenma said nothing and made his way to the couch where he curled up with one of his numerous devices. Kuroo took out his hot pot device and busied himself cleaning and chopping all the vegetables. When the door rang ten minutes later, Kenma made an annoyed noise but Kuroo heard him get up to open the door.
“Thank god I was greeted by a pretty boy instead of Kuroo’s ugly mug. I’ve been hanging around uglies all day Kenma. It’s been rough.” Oikawa’s voice echoed through the house.