Chapter Text
He was there. Really there. Well, as really there as someone can be when existing as lines of code in a digital fucking soul prison. V could see him standing nonchalantly, hand on his hip, staring out into the vast nothingness of pixels and light. Entering cyberspace had relieved her body of the pain of attacking the tower, so she ran. Honestly, she ran before she even realized she was. How the fuck could she not? Johnny, her Johnny, was right there in front of her.
V practically barrelled into him, wrapping her arms tightly around his chest as she did. “You’re here,” she laughed breathlessly, relishing in the feeling of his arms wrapping around her, “Who was right, huh, ya cranky bastard?”
“Yeah, yeah. You were right.” She could feel his voice rumbling in his chest, the way his arms squeezed tighter, the feeling of his nose pressing against her hair, pulling her close like he was trying to mix their codes back together, “You did so good, Val. Fuck. Did fuckin’ awesome,” Johnny pulled back, his hands settled on her shoulders so he could look her in the eye, “Hear me? What other fuckin’ insane bitch woulda been able to take down fuckin’ Smasher? By herself? Fuck. Fuckin’ proud of you, Val. You did it.”
“Couldn’t’ve without you,” she laughed breathlessly, “Damn good cheerleader. Maybe next time we’ll get you a miniskirt and some glittery pompoms.”
“Ha Ha, fuck off.” Johnny pulled back. If she were a gambling woman, she’d say almost… reluctantly? He turned, fizzling out as he did, appearing again sitting in what seemed to be a digital recreation of Tom’s Diner.
Sliding in across from him, V dragged her finger across the table in pointless doodles. It was strange. How real it felt. They were data, this was data, it shouldn’t feel as real as it does, yet… the table beneath her hand was solid, as was the booth she sat at. As was Johnny, whose leg was just barely pressed against hers under the table. “It feels like the last time we were here was a century ago…”
“Might as well have been, given how much shit we’ve been through since.”
Uncharacteristically, they both sat in silence. Taking in the somber truth of what this meant. They did it. It was over. It was what they both wanted, what they both fought for, but it still hurt. Fuck, did it hurt. She hadn’t felt this close to someone since Jackie….maybe not even since Finn. They knew this was always the outcome; she was prepping herself for it the whole time. It still hurt. Her dreary thoughts were interrupted by his knee bumping against hers, dragging her attention up to him. Even behind his sunglasses, she could read the fondness in his gaze, hidden behind the snark of his smirk.
“So, how’s being a construct?” he drawled, leaning back in the booth to throw his leg up onto the table as he always did. Yet his other leg stayed planted next to hers, keeping their knees pressed together.
“Ha. Well, I can’t deny it happened a bit faster than I anticipated. But, dunno. Don’t feel too much different. I know it’s different, but it doesn’t feel that way, yknow. At least, not here, not now.” She stopped her absentminded doodling on the tabletop, turning her gaze towards him, “So…if we’re constructs now, and we’re split…. what…. what are we waiting around for? Not that- god that sounded awful- not that I’m in a rush to get rid of you- you get that now, right? Yeah- Do I sound stupid?”
Johnny huffed out a small laugh, bumping his knee against hers again as she began to ramble, “Fuck if I know. Kinda just waitin’ around til Alt gives us the all clear, I think.”
As if summoned, the AI herself appeared in the pixels beside them, still towering over them. At this point, V couldn’t decide if it was a choice on how they perceived her or how she perceived herself. Either way, it was still intimidating in its own way, yet comforting as well. Like she was in good hands, or something like that.
“I was validating the checksums and checking for any engram copy errors. While there is some irreversible damage from Johnny’s engram attempt to override your own, your engram integrity remains high. You will be able to return to your body shortly.”
V dropped her gaze from Alt to Johnny, knocking her knee back against his the way he had before. The smile he answered with was bittersweet. Some part of her craved to crawl across the table, to take his hands in hers, and stay here in cyberspace for eternity together. At the very least, some part of her wished to have one more minute alone, to tell him the truth she had kept hidden away. The things she hadn’t said to make this easier. Instead, she just smiled back weakly, relishing in the final moment of their knees pressed together.
Until Alt spoke again.
“There is one aspect I failed to take into consideration.”
Johnny’s brow furrowed in concern, and even she could see the slight panic forming behind his glasses, “Alt?”
The AI turned its gaze towards her, gaze as cold as ever, and V could feel her nonexistent stomach hit her feet.
“I failed to take the body into account. DNA reconfiguration has gone too far; the body considers itself to be Johnny’s. After you return to your body, you will die. It is inevitable. It is imminent.”
A kick to the gut would’ve knocked the breath outta her more gently than those words. Even here, even with a body made of code and numbers, a body that was nothing more than a visualization to rationalize what it was to be a construct, she could feel the panic settling in her chest. “N-no… nonono no no nonono.”
“You will live six more months, perhaps longer if you are lucky. But your body now considers you an intruder and will fight against you. You will not win.”
Alt’s words might as well have been gibberish. None of them managed to get past the muffled ringing that was screaming in her ears. She shouldn’t be feeling this; her body isn’t real. This isn’t real, at least not in the way she’s used to. Why the fuck is this so bad? She needed to be anywhere but here. V stumbled her way out of the booth, ignoring Johnny when she heard his voice speaking. To her? To Alt? She didn’t know. It didn’t matter. She needed to not be here. Not here. Anywhere else. Why can she feel her body? Feel the panic? Stupid brain. Stupid rationalization. She wasn’t even sure where she was when she dropped to the ground, hands trembling, chest heaving as she pulled her knees to her chest. It didn’t make sense to her. She was in a fuckin’ computer. A fuckin’ Arasaka computer with the AI that was supposed to save her. After fuckin’ everything she had done in the name of survival, the pain she had caused to the people around her had been for nothing? V wanted to cry, to wail, to scream, to thrash, to kill, to do something, anything to everything around her. To punish the world for its betrayal. Fuck, she was drowning.
Until there was a life raft.
Johnny’s hands were gentle on her shoulders as he knelt in front of her. Any other time, any other person, she’d have lashed out like some scared animal. Instead, her hands snaked up to grip his wrists tight like a lifeline.
“This doesn’t change anything, Val. Not a damn thing. You’re gonna go back to your body. You’ve got time now, you’ll find something.”
“N-No. Fuck, Johnny, this changes fuckin’ everything!” If their bodies were real, she’d likely be drawing blood with how tightly she’s gripping his wrists, she swore she could feel the skin of his real arm cracking beneath her nails, “The fuck am I gonna do for six months? Deteriorate like some fuckin’ patient on a shitty hospital procedural. For what? Johnny, you should-”
“That’s not what we agreed on.”
“Yeah, well, that was before I was fuckin’ dyin' no matter what the fuck I did. Jesus, Johnny. I just. Fuck, don’t you get it? This was hard enough when I was going to have the rest of my fuckin’ life in front of me. Six months. Fuck, it’s not worth it!”
The back of her neck prickled in the way it always would when she felt his rage, even though their minds were no longer tied together the way they had been before. She knew what it felt like, and she could see it in his eyes.
“The fuck do you mean it’s not worth it, you fuckin’ idiot. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t fuckin’ be here! What about all the fuckin’ people who got your ass here? Ya think they think you aren’t worth it? What about Vik fighting to keep your ass alive every time you fuckin’ crash and burn?”
“Johnn-”
“What about fuckin’ Mama Welles? Gonna leave her all on her lonesome, too? She not worth seeing again?”
“Would you just-”
“What about the fuckin’ people you finally made fucking friends with? Judy, the fuckin’ Aldecaldos and Panam, yeah, the fuckin’ cop too. Fuckin’ Kerry?”
“You’re not listen-”
“I’m not fuckin’ listening? Do you hear yourself?! You’re the one saying this isn’t worth it, and I’m supposed to just be okay with that?!”
“If you would just let me fuckin’ finish!”
She could feel Johnny’s fingers flex in frustration against her shoulders as he stared into her. He wanted to yell some more, she could tell. Wanted to smack some sense into her. If she were a betting woman, she was damn sure he wanted to pick her ass up and throw her back into her body himself. Still, he waited, impatiently waving at her to continue before his anger got the best of him. She’d be proud of him for his patience if the situation weren’t so fucked.
Fuck, she couldn’t help it. Her hands slipped from his wrists to crawl up to cradle his face. If she couldn’t see it, she would’ve felt the way the anger in his face faltered into something more torn, something more pained. She could feel the tension leave his jaw and his face just collapse under her touch. “I’m not….I’m not talkin’ about fuckin’ living. Fuck, if I could…,” her mouth felt dry, tongue heavy like lead as she struggled to find words, “If it was going back with you… Johnny, I’d fight through that entire damn tower again if it meant I’d have 10 more fuckin’ minutes of us together than we would’ve before.” It felt so real like this. Tears dripping down her cheeks, his face cradled in her hands, the warmth of his body as he kneeled in front of her to be on the same level. Far more real than any time they had touched while he was a construct, and that had felt fuckin’ real. How very like them that what was real was the most fucked up situation possible. “Johnny…. losin’ you I… Fuck, Johnny, if you’re askin’ me to let go of you six months isn’t fuckin’ worth it. That’s why you should-.”
“Nah. Fuck that. I listened; your fuckin’ turn.” A chrome thumb brushed across her cheek, brushing the tears that were there with a touch that was more gentle than she ever considered possible to come from Silverhand, “You’re stuck thinkin’ about yourself. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Live out however fuckin’ long your body had? 60, 70, 100 fuckin’ more years without you? Seeing your face, your voice, and not havin’ you with me? Fuck…Valerie.” He said her name as if it were a prayer, soft, heavy with the weight of the unspoken emotion that had been weighing between them, “You aren’t going back to be alone. Yeah, there might be another fuckin’ timer on it, but now you’ve got an estimate. You’ve got a chance to find a solution, but you gotta go back for that.”
V raised her gaze to look at him again. When their eyes met, it was like everything clicked between them. She understood, and he understood what had been rumbling between the two of them just underneath the surface. “We’re so fucked, aren’t we?” she whispered, leaning her cheek into his chrome hand.
“Yeah….yeah we are.” He mumbled softly, leaning forward to press his forehead against hers. “But please…Val, you gotta go back. There’s an answer out there somewhere, and if anyone can find it its your stubborn ass. Get outta Night City, join the Aldecaldos, I dunno, learn how to play somethin’. Join Ker and that girlypop band on tour, they’d love to have you, and you’d fit right in with all that pink.” He fidgeted with a lock of her aforementioned pink hair in his fingers, the same hair he’d bitched at her about for her bad taste a lifetime ago. “Just live, dammit. It’s-.”
“Come with me.” She interrupted, voice so quiet she was almost convinced he’d keep talking, but the way his brow furrowed told her he had heard her. And that he thought she was insane. “If there’s an answer for me, there’s an answer for you, right? A body for you. The Relic is dormant now, yeah? So I just, we can- I can find something- an answer- a way. Anything. Just- stay.”
“Val-”
“No- Johnny, would you just- Arasaka has been doing shit like this for years- don’t fuckin’ look at me like that, I’m not fuckin’ dealin’ with them ever again. What I’m sayin’ is they probably aren’t the only ones? There’s gotta be somethin'! Just give me- I ‘unno- 3 months. 3 more months to try to find something. And if I can’t find anything, I’ll-,” her voice cracked, a pathetic sob forcing its way out mid-sentence, “I just… plug you back in, yeah? Back into the net, send you off to Alt, and you fuck off behind the blackwall and me? I- I live out my life, fightin’, tryin’ to find some sort of answer, yeah?”
Johnny was searching her, staring into her soul, looking for something, anything, he could do to convince her otherwise. At least, that’s what it looked like to her. His brow furrowed, his eyes dropped down to their entwined arms, unsure, but when he finally opened his mouth to speak, she interrupted him once more.
“I swear to you…. on Finn’s life,” his eyes whipped up to meet hers again, and she stared back, determined, “I swear to you, on Finn’s life, that after those months are gone, I will live my life. Even if there isn’t an answer. If I have to send you back into the net…for you to go behind the Blackwall. If you let me try, one more time… I swear. Please, Johnny… please.. I-…..I can’t fail you too….”
Silence fell between them. Johnny seemed to be lost in thought, his thumb rubbed against her cheek, relishing in what little near-physical connection they were able to have before it was lost. When the silence began to go on so long that she got anxious, he suddenly spoke. But not to her.
“Alt.” The AI entity appeared in front of them, clearly having listened to everything that had been said, “Would that even be possible?”
“As long as she does not perish before putting the Relic into a safe location. Yes. You could safely be returned to the Relic. However, you would not be able to interact as you had before.”
“And what about gettin’ back into the net?”
“V is aware of the address to contact me. In theory, she would be able to upload you from any port to the net, and I would be able to collect you. Since I was unable to fully complete my side of the arrangement, you may consider agreeing to this one as… a compromise.”
Johnny turned from the AI to meet her gaze again. God above, she just wanted him to say something to her. To agree, to deny, to argue again. She wasn’t used to a Johnny who paused, took his time to answer. He usually rushed to put his opinion in, sometimes before he even had an opinion to shove into her mind. But here, where she just wanted him to speak, he was taking every minute he needed to consider. She’d be proud of him if it weren’t for the way her heart was trying to break her ribs with every moment he was silent.
“Okay,” those two syllables made it feel as if her heart stopped, “three months…. then you better- I’m trusting you to keep that promise, yeah?” His voice seemed to waver slightly, and she gently caressed his cheek in response.
“I won’t leave you in there. No matter what.”
Alt’s voice interrupted them, “The well will bring you back to your body. As well as return Johnny to the Relic. You will be able to remove the Relic, but the same limitations that existed before are still there. Any time it is not slotted into your system or kept on ice could cause severe damage. If your heart should stop before you are able to remove it, it is likely the Relic will repeat its previous attempt to overwrite you. Please keep this in mind.”
Johnny looked at her, brushing a stray hair out of her eyes before he spoke, “We doin’ this?” he whispered as he guided her to her feet, gripping her hands tight between his. Almost too tight, her fingers almost hurt; if they were tangible, they'd maybe be bruised, but it didn’t matter. He held her, and it was what she wanted. More than anything.
V nodded, “What’s one more fucked up adventure, yeah?” she whispered, not even tearing her eyes away to spare a glance as the well back to the real world appeared next to them.
It was a finite moment. Holding each other’s gaze as if it were the last time, it could be the last time. Words danced behind her lips, desperate to be said, desperate to be heard. Fuck, what could she even say? Before she could decide, as it often happened, Johnny made a choice of his own. And as they begin to sink back into the coiling data of the well, her to her body, and him to the Relic, his lips crashed against hers. He tasted like she thought he would, of cigarette smoke and faint whiskey. The scruff of his beard scratched against her skin, his hand moved to tangle into her hair, and as she woke to consciousness floating in the slick coolant, she swore she could still feel him there.
Pain radiated through every nerve in her body. Struggling through the liquid, she pulled herself back onto the platform, flailing for another bounce-back. She stabbed into her chest alongside the scabs of the others. Fuck she must be 15 or more in by now. While the meds were doing their job, the edges of her vision were blurring, and the pressure in her head was growing tighter. Because obviously it was fucking with her. Packaging said something like no more than 12 in 24 hours, and she was at 15 in 3. Vik was gonna be furious if she made it.
No, no fuckin’ ifs. She promised. She had to make it. When she ripped the plug from the back of her head, her fingers hesitated ever so softly next to the familiar port. Barely there, the relic hummed under her fingertips. He was there. He had to be. If the bounce-back alone wasn’t enough to get her moving, he was.
“I gotcha, Johnny, promise,” she whispered, brushing her fingers once more across the port before, with a noise closer to a whimper than a grunt, she forced herself to her feet. Pulling her- his pistol from its place on her belt, she began to limp. Alt's voice just barely noticeable over the sounds of alarms, of the sounds of her blood pumping in her ears, guiding her to the closest exit as the AI raged havoc across the rest of the tower. Memories were overlapping each other as she practically crawled her way across the floor. Escaping Konpeki, Jackie's blood on the floor beneath her feet. Running through a stone garden, pistol in one hand, and a cyberdeck in the other, bullets tearing through her stomach as she collapsed to the floor, her hands cradling the face of someone she loved and lost, only to later learn it was she who had ended her life. Standing outside of a music store, watching NCPD linger boredly around the body of someone else she loved, just another victim of Night City. It was all fucked up, his memories and hers blended in her head like some kinda tragic brain smoothie.
Staggering her way to the elevator, she leaned back against the cold metal wall, watching the numbers move from low negatives to the near positives. She could almost see Johnny leaning against the wall across from her. “You’re better than them,” he had said. It had lit a fire under her feet while she was fighting her way to the depths of Arasaka Tower. What would he say to her now, she wondered. What words of motivation would he have to get her moving? While the numbers ticked away, she closed her eyes for just a moment, dug into the parts of her that had been overwritten by him and searched for that answer. “I believe in you,” was what she settled on. Maybe not quite on the money for what he would say, but it would have to be enough.
She lifted her hand to her lips, brushing her fingers across them so gently, as if any more pressure would destroy the memory of his lips on hers. The past few weeks of quiet nights watching the lights of Night City, talking over music, the arguments, the yelling, the silence, everything they did in between gigs, waiting for calls, in the late hours struggling to sleep. There was some comfort, she supposed, that in those moments he felt the same things she had. It was real, and she would tear the whole tower down again to get it back. To get him back.
The ding of the elevator distracted her from her thoughts, and she forced herself from the wall. The pain in her body was near unbearable, but she had to make it to Vik’s. Had to get him somewhere safe, as she had promised. The lobby was empty, bodies littered the floor, all covered in the cuts and burns she knew were caused by her own blades. Blood covered the floor, and as she looked down at her feet to avoid slipping, she realized so was she. How much was hers, and how much was others’, she couldn’t say. Some feeling of regret gnawed at the back of her brain. The memory of random guards begging for their lives, trying to run from her. How many of them were like her? Born and bred into the life of an Arasaka employee, regretting their every action, knowing nothing else but the life they live. Did they want to be here? Were they obsessives who drank the Kool-Aid, willing to die for the company with pride in their eyes, until the moment death truly came for them?
“Take the back exit to the left. There is a vehicle nearby. Once you are gone, I will no longer be in contact until you reach back out to me. May you find success in your endeavors, V.” Alt’s voice interrupted her brooding, a light on the floor guiding her towards the back exit.
Right. She was so close, there was no time for regret. Stumbling her way to the back door, she could hear the chaos outside the tower louder now. NCPD, other Araska vehicles, and members of the media were all gathered outside the front of the tower. Guess she shouldn’t be surprised, given what she did. Outside this door, it was as if there was a massacre. Members of the Arasaka guard who had come this way were lying on the ground, blood pouring from their eyes and their noses. “Must’ve been Alt…,” she mumbled wearily to herself, before shuffling her way to an abandoned car close to the side of the road. Finding it already unlocked, likely a gift from Alt, V flopped pathetically into the front seat. Just a few more minutes, just get to Vik’s. Breathing deep, ignoring the pain in her rib as she did, she sat up and took off down the familiar street toward Vik’s.
The roads were mostly empty; those who cared were glued to their televisions, watching the chaos as the news rambled about the latest attack on Arasaka Tower; those who didn’t were tucked away in their beds, their clubs, their bars. Better for her to reach Vik’s as fast as possible. Her breathing was starting to wheeze, and her vision was tunnelling. The weight of a solo raid on fuckin’ Arasaka Tower, against fuckin’ Adam Smasher, was all beginning to settle down on her. Her chest hurt, her arms hurt, fuck everything fuckin’ hurt. Fuck, Vik was gonna be so mad at her. Swinging the car up onto the sidewalk close to the back alley into Vik’s clinic, V collapsed out of the car, whimpering slightly at the pain of her knees meeting concrete. “You gonna let one staircase be what kills ya, Val?” She grinned weakly at the imagined Johnny in her mind, who even now mocked her in his motivation. How very Johnny. She brushed her fingers once more against the Relic, still humming and rumbling warmly beneath her touch.
For the second time in the past 24 hours, V unceremoniously collapsed down the stairs of Vik’s clinic, landing at the bottom of them with a pitiful thud, a weak whine of pain escaping her as she did. The bounceback was finally wearing off, and all the pain that had been at the very least reduced by the meds was hitting her full force now. The world around her was tunelling, and all the sounds in her ears were beginning to muffle. Fuck, she felt like she was dying. She was just barely able to make out the panicked “V!” that must’ve been Viktor’s voice. Two bodies were on her before she could realize, one pair of arms lifting her carefully from the floor. She knew it had to be Vik, but she couldn’t focus on that. She had to focus on Johnny. Her hand scrambled pathetically up to the side of her head, brushing across the implant several times before, for the first time since Jackie had reached across the car, asking her with his last breath to take care of it, V removed the Relic.
“V-Vik…. you gotta…..cold,” every word felt like she was in that tower, fighting for every breath, for every blink, struggling for consciousness, “please,…. help him…..please Vik…,” she begged pathetically, praying he would understand. That it wouldn’t all be lost because she couldn’t speak what she needed.
There was movement around her. She could barely make out the feeling of the Relic being taken from her hand, Vik barking orders in that gruff way he always did. The sound of Misty’s boots rushing across the floor.
Then there was nothing.