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Qifery hasn’t slept for more than an hour every night for the past week. He’s done everything possible to keep himself awake: brewing tea, lesson planning, practicing spells over and over until his wrist cramps.
Sometimes, when Coco or one of the other apprentices would come down for water in the middle of the night, half asleep as they stumbled into the kitchen, Qifrey would hide himself in the nearest closet until they went back upstairs. He had no doubt that if they caught him wide awake, they’d effectively guilt-trip him into going to bed and he wouldn’t be able to come up with a good enough reason to refute them.
It’s not that he wasn’t exhausted, especially after caring for four young apprentices who get themselves into trouble every other day. He wished for nothing more than to curl up with a Snugstone in his pillowy, satin bed and sleep until noon. But with the act of sleeping, there came dreams.
Or, in Qifrey’s case, nightmares.
They’d started small at first, manifesting when he first began to notice the fuzziness in his vision even when he was wearing his glasses, the way he couldn’t read signs from afar anymore and had to bring bottles close to his face if he wanted to read the labels on them.
He’d grown afraid, etching a seal into the left lens of his glasses to sharpen his focus back to normal. He’s lost count of how many times he’s had to modify the markings, making the lines longer, the symbols larger, just so he could see the features on his apprentices faces.
His fears only grew from there, turning the small, ever-changing nightmares into something recurring and terrifying.
His apprentices called out to him fearfully. Coco’s pained screams echoed in his ears as he stumbled around in the darkness with a quire pad and wand in hand, unable to see them. They were in danger and he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t see his own hands in front of his face, couldn’t draw a clean enough sigil despite the fact that he knew how to create one without looking.
He’d found himself lurching up in bed, tears streaming down his face as he fumbled for his glasses on the bedside table. He wasn’t able to calm himself until he felt the shape of them sitting on the bridge of his nose, bringing his surroundings back into focus.
Eventually the quiet sobs would subside and he would fall back into his pillows, staring up at his ceiling. He would trace each plank of wood with his eyes, memorizing their shape and color and the way they look bathed in moonlight.
Something that, one day, he would never be able to see again.
Now, seated beside the lit fireplace, watching as the flames jumped and danced in the stone hearth, he felt a deep sadness settle in his heart. At the rate his vision was declining, it would only be half a year, maybe more if he’s lucky, before he would be well and truly blind.
He would never get to see another one of Coco’s grins, or the way Aggot’s eyes gleam after she’s mastered a particularly difficult spell. He’d never get to see Tieta’s nose scrunch up when she laughs or watch Richen come up with new seals. And Olruggio . . .
Qifrey didn’t even want to think about not being able to see his best friend’s face ever again.
He dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his temples to ward off the headache pulsing at his brows.
He really didn’t know what to do anymore. Every time he found himself getting close to the Brimmed Caps, there was always a complication that usually ended up with him or one of his apprentices injured. He’s begun to accept that this might be the end of the line for him, and unless Olruggio wanted to step up and take on the apprentices as his own, Qifrey would need to find them a new master soon.
He dreaded the thought of them leaving, but he knew it would be selfish to keep them here if he couldn’t see what their seals looked like.
Oh, how quiet the atelier would become without their laughter.
“Why are you still awake?”
Qifrey’s head snapped up, stiffening in surprise. But once he saw the dark figure standing before him, with that familiar scruffy beard and stern mouth illuminated in the firelight, he relaxed instantly.
“I could ask the same to you,” he responded, tilting his head up to properly meet his friend’s gaze. “Aren’t you leaving for another trip in the morning?”
“It’s almost sunrise. Go to bed,” Olruggio told him, crossing his arms and stepping closer into the light.
Qifrey couldn’t help the soft smile that spread across his face at the look in his eyes, unwavering and demanding. His sleep-ruffled appearance threw the imposing image off though, night clothes rumpled and dark pieces of hair sticking up every which way, making him look as if he had a porcupine sitting on his head. Qifrey thought it made him look rather adorable.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Qifrey said simply. If he tried to say anything more, especially a lie, Orligguio would be able to see right through him. He didn’t know how his friend had gotten so good at catching him being untruthful, but he supposed after nearly two decades of being friends with him it had eventually become second nature. “Why are you awake?”
“Because I knew you weren’t asleep. I could feel you stressing out from across the house,” Orligguio huffed. “Now you’re going to go upstairs right now and go to bed and if you try to protest I will carry you myself.”
“Your concern is much appreciated, but I’m fine. Really,” Qifrey told him, widening his smile and hoping it didn’t look forced. “There’s no need-”
Orligguio scoffed, advancing towards Qifrey. “Bullshit.”
Qifrey jumped to his feet, nearly tripping over himself as he backed away with his hands raised.
“Wait, Olly-”
His back hit the wall, Orligguio effectively cornering him. The dark haired witch ignored Qifrey’s stuttered protests, wrapping both his arms around his waist and hoisting him up over his shoulder. If Qifrey found himself a little flustered with Orligguio’s strong hands gripping his legs to make sure he didn’t fall, that was nobody’s business but his.
“This is really unnecessary, you know,” he grumbled, poking his Orligguio’s back as he begrudgingly allowed the witch to carry him towards the staircase.
Orligguio hummed. “Sure it is.”
Qifrey could hear the grin on his face, and that made him smile too.
They fell silent as they reached the second floor, not wanting to wake the apprentices. Orliggio turned left and walked down the hall that led to Qifrey’s room, passing by the closed doors that housed the sleeping girls.
When Olrigguio opened his bedroom door and stepped inside, he moved in a way that had Qifrey’s head smacking against the doorframe. Qifrey hissed, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain.
There was a faint, nearly imperceptible clatter of wire frames hitting the floor. Olrigguio whispered something, probably an apology, but his words fell deaf to Qifrey’s ears as the silver haired witch began to register the absence of his glasses on his face.
His whole body locked up, breaths coming in short, shallow pants as he kept his eye screwed shut. He didn’t want to look, knew that if he did he wouldn’t be able to see his glasses on the dark, blurry ground and that would only serve to make him panic even more.
“Qifrey, are you ok?” he heard Olrigguio ask, his voice low.
“Glasses,” he said hoarsely, willing his lungs to work properly. He felt himself being gently set down on his bed, but he still didn’t open his eyes. His hands were shaking so hard he had to clench them together in his lap, trying to appear calmer than he felt.
“Oh,” Olrigguio breathed, a mix of concern and confusion lacing his voice. “I’m sorry, I’ll go find them.”
Qifrey didn’t respond, focusing on taking shaky, deep breaths.
Calm down.
He heard Olrigguio walk back to the door, his feet quietly padding on the floorboards. There was the sound of paper shuffling and the scratch of a pen, followed by a soft light. It only took a moment before Qifrey heard him coming back towards him, and he held out a trembling palm for the witch to place the glasses in his hand.
Instead, there were fingers underneath his chin, tilting his head up. Qifrey sucked in a soft breath as he felt a hand brushing his hair away from his face, a thumb wiping away tears that he didn’t even know were there before gently placing his glasses on the bridge of his nose.
Qifrey sagged in relief, breathing out a deep sigh as he finally relaxed and blinked open his eye.
Olruggio was there, his face filling Qifrey’s vision as he stared down at him. His fingers were still touching his face, caressing his cheek absently. When Qifrey met his gaze he seemed to realize what he was doing and dropped his hand quickly, a dusting of pink high on his cheeks, but he didn’t back away.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” he asked softly.
Qifrey looked up at him with tired eyes. He shook his head once, even though he knew it was much too weak a protest to be believable.
“It is not your burden to bear,” he whispered. “You have a long day ahead of you; you should get back to bed. I promise to sleep until the sun comes up, if it will make you feel better.”
Olruggio seemed to ignore him, studying Qifrey’s face so intently he had to resist the urge to squirm underneath his gaze.
Slowly, Olruggio raised his fingers towards Qifrey’s eyes. The silver haired witch instinctively flinched back, pushing his hand away harder than he meant to.
“Did you . . . draw a seal on the lens to help you see?” Olruggio breathed, eyes widening. “Are you-”
“It’s just a little spell, to help block out harsh light,” Qifrey said defensively. “I can see just fine, Olly. Now, good night.”
“You never take off your glasses anymore,” Olruggio continued, sounding as if he was talking more to himself as he continued to study Qifrey. “Not even when we’re alone at home. The girls and I have seen you plenty of times without them before, so you wouldn’t have a reason to wear them all the time unless-”
“Stop, Olly,” Qifrey said, hating how weak he sounded. He scooted back on the bed, putting some distance between them. Thankfully Olruggio stayed put, but he didn’t make a move to leave either.
“Is this because of what the Brimmed Caps did to you?” Olruggio continued. Qifrey wasn’t expecting to hear anger in his voice. “They took one eye, and now they’re making you suffer through losing the last of your vision? That’s why you looked so scared just now. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner-”
“Alright, you figured it out!” Qifrey exclaimed, balling up the bed covers in his fists as his own anger rose. He felt the words bubbling up faster than he could shove them down, soon finding he had very little control over what came out of his mouth next. “I’m going blind, and that terrifies me. What do you want, a medal? You don’t know how hard it is to not be able to see things clearly anymore. You don’t know how it feels to know that in less than a year I’m going to be a useless witch, unable to do anything but draw the seals that I’ve memorized. They,” he gestured sharply to his bedroom door and the hallway beyond it, “won’t be able to be my apprentices anymore, and with you traveling so often I doubt you’d want to take them on as your own. I am losing everything, and there’s nothing I can do about any of it.”
He was crying now, feeling like a snotty, puffy-eyed embarrassment as tears fell down his face. He tried to wipe them all away without taking off his glasses, but there was just more and more until eventually he gave up. He stared down at his lap, afraid to look at Olrigguio. He braced himself to hear the sound of him leaving, and he wouldn’t even blame him when he did. He’s always been one to wander, refusing to be tied down. Why would he stay now? Now that he knew Qifrey was going to be an incapacitated witch, unable to be of any use.
A burden, is what he would become, and he wondered if Olrigguio would cut his losses sooner than later and leave for good when the sun rose. Qifrey probably wouldn’t do a very good job coping with his absence, but he would understand the reason behind it nonetheless.
He jumped when he felt calloused hands cupping his face, tilting his chin back up so he was looking at Olrigguio who was now sitting in front of him on the bed. His gaze was gentle, almost reverent as he touched Qifrey’s jaw, his cheekbones, his single, failing eye.
“Why are you still here?” Qifrey hiccuped. “Just go already, I know you want to. You always want to leave. Why do you keep coming back?”
Olrigguio gave him a sad, soft smile before closing the distance between them and placing a chaste kiss to his lips. Qifrey blinked at him, his surprise turning his sobs into quiet sniffles.
“I’ll always come back to you, Qifrey,” he whispered against his mouth. “I’m sorry for not being here as often as I would like, but I’ll always return to your side. You should never have had to worry about such a thing.”
“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” Qifrey breathed. “I’m going to be a useless witch soon. There’s no purpose I would serve that would give you enough reason to stay.”
Olrigguio pulled back a little, sighing. “Qifrey, you don’t need to serve any purpose to me for me to want to be with you. You could turn into a worm and I would still carry you around in my pocket. Don’t you get it? I’ll care for you no matter what. I’ll take on the apprentices, I’ll make you hundreds of contraptions so you can get around and do things by yourself when I’m not around, I’ll cut down on the amount of business requests I take up. I will help you, Qifrey. I would have sooner, if your stubborn ass had said something.”
Qifrey sniffled hard, fresh tears welling up in his eyes. But this time, they weren’t from anger and desperation.
They were from love.
Qifrey threw his arms around Olruggio’s neck, pulling him down and burying his nose in his shoulder. The scent of woodsmoke and tea leaves filled his senses, and he found himself relaxing in the familiarity of it.
Olruggio hugged him back, his chin resting on Qifrey’s head. It was a comfortable position, something that wouldn’t have been able to happen had they been standing up, with Qifrey standing a few inches taller than Olruggio.
“Will you talk to me when something troubles you?” Olruggio asked, his breath ghosting Qifrey’s hair.
Qifrey nodded once and Olruggio gave a satisfied hum, curling Qifrey tighter into his chest as the silver haired witch clung to him.
That night, wrapped in Olruggio’s embrace, Qifrey slept soundly for the first time in a long while