Chapter Text
“They’re exiting the final corner, onto the home stretch! It’s Tayasu Tamotsu in the lead on the inside! Tai Crusher in second! Admire Vega on the outside!”
Unable to control herself anymore, she leaps to her feet and gets as close as she can to the screen. “Come on! Come on Top Road! You can do it!” she shouts, throwing her hands in the air, knowing her favorite can’t hear or see her, but she just can’t resist trying to encourage her.
The announcer continues. “Tai Crusher is out of steam! Tayasu Tamotsu is holding steady! Narita Top Road is making her move, coming up through the middle! Rascal Suzuka follows her close behind, to the left!”
“Ahhh!” she knows she should be quieter, but she just can’t help it. Top Road is so cool, and she’s making her move! Everyone is so close together, and they’re all so fast. She’s running in place now, without even realizing. Her whole world has been reduced to the space in front of the television, it’s almost like she’s there! Oh how she wishes she could be there. Even better, to be on the track. But that’s a thought for later! “Goooo Top Road!”
“Narita Top Road has taken the lead, Tayasu Tamotsu falters! Rascal Suzuka maintains a steady distance, but is running out of time! T.M. Opera O is coming up fast on the outside, but will it matter?”
She holds her breath, for what feels like both an eternity and an instant.
“They’re approaching the line! Narita Top Road holds the lead, T.M. Opera O takes second, can she get there?”
She’s running faster now, making herself out of breath. “You can do it Top Road. You can show them you belong.” she whispers.
“It’s...it’s Narita Top Road! By a neck! The Lovely Stayer has bested the Centurial Overlord! Narita Top Road has won the Kikuka Sho, her first GI!”
Her world came back into focus. “Yes! Yes! She did it! Yippee!” she exclaims, jumping up and down. Top Road deserves so much, but she’s always being overshadowed. But not today!
“Calm down honey,” her mom says, with a smile. “I’m happy too, but the neighbors will be upset!”
That startles her! She forgot her mom was there, she was so absorbed in the race. “Right! I’m sorry momma!”
Her mom looks her in the eye, with the warmest expression. “It’s okay sweetheart, I’m glad you’re so excited for Top Road. Let’s cheer her on, but quietly!”
“Yes momma!” she sits back down in front of the television and crosses her legs, still out of breath, and turns her full attention back to the screen. It’s almost time for Top Road’s concert!
The arena is complete. Narita Top Road, T.M. Opera O and Rascal Suzuka take center stage, with Top Road at position zero. Opera glances at Top Road, donning a warm smile that is underwritten with a hint of pain. A feeling of being happy for her friend, but frustrated beyond measure at losing to her rival. A feeling plainly displayed, felt even through the television screen. The greatest motivator for all racing Umamusume.
So why could she feel it? Why could she sympathize? Why did she want nothing more than to leap to her feet and run and never stop? Why were there tears coming to her eyes, when she was meant to be happy?
Happy, yes. She’s happy! For Top Road, who needs her support. This is enough to save her tears pushing them deep inside, the floodgates holding for now. Meanwhile, the lights go down, the music starts, and Top Road begins to sing.
Her voice is magical. She’s so cool, and cute, and pretty, not to mention fast! She’s so perfect and-
Oh.
The dam broke.
She bawls her eyes out, melting into a puddle on the floor. She doesn’t fully understand why. She should be happy for Top Road, so why? What is this feeling? She feels a hand on her head, as another slowly wipes her tears away.
“What’s the matter, honey?” her mom asks, trying to hide the concern in her voice.
She tries to respond, but struggles. “M-Momma, I-I...I don’t...I don’t know,” she manages to squeeze out. “T-Top R-Road won...I...should be happy.”
Through the tears, she can’t see the concerned expression on her mom’s face. “Oh honey…” she feels a warm embrace, and a tail wrapping around her waist. “It’s okay sweetie, whatever you’re feeling, it’ll be okay.”
The comfort she feels slows her tears a bit, making it easier for her to speak. “I...I feel,” she struggles to find the words, a description for the intense emotions she’s feeling right now. She says the best thing that comes to mind. “Like...frustrated. Like it’s unfair?”
Her mom tightens her embrace. “Could you be jealous?”
“Jealous…” she responds, still fighting the tears. Yes, that’s it. She’s jealous. She lowers her head and nods weakly.
“Oh sweetheart,” her mom says, running her fingers through her hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She did. She really, really did. She focused on the feelings that have sprung up, during the end of the race, during the concert. How she could feel Opera’s motivation, how she wanted to run and race herself, how she wanted to be dazzling on the stage, like Top Road. “I wish...I wish I could run. Like them. I wish I could win and sing and be beautiful, I wish I could be an Umamusume…”
She felt her mom’s tail twitch, and release her waist. She knew by now, that her mom’s tail and ears weren’t really under her control, and gave away a lot of her emotions, even if she was good at hiding them otherwise. She was afraid that she’d said something to upset her.
“Honey, you know…” her mom began. “Not all horse girls can race. Besides, you can do everything you listed while being just as you are. You can run and race, humans have those sports too. You can sing and inspire millions, and you’re already beautiful. Those girls have nothing on you but age.”
Her mom’s sweet words made her tears flow more freely, but not as badly as before. She loved hearing them, but they still didn’t satisfy this desire that she only just realized she had. To run, fast. Faster than her legs could ever take her, further than she could ever last. “I-It’s not...the same.” she replied. “Momma, did you ever race?”
She felt her mom’s sigh. “I didn’t, sweetie, but I wanted to. I really wanted to, just like you feel now. But I wasn’t cut out for it.”
She looked up at her mom, who was now looking away, staring longingly into space, her ears slightly drooped. She shouldn’t have asked that question, should she? But mom never talked about her past, and she was just too curious. Mom wanted to race? Was that her dream? Why wasn’t she able?
While she was thinking, her mom snapped out of her haze, and looked back at her, recognizing the troubled look on her face. “Oh honey it’s okay, I wouldn’t change my life for anything. I wasn’t fast or tenacious enough to race, or maybe I just didn’t try hard enough, but I still love to run just like every horse girl, and I get to do that every day. But most importantly, I have you, my little snugglebun.” her mom proudly stated, pulling her closer and giving her a peck on the cheek. “Everything is going to be okay sweetie, I have no regrets, and you have your entire life ahead of you, capable of doing almost anything you can set your mind to!”
Her tears were nearly dry, and she couldn’t help but laugh. “I love you, mom!” she exclaimed, leaning into her embrace. She loved her mom so much, and she was sad her dream didn’t come true, but happy that she liked her life as it is now. As for herself, she still wanted to run, to race, but her mom was right. She still can run if she wants to! She can still sing, she can still do anything she sets out to do. She will, and she will make her mom proud doing so.
“I love you too honey,” her mom replied. “Now, let’s watch the rest of the post-race, and cheer on Top Road!”
She nodded. “Yes!”
Paper Rain was nervous. There really wasn’t any need for her to be, but she wanted only the best for her daughter, and was afraid that she’d fail. She was a teenager now, and puberty had started rearing its ugly head. It was time to find her a doctor willing to fix that problem. But as she’d discovered these past few months, they were few and far between. Most rejected her daughter, unwilling to provide the kind of treatment she needs. Heartless they were, or too cautious at the very least. Time was ticking, and she’d been adamant that she was a girl since she was small. They currently sat silently in the waiting room of the latest candidate, and while Rain didn’t expect this visit to go different, she hoped beyond hope that it would.
As they waited, Rain thought back on her life. Her childhood in the states, her dreams of racing dashed early on. There were many modestly successful horse girls in her lineage, with a few standouts who gained national or worldwide recognition, and her family was counting on her to continue their legacy, but she just wasn’t able. “You’d better at least find a good man and give us a talented daughter,” they’d say. That became her second dream, to make her family proud by continuing their lineage.
But when she did fall in love, it was with a trainer from Japan. It wasn’t a relationship her family approved of. “He’s not athletic enough!” they’d say. “How will you have a talented daughter with him?” However, they eventually came around to him. He was charming, smart, and knew all there was to know about horse girl training. He’d never had a trainee win it big, but many had placed highly, and it was only a matter of time. When they got married, she returned to Japan with him.
When she first became pregnant, her family was ecstatic. They visited the couple in Japan often, talking non-stop about their future granddaughter’s talent, about how she would first conquer Japan, and then become a world-renowned horse girl. Ultrasounds were inconclusive, but they were so sure that her child would be a horse girl that it was infectious. Rain herself didn’t even doubt it, she’d even been inspired with a name that felt as if it’d come from the goddesses themselves, just as other horse girl mothers had often described.
Then came the day. She went into labor, and her parents were already in town just in case. She was in labor for nearly an entire day, it was long and arduous, the most painful thing she’d ever experienced. But she thought it would all be worth it. She was finally fulfilling her purpose, after all. She could not have been more happy, more excited to meet her daughter.
“It’s a boy! Congratulations!”
She remembered being shocked. She couldn’t speak. This should have been one of the happiest days of her life, and she had known she would always love her child no matter what. But what of her family? They had been so set on adding another horse girl to the lineage, this would surely just be seen as another of Rain’s failures, another way in which she let the family down.
She hadn’t been wrong. Her parents were furious, and returned to the states within the next day. They didn’t seem happy to have a new grandchild at all. “The next one, then.” was all her mother could say to her. Her father said nothing. The rest of her family didn’t reach out at all, as if nothing had happened. Even her husband struggled, having dreamed of his daughter winning the triple crown or Arima Kinen, hoping to train her there himself. That’s where their marital problems began.
She loved her son with all her heart, and resolved to love him even more to make up for everyone else. But she nor her husband could give up on the dream, and began trying again a year later. Another year after that, they had had no luck. They consulted a fertility clinic.
“Unfortunately, Rain-san, your previous difficult birth has left you unable to become pregnant.”
She had cried, for days and nights, she didn’t remember how many. Her husband comforted her at first, but eventually grew distant. He had not given up on the dream. When she called her family to tell them, she was disowned. “You have nothing left to offer us, you have failed us at every turn. You are no longer part of this family.” they said, as if she was worth less than the turf on their cleats. To them, she likely was.
A year later, her husband left them. He had apologized, but said the spark was gone, and that he had taken a training job at a prestigious academy in the states that his connections offered him. She never knew for sure, but she suspected that her family were the ones that got him that job, that they felt he could do better than her, that he still had something to offer them. They divorced, and he was gone. The only contact she’d had with him since was when he’d occasionally send money, so he must have become rather successful over there.
Meanwhile, she was stuck in Japan, a single parent American horse girl who wasn’t very good at Japanese. Using the money he’d left, she took some time to become fluent, and managed to get a job as a convenience store clerk. She and her son had to leave their rather nice apartment, but they found a new place they could afford, and they were getting by. At that point, survival had been all she could ask for. Things had settled.
“Momma, I’m a girl.”
These were the words her “son” came to her with, one day. She hadn’t expected it, but she wasn’t against it. All she could do was laugh at the irony of her child being a girl after all, just not a horse girl. She’d heard of other people like this, and began her research right away, forming as good of a plan for her daughter’s future as she could. She would not let her down.
Then, her heart was broken. While watching the Kikuka Sho one year, her daughter broke down and admitted that she wanted to be a horse girl. This made her feel like a failure, more than anything that had come before. Not only had she failed her family, she had failed her daughter. If her body had just flipped one coin differently, just changed one thing, her child could be achieving her dreams. Instead, she’d have to settle. This was hard to deal with, but she was proud that they’d both gotten through it, so far. Over the past few years, her daughter actually seemed to be handling it even better than she was.
Eventually, she became the manager of the store, and her salary covered their expenses without the help of that man’s money. She started putting everything he sent into an interest account, with the hope of using it for her daughter’s medical expenses whenever she needed it.
She snapped back to reality. That time was now, and she’d already spent a large sum just getting audiences with the doctors who’d already turned them away. The doctor they were waiting to see was the most expensive so far, but if she would just accept her daughter as a patient, it would be all worth it.
Rain glanced over at her daughter. She was on her phone, smiling at something she’d seen. She’d already grown into such a beautiful young lady. She was so, so proud of her. Her resolve to spare her as much pain as possible renewed every time she saw her. She would do anything, and spare no expense. If this doctor turned out to not be the one, they’d just move on to the next. It didn’t matter how much it costs, or where they had to go.
The door next to reception opened suddenly, and a nurse peaked her head out. “Hello! The doctor will see you now, come this way.”
She was incredibly nervous. This wasn’t the first doctor she’d seen to try to get on hormone replacement therapy, but she had high hopes. Maybe that was foolish, but she didn’t care. She had to have hope. She tried to distract herself by looking at cute fanart of her favorite fandoms on her phone. It worked, but not enough.
A door opened, which startled her, nearly dropping her phone. The nurse poked her head through the opening. “Hello! The doctor will see you now, come this way.”
The nurse showed her and her mom through into the doctor’s office. Since they were just here on a consultation, they didn’t need to weigh or take her vitals.
“Ah, hello!” the doctor said, excitedly. “Come in, come in!”
They sat in front of the doctor’s desk. It was less ornate and more cluttered than she expected, and the room was less decorated than previous doctors they had visited. A small plaque on the desk read “佐々木 雪華 (Sasaki Yukina)”. She was a human woman who appeared to be in her late forties.
“I’m so sorry you had to wait so long,” she began. She had a pleasant, relaxing kind of voice. “I had an unexpected call.”
“That’s okay, thank you for agreeing to see us on short notice.” her mom replied.
“Of course, of course! I’m always happy to make time for a potential patient. I take it that this is her?” Sasaki-sensei motioned towards her.
“Y-Yes,” she replied, nervously. “It’s nice to meet you. I...I need your help.”
Sasaki-sensei smiled. “Well let’s see, I think you’ve come to the right place. Your mother has already given me a general overview of what you need when we spoke over the phone, but I’d like to hear the testimony from you personally, just to be sure.” she shuffled some things on her desk, clearing her keyboard, ready to type. “Whenever you’re ready, no need to be nervous.”
She was very nervous, regardless. She didn’t understand why she needed to give her own testimony, if mom had already done it for her. But if it would get her closer to finally being able to have a normal puberty, she would do anything. “Yes, Sasaki-sensei. I-I…” she stuttered. “I’m transgender. I-I’ve known that I was actually a girl since I was little. L-Lately I...have started puberty. It’s been really hard. I don’t want to have this puberty, I want to have the one I’m supposed to. I at least don’t…want…to get more masculine. I-I hate what it’s already done and-”
“I’ll stop you there,” Sasaki-sensei interrupted, with a smile. “You don’t need to say any more! Your words are heartfelt, and I happen to be someone who can help.” she turned to her mother. “Has she already gotten diagnosed?”
Her mom looked shocked. “O-Of course! I’ve brought all the paperwork…” she dug into her bag and pulled out a folder. “Here you go.”
Sasaki-sensei took the folder. “Excellent! I love when patients come prepared, thank you.” she opened the folder and began scanning the contents. “Yes I believe this is all in order. There should be no issues.” Sasaki-sensei turned back to her. “We’ll just need to get some blood work, vitals, measurements and so on, before we can start any medications. I also need to speak with your mother about the effects of the medication, so that she can inform you of all possible outcomes. It may take a bit, but my next patient canceled, would you have time to do so now?”
They both tried to speak at the same time, but she let her mom speak. “Yes, yes of course! We can go over it right away!”
She tried to hide her tears, but some escaped regardless. “Thank you Sasaki-sensei!”
“Please, you can call me Yukina in the office. Anyway, I’m glad to hear it! I’d like us to get started right away,” Yukina said. “We’ll start with the tests and such.” she typed a number into her phone. “I’ve got a young lady here who needs to get established Yes, the whole workup. She’s in my office now, please come get her right away.” she hung up the phone. “My nurse will be right in to retrieve you for the tests, it shouldn’t take more than thirty minutes or so. Non-invasive, no need to be nervous unless you’re afraid of needles.”
“T-Thank you so much, Yukina…I’d endure a thousand needles if needed!”
Yukina chuckled. “I’d bet you would, I haven’t met many in your position who wouldn’t.”
There was a knock on the door, and the nurse stepped in. “Ah, young lady? You can come with me now, and we’ll get started.”
She stood, legs shaky but confident. “Yes ma’am!”
Left alone in the office with the doctor, Paper Rain wasn’t sure what else to say or do except offer her thanks. “Sasaki-sensei, I can’t thank you enough-”
“Ah, you can also call me Yukina,” she interrupted. She seemed to have a habit of doing that. “It’s no trouble, this is what I do. Anyway, let’s get started with the briefing, shall we?”
“O-Oh, sure. I already know a little, but I’m no expert.”
Yukina let out a low giggle. “She stutters just like you, she really is her mother’s daughter,” she replied. “But yes, I assumed you knew at least a bit about how this whole process works, or you likely wouldn’t have ended up here.” she shuffled around the papers on her desk, searching for and finding what she needed. She handed the packet to Rain. “Here, this is good reading material to consult for any questions you may have after this meeting.”
“Thank you very much.” she placed the papers in her bag.
“Anyway, I’ll begin with the basics. We’ll first be prescribing puberty blockers, this will prevent her body from masculinizing her like it’s currently trying to do. She’ll likely feel much better on this medication alone, both mentally and physically. There are little side effects of this, but it will likely render her infertile, and may increase her frequency of urination,” Yukina continues. “In roughly a year, we’ll get a reaffirmation that this is what she wants, and then we can begin administering feminizing hormone therapy, bringing her estradiol levels in line with cisgender girls of her age. She won’t be too far behind her peers in body development. She will develop breasts, softer skin, widened hips, all the typical secondary sex characteristics that I needn’t inform you of.”
That was a lot of information to absorb, but Rain was familiar with everything Yukina was telling her. Internet research was much easier nowadays, and she’d learned a lot by forgoing some of her sleep while reading up on hormone therapy. Anything for her little girl, to make her dreams come true and maintain her safety.
“Now on to the next topic, which is a rather new development in our field. If you’ve done much research, you likely know that hormone therapy is still very under-researched, despite being around for several decades. A lot of people simply haven’t had access to it before or during puberty until the last decade or so, and even still the rates are far below the predictive numbers of those who would benefit, for countless reasons.”
Rain could not help but wonder where she was going with this, but she nodded along.
Yukina continued. “Meaning, there is a new development we’ve only recently become aware of. It sounds ridiculous, frankly, but it’s true, there’s documented cases. So I must mention it.”
Worry overtook Rain. Was it something bad? Would this crush her little one’s dreams? What could she possibly be talking about?
“There is a possibility, however slim, that your daughter will become an Umamusume.”
Rain’s mouth dropped, hanging agape for several seconds. “What?”
“It seems that sometimes, in the case of transgender girls who are born to Umamusume and begin hormone therapy young, they can become an Umamusume themselves. There aren’t enough data points to form a concrete pattern, but it can happen any time within the first few years of beginning therapy, and once it begins, the body rapidly rearranges itself. Growing ears on the top of the head and losing the old ones, growing a tail, changes in hair color, texture and growth rate, strengthening of muscles, especially those in the legs. Those that this happens to become full fledged Umamusume, even though most are never fit to race. This may seem attractive, and something to hope for, but it’s extraordinarily painful for the girl. If it happens, she’ll have to be hospitalized for an extended time. It would be a difficult period for both parent and child.” she pauses. “It also does not solve the obvious problems, such as genitalia and fertility, and she’ll still need to continue hormone therapy for her entire life. If this change occurs, discontinuing therapy could be life threatening, but little is known about that occurrence.”
“I-I...I can’t believe my ears…” Rain began. She felt like she was going to have a panic attack. “Is that really true? There’s no way that’s true I...I would have heard? But you said it’s a recent discovery? What are the chances it happens to my daughter? T-This is a serious matter…”
Yukina frowned. “That’s an interesting reaction, though you are one of the first I’ve had to tell this to. It really is just that recent of a discovery. I’ve never overseen a case myself.”
“I-I’m sorry I just, I just, I just…” Rain tried to continue, tried to get all her thoughts out, but instead she began to cry. “I can’t, I don’t know, I…”
Yukina rushed from her seat to Rain’s side, beginning to comfort her. “Is everything okay? I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m guessing something traumatic happened before to cause this reaction. You can talk about it if you’d like, there’s still some time before the young lady returns.”
Rain tried her hardest to slip coherent words past her tears, succeeding while being succinct as possible. “I-It’s-complicated. I was d-disowned, for failing to produce a horse girl, and she, she has wanted to be a horse girl, to race, since she was small…”
“Oh.” Yukina responded, thinking.
“I-I’m so sorry, after you, did so much for us already and, I repay you like this.”
“Nonsense, your reaction makes perfect sense now. There’s obviously a lot of trauma here.” Yukina’s face was locked in a concerned state, obviously trying to think of the correct words to say. “I’m not sure if you’d prefer it to happen or not, but the chance is very small either way. Neither you nor your daughter should get your hopes up. I know just the knowledge that it’s possible would feel Earth-shattering to someone with your experiences, but it’s very likely that nothing has changed at all, and your daughter will grow up into a normal young woman,” she tried to comfort Rain. “At least, if I have anything to say about it.”
Tears were still slipping out, but Yukina’s speech really did help Rain feel better. “Thank you,” she said, trying to compose herself. “You’re right. Just knowing it’s possible really brought back a lot of uncomfortable feelings. I only care if she is better off, if she’s better off having that happen, then I hope it does. If she isn’t, then I hope it doesn’t. I don’t know which one it will be, but as you said, it’s unlikely, so probably nothing will change.”
“You are an excellent mother,” Yukina exclaimed. “Your care and passion towards your daughter’s well-being nearly brings me to tears. I have no doubt that no matter what her development brings, she’ll be in good hands, and that you’ll explain all this to her in a way that she can handle hearing.”
“I w-wish I had your confidence but, I will do my best.”
There was a knock at the door. Had it already been that long? Yukina gave Rain a look, silently asking if it was okay for them to come in. She dried her tears the best she could, and gave her the okay.
“Come on in,” Yukina exclaimed “I think we’re all done here.”
The nurse opened the door, and her daughter came rushing in. “Momma!” she shouted, and wrapped her arms around Rain. She was acting like a little kid, she’s just that excited. It was infectious.
“Hi snugglebun,” Rain said, returning the embrace. “I’m so, so happy for you. Are you ready to go home? We’ve got a lot to talk about tonight.”
It had been just over three years since she’d started puberty blockers, and just over two years since she began proper hormone therapy. The short time in which her body was masculinizing felt like an age ago, and she could barely remember what it felt like. All she knew was that she was happier than ever, and she never wanted to go back. She finally felt normal, and never wanted to jeopardize that again.
However…
She sometimes still thought about that night, when she and her mom returned from Sasaki-sensei’s office. Mom sat her down, and explained to her all about the effects hormone therapy would have on her body and mind, answering any questions she had using the packet the doctor had sent them home with. She was both looking forward to and dreading the effects, just like every other girl about to go through puberty. More than anything, she was excited about the lack of male development. Things on that front had turned out fine, more than fine, actually! But…
Could she really become an Umamusume?
When her mom began to tell her about that possibility, it kind of shattered her world. At first, she thought she was lying. But her mom wouldn’t do that to her. She’d just begun to get over the fact that she could never race as an Umamusume, but that tiny, super unlikely possibility reignited it with a passion. Thankfully, since then, that passion had faded, every passing day making it more and more unlikely that it would happen to her.
But she just couldn’t let the thought go completely. Once you learn something is possible…
Oh well. She has school tomorrow, and staying up late thinking about this isn’t going to help her at all. She takes her medicine, brushes her teeth, says goodnight to her mom, and climbs under the covers.
“Another normal day tomorrow!” she excitedly whispers to herself. “I’m normal, just a normal girl. I’m not weird, or special, and that’s wonderful.” she begins to drift off to sleep. “It’s...wonderful…”
“...right?”
Suddenly, she’s running, far faster than a human can, on a huge track covered in grass and surrounded by fence. She feels her feet dig into the turf in a way she’s never experienced before, with more force than she should be able to produce. The wind rushes by so quickly that it almost stings. She hears the roar of a crowd, the sound of her own galloping, her own labored breathing, and she screams. She screams, as loud as she can, pushing herself faster and faster and faster. Just when she thinks that she can’t push any more, she goes even faster. It’s the greatest feeling in the world, and yet, she still isn’t going fast enough. She can’t help but push even harder, but when she does, she slips.
She slips and falls. There’s no crash, she instead falls through the ground into an abyss, thick with an atmosphere that makes her feel like she’s underwater. The muffled noise of the crowd breaks through, reminding her that she has to keep running. Faster. If there isn’t a ground beneath her feet, she’ll make one. She must keep running. The crowd becomes more and more muffled as she runs, further and further away from reality. Faster. A light appears, blinding but cool. She runs toward it. Faster. It gets colder. The light draws closer. Faster. She has to get to the light, faster. Ice forms at her feet with every step, and she goes faster. The air itself begins to freeze, and she goes faster. Her eyes become filled with the light, encompassing all around her until she can’t see anything but a blinding white, and she goes even faster.
“Sweetheart!” she hears, a quiet, muffled plea. “Please wake up! Please...please come back to me.”
She jolts awake.
A pain hits her like she’s never felt. Every inch of her body feels as if it’s on fire, or frozen to ice, she can’t tell the difference. She screams involuntarily, but with all her might.
“I’ve got you honey, I’ve got you, it’s okay, it’ll be okay. The ambulance is on its way, you’re going to be okay.” they’re her mom’s words, but they’re so low, she can barely hear them.
What’s happening to her? She tries to sit up, and she manages, but it makes the pain even worse. Her entire body is crying out for relief and doesn’t know where to find it. She screams again.
“No honey no, stay still, lay down until they get here,” her mom pleads and tries to push her back flat, but it doesn’t register. She opens her eyes, she has to figure out what’s going on.
Her mom looks worried and desperate, and she’s crying. Why...?
She looks into her dressing mirror, opposite the foot of her bed. Her eyes are clouded with tears, but she can make out blurry details. Is that her in the reflection? Her hair is darker than that, isn’t it? What are the two shapes sticking out of the top of her head?
She realizes. The pain gets worse, and she screams again. It’s unbearable, she can’t handle it. Is it really happening? But if this is the cost, is it worth it? The pain gets worse again, every cell in her body screaming that something is wrong. She collapses back into her bed, and everything goes black.
When she drifts back into consciousness, she finds herself in a hospital room. It’s dimly lit, and there’s no light coming from the window. There’s a curtain drawn, blocking her view of the door. In a corner chair, her mom sits, curled up and asleep. How long had it been? She tries to sit up, but feels weak and sore, and there is an IV attached to her arm that she nearly rips out. A monitor above her starts beeping, the sound piercing her ears like the loudest thing she has ever heard.
She reaches up to cover her ears, but finds nothing where they’re supposed to be. In a panic, she feels around the rest of her head, eventually finding something sticking out of the top, curled down flat against her head…
Then she felt something poking her in the rear, tugging on her tailbone, moving around like it had a mind of its own. She reached around, and found something soft and fluffy emerging from the base of her spine.
Oh, right. She remembers. It...happened. It actually happened. She can’t believe it, it really happened! It was so unlikely, and it’d been so long. How? Was this a good thing? She was just learning to be a normal girl, and now…
In this moment, all she wants is for someone to turn off that monitor. Why is it so loud?
A nurse flings open the curtain and rushes in. “Oh my goodness, you’re awake! I was worried something happened! I’ll get this monitor turned off right away. Congrats on waking up!”
Why did it sound like the nurse was screaming, but talking normally at the same time? She tries to speak, her voice coming out low and raspy. “H-How long, has it been?”
“It’s been about, let’s see,” the nurse pauses, turning off the monitor. “Three weeks, I believe? You came to us in a sorry state. You had passed out but we didn’t want you to wake up while you were still in so much pain, so you were on sedatives for a while. They discontinued them a few days ago, when they deemed your new features had finished growing, or close enough to it,” she continued. “It seems something quite rare has happened to you, miss.”
“So it’s real,” she began to tear up. “It’s real...I gave up on it happening, but it happened anyway. It really happened. I don’t know what to think, or feel.”
The nurse smiled. “Let’s start with a mirror, shall we?” she began to unhook the monitor. “I’ll get everything taken off, so you can get up and use the bathroom mirror. Then I’ll wake up your mom, she made me promise I would if you woke while she was sleeping.”
“O-Okay. I’d like that, thank you.”
Once she was fully detached, the nurse led her to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, and turned around…
Staring back at her was a bright red-eyed, brown haired Umamusume, with the tips of her ears fading to black. Her hair reached all the way down to the small of her back, which it never did before. She turned around to look at her tail, which was the same color, with the same fading to black at the tip. Besides the ears, tail and eye and hair color and length, she looked pretty much the same? She seemed like she was the same height, her face seemed mostly the same, her build didn’t seem especially different. But she still had a hard time registering the person in the mirror as ‘her’. An Umamusume, her? The dream she had when she was little, reality? She’d known for years that it was a slim possibility, but it’s a huge leap from that to seeing it actually happen.
She wonders how long it will take before the reflection she sees will feel like her own.
A frantic knock comes at the door. “Honey? You’re awake? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
She opens the door immediately, and her mom darts in like a blur, jumping and throwing her arms around her. Normally, this would have caused her to stumble, but this time it didn’t. Was she stronger already, even though she felt so weak?
“Oh sweetie, I’m so glad you’re awake…” her mom forced out through her tears. “I was so worried, I missed you so much.”
She couldn’t help but tear up herself. “I’m okay, mom,” she said, smiling. “I’m really okay. But…”
“It happened,” her mom replied. “It really happened.”
“That’s what I was going to say!” she laughed. “I’m an Umamusume, mom. Just like you.”
Her mom broke into a giggle, while still crying. “Well, what do you think? Is this what you wanted? How do you feel? I’m just happy you’re okay.”
She paused for a moment. “I didn’t know what to think at first, I’d really thought I had come to terms with who I was, and was fine with that,” she was tearing up now too, unable to help herself. “But I think I was just settling. Now…” she said, her tail flicking around wildly. “I feel like I’ve been given a new life. I’m not going to waste it!”
“My snugglebun,” her mom drew her closer, and wrapped her tail around her. “If that’s how you feel, I am so, so happy for you, and will do whatever it takes to help you accomplish whatever you put your mind to!”
“Momma,” she exclaimed, returning the hug and wrapping her new tail around her mom in return. “I love you so much.”
Her mom laughed, and led her back to the bed.
“I guess I have to ask you to name me again, for the third time,” she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I wasn’t a fan of the first one you gave me, but the second was lovely.”
“Oh…” her mom said, an amused look at her face. “The first one was my bad! But for this one, I won’t need to take as long as I did for the second,” she smiled warmly. “I can’t really explain it, but I’ve known this name since you were conceived. I always wondered why, since other horse girl moms described something similar, I guess now I know…you were always meant to be this, weren’t you?” she started crying again.
“Mom…” she was crying again, too. Then her mom threw her arms around her, and leaned in close.
“Matsurida Gogh. My sweet Matsurida Gogh.”
