Chapter Text
The rain created such a heavy blanket that it nearly left Kylo blind. He stumbled through puddles so deep he could feel the water splashing up around his knees. His hood offered little solace against the bullets that continued to beat down on him from all directions. He hoped the blurry building in the distance was just the sanctuary and solution he needed, for more reasons than one.
Kylo held the small girl in his arms, tight against his chest in an attempt to better protect her from the rain, although she still felt like a small ball of fire in the chill. Sweat gathered on the back of his neck as he felt the situation grow increasingly desperate with each passing second. Lightning flashed wildly, followed by a deafening clap of thunder.
Kylo tripped into the wooden door, swinging it open in an instant and stumbling inside and finally out of the rain. With his back against the door and gulps of air finally entering his lungs, the man removed his hood and sought out his target. The room was just faintly lit by a fire burning in the small hearth.
“Kaydel!” He called into the distance, for she was nowhere to be found. Kylo could not waste a second more. He stepped forward and in one fell swoop, knocked all miscellaneous books and herbs from the long table near the fire and placed the small, shaking girl on the wood instead. Kylo pushed some of the dark strands away from her damp forehead and felt tears well up in his eyes at the sight of her.
“What are you doing here?” Kaydel’s voice came out in a hiss, from somewhere beyond Kylo could see.
“Please, Kaydel. Please.” It’s the only words Kylo thought to say; they came out shaky and broken as he looked down at his girl.
Kaydel stepped out of the shadows and into the firelight. She took one look at the girl and gasped in disgust, “Leave.”
“Kaydel-”
“She is Seren.” The woman seethed plainly.
“I know,” Kylo babbled. Tears ran wildly down his cheeks now, “but there must be something. Anything.”
Kaydel reached one of her bony fingers forward and tugged at the edge of the blanket the small girl was encased in. The woman gagged violently and retracted her hand. In the firelight, the glare she shared with Kylo was clear.
“The transition has already started, Kylo. I’m sorry.”
“No!” Kylo kicked one of the wooden chairs at the head of the table into a nearby wall, breaking off two of the legs. The man took heavy swallows, trying desperately to suppress his rage and remember what he came for.
The girl whined faintly. Kylo softened at the sight of her, just as he always did. He leaned over her and lightly stroked the edge of her hair. She would always be his girl; nothing would change that, not even this.
“You know what they’ll do to her,” Kylo whispered, not looking up at Kaydel.
“I do,” Kaydel said with no emotion in her voice.
“Then you must know that I won’t let them,” Kylo growled, finally meeting Kaydel’s eyes with a fury more powerful than hers.
“Kylo, you cannot save her. They’ll descend upon her before the sun is up tomorrow. I am honestly quite shocked you managed to bring her here unnoticed.” He could sense her resolve, softening ever so slightly. He took advantage of it.
“The rain,” he croaked. The emotion was back, threatening to spill out of him again. “Kaydel, please.”
The woman clenched her jaw tightly, but turned her head in an attempt to hold her ground. Kylo dropped to his knees and walked slowly on all fours to the woman, who went rigid as he neared. He knew the symbolism, the significance of a man of his stature, his status, on his knees and begging.
So he begged, “I love her.”
She slumped, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders and down her front. Kylo sniffled, leaning his head against her knees. It was enough.
“Wake her,” She sighed.
“Now?”
“Yes, now,” Kaydel hissed. She leaned forward over the table and breathed in deeply, testing the air. She coughed loudly at the smell.
“What happened, Kylo?” She asked the question but almost to herself – shaking her head in disappointment, “I gave you strict instructions on how to avoid her transition, and if you had followed them, she’d lead a perfectly normal life, but now she is truly damned.”
“It’s entirely my fault,” Kylo answered with his eyes low. He was completely ashamed of his negligence. “But surely she isn’t damned, Kaydel?”
Kaydel glared over her shoulder, her face looking fierce in the firelight. Kylo rose to approach the table, Kaydel moved in tandem. She moved some items around on the mantel of the fireplace, searching. Kylo thought she might be avoiding him, avoiding his presence, his scent.
He couldn’t hide it, despite how badly the young man wanted to fight it. Rey’s change had awoken something in him, something primal, something that was filling the very room. That very feeling, that very presence, is what inspired his next line of thinking.
“Afterall,” he cleared his throat. Knowing that the words would be wrong, but uttering them anyway, “couldn’t I just claim her?”
Kaydel’s shoulders froze. “This is just as I feared.” She shook her head to herself again. Kylo froze too, frightened by the words he’d just spoken. He had never viewed Rey in such a light, and in fact tried very hard to avoid thinking of her in such a way at all. But her smell filled the room, and her whimpers grew louder, and Kylo was getting anxious.
Kaydel turned to him, a few small bottles in her hands. “You and I both know, Kylo, that claiming her won’t do anything. Those are ancient rules, long forgotten and happily ignored. People like Rey are at the disposal of those who can dominate her, and as far as I am aware, that’s nearly everyone in this town.”
Kylo stumbled forward, his palms hardly catching him on the table. “Oh god, oh god. What have I done?”
“Wake her,” Kaydel said again. Kylo sniffled. “And stop your crying. You need to fuck her.”
Kylo’s heart skipped at the words, “What?”
Kaydel fought the grimace that dared to break across her face. “There is something I can try, Kylo. But it can only be done once, and since she’s already so far into the transition, she’ll need to be hurried along. Preferably before dawn, and everyone in town notices her smell seeping through the walls.”
“So I have to…” He trailed off. Scared to use such language about his girl.
“Fuck her, Kylo. And soon, because I don’t know how long she’ll need.” Kaydel’s tone was growing irritated. She gathered more supplies from a dark corner.
“She’ll need?” Kylo’s head had gone from tragedy to chaos. That deep, primal side, that new, unexplored desperation stirred and goaded him on. But the other side of him, the side that loved Rey, examined her small, bunched-up figure hidden under the blanket. Shaking, whimpering, seemingly ill. He couldn’t imagine doing something like that to her, especially not in this condition.
“She’ll need to come,” Kaydel grimaced, finally. She tried not to gag at the thought. “Well, maybe not. But most times coming is a good sign, it means she’s nearly transitioned if not fully.”
Rey whimpered, “Kaydel… I can’t.” He wanted to, but he couldn’t. It felt morally evil to take advantage of his girl, to use her, fuck her. For whatever reason. If she needed to come, Kylo thought, maybe she could do that without him having to hurt her.
Kaydel slammed her items onto the wooden table, some things skittering off onto the floor with delicate tinks. Her face furious now, “I’ve told you what needs to be done, now either you do it or leave.”
“She’s sick, Kaydel!” Kylo gestured to Rey, who stirred uncomfortably.
Kaydel threw her head back and cackled loudly. Kylo was almost horrified at the sound, taking a half step back.
“She isn’t sick, Kylo.” With one fell swoop, Kaydel pulled the edges of the blanket off the small girl's vibrating body. “She’s horny.”
Rey’s scent, so perfectly encased in that cloth, filled the room now. Sweet, like honey, Kylo thought. But something else, something earthy, thick almost. Something he couldn’t identify. Something that made him hard in his trousers.
He took an experimental step forward, breathing her deeper into his lungs and getting a better look at her in the low light. Her body twisted again, her legs squeezing together, another whimper following the motion. Her neck glowing in the flickers of fire, slick with sweat.
Kylo followed the sweat down to the flimsy top that had gotten horribly wrinkled and pulled awkwardly off to one side, and in any other situation, he’d look away in fear that she would accidentally become indecent. But the edges of her top hung so low and so awkwardly that it almost exposed one of her breasts, and just below the thin fabric of her shirt, her nipple was hard.
Kylo groaned unexpectedly. Kaydel shuddered at the sound, “Please try to make it quick, Kylo.”
He couldn’t hear her, only Rey. Who breathed rapidly and whimpered desperately, almost reacting the closer Kylo got to her. That smell, that unidentifiable layer to her scent, was driving him mad. His erection poked the wood of the table, his fingers found the skin of her calves.
Rey gasped, her back arching off the table and exasperated breaths escaping her mouth. Kaydel cringed away, settling into a dark corner until it was all over.
“Rey,” Kylo’s voice was unrecognizable. “Rey, darling. Wake up.”
She moaned, writhing on the table, her hands pulling at her clothes. Kylo could hear her heartbeat in the air. He pulled her, as gently as he could, toward him. Just close enough, her thighs encasing him ever so slightly. The fabric of her shorts barely made contact with his erection, but it was enough.
“I’m gonna fuck you, sweet girl.” He groaned out, “I’m going to make you come.” The words felt wrong coming out of him, especially in reference to Rey, but he was just repeating what Kaydel insisted on. And now, he wasn’t slightly opposed to the idea.
“Kylo,” Rey whimpered. Her eyes cracked open to peer at him. “What’s happening to me?” She begged.
“I’m going to fix it, baby. I promise.” Kylo leaned over her now, kissing her exposed neck, jaw, then aligning himself with her face. Breathing her in again and again.
“It hurts,” She whined. She bucked her hips impatiently. The assumed trembling from sickness had taken on a new life, once mistaken as a symptom of her seeming illness, Kylo now realized it was desperation. Her limbs visibly shaking, stretching, pulling for relief. Her hands found his shoulders and dug into the fabric of his shirt.
“Kylo,” she breathed. Her eyes were hazy, eyelids low, and pupils dilated. “Kylo, do something. Help me, I need, I need.” Her eyes squeezed closed, trying to concentrate on what she needed, but she couldn’t find it. She’d never felt like this before. Her entire body was alive with desire, but desire for what?
“I’ll help you, sweet girl.” Despite the ever-growing intensity in Kylo’s body, his heart, his love for this girl, would not be overpowered. He kissed her lips delicately, experimentally. Still worried she was in pain and he might make it worse.
Rey kissed back earnestly, sighing, parts of her body relaxing at the mild relief. Only to be replaced with an even deeper desire, for something else, something more. Her gut pinched angrily, causing her to cry out into Kylo’s parted lips. He held her close, cradling her, trying to shield her from the pain.
“Kylo,” tears formed now. The pain was unimaginable. “Please.”
Her smell was stronger now, and the desire was contagious. The more she begged, the more Kylo wanted to give it to her. Yet, he restrained himself, barely but enough. He loved her, he loved her so. His girl, she needed him, and he would not disappoint her, and he surely would not harm her.
Kylo had enough decency to remember that his girl was a flower, untouched, and delicate. And while the noble part of his brain felt wrong for even dreaming of stealing her virtue. The thought of her choosing him — of being the one she opened for — sent a brutal pulse of possessiveness through him, sharp enough to drown out his better judgment. But he wouldn’t ravage her, he’d treat her like the lady she was.
Kylo kissed Rey again, mouth opening instantly and licking inside of hers. She gasped contentedly, accepting and returning the licks with exuberance. He freed one of his arms from her hold and rubbed his palm along her body. Stopping to take her breast in his hand, and twisting the nipple between his two fingers. Rey whined.
Then his palm continued on, skating on the exposed skin of her stomach that was so warm it almost burned. Then further down, over her shorts, then between her legs. His hand closed over her, and he gasped at the feeling.
Wet, he realized, slick with something that gathered so intently it seeped through the fabric of her shorts. He brought the hand back up to his face and breathed, and finally could identify that hidden earthy smell that mixed with her pheromones. Desire, desperation, need. He could smell it so clearly now. It wasn’t enough.
He pulled his lips away from hers; she followed. Kylo’s hand pressed the middle of her chest back down onto the table. Despite her resistance, she wasn’t strong enough to fight him. Not now.
“Kylo, I want more.” The words came out almost like a question, her face pinched in confusion.
“I do too, baby.” He dropped to his knees again and pulled her by her thighs even closer to the edge of the table. He could see it now, the evidence of her need, dark and wet just inches away from his face. Kylo breathed in the scent, savoring it, allowing it to fill his lungs and fuel him.
Then his two hands found the edges of her shorts and pulled them apart, tearing them away right in the middle. Rey gasped, something rational and fragile causing her hands to reach down and cover herself. But Kylo was too quick, beating her hands, and instead placing long licks up her folds, trying to clean the wetness from between them.
Kylo sighed, licking again and again, never tasting enough. His hands trapped her thighs in place, and she squirmed, crying at the sensation, but he continued. Watching as her body moved, and arched when he licked over certain parts of her. Relishing the way her soft, delicate voice cried out, calling his name in between raspy breaths.
He kissed her, again and again, feeling as though he couldn’t get deep enough inside her to be satisfied. Mouth open, tongue flat, shaking his head back and forth experimentally. Rey screamed, her gut clenching and unclenching, relieved some but reeling more. She tasted so good, Kylo was almost shocked at how much he liked it. Drinking her, almost wanting to devour her with his teeth.
He closed his lips around her and sucked, with the intention of consuming as much of her as he could, and was met with her very own primal noises. Different than the ones of desperation, this one was as if it said yes please. And he obliged, flicking his tongue back and forth until those noises were the only ones filling the room.
Kaydel, who had busied herself with slowly assembling the mixture she’d later need, stopped for a moment and examined the pair curiously. He meant it, she realized. Her eyebrows rose as she considered that Kylo, really did, truly love her. Any other lofty man of his status, despite his role in Rey’s life, would surely be torturing her by now. Tear her apart, taking, and violent. Kylo, however, was magnanimous.
Gentle, even, caring. She watched as he listened to her, caressed her, pleased her. Having only done this ritual twice before, both times they had been heedless. Screams of pain and sometimes even blood. Such was the nature of their roles, something that repulsed Kaydel but elicited a somber understanding. And yet, she’d never seen a valen man kneel before a seren, and devour her so sweetly. It struck Kaydel, strangely and warmly, somehow.
The more Rey arched and cried, the more Kylo wanted to give in. Those primal instincts — the urge to dominate – it was nearly impossible to ignore. His instincts rose up, insistent and merciless, pressing against the discipline he’d spent years perfecting. It urged him to take more, to satisfy himself. But Rey’s fragile body, bent so precariously on the wood of the table, gave him pause. The sight of her writhing in pain, that was his driving motivation. If not to satisfy her, then who else?
He didn’t matter. He needs his instincts; that monster begging so desperately to be released was nothing to the way Rey begged him to relieve her. To stop her pain, like he was the only one who could. Kylo could never hurt her, even if some buried part of him wanted to stop asking and simply take, he would fight it. All for her.
Rey’s legs locked around Kylo’s head, her grunts morphing into high-pitched squeaks, her body vibrating excitedly on the wood of the table. Kaydel steadied herself. The ritual may be the fastest she’s ever done – based on Rey’s cries – it’d be over momentarily. The quickness caught the woman off guard, and she clumsily began to gather her items in her hands.
Something urged Kylo, begged him to stop. Rey’s hands dug into his hair, pulling at the root, forcing his mouth to move in whatever direction she so pleased. It was intoxicating, her smell, her sound, her desperation so potent that if she pulled out hairs at the root, the man would never complain. Yet, the voice – the command – grew louder and stronger until finally, he pulled away from the trembling girl.
Rey let out a sob, her body collapsing in frustration. Kaydel stalled, mid-step, watching curiously. Kylo, unsure of why he’d been called to stop his relentless pleasures, stood between Rey’s legs – examining her.
“Kylo,” Rey cried. Her tears collected at the edges of her hairline, mixing with the line of sweat that accumulated there. She looked so pitiful, Kylo thought. Like she was in so much pain. And she was. That pleasure, that delicious and victorious feeling, had been tightening her gut again and again until she was throbbing. Until she was almost completely spent – and Kylo stopped. He couldn’t say why.
He could guess. The beast inside of him snarled, goading him to take. He could, if he so pleased. There, Rey lies, spread open and willing. Her body tightened helplessly, trembling with a need neither of them had words for. He could give it to her; he wanted to give it to her. Except, she was his girl, his princess, his Rey.
They’d grown together, lived together, become friends even – despite their difference in rank. He loved her, and he knew she loved him. Maybe not the way he loved her, but love all the same. He devoted his life to her, to protecting her, serving her, and yet. He could not defile her – rob this poor quaking girl of her virtue to satisfy some petty animalistic desire. He could never forgive himself.
But should he fail, what would become of her? Everything she’d earned, her whole life here, with him – it would be reduced to nothing. She would be reduced to nothing. They would take her, his heart clenched at the thought of never seeing her again. At the thought of what they might do to someone like her.
“Take me Kylo,” Rey sighed. Her eyes still looked cloudy, but behind that haze – a spark. She didn’t fully know where the words came from.
“I can’t,” he spat. Not at her, at the beast who wanted to lunge at the opportunity. Yet, his heart pulled at her words, her tone, speaking things to a version of him that she would never have. Shameful, he criticized himself, collapsing onto his forearms. Rey’s head leaned onto his. She placed a sweet kiss on the side of his hair. He didn’t deserve this; he didn’t deserve her.
“Kylo,” she whispered. “Kylo, look at me.” He clenched his eyes, fearful to even move. His confidence was wavering, and whatever instinct that may have been driving him before seemed quiet now. She really was damned, he realized. He’d failed her twice.
“Kylo,” Rey chuckled, sounding almost like herself. Kylo turned his head lazily to examine her face, suddenly clear – her eyes bright but soft. Her lips turned up in that gentle smile he’d grown so fond of. He’d do anything to undo all of this, to save her. He loved her, he loved her, and he wanted to say it to her, but his words failed him. He hoped his eyes conveyed the message his voice could not.
“I love you, Kylo.” She whispered, “I have always loved you. Only you.”
His insides quivered, not with desire, but with something deeper. Something more potent, more lethal than whatever ancient instinct dared him to act. It was stronger than the beast; in fact, it lulled him to sleep. Still, Kylo fought the feeling all the same. For the feeling, no matter how glorious, was momentary. He would not yield to such fleeting desires.
She could not love him. “You can’t mean that.” Surely whatever instinct, animalistic or not, that had been driving Kylo was at the very least influencing Rey. She hadn’t been so lucky as to be relentlessly trained and tortured, primed to fight against those urges. To ignore them in the name of nobility, to refuse them in the face of honor. He had to fight for both of them.
Her hand cupped his chin; he suddenly noticed how steady her body had become. All signs of trembling gone, minus the occasional shiver in her legs. Her eyes glowed in the lowlight, the clearest he’d seen them in hours. Her face was gentle but stern.
Her cheeks pink with emotion as she spoke, “Since the day you swore yourself to me, I’ve loved you.”
“Rey-” Kylo tried to pull away, but her second hand cupped the other side of his face, holding him in place.
“I know I shouldn’t,” she continued. “And believe me, I have tried not to. But as the years passed, my fondness for you has only grown. I am embarrassed to admit that whenever I’ve pictured it…” Rey trailed off thoughtfully, her lip pulled between her teeth. “I thought of you.”
Kylo’s body responded in kind to her admission, “I love you, too.” The room grew impossibly warmer. His hands found her face, her neck, trailing his fingers anywhere they could reach.
“Don’t fight it, Kylo,” she whispered. Her body was quivering again, “It is not desire that influences me. It is love.”
Kylo kissed her again, with a different force. Not one of sporadic and increasing desire, suppressing something feral – suffocating it with the love he could no longer ignore. His entire world, his heart, in his arms and begging to be his. A notion once so preposterous to the man, he feared he might be dreaming.
The feeling of Rey’s hands on his shirt, tugging at the material and urging him to remove it, reminded him; she is here, and she loves him. Impossible, he thought. But it wasn’t the primal urges that coaxed him to remove his trousers; it was Rey, who watched him as the haze returned to her vision, but the love could not be hidden. He could see it just as clearly. Sparkling behind the clouds of desperation that emboldened her.
Her hands cupped his shoulders as he returned to her body, nothing separating them now. He kissed her neck, her collar bone, kissed the flesh of her breast, stopping to pull her nipple between his teeth. The noises he invoked were so delicate, like a song, he’d kiss her everywhere just to keep her singing.
When his eyes leveled with hers again, he stalled. Could he do this? Could he, in good conscience, take Rey’s virtue, even if the cause were considered Valen? Even if she loved him back?
“It has to be you, Kylo.” Rey ran her hands through his hair, bringing him back to her. “I don’t want anyone else to have me.”
He didn’t want anyone else to have her either – the thought used to torment him, bring him great shame. Now, however, it fueled him. His hand skated down to one of her thighs, pulling it a little higher as he settled himself deeper between her hips. The tip of his erection nestled perfectly at her opening.
She shuddered, “Gentle, please.”
“Always, Princess.” Then he sank into her, slowly, feeling the resistance as her walls stretched impossibly to accommodate him. She gasped, her fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders to keep from screaming.
He held her back, one of his arms skating behind her shoulders so he could press her against his chest. She whimpered against him, her thighs shaking and squeezing around his hips, trying to stop the pain. He kissed away the tears at the corner of her eyes as he pushed himself deeper, deeper – until she yelped.
“It’s too much,” Rey squealed. “It hurts t-too much.” Her jaw trembled, her teeth chattering quietly. Kylo rubbed his head against hers sympathetically, using his other hand to stroke the back of her hair.
“K-kiss me,” she whispered. Kylo obliged, tilting his face to meet hers and kissing her gently. Her hands cupped his face, rubbing his cheeks until her fingers found his hair.
This was going to be a lot more complicated than Kaydel originally thought. The connection, the dynamic, the love between the two of them was going to be nearly impossible to stop. The other times, it’d taken force and sometimes a disorienting mixture of some kind to pull the prime from the yielded, but this would take something else. Something stronger.
Those ancient instincts being fueled not by biology but by love were even harder to curve, harder to stop. And if Kylo claimed Rey, this would all be for naught. Kaydel may as well have signed their execution into law. Clumsy, and as quietly as she could, Kaydel searched for more herbs and powders. She tried to think up something quickly that would stop Kylo at a moment's notice, but not harm him. She would already have to hurt Rey, and wanted that to be enough.
Rey sighed, her tight spine relaxing just slightly, so Kylo could bury himself a little deeper inside of her. Kylo continued to kiss her, soothe her, drink her in so that she didn’t focus on the pain. Both of his hands fell to her breasts, cupping them, rolling them, and then pulling her taut nipples between his fingers.
She gasped, settling further and further, inch by inch. The pain dulled, from a sharp twinge into an aching throb.
“More,” she breathed against his mouth. Kylo listened, pushing himself further between her hips. She cried out against him, but didn’t resist. Allowing Kylo to sink as far as he could, until his hips rested against her pelvic bone, completely inside her.
“Good job, baby.” Kylo pressed his lips to her hair as she settled into him. Waiting for her spine to loosen and her breathing to slow, she finally had the strength to move. She kissed his neck.
“Are you okay, sweet girl?” Rey nodded against him. Kylo responded with a lazy thrust of his hips, slow and small. Rey squeaked, her fingernails sinking into his skin again. He waited, kissing the top of her head, the side of her face, her ear, her cheek, and then her lips. When she sighed into him, he tried again, slower this time. Pulling himself out all the way to the tip, then sinking slowly inside her again.
Rey whimpered, the pain dulling even more as he massaged himself into her. It was relieving to him as her body calmed around him. He wanted to end her pain, remembering how her face twisted in agony just moments ago – begging for his help. Now it was his only purpose to get rid of that pain for her. To help her, to please her, no matter the cost.
“Kylo,” Rey gasped as he pushed himself inside of her again. Her head fell against the wood of the table as her body gave in, shaking again with that impossible need. Her smell, which had already flooded the room, seemed stronger again, enveloping him as his hips quickened.
“Oh god,” she moaned. “Oh, Kylo!”
Her cries of delight encouraged him, his hips rolling to meet hers as they lifted off the table, begging him to push inside of her as deep as he could. That feeling from before, when he was tasting her, like it wasn’t enough. Like his tongue wouldn’t satisfy his need to devour her, only the gratification of sinking his teeth into her would’ve been enough. That feeling returned now.
Except it wasn’t a need to consume her, it was the need to fill her, to claim her. To ensure she smelled of him. To ensure she wanted no one other than him. To make her well and truly his. A groan escaped him as the feeling surged through him, a dull throbbing at the base of his spine.
Acting on impulse, or instinct, he couldn’t know – he grabbed one of Rey’s legs and hooked it higher, until her foot was over his shoulder and he pushed himself even deeper. Meeting the resistance of her cervix, which coaxed a high-pitched cry from Rey.
He slowed, watching her contorted face until her eyebrows settled and her eyes glazed over again. Pulling all the way out and then burying himself to the hilt inside her walls, pressing against her cervix again. This time, the cries were from pleasure.
Kylo’s pace quickened again, until his hips were meeting hers with such force that the cries from her came in tandem, like a melody. Rey writhed underneath him, her back lifting and eyes rolling as that delicious, intoxicating feeling from before returned. Relief, she realized, relief from the pain that brought her here. Kylo was going to stop the pain in the most extraordinary way possible.
“K-Kylo,” she squeaked from beneath him. She didn’t have to say anything; he could tell by the tightness in her voice. She was going to come. And he wanted to see it. Kylo pulled away from her, causing her to whimper, but his hips didn’t stop. The lack of warmth of his body long forgotten as the relentless pounding of his skin into hers continued.
Her leg was still up, her foot resting against his chest now as he stood, and fucked her into oblivion. Her hands wrapped around the edges of the table on either side of her, her body contorting, her jaw opening and closing as that pressure buzzed in her lower belly. Her insides clenched, again, again, faster with more intensity each time.
Rey’s head rolled from one side, then the other, then her head shot back, pressing the top of her hair into the wood of the table, exposing the length of her throat as she cried out. It seemed almost impossible that the pressure could keep building, pulsing, aching to a point that tears began to form in her eyes.
Then, her insides jolted around Kylo, stuttering, and her gasps became broken, and her body twitched and vibrated – the pressure exploded. Rey screamed into the night at her release. Kylo’s name escaped from her lips in an endless chorus of gratitude, relief that he’d finally taken away her pain. Leaving euphoria in its wake.
Kylo lifted her other leg, desperate now for his own release. The ache in his lower spine was impossible to ignore, begging him to fill Rey with everything he could. Only to be pulled back, his body stumbling until his spine came in contact with the wood of the cabin walls. He growled, searching for his assailant. Kaydel leaped, clapping a hand over his mouth in an explosion of herbs and dust. Kylo gasped, breathing in some of the foreign mixture, then coughing as some of the particles hit the back of his throat.
His knees weakened, and his resolve clouded impossibly. His body sank against the wall, just a few feet from the table, and he watched Kaydel kneel between Rey’s legs. He couldn’t see exactly what she was doing, only violent shoves and retching of her shoulders as she worked.
Rey’s soft cries of pleasure stopped suddenly, as she attempted to thrash as the imposter who placed herself between her legs – but to no avail. Her body was rendered useless in the aftermath of her release. Then, the pain started, a different one. Like she was on fire from the inside out. A terrible scream tore through her throat.
“Stop!” Kylo’s body tensed; he tried to force himself up only to collapse again. Rey sobbed, her throat going raw at the intensity of her screams. Kaydel continued, pulling, pushing, reaching for a bottle and dumping the contents into her hand, and that hand disappeared between Rey’s legs. Rey screamed again.
“Kaydel!” Kylo demanded, “You’re hurting her!”
Kaydel stood abruptly, carrying another bottle in her hands. Kylo’s eyes widened in shock and horror at the blood that gathered between Rey’s legs. Rey swiped her limbs lamely at the woman as she rounded to meet her face, bottle held delicately between her thumb and forefinger.
“Please,” Rey sobbed. “Please don’t do this.”
“Quiet,” Kaydel hissed. “I’m helping you.” She pinched the girl's chin roughly to steady her face and pressed the lip of the bottle to her mouth. Rey protested, her head turning away.
Kaydel’s eyes softened slightly at her, “I know it hurts.” This gave Rey pause.
“This will get rid of that pain,” she promised. Rey’s eyes swelled with tears, but the promise of the burning going away was enough for her to concede, her mouth opening to accept the liquid. Almost immediately, her eyelids fluttered, and her head lolled to one side. Then her entire body slumped. Kaydel placed her head delicately against the table.
Kylo still could not stand, but had enough strength to pull himself closer to the table, his eyes peering over the edge to watch more blood ooze from inside of Rey. The weakness returned, collapsing onto the ground.
“What did you do?” He whispered.
“I saved her life,” Kaydel spat. “Get up.” She kicked at Kylo’s thigh.
“I cannot,” Kylo glared at her.
Kaydel rolled her eyes, “Yes, you can. The physical effects from the powder should be gone. Any weakness you possess now is your own.”
Kylo rolled experimentally to one side, then pushed himself up onto his knees with his arms. They were wobbly and unsteady, but he could use them now. Kaydel tossed his clothes at his chest and turned away from him while he dressed, slowly, watching Rey’s unconscious face the entire time.
Once dressed, he walked to the end of the table again to examine the blood, which had stopped flowing from inside of her, but still collected in a small puddle. It made him sick with grief. He did this to her. If only he’d listened to Kaydel’s warnings from before, followed the regimen she’d strictly instructed him to use – they wouldn’t be here. She would be in perfect health, virtue still intact. Shame washed over him.
“Everything you need to help her through this is in this bag,” Kaydel dropped it onto the table next to one of Rey’s thighs that lay awkwardly across the wood. “She’ll be seemingly ill for a few days – tell anyone who asks that it's scarlet fever. She best not be around anyone at the moment, as they will surely notice the smell.”
Kylo’s eyes remain trained on Rey’s wound, “The smell?”
“It will be strongest the first few days, but will eventually settle. However, she will smell different from now on.” Kaydel placed another bag on the table.
“Different?” His face contorted at the thought of another physical reminder of what he’d done, taunting him for as long as she lived. She wouldn’t smell like herself anymore.
“Yes, Kylo, she’s transitioned.”
Kylo’s eyes snapped up at this, “But you said-”
“I can’t stop a transition, Kylo, once it’s started. I can prevent them until the day a lowborn dies, but that requires strict and precise following of my instructions.” Kaydel’s eyes narrowed, and Kylo lowered his head in shame.
“What I’ve just done sort of clogs the receptors, or melts them – however you view it.”
“What?!” Kylo shouted.
“Relax, Kylo, all will be well. No permanent damage will come of what I’ve done; all it does is shock her system into a sort of suppression. The only real indicator that something has changed will be the slight change in her smell, which you will remedy with what I’ve provided in this bag.” She gestured at the second wool sack.
“Along with a new remedy of herbs that she will need to take religiously, without fail, in order for this suppression to hold. Do you understand?” Kylo nodded solemnly.
“How will she ever forgive me?” He whispered, looking again at the blood between her legs and shuddering.
“You needn’t worry about that either. When she wakes, she will be none the wiser to what's transpired here tonight. She will wake tomorrow ill, rest for a few days, then be back to her normal self.”
“She’ll forget all of this?” Kylo’s voice cracked at the realization. The idea of her forgetting the pain gave him some reprieve, but her confession. Their love, that would be gone too.
“I want to forget too,” Kylo said. His eyes, dark and stern, met Kaydel’s.
Her mouth twisted into a frown, “You cannot, Kylo.”
“Why not?”
“Because Kylo, she’s changed. She will have episodes still, similar to this one, but not as intense – and she will be searching for relief. You can give that to her, in fact, you must give that to her.”
Kylo shook his head violently, “I cannot. I cannot do that to her again-”
“You must!” Kaydel shouted. “Kylo, if someone, anyone claims her – the suppression will dissolve, and she will be exposed. Do you see that?” Kaydel gestured to the mess between Rey’s legs.
“This time, there will be no permanent damage done to your poor princess,” Kaydel’s voice dripped with disgust at the pet name. “But I cannot do this ritual again, Kylo. The damage will be irreversible and unbearable for her. Trust there will be no remedy for the pain next time, and she will certainly wish for death in the face of it.”
Kylo gulped, “Kaydel-”
“You came into my home and begged me to save her – did I not do that for you? Twice now?” Her eyes were wild, alive with rage.
He nodded. His body felt like it might collapse again, the weakness new and powerful at the realization of what he’d done to his poor girl. How he would be doomed to remember every excruciating detail, and she would be completely ignorant of his indiscretions. She would forget that, despite how much he loved her, he stole from her.
“What about when she marries?” Kaydel’s head tilted at the question, “How can I prevent her future husband from claiming her?”
Kaydel laughed at that, “That, my friend, is not my problem to solve.” The guilt, and grief, and worry, and pain all collided inside of Kylo. Weighing him down, making him sick. How would he manage this? How would he pretend tomorrow as if none of this had happened?
“Try not to look so distraught,” Kaydel said. “She may offer her virtue to you again when those urges return.”
Kylo shook his head in disgust, “Give me something to clean her with.” Kaydel stood with her arms crossed, unmoving.
“Now!” He demanded. Kaydel jumped lightly at the sound of his voice, her arms coming to her sides. Sighing, she retreated to the shadows, appearing again with a wet cloth hanging from her palm. Kylo snatched it from her.
A lump lodged in his throat as he began to wipe away the blood from her skin. Some of it is already thick and sticking to the creases of her legs. He pulled her skin apart delicately, trying not to disrupt her sleep as he rubbed away at the red. Tears shamefully spilled over his eyelids as he worked and mourned. Nothing would ever be the same, even if her true nature had been concealed; he would never get her back.
The rag was pink when he finished cleaning her skin. He dropped it carelessly on the floor. She seemed too exposed now, and he found a new reason to loathe himself at the realization that her shorts were completely ruined. There was no way to cover up what he’d done to her.
“She needs clothes,” he croaked.
“Oh, please,” Kaydel snapped. “Just wrap her up in that blanket, she’ll be fine.”
“Only for her to wake tomorrow and discover her shorts torn to shreds with streaks of blood along the seams?”
Kaydel groaned, disappearing again, longer this time, and returning with a single article of clothing. Grumbling to herself, she slammed the night gown into Kylo’s waiting palm.
“I save her, use my most expensive remedies on her, and now she leaves in my clothing. Fitting, I guess.” Kylo dressed the unconscious girl carefully. Tossing her ruined shorts and top into the fire, wanting to remove this night from existence. Wanting to burn it all.
Once the night gown settled all the way down her body, stopping at her thighs, he felt some relief. She looked almost peacefully asleep, back to the way she was before he ruined her. He wrapped her in the blanket, softly but tightly. The rain had stopped hours ago, but he wanted to conceal her from the cool night.
“Leave,” Kaydel demanded. “If you run, you might make it back before the knocker begins his rounds. I can’t imagine what might come of you caught with her like that.”
Kylo nodded, gathering Rey into his arms, who sighed into his chest. His heart ached. Kaydel opened the door; it was still dark, but just off in the distance, the first streaks of day dipped into the midnight – he didn’t realize how much time had passed. He tucked Rey closer to his chest protectively, bracing himself, ready to run.
He stopped short of the threshold, “Thank you, Kaydel.” He said softly. She did save Rey, and he was grateful for that.
“Do not turn up with her in my home, ever again.” Kaydel's eyes were steel and jaw locked; she meant it. This would be the last time. Kaydel held out the two sacks, Kylo grabbed them, and then returned his arm to cradle Rey. The sacks dangled from his fingers as he ran.
He took the same route he had taken before, through alleyways and behind homes – dashing through the sideyards just as servants began to open windows and back doors, preparing for the day. Most were still waking up, completely unbothered and unaware of Kylo’s nearly silent footsteps as he dashed onward.
Any who may have seen him wouldn’t have recognized him or Rey. He ensured her face was pressed against his chest, her hair concealed by the blanket – and his own identity tucked deep into the hood of his cloak. He chased the night, as the first rays of sunshine began to lash at his heels.
He feared he wasn’t going to make it until the large gate came into view and urged him forward, his lungs burning and thighs quaking from the relentless pace. He rounded the backside of the gate and almost shouted in excitement when he saw the small trap door still ajar; normally reserved for animals, it was just big enough for him to slide under on his knees. Rey didn’t even move as he lunged onto his feet again and dashed up the yard.
The castle was still cloaked in darkness, the sun having not beaten Kylo here. He sighed in relief at the sight of the small woman who paced back and forth just along the brick wall, concealed from any windows. She snapped up immediately at the sound of his approach, her arms shooting up in surprise.
“You’re back,” Leia breathed. She stepped forward, examining Rey inside the blanket. “Did it work?”
Kylo nodded his head, “Oh, thank heavens! Oh, thank you!” Leia’s knees wobbled, her already crinkled eyes pinching with emotion.
“Hurry, the servants will begin their work soon.” Leia ushered the pair inside, just as the sun began to break past the gate. Through a small hidden opening, just on the side of the castle, Leia urged them as quickly and quietly as they could up the hidden staircase. Her pace was almost quicker than Kylo’s as she led the way, ready to deter any wandering eyes – but they were lucky. Either no servants were up yet, or none chose this staircase, for every door they passed remained closed until they were right outside the one they needed to enter.
“Let me check first,” Leia whispered. She opened the door and hurried out, disappearing around the corner. Kylo waited anxiously, every noise making his heart beat outrageously. When Leia reappeared and waved him on, he began his furious ramble.
“She’s transitioned,” Leia’s eyes widened in horror. They continued their walk, “It’s suppressed, no one will know, not even her. But she’ll smell different, at first really strongly, but then it will settle. We are to say she’s sick with scarlet fever, she needs to be isolated until her smell becomes bearable."
“Bearable,” Leia hissed. “The King will notice a change in his daughter's smell.”
“Kaydel gave me something for that. And other things, for her illness. Symptoms of the suppression." Kylo held the sacks a little higher; glass tinked inside of them.
Leia nodded, “By gods, she may do work of the devil, but that woman has a solution for everything.”
When they approached the two double doors, Leia pushed them open quietly, stepping inside and waiting for Kylo to follow. When he was inside, she closed the doors behind them. Kylo approached the bed, still in disarray from the night before. His body radiated shame again. He placed Rey in the spot he found her, releasing the blanket from her body.
Leia’s eyes flashed with something at the sight of the night gown, noting it was not the sleep clothes the girl had left in. She snapped her head at Kylo expectantly.
A lump formed. “There was a ritual. Her clothes were ruined – burned to destroy the smell.” And the memory, he thought.
Leia nodded, her lips pressed into a thin line, still not fully convinced but conceding anyway. She waved her hands, ushering him away.
“Return to your post, Sir Kylo. I will stay here and tend to her.” Leia wobbled until she found a seat, just a few feet from Rey’s bed. He spared her one more glance before nodding and turning sharply on his feet to exit.
Just a few doors down, around the corner from the room he’d left behind, he entered his own quarters. He stared longingly at his bed and thought of closing his eyes for just a moment. But steeled himself, afraid of what horrors he would dream up. The picture of Rey screaming in agony and the blood between her legs was enough to keep him standing.
Instead, he lifted the first pieces of his armor and began to unceremoniously strap himself into metal. Starting with his legs and working upward, he tried not to think of Rey’s smell and how it would be different. He tried not to think about how she called for him, begged for him as he slipped his chest plate on. Or how he tossed her clothes into the fire to rid himself of his disgrace.
Her words rang in his ears as he sheathed his sword at his hip. I love you, Kylo.
Words she would never remember. Words he would be doomed to never forget. A few servants were beginning to walk the halls as he exited his room, but paid him no mind as he lugged down the hall. His feet slow and heavy, those double doors came into view again, and his heart ached.
I have always loved you. Kylo placed himself outside her room, back at his post. Only you.
Somehow, he forced himself to stand guard for the Princess, who could never love him.