Chapter Text
The first time Wenlang sees Gao Tu's morning sickness, it's almost entirely by accident. They still aren't at the stage where they sleep together.
Not really.
Wenlang stays over late sometimes after work, especially now that Gao Tu gets tired more easily, but he sleeps in the guest room down the hall and leaves early enough in the morning that the apartment still feels mostly like Gao Tu's space rather than something shared.
It's careful and a little awkward. Soft in ways neither of them fully acknowledges aloud.
And maybe that's why Gao Tu panics so badly when it happens.
The nausea wakes him before sunrise.At first it's only uncomfortable enough that he thinks he can ignore it. He lies still beneath the blankets, eyes barely open, one hand resting unconsciously over the small swell of his stomach beneath his sleep shirt while he breathes slowly through the unpleasant heaviness twisting inside him.
The bump is still small.
Subtle enough most people probably wouldn't notice beneath his clothes but Gao Tu notices it constantly.
Especially lately.
Partly because his body feels different now. Partly because Wenlang has apparently decided feeding him is a full-time occupation.
Gao Tu has genuinely never met someone so aggressively determined to make another person eat.
There are snacks in his room now. Hot soup waiting and a freshly cut fruit in the refrigerator.
Warm meals appearing before Gao Tu even realizes he's hungry. It's ridiculous and completely unreasonable but unfortunately effective.
His face has softened slightly over the past few months. The sharpness around his waist slowly replaced by gentler curves. Even the tiny swell beneath his shirt has become more visible recently, enough that Gao Tu sometimes catches himself staring at mirrors in mild disbelief.
None of that matters right now though. Because the nausea suddenly worsens.
Violently.
Gao Tu's eyes widen immediately.
"Oh no"
He throws the blankets aside and practically stumbles out of bed.
His bedroom doesn't have an attached bathroom, which suddenly feels like the cruelest architectural decision ever made.
The hallway spins slightly as he rushes toward the bathroom down the corridor, one hand pressed tightly against his mouth.
He barely reaches the sink in time. The sound that follows is awful in the quiet apartment.
Humiliatingly loud.
Gao Tu grips the edge of the counter hard, breathing unevenly afterward while nausea continues twisting painfully through his stomach. His hair falls messily into his face. His throat burns. His entire body feels shaky and weak in a way he absolutely hates.
Then, a door opens down the hall.
Gao Tu freezes in horror.
Footsteps approach quickly afterward.
"...Gao Tu?"
Wenlang's voice sounds rough with sleep.
Oh god.
No.
Absolutely not.
"Don't come in" Gao Tu says immediately, voice strained and hoarse.
The footsteps pause.
Silence hangs there for approximately two seconds before Wenlang ignores him completely and opens the bathroom door anyway.
Warm hallway light spills softly across the tiles.
Gao Tu wants the earth to swallow him whole.
He's still bent slightly over the sink, one arm wrapped protectively around his stomach while he tries unsuccessfully to recover what little dignity remains.
Wenlang takes in the scene instantly and to Gao Tu's growing confusion.
His expression only softens. Not even a flicker of disgust crosses his face. No discomfort nor awkwardness.
Just immediate concern as he walks closer carefully, like approaching something fragile.
"You throw up"
Gao Tu lets out a weak humorless laugh.
"What gave it away?"
Wenlang ignores the sarcasm entirely.
"Did you throw up everything?"
"...I don't know"
"Dizzy?"
"A little."
Wenlang reaches for him then pauses briefly, like he's remembering himself halfway through the movement.
"...Can I?"
The question catches Gao Tu off guard completely. Even now, Wenlang still asks. Still careful with him. Still treating touch like something that should be given permission first.
Gao Tu swallows faintly before nodding once.
Immediately, Wenlang's hand settles lightly against the middle of his back. Warm and steady.
The touch moves slowly upward once before returning down again in quiet soothing motions. Something painful twists inside Gao Tu's chest.
He still having a bit of a hard times accepting gentleness like this.
"I probably look terrible" Gao Tu mutters weakly, staring stubbornly into the sink instead of at him.
"You look exhausted"
"That's a very robotic answer"
"You want honesty?"
Gao Tu narrows his eyes slightly. "...No"
A quiet sound escapes Wenlang then.
Not quite laughter.
Just something soft and warm enough to make Gao Tu's ears heat embarrassingly fast.
Wenlang reaches past him for a clean towel before wetting it carefully beneath cool water.
Then, without hesitation, he gently presses it against the back of Gao Tu's neck.
The cold makes Gao Tu inhale sharply.
"Better?"
"...A little"
The nausea still lingers unpleasantly, but weaker now.
His body feels strangely heavy afterward though, exhaustion settling deep into his bones.
Wenlang notices immediately.
"You should sit down"
"I'm fine"
"You almost ran into the hallway wall"
"...I was moving quickly"
"You were moving like a penguin"
Gao Tu finally risks looking at him then.
Big mistake.
Wenlang still looks half asleep, dark hair slightly messy from bed, loose shirt wrinkled from sleep, but his attention remains entirely focused on Gao Tu with that same steady quiet patience he always has lately.
Just concern soft enough to ache and somehow that becomes the thing that finally cracks Gao Tu's composure a little.
Because pregnancy has been terrifying in ways he never expected.
His body changing. His emotions constantly slipping out of control. The vulnerability of needing help and beneath all of it, this awful lingering fear that eventually Wenlang will realize Gao Tu is too difficult to deal with like this.
Yet here Wenlang is at dawn standing barefoot on cold bathroom tiles holding a damp towel against Gao Tu's neck like there's nowhere else he would rather be.
"...You don't have to stay" Gao Tu says quietly.
Wenlang's brows pull together immediately.
"It's been 3 months already enough with the 'you don't have to stay' bullshit. Also why would I leave?"
The answer comes so naturally that GaoTu almost doesn't know how to respond.
His throat tightens faintly.
Wenlang studies him for another long moment before speaking again, voice softer this time.
"Was this what you were worried about?"
GaoTu looks away immediately. That alone is answer enough. Something in Wenlang's expression shifts then.
Something gentler. Understanding maybe.
He reaches up carefully, brushing a few strands of hair back away from Gao Tu's face where they've stuck messily against his skin.
"You're carrying our child" Wenlang says quietly.
The words still make Gao Tu's heartbeat stumble every single time. Wenlang's thumb pauses briefly near his temple before falling away again.
"You think I'm going to be disgusted because you throw up ?"
When Gao Tu doesn't answer, Wenlang exhales softly through his nose.
Then, unexpectedly ne leans down just slightly until their foreheads almost touch.
Not quite.
Just close enough that GaoTu feels the warmth of his breath.
"You're very bad at understanding how precious you are to me" Wenlang murmurs.
GaoTu's entire brain stops functioning. Completely. The bathroom suddenly feels far too small.
Far too warm.
His face burns instantly while Wenlang simply pulls back afterward like he didn't just casually destroy every coherent thought GaoTu possesses before sunrise.
"...You say weird things when people are nauseous" GaoTu whispers weakly.
Wenlang looks entirely unrepentant.
"Can you walk back to your room?"
GaoTu stares at him for a long moment before finally letting out the tiniest exhausted laugh.
"...Probably"
"Good"
Wenlang looks down once toward the way Gao Tu is still subtly leaning against the bathroom counter for support.
"...Mhm"
Gao Tu narrows his eyes immediately. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means" Wenlang says calmly, "stop pretending you're fine especially when you're not"
"I am fine, it's just a little bit morning sickness"
"You were fighting with gravity"
"That's so dramatic "
"You're dramatic"
GaoTu lets out a soft offended noise, already preparing a rebuttal when another wave of dizziness rolls unpleasantly through him the second he pushes himself fully upright.
His expression changes immediately.
Wenlang notices at once.
Before GaoTu can react, one arm slides carefully behind his back while the other hooks beneath his knees.
Then suddenly, the floor disappears.
GaoTu gasps quietly in shock as Wenlang lifts him effortlessly into a bridal carry.
"...Wenlang!"
The protest comes out far weaker than intended. Mostly because his brain completely short-circuits from the abrupt closeness.
Warmth surrounds him instantly. One of Wenlang's hands supports securely beneath his legs while the other steadies his back with infuriating ease, like carrying him is the most natural thing in the world.
GaoTu's ears burn so hot he's convinced they're visible in the dark hallway.
"I can walk" he whispers aggressively.
"You can wobble"
"That is slander"
"You walked into a wall"
"It was one wall"
Wenlang begins walking out of the bathroom without even pretending to consider putting him down.
Gao Tu should protest harder.
Three months ago, he absolutely would have. Three months ago, he would've already demanded to be released immediately out of sheer embarrassment alone.
But now he only grips lightly at the front of Wenlang's shirt, face warm while exhaustion drags heavily through his limbs and embarrassingly enough, this feels nice.
The realization alone makes him want to hide inside a cabinet permanently.
The apartment remains dim and quiet around them, soft rain tapping against distant windows while Wenlang carries him steadily through the hallway without the slightest sign of strain.
Then slowly, through the lingering nausea haze, GaoTu realizes something.
This is not the direction of his bedroom.
His brows knit together immediately.
"...Wait"
Wenlang keeps walking.
"This isn't-"
"I know"
"You're going the wrong way"
"A-Tu"
GaoTu blinks.
Wenlang continues down the hallway completely unbothered.
"My room have a bathroom, so it'll be easier if you want to throw up again" he says simply. "Stop.arguing"
GaoTu stares at him in stunned silence for approximately three seconds.
"You're kidnapping me"
"It's my house"
"You're still kidnapping me emotionally"
Wenlang opens his bedroom door one-handed.
"You're very talkative for someone who almost threw up twice"
"You're being mean Wenlang..."
"Hm"
GaoTu's face grows warmer as Wenlang walks inside.
The room smells faintly like Iris and clean linen, dimly lit by the small bedside lamp still left on from earlier. Unlike GaoTu's room, Wenlang's has an attached bathroom just a few steps away.
Annoyingly practical.
Which means Gao Tu has absolutely no logical argument against this. Unfortunately. That doesn't stop him from trying.
"You can't just decide things like this" he mutters while Wenlang lowers him carefully onto the edge of the bed.
Wenlang crouches slightly afterward, making sure GaoTu's balance is steady before letting go completely.
"I suggested this months ago"
Gao Tu immediately looks scandalized.
"Well...that was different"
"How?"
"You said it very suddenly!"
"I asked if you wanted to sleep in here so you wouldn't have to walk down the hallway at night"
"You said it while I was eating soup"
"You were tired"
"You were staring at me"
"Am i not allowed to stare at the person who carrying my child?"
"Wenlang ! Ugh, that's not the point!"
Wenlang's mouth twitches faintly.
The traitor is trying not to laugh.
Gao Tu glares at him with all the dignity a flushed nauseous pregnant omega sitting in someone else's bed at dawn can possibly maintain.
His chest tightens faintly.
Because that's true now, isn't it?
Somewhere along the way things shifted without either of them fully noticing.
Gao Tu suddenly becomes very aware that he's sitting on Wenlang's bed while Wenlang stands between his knees looking at him with sleepy quiet fondness like this entire situation is perfectly ordinary.
Dangerous. Very dangerous.
"...You're being strangely smooth today" Gao Tu mutters suspiciously.
"I'm sleep deprived"
"That's concerning"
"It lowers your defensive abilities"
"My defensive abilities are excellent"
"You almost thanked me earlier"
Gao Tu immediately gasps in offense. "I did thank you"
"Exactly"
"That was just a basic politeness"
"That was emotional vulnerability"
"Ugh, you're impossible"
Wenlang hums softly like he's already aware of that.
Then his expression shifts again, gentler this time as he notices GaoTu suppressing another tired swallow against lingering nausea.
"Still feeling sick?"
Gao Tu hesitates before nodding once.
Without another word, Wenlang reaches for the blanket, his blanket, near the pillows and drapes it carefully around Gao Tu's shoulders first before moving toward the attached bathroom.
A moment later he returns with fresh water.
Gao Tu narrows his eyes right back while clutching the blanket tighter around himself.
Wenlang reaches out and smooths one slightly messy strand of hair away from Gao Tu's forehead. The touch is brief and gentle. So natural it almost hurts.
"You should sleep a little longer, it's still early"
Wenlang says softly and maybe it's exhaustion. Maybe it's hormones, maybe the warmth still lingering in his chest from being carried so carefully through the dark apartment and also maybe the fact that he is being surrounded by Wenlang scent that he can't even smell his own scent.
Wenlang climbs onto the other side of the bed afterward instead of leaving and Gao Tu doesn't protest at all.
The room settles into a soft, quiet rhythm after that, like the world outside the walls has decided to give them a rare moment of stillness.
Wenlang doesn't move any closer after lying down.
He keeps a careful distance on purpose, leaving a noticeable gap in the middle of the bed, wide enough that Gao Tu can feel it without even looking. Not cold, not rejecting, just deliberately respectful, like Wenlang is still holding onto the boundary Gao Tu once drew months ago when everything between them was new, confusing, and too easy to misunderstand.
Gao Tu notices it immediately.
Of course he does.
It's almost ironic how he can feel Wenlang so clearly even when they're not touching at all, the steady presence on the other side of the mattress, the strong scent of him in the air, the quiet stillness that somehow always feels like attention even when Wenlang is pretending not to look.
Gao Tu stares up at the ceiling for a moment, one hand resting loosely over the small curve of his stomach beneath the blanket.
A strange feeling settles in his chest. Not discomfort but something softer. Something that almost feels like disappointment before he can even name it properly.
His fingers curl slightly into the fabric of the blanket. He doesn't say anything though.
Gao Tu swallows quietly, turning his head slightly toward the gap between them.
Wenlang is there. Just out of reach.
Breathing slow and even, one arm resting over his own chest, face turned slightly toward the ceiling instead of toward Gao Tu.
He looks calm, composed, like he always does, but Gao Tu knows him well enough now to notice the subtle tension in how still he's being.
Like he's holding himself in place on purpose.
Not leaving. Just... waiting. The thought tightens something faintly in Gao Tu's chest.
He turns back toward the ceiling.
This is fine.
It is.
He tells himself that firmly.
Because Wenlang didn't do anything wrong. If anything, he's doing exactly what Gao Tu had wanted before, respecting boundaries, not overwhelming him, not assuming.
The bed feels a little too big like this. A little too empty in the middle.
Gao Tu exhales slowly through his nose, trying to ignore the strange ache that has nothing to do with his pregnancy and everything to do with something far more complicated he doesn't want to name.
His eyes grow heavier with exhaustion.
The morning sickness has faded into a dull aftertaste now, leaving him drained and soft around the edges. The warmth of the blanket, the steady quiet of the room, Wenlang's presence nearby, it all pulls him down gently, like sinking into water that finally stops resisting him.
His lashes flutter once. Then again. He shifts slightly under the blanket, curling a little more onto his side without thinking. The gap is still there.
He can feel it even with his eyes closed and somehow, instead of feeling relieved, it just makes his chest feel quieter in a way he doesn't fully understand.
Gao Tu swallows faintly.
"...This is enough," he whispers under his breath, so softly it almost doesn't exist at all.
Just something he tells himself, like a quiet attempt to settle whatever is stirring uneasily inside him.
The room doesn't answer. Wenlang doesn't move but after a long, quiet moment, the air shifts ever so slightly.
And Gao Tu, tired beyond thought, finally lets his eyes close fully, falling asleep with Wenlang still there, steady on the other side of the space he once insisted on keeping.
The nightmare slips in quietly at first, like a thought that doesn't belong to him but grows anyway, until GaoTu is no longer aware he is asleep.
Gao Tu is holding the baby so tightly it should hurt, but he can't bring himself to loosen his grip even a little.
It is warm. Real. Breathing softly against his chest in tiny fragile movements that make his entire body ache with something desperate and protective all at once. His hands tremble as he lowers his gaze, brushing a thumb carefully over the baby's small cheek like he is trying to convince himself this is not something that can be taken away.
"...It's okay," he whispers, voice already breaking at the edges. "I've got you... I've got you..."
Footsteps echo in front of him. His head lifts immediately. Wenlang is standing there.
For one split second, Gao Tu feels relief so sharp it almost hurts.
His chest loosens slightly, like everything might finally be fine now that Wenlang is here. Like this is the moment things become safe again.
But then Wenlang looks at the baby and everything changes.
The silence that follows is heavy. Too heavy.
Wenlang's expression tightens first, not soft, not confused. Something colder. Something disappointed.
"...Omega," he says flatly.
Gao Tu freezes.
"No," he blurts out immediately, shaking his head so hard it makes his vision blur. "No, you're wrong-it's just a baby, it's ours-"
Wenlang exhales sharply through his nose like the entire situation is exhausting.
"I knew it," he mutters, voice rougher now. "I knew it would turn out like this"
Gao Tu's chest collapses inward.
"No, please-don't say that-"
But Wenlang doesn't stop.
Doesn't step forward. Doesn't even look at GaoTu anymore.
His eyes stay on the baby like it is a mistake that should not exist.
"This is exactly the problem," Wenlang says coldly. "I don't want an Omega child. They would be useless and weak"
Gao Tu's grip tightens instinctively, arms curling around the baby as if he can shield it from the words.
"Don't say that," he cries out, voice cracking completely. "It's mine- it's ours-"
Wenlang's jaw clenches.
"No," he cuts in immediately.
The single word is sharp enough to silence him.
Gao Tu goes still.
Wenlang finally looks at him properly now and there is nothing warm in it.
Only frustration.
"I don't want this," he says again, slower this time, like he is making sure Gao Tu understands. "I don't want an Omega. I don't want complications. I don't want-"
He pauses, exhaling like even standing there is a burden.
"This"
The word lands worse than anything else.
Gao Tu makes a broken sound, stepping backward instinctively, clutching the baby so tightly his arms begin to shake.
"No..." he whispers, voice collapsing. "No, you can't- you can't say that..."
But Wenlang has already turned his head slightly away. Like looking at them too long is unbearable.
"Figure it out yourself," he says quietly, detached. "Don't drag me into it"
That is when Gao Tu breaks.
A sharp, strangled sob escapes him as his knees nearly give out, body folding inward protectively around the baby like the only thing he has left is keeping it safe from the world. Tears spill uncontrollably down his face, vision blurring completely as he shakes harder and harder.
"Please..." he sobs, voice wrecked. "Please don't leave... don't leave us..."
The baby stirs faintly in his arms. So small and fragile. Wenlang doesn't move back. Doesn't reach for them.
Just stands there, cold, distant, already halfway gone while Gao Tu cries like something inside him is being torn apart and no one is coming to stop it.
In the real room, Wenlang wakes instantly.
It is not sound that pulls him out of sleep first, but scent, Gao Tu's sage pheromones flooding the air in unstable waves, usually soft and grounding but now burning sharp with distress.
Wenlang sits up immediately, fully alert within seconds, eyes scanning the dark until he sees him. Gao Tu is still asleep, but there is nothing peaceful about it.
His face is damp with sweat, brows pulled tight, tears slipping silently into the pillow as his lips move in broken fragments of speech. His hands are curled protectively toward his stomach, trembling faintly as his body reacts to something only his mind can see.
"No... don't..." Gao Tu whispers faintly, breath uneven, "please... don't-"
Wenlang moves without hesitation. He crosses the bed immediately, one hand landing carefully on Gao Tu's shoulder, the other hovering briefly before settling at his wrist, grounding and steady.
"Gao Tu," he calls firmly, voice low but clear. "Wake up. It's me. You're safe"
There is no response at first, only a sharper flinch, another broken sound escaping Gao Tu's throat as his distress spikes again.
The sage pheromones in the room burn too strongly now, overwhelming in their panic, and Wenlang's expression tightens as he consciously releases his own pheromones, Iris, calm and steady, spreading slowly through the space like a stabilizing force meant to soothe rather than overpower.
He leans closer, voice softening just slightly. "A-Tu, Come back to me," he says again. "It's just a dream"
Gao Tu gasps.
It is sharp and sudden, like he has been pulled violently out of deep water, eyes snapping open but unfocused, chest rising too fast as he struggles to orient himself.
Tears are still falling immediately, even before he understands where he is, because his body is still carrying the echo of what he saw.
For a second he only breathes, broken and uneven, and then Wenlang is there fully in front of him, real, warm, steady and something inside Gao Tu breaks open completely.
A sob escapes him without warning as he reaches forward, grabbing Wenlang's shirt tightly like it is the only solid thing left in the world.
"I-" he tries, but it collapses instantly into a shaking breath.
"I thought you- I thought you said-"
Wenlang gathers him in immediately, arms wrapping around him firmly but gently, pulling him close without hesitation.
"No," he says quietly, voice steady and absolute, cutting through the lingering fear.
"No. I'm here. I've got you." Gao Tu shakes harder against him, still caught between waking and nightmare, and Wenlang tightens his hold just slightly, one hand pressing securely at the back of his head.
"Breathe"
"You're safe. I'm right here"
Wenlang keeps holding him the entire time.
He doesn't loosen his grip even when Gao Tu's shaking begins to soften, even when the sharp, broken breaths slowly start to even out into something closer to exhaustion than panic.
The Iris pheromones in the room remain steady and low, wrapped carefully around Gao Tu like an anchor he can lean against without being pulled under again, and Wenlang's hand continues to rest at the back of his head, slow, grounding strokes repeating with patient consistency as if reminding his body how to be still.
"Breathe," Wenlang murmurs again, softer now. "You're safe. I'm right here"
And he stays exactly there.
No distance, no gap and no hesitation at all.
Gao Tu eventually stops resisting the pull entirely, the tension in his body giving way in slow increments until he is no longer sitting upright on his own but folded completely into Wenlang instead, his face pressed hard against Wenlang's chest, breath still uneven but no longer spiraling, fingers clinging tightly to the back of Wenlang's shirt like he is afraid that letting go will send him back into the dream again.
Wenlang adjusts immediately, shifting slightly so Gao Tu is more securely on his lap without jostling him, one arm locked around his waist while the other continues to hold him steady at the shoulder, and he doesn't comment on the fact that Gao Tu is trembling less now but still refuses to move even an inch away from him.
Minutes pass like that.
Safe in a way that feels almost unfamiliar.
Eventually, Wenlang speaks again, voice low and careful, like he is approaching something fragile.
"Do you want to tell me what you saw?"
Gao Tu doesn't answer immediately.
His fingers flex faintly against Wenlang's back instead, tightening for a moment before loosening again like he is testing whether the world will break if he speaks.
Wenlang doesn't rush him. He just waits.
Gao Tu swallows hard, still pressed into his chest, voice coming out muffled and small.
"...It was stupid"
"It doesn't sound stupid if it woke you up like this"
Silence again.
Then Gao Tu shifts slightly, just enough that his words are no longer completely buried in fabric.
"...You were there," he says quietly, hesitating. "But... it's not you"
Wenlang's hand stills for a moment at his shoulder, then resumes its slow motion.
"I see"
Gao Tu takes a shaky breath.
"You... you looked at the baby," he continues, voice tightening immediately at the word, like even remembering it hurts. "And you said... it was an Omega"
Wenlang's expression tightens slightly, but he doesn't interrupt.
Gao Tu's grip on his shirt increases.
"And then you said..." his voice breaks faintly, "...you didn't want it"
That sentence lands between them heavily. Wenlang goes very still.
For a moment, neither of them speaks.
Then Gao Tu finally lifts his head slightly, just enough that his eyes are visible, red and unfocused from crying, searching Wenlang's face like he is trying to confirm something that still feels too dangerous to believe.
"...If the baby turns out to be an Omega," he whispers, so quiet it barely exists, "would you hate it too?"
Wenlang looks genuinely stunned.
Not immediately speaking.
Not because he is unsure, but because the question itself seems to hit him somewhere deeper than expected.
His grip on Gao Tu tightens slightly, grounding rather than restraining.
"Is that what you were afraid of?" he asks quietly.
Gao Tu doesn't answer. Which is answer enough.
Wenlang exhales slowly through his nose, then lowers his forehead slightly until it rests briefly against Gao Tu's.
"No..." he says, very simply at first.
Then again, firmer.
"No"
Gao Tu's breath catches faintly.
Wenlang pulls back just enough to look at him properly, hand still steady at his back.
"I don't know what your dream said to you" he continues softly, "but it's not real and it's not me"
Gao Tu's eyes flicker, uncertain, still fragile. Wenlang's thumb moves once, slow, against his shoulder.
"I don't hate anything about you," he says. "And I wouldn't hate anything that comes from you either"
Gao Tu's lips part slightly, like he wants to argue with that, like his fear still doesn't know how to let go.
Wenlang notices. He doesn't speak immediately after the silence settles, like he is choosing each word carefully before letting it exist between them.
"I am sorry," he begins quietly, and there is no hesitation in it, no distance, only something honest and unguarded that makes Gao Tu still without meaning to.
"For what I said before... about Omegas," he exhales slowly, thumb brushing once along Gao Tu's back in a grounding motion, "and I know saying sorry once is never enough for something like that, so I will keep saying it for as long as you need me to, even if it becomes annoying, even if you get tired of hearing it, because I should not have spoken like that, not about anyone, not about you, not about something so... alive,"
His gaze softens as it lowers briefly toward Gao Tu's hair, still pressed against his chest.
"But A-Tu..."
He pauses there, just for a moment, like the name itself carries something too delicate to rush.
"...I will never hate our child"
He continues, more certain,"how could I?"
Wenlang hand tightens slightly at Gao Tu's back, not possessive, just steady, like he is anchoring both of them in the same breath.
"It would be impossible for me to look at something that comes from you and feel anything like hate" his voice dips, almost trembling, not with doubt but with emotion he is not used to showing so openly.
"Because anything that exists between us... anything that grows from this... it would still be part of you, and you are not something I could ever reject"
He exhales softly, forehead leaning in just slightly again, close enough that Gao Tu can feel his breath, close enough that there is no distance left for fear to hide in.
"If I ever sound like I am unsure"
Wenlang adds more quietly, almost like a confession meant only for him, "it is not because I do not want it," a brief pause, "it is because I am afraid I will not be enough for you when you need me the most," his voice softens even further, almost breaking into something gentler, "but I am here, A-Tu... I am here, and I will stay here, even when I do not know the right words, even when I am learning how to be better while already holding your world in my arms"
Gao Tu doesn't answer right away, still tucked against his chest, still holding on like letting go would undo him again, and Wenlang simply remains there, letting the silence sit with them without rushing to fill it, his hand continuing its slow, steady motion at Gao Tu's back like a promise that does not need to be repeated out loud anymore.
"You don't have to earn safety from me," he adds. "Not like that"
Something in Gao Tu finally cracks open again, but this time it isn't panic. It's something quieter.
More vulnerable.
"...I thought I'd wake up alone" Gao Tu admits, barely audible.
Wenlang's expression shifts immediately.
"You won't"
A pause.
Then Gao Tu leans forward again, pressing his face back into Wenlang's chest like it is the only place his body understands anymore, fingers curling tightly again at his back.
"...Okay," he whispers.
Wenlang stays still for a moment, letting him settle fully, then tilts his head slightly, brushing his lips gently against Gao Tu's forehead first, slow, grounding, a d unhurried before pausing like he is checking for permission even now.
Gao Tu doesn't move away.
So Wenlang lowers his hand slightly, guiding Gao Tu's chin up just enough, and presses a soft, brief kiss to his lips, nothing demanding, nothing hurried, just a quiet reassurance that lingers for a second too long to be accidental but not enough to overwhelm.
When he pulls back, his voice is barely above a whisper.
"You're here," he says. "You're with me. That's all that matters right now"
And Gao Tu, still trembling slightly but no longer breaking apart, nods faintly against him, holding on like he finally believes the room will stay real this time.
The room stays quiet after that. Just warm.
Alive with the soft sound of rain against the windows and the steady rhythm of Wenlang's heartbeat beneath GaoTu's ear.
Gao Tu remains curled against him for a long while afterward, still half tucked into Wenlang's lap, arms wrapped tightly around his waist like some frightened part of him has not fully realized the nightmare is over yet.
Wenlang does not rush him out of it.
He simply keeps holding him, one hand resting securely at the small of Gao Tu's back while the other moves slowly through his hair, untangling damp strands from his forehead with patient fingers.
Every touch feels deliberate.
Gentle in the way that matters most, without making Gao Tu feel fragile for needing it.
Eventually the trembling fades completely.
Exhaustion settles in its place instead, heavy and soft around the edges.
Wenlang notices immediately.
"You're falling asleep," he murmurs quietly.
Gao Tu makes a faint sound against his chest that could barely qualify as denial.
"I'm awake"
"Mhm"
"You're judging me again..."
"You're drooling on my shirt"
Gao Tu immediately lifts his head in horror. "There is no drool"
"I can feel the wetness"
"Stop lying"
A small smile touches Wenlang's mouth then, brief, quiet, but real enough that Gao Tu's chest tightens unexpectedly at the sight.
Because Wenlang does not smile often, but lately he has been smiling at Gao Tu more and more like it happens before he can stop himself.
The realization settles warm beneath Gao Tu's ribs.
Wenlang shifts carefully afterward, guiding them both down properly onto the bed. Gao Tu instinctively tightens his grip for one brief second before realizing Wenlang is not pulling away.
He is pulling him closer.
The blankets slide softly around them. Warmth gathers immediately and this time, there is no gap left between them.
Not even a small one.
Gao Tu lies fully tucked against Wenlang's chest now, one of Wenlang's arms secure around his waist while the other rests higher along his back, fingers spread protectively like holding him there has already become instinct.
The Iris scent around him feels softer now too.
Sleepier.
Blended gently with sage until the room itself feels safe enough to fall asleep inside. For a long quiet moment neither of them speaks.
They simply breathe together.
Close enough that Gao Tu can feel every slow inhale beneath his cheek.
Close enough that the loneliness he has carried for so long finally starts loosening its grip little by little.
Then quietly, zo quietly Gao Tu almost thinks he imagined it.
Wenlang speaks against his hair.
"I think..." he pauses briefly, like the words are unfamiliar in his mouth, "I've been in love with you for longer than I realized"
Gao Tu stops breathing for a second.
Completely.
The confession settles softly between them. No dramatic declaration. No grand moment. Just something honest spoken into the quiet darkness while holding him close at nearly dawn.
Wenlang exhales slowly afterward, thumb brushing once along Gao Tu's back.
"You make me worry constantly," he murmurs. "You overthink everything, you argue about company management, you remind me to eat..." A pause. Softer now. "And somehow when you don't do that i felt empty"
Gao Tu's throat tightens painfully.
His fingers curl tighter into the fabric at Wenlang's side.
"...That's your confession?" he whispers weakly.
Wenlang hums softly. "I'm still learning"
A watery laugh escapes Gao Tu before he can stop it.
Then, after a long hesitation, he finally tilts his head upward slightly, enough to look at Wenlang through tired eyes still swollen from crying.
The tenderness waiting there nearly undoes him all over again.
"...I think," Gao Tu says quietly, voice unsteady but sincere, "I started loving you around the time you got angry because I skipped lunch"
Wenlang blinks once.
"That was a reasonable reaction. You're busy doing so many part-time and didn't even eat anything"
"You yell at me for forty minutes"
"You deserved it"
Gao Tu lets out another tired laugh, softer this time, before his expression slowly melts into something unbearably fond.
"...You make me feel safe," he admits finally.
The words leave him almost shyly. Like something precious he has never handed to anyone before.
Wenlang's entire expression softens at once. Then he leans down slowly and kisses him again.
Unhurried enough that Gao Tu feels every quiet emotion tucked carefully inside it.
When they finally settle afterward, Gao Tu presses himself instinctively closer beneath the blankets, and Wenlang holds him without hesitation, arms tightening gently around him like there is nowhere else either of them belong.
Outside, rain continues tapping softly against the windows.
Inside, tangled together in warmth and cedar and fading exhaustion, they finally fall asleep holding each other close, no distance, no fear.
Only love, spoken softly enough that it feels like something sacred.
After that night, something between them settles. Not because they suddenly become experts at love or because every insecurity disappears overnight but because they stop treating affection like something fragile that might shatter if held too tightly.
The distance disappears first.
The careful little gap Wenlang always leaves in bed vanishes so gradually neither of them notices exactly when it happens.
One morning Gao Tu simply wakes up with his face pressed into Wenlang's shoulder and one of Wenlang's arms wrapped securely around his waist.
Neither of them comments on it.
The next night happens the same way.
Then the night after that.
Eventually it becomes normal. Gao Tu no longer hesitates before leaning against Wenlang while reading a book.
Wenlang no longer pauses before reaching for his hand. Their lives slowly weave together through a hundred tiny habits neither of them consciously plans.
Wenlang learns exactly how Gao Tu likes his tea.
Gao Tu learns that Wenlang pretends not to worry while worrying more than anyone he has ever met.
Wenlang starts buying more snacks in because Gao Tu prefer to eat snack rather than a big meal.
Gao Tu starts checking whether Wenlang has actually slept before letting him leave for work.
The love itself grows quietly and patiently.
Like roots beneath the ground.
Deep enough that neither of them realizes how far it has spread until they are already standing inside it.
Which is exactly why Gao Tu is completely unprepared for Wenlang's reaction when he casually asks one evening.
"Wenlang, will you come with me to the next scan?"
The silence that follows is immediate. Suspiciously immediate. GaoTu looks up from the couch.
Wenlang has frozen halfway through turning a page in his book.
"...Wenlang?"
No response. The Alpha blinks once. Then twice. Then slowly lowers the book.
"You're asking me to come?"
The question sounds almost disbelieving.
Gao Tu frowns.
"Is there's any other Shen Wenlang here?"
Another pause.
Then Wenlang looks away.
Very quickly...far too quickly.
Gao Tu narrows his eyes.
"A-Lang"
"I'm listening"
"Why are your eyes shiny?"
"They aren't"
"They are"
"They're normal"
"You look like you're about to cry"
"I'm not"
"You absolutely are"
The stubborn silence that follows confirms everything.
GaoTu ends up laughing so hard his stomach hurts while Wenlang spends the next ten minutes pretending there is something extremely fascinating about the kitchen wall and that is how they end up here.
Several weeks later.
The clinic smells faintly of disinfectant and clean linen. Soft afternoon sunlight filters through the blinds, painting warm stripes across the examination room while machines hum quietly in the background. GaoTu lies comfortably on the examination bed with his shirt lifted just enough to expose the gentle curve of his stomach.
His bump is obvious now.
Still small enough to fit comfortably beneath loose clothing but dtill early enough that strangers might not immediately notice, but undeniably there.
Sometimes Gao Tu still catches himself staring at it in mirrors. Sometimes he catches Wenlang doing the exact same thing.
The doctor finishes preparing the equipment nearby while explaining something neither of them is truly listening to.
Because Wenlang is currently having what appears to be a complete internal crisis.
GaoTu notices almost immediately.
Mostly because Wenlang is gripping his hand so tightly he might actually cut off circulation.
"A-Lang"
No response.
The Alpha is staring at the monitor with the concentration of someone attempting to solve an international emergency.
"A-Lang"
Still nothing. Gao Tu squeezes his hand. Finally Wenlang blinks.
"Hm?"
Gao Tu bites back a smile.
Fails.
"A-Lang"
"Yes?"
"I'm the one lying here for the scan"
"Yeah ?"
"So why are you the one shaking?"
The doctor immediately makes a suspicious choking noise before turning away very quickly. Gao Tu catches the movement.
The traitor is trying not to laugh.
Meanwhile Wenlang looks down. His hand is, in fact, visibly trembling. The realization seems to offend him personally.
"I am not shaking"
"You are"
"I am maintaining readiness"
Gao Tu stares.
"For what exactly?"
Wenlang opens his mouth. Pause, and then closes it again. Because apparently even he doesn't know.
That finally breaks Gao Tu completely. Laughter spills out before he can stop it.
"A-Lang," he wheezes, "you're vibrating so hard you could start an earthquake"
The doctor's shoulders shake again. Wenlang looks betrayed by both of them.
Especially Gao Tu.
Who is now laughing harder.
"You promised to support me"
"You're the one that should be supporting me"
"Fine, then you're bullying me"
"I can do both"
A helpless exhale escapes Wenlang. The familiar one. The one Gao Tu secretly loves.
The one that always appears whenever Wenlang knows he is losing an argument but chooses to stay anyway. Who would have guessed that this big bad Alpha would be trembling while waiting for the scanning.
Then the doctor speaks and the room changes.
"Alright"
The monitor flickers. The image sharpens and suddenly nobody is laughing anymore.
The room grows quiet.
Wenlang's hand tightens around Gao Tu's. Gao Tu feels his own heartbeat stumble. For one suspended moment the entire world seems to narrow down to the screen in front of them.
Then, there.
Their small and tiny miracle.
The doctor begins speaking again, explaining measurements and development and things Gao Tu knows he should probably be listening to.
Instead he finds himself staring. Unable to look away. Because that's their baby. Not a possibility, not a hope, not a future dream but something real that is growing and alive... Inside him.
Beside him, Wenlang has gone completely silent. The kind of silence that happens when someone is overwhelmed by something too beautiful to fit into words.
The moment the image appears on the screen, Wenlang stops functioning.
Completely.
Gao Tu doesn't even notice at first because he is busy staring at the monitor himself, breath caught somewhere in his chest as the reality of it settles over him once again.
Their baby.
Actually there. Actually growing. A tiny little life that somehow already exists between them.
The doctor is speaking, explaining measurements and development and various medical details, but Gao Tu only absorbs about half of it before something strange catches his attention.
The hand holding his suddenly feels suspiciously damp. Gao Tu slowly turns his head.
Then immediately regrets it, because Wenlang is crying.
Actually crying.
Tears are sliding down his face one after another while he stares at the screen like somebody has personally handed him the greatest miracle in existence.
For a few seconds Gao Tu is too shocked to react.
Then, "...A-Lang"
No response. Wenlang continues staring. Another tear falls. The doctor pauses mid-sentence. Clearly trying very hard not to smile.
"...A-Lang."
Still nothing.
The Alpha looks completely captivated. Like the rest of the world has ceased to exist. Then Gao Tu hears it.
A tiny sniff. A very suspicious sniff.
His eyes widen.
"No"
Another sniff.
"Oh my god"
Finally Wenlang blinks. One more tear immediately escapes. Gao Tu covers his face.
"A-Lang!"
"What?" Wenlang asks, genuinely confused.
"You are crying"
"I am not"
"So are those rain on your face ?"
Another tear rolls down his cheek. The doctor suddenly becomes extremely interested in the machine controls.
Wenlang finally reaches up and touches his face. His fingers come away wet.
The realization seems to surprise him.
"...Oh"
Gao Tu wants the floor to swallow him whole.
"You're crying in front of the doctor"
Wenlang looks entirely unconcerned.
"Our baby is right there."
That somehow makes it worse.
Gao Tu can physically feel his ears heating up.
"A-Lang..."
"Our baby"
The doctor finally loses the battle and lets out a small laugh.
Gao Tu nearly dies.
"A-Lang, please"
His voice breaks on the word tiny. Actually breaks and then somehow the man starts sobbing.
Not loudly.
But enough that his shoulders shake once. Enough that Gao Tu can hear the emotion cracking through every word.
"It's so small," Wenlang says helplessly.
Gao Tu closes his eyes, he don't know whether to laugh or cry but this is a nightmare. A different nightmare. A much more embarrassing one.
"A-Lang..."
"What if it's hungry?"
The doctor makes a strangled noise. Gao Tu wants to disappear.
"It is not hungry"
"How do you know?"
"Because it's living inside me"
"It could still be hungry"
The doctor actually turns away. Shoulders shaking suspiciously.
Meanwhile Wenlang is still staring at the monitor with tears in his eyes like someone witnessing a religious experience.
Then suddenly he leans forward.
Presses both of Gao Tu's hands between his own and looks at him.
Really looks at him.
Eyes shining. Face completely wrecked with emotion.
"A-Tu"
Gao Tu immediately becomes nervous. That tone never means anything normal.
"What?"
Wenlang's lower lip trembles slightly. Then he says, with complete sincerity.
"Thank you."
The room goes silent. Gao Tu freezes. The doctor silently leaving the room to give the couple a few minutes of privacy. After all pregnancy is a beautiful thing, who could blame the Alpha if the become emotional right ?
Wenlang squeezes his hands while still crying. Still looking at him like he's hung every star in the sky personally.
"Thank you for taking care of our baby"
Gao Tu feels his entire soul leave his body.
"A-Lang"
"For carrying them"
"For eating all those vegetables even though you hate them."
Soft laugh coming out from GaoTu lips.
"Oh my god"
"And for drinking all that milk"
"And for-"
"A-Lang"
The Alpha pauses.
Finally.
Gao Tu peeks through his fingers. Wenlang's expression softens immediately. The overwhelming emotion remains, but now it is gentler.
Warmer.
The kind of love that settles deep rather than crashing over everything.
He lifts GaoTu's hand carefully and presses a lingering kiss against his knuckles.
"I'm serious," he says quietly.
The sincerity in his voice steals every remaining complaint from Gao Tu's mouth.
Wenlang's eyes drift back to the screen. To their baby. Then back to Gao Tu and for a moment his expression becomes so unbearably tender that Gao Tu has to look away first.
Because there is simply too much love in it.
Too much wonder, too much gratitude.
Like Wenlang still cannot believe he gets to have this. Gets to have them. The realization settles warmly inside GaoTu's chest.
Embarrassment, ridiculously emotional and yet...
When Wenlang reaches over and wipes suspiciously at his own eyes again while trying to pretend he isn't crying anymore, Gao Tu finds himself squeezing his hand back.
Unable to stop smiling.
Because if someone had told him months ago that the cold, foul mouth, and stubborn Alpha beside him would one day cry over ultrasound photos and tiny fingers
He never would have believed them, and somehow, that makes him love Wenlang even more.
"We will be okay, after all we finally got eachother"