Chapter Text
10 days it had taken us, 10 days at a steady but efficient pace from the edge of the Riverlands to Kings Landing. I had ridden most of it to Lynne's chagrin as I wanted to spend the last moments of my freedom outside of a wooden box and instead on the finest steed a Lady could ask for. Of course Ama has thoroughly enjoyed herself being ridden to her hearts content. My heart squeezes at the thought I might not get these opportunities soon as only the Gods know my fate.
Papa had made sure that we stopped for the evening in good lodgings rather than along the road as there were still dangers even on the safest routes. We spent the evenings reminiscing about my childhood and on Tybalt and Aveline and of course mother. I could often glimpse heartbreak in my fathers eyes and I think it was a mixture of grief and fear for what happened and what is to come.
I have discovered to my amusement and Lynne's horror that Sable really does not like my handmaid, as Lynne and I have stayed in the same room together and Sable would hiss and growl at the poor woman when I set her in there in the evenings. She must sense that she is here to take away my freedom and therefore hers but maybe she also does not like the sickly sweet aroma Lynne has around her constantly. I have also discovered that she snores much like a pig does and it has left me with very little rest on this journey. I was excited for a separate room from the older woman as I don't believe I could take much more. I know I look more mature than my years but I'd prefer not to age even more so due to lack of sleep.
On the final stretch of road to the great city, I rode alongside my father. We fell into amicable silence until papa said something that I did not catch at first. "Papa?" I looked at his face and saw torment. "We are almost back to the very place that took them." He said revealing the broken man beneath. "I know. I never thought if ever we would return here and especially not so soon after." I spoke with the same pain as my Papa. "I remember the first time we were sent to Kings Landing when I was but a child. We were sent by Lord Tully for disputes on the harvest tax that had been put forward." I said trying to bring my father out of his melancholy. "I was so excited to finally see somewhere other than Branforde or Riverrun. Aveline of course was excited to go shopping with mother and Tybalt. I had begged you to bring me with you to court." I smiled fondly. "You did! And you were extraordinarily outspoken to some of the other lords." Papa chuckled at the memory remembering me correcting a lord from the Reach about yields of grain.
"That's one thing I think will have benefitted me, Papa, knowing how our world works." I looked at him with gratitude. "You know I remember one thing from when I took you to court. How in awe you were of the man who was sat on the throne. In fact my memory serves that you did not shut up about him for months afterwards." Papa grinned with this knowledge that I had hoped he would have forgotten about. "Now let me see if I can remember who it was..." A cat like grin appears on his face. "Of course, it was the newly minted Hand of the King, Prince Baelor." My cheeks flushed at the memory of this dark, tall and handsome man sat on the Iron Throne. Surrounded by swords and courtiers alike and yet it was like he belonged there. Of course I was obsessed with Papa telling me of the Rebellion and obviously 'The Hammer.' We both grew quiet when we remembered the Prince's fate and the fate of his family. "We all have lost something in this past year." I spoke quietly and we both rode in silence for the next hour or so before we reached the city gates.
Even after everything I still was in awe of the size of the place. A city full of people from all over Westeros and beyond, smells permeating the nostrils from spices from Essos to hot forges making armor and swords, all the way to freshly baked bread. It overwhelms the senses especially for one who is not used to so much excitement. We made our way up to what one would call a 'nicer' part of the city, obviously where nobles and greater merchants alike live. Father had acquired the writ for a larger house when I was a child for when he would come on trips for Lord Tully. It was a larger house of brick not dissimilar to the Red Keep and had a respectable garden that I liked to read in and hear the noise of the city below. Aveline and her husband had been living here until they had Gwayne and wanted to raise him at Hawthorn. Of course this all coincided with Mother's and Tybalt's passing due to the sickness that had spread throughout King's Landing and beyond. We had been visiting Aveline and little Gwayne when all of it started. I can still remember the smell of burning bodies as they tried to stem infection, the city had never been quieter until the losses that occurred to noble and common folk alike. I don't know why it passed me by and oft times I wish that I had been taken instead of Tybalt. He would have been a great Lord of Hawthorn and would have offered more to our lands than I ever could. I sometimes think that Aveline and Papa think the same but maybe that's my melancholy speaking ill truths into mine ears.
For the rest of the day we settled in and unpacked. Lynne went out with one of Papa's man at arms and collected my newly tailored dresses to my annoyance. She had come back and got to work making sure everything fit appropriately, this of course meant having to put up with much poking and prodding. They were beautiful I admit as they had kept in the details that I had wanted, there were purple leaves sewn onto some of the sleeves and branches on bodices. I had asked that they reflect our house colours of green and purple and they had delivered as such. My favourite of them all (though it would not match my tunic and breeches but I will manage) was one made in the high necked Northern style, to reflect my mother's parentage from House Karstark. It had long flowy sleeves decorated with dark purple hawthorn leaves intertwined with branches, the bodice was plain but well made and fit well around my curves. The skirt flowed which did much to hide my stomach, that which I was grateful for as I often had a habit of pulling at whatever I was wearing to hide it. And the back had a hawthorn tree which had been sewn delicately and you could only just see it when the light glinted off of it at certain angles. I felt for just a moment, beautiful, when glimpsing myself in the looking glass. Reality came crashing though and it was just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I will find a lord who does find me beautiful, I know I have some finer qualities like my hair and like Lynne keeps mentioning, my hips.
Before long it was time for dinner and much like the night before we set out, it was a subdued affair as all of us were thinking of the welcoming feast tomorrow at the Red Keep. I lacked any appetite and I was glad no one took note or the very least made comments on it. As I was getting ready for bed that evening Sable had finally made an appearance and made to comfort me. Her purrs calmed me a touch as she laid her head upon my chest. I fell asleep quite quickly after that, dreaming of leaves flowing in the wind.
Breakfast was a tense affair on my part. I had to apologise to Papa and Lynne throughout the whole morning and had begged to go out once more on Ama but Papa refused as there was far too much to do for this evening. I lacked an appetite so also did not eat luncheon and my stomach rewarded me with cramps and nausea. It unfortunately got to later on in the afternoon and Lynne gathered me from the garden to prepare for the feast. I wonder if Papa and his men felt like this when they were preparing for battle? Maybe this is a woman's war in our world? It was said the childbed was a woman's battlefield but I think every part of our lives is as such.
Lynne muttered and tutted as she helped me dress and braid my hair. "You will do Milady, if I may so." She said whilst smiling at me. I gasped when I looked at myself properly, mirroring Tybalt's words "I look like a proper Lady Maddis." "You look beautiful Milady, so much like your mother. Moreso than you think." Lynne's eyes became sad thinking of the departed Lady Mannis. "Thank you, genuinely. I know it has come across that I am unappreciative of your efforts but I am grateful for all you have done." I grasped her small hands between my own. "I wanted to ask you first before Papa. But if I do find a match, will you still be my handmaid?" I asked closing my eyes. "It would be my honour, Milady. I served your mother from the moment she left the North and I still have many years left to serve her daughter." I opened my eyes in relief at that, smiling at the woman. She could never replace my Mother but she was much akin to an aunt and I knew I had her loyalty. I nodded and thanked her. Lynne left me to prepare further and took Sable out to the cat’s utmost horror. I chuckled fondly at the little lady, but yes I could not be covered in cat hairs. I sat and reflected before praying to the Gods, old and new.
A short while later a knock sounded at my door whilst I read some treatise to calm myself. I heard a gasp and looked up. "My petal, you are so beautiful. You look so much like your mother." Tears welled in both of our eyes. "If only she could have seen you like this." He says trying to keep his voice in check. "I think she would have fainted at the sight of me in a dress." I chuckled keeping my tears away from Lynne's hard work. Papa grasped me in a hug as we both wept and thought of Tybalt and Mother. "Is it time?" I asked whilst rubbing my eyes and cleaning my face. "It is petal."
We gathered ourselves and left with a man at arms into our awaiting carriage. Our livery had been placed over the carriage and I liked to imagine this is how it would look on the way to the Sept if I was to marry a Lord. We sat in silence for the time it took and I looked out of the window towards the great keep ahead. As a child I was intimidated by it and that feeling had never left me. It was a symbol of change for me and our family. I just hoped I could do my family proud.
We were greeted by one of King Aerys' men as we got out of the carriage. Our guard went with the carriage where later he would take us back home. "Lord Maddis?" The man in House Targaryen livery asked whilst glancing at our house symbol on my Papas breast. "Yes and my daughter, Lady Y/N Maddis."
"I bid you welcome Milord and Milady at His Grace's generosity." The man led us through the keep's giant doors and pointed through to where the feast would begin soon. I of course was curious about everything other than the debacle we were about to be put through. I hope in the coming weeks until this event is over that I can see more of this historical place, my scholars heart sang at the prospect of even catching a glimpse of the famous library. "Come petal, and remember I am here." I nodded and grabbed his arm before taking my first step onto the battlefield.
To say I was overwhelmed by the grandeur would be a gross understatement. There were huge long tables along the walls in the biggest dining hall I'd ever seen. Colours and standards decorated each and every wall. Of course House Targaryen's three headed dragon took precedence high above us all, reminding us of their sovereignty. There was a dance floor in the middle of it all which no doubt would be full of drunken, lecherous lords pawing at poor Ladies younger than me. I was about to make a remark to my Papa when I saw him, he was hiding in the shadows. At least that is what it looked like although I know that he would not have known he was in the dark. Even in darkness he was striking. His hair and beard much longer than I remembered and streaked with grey, eclipsing his once dark curls. Even from where I was stood an overwhelming feeling of profound sadness came over me and it almost winded me. Papa took note of me and rushed us over to where we would be sitting. "Petal what is wrong?" My hands became clammy. "Prince Baelor." I whispered. "I know my love. It is a sad thing but many of us understand his fate. He too will have to remarry I surmise." My head shot up at that in outrage, anger brimming at the injustice being served towards such a noble man who had sacrificed much. "Why? Has he not suffered enough to only be treated as such." "Petal, it is well known that our king is without child and does not plan on any and it will fall to the good prince to provide heirs. Whilst he is blind he is not incapable of doing so." Papa whispered aware of his surroundings. I fell silent trying to understand why it is always good people who suffer the most.
I only looked up when our King, Aerys entered the hall. I don't remember much of what he said as I only looked at prince Baelor. He had his head down and looked to be playing with his rings. It seems even princes have shows of anxiety. I smiled sadly and like as if he had somehow heard my thoughts his head shot up and glazed mismatched eyes stared straight at me. I know he could not see me but it was like my very soul was being judged. I was shook out of my thoughts by the first course being served, my appetite was still lacking but I attempted to eat. However I felt embarrassment at eating in front of all these people. My Papa took notice and squeezed my hand before carrying on his conversation with the Lord sat next to me. There were 6 more courses which I felt was wasteful but curbed my tongue from any remarks lest tongues would wag at my insolence. I had spoken a few words to the older Lady Massey sat next to me. She had been married to a third son and she had lost her husband and sons due to the same sickness and had brought her youngest daughter in hopes of a match. The young Mathild seemed like a sweet young woman and I could only hope that a good man married her. I was again shaken from my morose thoughts by the announcement that the dance and merriment would be starting soon. I of course had practice dances with both Papa and Lynne for hours until my feet ached but that would not mean I would take enjoyment from it.
I stood with my Papa watching the merriment and I was happy to see Mathild dancing with a sweet young Lord. I smiled at the thought that maybe she will make a good match. I overheard some vile comments being thrown my way by a gaggle of already drunken Lords. I touched Papa's arm and let him know I needed to go outside for some fresh air. "I will come with you." He insisted. "No Papa, I am a woman grown and I know you have not seen Lord Ryger in a while. I will be fine, I am no unseasoned whelp." I grinned and made to leave. I headed towards where I knew the gardens were, the air hit me as soon as I set foot outside. The music and merriment like mumbling in the ears now I was in the sea air. I looked around at all of the exotic flowers and trees. I had read about this garden and it still had not prepared me for its beauty. Of course nothing could beat natures bounty in the forests and rivers of my home but this could come a close second. I spent time feeling the petals of new flowers and the bark of some of the trees whilst making my way to a balcony overlooking Blackwater. My muscles relaxed instantly as I looked at the view. The sun shone like fire on the water and was truly a sight to behold.
"Who goes there?" I tensed and turned around at the softly asked question. Prince Baelor was sat on a bench only meters away, a stick stood propped next to him. I tried to speak but only stammers left my mouth. I calmed myself with a breathe and responded. "Your Grace, my deepest apologies. I will leave you to your peace." I felt proud that I even formulated a competent response. "Please don't go on my account My Lady...? and it is just My Lord now." "Of course My lord and yes it is Maddis, Y/N Maddis." Recognition came upon his face at my answer. "You are Lord Maddis' outspoken daughter all grown up." A small crooked smile appeared on his handsome face for just a moment. "Indeed but my father would argue no less outspoken." I chuckled.
The prince tapped the bench next to him, "Come and sit with me for a while?" I was surprised at this as it was a request not a command like one would expect from the blood of the dragon. "Of course My Lord, I do apologise still for disturbing your peace." My response came as I carefully sat down on the cool stone bench. "No harm done, I suspect you wanted to escape just as much as I did. Kindred spirits and all." He had turned his body to face me and was gazing at my face with the same glazed look as before. Even blinded, his eyes were mesmerizing to me. He was still one of the most singularly handsome men I had ever seen. "Indeed, My Prince. I do not really care for spectacle. I suppose that comes from long hours locked away in the solitude of the library." I felt a sense of calm cover over me whilst talking with the prince, I felt that I could be open and honest with him. "Ah, I suppose I too can understand that. Before my responsibilities took over, I too could be found amongst tomes or dreaming in this very garden." Another crooked smile came to his face. We fell into a comfortable silence for some time, both appreciating the crashing of waves against the cliff face. "I suppose you have come to find a match, My Lady." I look at him with surprise which I am glad he could not see. "I have, My Lord. Although it may all be for naught." I could have smacked myself for adding that last part in.
"And why is that? You are well spoken, intelligent and come from a fine and honorable house." He asks genuinely perplexed. I stutter before I can find my words. I do not want to complain like an immature waif to the fine prince in front of me. "I suppose even with all of those qualities with standing I am not exactly what a Lord would want in a wife." I take a deep breathe and continue with honesty that I believe he would appreciate. "I am far too outspoken, boyish in my proclivities painfully so and it may seem like I am self- deprecating, but I am rather plain and well... larger." I am surprised at what I had revealed but I could not help but feel kinship with him. "Well they would be fools then." He said with conviction. "I have no doubt that you are as beautiful as you are kind just from you humoring this old cripple." "You aren't old nor a cripple!" I all but shouted, "My Lord." Surprise had etched on his face alongside that same crooked smile that I had grown to like. I almost wanted to stroke his cheek where it ended, I shook away that childish thought. "I'm sorry, My Prince for my outburst. But I will not apologise from defending you from your own insults. You being blinded should not mean you are treated any differently to how I would treat my family or anyone I come across." I felt conviction and pride in that moment.
The prince was quiet for a moment before he made his response, "Well My Lady, I think I will counter with your own argument that I too will not apologise for defending you from your own insult." He was now grinning crookedly at me and I could see his imperfectly, perfect teeth. "I see I have been beaten at my own game." I laughed which turned into the both of us laughing for a moment. I liked the sound of his laugh, it was freeing and light much like the wind.
"You too must remarry?" I quickly realised how insensitive that could be. "I'm sorry my prince that was inappropriate to ask." I felt such guilt as I know it must be something that weighs upon him. "I must by my brother and the small council's decree." He had closed his eyes at this point and almost looked pained. "I am sorry my Lord for everything, fate has dealt you a cruel hand that I could scarcely begin to understand." The act of squeezing my fingers the only thing centering me in that moment. "You do though, understand I mean. I had heard about your Lady mother and younger brother and I wish to extend my sympathies just as you have to me."
Seeing that his hand was laid next to my own on the bench, I threw caution to the wind and grasped it with my own and squeezed. As I went to retract my palm from his he squeezed and kept hold of my hand. An unspoken moment elapsed between us, two lonely and hurt spirits finding a moment of reprieve with one another. Time seemed to forget about us both for a long while and we chatted about things that dear friends would, still holding each others hands. Soon it became clear that we both should .make an appearance back into the din of the feast hall. I felt such guilt for wanting to keep the prince to myself as it felt like I had finally met an equal other than my Papa. Prince Baelor had been quiet for a long moment and I could almost see that his mind was formulating an idea but I was not quite sure what. I hoped at least I could talk to him once more before he found a wife and guilt spiked again that I was taking up his time whilst he could be finding someone. Baelor had stopped walking and looked thoughtful. "My lady, I have not done this in an age since I was younger than you were so this is hard even for a seasoned warrior." Baelor had become anxious at what he was trying to say but I allowed him to continue. "I would like to call upon your father tomorrow." Confusion etches itself on my face. "My prince, why?"
That lovely crooked smile appears on his face, "I came out here to get away from the noise and responsibility that had been forced upon me. I wanted to wallow once more in my own pity and grief and I had been doing just that. Until you came outside. In these few hours of talking and being in one another's company, I have felt so alive and almost as I was even before my loss of sight and sons. You have treated me with nothing else but respect and honesty. And I do not need eyes to see that you are a beautiful woman. Of course I am rambling now but I would ask your permission before approaching your father and that's even if you would consider courting a blind man past his prime with a dysfunctional family." He had become heated and in that moment I could see the prince who had once sat the throne. "My prince, need I remind you what I said before. And to answer your question, are you sure?" I asked almost dazed as if this was either a dream or a very silly joke. "I have never been more sure of anything. I know that we do not know one another but it feels as if I have known you for an age and I suspect you feel the same. I need to offer my hand before some other Lord who is unworthy of you offers theirs." I grasped his hand once more in confirmation, rattled by this evenings whirlwind of events. A smile that almost matched the crooked one across the way appeared on my face. I could not believe the events unfolding however I became anxious at the thought of what the other courtiers would think to our union. At this point Baelor sensed that I had become distressed and squeezed my hand before offering words of affirmation. This truly showed that maybe this was what was meant to happen and that we were well suited to one another even in such a short time.
We had both decided to calm down before heading back in. Baelor had grasped my hand and placed it in the crook of his arm, already showing his intentions. Papa's eyes were drew to the image myself and the prince presented and recognition dawned on his face. He made his apologies to the Lord's he was talking with and came over to us. "Y/N, My prince. I had wondered if you were going to join the dancing but I now know why you had not returned." A knowing look was on his face. "My Lord Maddis, Lady Y/N was the height of polite company. Which is why I would ask permission to call upon you tomorrow." You could almost hear a slight tremor in Baelor's voice, anticipating rejection. "Of course, My Lord." I felt Baelor's arm relax at that. "Thank you Papa, truly." I said almost tearing up. "May I say goodbye to Prince Baelor, in private?" Lord Maddis saw no harm as they were not yet courting. "Lady Y/N I am true in my intentions and have never been more sure of anything. I have always had everything decided for me but in this instance I will be selfish. I will call upon you tomorrow if it pleases you, after I speak with your father, formally of course." Even without sight his eyes found mine and I could not stop gazing into their mismatched depths. "Well I would like to concur with what you have said to me. I would be glad for your company. Maybe I could read to you over fruit tea and lemon cakes?" I asked wistfully to which he agreed. Unfortunately before long we had to make our farewells. I squeezed his hand once more and left with almost a skip in my step.
In the carriage back to the house, Papa gazed at me thoughtfully but did not ask anything. I knew that he would ask tomorrow when it had fully settled in. That night after scratching my scalp for a long while I sat and reflected on the day and felt almost at ease with what had transpired. Maybe the Gods had listened. I knew that a marriage to Prince Baelor Targaryen would be one full of kindness, honesty and transparency. I had seen the way people had looked at him with pity and almost disgust. I had heard some of the comments saying he was cursed. Well there would be no more whilst I was breathing, I would be his champion and he mine. My eyelids started to droop and I fell into slumber, this time dreaming of a dragon with mismatched eyes soaring through the air.