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Ghost regretted ever saying yes to Soap’s invitation to go out with the team. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Gaz hadn’t decided he wanted Ghost dead, dressed the way he was.
Gaz had shown up to the group last, making it near impossible for Ghost to come up with an excuse as the taxi was pulling up right then. Kyle wore a maroon button down with short sleeves that fit him just right, buttoned down one button too far, and a thin gold chain that brought attention to collar bones that Ghost was working overtime to ignore. He didn’t dare notice his sergeant’s tight black slacks.
Price took the front passenger and Soap made Gaz sit in the middle of the back seat, claiming it was his punishment for being the last one. Unfortunately for Ghost, it meant he was pressed up against the one person he was trying his best to ignore.
The two of them had been circling more and more in each other's orbits recently. He’d catch Gaz looking at him more often than not. Means you’re looking back just as much, Soap had unhelpfully offered at the time. Johnny always talked about how good of a pair they’d make, saying Gaz would be a fool to turn him down.
It wasn't true. Ghost wasn’t even interested. It was just odd that he got heartburn whenever Kyle flashed him a smile.
Maybe it was less that he wasn’t interested and more that he couldn’t be.
Of course there were rules, but Price turned a blind eye to most things as long as their jobs weren’t affected. Even if they were caught, he could rest easy knowing it was his own career at risk, not Gaz’s.
The real fear was that Simon knew he couldn’t handle getting his heart broken by Kyle. Vulnerability meant people could hurt you, and Simon had dealt with enough hurt and heartbreak for 10 lifetimes over. He didn't trust himself to be able to come back from another.
It was his job to be observant and prepare for any possible outcome. He knew Gaz was popular, saw the way the odd visiting soldier stared, the free drinks he’d pawn off to the team when they went out, phone numbers left on receipts that went in the trash before he thought anyone saw. The moment something better came along, Simon wouldn’t stand a chance, and it wouldn’t take long for it to happen.
He didn’t have anything to offer, so what was the point of putting himself in a position to get hurt? His number one priority was always to minimize damage and casualties. Love life included.
Kyle’s hand half resting on his thigh was making the whole heartbreak thing seem worth it. His heartburn was coming back.
Arriving at the club was a relief. Ghost jumped out of the vehicle like he was trying to make a getaway. He ignored Soap’s teasing and instead focussed on getting them a table.
He found a booth and Price followed soon after, sitting opposite of him. Soap was next, and the cheeky fucker had the gall to flash Ghost a wink before sitting next to Price, leaving the spot next to Ghost open and the only spot left for Gaz to sit.
“You much of a dancer, Ghost?” Kyle asked. He was looking up at him so hopefully. His eyes were bright and it made Simon’s chest constrict. He’d have to stop by medical to get some antacids.
“No,” he replied gruffly, quickly turning his head away. Perhaps he had been too dismissive. He didn’t dare see Kyle’s reaction but he heard a small exhale.
Eventually conversation turned to work as it always did. They were discussing a recent mission that Ghost and Gaz had completed that went particularly well.
“I bet you two make quite the pair, would’ve loved to have seen it,” Soap said, a smug grin on his face. “You two would go well together in all sorts of ways.”
“Sod off, Tav,” Kyle said, laughing his comment off. Simon didn’t miss the glance Kyle shot him, but did his best to ignore it. He needed to get the attention away from himself. (Un)Luckily, his solution was starting to make himself more obvious.
Some string bean from across the room couldn’t take his eyes off Kyle, and looked to be working up the nerve to come over.
“Found you a dance partner,” Simon said, ignoring how this solution seemed to make his chest pain worse. The frown he got from Johnny helped subdue it a bit, feeling like he was finally winning in whatever competition he unknowingly entered.
“Right,” Kyle answered, sounding almost disappointed. Maybe String Bean wasn’t his type. “Can’t hurt talking to him.” Kyle grabbed Johnny by the arm and they set off together.
String Bean was far too eager and much too forward. Simon chided himself for such a poor pick. He pointed out the first person he could find, but Kyle deserved better than that. String Bean reached for Kyle’s hip and Simon thought he was going to be sick.
He needed another drink to distract himself from the warfare going on in his chest. Letting himself watch the mess he made unfold was only making it worse.
At the bar he was waiting for someone to be available when his attention was quickly drawn elsewhere. His training made him hyper aware of his team. The downside was the unintentional eavesdropping. At some point in his journey, Johnny and Kyle had moved nearby.
“Tav, stop. He’s obviously not interested,” he heard Kyle say. That couldn’t be true. The bloke Simon pointed out earlier was practically drooling over Kyle before even getting a chance to talk to him.
“He is! I know he is, he just needs a push.” Soap insisted.
“You’re just getting my hopes up for nothing. I’m not good enough for The Ghost and that’s fine. I’m fine with that.” Kyle’s voice sounded anything but. The twinge in Simon’s chest was starting to feel a little different. Somehow, knowing Kyle felt insufficient in any way hurt. He was perfect, great personality, record breaking soldier, gorgeous; what could he possibly feel he was lacking? And in comparison to Simon no less?
“Look,” Soap spoke up again, “if you think you’re better off not knowing what could’ve been then so be it. My vote is for asking him, but I won’t push anymore.”
Simon finally dared a glance in the sergeants’ direction. Kyle was looking lost and unsure. Kyle was insecure and it was because of him. Simon hadn’t considered that maybe he wasn’t the only one who felt exposed to danger by whatever was going on between them. The thought that it would be a risk for them both was reassuring.
His gaze held strong as Kyle turned around and noticed him at the bar. A slight flush grew on his cheeks at the realization that Simon likely heard their conversation.
God, he’s pretty, Simon thought.
“I have something I want to ask you,” Simon said, approaching Kyle, letting himself take a chance.