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Kyle has never liked someone this much. Usually, he’s confident and sure, every move planned and calculated. There’s purpose in the way he presents every part of himself down to the way he positions his toes when shooting to how he crinkles his eyes when flirting. He’s good, and he has to be. It’s the only way he’s survived being gay in the military and gotten so far ahead.
The first time in a while that he felt untethered was a couple of months ago. He’d been out on a mission with Ghost and due to high movement in the area, they had to lay low for a few days. The safe house was shit, but it kept them warm and dry. It was the final day that it happened, likely both of them emboldened with the knowledge that they’d be leaving soon and could forget about it.
Ghost told one of his god awful jokes, something about hippos and lighters, when Gaz was overtaken with want. Before he could feign annoyance at the jokes he secretly loved, he leaned in and kissed Ghost through the mask then and there. At first, he expected to get thrown to the ground, but when the mask came off, their clothes followed soon after. Neither of them spoke about it after, nor about the second or third time it happened.
Since then Kyle’s felt insecure. Like a bloody teenager. He notices everything Ghost does, and questions what it all could mean, if maybe it’s a sign about something. They have habits they’ve developed in the last couple of months, or at least Kyle started noticing them in that time frame.
During mornings, Ghost prepares tea for them both, knowing exactly how Kyle takes it. Evenings, Gaz prepares their tea, and makes sure Ghost’s favourite ridiculous reality show is playing in the rec room. Mondays, Wednesday and Thursdays, they’re scheduled gym time lines up and they always spot each other, Ghost never asking anyone else. Tuesdays became shared time on the shooting range. It was never discussed but neither of them have missed in the last 5 weeks.
He keeps telling himself that it probably means nothing. It does mean nothing. It has to. If they get caught, it would mean the end of Ghost’s career, and possibly Kyle’s own. Still, earlier in the evening when Ghost had asked if he was interested in drinks at some pub off base he’d never been to, he was too weak to refuse.
So here Kyle is, in a booth that’s falling apart, sitting across from the man he’s been falling hard for, and the most uncertain he’s ever been on how to proceed. He can’t flirt in the way he normally would. He reminds himself he can’t flirt at all. He doesn’t want to come off as unfriendly, but now that line feels difficult to toe.
The very worst part of it all is that Ghost left the mask on base. The stunning eyes, and soft blonde curls are making Kyle slowly lose his mind. Flashes of those 3 nights that shouldn’t have happened flash through his mind.
“You keep staring like that I’ll order a psych eval,” Ghost cuts through Kyle’s thoughts. “You know I’m not actually a ghost.”
“Sorry sir,” Kyle replies quickly.
“Relax, I’m only teasing, and call me Simon when we’re out like this.” Kyle was not making it out of tonight alive, He quickly downs his pint and offers to get them another round.
The time at the bar allows him to collect himself. He can’t continue the stilted small talk and awkward responses to Ghost teasing. Simon’s teasing. He orders an extra shot to down before heading back for courage.
The next few hours go by much more smoothly. Kyle lets himself relax into their regular banter, but being off base opens up space for talk about his life. He tells stories he hadn’t shared anywhere near base, always on guard about oversharing and risking the wrong person hearing. Somehow, through all the many topics, Kyle finally apologizes for his clumsy start to the night.
“I’ve been feeling off lately,” he starts, “and I never feel off. I get so in my head that I’ve been getting in my own way recently.I get so scared that I’m going to be the reason we lose someone.” He isn’t sure why he’s divulging so many of his insecurities, maybe he’s had too many beers.
“It’s just hard to navigate limbo when you’re falling in for someo﹘” Definitely too many beers. He cut himself off but it was obvious what he was about to say. As the uncomfortable silence lingers, Kyle’s own hands suddenly become the most interesting thing at the table.
“I love you.” It’s said so casually, as a matter-of-fact. If Kyle had been paying half as much attention he’d have assumed Simon was ordering a drink or asking for directions to the loo. He braves glancing up, worried it's a bad joke that is going to hurt his feelings. Instead he’s met with eyes that are determined and hopefully, only a slight twinge of insecurity in the quiver at the corner of his mouth. Before Kyle can process it all, Simon is speaking again.
“I figure I get us another round, and we figure out how this is going to work, how much we divulge to the team, rules for on and off base. I know this could be complicated but nothing else has ever felt as simple as loving you does so﹘” Simon begins to trail off. It takes embarrassingly long for Kyle to realize that it’s a pause for approval. A confirmation that the situation between them wasn’t misconstrued.
“I think you might be the best thing to ever happen to me,” Kyle responds, laughing with so many different feelings that he almost worries he sounds hysterical. He gets up and moves to Simon’s side of the booth. Before Kyle can properly sit down, their lips are connecting. While not their first, this one is the best, and likely to be Kyle’s favourite for a long time to come.