Chapter Text
Cole wasn’t sure when, exactly, he stopped caring.
Maybe it was when he was five and he had to recite all of his ancestors from memory and remember what wars they’d participated in, not knowing the bloodshed that accompanied victory.
Maybe it was when he was ten, the first time he was required to actually behave at a ball, and behaving meant sitting and listening to stuffy dignitaries while everyone else got to eat rare meats and cake and dance the night away.
Maybe it was when he was twelve, and his father told him that he would never marry for love because he needed to have an heir with a queen, despite Cole’s general apathy towards the fairer sex and the peculiar way he looked at his best friend…
Or maybe it was when he was eighteen, finally a man, finally grown into the prince he was meant to be. And with that maturity came the weight of crushing responsibility and a face pressed into golden coins, but he still lacked the power to effect actual change.
Maybe he never cared.
Don’t get him wrong, Cole understood what it was to be a prince. It had been drilled into him from a young age. But with as much power as he had, he also felt a bit like a bird with its wings clipped. His life was not his own. He owed his duty, his very existence, to his people. And while he truly did love his people, there were times he felt like he could do more; not just be a figurehead of power.
But it was as if his life had been written out for him already by the fates. He was just going to be another king in a long line of monarchs that had led Terralia for eons. He would lead fairly and justly, honoring his mother’s rule, but there would be nothing particularly spectacular written about him. Of that he was sure.
After all…Queen Lilly was a hard ruler to live up to…
So when a servant came with a request for him to go to his father’s chambers, Cole couldn’t find it in himself to muster up any sort of excitement or fear at the clear, but mysterious, summons.
But his malaise with where his life was headed would have to wait. He couldn’t worry his personal guard…and his best friend.
“Maybe he’ll actually let me go out into the lower town without dressing me up like a dancing jester…” Cole mused, pulling his shirt on over his head before tucking the hem into his pants.
There was a soft, amused, noise from near the door. “I find that unlikely. I apologize. Your father does seem particularly enthralled with finer fashion these days. Perhaps he wants to get your measurements for a new…” The voice rose into a gentle chuckle.
Cole rolled his eyes goodnaturedly and grinned over his shoulder as he wrapped his belt around his waist. “I knew it. He wants to dress me as a fool. He wants to put me in one of those hats with bells on the points so I can jingle miserably over to his side at the next ball. I know you can picture it.”
The fairer man burst out into loud laughter, and Cole couldn’t help the heat that sprang into his own cheeks at the noise.
Despite not being allowed to leave the castle or mingle with more common folk, Cole was not bereft of friends. Despite his father’s best wishes, and the fact that he was held under constant surveillance, Cole managed to get a glimpse of what it was like to be normal through the lives of the individuals who worked in the castle.
And no one was closer to him in that regard than his personal guard and best friend, Sir Zane Julien.
Cole could not remember a time before Zane stood by his side. They’d grown up together, working and living in the castle since they were boys. Zane was a bit older than him, and a few good inches taller, but he was, by far, the closest person to Cole. Zane was his confidante, his constant companion when the cold winters came to Terralia, his closest friend...
…And his first love.
It was so easy to fall in love with Zane. He was beautiful, dignified, caring, and had more honor in his pinky finger than most men had in their entire body. Cole could hardly imagine his life without Zane by his side, both as a friend, and as a man he wanted to love. If Zane was a woman, Cole would have already made him his queen, saving both himself and his father a slew of headaches.
Zane, while not royalty, was nobility. His family had fled to Terralia when his home, the Lost Kingdom of Fulgor, fell to the hands of darkness. Zane’s father, the noble Lord Julien quickly found a place in the court of Terralia, working alongside the court engineer, Lord Borg. He was given a title and land that would one day be bequeathed to his sons, easily fitting into nobility without any papers or indication of high-born blood.
Zane could have lived a life of luxury due to his father’s position. He was intelligent, brave, and had a talent for making the ladies of court swoon. He could have been the kind of man to sweet talk his way up the chain of command. But Cole believed they would not have been friends if that was the path Zane had chosen. Zane would not be himself if he was stuffed with rich quail and lounged on silk pillows.
No, Zane belonged on a horse with a glove out, waiting for his falcon, Elsa, to return from the hunt. Zane belonged in the tournament ring, with his foot on his opponent’s throat and a peculiar gleam in his blue eyes that sent a thrill down Cole’s spine…
Zane belonged in the gardens, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he spoke to a man whose smiles were like sunshine…
“I do not think you would make a very good fool,” Zane mused, handing Cole his decorative sword and effectively snapping the prince out of his reverie. “The entire castle knows you cannot sing.”
Cole flushed again, this time in embarrassment. “Well, then it’s a good thing I’m not entertaining in the taverns, isn’t it?”
Zane gave him a knowing smile, and Cole had to immediately bite down the urge to forgo his father’s summons and kiss his friend right then and there. The quickly passing minutes would no doubt infuriate his father, but he, not for the first time, wondered if Zane would taste as good as his lips looked…
“Cole?” Zane tilted his head curiously, and Cole blinked, trying to regain his train of thought. Zane continued, ever dutiful. “We should head to your father’s chambers if you still wish to speak to him before the announcement today.”
“Oh! Uh, yes…of course…” Cole shook his head, giving a quick glance to his balcony. “Sorry, I’m just…distracted today, I guess.” He rolled his head on his shoulders and set his jaw like he was going into battle. “Okay, let’s go,” he strode past Zane, grabbed his sword, and headed for the door.
As Cole passed, Zane’s eyes shone with a deep understanding and a quiet mirth. “It is too early for Jay to be outside, you know. He takes the harvest to the kitchens first thing in the morning.” Zane spoke quietly, careful to keep the secret between the two of them.
Cole nearly tripped over the decorative rug laid out in his chambers. He spluttered, very undignified, and turned to Zane, his face a bright red. "How did you...?"
“It is the truth,” Zane hummed, a smirk tugging at his lips, before he reached around Cole to grasp the handle to the heavy wooden door.
Zane opened the door, revealing the long hallway to Cole’s chambers. Guards were spotted here and there; Zane’s subordinates. Both the prince and his knight stood straighter, their easy camaraderie and friendship evaporating in the face of outside scrutiny. Cole slid his princehood over his face as carefully as a mask, hiding his true identity, and then they were off.
They didn’t speak as they walked, leaving Cole to stew in his own thoughts. He supposed that he should be thinking about what his father had summoned him for, or what this mysterious announcement was to be later that day. Why had his father kept it a secret from him?
But Cole could not get his mind off of the men he loved.
It was not unheard of for a king to take many lovers, even if his father had chosen to not do so after Cole’s mother passed. It also wasn’t unusual for a king to have male lovers, so Cole should have been assured that he could be with the men he so chose. Even if he was forced to marry a woman and make her his queen, he could still be free to pursue whomever he wanted.
If only things were that simple…
Zane was his closest friend and a fierce warrior in his own right. Becoming a concubine would almost certainly be a step down from his position as one of the head knights. Not to mention, if Zane did not feel the same way about him…Cole would be putting their friendship in jeopardy. And while Cole had many friends within the walls of the castle, Zane was his oldest and closest. He could not lose Zane by his side, even if his love for the other man had taken root deep within his soul.
Jay Walker…was trickier. Where Cole’s love for Zane was built on years of understanding, friendship, fights, and mutual respect, Cole had never formally met Jay. Cole supposed that mooning over the short gardener from his balcony was the kind of love written about in the sonnets and plays his father adored, but Cole was old enough to realize it did not make a crush founded upon anything other than infatuation.
Yet still…Zane was close to Jay, and the way the knight spoke about him… His creativity, his passion, his intelligence, his determination to do things the right way, the way he seemed to always be funneling humor into situations, but not in an unkind way... Cole wanted to get to know him more. Jay was physically beautiful, that much was certain even from a distance, but Cole wanted to know more about him before kissing the living daylights out of him.
But while Zane was nobility, born into a life of privilege like Cole had been, Jay was decidedly a commoner. There were rules against that kind of relationship. Chasing castle maids’ skirts and flirting with laundresses was one thing, but courting a common gardener boy with the goal of a long-lasting relationship was another thing entirely. Cole wasn’t sure he completely understood why, but the hypocrisy of it all made him furious.
In a few years, he might get the chance, as Jay was training to become the court engineer, thereby entering the ranks of nobility, but for now…
He glanced at Zane out of the corner of his eye as they walked. Zane looked to be the picture of composure, but there was an excited bounce to his steps that only someone who knew him very well could pick out. Cole smirked. “You have maintenance today…don’t you?”
Zane was the palest person Cole had ever seen. He would have looked sickly if his hair wasn’t also a shocking translucent blond and his eyes weren’t the piercing blue color that captivated Cole so. When he blushed, it was as plain as the nose on his face. Zane’s eyebrows went up and his cheeks immediately turned a rosy pink, but he avoided looking at Cole.
“...I do, yes,” Zane hummed, softly.
“You’re always cheerful on days when you get to spend time with him…” Cole smiled, eager to get his mind off of all of the reasons why his crushes would never work out. If he couldn’t have them…they could at least have each other. Zane's crush on the gardener was also glaringly obvious to anyone who looked.
“I always get to see him…he’s my father’s apprentice,” Zane tried deflecting, but Cole was having none of it, eager to get back at his friend for his earlier teasing.
“Yeah, but on maintenance days, you get to see him one on one. All his focus is trained on you. His fingers on your leg…That’s got to feel good, huh?”
If possible, Zane’s cheeks grew even darker. “I do not know what you’re referring to.”
Cole’s voice grew hushed as they turned a corner to enter his father’s wing of the castle. “I did tell you I don’t mind sharing…”
Zane started walking faster, easily outpacing Cole. Cole laughed and swore, jogging to keep up with his friend in a distinctly un-princely manner. “Oh c’mon, are you still in denial?! I’ve seen him give you favors y’know? From the garden? You must have gotten dozens of wreaths and bouquets over the years! I’m jealous that he seems to know you so well…”
“He is…” Zane huffed, squaring his shoulders. “Wonderful is not an adequate word, as I am sure you are well aware of yourself."
"So why haven't you said anything?!" Cole laughed. Zane didn't have the same issues with courting Jay that he did... If he was in Zane's position...
"I...may today..."
"What?!" Cole turned to Zane, eyes wide. "Why didn't you-"
Cole stopped abruptly as they both reached their destination. The wooden door to King Louis’ chambers stood in front of them, and Cole instantly deflated. Whatever pleasant train of thought he’d had about Zane and Jay kissing under the stands of the tournament ring were immediately dashed to pieces and a sick sense of dread took its place.
“Will you be okay…?” Zane murmured softly, but he did not reach out a hand to Cole’s shoulder like they could behind closed doors. Cole hated the necessary distance.
He rolled his shoulders, taking a deep breath. “Yes. It’s just my father. If you want to go find Jay in the kitchens, I’m sure he’d be happy to see you.”
Zane cocked his head to the side, clearly surprised. “Are you sure? I could-”
Cole looked at him out of the corner of his eye, trying to send him a message.
“Oh!” Zane’s eyes widened in understanding. “I will…be sure to give Skylor your regards then.” He smirked.
“Thank you, Zane.” Cole huffed, before nodding to the guards posted on either side of his father’s door.
“And good luck, Your Highness…”
Bile rose in the back of Cole’s throat as the title fell from Zane’s lips. In private he was just Cole...but everywhere else...
“His Royal Highness, Prince Cole Brookstone of Terralia,” one of the guards called as Cole entered the lavish room. His father was seated at his desk, intently writing something down on a piece of parchment. He looked up when Cole entered, the door closing behind him to allow for privacy between the royal family.
His father looked him up and down. “You’re late.”
Cole gritted his teeth, biting back a retort as his father went back to the parchment.
“And why are you dressed like that? You are aware we have a royal announcement later today, yes?” His father didn’t wait for an answer. “Honestly, it’s no wonder you haven’t managed to find a queen yet, looking like that.”
Cole's clothes were perfectly serviceable, if a bit simple. He wasn't dressed in rags and his hair was slicked back as usual. Knowing the king, his father really did mean to make a fool out of him with garish colors and fine silks. Deadly weapons indeed.
“Father, I’ve told you, I-” Cole started in a desperate attempt to make his father listen, but the king cut him off as he always did.
“Cole,” Lou snapped, and Cole immediately shut up. One did not talk over the king, not even a prince. “I have given you plenty of time. You are twenty-eight now. Ten years to find a suitable queen, and in that time, you have shirked your responsibility at every turn in favor of frivolity. When you are king, you may take to bed as many noblemen as you would like and no one would dare question your decision, but you need a queen.”
Cole clenched his fists by his sides, but didn’t dare to retort. Was this all his father had called him here for? To lecture him about this topic again?
“So," King Louis continued, "I am taking matters into my own hands.” His father signed his name at the bottom of the parchment. “We are going to hold a contest one month from now. All the eligible ladies of the empire are invited to come try for your hand, and you will pick one of them. I have even invited the Emperor. The Empress Dowager has agreed that he shall be in attendance to oversee the union of two kingdoms as a result. Your wedding will conclude the ceremonies.” His father leveled him with a look that held no leeway, truly living up to the strength of the Brookstone name.
Cole felt as if the air had been punched out of his lungs. He was speechless. He knew he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter of the woman he was going to marry, but this was something else entirely. He’d tried to push off marriage into the far future. It wasn’t hard to not show any interest for the women who visited the court, but that had clearly backfired in his face.
One month?! Not even a year?!
“Cole,” his father tried again, softer and gentler this time. “I understand you don’t want to marry a woman. I also understand that this is a lot to ask of you, my son…but you need to. You know the empire is in a treacherous state right now after the death of the Emperor. Any vacuum of power would be enough to ensure our kingdom is overrun. We need unity…and a marriage with a princess of another kingdom would bring that unity. It would bring security to our people. Please, Cole. I’m asking you as your king…and as your father.”
Cole’s mouth went dry, but nothing could have prepared him for the gut punch his father’s words carried next.
“Please don’t let your mother’s work go to waste…she loved Terralia and all its people, even to her dying breath. You must continue her legacy…”
Cole swallowed, feeling entirely like a trapped animal, the walls closing in around him smaller and smaller as the weight of his mother’s legacy bore down on him from above.
“Okay,” he finally choked out. “I’ll do it…”
His father immediately brightened. “Good! We’ll make the announcement in a couple of hours, but first, I would like you to come here so I can tell you which kingdoms I have sent invitations to.” Lou beckoned his son over with an oddly dismissive hand.
Cole wanted to run. He wanted to get away. He wanted to throw off his crown and run to the countryside with Zane and Jay where no one would know their names. Jay could have a garden to grow them food, and Zane and Cole could hunt. They could lay under the stars every night, and if it was cold, they could all share a bed, lying in each other's arms. He would never have to think about duty or about heirs, his only concern would be making the men he loved happy…
But the feeling of a noose tightening around his neck was too present to be ignored.
“There’s this lovely girl from Ignacia I think you’ll like,” his father continued, gesturing to a rolled up sheet of parchment. “She’s not of royal blood, but…”
His father kept talking, but Cole just stood there dumbly and stopped listening. He could see his future laid out before him now, always certain but now inevitable. He would become an old and unhappy king like his father, next to a woman he didn’t love, forced to have children he would inevitably fuck up beyond any kind of repair…
Perhaps Jay and Zane would still marry. Perhaps they could be happy without him. He would forever feel the absence of their love like a wound in his soul, but they could make a fulfilling life together.
Zane had already seen one of his homes be destroyed and he was permanently disfigured from it…Cole could never let him live through that again. And if sacrificing his own life, his purpose, was going to ensure that never came to pass…that Zane and Jay could live normal lives, unburdened by war and destruction...
He would do it without a second thought.
Because he loved them both.