Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It’s been a week since Rudo has officially joined Cleaners Headquarters.

Everyone was excited to have a new face; a potential companion and trustworthy ally on their side. Many were hesitant to approach Rudo for their own reasons—he was still a Sphererite at the end of the day, and regardless of Enjin’s reassurances, it took time. For now, reluctant acquiesce was all some of the Cleaners could offer. 

A small portion allowed Rudo to settle in, careful to not overwhelm the young boy. Life on the Ground certainly wasn’t pleasant, not in comparison to the supposed Heaven that rained trash on them, but it was something. It was theirs to own; something to take pride in. Folks like Eishia, Tamsy, and August (after much begging from his sister), allowed Rudo the space required to adjust.

In one way or another, the Cleaners were understanding, but that didn’t mean they weren’t nosy. In such a small space, it was inevitable for rumors to catch wind. Snagging on any ear that was open and willing to listen. 

Rudo’s previous living situation was rough, so they gave the boy some grace.

His attitude was so nasty because he fell from the Sphere, Enjin insisted, holding Rudo by the hood. The boy was frothing at the mouth, glaring at anyone that came close to him—to his food. He guarded his plate like his life depended on it.

He has a smart mouth because he’s not too good with people, Riyo dismissed. The boy had just got done thoroughly chewing one of the Cleaners out for bumping into him. The whole matter sparked and fizzled out in a matter of seconds, simply due to the fact it was more of a verbal smackdown than an argument. 

The Cleaner who had been on the unfortunate end of the stick left absolutely seething, tossing a scratching glare over her shoulders before making her way towards the dining hall.

“He’s out of control.” Said someone one day, their voice just above a whisper. The small circle of Cleaners all buzzed with agreement, voices soft, as if scared He could hear them through the walls.

It was ridiculous. Rudo was fifteen, a damn Pup, yet he had the nerve to walk around like he owned the place? He was a tiny terror. His behavior has gone well beyond the point of excuses and understanding; he was an asshole, hands down.

“What pack does he belong to?”

“Akuta.”

“He’s Enjin’s kid?” A voice sputtered.

It explains more than they would like to admit. Enjin is highly respected, yes, but the man is packaged and patented by Irresponsible and Immature Corporations. His team is…childish. Hell, HE’S childish! The constant teasing, the nonstop laughing—it’s…it’s ridiculous. How he manages to get any work done is a miracle bestowed by God himself.

It’s a wonder how he’s the Pack Alpha for that team. Then again, he’s the one recruiting those teenagers like their a bunch of strays. Rudo just happens to be the rowdiest Pup of the litter.

“Who’s my kid?” Enjin drawled.

A scream pierced the air. Everyone stilled.

“Shit, my bad.” Enjin sputters. A fat grin tugs at the ends of his lips, carving into his cheek. “That was…Jenkly, sorry, was that you?” He snorted.

Jenkly, a big, beefy hulk of a man, flushed. The sound he made wasn’t exactly…masculine. That’s besides the point—this isn’t important right now, Good God.

Jenkly waved him off, sneering. “Rudo, ain’t that your kid?”

Several sets of eyes latched to Enjin’s figure, silent and waiting. It was a little intimidating, he felt like prey being stalked. One wrong answer and he’s getting pounced.

“Yeah, he’s mine.”

“His behavior,” comes a voice. Soft, timid, but very much exasperated. Enjin shifts his gaze to the source, meeting the tired expression of a girl. She looks a little older than Riyo, and considerably more miserable and weepy than Eishia, which he didn’t think was possible. She ducks away from his view, hiding behind her veil of inky black hair. “He’s…he’s really mean.”

“‘Mean’?”

She nods. “He cursed me out this morning.”

Enjin presses his lips into a thin line. It’s certainly the first he’s hearing about any of this. It’s one thing to act that way in their pack, but it’s another to do it to members outside of their pack—with a stranger no less. 

“I’ll talk to—“

“He bit me.” She spit out quickly.

There’s a nauseating pause that makes Enjin’s stomach coil. The blood beneath his skin shimmers. “Rudo?”

She nods weakly.

“Really?”

Next to her, a boy, who must be a brother, nudges her side. She mumbles something, but another firm nudge sends her squeaking.

“Fine, fine!” She whines with her composure crumbling. Tears spring into her eyes. She lays out her arm, right in the middle of the table for everyone to see. 

Enjin didn’t even stare for long. He got up, excused himself, and walked out the dining hall.

He was going to strangle that snot nosed little shit.

Chapter Text

If there’s one thing Rudo is familiar with, it’s pain. 

Most days, that aching pulse resides in the tips of his finger to the expanding plain of his arm. It’s dull; dormant until there’s a lull in the ever going excitement that’s now Rudo’s life. When the Cleaners, more specifically Team Akuta, and him are enjoying each other’s presence, that’s when it pounces.

Just because, Rudo thinks. Why let him have a moment of serenity when he can become begrudgingly reacquainted with this…thing that’s his for the rest of his life?

Severe and blackened markings, etched into his skin spark to life. It’s like jagged teeth plunging into soft skin, and with its barbed ends, it demolishes any semblance of stability that was still standing.

Rudo can deal with pain and the inconvenience that comes with it. Over the years he’s built a tolerance for it, but he’s only accomplished this because of Regto. A man that was kind and tender-hearted brought in the most unconventional gift that would ease his affliction.

Large leather gloves.

They were about double the size of Rudo’s face, but he’d grow into them Regto insisted firmly. He had that stupid and self assured grin on his face, and being so young and delirious with pain, who was Rudo to question him?

The other kids stared at Rudo with their usual scrutiny for the next handful of years. He’d never bite their bait, no matter how low they lowered it.

As Regto had promised, Rudo grew into his gloves, but by no means was it anything drastic. They were still comically large, only emphasized further when examined against the scrawny and sharp frame of his body. 

He loves his gloves. He loves them so much that, like the rest of his team, he names them. 

3Rs.

3Rs, as amazing as they are, don’t solve Rudo’s chronic issue. They’re simply a bandaid of sorts, slapped right atop of a gushing stab wound.

There’s nights where he’s curled into a ball, pressing his flushed face into his mattress. So desperate, hot, and sweaty for any lick of comfort, but his shame anchors him down to the confines of his room. 

Not for the first time, Rudo imagines what it’d be like if he forced himself to knock on Enjin and Gris’ door. Maybe one of them would answer and pity him so much they’d invite him inside. Let him crawl in their bed, slipping into the small space between them like it was made for him. 

Rudo remembers what it’s like to be held. To be cared for wholly and completely. Regto had done just that when he still had that gleam in his eyes. When his hands were still warm and heavy against his back, delicate and careful around his face to wipe away stubborn tears.

Death would be kinder than the humiliation ritual he’d endure trying to seek comfort from Enjin and Gris like a snot nosed little kid they thought he was. He’d rather stay where he was—face down in bed, shivering, and sweating—because that’s the easier option.

He can find solace in the what if’s. They’re enough to distract him, and if they’re not he makes it enough. And if he can’t—if it’s just too much to bear and crumbles under the weight, Rudo’ll cry himself to sleep on nights like that.

His rest is fistful and angry, and he makes sure to reflect a shitty mood with an equally shitty attitude the following mornings.

Everyone with a working pair of eyes knows to steer clear from him on days like that. 

Don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, hell, don’t even breathe wrong in his direction. The smallest thing can and will grate against his nerves.

Rudo’s ears work; he knows that people talk behind back. To his face too if ballsy or stupid enough. 

So what if his attitude is bad? If they don’t like it, then they could fuck off. If everyone wasn’t so loud and obnoxious and stupid, then there wouldn’t be an issue. 

There was a day Enjin had pulled him aside and talked to him. Not quite a scolding, but it was close to one. He basically said that Rudo needed to chill out. ASAP, or else.

Rudo had huffed and stormed past him, but not before bumping into Enjin’s side as his way of warning. Enjin is a hard book to read, and he won’t waste his time trying to decipher his riddle and rhymes.

____

Peels of squeaky laughter slithered into Rudo’s room, loud enough to pull him out of his sleep with a whimper. He doesn’t know what time he went to sleep last night, but judging from the stray gadgets and gears caught in between his sheets, it must’ve been late. 

The first thing Rudo registers when he gives himself a moment to partially wake up is how bright his room is. His curtains are drawn back, and his window is open—something he definitely doesn’t recall doing last night.

Riyo must’ve dropped in.

Light pours into each crack and crevice of his room and all he can do is squeeze his eyes shut, rubbing the remnants of crusted drool  and sleep from his face. It only helps a little. 

Rudo isn’t sure how to process the fact that he has a headache so bad that it feels like a cat trying to claw a tunnel out of his skull, and the steady thrum of his scars acting out at the same time. Double homicide

Then it’s loud outside? Well, louder than usual. 

Rudo’s teeth grit together as he cups his hands over his ears. Most days he wouldn’t care about the volume, but then again, most days he doesn’t feel like a piece of wet cardboard threatening to fold over.

Hungry, he tells himself. 

He must be hungry. Hangry. Whatever.

He didn't eat anything last night but candied apples and macaroons. They make his mouth water and his tongue tingle with excitement, but they’re not filling. 

Rudo forces himself up and presses a hand over his throat when a wave of nausea crashes into him. The tides receded back to a tranquil calm, thankfully, but Rudo knows better than to take it for granted.

Breakfast sounds enticing.

_____

Rudo walked into the dining hall and was less than pleased to find it reaching its capacity. People tend to linger, especially when their friends are around to keep him company.

Most of the Cleaners and Supporters took up the tables, leaving the bar style area free for the taking. Not a whole lot of people were over there, just a few unfamiliar faces and a girl with short blonde hair and a drab face. After fixing himself a bowl of cereal, Rudo decided to sit beside her.

“Good morning.” Rudo mumbled, climbing atop of the bar stool next to Eishia. She was dressed in her uniform, unlike Rudo, whose body was adorned in hand-me-downs. It’s a mix-match of Zanka’s old stuff and Enjin’s extra wardrobe.

A temporary arrangement until they saved up enough money to properly take Rudo shopping.

“Hi.” She greeted back gently, propping up a small and timid smile. She returned her gaze back to her mug. A cup of coffee that was more milk and creamer than actual coffee. Who knows how much sugar is in there, probably enough to tranquillize a Trash Beast if it were possible.

Rudo shovels a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, munching like there’s no tomorrow. The way it settles in his stomach is addictive. His next bite is rightfully larger than the last.

“Eishia?” Rudo manages around his food, his words smushed together by his packed cheeks. She looks over timidly, body shaking like a piece of paper caught in the wind. “I have a headache, do you think you can…”

She mumbles a small apology before placing a hand atop Rudo's forehead. Her palms are cold, and despite himself Rudo leans into it. When she pulls away, a frown is cementing itself into her delicate features. “I could give you pain killers if you come by Medical later today. I think you have a mild fever.”

Rudo’s face screws up. 

“Just your head hurts?” She asks, scanning Rudo a bit brazenly. When he nods in lieu of a verbal response, her frown deepens. “Does…does your neck hurt?”

Rudo blinks owlishly. “A little?”

“Can I…” Eishia says, leaning forward. This time however, Rudo jerks back with wide eyes and a racing heart. His shocked expression must spook Eishia because within seconds she’s pulling back as if she were burned. 

“Sorry,” she squeaks, forcing her hands together. “I just…I thought…”

Rudo touches the spot Eishia would’ve touched moments ago. A small wave of embarrassment washes over him. “It’s okay.” 

“It’s not,” she says seriously. She fidgets with her fingers. Well, her gloves. “I’m not sure how to go about this. I don’t think properly when a smell hits me so strongly. My nose is sensitive so that’s why—”

Rudo feels his soul leave his body. “Do I stink?”

“Sorry!” Eishia says again, just solidifying Rudo’s fears. He wants to crawl into a hole and rot. Yeah, he went dumpster diving yesterday, but he took a hot shower afterwards. Apparently not a good one.

Rudo glances down at his cereal. Suddenly he’s not very hungry anymore.

_____

On his way back his headache worsened, and so did his mood. 

He stinks. 

He doesn’t know what’s worse: him sitting next to Eishia long enough for her to catch a whiff of his funk or her indirectly telling Rudo that he stinks after enduring it for an uncomfortably long period of time. And to top it off, her nose is sensitive to smells.

Great. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Rudo was in a rush to his room, he will admit that. Anyone else who smelled like hot ass on a friday morning would have the same amount of urgency as he did if they were him. In his rush he may or may not have bumped into someone.

Words were exchanged, and were they pleasant? No. 

Did Rudo care? No.

Was he having a screaming match with a boy that wasn’t much older than him, all while a girl tries, and fails to intervene between them? Yes. She looked all weepy and cowardly, even as she latched her trembling fingers into her friend’s (brother’s?) shirt.

Her efforts were abysmal.

He doesn’t care. He couldn’t force himself to care, not when the elder teen had his finger poking at Rudo’s forehead. He was quite literally and metaphorically talking down to him, with a tone so full of entitlement Rudo couldn’t help but snarl.

“Stop,” said the girl, and she sounded just like Eishia with August. Just more panicked. “We’re sorry—”

“We? We? He—” Another poke. “—bumped into you!”

Rudo’s eyes honed in on his fingers, squinting. Calculating.

“Barron, it’s fine.” She tugged at his arm, but it didn’t budge.

Barron ignored her. “Say sorry.”

Poke.

“Stop touching me,” Rudo said instead.

“Or what?”

_____

The sharp metallic sting on his tongue and the ache in his teeth tell him everything he needs to know. He just knows someone is hurt, and it’s his fault. He knows that he ran away when everyone crowded around the girl and him, but he managed to squeeze past rough hands that tried holding him back. He doesn’t remember, but he knows it’s his fault. 

_____

Most of the time, Rudo loathes his brain. It never works the way he needs it to, and he adamantly believes it never will. That block of mush in his head is broken; a liability if anything. It makes him do stupid things for stupid reasons. 

Today may be the first and last time that he appreciates his brain’s incompetence. Rudo’s legs carry him through the twist and turns of the hallways, his thighs burning hot as each step he takes pushes him further and faster than the last. That sharp and lingering sting is the only thing he can focus on, and he’s so grateful that his mind shuts down just enough for him to not think.

He wasn’t thinking when he foolishly stopped in front of Zanka’s room. Seeking him out for God knows what. He certainly wasn’t thinking when he peeped his head inside of his room, either.

Zanka tosses a glance over his shoulder and his face melts into a grimace. His bangs are pulled back into a clip, revealing the full severity of his blatant displeasure. He’s not dressed in his usual uniform, instead soft and baggy pajamas hang across his frame, pooling at his sides. 

“Don’t you know how to knock?” He drawls with thinly veiled annoyance.

Rudo visibly bristles, his grip tightening around the door knob.

Any praise and gratitude that he had given his brain earlier, he takes it back. Of course when he’s on autopilot, in a moment of weakness in distress, it brings him to more stress. Gris was a very viable option. Hell, Riyo was better!

Zanka posts himself as a reserved and collected guy. Just an average joe. It’s a shitty front he puts on for the general public, but whenever he’s around Rudo that pretty porcelain mask cracks straight down the middle. 

If Rudo so much as breathes wrong in his general direction, Zanka is fuming like a kettle on a hot plate. He only tries to be cool and mature for Enjin. 

He’s such a suck up for that guy.

“Don’t you know how to not be ugly?” Rudo spits back with a twitch of his eye. 

Zanka lifts a singular dotted eyebrow. “Aren’t you too old to make childish insults like that?”

It's like he tore open an old wound, and the smug smile that followed after his comment was just salt slathered on top.

“Shut it, turdface.” 

“You’re just proving my point.”

“Mr. Bad Attitude!"

Zanka gets all red in the face and snaps his body towards Rudo just to throw a pencil case in his direction. It misses severely, but its contents splatter out on the ground like an artistic tragedy. “Get out.” 

“Why?” Rudo challenges, just to be difficult. He doesn't understand what’s got him all keyed up like this. It’s a silly argument. He knows that but he just can’t back down. His body won’t let him; he’s officially locked in, especially with that familiar tingle beneath his skin. The one from earlier.

It works like a whisper in his ear, goading him on for more. A reaction—physical, verbal, emotional—something. He needs it. Needs something from Zanka. Anything. Anything to make it feel like his skin wasn’t ebeing stretched across his body.

Zanka flips him off and turns back around. “Fuck off Rudo, I’m not in the mood for your temper tantrum.”

Temper? Temper tan…

“I’m not throwing a tantrum.”

“You are.” Zanka deflects easily.

“I’m not.” 

Rudo hears Zanka huff. “Sure. Whatever. Don’t care, get out.”

Anger swells in Rudo’s chest. He doesn’t second guess himself as he swipes his arm across Zanka’s desk, launching books, stationary, and whatever else that was peacefully residing there. 

The sound is deafening, and the weight of Rudo’s actions come barreling in almost as fast as Zanka springing out of his seat. His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets the way he gapes at the mess on the ground then to Rudo, then back to the mess on the ground. 

Suddenly that shimmering anger is replaced with bubbling guilt.

Rudo stares at the mess himself and oh, wow, he broke a few things, didn’t he? Why would he do that? He can’t even say it was an accident, not when there was intent behind it. He just felt so…so much. So upset and angry. It wasn’t him throwing a…

Rudo bites his lip. 

He can fix it.

With his Jinki, he can fix it. It won’t be the same though. Should he even bother if that’s the case?

Rudo doesn’t move. Something in his body is telling, no, screaming at him not to. There’s a shift in the dead air that hangs between, and to interrupt that further is nothing short of stupid, but—

“I…I’m sorry.” Rudo sputtered pathetically. He takes a small step back. 

Thick incense swirls with suffocating smoke, heady and dizzying all the same. Rudo’s head spins, and his headache feels worse than before.

“Yer a little shit, y'know that?” 

Curling into himself, Rudo mumbles, “I said sorry.” 

“Sorry ain’t worth anything when my stuff is on the floor. Broken!”

Rudo heaves a breath, shallow and fast, taking another step ba—

“No,” Zanka jeers, grabbing a fistful of Rudo’s collar. “Pick it up.”

More smoke. 

Where the hell is that coming from? Is it Zanka? He doesn’t smoke…does he? He doesn’t smell like tobacco the same way Enjin does, but it’s still gross.

Rudo squirms and once he realizes it’s a losing battle, he shoves Zanka off of him. “Fuck off!” He barks, but his voice cracks and crumbles towards the end of it into a pitched whine. 

One higher and squeakier than he’s ever heard before. 

Rudo instantly slaps a hand over his mouth and he looks over to Zanka with his trembling figure.

Zanka’s eyes are all wide and shiny with worry. The enhanced sharpness of his features dull significantly the longer he stares at Rudo. It’s nothing short of humiliating and it makes his insides go all hot gooey, but not in a good way. In a I-think-I’m-gonna-shit-myself-and-die kinda way.

Before he can say anything, much less internally scorn himself, Zanka’s hands are back on him. Softer now, almost delicate. He draws Rudo into his room, bringing him close. He shuts the door behind them.

“What are you—”

“Shaddup,” Zanka said, voice smooth and calm. Rudo did, but with much reluctance and a huff. 

He’s never stood this close to Zanka before, not in a casual manner. There’s been countless times where the two were a mess of tangled limbs during one of their escalated arguments, fueled by the cheers and cackles of Riyo.

This is different.

This is nice, Rudo realizes.

Zanka isn’t close enough for a hug, there’s still a taunting gap of space between them that Rudo learns that he doesn’t like, but he’s there. There and warm and…and…

Rudo feels a little delirious. That heavy scent of smoke is gone, replaced by something soft and light. A sweet musk with subtle and clean undertones. Maybe it’s because of the headache, or maybe it’s because of the way Zanka languidly drags his palm over Rudo forehead, cheeks, and stopping just above his neck. Whatever it is, the younger teen is swaying .

He almost feels…relaxed. Something that’s evaded him for a long, long time. 

It must be this smell. A cologne maybe? Zanka doesn’t seem like the type of guy to wear cologne considering how much he complains about his sensitive nose. He must be a liar. Whatever Zanka is wearing, Rudo wants to shove his face into it.

Rudo emits another whine, less striking than the last one, but still present nonetheless. His eyes feel heavy. He closes them, expression tight enough to form a diamond in the rough. “Sorry…I keep…”

“Shaddup.” Zanka says again, though it’s not unkind. It’s just plain and calm, almost comforting. Again, Rudo shuts up, but this time he melts. He is thankful that he’s not being teased like he thought he would.

Zanka presses the spot in the crook of Rudo’s neck, earning a sharp and startled hiss. He stills Rudo with a soft murmur and a half-assed apology.

“Hurts.” Rudo’s petulance goes unanswered for just a moment, before Zanka is sighing and breaking away. The scent of incense follows him; Rudo mourns it tragically.

Zanka turns on his heels and walks towards his closet, pulling out a small face towel, and heads towards the bathroom. The tap runs. Rudo sways in place, blinking owlishly when Zanka comes back with a damp towel and an exasperated look on his face.

“Stupid Pups,” he grumbles, grabbing Rudo’s face and pushing it to the side. Rudo makes a warbled sound of protest. What’s with all the physical touch from him today? Rudo indulges Team Akuta’s grubby hands and passing touches on occasion, but this is weird. Really fucking weird.

 “First you come in here throwing a temper tantrum—”

“—I said sorry—”

“—Then you come in here smelling like sour milk,” Zanka scrubs harder. Rudo yelps, screwing his eyes shut. He presses his hands against Zanka’s shoulder, but his bones feel like jelly, and he’s pretty sure he’s still halfway on cloud nine from earlier. “Yer real stupid. And you’re bleeding.”

Rudo chokes. “I am?”

Zanka pulls back the towel and there’s traces of dried up blood on the towel. It’s gross. 

It’s not his blood.

Rudo brings a hand to his face, biting his lip. He doesn’t know what to say. There’s so much to say. He wasn’t throwing a damn temper tantrum for starters, and Zanka’s nose must be broken because he smells fine. He took a shower last night. 

More importantly—

“I’m not a dog.” 

Zanka gives him a funny look, but ultimately doesn’t bother wasting his breath. Instead, he throws the rag at Rudo, watching as it hits him square in the face.. “Go clean up.”

____

Zanka hears the water running and sinks into his chair the moment it does. He doesn’t get to enjoy even that as a series of rough knocks rattle his door. He rolls his eyes and forces himself up to his feet with a groan. At least they knocked.

He opens the door.

“Enjin?” Zanka says, his voice warming with each note. The mystified and excited air around him pops like bubbles once he catches the elder man’s shifty eyes peering atop of his head—into his room. 

“Hey,” he says after a moment. He sounds absolutely winded, there’s a faint flush rising up his neck. “Sorry, I ain’t mean to bang all hard on your door like that. Just looking for the kid.”

“Rudo?” Zanka grimaces. “He’s in here. Told him to wash up, I think he’s hurt.”

Enjin snorts, a disbelieving and incredulous sound.

Zanka side eyes him. “What’s wrong?”

“Rudo fucked up is what’s wrong, now I gotta handle it.”

Zanka snorts. “What did he do this time? Take your cigars?”

“He bit someone.” 

Zanka chokes. “What?”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been letting him run his mouth, so it’s my fault.” Enjin chewed at his bottom lip. 

“He bit someone?” He rasped, sounding significantly more disappointed and shocked than ever. 

“Woah, you ain’t tell me all that!”

“Riyo?”

Riyo popped her head from behind Enjin, her long red hair trickling over her shoulders. She must’ve just woken up. Zanka assumes Enjin all but plummeted her door in the same way he did Zanka’s. 

“Alright, shut up. Shut up. Look, I’m not even gonna lie—I’m stressed. Let me explain while he’s still up there.”

____

Rudo takes his sweet time in Zanka’s bathroom. By the time he comes out, he’s all washed up, face shiner polished silver. He even smells better. The sour scent of milk and distress no longer clings to him, at least not as strong as before. Though, the second he steps through the bathroom door and sees everyone sitting on Zanka’s bed, the room sours.

Enjin stares at Rudo, arms crossed over his chest. Rudo shrinks in return, dipping his head, looking like a puppy getting scolded. The heavy silence is all it takes for Rudo to fold like a house of cards. “It was an accident.”

“An accident?”

“She just…I don’t know. I got all angry.” His managed weakly, his voice dying with his confidence. “I didn’t mean to bite her, I was trying to b…I mean…”

“Oh.” Rudo curls into himself impossibly further. “So you missed your target, so that makes it okay?”

Something flickers in Rudo’s eyes. “No!”

Enjin mutters with a shake of his head, something about ‘kids’ and ‘bothersome’.

“I want you to go put your nose in that corner, and if I see you turn around I’m shoving my foot up your ass.”

Rudo’s face plummets through several shades of red. His pupil contracts into little pinpricks. Earlier’s flicker of defiance lights up to a roaring flame; burning so hot that it practically radiates off of him.

“I’m not some kid you can boss around!”

Zanka winces, dragging his gaze towards Enjin’s cocked brow. A fat, bulging vein makes itself known across his temple as he takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with his calloused hands. “Rudo.”

“No!” He growls. “It was an accident! He was asking for—”

“Rudo,” Enjin cuts in, voice cold and harder than steel. It makes Zanka’s skin tingle. “I don’t care how old you are. It’s either you get in that corner or you’re getting spanked like a little kid, since you’re going around acting like one.”

Rudo sputters. “You…you can’t do that.” 

“Do you want to find out?”

The silence is deafening.

“Right. This isn’t a discussion. This isn’t a negotiation. This is me giving you directions. Face the corner. Now.”

The finality behind his words stomps what little fight Rudo had previously worked up. With his mouth agape, and his eyes wide and wet, he nods. Then turns, and promptly presses his nose into the crevice of where the two walls meet.

“Just…stay there.” Enjin clears his throat, biting his lip. After a moment of quiet contemplation, he says, “Riyo.”

“Yes?” She squeaks, very much uncharacteristic for her, along with the slight flush to her cheeks. Zanka doesn’t blame her, it’s been a while since they’ve seen Enjin like…whatever this was. Of course Rudo would be the one to pull Enjin out of his depth like that.

“Stay here. If he moves out of that corner—” He taps his Choker, and in response it crackles on Riyo’s end. “Got it?”

She nods slowly.

“Zanka.”

“Yes?”

Without waiting for a response, he grabs the teenager’s sleeve with a little more force than needed. “C’mon.”

Chapter Text

It’s a little embarrassing to admit, and she’ll never do so out loud, but Enjin is Riyo’s role model. 

There, she said it. Happy? 

Enjin is a charismatic disaster that wreaks havoc on anyone or anything that’ll give him the time of day. His easy going smile, calm demeanor, and unwavering confidence is what drew Riyo in like a moth to a flame. She wasn’t immune to his influence, good God, how could she be? 

Enjin was cool. He was funny. He was kinda mean and childish. He was so disgustingly human and raw it made Riyo’s eyes bleed. 

She wanted to be that. 

For the first time, in a really, really long time, she had someone to look up to. A goal of sorts, a means to an end. She engrossed herself with this fantasy for a little while. The one where she imagined herself all big, tough, and cool like Enjin. 

She might’ve picked up on a few of his bad habits, but she learned with time, and lectures, that she didn’t need to be him. It was okay if she had her own interests, listened to her own music, and did not smoke Enjin’s cigarettes. 

More importantly it was okay to be a Beta. 

Riyo’s presentation hit her harder than it should’ve. She wanted to be an Alpha, just like him. One night she told him just as much. She was tired, sad, maybe a little confused. She doesn’t remember. She was just rambling on and on because Enjin was letting her.

She had just experienced her last Splash and the curdling twist of her insides mixed with her overheated body just made her lips loose. 

“Being a Beta is just as good, Riyo.” Enjin assured, carding his hand through her hair. She was utterly drenched with tears and sweat. She’s been in bed for days. The only reason she’s not dead from dehydration is because Enjin decided to stick around. To him it wasn’t a hassle. Taking care of her was like second nature.

“You’re so full of it.”

“I am?”

Riyo ran her tongue over her cracked lips, eyeing the man critically. “Yeah,” she concluded. “Alpha’s are like, top of the chain. That’s just common sense. They’re so…good at everything.”

“You think I’m good at everything?”

Riyo turned her already flushed face in the opposite direction. It was a genuine question, coated in several layers of sincerity and seriousness. Her clumpy eyelashes fluttered close, her heart ‘pit-pat-pit’ing faster than usual. 

Just for a second. 

A second, and that's all it takes for her breath to stutter. Riyo shrugs. She mumbles and squirms in her tangled sheets, drawing them close with the little strength that was left in her jelly arms. 

“Riyo.” Enjin said, drawing out the syllables in her name. “You don’t honestly think that, do you?”

“...It’s not fair.” She croaked weakly. The serenity that had carefully tiptoed inside the room earlier fled with such urgency that it took Enjin’s breath away. Riyo heard it—the sharp intake of air. Smelled his scent shift in the already pheromone polluted space. Between sniffles she hiccups, “I’m not good like you. I’m not good at jack shit.”

“Being an Alpha doesn’t automatically make you ‘good’, just like how being a Beta doesn’t make you ‘bad’.” Riyo grunted. “Y’know how everyone says Alphas are smart and all that other junk?”

Riyo turned head, though just marginally.

“That’s bullshit. Ask Semiu, she’ll tell you all of the stupid crap I’ve done over the years. I tried to challenge Corvus once.”

“WHAT?”

“See how dumb that sounds?” 

Dumb is a nefarious understatement. What’s more outrageous is even thinking of how that interaction went down. Did Corvus accept his challenge, or did he laugh him off? Were things awkward afterwards? Entertaining this line of thought was so aimless, hilarious, but aimless nonetheless.

“Alphas are more…emotionally driven. Instincts are stronger with us. We’re more likely to act before thinking, unlike a Beta—” He points at Riyo. She blinks dumbly, ignoring how her insides feel all warm and gooey. “—who is level headed and has enough common sense to keep themselves out of trouble.”

Riyo’s breath stalls, building up in her chest. It comes tumbling out after Enjin’s next words. 

“You’re a lot better than me when it comes to that sort of stuff.”

_____

That conversation was years ago, but wow, talk about a full circle moment. Riyo’s only seen Enjin flip his lid a handful of times. Like seriously freak the fuck out and get all serious.

Once with her, after the little smoking tragedy. Then another with Zanka, who had stupidly followed in her footsteps. Rudo’s biting incident took the cake entirely. 

Enjin smelled like burning wood. Straight up, it was pouring off of him. Riyo had  to cover her nose with her shirt, but even that didn’t help all that much. Even Rudo looked a little affected, swaying in the corner and lightly bumping his head into the wall every so often.

It’s not his fault. Riyo remembers how sensitive smells were to her when she was still unpresented, so Rudo shouldn’t be any different. At the very least, he smelled a bit better. Heavy emphasis on a bit. 

Between the sour milk and burning wood, Riyo wasn’t sure which one would knock her out first.

“Riyo.” Enjin says.

Her eyes are on him in an instant. “Yes?”

“Stay here. Just watch him until we get back. If he moves out of the corner—” Enjin taps his Choker, and Riyo can hear hers crackle in reply. “Got it?”

She nods slowly, and that’s all it takes before Enjin is dragging Zanka out of the room with the gracefulness of a bull in a china shop. 

So she’s left there with Rudo and the aftermath of his temper tantrum to keep her company. She’s still sitting on Zanka’s bed, curling her fingers into wrinkled shirts and cotton sheets. Normally the mixed fabrics with differing smells would comfort her, but with her eyes glued to the floor she just feels detached from it all.

Out of the three of them, Zanka had the cleanest room. He’s a neat freak, and to an extent Riyo can admire his organizational nonsense. He tucks and buries the ‘ugly’, leaving out plush blankets, warm lamps, a stuffed animal or two. He says he only keeps them because they were gifts, but that’s the fattest lie Riyo’s ever heard.

Zanka’s room is irrefutably the best place to just crash for a couple of hours and not worry about anything. He just recently started to loosen up about allowing guests inside of his space. 

Riyo brings herself off the bed, squatting on the ground and picking up a stray pencil. She already knows the answer to her question, “you did this?”

She hears Rudo shift behind her. Very softly he mumbles, “yes.”

Riyo tosses her gaze over her shoulder, crinkling her nose. To hell what Enjin thinks about Betas, Riyo was just as rash as he was on certain days. “Why?” 

Rudo flinched. “I was…upset.”

“Bro.”

“I said sorry.” He tries weakly.

“Why are you sorry?” 

Silence. Deafening silence.

She does not have the patience for this. Is this a Rudo thing? An unpresented thing? A boy thing? Why is so he stupid? He’s been acting like a dickfor these past few days, and Riyo came to his defense a few times, she’ll admit. Mostly because she thought he was adjusting and being angsty. She was guilty of the same thing when she joined the Cleaners.

Any benefit of the doubt is firmly tossed out the window after pulling whatever this is on Zanka. Then to bite someone? He’s so lucky he got away with just corner time. 

“C’mere.” She commands with a huff in her voice. Rudo shuffles over awkwardly, though he walks… “Turn your ass around and stop walking backwards!”

“But Enjin—”

“He’s not here, and I’m not going to tattle or whatever.” 

Rudo remains tense, but ultimately he doesn’t argue. He sits down beside Riyo in a somewhat empty spot. “Was…was he lying about the…” Rudo murmurs, voice tapering off.

“What?”

“Yknow!”

“…Spanking you?” Rudo nods with enough force to give himself whiplash. Riyo snorts, “no.”

Mortification pulls at his face, leaving him pale and ghastly. “Have you—”

“Not answering that.” Riyo cut in, waving him off. His bottom lip juts out, but doesn’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. “If you had been here last year, he totally would’ve.”

“Oh.”

“You deserve it though.”

“What?”

Riyo gives him a sideways look, pushing her hair out the way just so he can fully appreciate the judgement in her gaze. “Rudo, you’ve been acting like a jerk. You weren’t like this when you first got here.”

He was all soft and awkward then. Clinging to Enjin more often than not, evading unfamiliar faces with jumbled excuses. He kept to himself those first few days, then his attitude spiked out of nowhere. Riyo didn’t care at first. She’s guilty of defending him the first few times, but after a while she pulls back.

Riyo and maybe a few others confronted Enjin on the matter, but he assured them he had it handled. The lies he tells.

“I know,”. His gaze drifts off elsewhere. “I feel irritated all the time. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I feel all nauseous when I wake up in the mornings.”

“Have you visited Eishia at all?”

“This morning.”

“No,” Riyo chidded sharply. “Before this morning. If you’ve been feeling this all week, then you must’ve taken a few minutes out of your day for a check up, right?”

Sour. Rotten. Acidic. 

“I thought it would go away on its own.” Rudo confesses wetly. He curls into himself, bringing his knees to his chest with a shuddering sigh. He doesn’t move, and if Riyo didn’t know better she’d think Rudo had keeled over from shame. The small shake in his shoulders tells her otherwise. 

It’s barely noticeable at first, but it grows as time continues to drag on, becoming more aggressive with each vibration. 

“Are you…” Riyo carefully takes Rudo’s hands into her own, pushing it far enough to see his wobbly lip and glistening eyes. “Jeez.”

“Shut up.” He murmured, but there was no fight behind his words. Just exhaustion and the ashes of defeat. Rudo scrubs at his face—his tears and snot to be exact. “I can’t even control my feelings. I don’t know why I’m crying. It’s stupid. I’m so stupid.”

Riyo makes a sound of displeasure. She returns to her previous resting position, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “Do you want a hug or something?”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind.” She rushes. Where’s Gris when you need him? He’s better at providing comfort and reassurance than Riyo is by a long shot. She feels a hand grab her arm, tugging it slightly.

“I do.” Rudo says dumbly. Riyo stared at him and after literally swallowing his pride Rudo clarifies, “A hug. Can we do that? If it’s not weird, I mean.”

Riyo continues to stare at him. Then to his hand. Rudo yanks it back like he’s been burned.

“We don’t have to!” He squeaks. 

The ends of Riyo’s lips prop up into a smile. It takes her seconds to scoop Rudo into a hug. It takes him less time to sag bonelessly against her, wrapping his arms around her frame. “Better?” She asks, propping her cheek up against his shoulder. He hums, letting out a deep breath that tickles her neck.

“Your perfume is nice.” Rudo mumbles.

Riyo feels her cheeks warm, her hands curling into Rudo’s shirt. “I’m not wearing any.” 

“Shampoo?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

There’s silence. Then movement. Movement turns into friction. 

“Are you scenting me?”

She doesn’t particularly care about being scented. It just rarely ever happens. Being a Beta and all, her scent doesn’t really stick like Zanka’s or Enjin’s. On top of that, her scent is extremely muted, even for a Beta. For Rudo to practically shove his face against her neck is…yeah. It’s weird.

Rudo doesn’t respond. That makes the whole thing feel even weirder. In fact, it sends a cold shiver up Riyo’s spine, prompting her to push Rudo away. 

He looked absolutely gone. He gawked at Riyo as if she had personally slapped him across the face; heartbroken and betrayed. He inched forward.

“Woah.” Riyo yelped. “You can’t just force someone to scent you. Or scent someone randomly. That’s rude.”

“Scenting?” Rudo mumbles back, words slurring together. 

“Y’know?” Riyo says, and Rudo stares at her blankly, indicating that he very much did not know. Maybe half of what she was saying was going through one ear and out the other. Not a single coherent thought rests behind those big red eyes.

“You have these glands that have your scent in it.” Wrist, cheeks, thighs, and neck. With her hands pointing on the last one, she says, “This is the most sensitive area. It’s a really private spot, so people don’t just go up and touch it unless they're close.”

“Okay.” Rudo fumbles and tries to grab her wrist, his grip is loose and messy. “Can we do that?”

Yeah, not a single thing she said went through his damn head. “Were you listening?”

“Riyo…” Rudo complained in a dignified sort of way. He totally didn’t whine. That’s for babies. 

“Don’t get your undies in a twist.” Riyo huffed, pulling up the sleeves to her shirt. “Just a little bit. You should ask properly instead of whining.”

“I don’t whine.” Riyo snorts. “I don’t!”

“Rudo, you’re a pup. It’s cool if you don’t, and it’s normal if you do.”

Dear still does it, and frequently at that. It’s normally because he’s cranky and needs a nap, or maybe he just misses Bro. Either way, it’s pretty easy to calm him down. Rudo’s the same. It just seems like he wants to be scented, but looks too awkward to actually seek it out. 

How he survived as long as he had is  a mystery to her.

“Zanka called me that,” Rudo says as Riyo rubs her wrists together. The faintest floral scent trickles into the air. It smells like tea.  “I’m not a dog. I don’t like it when you call me that.”

Riyo grabs Rudo’s hands into her own and instantly feels stupid. His hands are bandaged and gloved. Even if they weren’t, who’s to say if his glands worked? “Are you being a deadass or are you being sarcastic?”

“Deadass.”

Riyo lifts her gaze, looking at him through her lashes. “What about the term ‘unpresented’, ringing any bells?”

Through gritted teeth he manages, “…No.” 

“Ah,” Riyo grimaces as things start to click into place. “I’m not going to be the one to give you this talk.”

“What talk?”

“The whole Secondary Gender talk. Everyone gets it.” At least, they should be. 

“I’m…Im a boy though?”

Riyo can’t choke down the bark of laughter that erupts from the pit of her belly. Rudo continues to look all pitiful and lost, and it’s enough for her to sober up marginally. 

He rubs the back of his neck and asks, “is it something bad?”

“No, no. You’re not like, dying or whatever. Don’t stress about it. The secondary thing is like a sex talk.”

Rudo chokes.

“You know what that is, right?”

“Yes! Yes! Nevermind. Can you…can you please?” He gestures weakly. 

Riyo gets the picture. She laughs before bringing her wrists up to Rudo’s neck. “Tell me when to stop.”

______

“I know I’m not tripping,” Enjin crosses his arms over his chest, tilting his head back with his face screwed together. “That little shit growled at me.”

“That’s what you’re stuck on? Are you being so serious right now? Him growling is the thing that's tripping you up?”

 “Not tripping me up.” Enjin corrects.

Zanka doesn’t know what he was expecting when Enjin pulled him out of his room like a madman, but it certainly wasn’t this. He thought maybe they’d go somewhere quiet and private to discuss the delicate situation at hand. Not argue in the middle of the damn hallway.

Apparently Enjin had wanted to “cool off”, but he was just working himself up the longer he sat there thinking about it.

Thankfully there’s a lack of audience to observe them. In that aspect, Zanka is given a sliver of mercy. 

It’s been a long morning. Too long of a morning, actually. He had woken up feeling energized and motivated. All of that is positivity he woke up with? Gone. Zanka is seriously considering putting hands on Rudo.

The boy is having the luckiest day of his life if all he got was a bit of time in the corner. 

“Enjin?” 

Enjin pauses his theatrics and drags his gaze to the source: Eishia. She was standing there, all wide eyed and stiff with a mountain of bandages in her hands.It doesn’t look like her morning was treating her any better. 

Enjin frowns. “You good?”

“I’m fine,” she insists, but it lacks any genuine conviction. “Are…are you okay?”

Are you hurt? Do you need help? Goes unsaid. Enjin and Zanka glance at each other before assuring her that they’re more than okay.They were more concerned about Eishia who looked worse for wear. She sighs heavily, before stepping outside and closing the door behind her with a soft click.

“Have you seen Rudo?”

Enjin’s mood immediately sours. “Yes.” He replies curtly.

“I have a girl in Medical, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but he…bit…her.” Eishia squirms. “I just need to run some tests to make sure he doesn’t have anything. The bite is deep, I’m having difficulty stopping the bleeding.”

“If you want to run some tests, we can take you to him. I was gonna drag him over anyways.” 

Eishia takes a slow step forward. “I’ll just…drop this off and—”

“We’ll just come with you.” 

Eishia doesn’t object, she simply hurries down the hallways with the two hot in her trail.

_____

Walking back into Zanka’s room was sobering. He had somewhat forgotten about the mess on his floor. Despite that, he clearly remembered that Rudo was not nose deep against Riyo’s neck when they had left. 

“Is he sleeping?” Zanka sputters. Did all that huffing and puffing Rudo did earlier tucker him out? 

Riyo shakes her head. “I think he kinda passed out?”

“Kinda passed out?” Enjin parrots. “Kinda passed out? Riyo, girl, say you’re joking.”

“Is he dead?” Zanka whispers.

“Oh god.” Eishia stammers. “Oh God. On God. I can’t fix death. Oh God, pleasedontjokelikethat—”

“Eishia, please, please. Rudo is fine. He’s just kinda…” Enjin wraps his hand around Rudo’s scrawny itty bitty arm. Even when he’s dead asleep, he fights back. A rumble? No, a growl rings in the air. Agrowl. Rudo snakes his arms around Riyo’s arm, shamelessly rubbing his cheek all over her shirt. 

Enjin doesn’t even have the energy to get worked up anymore. He just…gives in. “Riyo, did you scent him?”

“He smelled all sour, I thought it’d help. Like two seconds later he just…taps out.”  Rudo starts to slip off her shoulder. She fixes him. He starts to slip off. Again. “Can someone grab him?” 

Zanka takes the fattest step backwards with his hands raised in surrender. Both Riyo and Enjin shoot him with exasperated glares. He doesn’t budge; he doesn’t need to, not when Enjin folds like a house of cards and mumbles under his breath. 

He moves Rudo to Riyo’s lap, like that’s any better. It’s something.

“I think he's scent drunk.” Eishia informs gently. She presses her hand atop of Rudo’s forehead like she had done earlier that morning. He’s burning up. If that wasn’t enough to raise concern, then the small protruding bump in the crook of his neck definitely was. “Oh.”

Enjin quirks a brow. “What?” 

“He’s presenting.” Riyo slinks her arms around Rudo, messily pulling him against her side. It’s almost endearing the way Rudo settles with just a few soft murmurs.

“Isn’t he too old for that?” Riyo says.

The average presentation age was six to twelve years old. Fifteen was pushing it.

“No, he’s just a late bloomer it seems. It’s not completely unheard of, just a bit uncommon.” Eishia nibbles at her bottom lip. “If we bring him to Medical, I’ll be able to properly monitor him.”

Enjin’s just about up for anything at this point.

Chapter Text

Riyo isn’t too great with her words, Rudo slowly realizes as he spends more time with her. Today has made that abundantly clear to him as he’s been reduced to nothing but a pile of hurt feelings and choked off whimpers.

“Shut up,” Rudo murmurs weakly. His bottom lip trembles terribly, and he can feel the familiar sting of tears in the corners of his eyes. He scrubs his face, pathetically smearing snot and other gross bodily fluids against his sleeve. Beneath Riyo’s concern is a poorly concealed layer of disgust. “I can’t even control my stupid feelings. I don’t…I don’t even know why I’m crying—Its so stupid. I’m so stupid.”

He chokes down the messy hiccup threatening to spill past his lips, turning his body away from Riyo. He can feel her heavy gaze dragging across the surface of his back—sharp and unyielding. For a moment, between his sniffles, Rudo thinks she’s going to chastise him. Instead, to his mild surprise, she sighs. 

It’s drawn out and very much exasperated, but it gets him to peak over his shoulder with a pinched expression. 

Riyo fidgets with the hem of her shirt, her eyes failing to meet Rudo’s. “Do you want a hug or something?”

Rudo feels his brain short-circuit. “Huh?”

He can’t help it. It’s just so random. A little uncharacteristic if anything; it catches him off guard entirely. Judging from the way Riyo screws up her face, it seems that she’s shocked at herself as well. 

“Nevermind.” She rushes out.

“I do.” Rudo blurts almost just as fast, grabbing her arm in the process. When Riyo stares at him with her big unblinking green eyes, he clarifies, “A hug. Can we…can we do that? If it’s not weird, I mean.”

Riyo doesn’t say anything. She switches her attention from his (most definitely red and sweaty) face then to his hand. Rudo traces her line of sight and just about yanks his hand away like he was burned. 

“We don’t have to!” He squeaks out. 

Rudo is seconds away from spiraling, but before he gets the chance Riyo flashes a smile. 

He blinks.

The next second she’s snaking her arms under his and wraps them around his back. She squeezes firmly, a grounding technique on her part that Rudo finds himself melting into.

Now, Rudo has no room to talk, but Riyo is small. Just a few inches shy from meeting Rudo in stature, but sitting down like this all tangled together just made that tiny fact startling clear. Her size doesn’t stop her from swallowing Rudo deeper into their hug, her hair draping over him, encasing him in a curtain of messy red hair and—

Tea? It smelled a little floral, almost like the crushed and dried up flowers Rudo would steal from the city folk on rare occasions. When Riyo slightly shifts against him, lifting her head up just the tiniest bit, Rudo is hit by a wave of the faint aroma.

He shakily lets out a breath, one he didn’t know he was holding.

“Better?”

Rudo swallows thickly, nodding against her shoulder. Riyo hums and assumes her previous resting position. A few seconds pass and the words slip out of his mouth before he can stop himself, “Your perfume is nice.”

She stiffens beneath him, her fingers curling into his shirt. “I’m…not wearing any?”

“Shampoo?”

“No.” Riyo grumbles, voice edged with warning. 

Rudo can take a hint; he shuts up fast. He buries his face back to its previous spot and may…or may not rub his nose against her neck. On accident, he swears. He just got a really strong urge all of a sudden (he’s not a weirdo, please, he swears). 

“Are you scenting me?” 

Rudo doesn’t respond, either out of mortification or the new found dizziness, he remains silent. 

Perhaps that was the wrong move on his part.

Riyo pushes him away and it feels like a bucket of ice water was poured over him. Riyo looked equal parts shocked and disbelieving, but Rudo’s the one who’s feelings are hurt right now. What was she upset about? Rudo didn’t push her away, it was quite the opposite if anything.

Like a magnet, he inches forward. Riyo yelps and pulls away. Again. Rudo feels his heart shatter in his chest. He really, really doesn’t want to start crying again. He needs this. He really, really needs this.

Needs it so bad that it feels like every atom in his being buzzes with greed and desperation just to get a little closer.

“You can’t just force someone to scent you.” She reprimands hotly. “That’s rude.”

Rudo stares at her for an extended period of time, giving himself the chance to process her words, but ultimately finds himself frowning. “Scenting?” He parrots. Tries to at least, his tongue feels like lead in his mouth and his fairing him any better.

“Y’know?”

Rudo stares at her blankly because he very much did not know. 

“Scenting.” She repeats as if clarity would strike him down like a bolt of lightning. “You were just doing it. Rudo, c’mon, you were all up on my scent gland just now.”

Scent. Scent gland. It doesn’t make sense. Riyo explains that he also has them and starts to point at different parts of his body, but in all honesty, he mentally taps out halfway through her lecture. 

He fumbles and messily grabs her wrist. His grip is loose, and his arms are shaking, but he doesn’t care. “Okay, so can we do that?”

Riyo kisses her teeth. “Were you listening?”

Rudo has never felt this desperate and humiliated in his life. He prays to whatever God that is willing to listen that he never has to experience such a severe degree of embarrassment again. “Riyo…” He complains in a dignified sort of way.

He totally didn’t whine; that’s for babies.

“Don’t get your undies in a twist.” She starts to roll up her sleeves, and Rudo feels hope start to swell in his chest. He thanks whatever higher power that answered his pleas. “Just…just a little bit, okay?”

Rudo eagerly nods. Riyo says something beneath her breath, but her words sound too far for his ears to discern.

“You should ask properly instead of whining.”

I don’t whine.” Riyo snorts, because she’s evil. It’s enough to ruffle Rudo’s feathers. “I don’t!”

“Rudo, you’re a pup. It’s cool if you don’t and it’s normal if you do.”

Riyo starts to rub her wrists together. The faint floral scent returns, trickling into the air. It definitely smells like some type of tea.

“Zanka called me that,” He struggles to articulate. Why was it so hard to speak all of a sudden? “I’m not—I’m not a dog. I don’t like it when you call me that.”

He’s been called worse on the Sphere, but that doesn’t stop the fact that being called a dog (or a mutt, as the city folk preferred) hurt him more than he’s willing to admit.

Riyo grabs his hands, pauses, and frowns to herself while she stares at Rudo’s gloves a bit too hard for his liking. He flexes his hands. 

“Are you being deadass or sarcastic?”

“Deadass.”

Riyo looks up through her lashes. Rudo feels like she’s picking him apart. “What about the term ‘unpresented’, ringing any bells?”

Through gritted teeth Rudo manages, “…No.”

“Ah,” Riyo grimaces. “I’m not going to be the one to give you this talk.”

“What talk?”

“The Secondary Gender talk. Everyone gets it.”

Rudo faintly remembers coming home from a dumpster diving session and getting caught with a tattered dress by Regto. He was going to patch it up, but the man caught it shoved beneath the couch one random afternoon.

Regto had sat him down and placed his big, rough hands on Rudo’s shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes. Their staring contest was uncomfortable, but the conversation that came after was infinitely worse.

He went on a tangent about how much he loves Rudo and cares for him and blah, blah, blah. At one point he asked, “is there anything you want to tell me?”

When Rudo said no he looked a bit disappointed, but pushed forward. All bullshit aside: Regto thought he was a girl. More specifically, he thought Rudo felt like he wanted to be a girl because of the dress? But the dress was for Chiwa and—yeah.

Apparently changing your gender is a thing. So Rudo is a little lost about why Riyo is bringing up this topic when it’s entirely unrelated. “I’m…I’m a boy though?”

A bark of laughter erupts from her throat, followed by bubbles of giggles and snorts. She clutches her belly as she falls forward, bumping into Rudo and making a bigger mess on the ground.

Riyo stops when she catches a glimpse of the terrible pout that settled on Rudo’s face. What if…what if the thing she’s talking about is more awkward than what Regto was on about?

He rubs the back of his neck and asks, “Is it something bad?”

“No, no. You’re not dying or whatever. Don’t stress yourself out.” She gives him a firm pat on the back. He doesn’t feel any better. “It’s kinda like a sex talk.”

Rudo chokes.

“You know what that is, right?”

“Yes! Yes! Nevermind. Can you…can you please?” His voice fails him, tampering off as his confidence evades him. He gestures weakly; Riyo understands.

Riyo laughs, the ends of her lips quirked upward in her familiar and teasing smile. She brings her wrists up to Rudo’s neck. His shudders at the skin to skin contact. 

“Tell me when to stop.” She instructed, but Rudo doesn’t know why in his right mind he would want that. She is not doing anything special; just slow and repetitive motions against his neck or cheeks. 

It reminds him of earlier, when Zanka was dragging his palm across his forehead; it feels so, so good. Riyo is more tentative than his trainer, gentle and curious with her gradual strokes.

It’s probably why Rudo inches closer—more than he ought to, really. He can literally feel the inhibitions leaving his body as he grabs one of Riyo’s arms. She says something above him—it’s warbled and muffled to his ears. 

He starts to think that she’s chiding him again, but her hands don’t stop so he’s not in trouble. Yet. So shamelessly, he takes what he’s given, curling up next to Riyo as much as she allows him to. At some point his eyes start to flutter close.

Riyo runs a hand through his hair, murmurs something above him, but it’s too late. Rudo is gone; a few deep breaths later his mind is all fuzzy and he’s drifted to sleep.

__________

When he wakes up, much to his disappointment, Riyo is gone. Actually, the mess he made in Zanka’s room has vanished too. Blearily rubbing his sleep crusted eyes, Rudo takes the opportunity to take in his environment.

The first thing he notices is the mechanical whirring of the ceiling fan above him. It shakes a little from its fast pace, blowing directly over Rudo. It makes him realize how hot his body is, even with the thin scratchy blanket barely doing anything with heat retention. 

He shivers, sitting up right as an uncomfortable warmth continues to ravage his body. Rudo arms peel off the sheets, he grimaces. There’s nothing worse than waking up in a pool of sweat—which is weird considering he feels like he’s freezing and miserable.

“You’re up,” A voice notes in mild surprise. Rudo snaps his gaze over to Enjin, who sits at the end of his bed with his chin resting on his hand. He’s slouching in his chair, looking all types of bored and maybe a little tired if Rudo didn’t know any better.

“I don’t…I don’t remember falling asleep.” Or moving rooms. When had he walked down to infirmary? That’s the only place in Headquarters that looked, and felt, this sterile, cold, and clinical. 

He recalls what happened after Enjin left Zanka’s room. Conversing with Riyo, apologizing for possibly the millionth time, and hugging. It was directly after that moment the edges of reality began to blur. The harder he thinks about it, the worse his head begins to throb. 

Rudo squeezes his eyes shut. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Obviously not if I’m asking.” The bite behind Rudo’s words left a sting at best; Enjin is tragically undeterred by his attitude. Which is shocking, considering he looked like a pimple getting ready to pop the last time he spoke to Rudo. 

Forcing him to stick his nose in that wretched corner, just who does he think he is? 

“Drop the snark.” Enjin cautioned. “How do you wake up being grouchy? You’ve been out all damn day.”

Rudo snaps his gaze to the opposing side of the room. The curtains are drawn back, letting inky darkness spill into the room where the few lamps couldn’t illuminate. He frowned, swallowing hard once the sound of deafening silence greeted his ears.

It felt almost haunting. Headquarters was never quiet; it must be the late hours of the night,  or early morning for even the insomniacs to not make a peep. 

Again, but more softly, Rudo asks, “what happened?”

“You got scent drunk.” Enjin says, as if that explains everything; it feels like he’s talking to Riyo all over again. Enjin must see the confusion smeared over his face because he waves him off, telling him not to worry about it. “I know you’re confused about all this.”

Rudo tongues the inside of his cheek. “This…?”

Enjin opens his mouth before slowly closing it. He brings his hand up to his face, lost in contemplation. Eventually he ends up sighing—groaning, really—falling back in his seat before lazily looking to his side.

“It’s too early for this.”

Rudo follows his gaze. There’s a clock—6:29am. Yikes.

The sound of the chair screeching against the floor shakes him out of his thoughts. Rudo frowns. “You’re leaving?”

“I’m hungry.” Enjin shrugs. “I’ve been here all night, should’ve left when everyone else did.”

So other people saw him? Who? “Why didn’t you?” Rudo finds himself asking instead. 

Again, Enjin shrugs. He has such a way with words when he wants to. “You hungry?”

It’s an obvious deflection to Rudo’s question. He knows he should be worrying about how much of a fool he made of himself when he was unconscious, and more importantly what ‘this’ was, but…he was tired.

So, so tired. He doesn’t want to think about anything right now.

“Yeah,” Rudo says after a moment.

If he’s allowed a moment of normality, then he’ll take it in a heartbeat. 

__________

Enjin didn’t talk much while he’s cooking. He asked what Rudo was in the mood for, grabbed some ingredients out the fridge, cabinets, and pantry, and got to work. As time slipped by, a faint and sweet scent filled the air. It didn’t ease Rudo’s anxiety, but it was nice nonetheless.

 “Amber is okay by the way.”

Rudo glances up, his brows furrowed together. “Huh?”

“The girl you bit,” Enjin says coolly, but Rudo winces at the blatant reminder. “Eishia took care of it and all.”

That’s…That’s good at least. Enjin’s reaction was a little underwhelming; Rudo expected him to flip his damn lid if his little biting incident was brought up again. Maybe he’s in the clear. 

Enjin places a plate in front of Rudo. There’s a stack of…something. They’re flat, big, and a little burnt on the edges. His mouth starts to water the longer he stares at it.

“What’s this?”

“Try it.” Enjin instructs instead, sliding over a fork. 

Rudo takes a small bite. His eyes widen before he’s shoving his fork back into the stack, stuffing his face with a satisfied groan.

“Wah is thuf?” 

Enjin sits across from him and not-so-subtly brings his plate closer to himself. “Pancakes.”

He loves pancakes. Then Enjin offers some sweet brown liquid to smother them in? God, Rudo is gone. He’s only sad about finishing his food a bit too quickly. 

“Is she—um Ember?”

“Amber.” Enjin corrects. 

“Amber,” Rudo echos. “Is she mad at me?”

Enjin looks up and his gaze softens, just the slightest bit. “I can’t speak for her.”

Rudo feels his chest twist and suddenly the pancakes feel like stones sinking into his stomach. Very softly, almost above a whisper, he asks “Are you mad at me?” 

The thought has been eating him alive. He can deal with hot and violent bursts of anger. He was accustomed to it on the Sphere; Rudo has a tolerance to that type of scrutiny. 

This is different. It feels quiet, but not cold or detached. On the outside, everything looks fine, but open it up and you'll find rotting insides festering in filth. 

He’s only been at Headquarters for about a week, and it’s safe to say Rudo doesn’t know these people. From what he’s gathered, Enjin is a bit unpredictable. The guy literally kicked him in the chest when they first met and chained him up; Rudo is a bit distrustful towards him. There, he said it. Sue him.

He chews, and after licking the sweet and sticky syrup from his lips he says, “not anymore.”

Rudo’s jaw drops so hard he could make an impact crater. “Really?”

“Yeah.” 

“But I—”

“You’re still in trouble, don’t get me wrong.” Enjin chuckles, effectively nipping Rudo’s glimmering excitement and hope in the bud. “I just put a few things in perspective. You missed a lot while you were sleeping, but just know things are going to change.”

A flash of panic surges through him. “Am I being kicked out?”

“What?” Enjin chokes, and upon seeing the sincerity and dread tugging at Rudo’s face he bursts out laughing. “No! Damn, chill out. Ain’t the first time someone’s been bit, Dear beat you to it.”

“Oh.”

“We’ll discuss your punishment later.” Enjin takes another bite from his stack. “You’re grounded by the way.”

Rudo will take that over being kicked out over anything.

__________

Rudo was told by Enjin to spend the rest of the morning in the infirmary. Eishia wants to do a follow-up, and Gris apparently needs to talk to him.

“About what?”

“Your gross puberty shit.”

“Huh?” 

“Yeah.” Enjin grins wickedly. “Have fun with that.”

He leaves Rudo standing in the middle of the infirmary room as he shuts the door after him. The evil jerk has the audacity to cackle while he strolls down the hallway.

Rudo bunches his hands up at his side, glaring at the door.

He doesn’t have any gross puberty shit going on, thank you very much. There’s been changes, but he deals with it, okay? He showers! He wears deodorant! What more do they want from him? 

More importantly, what does Gris have to do with this? Why would he be talking to Rudo about…that stuff. The thought of it burns the tips of his ears. On one hand, he prefers Gris over Enjin. On the other hand, it’s Gris; ever since their mission together Rudo’s been doing nothing but admiring him.

Now he understands why Zanka gets all stupid around Enjin.

Crawling into bed is easy once he starts to ignore the looming sense of impending doom. All he can do is move the sheets around and…

“Wh…at?” 

Rudo picks up a shirt. It’s definitely not his, and momentarily he thinks it belongs to Enjin. After holding it up, that hypothesis is scratched, because there’s no way Enjin could fit his fatass head through the head hole.

It’s around Rudo size and…holy shit, it’s Riyo’s shirt.

Rudo throws it on the opposite side of the room, sputtering.

What the fuck happened while he was sleeping?

Chapter Text

hi, i’m taking a break because i’m super burned out 

this is a hobby but whenever i think of this fic it feels like a chore and that kinda hurts my heart, writing doesn’t feel fun right now so i need to step back

really upset because like i said, i love this story to bits and pieces but staring at a blank doc for days is genuinely discouraging and frustrating

it’s also nearing the end of my classes and i need to reconnect with myself

don’t know how long this break will be, but i won’t abandon this story and i won’t abandon you guys

for everyone that’s in school and taking their finals, or in the final stretch, keep pushing man

thanks