Chapter Text
There was nothing but utter silence when he realised his feet had taken him into the elevator. His eyes flickered as he nearly collapsed forward to halt the elevator right in its single, repeated trajectory.
The walls were drawing closer. His head was spinning. How did I get here?
Thrawn tried to remember… it had to. to make. sense….
When Thrawn’s private comlink flickered bright, he was more than confused. No one had his private frequency, not even his closest allies.
“This is General Thrawn of the Chimaera, please identify yourself.”
“Alderaan Almighty.” Answered a joyful, familiar voice that caused Thrawn’s stomach to flutter before he even registered its owner. “I must be calling the wrong Thrawn! Care to help me find the Whisker cub I am looking for?”
Thrawn chuckled as he grabbed the comlink, sitting better in his chair as he breathed in delight.
“Eli.”
“General, huh? You’ve finally shown these pink ass worms who's the boss!”
His joyful tease was a breath of fresh air Thrawn did not know he needed. After nearly a decade in exile and his failure on Lothal, he finally felt relaxed, in control, calm like he had the sun shining on his face while sitting on the skyscrapers of Coruscant.
Ironically funny to imagine the rebels doing the same right now.
“You haven’t changed a bit.” He said smiling. “It is so good to hear your voice…”
“Aww… you’ve missed me, Admiral?” Thrawn scoffed at his former title, most who had called him that are dead. “I’ve missed you too.”
He was not even in the room and Thrawn already had his voice caught in his throat.
It had been years since Thrawn had seen in Eli Vanto the potential for greatness and took him on as an apprentice. Years more since he realised his affection for the human alien had grown into something deeper… And decades more he craved to confess. If anything, Thrawn was not craving for a… “physical” relationship. He wished for Eli’s companionship, his joy, his courage. Always brought Thrawn the strength he needed to be better, and he had. He would not have reached Grand Admiral without Eli by his side.
Sending him away was the most difficult thing he had ever had to do. And now he was… calling? How?
Oral communication between their two systems was impossible.
“Lieutenant-Commander. Where are you?”
“On my way to the secret hideout of the First Order.” Thrawn heard Eli laugh and began laughing himself, knowing what was coming. “Please tell me you didn’t come up with that!!”
Thrawn laughed, how long had it been since he last laughed?
“It came out wrong in translation.”
The two men began laughing again. Both knew the other was joking.
“Just like my title! It’s Mid General now…”
Thrawn was startled. If Eli of all people had been able to rise to General, he would have accomplished great things amongst his kind. Just like Thrawn knew he would.
“Vanto… congratulations!”
“Save it, Thrawn! I have other news to deliver. Due to my presence in your system.”
“What do you mean?”
“I found it, sir.”
A long silence took place as Thrawn realised his mouth had opened in shock.
“You have it, now?”
“Not yet!” Eli joyfully replied. “It’s not in any system owned by Chiss airspace. Due to my presence here. I wanted to stop by to share my findings with you before heading to recover it myself. Hopefully catch up and find out how Grand Admiral Thrawn got his ass handed to him by a child!”
Thrawn covered his eyes with his fingers. Only Eli could make his most dreaded defeat feel tolerable.
The man paused for a moment and took something from his desk. Flicking it gently between his fingers, Thrawn said in the commlink.
“I trust your judgment better than anyone. You can divert your course. Retrieve it and return to these coordinates. You can deliver victory in person.”
“You don’t want to give a second opinion?” Eli sounded surprised. “Who are you? What have you done with Thrawn?”
The Chiss laughed.
“I am not ordering you. What you’ve found can alter the lives of every chiss in the Ascendancy. It should be your discovery, your victory.”
And if Eli and he deliver it together, the Council will be so excited they could pardon Thrawn for his alleged “war crimes”.
“So this isn’t an order?” Eli asked.
“It’s a favour. Please?” Thrawn repeated. “Please.”
Thrawn heard a joyful sigh as he said.
“Fine! But I didn’t warn the Admiral where I was going so when I ask you to return the favour: you'd better say yes!”
“You are putting yourself on Ar’alani’s kill list, I’ll grant you anything you want!”
“I will ask you something really soon, actually.”
Thrawn suddenly became uncharacteristically excited. Feeling giddy, like a child, he smiled and said. Looking down at the white and green feather in his hand.
“See you soon, Eli.”
“May the Force be with you.”
Thrawn's breathing was heavy. Terribly heavy. This call with Eli had been only a few days ago. What happened a few hours ago had drifted his memories together into one storm he was trying to see through.
He did not even realise what Eli had last said.
The knock had been just like any other and yet. This particular rhythm stomp, forever echoes in his mind.
He remembers Captain Enoch entering his office and quoting his report like he always does. Report on their TIEs recovering the remains of a single Lambda-class shuttle. What remained of it indicated that the occupants, whoever they were, were long lost. Destined to forever float as frozen mummies in outer space.
It seems the ship jumped out of hyperspace and attempted to recalculate a jump with new coordinates. As it jumped into hyperspace, some technical malfunction must have caused the transport to explode, the ship was ripped in like some mystical force had sucked the shuttle right in the middle, leaving the people inside to be suck out into space and slowly sophisticated and be ripped apart by the speed. It was a gruesome death. Somehow, the navigation, as it exploded recalibrated parts of the ship to its previous destination: the Chimaera.
Thrawn paused at that, they were originally heading here?
A dreadful realisation hit him as he asked if there were any clues on who the deceased occupants might have been. Enoch handed over the recovered data stored in a compartment of the ship. When Thrawn turned it on, it was as if his entire world sank beneath his feet.
With Joyful Hearts, the Admiral Ar’alani request the honour of your presence at the wedding of
The Navigator Vah’nya
of the Steadfast
to
The Mid-General Eli N. Vanto
of the Zahn
Thrawn does not remember dismissing Enoch, he does not remember staring at the invitation in disbelief, or the tears running down his face as they fell on the shattered device illuminating the invitation.
Humiliation was not something he showed. It was like the words on the screen were silently mocking all the moments he spent hoping his friend could perhaps return his affection. All the times he freely imagined life beside him as more than a superior but an equal, a partner. He felt like he had been stabbed in the heart until his hands broke the device in two as his body and emotions suddenly caught up with the realisation that only one person in the world would have this on their ship, which was floating in space, in different corners of the galaxy.
Eli is dead.
Thrawn looked at his reflection in the elevator as he remembered breaking apart every artefact, smashing every artpiece, and tearing down every precious painting that decorated his office. Every inch of his life was destroyed, it was like he had obliterated any meaning in his life without realising what reason had driven him.
Thrawn looked at his reflection as he tried to find it. The reason for his fury. Why did he feel like this? The man he loved… sure, he had lost friends before, why did this affect him more than it should? Why? He had not felt like this when he sent Eli away, and he was confident he would never see him again… Then why…? That he knew he was in pieces in the four corners of the galaxy… his Eli. Torn apart.
Eli Vanto’s face glowed under the warm sunlight, which captivated the chiss with how the colours on his face changed. His laughter echoed in his head.
The answer was there… staring at him, right in that reflection of this damn elevator, the answer was there…
That is when it hit him, in that reflection…
You can divert your course. Thrawn said that. The reason the ship stopped in the first place. Eli had reached the Chimaera like he was supposed to… his crew would have run diagnostics, noticed the issue, and fixed it. Retrieve it and return to these coordinates. You can deliver victory in person.
So this isn’t an order?
It’s a favour. Please?
Thrawn stared at his reflection for the first time and saw nothing but pure hatred, confusion, and realisation.
Please.
Thrawn's fist smashed itself against the wall! Driven by a humongous rage! Punching it over and over until the metal shattered, against the alien’s strength, deformed the image distorting Thrawn’s vision.
Thrawn slid off the broken wall, his uniform staining under the blood of his own hand. Gasping for air, he did not have the energy to shed tears anymore. He killed the only friend he had, the hopes he had of returning home, and the man he loved all in one second.
A tear still managed to run down his cheek, as Thrawn looked up from the ground, something white and green on the elevator floor: The convor’s feather.
So you remember me every time you see it.