Chapter Text
“Aegiya! Are you home?”
Jaehyun was so casual about it— one day he was Dongminnie, and the next, like magic, he was baby. He’d never thought he’d be the type to subscribe to pet names, and he would never admit how much he loved the sweetness of Jaehyun’s voice when he said it, but it never failed to make his heartbeat speed up. “I’m always home,” Dongmin called back from the couch, raising a hand up in greeting so that his boyfriend could see him from the doorway. “Come help me up. I have no energy today.”
It was the truth, Dongmin didn’t leave the house much more than he needed to, and almost never without Jaehyun. He’d been fat in his second trimester, but in his third, his size had finally become a hindrance. He couldn’t move quickly, his feet always hurt, bending over was hell on his back— and of course, he couldn’t help but feel like people were staring, even when they most likely weren’t. Easier to just stay inside, then.
“If you have no energy, then stay where you are!” Jaehyun joined him on the couch instead, backpack still in hand instead of hung in its usual place by the door, and he unzipped the front pocket. “I have to show you something.”
Dongmin scooted himself closer with some difficulty, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s waist and resting his cheek on his shoulder. “I told you, stop bringing me gifts! I don't need anything!"
"It's not something frivolous this time," Jaehyun defended himself indignantly, but he wore a smile anyway as he pulled a wad of cash and a folded-up piece of paper out of the pocket. “This is for you. The paper has a list of all the open units in my apartment building, and the cash— should be almost enough to pay a security deposit. There will be a bit more coming next week.”
Dongmin’s mouth fell open dumbly as he took the money— he wasn’t sure what to expect, but he was inexplicably surprised to note that the bills felt real in his hand. “Jaehyun…”
“If you had somewhere else in mind, that’s fine, too,” Jaehyun interrupted quietly, his nerves showing in the clumsy speed with which he talked. “I just figured— it would give you your own space but would also let me be there in like thirty seconds if you needed me! It’s also a really safe neighborhood, and— and I see a lot of families with young kids around the complex, so in a couple years, she’ll have friends to play with!”
Dongmin could still barely process the words that were coming at him. Yeah, he’d been looking for an apartment— one with a separate bedroom at the very least, that was his only standard, so that the baby would have a quiet place to nap while Dongmin worked. But then he unfolded the paper, scanned over the listings for two-bedroom apartments, and envisioned for the first time that his baby might have her own nursery. And the money… He looked back to the curled-up wad of bank notes, and gathered his thoughts enough to ask for the first time: “Where did you get this money, Jaehyun?”
“It’s not a big deal!” Jaehyun offered up before anything else, which gave Dongmin the uncomfortable sensation that perhaps it was. “I just— y’know, in my office, all those shelves of old games and consoles? The ones I barely play?”
Dongmin’s chest felt suddenly tight. “The ones you collect?”
“I downsized a little,” he conceded, shrugging. “I’d been meaning to anyway, and all this did was kick my ass into productivity. And I’m selling some computer parts that I had sitting around. It’s helping me just as much as it’s helping you, really. I have too much stuff!”
The money in his hands didn’t feel all that good anymore, and Dongmin set it on the coffee table, along with the listings. A security deposit was a lot of money. Certainly enough for a crib, a changing table, a deluxe stroller with plenty of room to stow a diaper bag— all the things he’d assumed that his daughter would simply do without.
All the things that Donghyun should have bought for her, really. Maybe Donghyun is her biological father, but it’s Jaehyun who’s giving up the things he loves in order to provide for her. Isn’t that a father’s job?
“Jaehyun… you don’t need to buy me an apartment. You really don’t.”
Jaehyun’s brows furrowed. “Aegiya, please. It would give me so much peace of mind to know that I contributed something.”
Dongmin blinked, eyes feeling irritated and stinging with inevitable tears. “If you insist, then I’ll take the money,” he clarified shakily. “But… spending it on a two-bedroom apartment feels wasteful when she’ll need so many other things. We could buy supplies, or even put it away in a fund to pay for her schooling later…” He hesitated, feeling embarrassed and elated and overwhelmed all at once, and hiding himself back in Jaehyun’s shoulder to deal with it. “If the offer still stands… I’d be so happy to move in with you.”
“Really?” Jaehyun’s voice went high in disbelief, and Dongmin smiled; he could envision the look on his face, wide-eyed and incredulous. I wish it was something more than me being a reasonable boyfriend to make him feel that way.
“Really really,” Dongmin smiled softly into Jaehyun’s shoulder. “I was scared when you asked me before, but… I should have given you more faith. You really are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” And then he hesitated, his stomach palpitating with butterflies and his throat dry— but no, he couldn’t stop here. It had already popped into his mind, after all, and the words would plague him until he said them aloud. “Myung Jaehyun… I love you.”
Dongmin had prepared himself for anxiety, which Jaehyun didn’t give him any time to feel. Almost as soon as he’d said the words, Jaehyun was squeezing him as tight as he dared and bombarding Dongmin’s face with excited kisses. “I love you, too! You— you don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting to say it! I’m actually kind of bummed that I let you beat me to the punch, but—” He was so excited that he had to pause and force himself to breathe, his forehead resting against Dongmin’s, eyes dreamy and brimming with satisfaction. “You’re the first boyfriend who’s ever said that to me, you know. I feel like my heart’s about to explode.”
“No. Tell it to stop. I need you,” Dongmin quipped back stubbornly, slipping his legs over Jaehyun’s lap and allowing himself to be drawn in closer for a kiss— and while their lips locked together, his mind lingered back on what Jaehyun had said just moments before. When they parted for air, he spoke up again, shyly, “You’re the first boyfriend to say it to me, too, you know.”
“What? That’s tragic! You’re so lovable, though!” He gave Dongmin one more kiss as if to demonstrate this fact, and added afterwards with a shrug, “Guess I’ll have to tell you a lot. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“You’re insufferable.” Dongmin groaned, prodding Jaehyun in the ribs to make him stop. “Quiet down or I’ll take it back!”
He wouldn’t, of course. Though he wished he could take back the one that he’d wasted on Donghyun. He didn’t quite know what to call the feeling that he’d shared with his ex, but he was sure enough that it was nothing like this: all-encompassing and unconditional.
//
And so Dongmin began to make the most difficult moving preparations of his life. Seeing the packed boxes pile up felt like progress, though, and seeing those packed boxes disappear into the back of a moving van felt even better. He was lucky, truly, to have Woonhak and Sungho and a handful of Jaehyun’s jock friends to handle all of the lifting for him; that left him with nothing but cleaning the old apartment to worry about on that final day.
“I’ll take care of the bathroom and kitchen,” Jaehyun volunteered, snatching the mop bucket right from his hands before Dongmin could even put it in the shower to fill it. “Vacuuming sounds much easier on your back.”
“I can do some things for myself, you know. Give that back.”
“Oops, sorry! Can’t hear you!” Jaehyun called out cheekily, though he didn’t even turn on the faucet until halfway through his own sentence. Dongmin rolled his eyes, but gave up as he went to plug in the vacuum cleaner— secretly thankful. Jaehyun was always thinking about little details like that, things that Dongmin wouldn’t even take into account for himself. Dongmin always muscled through pain, but Jaehyun wouldn’t allow it.
As they finished their respective jobs, Dongmin rewinding the vacuum cord and Jaehyun scrubbing the inside of the shower spotless, the older called out to break the lull in conversation: “Things are gonna be a mess at my apartment, so I was thinking we could get takeout and relax. We’ll worry about unpacking tomorrow.”
“That’s fine with me. I want fried chicken. I feel like all I eat are things that are healthy for the baby these days— but we forget that the baby is a human being, too, and she wants grease. And mala sauce.”
Jaehyun laughed softly, though the reaction seemed a little too quiet for Jaehyun. Something was on his mind. Dongmin stood in tentative silence and waited, but as expected, he didn’t need to wait too long for the bomb to drop: “What if I invited my mom over? That wouldn’t, like… completely freak you out, would it? You’ll have to meet her at some point…”
Yeah, yeah, Dongmin knew. The thought had been terrorizing him ever since he’d agreed to move in with Jaehyun. That made everything official, that made them family. And though Dongmin no longer had a family of his own to disappoint—
“I still don’t understand how you told her about us. You weren’t scared of what she’d say?”
“I told you that my mom is a nurse, didn’t I? She used to work for a midwife. She’s not exactly ignorant to the possibilities,” Jaehyun pointed out (which Dongmin had actually forgotten about, to be fair). “I told her the truth. That I’m dating you, and that I’ve liked you for ages— though she already knew that, I’ve talked about you before—” Jaehyun stopped scrubbing for a moment, flashing Dongmin a smile before he went on, “I told her about how good you are to me, and how you always make me laugh without even meaning to, and how you have the cutest dimples when you smile—”
“Stop it.”
“And then I told her that you were expecting, and she asked if I was the dad, and I told her no, but that she would be welcome to act as an honorary stand-in grandmother, because I figured you wouldn’t mind. And she asked when you were due, and I told her, and she demanded to know why in the world I waited so long to say anything.”
Dongmin chuckled. He could almost hear that, really. He’d heard Jaehyun’s mother’s voice over the phone a time or two, and that fact made him feel a little better about accepting. “I guess that would be okay,” he conceded at last, taking the mop against Jaehyun’s wishes to start work on the kitchen tile. “I’m not great with small talk, so don’t expect too much from me.”
“That’s okay. My mom’s like me,” Jaehyun called back confidently. “She can talk a lot. Especially about babies.”
Dongmin wasn’t sure if that made him more or less anxious— though it was only natural for the honorary grandmother to take an interest, he supposed. “You know,” he added thoughtfully, “Your mom will be the only grandparent my daughter knows.” How did he feel about that? He truly couldn’t say. Sometimes, even just for moments at a time, he would find himself imagining standing in front of his own parents with his daughter in his arms— pleading with them to acknowledge her, even if they couldn’t acknowledge him, too.
“My mom will love her with four grandparents’ worth of love. I guarantee it.” In this, too, Jaehyun seemed strangely certain, and when Dongmin looked up from his feet, he found that Jaehyun had straightened up to watch him. Their eyes met for half a second, and then they both blushed and turned their heads away before bursting into simultaneous laughter— feeling oddly, to Dongmin, like two people noticing each other and falling in love for the first time.
//
“Han Dongmin?” For the first time, the nurse who called Dongmin’s name was one that he recognized, and there was no moment of confusion on her face when she met his eyes. It had taken eight months to get to that point, but it was better late than never, he supposed.
The waiting room was packed that day. Three expectant mothers had taken up occupancy on the other couches and chairs, and all three of them looked his way with thinly veiled curiosity when his name was called. He couldn’t blame them. Hell, he did double takes at his own reflection all the time. Jaehyun was the only one who didn’t seem fazed or uncomfortable as he got to his feet to help Dongmin stand— and when Dongmin couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes, Jaehyun seemed to understand.
“You’re up nearly 13 kg from your pre-pregnancy weight,” the nurse noted aloud as the scale bars fell into balance— and when Dongmin felt his face blanch white, she must have noticed, because she added helpfully, “That’s perfectly within normal range. Actually, it’s common for people to lose a bit of weight during the ninth month, too!”
“Told you it was normal,” Jaehyun piped up triumphantly— and rather than irritating him, as it might have on a bad day, the subtle teasing put him a little more at ease.
“It’s hard not to worry when you’re carrying around this much extra.”
“But it’s not actually that much, it just looks that way because you’re so tiny!” As if to emphasize his point, Jaehyun offered his hand to help Dongmin up onto the examination table, and neither of them missed the nurse’s barely-suppressed smile as she prepared the blood pressure cuff.
“It’s good to hear high spirits at this point in the pregnancy,” she interjected simply. “Hopefully you can maintain it during the first couple months of having a newborn— in my experience, having a good attitude and being able to smile even when you’re tired makes everything a little easier. You have a great friend sticking by you!”
The reminder of how blatantly he’d “friend-zoned” Jaehyun at nearly every other check-up made him cringe inwardly while the nurse noted his blood pressure and heart rate. Jaehyun was still one of his best friends, but more than that, more than that— He glanced at his lover, who looked so strikingly handsome to Dongmin despite the early hour and the late night he’d pulled the night before. They’d be fine once the baby came. Dongmin had a good feeling.
“I’m lucky,” Dongmin agreed quietly, taking Jaehyun’s hand in his own. “And so is our daughter.”
The nurse pinkened slightly, though to her credit, she didn’t lose her smile as she looked from Jaehyun to Dongmin. “My apologies— for some reason, I was thinking that the two of you were just friends, but perhaps I’d mixed you up with another patient.”
Jaehyun looked flustered, too, which was a rarity. He was looking at Dongmin with wide, inquiring eyes, as though he weren’t sure how to answer, and after half a beat of silence, Dongmin confirmed: “Jaehyun is her father. The best one I could have asked for, too.”
Jaehyun said nothing, only quietly beamed— and a couple seconds later, when the nurse started prepping Dongmin’s arm for another blood sample, he suddenly faked a phone call and excused himself to step out of the office for a few minutes. Dongmin had a feeling that it was more than just his fear of blood this time, and though he didn’t ask, the tears clinging to his eyelashes when he returned said it all. He was quiet but attentive during the ultrasound; the baby was growing quickly, and according to the ultrasound tech, was head-down and set for delivery “whenever it happened” (a notion which terrified him— his due date was barely two months away, two months!).
On the way back to the car, Jaehyun kept a protective arm at Dongmin’s waist, which he thought was unnecessary but didn’t shrug off, and once he'd helped Dongmin buckle in, he took a moment to check the time on his phone. “All right— we need to make one more stop before we go home. At the bakery.” Jaehyun grinned sheepishly, bordering on a grimace. “I know you hate parties, but I might have ordered a cake for a small baby shower. Just Sungho, Woonhak, Sanghyuk, and my mom. I told them you might be a little tired, so if you don’t feel like socializing, we’ll eat the cake, do the gift exchange, and take the party to Sanghyuk’s place so you can rest.”
“Aish… you and your socializing.” Dongmin exaggerated his eye roll and gave Jaehyun a light-hearted punch in the arm, but conceded anyway: “They can stay. Thanks for giving me the warning. I don’t mind things like this, as long as I have some time to prepare.” Jaehyun started the car, and Dongmin placed his hand absently over his belly, as if to reassure the baby that suddenly shifted inside him. “You’re good at this stuff,” Dongmin remarked after a moment. “Once she’s born, you can be in charge of birthday parties, Dad.”
“That sounds like the simplest thing to be in charge of, considering birthday parties only happen once a year. It’s a deal!” Jaehyun chuckled softly, wriggling his hand into Dongmin’s once they were safely pulled out of the parking lot. “You wanna hear the craziest thing? When you said that, there in the office… it really sank in.”
“Yeah. And you cried. Cutie.” Dongmin looked out the window to hide his embarrassment at his casual use of the word, feeling his ears start to burn. He was starting to sound like Jaehyun.
“Yeah. I felt… almost overwhelmed, which is weird, because I've spent all this time feeling so ready. Now that it's all official, and it's really coming… ahh, I hope I can do a good job. Between the two of us, we have a good shot, right?”
Dongmin laughed nervously. “That’s the hope… honestly, don’t feel too unprepared. You're going to be fabulous.” He shifted a bit in his seat, chuckling as he admitted, “When we found out she’s a girl, I had a moment of fear for her future, but then on the way home, I was relieved because changing a diaper with a penis inside sounds complicated. It’s a weird sequence of thoughts, isn’t it?”
Jaehyun grinned, and only admitted, with a sheepish air that only made Dongmin all the more smitten with him: “I watched a YouTube video tutorial on how to hold a baby.”
“God. Do you think she’s going to come out with some intrinsic sense of dread, knowing that her parents only have one brain cell to share between the two of them?”
“It’s a brain cell that’s full of love!” Jaehyun grip tightened, his squeeze reassuring. “But she’s going to have two dads and a grandmother and a handful of weird uncles that all adore her! Oh— and Sanghyuk insists that he’s going to be the godfather. I told him he’d have to take that one up with you.”
Dongmin found himself hiding his smile behind his hand. Jaehyun, like usual, was right— and for the first time, Dongmin found himself looking back in disbelief at the first few months of his pregnancy, when he’d foolishly thought that he might do this all by himself. Really, it seemed like a lifetime ago.
//
The doctor had told Dongmin that he could expect less movement going forward, as the baby grew too cramped for the same vigorous squirms and kicks as before. (“Too cramped? In there?” Jaehyun had repeated incredulously, staring at Dongmin’s massive stomach with what seemed to be a newfound appreciation for the weight he was carrying. Damn straight. Dongmin spent most of his days feeling like a poorly-proportioned cartoon character, the least Jaehyun could do was recognize his struggle.)
And so the movement was less, but she still settled awkwardly inside Dongmin’s body sometimes, seeming to lay against his bladder or push up against the bottoms of his lungs. And that night in particular, it was pain in his back and legs that had woken him up at some hour past midnight. The doctor had assured him that the cause was most likely the baby shifting her weight occasionally onto a nerve, which wasn’t dangerous or serious, but it sure was a pain in the ass.
“Ah, really…” Dongmin breathed into the silence, shifting uncomfortably in bed. He’d fallen asleep on his left side, cuddled up to Jaehyun’s back, his cheek resting flush against his shoulder, and he struggled to slip away without shaking the mattress. Luckily, his boyfriend had streamed late that night, and he really did sleep like the dead when he was tired.
Dongmin made his way out to the living room, closing the bedroom door gingerly behind him, and turning the lights onto their dimmest setting, he walked back and forth across the floor a few times to try and jostle everything back into place. No change— he sighed, bracing himself on the back of the couch for an unsatisfying stretch.
“I know you don’t realize what you’re doing— but I hope one day you appreciate just how much struggle I went through for you,” Dongmin whispered into the still air, only feeling slightly stupid for addressing the baby directly. Jaehyun did it all the time these days, insisting that he’d read some study about babies starting to recognize their parents’ voices in utero. Certainly she couldn’t understand them, but Dongmin still liked the idea. “I’d trade back pain for hours of crying any day, you know. And being able to sleep on my stomach again.”
The sound of the bedroom door creaking open made him start, and Dongmin clammed up as he turned his head to look behind him. Jaehyun was still half-asleep, eyes puffy and too-long hair held back with a crooked headband. “What are you doing up, aegiya? Nothing’s wrong, is it?” Jaehyun seemed eternally paranoid that Dongmin might go into early labor, and the notion made him snort. Nope, she was taking her sweet-ass time.
“I’m fine, love. Go back to sleep. My back just hurts— I’m trying to stretch it out, and then I’ll come back.”
“Your back hurts? Why didn’t you wake me up?” Jaehyun muffled a noisy yawn as he emerged to sit on the couch. “C’mere. Lay down. I’ll massage it.”
“Jaehyun, no. You look exhausted,” Dongmin protested quietly, biting his bottom lip.
“So? Soon we’ll both be exhausted, all the time, and we’ll just put up with it because that’s what parents do,” Jaehyun pointed out with that endearingly lopsided smile of his. “Think of this as practice.” He patted his thigh in invitation, adjusting one of the couch pillows beside him, and Dongmin sighed, with no choice but to acquiesce. With as much grace as he could manage (not much when he felt like he had a bowling ball strapped to his waist) he lay himself across Jaehyun’s lap, on his side with his head on the pillow. Jaehyun’s fingertips slid down Dongmin’s spine gently, probing for the spot at the base of his spine that he’d already had to massage a few times before. It always took a few minutes for relief to come, but when it did— he stretched his back again and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt his spine pop back into alignment.
“Better?”
“So much better,” Dongmin assured him, though he pressed back into Jaehyun’s fingertips, a silent urge to continue. Normally he didn’t like to be touched excessively, but there was something about the way Jaehyun touched him that was such a comfort.
“Aegiya…” Jaehyun cooed after a few minutes of silence, brushing a stray hair behind Dongmin’s ear with his free hand and not letting up the massage for even a moment. “How do you look so cute when you’ve just woken up? It’s crazy.”
“Ugh, stop.”
“It’s the truth!” Dongmin couldn’t see him, but he could hear the smile in Jaehyun’s voice. It made him want to scoff and cringe and tell him to shut up, but at the same time— being adored was something he’d quietly, privately longed for, for ages. With some difficulty (and with Jaehyun’s arm lifting behind his shoulders), he sat up and cuddled himself into Jaehyun’s shoulder for a kiss.
“I love you. And I know I act like a shithead sometimes, because— I’m not used to relationships like this, I’m not used to swallowing my pride and depending on other people. But… no matter what I say, no matter what stupid fights we have, no matter how stressful this becomes, I hope you know that I really do love you.”
Jaehyun squealed then, really squealed, and kissed Dongmin with a ferocity that would have knocked him backwards if their arms hadn’t been around each other so tightly. It felt crazy and it felt exhilarating, and Dongmin kissed him back just as passionately, until the baby kicked Jaehyun squarely in the stomach and made them both fall apart into laughter.
//
Dongmin had moved in with Jaehyun under the condition that they would maintain a healthy distance and independence in their relationship. Dongmin was introverted, he valued his alone time, and he knew that that would be in limited quantity once he was a father; on the other hand, Jaehyun liked to be around people, loved to talk, but at least he recognized that his brand of affection could be overwhelming for someone like Dongmin. He’d made a lot of sacrifices in accommodating Dongmin, but they both knew that things would be even more restricted in another month, and Dongmin couldn’t shake the fear that the stress of being stuck to each other might do them in.
And so when Jaehyun had tried to turn down an invitation to party with his friend Hanbin on his birthday, Dongmin had vetoed his rejection and all but insisted that he go. “I’ll be okay by myself for one night! Go have fun while you’re still allowed to!” He chuckled dryly at his own joke, leaning up for a kiss.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come? You don’t need to drink!” Jaehyun pouted, clearly torn.
“Am I sure I don’t want to go to a club in Gangnam at nine months pregnant? Yeah, I’m pretty sure.” He reached up to pinch Jaehyun’s squishy cheeks— something of a guilty pleasure— and added, “Seriously, you don’t need to feel bad. I’m going to stay here and watch anime and eat takeout. That’s way more fun to me than going to a noisy club and watching you get wasted.”
“You won’t be lonely?” Jaehyun asked, as though the idea of spending a Saturday night alone was some form of torture. So pure. God, Dongmin loved him.
“Absolutely not. How about this— if I get truly, insufferably lonely, I’ll call you up and make you come home,” Dongmin promised, smiling. “But until then, I want you to go have fun. Okay, puppy?” (He’d always sworn that he’d never be a pet-names person, but Jaehyun had changed all that, and seeing the warmth in his cheeks every time Dongmin called him something stupid was its own reward.)
Most of the night went just as planned. Dongmin got caught up on the shows he was watching and ate approximately his weight in Thai food (the baby liked her curry Thai-spicy, just like Dongmin did, how funny). He took a long bubble bath while he called Sanghyuk on the phone and listened to him bitch about how stupid his boyfriend was. Then he put on Jaehyun’s biggest, softest hoodie and his extra-thick, extra-warm socks, nested himself in their bed, and set to work crocheting and un-crocheting the same line of stitches in his baby blanket, swearing all the while— the apparently relaxing new hobby he’d picked up to pass the time stuck inside.
And perhaps the Dongmin of six months ago would have relished this time spent alone, but the Dongmin of now suddenly found it too quiet. All evening long, he’d found himself thinking about things he wanted to tell Jaehyun. TV wasn’t as fun without his commentary, music wasn’t as engaging without Jaehyun to sing along with him, and their bed wasn’t as cozy without a second warm body to huddle beneath the blankets with him.
I wonder when he’ll be back. Should I even bother waiting up for him? Maybe I should just go to sleep and see him in the morning. Even that thought suddenly felt daunting; the closer they got to Dongmin’s due date, the more that insomnia plagued him. I’m not going to call him. Maybe I’ll call Sanghyuk back. I wonder if he’s still up. He’d text his friend first, he conceded, tossing his blanket aside and digging his phone out from the sheets.
“This is going to sound fucking stupid, but I sent Jaehyun out clubbing with his friends and I said it was fine but now I really miss him 😢 Tell me I’m being awful and that I need to go to sleep, please.”
Dongmin hadn’t even hit “send” yet before his screen suddenly lit up with an incoming call, and the name that plastered itself across his screen made him grin. Quickly, he hit “answer”.
“Hi, love! Are you having fun?”
“Aegiyaaaaa. I’m drunk.”
(“Don’t worry, I’ve got him,” Hanbin interjected from somewhere in the background. Dongmin appreciated it.)
“We came outside ‘cuz I wanted to call you quick before you fell asleep. Is everything okay?”
Dongmin settled down into the pillows, keeping the phone tight against his ear. He would have rather had his boyfriend home in bed, kissing him or rubbing his back or murmuring to the baby, but— no, for Jaehyun’s sake, he could make it one night. “Everything’s fine! You made the right choice in going out, I’m super boring tonight. I’m getting sleepy.”
“You’re never boring. I wish you were here. It would make everything so much more fun. I miss you.”
It was funny, because when Dongmin thought about it— maybe he was a bit sad that he wasn’t there. Maybe drinking and dancing would be fun with Jaehyun. At the very least, he could endure it for a few hours. He made a mental note. Once the baby was old enough for an overnight sitter, maybe he’d give it a try.
“I miss you too, puppy. It’s okay, though— you’re coming home tonight, aren’t you? I’ll make you breakfast in the morning and you can tell me all about it.”
“Mm-hm. Hanbinnie is gonna take me home in an hour or so. I’ll sleep on the couch so I don’t wake you up coming in.”
“No, don’t do that. Come cuddle. I’ll wait up, if I can.” Hearing Jaehyun’s voice had him so relaxed that his eyelids were beginning to feel heavy, but he pressed forward: “I love you. Have fun. Behave yourself.”
“Yes, sir!” Jaehyun giggled, and Dongmin rolled his eyes. He’d call his boyfriend a fool, but really, what would that make him? After their goodbyes, he felt emotionally lighter; grabbing his crocheting for one last attempt, he scrolled through the music on his phone, for the playlist they’d made together of all the songs they both loved. And in Jaehyun’s absence, he sang for the kicking little bundle inside of him that was growing bigger by the day.
//
As promised, Jaehyun had dedicated an entire day to emptying out his office when Dongmin moved in. His computer went in the bedroom, his gaming setup went in the living room, and the empty little room soon became home to a crib, changing table, wardrobe, and rocking chair. The walls were a pale blue, and Dongmin wasn’t about to paint the room pink just because custom dictated it— so he got a set of lovely, royal purple blackout curtains, and Jaehyun decorated the walls and ceilings with glow-in-the-dark star decals. It was cute and cozy, and they were both satisfied.
Sometimes, when Jaehyun was entertaining guests in the living room or streaming in the bedroom, Dongmin would go into the nursery by himself, for no reason other than comfort. Sometimes he would settle in the rocking chair by the window and read, or he’d listen to music and zone out with his eyes closed. Other times, he felt like he was brimming with energy, and he’d open the wardrobe and reorganize clothes, refold blankets, double-check that they’d bought diapers and wipes and formula and talcum powder and baby lotion.
Sometimes he worried that he’d give himself an anxiety attack. Occasionally he embarrassed himself by crying. But for the most part, more and more, he found himself feeling restless and ready. For the first time in nine months, he felt something like confidence.
The night before Dongmin’s due date was one of those ready-times, and he was sitting in the chair by the window, drinking some kind of bitter, prenatal herbal tea while he tied up the loose ends of the blanket that he’d painstakingly finished at last. (Dongmin never gave up, even on trivial things like an ugly, lopsided blanket. It was far from perfect, but he’d made it— that felt symbolic, in and of itself.) He didn’t feel much different physically, but he wished he had a crystal ball to pinpoint exactly when he would go into labor, just to kill the suspense of it. Dongmin still hated surprises.
“Aegiya!” The familiar call from the living room cut through the silence— followed by Sanghyuk and Woonhak’s voices echoing Jaehyun in crude mimicry. Dongmin rolled his eyes, fighting back a smile.
“You’re just in time to witness a momentous occasion! Come hold up this blanket so I can see how fucked it is!”
Sanghyuk popped through the door, beaming as he took the yellow-and-purple monstrosity from Dongmin’s hands— but before he could make a flippant comment, Jaehyun was pushing into the room with Woonhak and Sungho close bejind, each with an armload of boxes.
“What— what is this?” Dongmin blinked, looking to his boyfriend in surprise. “Jaehyunnie?”
Jaehyun giggled, looking positively elated as he carefully stacked his armful of parcels in front of Dongmin: “Remember how I made the announcement a few weeks ago on my stream?”
Dongmin certainly did. Jaehyun had consulted him on how he should let his followers know about his impending absence when the baby came, and with Dongmin’s blessing, he was just one degree away from honest: “My girlfriend and I are expecting our first child very soon! It’s going to take me some time to learn how to work around such a big change in my life— but my family has to come first, and of course, that’s going to mean taking more time away while our daughter is young. I hope all of my subscribers, younger and older, can understand and cheer us on!” Of course, it was strange to acknowledge the lie, my girlfriend, but it would protect Jaehyun’s career and help to save Dongmin’s anonymity. Jaehyun had some crazy fans, after all, and the last thing Dongmin wanted was to accidentally become famous. No thank you.
“Well— a bunch of my subscribers really took it to heart, and they pitched in to buy a bunch of presents for the baby! Sungho coordinated it and packaged everything up, so we really owe thanks to him— but I have to go on stream for at least a little while tonight so I can sincerely thank everyone.” He placed one of the smaller boxes in Dongmin’s bewildered, trembling hands, giving him an encouraging smile. “If we weren’t ready before, we definitely are now. You should open them up and see what there is!”
Dongmin felt a little overwhelmed suddenly, looking at it all, but in the best way. It had been easy to feel like the sorriest person in the world at the beginning, parentless and boyfriendless and broke, but he had to acknowledge how truly lucky he’d ended up, and not just because of Jaehyun’s income. Without a single blood relation around him, he’d somehow found himself in a fantastic family, with no doubt that the love he got from all sides was genuine.
Their friends stuck around to help them sort and put away everything: there were extra blankets, bottles, and pacifiers, toys that she might grow into in a few months’ time. There was a baby sling and a car seat. And then, of course, there was a selection of clothes that put what they’d bought to shame, onesies and mittens and hats and tiny, tiny socks. There was a precious little winter coat, lined with faux fur, and a few pairs of dainty shoes that made Dongmin laugh. What need did a newborn have for sneakers? No matter, their daughter would have them. She really would be lucky.
“I haven’t heard any talk about names,” Sanghyuk brought up suddenly, as he worked on stocking baby-toiletries beneath the changing table. “Have the two of you decided on one yet? Or are you just going to roll the dice and see what kind of vibes she gives you when you meet her?”
“I think it should be something cute! I like either Areum or Sarang,” Jaehyun piped up. “But Dongmin was thinking Jiho.”
“Her name will be Jiho,” Dongmin interrupted with finality, reaching for Jaehyun and wiggling his fingers to signal that he needed help standing up. “With the hanja for ‘blessings’ and ‘fondness’.” It was simple, it was pretty, and perhaps most importantly, it was unisex— which seemed silly as a non-negotiable, but Dongmin hoped it would lessen the chances of her shuddering to tell people her legal name, no matter who she grew up to be.
“I guess we’ve settled on Jiho,” Jaehyun amended, smiling despite himself as he helped his lover to stand. “Honestly, a name seems trivial, though. I’m more worried about everything that comes after that. I’ve started listening to parenting audiobooks while I play video games.”
Dongmin fought not to smile too much and break character. Teasing his boyfriend in front of their friends had become one of his greatest pleasures. “Can confirm. Not sure how much of them he retains while he’s swearing at Crash Bandicoot, but I’m willing to accept the effort.”
“I think you’ll do just fine,” Woonhak reassured brightly, hanging the last of the dresses and coats in the small wardrobe. “Your personalities really compliment each other well!” He glanced towards the others suddenly: “Hey, which parent would you rather be in trouble with? Dongmin or Jaehyun?”
Sanghyuk grinned wickedly, like it was the question he’d been waiting for: “Doesn’t matter, they’re both soft. I have a feeling that this little girl is going to have both of her parents wrapped around her fingers from a very early age,” he predicted with a laugh. “Dongmin cries when he’s angry. Jaehyun, how’s your temper?”
“I cry, too.”
“Yeah, this kid’s in for an easy life. I’m calling it now.”
Dongmin smiled to himself, neither confirming nor denying. Yeah, she’d probably be a little spoiled, if a father like Jaehyun was anything to judge by— but the world outside would be hard enough, there would be time enough for her to struggle. While she was with them, of course he wanted to give his daughter the easiest life he could. Who wouldn’t?
Jaehyun, as expected, only laughed.
//
“Aegiya, will you please sit down and relax?”
“I’m just doing dishes,” Dongmin answered evenly, looking up from the soapy water. “Jaehyun, I know you’re a worrier, but let me reassure you right now. I’m in early labor. I still have ten minutes between contractions. When they start getting closer together, I’ll let you know, we’ll grab the hospital bag by the door, and we’ll be there in fifteen minutes or less.”
The truth was, Dongmin was worrying a bit, too. Not that anything seemed wrong, but waking up early that morning with uncomfortable contractions had really shaken him. Sitting around and waiting until it was time to leave was simply out of the question; his mind was racing too much to focus on anything but pure, monotonous, thoughtless labor. Tidying the kitchen was making him feel better, not worse.
“Okay, okay…” Jaehyun sighed, placing a hand on Dongmin’s shoulder and turning him for a kiss on the forehead. “I called my mom. She’s going to stay with us for the first few nights after we come home, just in case.”
“All right. Tell her that I thanked her,” Dongmin added, smiling. “Can you text our friends for me when we get to the hospital, and keep them updated? I promised Sanghyuk he'd be the first to know once Jiho and I can have visitors.” Draining the water from the sink, he removed his dish gloves at long last and turned his full attention to Jaehyun, hugging him tight around the waist.
“Of course, my love.”
“I’m wondering if I have time to do a load of laundry before—” Dongmin was cut off by a quiet hiss through his teeth as another contraction came, his fingers curling into Jaehyun’s shirt, but he forced his voice to stay steady as he continued, “Before we go. The more we can get done before she’s here—”
“Aegiya, if you need a distraction, why don’t we pick something else? Do you want to play games together? Mario Kart?” (Dongmin still maintained that he didn’t give a shit about video games, but Mario Kart was a different story— and he was getting good at it.) “That way we can watch the time on your contractions. Because I’m actually really concerned that you’re putting up a front to keep me from freaking out.”
“Since when do I do that?” Dongmin huffed, and when the pain passed, he pulled Jaehyun down into a kiss to make him feel better. “Fine, for your sake, we’ll play a couple rounds. But it’s to distract you, not me. Because I’m fine! I’ll prove it when I kick your ass!”
Jaehyun’s eyes sparkled, equal parts admiration and anxiety. It made Dongmin want to kiss him again, and so he did, letting his lips linger while his fingers threaded through the back of Jaehyun’s soft hair. It was Jaehyun who pulled back, cupping Dongmin’s face and rubbing their noses sweetly together.
“I love you.”
Nope, never got old. Dongmin smiled. “I love you, too.”
Jaehyun wrapped an arm carefully around Dongmin’s waist as they walked back to the living room. They only made it halfway across the floor to the couch before Dongmin stopped, nearly tripping Jaehyun with the abruptness and dribbling something all over the carpet.
“Uh— change of plans. I think my water just broke.”
“You think?” It would have been funny if the moment had been anything else— the way Jaehyun sprung into action, hurrying to grab the bag of essentials that was hanging by the door for this very day. “Come here, aegiya. I’ll help you with your shoes.” He was already bent over, loosening their laces, his hands shaking. Dongmin had to laugh, slipping his feet instead into the pair of Crocs that were just nearby.
“I’m ready. Let’s go.”
Was he really? He supposed this was when they’d find out. Fingers crossed.