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English
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Published:
2025-09-30
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628
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1/1
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A Spidery Situation

Summary:

What was supposed to be a common household pest turns into a very scary(and expensive) problem for Peter

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Work Text:

Peter didn't know what he was expecting when he came through the front door, but his boyfriend standing on top of the dining room table certainly wasn't on the list.

 

"Stiles,what on earth are you doing?"

 

"I'm just uh...cleaning...yeah, cleaning! This chandelier gets really dirty if you don't keep on top of things. Honestly, I don't know why we need such pretentious lighting in here when we could have a perfectly good-"

 

"Alright, where is it?"

 

"....where's what?"

 

“The spider you’re obviously cowering from,” Peter sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “honestly, you run with werewolves, how are the arachnids too much to handle?"

 

"They just are okay?! Now will you please go kill that thing? I managed to trap it in the bathroom..."

 

He rolled his eyes and started down the hallway, mumbling about "the things I do for love" and "he's lucky he's cute."

 

Things went quiet for several minutes, and just as Stiles was about to get down, a door slammed open, and Peter ran back down the hall and into the dining room, where he jumped onto the table as well.

 

"Why the hell is that thing the size of our bathtub?!"

 

"Oh,well, I'm pretty sure that's because it's a demon spider."

 

"AND YOU COULDN'T HAVE LED WITH THAT?!"

 

"In my defense, I ran away screaming before I got a really good look at its size," Stiles said as he started nervously pacing around on the table,"so, now what do we do?"

 

"Burning alive again sounds like a feasible solution."

 

"Oh my God, Peter, you are not setting fire to our apartment!"

 

"You have another suggestion, sweetheart? Because at this point I say we just move into a new penthouse and let it have this one."

 

He glanced towards the hallway with a ruminative expression.

 

"I wonder if demon spiders pay rent?"

 

“Forget all that, I think I have a plan to get rid of that thing,” Stiles said before glancing at his wolf warily, "But you’re not going to like it.”

 

"Oh no...I'm not doing that...my dignity would never allow it."

 

"Come on Peter, she's the only one that can do it."

 

“No, Stiles! We are not, under any circumstances, going to call Lydia!"

 

                              *********

They called Lydia.

 

She rolled her eyes at the two men standing on the table and headed towards where the demon spider was. Ten minutes and one banshee scream later, she came back into the dining room, wiping spider gunk off of herself with a handkerchief.

 

"That should take care of it....Peter, I'll be sending you the bill for my dry cleaning."

 

"I assumed you would," he said as he climbed off the table before helping Stiles down,“Now what else do I have to give you to ensure that you never breathe a word of this to anyone?"

 

"A shopping spree will do. I figure I could use at least eight new Prada bags."

 

"Why eight?"

 

"One for each spider leg that exploded onto me."

 

Peter rolled his eyes before grabbing his wallet and pulling out his platinum card. Lydia quickly snatched it from his hand and gave them both a smug grin before letting herself out.

 

"Welp, at least that's over. Guess we should start cleaning up the mess."

 

"Later," Peter said as he scooped Stiles up into a bridal carry,“Right now, we're going to bed. I am in severe need of emotional comfort."

 

"In other words,your ego's blown and you need me to ride your dick for an hour and call you Daddy."

 

"You know me so well."

 

"Yeah, yeah, love you too, Big Bad...now let's go."

 

They headed towards the bedroom, leaving all thoughts of spiders (and Peter's exorbitant credit card bill) behind.