Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Roy groans softly against her lips, tugging her closer so she’s straddling his lap. He grinds his hips up into hers, and the friction against his growing erection is mind-blowingly fantastic. He runs his hands up and down her back, careful to avoid her right shoulder blade, and keeps kissing her as though his life depends upon him licking into her mouth and making her sigh and shudder against him.

“Riza,” he murmurs against her lips. “Can I touch you, sweetheart?” The fullness of her warm chest pressed against his is so tantalizing, so wonderfully hot, and he needs to feel her again in the palms of his hands, needs to feel the hard little points of her pink nipples and squeeze them 

Riza nods, and Roy snakes one hand between them, gently fondling her, then cupping her, stroking her skin. She whines quietly against his lips, and he chuckles.

“You’re so sensitive, so responsive,” he says lowly. “I love it.”

She mewls, seemingly in response to his words as well as his touch.

“You like it when I talk to you, don’t you?” Roy asks, nipping teasingly at her lower lip. Riza nods, and he chuckles again. “I never would have guessed you’d like me to talk dirty in bed. You’re always telling me to stop running my stupid mouth,” he teases.

“Damnit, I love your stupid mouth,” Riza admits. “Roy, I want…” She leans backwards, and he has to hold onto her waist to keep her balanced. He can’t quite believe his own eyes when she cups her own breasts in her little hands, framing and lifting them, like an offering.

Roy’s cock aches, and he groans loudly, grinding his hips up into hers again, encouraging her with his hands at her waist to rock against him as he lowers his head and takes one sweet, pert nipple into his mouth.

He looks up to watch her reaction as he sucks, and he’s not at all disappointed. Riza throws her head back, arching her hips into him, her hair brushing softly against his hands on her waist. She’s ethereally beautiful, like something out of a fantasy story, pale and golden like the moon and sunshine all at once. He’ll never be able to earn the privilege of being hers, but he can certainly start to try by loving her well. 

He wants to see her like this every day. He wants to always make her pant and sigh his name, to hear the quiet sounds of pleasure she makes, to hear her moan out loud. He wants to feel her body beneath and above his, squirming and writhing against him. He wants to memorize the face she makes when she comes and know that he’s the only person who ever has or ever will see her this way, to know how fully they belong to one another.

He switches to her other breast, gentle and attentive at his task, closing his lips around her and pulling slowly, gathering as much of her flesh between his lips as he can before sucking, then lathing his tongue against her to soothe the ache, then sucking again, finally releasing her with a quiet, wet pop . He cups both breasts in his hands, kneading them, waiting until Riza opens her eyes and looks down at him. 

“Is that what you wanted, pretty girl?” he asks with a grin. Riza nods. “And do you still want more?” There’s no hesitation at all when she nods again, and Roy cups the back of her head, to pull her down with him, kissing her tenderly as he lays back on the bed and rolls them onto their sides.

Riza slides her hands up and down his chest, and his cock throbs beneath his boxers, but he studiously ignores it. Tonight, it’s about Riza. He’ll have a cold shower later. Or maybe he’ll come to the memory of this moment, of Riza wrapping her leg around him to pull him closer, grinding against his erection again.

“Greedy girl,” he growls against her lips. She pulls back as though startled. “I love it,” he adds. “Always want you greedy and needing me.” He grinds his cock against her center, and Riza’s eyes flutter closed. “Look at you,” he purrs in her ear. “You like feeling me, don’t you?” He swirls his hips again for emphasis, and Riza gasps.

“Sorry,” she murmurs. “I don’t—”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Roy says with perhaps a touch of exasperation. “Didn’t I just tell you I like it?”

“Oh,” she gasps. “Okay. I like it, too.”

“Good girl,” Roy grunts. “Keep telling me what you want and what you like. I want to know all about what makes you feel good.”

Riza buries her face in his neck, hanging onto him, and Roy breathes her in, nearly trembling himself. Their feelings for each other have always been powerful, and it’s no wonder that transcends to the bedroom. 

He has a sudden suspicion, but doesn’t voice it just yet.

Instead, he carefully extricates himself from her and beckons her to lay on the pillows. 

“Can I take these off?” he asks, digging his fingers into the waistband of her sweatpants. Riza nods and eagerly helps him shimmy both them and her underwear down her legs. Roy tosses them carelessly away.

He didn’t take enough time, before, to fully appreciate the sight of Riza Hawkeye, flushed and naked, in his bed—-in their bed. 

He sits and runs his fingertips lightly over her skin, following the flush from her cheeks, down her neck, and in between the valley of her breasts. He brushes over her navel, admiring the firm muscle that hides beneath the soft skin. He smiles at the little smattering of freckles on her shoulders that he never noticed before and bends to kiss each one. 

“That tickles,” Riza says, toying with his hair that must have been fluffing about near her face.

“You’re gorgeous,” Roy says sincerely, watching as she smiles. There’s still something hesitant in her eyes. She’s always been dismissive of compliments, and Roy resolves to be liberal with them in bed, especially tonight.

“ You’re gorgeous,” Riza replies, tracing his skin in much the same way he just traversed hers. Her fingers pause around the edges of the burn and puncture scars on his abdomen, and Roy shrugs.

“Go ahead,” he urges her. “It doesn’t bother me.”

He has very little sensation there, because he’d had to burn himself deeply in order to cauterize his wounds. He hadn’t been lying to Lust when he’d said he nearly passed out from the pain. 

“We never really had much chance to talk about that night,” Riza says quietly. “I think… that was probably the first time I started to realize you might have feelings for me, too. When you thanked Alphonse for saving me… There was something in your eyes, your voice…”

“My precious subordinate,” Roy recalls. “I remember.”

Riza removes her hand from his side and reaches for him, so he lays down beside her and kisses her lips again, still teasing one hand over her abdomen, brushing the bottoms of her full breasts, making goosebumps erupt down her sides. 

“How far do you want to try to take this, sweetheart?” he asks. “Or has this been enough for one night? We could just… keep kissing and being close. Or…”

Riza takes a shuddery breath.

“I’m even more nervous now,” she admits. “Last time was humiliating—”

“Humiliating?” Roy echoes. “Why?”

Riza scoffs, her lip curling in what he can only assume is an expression of self-loathing. He hates that expression instantly.

“All my fears about being broken, about there being something wrong with me, all confirmed at once? And it happening in front of you? How is that not humiliating?” she mutters.

“Sweetheart, no,” Roy insists, smoothing the flat of his palm up her body until he reaches her cheek. “There’s nothing about you that’s broken or wrong. These things happen.”

“How many women have you been with, Roy?” she asks in a steely tone. His stomach clenches uncomfortably.

“I dunno,” he mutters. Dozens, but he doesn’t want to tell her that. Besides, she already knows.

“Right, and how many times have you seen someone have an issue like this?”

“Riza, just because I’ve never seen it before doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Obviously it does. And we’re going to work through it. Together. But that doesn’t have to mean tonight.”

Roy runs his hand slowly up and down her back, nuzzling her cheek.

“I want to try,” Riza says quietly. “I’m only going to get more upset and nervous if I put it off. I just want to—” She stops, frowning.

“Get it over with?” Roy supplies darkly. “It’s not supposed to feel that way, Riza. I don’t want you to be forcing yourself into something you don’t really want. That’s not going to be good for either of us.”

“I want to want to,” Riza murmurs, her caramel-brown eyes looking pleadingly into his blackish gray. “It’s not forcing myself. It’s just…” She shrugs. “I want to try.” An uncertain expression, almost like fear, crosses her face. “Unless you don’t want to. I didn’t even think… of course you don’t after that. I’m sorry I—”

Roy cuts her off by kissing her. 

“Stop that,” he says against her lips, nipping playfully. “Don’t make assumptions. Of course I want to. Come here.” At this point, he's more worried about playing into those insecurities than he is about pushing her too far. He hates that she ever thought for a moment he could not want her, so he pulls her flush against the heat of his body. “Now,” he says, moving his mouth to her ear so that his lips brush against it. “Last time, what did I do that you did like?”

“I liked… everything we’ve already done tonight,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “And I suppose at-at first… I liked when you used that oil on your hands when you touched me.”

Her eyes are squinted closed like she’s just confessed the most heinous of secrets, and Roy rolls his own before kissing her temple. It’s going to take a lot, he realizes, for her to start to open up about sex. There seem to be mental barriers there as well as physical ones, but he’s confident that eventually he can break down each one, even if he has to do it brick by brick.

“That’s good, sweetheart. Would you like me to try that again?”

He meets her warm brown eyes, and Riza nods. Roy pulls her into another slow, deep kiss, only pulling away so he can rummage in the drawer on his bedside table again. Since it’s the weekend, Roy decides he doesn’t really care much about getting her messy. This time, he surprises her by drizzling a little of the oil over her chest, rubbing with his hands until she’s slick and shiny all over, arching her back into every touch and making the sweetest little noises he’s ever heard.

“You sound so pretty,” Roy says. “I love making you moan for me. Going to make you say my name, pretty girl.” Slowly, he trails his oily fingers down between her legs, watching her reactions. Riza bites her lower lip, but doesn’t seem to be in any pain. “Does that feel good?” The look she gives him is almost incredulous. 

“Can’t you tell?”

“I can,” Roy murmurs low, “but I like to hear it from you.” He gently parts her folds with his fingertip, taking his time to tease. They’ve got all night—hell all weekend if that’s what it takes.

Riza shifts restlessly beneath him, and Roy dips his head to kiss her again, then arranges himself so he can rest his head against her shoulder while he touches her, breathing in the sweet aroma of almond oil with his lips close to her ear and within easy reach of the graceful curve of her neck.

He drags his finger back and forth from her entrance up to her clit, circling slowly, then down again. She starts to squirm adorably, and he takes it as a sign to go further, slowly pressing his finger inside her. Riza gasps, and her knuckles go white where they’re clenched against the sheets, but everything about her expression speaks of pleasure instead of pain.

“See how well you take me?” Roy murmurs, brushing her earlobe with his lips. He pulls back, then pushes forward again, and she lets out a breathy sigh. “That’s it.”

Her eyelashes flutter, and she arches her back off the bed as he slowly fingers her.

“Do you want more, sweetheart?”

She nods quickly, then bites her lips and looks at him with an emotion he recognizes but has rarely ever seen before—fear. Roy stills his lone finger inside her, feeling her clench slightly around him. 

“I know you’re scared,” he says softly. “I’m nervous, too. I don’t want to hurt you, but you’re doing wonderfully.” He curls his finger slightly, rubbing back and forth against her forward wall, and Riza keens, wrapping her arms around his neck again.

“I want,” she gasps. “I-I want…” She can’t seem to find the words.

“You want to fall apart for me, don’t you?” Roy suggests with a smile, and she nods fervently. “You want to come on my fingers? Fuck, I want it, too. Can you take two fingers for me, sweetheart?” She nods again, closing her eyes and letting her head rest limply against the pillows, even as her hips thrust lightly up and down. 

Roy adds a bit more oil to his hand, then gently works both his middle and index finger together inside her. She’s insanely tight, and his cock twitches at the thought of being held inside that wet heat. 

“How’s that?” Roy asks, kissing her neck lightly.

“It—Oh, it feels good,” she whispers. Roy nuzzles her neck, grinning broadly as he withdraws his fingers, then presses forward again crooking them to find her sweet spot, reaching, questing... “Oh!” Riza bucks her hips off the bed, her eyes flying open wide, and Roy can’t help but chuckle.

“Good?” he confirms, withdrawing from her again. Riza reaches down to grip his wrist, and he hopes it’s not to push him away. Instead, she presses his hand into her harder, and Roy grins, placing a kiss to her jaw. “I’ve got you,” he reassures her. “You don’t want me to stop, is that it?”

“Please don’t stop,” Riza says quickly. “It’s not hurting, I swear, it’s… I want… Roy…”

“Hush, sweetheart,” he murmurs tenderly. “I’ve got you.” He keeps slowly curling his fingers in and out. He avoids directly touching her clit, in case that was somehow the cause of the unexplained pain she felt before. Even if he can’t make her come, he’s at least reassured that he can make her feel good like this. 

But he wants very badly to see what she looks like in the throes of an orgasm. He’s imagined it countless times. Will she be loud, calling his name? Or will she give a quiet gasp? A silent scream? How pink will her skin turn? How will her face twist with rapture? What will it feel like to have her walls tightening around him?

Roy’s cock throbs, and he presses his legs together to try to relieve the ache, groaning against her neck.

Suddenly, her grip on his wrist tightens, vice-like.

“Stop,” she gasps. “I can’t—”

Roy pulls his hand quickly away, admittedly disappointed as he wipes his fingers against the sheets and gathers her into his arms.

“It’s okay,” he says quietly, kissing her temple and pressing his forehead against hers. “You did so well, Riza. You stopped when it was too much, just like I asked you. You’re such a good girl for me.” He runs his hand up and down her back, confident now that the motion is soothing instead of overstimulating.

Riza clings to him, her arms wrapped around his neck, her face pressed to his chest. He can feel her trembling.

“What was it?” Roy asks quietly. “Did it start to hurt?”

“Yes,” she whispers. “But no? Not-not exactly. I don’t…” She shakes her head, holding him tight around the neck, and Roy kisses the top of her head.

“Hey.” He waits until she looks up at him with teary eyes. “It’s alright, sweetheart. Let’s just leave it here for tonight and try to slee—”

“No!” Riza protests, her mouth straightening into a grim line. “I don’t… I don’t want to stop. It feels good. And then it doesn’t. I don’t understand it, but I… I don’t want to stop. I need to figure it out.”

Roy remembers the suspicion he had earlier and hums thoughtfully, running his fingers through her hair.

“I had a thought,” he says slowly. “That maybe… maybe it’s just overwhelming because you don’t recognize what you’re feeling. You’ve never felt this way before, and it’s… it’s almost like your mind can’t categorize it, so it tricks you into thinking there’s pain, so that’s what you feel. But really, it’s not painful, just intense and overwhelming. Our feelings for each other are powerful. I'm not surprised that sex is intense, too.”

Riza’s mouth opens, and she nods quickly.

“That’s… that’s exactly it,” she says, her breath catching on a sob. “It’s just so much , it feels like I can’t contain it.”

“You don’t have to contain it. That’s the whole point,” Roy says with a chuckle. “You just have to let yourself go.”

“I don’t like losing control,” she says stiffly, gritting her teeth. 

“Well, that’s a part of it,” Roy says matter-of-factly. “Part of sex is giving up control to the other person, letting their actions influence your body. That’s why it’s so intimate. You have to trust the other person to care for you when you lose that control.”

“I do trust you,” Riza says, shaking her head. “It’s not that.” 

“That’s true, I think,” Roy agrees. “I think you don’t trust yourself.”

Riza buries her face in his neck again.

“So what do I do?” she asks. “How do I get past it?”

Roy shrugs.

“Give it time, I guess. We keep trying, and over time it will get easier.”

Riza huffs, shaking her head and licking her lower lip. He’s certain she has no idea how sexy that simple movement is, but he grinds his tented boxers involuntarily against her stomach.

“I don’t want to wait,” Riza says. “It’s like… like I’ve been cold for so long, and now I’ve finally found heat . I don’t want to be cold anymore.”

Roy pulls her impossibly closer, wrapping his arms as tight around her as he dares. 

He knows it’s an insecurity for her. She had to put aside so much of herself to fit in as a female soldier in a man’s world. She hid away the parts of herself that were soft and warm, wearing her coldness like armor.

“I know,” she says, her voice breaking, “that I’m not easy to be with. I don’t know how to say what I feel or express myself. That’s why I pulled away from you last week. I just don’t know how to do any of this. I’m hard to love.”

“Riza, no ,” Roy says emphatically, bringing his hands to her face and cupping her cheeks, staring straight into her eyes. “Loving you is so easy, it’s like breathing. It’s automatic. I couldn’t stop if I tried.”

Tears spill down her cheeks, and Roy wipes them away with his thumbs, kissing away the wet trails they leave behind. Even all these years as he watched her walk about like a living statue of marble—hard and cold—he saw the real woman underneath, made of living flesh and bone.

“You're not cold," he says sincerely. "Not to me. You never have been.”

“I want to keep trying,” she says. “I’m not good at finding ways to say it. I want to be able to show you I love you, to feel it.”

Roy shudders and leans his forehead against hers.

“Okay,” he agrees. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

She tilts her head forward for his kiss, and her mouth is fiery against his. She presses her tongue past his lips, and Roy groans, wrapping one hand around the back of her neck, the other falling to her thigh, urging her to lift her hip over his so he can grind against her again.

Riza gives a soft cry into his mouth, and he lets his hand cup her ass, guiding her into a needy rhythm, rolling his hips, pressing his clothed erection right against her center. He can feel how wet she is now through his boxers, and he aches to slide inside. He would be inside her now if it weren’t for his boxers in the way. The temptation to pull them down and just let it happen is nearly overwhelming, so Roy grabs her hips and turns her onto her back. 

“I’m going to touch you again,” he says breathlessly, peppering her face and neck and chest with kisses. 

“Please,” Riza gasps. “Don’t stop this time. I just.. I need you to just… push me through it, I guess?”

Roy draws back, hesitating. 

“I don’t want to force anything,” he says. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But I think…. I think you’re right,” Riza says, shaking her head. “It’s not really pain. It’s just new and overwhelming.”

That’s just a theory, of course, and he almost wishes he hadn’t shared it.

“If you’re in pain, you have to let me know,” he says firmly. “You trying to grit your teeth and tough it out isn’t the point.”

“I will,” she promises. “I will, but please… I just want to try again. I want…” She rolls her hips upwards against him, and Roy groans, dropping his chin to his chest.

“I want you,” he growls, staring down at her gorgeously flushed face.

“Me, too,” Riza says. “Touch me again, Roy.”

Roy again rolls to his side. This time, he drapes one of his legs over hers, keeping her pinned where he can grind his erection into her outer hip, keeping her spread open.

He makes a cursory trail down her body, barely touching her breasts, eager to dip back into the heat that he knows awaits him now. There’s no need any more for the almond oil. When he parts her folds, she’s slick to the touch, and he brings his fingers up to his mouth right away, licking her taste and groaning, rocking his hips against her.

“Fuck,” he grunts. “I want to taste you. Not tonight, but someday will you let me, sweetheart?”

Riza whimpers and grabs for his wrist, pulling his hand back down, and he chuckles, kissing her hard. She stiffens momentarily, presumably at the taste of her own arousal on his tongue, and he grins into the kiss.

He cups her sex in his palm, grinding the heel of his hand just above her clit.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, sweetheart,” he says with a confidence he doesn’t quite feel. “I love how wet you are for me.”

“Oh, god , Roy,” she mutters, bringing her hand up to her face as she flushes a deeper shade of red.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he says with a chuckle, nipping at her pouting lower lip. “It’s sexy. You’re sexy. It just means you want me.”

“I do,” she says, shuddering as he carefully pulls her sticky folds apart and runs his fingers through them. She’s already worked up enough so he doesn’t tease much this time, and his two fingers now slide inside her with almost no resistance. They both groan at the same time, and Roy grins, kissing her hard as he starts to thrust his fingers slowly in and out.

“I know that feels good,” he murmurs. “I love making you feel good, Riza.”

“Roy,” she gasps, rocking her hips up, chasing his fingers. He hates to lose the pressure of her hip against his cock, but he shifts, sitting up so he can rest one hand on her belly, lightly holding her down while he works her with the other. Her eyes close, and she tries hard to arch up into the sensations, but he presses her against the bed.

“Take what I give you, beautiful girl,” he says, thrusting his fingers slowly. She keeps trying to grind upwards. “What do you want, sweetheart?”

“I.. touch my… my…” She whines softly, and Roy grins.

“You want me to touch your clit?” he teases, and Riza nods rapidly, her eyes popping open as she pants. He angles wrist and uses his thumb to lightly swipe over the swelling bud. “There you go,” he murmurs as she writhes beneath him. “That feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” she hisses. “More, please.”

“I’ll give you everything,” he promises, curling his fingers inside her again until she cries out sharply. He watches her face, biting his lip, but she doesn’t tell him to stop, so he keeps up the steady grinding of his thumb on her clit and reaches again for that spot, thrusting his fingers faster.

“Roy,” she moans. “I think… I think I’m close…”

“Yeah?” he grins. “Good girl.” She makes a strangled noise. “ My good girl,” he says reverently, trying to keep his pace steady, fucking her with his fingers. 

A minute later, Riza gives a soft cry, her body going limp, but he doesn’t feel the tightening of her body around his fingers that would signal an orgasm.

“What is it?” he asks, slowing his pace considerably.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I just… I felt good, like I was… maybe going to…But then I didn’t.”

“Okay,” Roy says. “That’s okay. Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she groans. “Damnit, I’m so…” He can feel how tense she is, her body tightening everywhere, especially the wet heat around his fingers.

“I know,” he says gently. “I know, you’re frustrated. It’s going to be okay. Just… try to relax. Let me keep loving you.”

Riza takes a deep breath, then nods, closing her eyes again.

She’s still wet and slick, her body still feels primed for bliss. Roy leans awkwardly on his forearm so he can bury his face against her chest as he keeps slowly, gently rubbing her clit. He turns his head to one side so he can pull her nipple into his mouth, and Riza gasps, arching her back again. Both of her hands grab onto his hair, tugging, and he looks up to watch her with her head thrown back while he sucks the traces of sweet almond oil from her soft flesh.

“Roy!” 

He lifts his head just long enough to growl, “That’s it, Riza. Keep saying my name, sweetheart.” Then, he latches himself to her other breast.

She starts up a constant chorus of groans, interspersed with his name and “please”, “feels good”, and “don’t stop”.

“I’ve got you,” Roy coos, lifting his head and seeking her lips, moving his fingers in and out again. As he kisses her, she again goes limp against the bed, letting out an anguished groan into his mouth. “It’s okay,” he soothes, breaking the kiss and stilling his hand. “You were close again?”

Riza nods.

“It’s like it just… slips away, and I don’t know how to get it back. I don’t know. Something’s just wr—”

“ Nothing is wrong with you,” Roy insists. He keeps cupping her sex, his two fingers still inside her, uncertain what his next move should be. If he suggests stopping again, she’ll think he’s frustrated and doesn’t want to keep trying. Nothing could be further from the truth. He wants this for her so much, he’d spend all night trying, until his hand cramps and aches. He doesn’t care.

At the same time, he’s still worried about hurting her, about pushing her too hard.

“I just… I want…” She huffs, tears of frustration trailing down her cheeks again.

“I know,” Roy says soothingly. “I know what you want, sweet girl. I’m trying to give it to you.”

“Do you want to stop?” she asks, opening her eyes to look up at him, biting her lip. “This must be awful for you—”

“What did I say about making assumptions on how I feel, Riza?” he says, exasperated. She hunches her shoulders and seems to sink back into the bed, making herself smaller. Roy sighs and withdraws his hand from her, shifting again so he can lay beside her. “It’s okay,” he says gently, taking hold of her chin with the hand that isn’t covered in her slick and turning her to face him. “I’m not upset with you. Sorry I snapped. I just… I need you to get that I’m turned on by everything about you, Riza. I hate that this is making you feel frustrated, but having you beneath me, moaning and writhing while I love on you is a fucking wet dream come true, okay? I’m enjoying every second of this, and if you don’t believe me…” He grinds his still-hard cock up against her hip again. “I present this as evidence of exactly how hot I find this.”

Riza sniffles, and he kisses her again, slowly now, tenderly, stroking his tongue over hers again and again until she moans into his mouth.

“That’s it,” Roy murmurs. “Just relax and keep kissing me.” He runs his hand down her hip and back between her thighs once more, and Riza shudders into the kiss. Roy keeps licking into her mouth until her lips are pliant beneath his. He finds the swollen little bud of her clit and again starts to circle it, again slips two fingers easily inside her.

As he starts to gently thrust them through her slick, an idea occurs to him.

“What do you think, sweetheart,” he asks, finding her ear with his lips again and nipping at the outer shell, “can you take another finger for me?”

Riza opens her eyes wide and gapes at him for a moment, uncertain.

“I think you can do it,” Roy murmurs. “You’re so nice and wet and slick. You’re taking me so well already. You can take just a little more, if you want to. Can you try it for me?”

Riza whimpers softly but nods. Roy shushes her and brings their lips together again. He presses his tongue past her lips at the same time he breaches her with his three middle fingers, and Riza moans loud and low into his mouth.

“That’s it,” Roy whispers as he breaks the kiss. She’s tighter again around three fingers but slick enough that he doesn’t have to press too hard. “Good girl.” She whimpers again, and he grins, once again finding her clit with his thumb. She’s not quite as wet there as he’d like, so he uses his three fingers to slide some of her arousal up, spreading it around her clit before sinking his fingers back inside her. Now, his thumb slips easily again into little circles, and Roy kisses her. “Are you ready for me to fuck you with my fingers, Riza?” he growls against her lips, catching her quiet moan with his teeth, tugging gently at her lower lip to make her moan even louder. 

He can’t reach as deeply with three fingers, so instead he focuses on gently stretching her open. His wrist starts to ache, and he considers switching hands, but he knows that will only make her feel uncomfortable again, so he presses onward, using his thumb to press down on her clit rhythmically in time to the thrusts of his fingers.

Again, Riza starts to make louder noises, and he breathes them in rapturously. Again, she starts to writhe and buck her hips, and he follows her motions trying to keep up the same steady, shallow rhythm, scissoring his fingers inside her.

“Gotta stretch you for my cock,” he grunts. “It’s going to feel so damn good when I fuck into you, Riza. I love you so much.”

“Love.. love you,” she gasps. “Please.”

Riza stiffens again, squinting her eyes closed and fisting her hands in the sheets. He can see her approaching climax, but he also sees how tense she is and fears that her body will back off of it again.

He moves his mouth to her ear and nuzzles her gently. 

“Let go, Riza,” he urges. She keeps her eyes shut and shakes her head slightly. “Look at me.” It seems to cost her a great effort to peel her eyelids open as she turns her head to stare at him with tears in her eyes. “It’s okay to want something good for yourself. Just let go, sweetheart. Come for me.”

He has the very great privilege of watching it break over her face first in a slow wave. Her eyelashes flutter, her cheeks grow pinker, and she mouths soundlessly for a long moment, before she manages a hoarse whisper.

“Roy!” 

She arches up so hard it’s a wonder her back doesn’t break. A low, loud wail is pulled from her throat, and finally, he feels her clench hard around his fingers, clamping down so tight it’s almost painful. Her body pulses and flutters around him, tightly contracting again and again.

“Good girl ,” Roy groans, forcing his eyes open, watching her drown in the bliss of her climax. “You’re coming so beautifully for me, Riza. That’s it , sweetheart.” He keeps working her as well as he can, considering how tightly she’s clenched around him. “My sweet, precious girl. My Riza.”

She cries out again and again, her back still arched, desperately grinding her hips upward

It’s the single most erotic sight he’s ever seen in his life, and Roy can’t help himself as he grinds up against her hip again and comes hard, soaking his boxers in his release, moaning her name.

Riza finally stills, settling back on the bed, and there’s a brief moment of silence, as they both try to catch their breaths. She turns to face him, and her whole face contorts with a force she hasn’t a hope of controlling, a sob working itself free from her chest.

“Oh, sweetheart, come here.” Roy starts to gather her close, but Riza clambers over him, draping her hips over his and burying her face in his neck, clutching him tightly. Roy wraps his arms around her and holds her tight as she cries. “It’s alright,” he says soothingly. “I know that was intense. It’s okay to cry.” She only cries harder at that, and he chuckles slightly, kissing the top of her head. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.” He sways slightly back and forth and runs one hand through her hair and down her back, keeping the other wrapped around the back of her neck like an anchor.

Her tears are loud and messy, but Roy doesn’t care. When she finally stops crying, she continues to cling to him, making soft whining and whimpering noises that she doesn’t even seem aware of, because he knows her well enough to know that if she could hear herself, she’d be mortified.

He, on the other hand, adores it. The feeling of her clinging to him in her bliss, her tears soaking his neck and shoulder, her release still wet and sticky on his fingers as she cradles his hips with hers is the best high he’s ever known.

“I love you so much,” he says, squeezing her tight.

“I love you, too,” she manages to say in a shaky voice. 

Roy’s not sure how long they lay there clinging to each other, but eventually his soaked boxers start to feel uncomfortable, and he gently lifts Riza’s chin with his index finger, kisses her sweetly, then rolls her to one side so he can slip out from beneath her.

“I’ll be right back, okay?”

Riza nods, her eyes already closed, and Roy chuckles. He cleans himself up and dons a fresh pair of boxers. Riza’s curled in the exact same spot in the middle of the bed when he returns, and Roy dashes back to the bathroom, wetting two washcloths. He sits down beside her on the bed and softly calls her name. Her eyes flutter open briefly, and a small unguarded smile lifts her lips before she closes them again.

She’s absolutely adorable. He gently shakes her shoulder, and Riza hums softly.

“I’m just going to clean you up a little,” Roy says. “Come here.” He lightly pulls her arm away from her face and tenderly wipes her hot cheeks with the first washcloth. Her eyes open again, and he can see in her eyes the exact moment that her insecurity and doubt start to creep back in.

“That was so beautiful,” he says, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “You’re amazing, Riza.”

Her features soften a little. He knows it’s going to take time. They won’t have conquered all of her fears in one night, but he’s certain they’ve at least made a sizable dent in each of those barriers she constructed over the years to protect herself. He knows she doesn’t need them anymore. He’ll protect her heart as long as she lets him. 

She blushes furiously, when he instructs her to lay on her back and spread her legs so he can wipe away her slick as well as the come that seeped through his boxers onto her hip. He tosses the washcloths in the general direction of the dirty clothes hamper and hears one of them hit the wall with a wet plop , but he doesn’t care as he climbs back into bed, pulling Riza back into his arms and pulling the covers over them both. 

He’s not entirely surprised by how tense she feels. Their lovemaking must have felt ten times more intensely vulnerable to her than it did to him. 

Roy kisses the top of her head.

“You okay?”

He feels her take in a shaky breath.

“I feel like I should apologize, but I know you’ll just tell me not to.”

Roy laughs and squeezes her tighter, feeling some of the tension leach from her as she, too, chuckles.

“I’m okay, though,” she adds. “I’m… certainly not feeling any pain.”

Roy hums, quietly content.

“We aim to please.”

Riza takes in another long shaky breath and looks up at him with a frown.

“Am I mistaken, or did you…?” She trails off, blushing and fluttering her hand vaguely downwards towards his fresh boxers.

“Pop off in my underwear like a fifteen-year-old virgin? Yeah, sure did,” Roy says brightly, laughing at himself. “I couldn’t help it. You’re beautiful, and you were making the most gorgeous sounds and moving against me.” A delightful shudder runs down his spine. “That might be the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Riza scoffs. 

“We didn’t even have sex.”

“Sure we did,” Roy says easily. “There’s different kinds of sex. Doesn’t matter how you do it. But I loved every second of making love to you tonight.”

Riza smiles at him and lays her hand against his cheek.

“Me, too, my love,” she says quietly. 

Roy can see how heavy her eyelids are.

“We should get some rest,” he says. “You must be exhausted.” Riza nods sleepily, and he gives her a gentle kiss. “Goodnight, sweetheart.” 

It’s a relief to have her in his arms again after a week without her on the living room sofa, and Roy buries his face in her hair as he spoons with her, draping one arm over her hips and laying it on her belly, pulling her to rest her back against his front.

He knew when they got together that he and Riza each came with their own set of traumas and difficulties that would make navigating their relationship difficult at times. This particular struggle with physical intimacy, admittedly, is not one he ever anticipated. If working through it together means more long expressions of intimacy like this, Roy’s more than up to the challenge. 

He rubs his cheek against the top of her head. It still amazes him that she could have believed he would leave her over this. The idea of not being with Riza is detestable to him; it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

She’s undoubtedly the love of his life, and he intends to spend every day the rest of his life showing her his devotion until she believes that he belongs wholeheartedly to her. Just as she belongs to him.