Chapter Text
[1 month later]
Dear Diary,
Gerard and I have been properly dating for a month now. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend; he's so funny - I laugh at everything he says, he's so thoughtful, and he's so forgiving.
I've started going to this shrink.
I don't like the guy.
I'm only going because Mikey was still scared I might kill myself. But, the stupid guy annoys me more than if someone were just scraping their nails down a chalkboard for hours. I know I'm not being dramatic because as I imagine my therapy sessions compared to this chalkboard situation, the latter seems far more preferable. I don't like him because he doesn't do anything; like, I'll say something is wrong with my brain, and he'll just ask me how that makes me feel, not try and diagnose a problem like a real doctor.
How does it make me feel? Bad, man.
So stupid.
But, if it makes Mikey less scared then it's okay.
I've also started getting to know Pete, but that didn't help that much because he's not really anything like me. I don't know why Mikey said he ever hated himself for being gay because he sure doesn't act like it!
Everything's good.
Well..
I hope it is. I just-
Even though everything was sorted with Gerard and my - so called - 'episode' ended, I still don't feel fully normal. My brain sometimes spins, like I'm not really there, my thoughts sometimes sting with that depressive sourness. Everyone seems to think I'm fixed, but I don't feel it.
Gerard seems so happy that I'm seeming better, I cant break the news to him. Isn't it better to be in ignorant bliss than truthful sorrow?
Bye Diary.
I peel my eyes up from the page and glare at the grinning sun, wishing it wouldn't parade its happiness so braggingly around Gerard's room. Gerard nudges me with his foot and I'm transported to the present.
"Do you want to go out later?"
He asks while flicking through his magazine, slightly reacting to every page.
I stutter slightly,
"Umm, Y-Yes. Of course Gee."