Chapter Text
From what Dick understood about himself, his optimism had unfailingly remained a genuine reflection of who he was. The attribution had engraved a perpetual resilience into his bones, forging him into a proud young man who resisted and never retreated regardless of what hardship loomed ahead of him.
It wasn’t lost on him that his mentality was deemed unfathomable, even outright juvenile, by many, among those stood his closest friends and comrades. He could recall the occasional exchanges where they crack half-serious jokes about how his positive approach to crises was bound to doom him eventually. The whole experience could be best summed up as… prismatic. Those mindful enough of his ego had exhausted every gentler word in their vocabulary to explain that, at times, cowering before a formidable for could be the wisest tactic for the greater good, while that bastard Roy literally spatted into his face to get his head out of his ass before those perverse Gotham lunatics got to it first (looking at you too, Jason!).
Dick took no offense at the remark, nor did he question himself afterward. Everyone was entitled to their own sets of beliefs and values, and he could tell that the advice his friends eagerly offered had been drawn from the actions that proved auspicious for their goals. Those words came from a good place, and he appreciated how they cared enough to speak up.
That didn’t mean he was willing to remake his ideals in their image. As friends and comrades who stood side by side, the path they chose to walk might align with his, but the stops to be made along the way wouldn’t necessarily overlap, so the attributes they strived to build would differ. As for him, his positivity always worked wonders.
And this very situation he found himself in helped to make that plain.
Dick fixed his unblinking gaze upon the gleaming surface of the bathroom mirror.
From within, the 6-feet panda returned his gaze with such unyielding intensity.
Two of his trusty Tarot cards inside his right hand, their edges already smeared red.
And even though his field of vision couldn't reach far below, the throbbing pressure there was more than enough to confirm that his pinky toe was ballooning up fast.
Long, long ago, an infamous philosopher once made a statement that would eventually transcend time - No man ever stepped foot in the same river twice.
In other words, by the laws of metaphysics, the likelihood of him re-humiliating himself within the walls of this bathroom should be close to zero.
That’s what Dick had expected, and with no small amount of confidence for that matter. Taking comfort in the knowledge that his well-being would be guaranteed, he hadn’t thought twice about pushing himself off the ground despite the unmistakable pins and needles in his feet. Acrobat reflexes had been programmed in his system since tender age, what could have possibly gone awry?
There was no way he would have slipped on his own sweat, lost his balance, and gone crashing face-first into the bathtub's unforgiving edge. And there was absolutely no way he would have launched his pinky toe against that very damned tub while blinking through the shock of the impact in his struggle to stand. Also, it definitely hadn’t been him who lurched blindly toward the sink in his desperate fumble for purchase, only to end up dragging his bloodied all over the innocent cards sitting on the basin…
…Okay, maybe it had been him all along. But that was beside the point, and the pain was barely worth mentioning…
…On second thought, the pain was acutely worth mentioning, but…
Holy shit, was his nose supposed to bend like that?! No, this could not be happening right now! He couldn’t possibly afford to get disfigured…
Oh wait, hang on… False alarm, there was no actual facial reconstruction to lose his head over. His reflection was simply bleeding into the condensation on the mirror…
Anyway, look like all was well in the end!
See, this was precisely the point he was trying to make. If this same situation had befallen an individual who viewed the world through a dismal, cynical lens, it might take them days to claw out from beneath the mountain of self-pity and negativity that their inner demons conjured upon them.
As for him? He simply bounced back onto his feet, walked it off, and cast all the pessimistic thoughts into the winds.
…Well, he supposed that the bruises weren’t planning to leave without a fight, and neither were rufescent traces that had claimed residence on his cards.
Dick broke eye contact with his reflection and shifted his attention to both the cards clutched in his hand, finally examining the damage. A faint frown creased the skin between his brows upon registering just how far the stain had spread. Blotches of discoloration were licking at the cards’ edges in irregular patches, then spilling across the elements representing the symbolisms, leaving markings of contorted shapes on their wake.
This wasn’t the state he imagined finding either card in, and it unsettled him more than he cared to admit.
By now, the blood’s vibrancy had dimmed to a grim brown, and its twisted spatters across the cards resembling a crooked spider web poised to ensnare all that strayed a little too close, forcing them to watch as the suffocating embrace cocooning over their torso squeezed every last vestige of air from their lungs.
And knowing what cards he was holding didn’t help in the slightest.
The World and The Magician. Cards of fulfilment and achievement, of completion and wholeness, and of all the wonderful assurances that urged one forward on their path with a smile.
Yet now, both lay on his palm, marred by ominousness. A red dark enough to curdle into black streaked across the graceful design of each card, devouring the glittering stars and closing around the tiny figures like prowling talons.
The longer he looked, the more they resembled an ill omen.
Come to think of it, out of the entire deck,of all the cards that might have been trapped inside his pants’ pocket, why had it been these two to begin with? And why did they choose the exact moment when he undressed to fall outside, leaving him with no other place to deposit them but the sink?
Could this be… a sign? A foreboding?
…Yeah right, snap out of it, Dick. You’re definitely losing it for real this time.
While he did acknowledge the occasional reliability of Tarot cards, they were hardly authentic magical tools in any serious sense, so it seemed unlikely that they had sensed impending threats and called forth a sequence of misfortune to alert him. And, even if he managed to obtain a deck of extraordinary power, he doubted that his lack of magical capability would allow an access to its full potential. That seemed more like the job for Zatanna and Constantine, people who were gifted in arcane arts, or perhaps Rav…
Anyhow, was there even a reason in assigning deeper meaning to a simple accident? If anything, he should be celebrating instead, since he had originally got two lucky cards in a row.
Yeah, all were well.
Dick’s gaze flicked upward as the worries slipped off his thoughts, settling on his reflection once more.
…As long as he remembered to drop by a pharmacy for some fast-acting bruise cream, all would be well.
oOo
Dick hoped that he could stay the textbook definition of happy-go-lucky.
Unfortunately, it appeared that some forces up there were determined to press his buttons.
Had he ever talked about how the unpredictability of life aggravated him to the core?
One moment, the solid floor was spreading wide beneath his steps without a single obstacle in sight, yet in the next, he’d already found himself cracking his face against the rigid porcelain of the bathtub.
One moment, he was the dashing guardian in whom the whole city placed their immense trust, yet in the next, poof! He was literally the freaking Kungfu Panda.
And in that same fashion, one moment, he was contently savoring the precious stretch of silence that had finally graced his mind, yet in the next, when the front door swung open, his vision was abruptly consumed by… You-know-what!
Raven stood there in the flesh, violet eyes meeting him with the same startled astonishment that froze him in place at her presence.
The night was no longer young, yet her commitment to duty was gleaming through the sharpness of her eyes and the vigilance of her stance. Dick was observant by nature, yet even he couldn’t detect the slightest flaw from her bearing. There was no evidence of fatigue written into her demeanor, no careless crumpling on the fabric of her clothes, no trace of the physical drain that should have come with the hour. The passing night winds swept through her cloak and stirred the violet hair framing her face, but the image of discipline she carried herself with was hardly disturbed.
She was on the lookout for mayhem within his city. It left no doubt that she was prepared to launch herself into action at a moment’s notice.
And as the realization coiled around the depth of his stomach to pluck at his heart strings, Dick couldn’t help the cold sheet of shame that came pouring over himself, rendering his conscience a cowering and trembling heap. What… What right did he have to get frustrated at her, when all she had been sacrificing herself for the best interest of his and his city? He was supposed to be shouldering the major part of the work, and she was only supposed to stand in the background, landing a hand in managing whatever mayhem that got out of control. But lately, the roles seemed to have reversed. With his own demons plaguing his mind and dragging at his legs, Dick knew better than anyone that he hadn’t been pulling his weight the way he should.
Raven shouldn’t have been the one compensating for his shortcomings. Still, she took it upon herself to fill in for him without once complaining…
God, he was unworthy of her, wasn’t he?
“Nightwing.”
“Nightwing.”
“Nightwing!”
A slender hand closed over his shoulder with an unbelievable force, awakening him from the trance his treacherous mind had induced. Dick blinked. The sudden impact rattled the thousand murmuring voices within him, scattering them into the far distance. Unwilling to be silenced, they anchored themselves at the edge of his psyche and kept on pulling until pain flared through the tear. The sensations reverberated against the bones of his skull, hammering at every nerve ending within reach before bursting outside in the form of an involuntary grunt.
Fuck, what on Earth was going on with him this time…
No good. Even thinking hurt. His entire head was on the verge of splitting open…
“Nightwing, keep your focus on my voice. I am here with you. First, take a deep breath in through your nose, then release it slowly through your mouth. Can you do that for me?”
Such gracious and caring words. Parting the dense shadows ruling over his thoughts to envelop his trembling mind whole.
The firm yet gentle pressure on his shoulder unsnarled the tension entangled in his muscles, steadied the frantic pounding of his heart. There was nothing else that mattered to him more right now, nothing but the warmth radiating from the spot where she was gripping him, and he clung to it like a lifeline in his desperation, dreading the loss of the safety only she could grant.
“Raven… Raven… Please…”
The way his voice hitched and broke sounded foreign to his own ears. But at the very least, his derailed train of thoughts was pushing itself off of the uncharted territory to reboot and reoperate.
“Yes, I am here. Keep on breathing as per my instructions, Nightwing. No danger could touch you now, you are safe with me.”
Yeah, I am safe… with you…
“Raven…”
The breathlessness no longer attempted to crush his throat in half, and those ragged, rapid bursts of air had stopped stumbling over each other on their race outside.
“Please don't leave…”
The endless raw emotions that had rode out on the final laboured breath shuddering free from his lungs all condensed into that one plea. A high-pitched, muddled plea so warped by his hyperventilating wails that he wouldn't even describe as human. But it's fine, the dark fog over his mind was already dissipating… Once the purge was over and he had laid the wicked demons to rest, he could tell her about how he actually…
Feel…
Dick blinked.
His gaze shifted from the delicate pale hand folded over his shoulder, to his rougher, larger fingers which had practically locked over hers, barely allowing an inch of space for movement.
He blinked again.
With an excruciating slowness, he lifted his face and directed his full attention to the baffled young woman who had been tending to him the whole time. Her hood was down, revealing the entirety of her face. The bright shimmer in her violet eyes had been dimmed by the weight of confusion and worry. She remained quiet as she assessed his state, but her wide-eyed stare was voicing all the questions swimming inside her head aloud.
Dick blinked for the third time.
He did his utmost to offer a reassuring smile, only to end up displaying a horrid grimace that hinted at the complete opposite.
“Uhhh… Hi?”
Well… This was… awkward…
oOo
“In short, the mental assaults you described have been a recurring event after your memories returned?”
“You can put it that way…”
To have his eyes concealed under the domino mask had never been as comforting as it was in that moment. The thin strip of fabric had draped over all the wayward sentiments, all the inconvenient emotions that guaranteed to render him a fidgeting ball on his feet if exposed all to her. And he didn’t want to go through the trouble of fabricating excuses as to why both his eyes were adamant to study the muted fluoresce from the snoozing neighborhood in the distance, or why the trees nearby sudden;y seemed appealing anatomically and he couldn’t direct his attention elsewhere, since he obviously wasn’t intending to flee from her scrutinizing gaze…
Okay, perhaps he did indeed put a little effort into preventing her re-entry to his mind. And he didn’t think he could be blamed. That episode… was insidious in every sense of the word. It was a welcome improvement for his brain to be spared from the illicit urges that reduced him into a beast of pure impropriety, but this fresh change of course proved no less dangerous. Why in Batman’s name would his entire being be occupied with the desire to throw his dignity into the wind and come crawling at her feet, groveling with the misery of a lovesick fool wailing for his woman to take him back?!
And what absurd notion was that? Since when had they qualified as anything beyond teammates? Why would he want her to take him back? And take him back where, exactly?
The silence of the night pressed an uneasy weight over his heart, inducing a restless rhythm that throbbed in his pulses, then rang by his ears. This safehouse of his was on the outermost fringe of the city, where concrete gave way to a vast wood that stretched all the way to the neighboring metropolis and left most of the area deserted if not for the occasional wildlife. This isolation kept prying eyes at bay, making the site itself ideal for a covert operational base.
But being engulfed in unadulterated silence presented a lethal disadvantage: There would be nothing but his thoughts for him to bury himself in, and they weren’t desirable company in the rare instances where they turned against him.
And it didn’t help that Raven herself had ceased her questions, apparently working overtime in her mind to parse the information extracted from him moments ago.
“By the way, were you patrolling this sector just now? Why didn't you notify me that you're stopping by?”
Dick broke the silence, deciding that introducing new sounds would be a wise course of action against noises lurking in his mind. The residual bitterness from the recent onslaught still prickled along his nerves, but at the very least discomfort and embarrassment was easier to mask than carnal hunger.
“I called both your main and backup numbers several times, but none of them went through. You worried me, so I tracked your presence here to see you in person.”
The impassive quality inherent to her voice flattened each syllable she uttered into a droning sequence, devoid of the cordiality, warmth, and all that were expected from a human’s cadence. Those unfamiliar with the empath would prefer that she refrain from speaking, for the sounds she made scraped against the ears to send waves of shudder crackling down their spine.
Funny how people readily let ignorance govern their action and judgment, accepting only the superficial values and declaring them the whole with arrogance. His Raven was nothing like the ugly image they framed around her.
It wasn’t wrong that her unnatural monotone required a lengthy period of acclimation, and that a rather oppressive presence shrouded her, but this shouldn’t be the sole measurement of her character. The darkness that frosted over her voice was dispelled by the gentle shine radiating from every lovely smile that had ever touched her lips, warming any soul fortunate enough to behold the sight from within. And nobody would look into the pristine gems that were her eyes and dare proclaim her corrupted at heart, not when the entire world could be blessed by the benevolence brimming within them...
Okay, he should probably stop there. Look like he was unraveling again…
Dismantling the limerence into more manageable whims that his system could subdue and suppress was a rather… ambivalent process. The heightened intimacy blooming within his heart at the thought of her left him feeling like a stranger inside his own skin. But against the depravity his demons once vomited to defile every inch of her, it was unexpectedly nice to experience.
Hang on, then why did he have to walk on eggshells around her? The danger of losing himself to his baser instincts and inflicting the unspeakable upon her should be gone now, right?
There’s no telling without trying, and the opportunity itself stood right before him…
On ginger, hesitant steps, Dick shuffled closer to the unsuspecting empath, keeping their conversation flow without pause in hope that she wouldn’t detect his mounting anxiety.
“Yeah, about that… Sorry, I kind of left my work phone at home, and then accidentally broke the backup.”
The heavy sheepishness underlying his words was on purpose to emphasize his sincerity. The distance between them had been shortened by half, yet apart from the flickers of yearning that could immediately be extinguished before flaring into another episode, he sensed nothing else stirring to wakefulness within his veins. No unfettered sexual desire that set himself alight, no unapologetic urge to take her right there against the wall, nothing.
Admittedly, a few… less-than-innocent impulses regarding her did frolic across his mind, but the intensity wasn’t as alarming as before.
His breathing picked up speed for a split second, but was soon steadied.
“I see, you ought to handle delicate devices more carefully. It would be perilous if an emergency occurs and your means of contacting help malfunction.”
The flatness of her voice met his ears, dragging along a familiar coarse texture, and that sandpaper roughness… remained sandpaper without taking a further step toward forbidden territory. Nothing sparked within him. Dick braced himself internally, pushing the test to the extreme in one long and directly placed himself before her, stewed in her presence.
The bomb of emotions he anticipated didn’t detonate.
His eyes widened slightly beneath the mask.
“Nightwing, is everything… alright?”
The abruptness in his movement must have mystified Raven, for the startled look had returned to color the usual monotony of her expression. The subordinate who barely came up to his chest had to crane her head backward to get a good look at him, the few locks of hair framing her cheeks fluttering loose as confusion stirred the calm violet of her eyes.
“Oh, sorry…” Dick muttered a quick apology now that his presumptuous behavior registered with him, then hastily retreated a step knowing how much Raven valued her boundary. His wits cranked the gears of his mind to produce a plausible explanation: “Being around friends and family has triggered all sorts of effects on me since my memories came back. I was just trying to figure out how else I might react to you and what to do about it.” He paused for it to sink in, then supplied for added measure: “You noticed my earlier meltdown, right? I don’t think any of us would want that to become a fixed feature in our life."
“I see…” The blank calmness settled over her features once more, and she gestured for him to lean closer, the intention to conduct a thorough inspection of his mental state clear.
Dick had no choice but to comply, partially out of his appreciation for her consideration, mostly out of his fear that an outright refusal would arouse suspicion. He wasn't afraid that she might peer deep into his mind and discover the lingering traces of his debauched fantasies. As her leader, he understood the limits of her empathic abilities: a simple scan could not infiltrate the innermost of his psyche unpermitted, and he would be able to tell right away if she forced entry.
“Hmmm… I do not sense any lapse in your brain signals, and the energy coming off of you doesn’t seem disturbed either.” Her eyes squinted ever so slightly, as if trying to look past bones and flesh to single out the fault within his system. A subtle frown of frustration and concern played at the corners of her mouth when her attempt returned nothing: “Perhaps a comprehensive examination is in order. Why don’t we move inside first? I need information on how these episodes began, and then I'll try to directly access the source of the trouble with my magic…”
“NO!!” The rejection came surging out before Dick even processed her suggestion in full.
He was willing to bet that the night had wrung out more emotional states from the stoic empath than what she could have felt in a lifetime. Her eyes stretched to their limits at his overzealous reaction, and her upper body jolted itself backward on instinct. A bolt of shock hammered at her features, leaving her newly restored composure splintered asunder, and Dick knew for certain that he had caught an uncharacteristic yelp escaping those plump lips.
“Sorry… Sorry… I didn’t mean to shout…” Dick fumbled for another apology, snapping an internal curse at himself for spiraling right before her very eyes. Great. Even if she had harbored no question before, she surely must have a full handbasket to propel upon him now.
Raven had, again, defaulted to silence, but Dick knew better than to equate it to acceptance. The shift in her presence was imperceptible, but he didn’t overlook the faint narrowing of her observant eyes, nor the stern line her lips had tightened into. Night drafts gushed past them in succession, unfurling her cloak into a sumptuous curtain that billowed around her frame, concealing her movements. Nevertheless, the Titans’s leader could tell from experience that dark shadows were beginning to coil around his subordinate’s fingertips.
Unless he acted fast, the fate awaiting him tonight would most likely involve getting dragged kicking and screaming into his own safehouse by her magic, where she would take her sweet time plucking all the secrets from him one by one. And he knew she wouldn’t hesitate, since all the symptoms he displayed literally screamed brainwash, or even worse, possession.
“Look, I know what I probably look like right now, but you’re misunderstanding.” Scratching the back of his neck, he took a moment to format the words to use before delivering: “When my memories were compromised, a mystical item was used on me, and mind hasn’t fully cleared out the aftereffects yet. According to Batman, it’s best to let them wear off on their own, and I’m not exactly in the mood to find out what happens if your magic mixes with… whatever it left behind.”
Sorry, B, you’re the safest option here. We both knew she wouldn’t go out of her way to pry a confirmation from you.
“That I am aware of. I read the report for that incident.” Her monotone didn’t betray anything, but she opted to cross her arms before her chest rather than continuing with her plan of forcing the truth from him. Tension rolled off of him in waves, but he maintained a casual front, his mind sealed tight out of the concern that she might glimpse into the emotions that he couldn’t afford to reveal.
“Manipulation tools do not leave behind strong magical traces, but it’s true that what they inflict can be frustratingly persistent. Maybe this has been the source of the anomalies you experienced all along.”
A few seconds ticked by, and she finally deemed his explanation legitimate, even offering her own deduction to make sense of it.
His heart, which was playing swing back and forth on his uvula the whole time, flopped down back into its chamber at her words. Dick knew she wouldn’t press him further unless he gave her a reason to. Raven was the type of person who placed unconditional trust in her friends, to the point it became a form of absolute loyalty. She wouldn’t doubt his integrity whatsoever.
A spark of guilt flashed at the pit of his stomach, but was soon flicked out of sight. He wished that he could be honest with her, but he couldn’t help his situation.
“Are you going out? It’s a little past the time you usually leave for patrol, don’t you think?”
A tint of perplexity tugged at his features. Raven, of all people, was initiating small chats? He had half expected for her to immediately wish him goodnight and teleported straight back to her place now that his safety had been verified. Almost right away, Dick wanted to smack himself for the impertinent assumption. She was only trying to be considerate toward his well being. Besides, they were friends, and there was nothing odd about friends exchanging harmless questions.
Especially if they were going to evolve into a greater status…
Stop. Right there.
“Actually, I was going out shopping. The thing is, the secret exit where I could slip out in my civilian clothes unnoticed was jammed, and Dick Grayson cannot be seen merrily leaving Nightwing’s safehouse through the main entry. I know that the location of this place is discreet, but we can’t ever be too careful.”
“I see…” Raven merely gave him a brief nod as acknowledgement, then pulled the hood over her face in one neat motion, allowing the comforting shadows to return to raise up her walls of privacy: “Do try to handle your communication devices more carefully from now on. I’ll be making one last sweep of my sector before turning in…”
Gurgle
The pale, slender fingers curling around the edge of her hood entered a stiff stillness.
Raven was frozen in that very position for one second at least, then, she turned her head to the left, before swiveling it to the right, wearing a wide-eyed expression that no living soul believed she was capable of.
In the end, those tennis balls of eyes returned to settle on him, practically sloshing with incredulity.
“Was that… your stomach growling?”
There was a modicum of hesitation that caused the usual smoothness in her voice to glitch, as if she had no idea how to get the words out with grace.
In all fairness, that was a beautiful night they were having.
The sky spread into infinity abovehead, a velvet ocean of serenity that set the heart at ease. Its currents surfaced in the form of the asterisms that weaved themselves into ethereal dance amid the darkness, and its silent waves rippled to life among the endless blinking stars.
The night winds brushed against his skin, tickling the hair by the side of his face, leaving a gentle chill that felt almost emollient before drifting off.
There was vastness in the space, a halcyon emptiness that couldn’t be found anywhere when enveloped in the rhythm of the city, lost within the cacophony of life. There was nothing to anchor his attention but the ethereal heaven unfurling beyond his gaze, and the embodiment of its holy essence standing across from him.
And…
Gurgle
And he couldn’t tell if this was the brand new emergency protocol his body developed, but he wouldn’t complain. It wasn’t dignified in the slightest, but it sure as Hell worked!
“Well… I didn’t have the chance to eat.” He offered a quick sheepish confession. It wasn’t entirely a lie. He had been running on empty since the light refreshments he passed off as dinner burned themselves down through those previous meltdowns. Ushering the last remnants of unwanted thoughts hiding among his nerves into their cage, he continued without missing a beat: “I guess I’ll grab something off of a convenience store…”
“Would you care to accompany me for dinner then? I myself haven’t eaten either. My treat.”
Dick paused mid-sentence, surprise forming a blockage over his vocal cord.
Did Raven of all people just invite him out for a meal? At this late hour? Where there was possibly nobody else on the street but the two of them?
He couldn’t suppress the sharpened glint in his eyes which flicked upward to regard her, and was, once again, silently grateful that the mask was present to obscure his expression. Of course, there was no hint into her mind that could be recognized among her stoic calm.
The meticulous man pondered his options. With his knowledge of Raven, there was little chance of her breaking her own bubble out of desire for companionship. The sorceress was more of the type that would search for opportunities to be alone with him and experience firsthand the extent of his predicament, seeing for herself if it would pose further danger.
And what a coincidence. Now that his mind is freed of the unhealthy fantasies, he also needed to understand the full impact she might have on him.
“An invitation from the infamous Ice Queen herself?! To what do I own the honor?”
oOo
“You know, when you put such emphasis on the word ‘dinner’, I assumed our destination would be that fancy 24/7 restaurant by the port, not these big metal refrigerated boxes.”
“First, there isn't much difference in the food both distribute, and these vending machines deliver hot meals for a far less outrageous price. Second, it’s unprofessional for us to be seen entering places of indulgence in uniform… And third, I fail to see how you are complaining when you’re eagerly devouring carbohydrates in an amount that shouldn’t be anywhere near your digestive system past midnight.”
“Why do you have to phrase that so bitterly… Have you been sneaking ice cream late at night and suffering the consequences again?”
“...Stop stalking and finish your medically concerning burger.”
The experience had transpired in a way that… pleased him more than Dick first anticipated.
Their walk from the outskirts of the city toward this low-traffic area of the commercial district passed without any noteworthy incident, much to his surprise. Whatever impulse that rattled the basement of his mind made no conscious effort to crush the lock, and he hadn’t once needed to outroar them to enforce silence. He could stay close to her, taking in all of her, yet none of his attempts to admire her pretty face culminated in him clutching a rather visible pant lumps. There were moments where he inhaled a deep breath, bracing himself for the usual spiraling and began visualizing her in… more compromising positions, but aside from the faint tint of pink dusting his cheeks, nothing else answered those dangerous conjuring.
Well, if he was to be honest with himself, those brief series of melancholy admiration did return, but they always started slow, allowing him enough time to notice the warning signs and interfere.
In short, he was… safe.
And that definitely called for celebration!
Long story short, that was how they found themselves seated on a bench tucked by an assortment of vending machines, relishing the coolness of the night. The bright white beam from the streetlamp overhead poured over the multicolored surfaces of the machines and the commodities they housed, creating a small pocket of cheer amid the darkness.
Dick watched as light glimmered across Raven’s face, softening the otherwise somber paleness of her cheeks and threaded sparks of radiance through her violet hair. The night gathered at the edge of the glow, its shadows slithering inside to drape over part of her figure, but there was nothing intrusive about them, the same way being illuminated by the light never made her brummagen. As a matter of fact, she adorned herself in both with grace and pride, light and darkness alike. As if the calm overflowing her heart had tamed those opposite forces, convincing them to coexist.
She was indeed a pretty woman, and he was beyond relieved that he could finally admit this without violating her by proxy.
Dick stretched his jaw and, without an ounce of care for his appearance, chomped down a large piece off of his oversized burger that had his cheeks billowing almost comically. He ignored the mild look of disapproval flashing past Raven’s face, who was processing through her berry turnover in gentle bites and careful chews, and did his best to grind his teeth through the dense mass of meat, cheese, and veggies packing his mouth.
“...That’s a substantial amount of food… Are you feeling all right these days?”
“Uh? Gwat u ou gean gy gwat?” Ever the attentive leader, Dick turned toward his subordinate. He wasn’t sure what had prompted her question, but he was ready to address it to the best of his ability.
“...Swallow your food first. And don’t talk with your mouth full, what if you end up choking yourself?”
Right… Guess he didn’t exactly look the part of an attentive leader with puffed out cheeks and brows raised high enough to snap outside of his mask and disappear under his hair…
Raven exhibited an astounding degree of patience as she waited for him to work through his meal, upholding a perfect silence even after the last bite of pastry vanished between her pearly teeth and her hands came to rest over her knees, folded with poise. Her spine remained locked in a rigid straight line as she stared ahead into the empty street before them, shoulders even and head held high. The posture wasn’t remotely close to comfortable whatsoever, and Dick had to pick up his pace simply to bring her out of it.
Something was bothering her. He could tell. She might be a person of discipline, but allowing it to pull her taut for a prolonged period like this… was unusual.
“You can relax, you know. There’s no emergency on our hands, no villains flipping the city on its head, and no civilians around. Just you and me here.” Wiping the last trace of sauce off of his chin with a piece of napkin, Dick started, flipping on his advisory tone that had his words coming out on a steady lilt perfected by a caring undertone. “Just friends hanging out on a slow night, let’s enjoy it to the fullest.”
The words weren’t designed to soothe alone. He meant what he told her. As guardians of a crowded city infested with vicious criminals, they were always expected to carry themselves with a certain presence to ward off evil and endear themselves to the masses. Formidable in the way they moved, chest protruded, steps resolute, yet considerate in the way they addressed others, in each reassuring smile and pat on the back. He wouldn’t complain. Being able to masquerade under that mask was a prerequisite in this line of work, and as with any profession, to succeed in it brought promising rewards.
But that didn’t mean the weight needed to follow them into every aspect of their life. No. To be able to slip off of all those selflessness if needed is a prerequisite as well, for not doing so would soon break their back in half.
“I am. I’m simply trying to survey the area in the process.” Came her dry, gravel-like voice as she glanced sideways at him: “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Oh yeah? Because last time I checked, you do so with your eyes, not with your whole frame.” The words spilled from his lips with more bite than he intended for them to be as his own thoughts turned red hot on the path they rode in his mind. He was quick to shift the blame on the physiological crisis holding his brain hostage as of late - what else could it possibly be anyway? - but couldn't stop himself from thinking that her habit of constantly prioritizing others' needs and neglecting her own felt wrong to permit continuity.
At this rate, she'd go past the point of no return one day. And he wouldn't know how to patch her up…
“I fail to see how my comportment poses an issue.” She persisted, now turning her head to face him. The sternness in her voice felt unnaturally intentional, to the point it bordered on being strained: “My job is to assist you in purging the city of crime, ensuring the needs of the citizens are met, while upholding your status in their eyes. I should be ready under all circumstances.”
Dick's brows pinched together as her reply raced through his head. His inner detective latched onto every detail, dissecting them apart. There was a brief moment at the end of the line when her words became more rushed than they should, especially around the mention of how his status was to be strengthened. So her emotional state had turned erratic at that very second and she failed to reestablish her composure in time? But what could possibly have unsettled this famously stoic woman…
Hang on…
If memory served him right, the sector where she was stationed stayed close to a dilapidated slum already scheduled for clearance. And knowing Raven, she would definitely patrol the place on repeat to ensure nothing wrong ever occurred on her watch.
“Raven…” The Titans' leader drawled, lengthening her name on purpose as he plucked a kebab skewer from the endless fast food items he had deposited on the bench earlier: “Was there something you heard about me from the locals?”
She didn't respond, but the way her posture further stiffened gave away more than a verbal answer ever could.
“Did you overhear them talking about me being an idiot, or me being unworthy of protecting the city, or my methods were intended to fail because I didn't spill blood, or that aside from driving them from their houses, I didn't accomplish anything good?”
“That I was a wishful thinking fraud and a good-for-nothing clown?”
Her hands clenched tighter each time a new word met her ears.
His voice was measured, steady, didn't bother to hide the quiet snicker escaping mid-sentence.
And, no, he wasn't resentful of the rumors about him that circulated among a certain segment of the population. He knew he did his job well enough, and when the changes were in motion, opinions were bound to change. The people here simply needed time to adapt to trusting a public figure that actually served them, not viewing them as lambs waiting for slaughter.
But this, this stubborn, imaginative, silly sorceress by his side had taken those bitter sentences from a group of people nourished by distrust to heart, and let them torture her to the point she refused to let herself rest, fearing that it might affect his reputation.
And it was never her problem to begin with…
Yet, not once had she come for him to report any of this. She kept embracing others' pain close until it festered her heart, etching into her flesh the wounds that never belonged to her until she bled dry…
He didn't even ask her to protect him in the first place! Did she think that he was incapable of defending himself against such hollow rumors?
Stupid.
The soft snickering had already exploded into open laughter before he could stop himself, and his hand ended up leaping upward to cover his mouth to suppress the volume.
“Raven… You silly girl…” Dick exhaled out a melodramatic gush of air. He pulled the first piece of meat off of the kebab skewer in his hand, keeping his voice and action casual as if he was simply discussing the weather.
“I do not see how this is a laughing matter, Nightwing. The people of the city aren't…” His nonchalant demeanor must have hit a nerve, for Raven was beginning to raise her voice, a frown cracking the calm serenity inherent to her pretty features.
And she stopped in her tracks.
It wasn't that her outburst had been restrained, or the realization that her power might spiral all over the place if her emotions remained unchecked had sunk in.
The instant her mouth parted, Dick had taken the chance to slip the well-roasted piece of meat inside, then seizing his playful fingers around her cheeks to coax her lips into a tight line, refusing to let her continue.
The adorable look on her face as righteous anger faded into pure discombobulation almost drew a fresh laughter from him. Raven made a few incoherent sounds of disapproval, patting at his hand as a warning began sharpening her eyes.
“No. You are to be quiet, and listen to me.” His voice rode an eerie calmness as it bounced off his mouth. He didn't actually intend for it to get under her skin, but didn't stop the teasing smirk from pulling on his lips as she paused in her protest, stunned violet eyes turning as wide as her muscles allowed. Her hands halted their tapping movements against the back of his.
His eyes squinted in amusement, the long fingers that he now realized exceeded hers in size squeezed ever so slightly, trapping her defiance behind an undignified pucker.
“Well, is the food delicious?”
Raven must be taken aback by the sudden question. Unable to deliver a verbal answer, she resigned to a quick series of nods, a dazed look crossing her features.
“Chew, and finish then.”
He waited for her to work through her treat with a patience parallel to what she had shown him and his giant burger, making a point to savor the softness of her skin even through the gloves of his uniform whenever her cheeks pressed tight against his fingers. There was an indignation lurking behind the impassive mask Raven had slipped back under, and he gave her cheeks a couple firm squeezes in return, turning the hair framing her face disheveled.
“See? It wasn't so bad to let go of your concerns and savor the good things life offers once in a while.” Only when she had finished the treat did he release her already squished face from the sly prison of his fingers. Raven didn't look too pleased as she eyed him, both hands massaging the soreness that had seeped into the muscles of her face.
“You…”
He popped another piece of kebab into her mouth, and she let both lips close around it by reflex. A bewildered blink betrayed her confusion, turning both her eyes wide and round as if she was wondering where he had found the courage for such insolence.
“Nuh uh, I told you to listen, didn't I?” Dick didn't hesitate as he brandished the pointy end of the skewer he was holding in her direction, one hand planted on his hips as he leaned closer, a flurry of words exploding from his mouth with the aggressive pace of cannon balls.
“Do you think the city is beautiful?” He didn't give her the opportunity to formulate a response, choosing instead to offer her one with his next line: “Of course it is beautiful. Look across the street, or even below your feet, what do you see? Yes, it is precisely what you are beholding! Modernity, convenience, and amenity, all the great things that make humans' life worth living. And do you know what occupied this very place only a couple months ago? Casinos way over there, and a brothel right where you are standing!”
His voice rushed out in a heated gush, the blaze burning through his thoughts powering them. Every remaining scrap of his rational thought was spent resisting the urge to rip off his mask, exposing her to the conflagration flaring at the depth of his blue eyes…
“No, you listen, Raven. I am making progress, the city is making progress, and every one is on the path of healing themselves. You think the people who lived in this part of the city welcomed me with open arms right at the start? Well, for your information, they didn't. I earned it, Raven, all by myself. The moment they realized thugs stopped reacting in violence when their behaviors weren't answered with death, and the recurring welfare programs stopped the likelihood of more people becoming thugs, they started looking at me in a new light.”
“This is not wishful thinking, Raven. This is the most practical option. People will change once they understand that the method I chose is in their best interest.”
He paused, filling with overworked lungs with oxygen, and breathed it all out in a softer, less confrontional request:
“So, stop worrying your little head over trivial matters. Just trust me, and learn to appreciate the little thing in life that I built. Can you do that for me?”
“Well, Raven?”
Her name was pronounced in slow, heavy syllables, the question smoldering and demanding. His gaze was fixed on her, unyielding, unblinking, and he managed to catch that brief moment when she dipped her head in an almost imperceptible nod.
“Good girl.”
A purr of approval bounced off his confident smirk as the pulsing emotions within him steadied.
That was so close. To think that his subordinate was about to…
Wait, hang on…
Dick blinked.
There was barely a breath of space separating the two of them.
The tip of his nose was about to touch her.
The skewer in his hand was empty now.
And Raven was still chewing, shrinking into herself and crossing her arms before her chest like a sulking puppy being admonished for a severe mistake. The thick aggrievement in her wide eyes almost condensed into a teary film.
“Well… Okay… Glad you… get my point…”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Dick scooted himself away to raise as much distance as possible between them on the bench. A nervous, embarrassed chuckle sizzled the crown of his teeth as it bubbled off his lips, his darting eyes focusing on anything but her behind the domino mask.
Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck
Is it too late to pray for a return of the lust??