Chapter Text
Good morning, this is the PRT non-emergency hotline, my name is Maddie. Please be aware that this call may be recorded. How may I help you?
Yes, ello sorry to bover you I am an exchange stoodent at Brockton U for dis spring semestyr and I am also registered wizz, heu, the French Parayooman civil serviceez. I haven't managid to find any kind of, heu, form or document about registrashun or affiliashun or foreign exchange on you webseet. I'm not sure I've call the right number. Your webseet is very confusing. Maybe you can elp me or redirect my call pleese?
I'm sorry, sir, let me confirm I heard you right. You are a foreign national residing in the city and wish to enlist with the PRT?
Heu... Yes maybee? I am unsure how it works wizz you in the US. I aven’t find the form to declare myself. Yes, I am a parayooman and registered in France and now I am in Brockton for the soon five monfs. I don't know how I do?
Okay sir, let me redirect your call. Please hold.
Fank you very mootch.
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(a few seconds of Vivaldi's Summer)
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Good morning, this is the PRT non-emergency hotline, my name is Mary. Please be aware that this call may be recorded. How can I help?
Ello?
Hello sir you've reached the PRT. Non. Emergency. Hotline. May I ask what is this about?
OK sorry I was redirectid to yoo. I just finisht explaining to your colleague that I am looking for, to find a form on your Peeartee website for registering my service but I can't find it and it was the only number I found.
Er... sorry sir what kind of form are you looking for?
I am just arrived ehre by plane last week, I want to... signal myself for you to coll me if you need my help? I am a bit confused by how to do that here. I am fully registerayd back ome and I have a valid stoodent vizza because I'm an exchange stoodent at BeeYou but I don't know if my... heu... para-file? was transferid to you or not. I have all the justifications to fill the form againg but I can't find it. Please help me.
Er... Okay? Please hold a second-
(hey Maddie I have a guy, Mexican or something who keep asking about, like, a file and to enlist with us or something. D'you know anything about this?)
(Yeah the French guy? I switched him to you because I thought you'd like his cute accent.)
(Yeah maybe but I can't understand what he wants.)
(Didn't he tell you he wants to enlist or whatever?)
(Well I think he did?)
(There you go, send him to HR, stupid.)
(Shit I forgot to mute!)
Okay sir are you there? Sorry about that. I think I got it, let me transfer your call.
Pfff... yes fank you.
Wait what's the num...
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(twenty seconds of Vivaldi's Summer on loop for roughly five minutes)
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PRT Contracts and Billing Department, this is Marcia speaking. How can I assist you?
Ello sorry the lady from the hotline sendid my call ere, I don't know if you are the right, heu, interlocutor. I am a parayooman from France and I wish to register myself to you, but I didn't find any form to do so pleese.
I'm sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. You want to do what to me?
I said I did not find the form to register wiz you. Not you you, you all of you in the puhertay. For Re-gis-tra-shun.
Sir, there's no need to raise your voice. Let me transfer you to HR.
Okay, heu, fank you?
What did y-
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(twenty seconds of badly compressed Vivaldi's Winter on loop for at least ten minutes)
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PRT Human Resources Department, Mary-Ann speaking. If this is about a job offer, we are always recruiting. However, you need to send your resume through our website. I've been informed that you are a foreign national. Please be aware that any recruitment may depend on your visa status.
Ello yes fank you. I'm not sure why zis is so difficoolt. I was sent here from another department, but I don't fink is the right place? I am not looking for a job at the puhertay. I am looking for a way to register myself so I can work with your services as a parayooman, heu, aide? elp? You know like an, er, adjoint for the pompyee? I do zis at home. It’s easy. I just need ze form.
Sir, please speak more slowly. Hablo Español? Tenemos muchos hispanohablantes aquí en el departamento si eso fuera más fácil para usted.
Oh putain... Heu... No hablas Espagnol. I don't speak Spanish. I am almost beelingual wiz a very sleet axen in inglish you know, I'm not speaking ozer languagees. Lissen. I. am. not. looking. for. a. job. at. the. puhertay. I. am. a. parayooman. I. am. looki-
What, you are a parahuman!? But you can't work for the PRT!
I-I know zat. I am looking to register so I can-
Sir, I can't continue speaking with you if you are a parahuman. How did you even get this number? I thought this phone was secure. Oh no oh God oh fuck do I have to go into M/S isolation again?
Madam, please madame, non no pleese I want to elp only. Don't panic pleese. I was transferred to you c'est tout, heu, that is all, pleese.
Okay. Okay. I'm okay. Let me transfer you.
To wh-
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(fifteen seconds of badly compressed Vivaldi's Winter on loop for what feels like half an hour)
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Why's this phone ringing? Hello? How d'you get this number?
Yes ello, my call was transferred ere. I am look-
Urghh, let me transfer you.
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(thirty seconds of crystal clear Pachelbel's Canon In D Major on loop for at least a full quarter of an hour)
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Good morning. You've reached the PRT East North East reception lobby, this is Monica. How may I assist you?
Ello. I'm sorry to bover you but I am being transferred back and forf since zis morning. Pleese don't transfer me zis time! Zis is my problem. Pleese lissen. I am an esktchange student at Brockton You until summer. I am French. I am a parayooman and I am registered back ome to elp with the parapompyee, heu, what's the word, emergency responders? I don't know who to talk to so I can elp when I am ere. In France there is a form for zat because I am only a category cee. I don't know how to do it ere. I can give you my identification numbers. My name is Tee-
HOLD! Okay, please slow down. First, if you are a parahuman, please don't give out your name, sir! Second, this is the PRT. I think you want to touch base with the Protectorate.
It is not the same fing?
The same thing?! Hell no! Parahumans go with the Protectorate, and regular humans go to the PRT. It's dead obvious.
Ah. I have not found the Protectorate number to call. What is it? Oh, or can you redirect me?
...Yes. Yes, I can transfer you.
Thank you madame.
Please hold.
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(holding beeps for something like ten minutes, then random clicks and whistles)
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click.
Console, who's this?
Heu.. Ello? I am at the Brockton Protectorate?
This is the Console. Who're you? How did’ya get on this line?
Heu, sorry, I was transfer from the PRT accueil, heu, reception. I did not call you directly. I am a parayooman, but only category cee and I am an exchange student from France at Brockton U. I want to register to elp you around when I am eere?
Is this a joke? Benny is that you?
Dis is not a joke. I want to register as parayooman please?
Dude this is an internal emergency line. Clogging a parahuman emergency number is a crime. Identify yourself now!
Oh, oui attendez wait. Ah there it is. My code is Ayf Urr zeero one zeero six free eight nine, heu... ah! hyphen, zeero seven zérozérozéro free. Category cee. My name is Teeboweehburh. I don't ave a, what do you say, suit name.
Huh? Who?
Teeboweehburh. It don't matter. Can you transfer me to not an emergency line with the Brockton Protectorate? Pleese?
Wait I dunno know how to transfer this thing... Hey Rory help me out!
click
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(20 seconds of strangely tinny Journey's Don't Stop Believin' on loop until the end of eternity)
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This is Miss Militia. Talk to me.
De quoi... Mizz Milichuh... Ok wow...
Hello? Who is this?
Okay ello, sorry I was a bit, heu, awstrook. Sorry to bover you Mizz, I was transferred to you because I am trying to reach anyone who can elp me. You see I am an exchange stoodent at the Brockton University for this semester. But I am also a parayooman, and I am registered with ze, heu, I don't know how it translates let's say, French parahuman civil service. I was trying to find a form on ze PRT webseet to register so I could help you around while I'm here. You know how to do zis? I'm with the parapompee at home if zat elps.
I think I see; you could not find a way to register because there is no such form, certainly not on the PRT website. There aren't really any foreign heroes exchanges in Brockton Bay except with Canada's Protectorate branches. Well, not above board, at any rate. As far as I know, you'd be the first. No, you'd need to come down to the PRT for an interview and we'll work out an arrangement. Rest assured, we never turn down a hero cape, whatever the circumstances. We need the help too much. At the same time, we also have to vet each new cape individually, face to face, the sooner the better. Can we meet this afternoon?
This afternoon? Well, that would be difficult, I have courses after four most days. I was thinking maybe on Friday or even Saturday if you're open on the weekends.
Of course, we're open 7/7 all day and night. Don-
Héhé, ça ça change d'à la maison...
I didn't get that?
Sorry I mumbled over you; I meant no disrespect. Continue.
I was saying We're open 7/7 24/24. Wouldn't you want a meeting as soon as possible, so you can do some good? You know what, when were you planning your next patrol? BU is on several of ours and New Waves's patrol routes, we can arrange meet without any true procedure.
Patrouille what patrouille? No, you don't understand again! I'm only category cee. Itz been over too hours sinz I first colled! I want to register to elp! It's easy. It was easy when I went to Spain, it was easy in Belgique also. Why it isn't easy eere? I have class soon.
Sir. I understand. You're a foreign national on foreign land. Truly, I know how all this can be overwhelming. You don't know the ways, you don't know the people, you don't know the rules. That's normal. Take a breath. I hear you are distraught and that you want to help. Now, think about how I feel. You've been dropped on my lap through very unconventional means. I don't know you and I have no idea if you're genuine or not. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, because I know from our logs you've really been bounced around for... let me see the log... wow. An hour and seventeen minutes. Not many pranksters would keep on for that long. Also, as you can guess, every inbound call is logged, recorded, and traced.
Yes, we do ze same at ome.
Of course. As I said. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. But I do need a few guarantees. You say you can't be bothered to meet formally until the weekend, and then you say we can't meet up for any kind of joint patrol. Why is that?
Well, I can meet most mornings, but not too early. But you didn't offer mornings, so I didn't. And back home I don't usually patrol, I am mostly on call for emergencies with the parapompee. And I have not thought about patrolling here yet because my gear is back home. I am only a Category cee, I told you.
Yes, you've been repeating that term category C and para-pump-ee... We don't use the same terminology here.
Oh! Sorry yes Category C means I am not qualified to be a true Heeroz like in the Suits or the para-Gendarmerie and stuff. I mostly help with the Pompiers and the SAMU, that's the firefighters and, what do you call it, ambulances? First responsers? responders?
I see, well around here we do not reject any hero from doing their part. Whatever strengh your power may be, there is always a way to help. Would you be open for a meeting tomorrow morning at nine so we can talk face to face?
Nine? Thats a bit early... No! Sorry no that's possible. I mean yes, I can make it. At the PRT or the platform?
Platf- Oh you mean the rig? Well, either would do, but the PRT headquarters would be easier for you to get to. It's on the BBTA Line 3.
Yes, I have a map. Do you need my code?
Your code?
Yes, it is FR0106389-070003. Category C.
That's a social security number or something? No, I don't need that. I only need your cape name. A PRT agent will call you later today to give you a passphrase to give the lobby.
Oh, It's my parayooman identity number. I thought you'd need it so you could link with my file at home. They need it all the time in the CEE. Sorry. And I told you I'm only a category C, so I don't have a suit name. And because I'm a category C its no need so there it is My normal name is Teebow-
Wait no!
-Ehbur. I know you guys have trooble spelling it right so there it is: Tee Aych Ay Bee Ey You El Tee, Aych Ee with an acute accent Bee Argh Tee. Thibault Hébert.