Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan knew that his life was nearing an end. He knew that one day his sickly frail body would eventually give out and fail to support him, he was prepared. He’d already come to terms with it not many years after he had been told his life would be cut short. However, it did not mean he would pass without regrets. He’d always regret not having been able to go out and see the world, instead being confined to his hospital bed. He had begged his family to at least take him to a beach before it was his time. They refused. He’d never know what the sand beneath his feet would feel like. Nor would he know what the sea smelled like.

So, he instead found comfort in novels. Every kind that he could get his hands on. He blew his parent's money on the online copies of many books, even setting up an account where he’d freely be able to criticize what he read under the user Peerless Cucumber. He had gotten a good laugh out of the username when he first came up with it. 

The most recent victim of his criticism was a Stallion Novel called Proud Immortal Demon Way.

It was shit. Shen Yuan hated every little thing about it. He’d spent weeks binge-reading it, hoping that it may one day get better. It didn’t. Every time that the story seemed to be taking a turn to intriguing worldbuilding? The next chapter would be horrendous porn all for the sake of some cheap plot development. The women were there for no reason other than to be used for papapa! They had no depth in their character and they lacked any common sense! The men were almost no better, only existing to be killed off. It was safe to say that Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky was one of the worst writers to exist in Shen Yuan’s opinion. And he sure made it known. 

What better was there to do for a chronically ill 19-year-old confined to a hospital bed than to flame a trashy novel and its shitty author? What else would he do? His family rejected his wishes as if he would live any longer so he had to vent his anger somehow! Even if it meant becoming the novel's most well-known anti-fan.

He had just eaten some yogurt, ignoring the funny smell that was coming from it. He was too lazy to get up and get something more fresh okay!? Shortly after eating, he opened his phone to see that the final chapter of PIDW had been uploaded. 

It was shit. Shen Yuan didn’t know what he’d been expecting. His nails clacked fast against his phone’s screen, a lengthy hate comment appearing on his screen as he bashed every little thing that he could. 

In the middle of his comment, he felt a sudden wave of nausea wash over him. It wasn’t anything new, he should’ve been able to drink some water and get over it. But it didn’t go away. Sharp pains in his stomach arose and his phone slipped out of his hand, falling to the floor with a clack! He hissed in a mix of annoyance and pain, trying to turn his body so he could get off the bed and grab the phone. 

But as soon as he got off of the bed, the world spun. The nausea hit him 10 times worse while his knees buckled under him. He couldn’t stop himself from vomiting, the sound of his heart monitor speeding up causing his disorientation to worsen.

Through his blurred vision, he saw nurses rushing to his side. It was a futile effort. He could feel his body finally giving up on him. Of course this would happen after he read the most rage-inducing novel ending to exist. Come on, the world couldn’t even let him die peacefully after giving him a miserable life? 

Stupid novel, stupid author!

+++

It was cold. Hot at the same time. He could hear someone softly speaking to him. Shen Yuan couldn’t make out the words that were being spoken to him but he felt as though he should trust this person. His body felt warm, unnaturally so. A fever? He should be used to those. So why did his body feel like it was experiencing one for the first time? He couldn’t open his eyes. The light hurt too much for him to bear. He curled in on himself, barely noticing how his body was too small to be his. He felt arms envelop him, a hand gently stroking his hair. That’s weird, when did his hair get so long? He doesn’t know. There was a voice humming to him, comforting as he sank back into sleep. 

+++

“A-Yuan.”

“A-Yuan?”

“Xiao-Jiu, don’t worry. He’s just resting.”

“His fever broke, he should be awake by now.”
“It took a toll on him, he needs extra rest as he recovers.’

The boy sighed. “You’re right, Qi-Ge.” A hand ran through his hair, letting him sink into a more comfortable sleep.

+++

When Shen Yuan finally regained consciousness, he was being carried. But the boy seemed far too young to be able to carry a 19-year-old. He looked to the right and another boy was walking alongside them. They met each other's gaze, seemingly startling the boy. “Xiao-Yuan! You’re awake!” The boy beamed. 

The one carrying him immediately halted to a stop, quickly adjusting Shen Yuan’s position so he was on the boy’s hip instead. “A-Yuan, how are you feeling?” He was questioned, a hand coming to rest on his forehead. 

Shen Yuan hesitated. Who were these boys? They seemed to know him but, despite the familiarity he felt, he didn’t know them. 

He must have been looking at them with a stupidly confused expression because the one holding him scoffed. “Well? Speak to your gege already! You were unconscious for nearly a week due to that fever, A-Yuan.”

His gege? But the boy didn’t look like either of his older brothers. Hell, the boy looked to be not even old enough! “‘m fine.” The voice that came out of his body wasn’t his. His body went rigid. His body? No, this body didn’t feel like his. He looked down, met with the sight of a body that couldn’t be older than three years old. 

“Xiao-Yuan? What’s the matter?” The boy walking beside them wiped at Shen Yuan’s face, only then did he realize that he had begun crying. What was he crying for? He wasn’t the type to cry, even with the amount of distress and confusion he was feeling. He’s always been good at keeping a cool head, learning how to after receiving his diagnosis. It prevented his family from looking at him with pity. Kind of.

“Qi-ge, what’s the matter with him?” The boy who was holding him asked the other with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Ah, Xiao-Jiu he may be disorientated after such a harsh fever.”

Qi-ge? Xiao-Jiu? Who were they? Why couldn’t he remember? He tried and tried to search his memory but nothing came up. Sobs tore through him as he slowly realized, he couldn’t remember much of anything. Who was he? His name was Shen Yuan, wasn’t he 19 years old? But his size said otherwise– his everything said otherwise. This wasn’t his world, his body, these absolutely weren’t his brothers. But despite that, he clung to the boy holding him. He buried his face into the crook of– his gege’s? Neck. 

His gege. His mind tried telling him that wasn’t right, but it had to be right. Qi-ge, the name felt right to him. He didn’t know where he was or who these two were but they were safe. The safety and comfort he felt as both of them wrapped their arms around him, holding him in a tight embrace, was real. 

+++

Shen Jiu and Yue Qi were their names, Shen Yuan learned. He was Shen Jiu’s younger brother by many years. Their parents had either died or thrown them to the streets, leaving the brothers to become victims of human trafficking. Despite how young Shen Yuan was, he was not spared from receiving the slave brand that resided on his lower back. He guessed that Shen Jiu also had the brand, along with Yue Qi. And just Shen Yuan’s luck, this body was sickly as well. Prone to getting high fevers that would leave him on bed rest for days at a time. Maybe it would get better as he got older in this life.

Shen Yuan couldn’t remember much. All of his memories from his previous life were hazy, it scared him. His memories had been fine, intact until he had woken up. He sought comfort from his older brother who was more than willing to give it despite not knowing the reason why. More than often there would be times Shen Yuan would burst into tears, thinking too hard about his muddy memories. He, Shen Jiu, and Yue Qi would end up in a group hug until Shen Yuan had calmed. It was like this for months. 

Shen Yuan grew attached quickly. It was okay for that to happen, right? He didn’t know what happened to the true Shen Yuan, but he was here now. There was likely no way for him to return to his world and these two were oh so caring. Despite their conditions, Shen Yuan was constantly doted on. Loved. How could he not grow to love them the same? Maybe it was because he now had the literal brain of a 3-year-old, but he didn’t find anything wrong with shamelessly claiming Shen Jiu and Yue Qi as his new brothers. 

+++

“Gegeeee pick me up!” Shen Yuan whined, his feet hurting as he tried to keep up with his brother. 

Shen Jiu looked down at him, a smirk on his face. “I thought you wanted to be a big kid and walk? What happened to that? You were very adamant that you could walk yourself…”

Shen Yuan pouted. “Pleeeasseee!!!” He begged. “My feet hurt!”

Yue Qi laughed softly. “Oh Xiao-Jiu, don’t you think he’s learned his lesson by now?”

“Oh, barely!” Shen Jiu scoffed. 

Shen Yuan could see that he wasn’t going to win this so he quickly turned to Yue Qi. “Qi-ge…” He put on his best puppy dog eyes, feeling silent glee when he saw the older boy falter. Moments later, Yue Qi gave in and lifted Shen Yuan onto his hip. 

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “You spoil him too much! It’s going to get to his head!”

Yue Qi let out a sigh. “Xiao-Yuan is only three, even if he wanted to his legs are too short to be walking for so long.” He defended as Shen Yuan rested his head on the boy's chest, taking the chance to close his eyes and get some rest. “See? He’s all tired now.” 

Shen Jiu grumbled quietly about something, not arguing any longer once he realized it was a futile effort. 

The trio were making their way back to where they would rest at night, a nice secluded alleyway that was warm-ish. His Gege had to fight the rest of the children for it. It was scary to see him bloodied up after the fight. Though, the other children looked to be in a much worse state. Yue Qi showed him how to bandage up wounds after that happened, saying it was an essential skill for him to have. “He needs to learn how to fight. Defense at the least.” Shen Jiu said as they walked into the alley.

Yue Qi sighed. “He’s only 3, Xiao-Jiu. He’s far too young.”

Shen Jiu scoffed. “What are you going to do if one day I get sold? A-Yuan won’t know how to defend himself and you’re too scared to fight dirty!” He crossed his arms. 

“Don’t talk like that. You won’t get sold.” Yue Qi used a rare stern tone with Shen Jiu.

Shen Yuan glanced between the two, growing nervous at the aggression this conversation was bringing. He didn’t want his Gege to be sold, but he had to accept that it was always possible. It was possible for any of them to be sold and it was scary to think about. Thus, causing him to burst into tears. 

Whatever argument that would have resulted from the conversation was immediately shot down as Shen Jiu and Yue Qi’s attention snapped to Shen Yuan. “I don’t want Gege to leave…” He sobbed.

Shen Jiu was already taking Shen Yuan into his arms. “Oh A-Yuan, I’m not leaving.” He coaxed, a guilty expression on his face. “It would take 100 cultivators to split me from you.” Shen Yuan hiccuped as he cried, burying his face in the crook of Shen Jiu’s neck. Shen Jiu patted his back while simultaneously bouncing him gently, whispering comforting words to his younger brother. “Didi, do you want to see something cool?” He asked once Shen Yuan’s cries started to calm. 

Shen Yuan rubbed his eyes, looking up at his gege before nodding. “I do.”

Yue Qi following close behind, Shen Jiu sat down in a corner of the alleyway. He placed Shen Yuan on his lap before pulling a few leaves out of his pocket. Shen Yuan watched as Shen Jiu held it out before the leaf suddenly went from soft and flimsy to razor sharp. It drew a gasp out of the 3-year-old, his eyes wide and sparkling. Yue Qi had a wary smile on his face as he sat next to the two, wrapping a dingy blanket around the brothers. “Gege, gege! How did you do that!?” Shen Yuan held the leaf in his hand, shocked at how it was rock hard.

Shen Jiu hummed, pleased that he managed to distract Shen Yuan. “Didi, do you know what qi is?”

Shen Yuan paused, thinking for a moment. “Magic!” He stated with a giggle.

Shen Jiu smiled, brushing the hair out of Shen Yuan’s eyes. “Close. It’s a type of energy that you can use to do super cool things, like what I just did with the leaf.” He started. “It can also be used to speed up someone’s healing or even give you the ability to use and fly on a spiritual sword–”

Shen Yuan interrupted, gasping. “I want a sword!” He exclaimed, causing both of the older boys to burst out laughing. 

“Maybe one day, Xiao-Yuan.” Yue Qi told him, gently pinching Shen Yuan’s cheek to make him giggle.

“Mmm, I can already see it. My little A-Yuan being the best cultivator and swordsman there is.” Shen Jiu said, peppering Shen Yuan’s face with kisses. 

Shen Yuan shrieked at the sudden pinch and kiss attacks before bursting out into laughter. “I’ll be the best ever! Then gege and Qi-Ge can live in comfort forever… because I’ll have loads of money!!!” 

Shen Jiu pulled him close. “That would be nice, A-Yuan.” Shen Yuan couldn’t see the sad smile that his brother and Yue Qi shared. He remained blissfully unaware as he snuggled up to Shen Jiu, yawning as his eyes drooped shut. Shen Jiu leaned against Yue Qi who wrapped his arms around them in return. “That would be nice.”

+++

By now, it had been close to a year since Shen Yuan transmigrated. It was winter again, causing his frail body to grow sick once again. They used the blanket to create a sort of sling that carried Shen Yuan as they went out, begging for food and money. Shen Yuan had slowly begun picking up on Shen Jiu’s skills, figuring out how to make himself fake cry and with Shen Jiu’s teaching even learning how to do the leaf trick. Though, he wasn’t all that good with it due to how young he was. Give him a break, he’s still very much only 4 years old! Granted, with how sickly he was, he couldn’t do much of anything but latch onto his brother appearing pitiful and sick.

They were in a different town now. Like before, Shen Jiu had found the warmest alleyway there and fought anyone who dared try to take it from them. They’d been here a few weeks, Shen Yuan growing sicker and sicker.

Shen Jiu held his younger brother close to his chest, soothing the boy the best he could as Shen Yuan dry heaved. If Shen Yuan wasn’t sleeping, then he would be crying. Shen Jiu could tell that every time Shen Yuan coughed, it hurt him. He wanted nothing more than to get rid of this sickness for his baby brother. But that wasn’t an easy task while living on the streets in the winter, with no access to medicine. Shen Jiu lost count of how many times he had told Yue Qi, “I’m scared, Qi-Ge. He barely made it through last winter, he seems worse this time. What if he doesn’t make it through?”

Yue Qi would try to comfort him despite thinking the same thing. At night, they would put Shen Yuan in between them and press against him to give him all of the warmth they could. There were even nights where they wrapped only him in their blanket. 

They had to go out begging, but it was too cold outside of the alleyway for Shen Yuan. Leaving him alone wasn’t an option due to the other kids waiting for a chance to jump in and claim the alleyway for themselves. They also couldn’t set up outside of the alleyway since it was in a secluded place, not many people would pass by. They eventually decided on taking Shen Yuan with them, wrapping him in the blanket and holding him close while hoping he’d be warm enough to not worsen the current fever he had. 

As they left, Shen Jiu couldn’t help but feel as if this would be the last time he would see the alleyway. 

+++

He didn’t know where it all went wrong. 

Was it wrong for him to have helped that boy? He was going to be run over by that carriage. How was he supposed to stand by and watch it happen?

He should’ve let it happen. His priority should’ve been Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan. Shen Jiu used the leaf trick and the boy they saved in turn ratted him out. He should’ve listened to Shen Jiu. This was his fault.

Yue Qi stood in place, tears running down his face as he clutched a bawling Shen Yuan in his arms. Shen Jiu had been sold. He’d been taken. It wasn’t fair. 

He watched the carriage that took his Xiao-Jiu roll away. This was his fault. Their family was broken up because of Yue Qi’s foolishness. His impulsivity. 

There was no one to tell him otherwise. So what else could he believe but that? No one would tell Yue Qi that he was just a child, a child with a good heart. That he was just trying to help someone in need as someone who was also in need. 

No one would tell him that he deserved to have a normal childhood. That he should have never been forced to mature at such a young age, never been forced to fight for his life. He’d have been content if he’d just gotten at least a slightly better life with his Xiao-Jiu and Xiao-Yuan. If they had full stomachs and a home to themselves, he would’ve been content for life. But the Heavens had other plans. 

So here he was. Shen Yuan was scream crying for his older brother while Yue Qi tried so hard to comfort him. But there was no way for him to. He’d failed Shen Yuan. He’d failed Shen Jiu. What good was he? 

+++

Two weeks. It’d been two weeks since Shen Jiu was sold. Shen Yuan was scared and he missed his brother so so much. He missed the lullabies that he would sing to him, he missed the group hugs, he missed being teased by him, he missed his brother. It was cruel. It was cruel of the world to do this to him, to do this to their family. 

Shen Yuan still didn’t remember much of his past life. What he did remember, though, was that he didn’t have such a loving family there. No one took care of him like Shen Jiu and Yue Qi did. He vaguely remembered his parents used to before his mother became pregnant with his younger sister.

He loved his meimei. Very much. In fact, she was the only one who consistently visited up to the point he died. His older brothers were too busy with the company, not caring about the child who took all of their parent's time and money away from them. But his sister, oh his sister. As she grew, she loved Shen Yuan so much. He spoiled her rotten with the pity money his parents would give him. Even though he was in the hospital nearly 24/7, she visited all the time much to their parent's dismay. He wondered how she was doing without him. She was likely devastated, the way Shen Yuan was devastated now as he lost his older brother. Perhaps more, knowing she wouldn’t see him ever again. Then again, Shen Yuan wasn’t sure he’d ever see Shen Jiu again either. But at least there was a possibility. A little bit of hope. 

Shen Yuan had another fever soon after his previous one broke. He never thought he’d see Yue Qi grow violent but over the weeks Shen Jiu was gone, the children with them thought they’d try and get their alleyway. Yue Qi had to fight dirty. He had no other choice when Shen Yuan’s life was likely on the line. Luckily, he had the element of surprise on his side. None of the other children knew that Yue Qi could be just as terrifying as Shen Jiu, if not more. Shen Yuan didn’t like this side of him. Even though Yue Qi would always go back to being kind with Shen Yuan, it still scared him to see him hurt from fighting other kids. He vowed to get stronger so he could protect his Qi-Ge.

They were walking through a crowd. Yue Qi tried insisting on carrying Shen Yuan but Shen Yuan wanted to walk more, restless after being carried for the entire duration of his fever. It was easy to convince Yue Qi, the guilt of Shen Jiu causing him to sway easier lately. He still held onto Yue Qi’s hand as they walked. 

But that wouldn’t be enough during rush hour. He really should have let Yue Qi carry him. Their hands were broken apart easily, causing Shen Yuan to get swept away. He felt panic rise in his heart as he was bumped around. “Qi-Ge!” He tried shouting out. “Qi-Ge!?” Tears welled up in his eyes, breathing suddenly growing difficult to do. 

He thought he heard the sound of Yue Qi’s voice calling for him but if he had really heard it, then it was too far away. Tears threatened to start pouring down his face as he tried to find a way out of the crowd. He was too small, too weak to shove through. It took him too long to finally run into an empty alley, bruises threatening to form everywhere he was run into. He curled up at the entrance of the alleyway, sobs tearing through his body as he tried to cry for his gege. He’d forgotten that his gege was no longer here, that it was only him and his Qi-Ge. He missed his brother. Can’t he come back? Why hasn’t he come back yet? He said he wouldn’t be taken away, so why had that happened? 

Before he could process anything, hands suddenly grabbed at him. Terror froze his veins as he let out a scream. Whoever had grabbed him had lifted the back of his shirt, revealing the area that bore his slave brand. He was roughly turned to face who had ahold of him, greeted with the sight of a woman who had a maniacal expression. “ Perfect! You’re perfect!!” She squealed. “You look just like him!”

Shen Yuan wanted to flee, he wanted to kick and scream, but he was horrified. He couldn’t do anything, he felt like he was paralyzed. He watched as the woman snapped at the two men she was with to go find the people who were selling the children in this area. 

His face paled. He was being bought. Bought. Bought like his brother. He struggled to breathe. He couldn’t leave Yue Qi, no not in his state. Not so soon after they lost Shen Jiu. He finally remembered to struggle. He had to get away from this woman. He had to find Yue Qi so they could book it out of this town. 

He let out an earsplitting screech, writhing in the woman’s grasp. She looked furious but he had to get away. 

“Shut your mouth!” She snapped, trying to cover the child's mouth and get him to stop moving. 

But Shen Yuan wouldn’t let himself go down without a fight. He fished out a few leaves from his pocket, sharpening them like how his gege taught him, and flung them at her face. They couldn’t do much damage at all, but it still caught the woman off guard and caused her grip to loosen. He jerked his entire body and managed to slip out of her hands, falling to the ground. The hope that filled him for a moment was promptly sucked out of him as he was grabbed once again. He hadn’t anticipated the time it would take him to recover from the fall and the time it would take him to get up and run. The woman was ultimately faster and this time held Shen Yuan tightly to her chest, not leaving him any way to move his arms and try that trick again. 

To Shen Yuan’s horror, she even seemed happy. Happier than before. “You’re perfect! So perfect!!” She giggled. “We’ll have to work on your obedience but that will be an easy task.” 

No. No, this couldn’t happen. Shen Yuan tried to struggle but the woman was too strong. He choked out sobs as he resulted to crying for his Qi-Ge again. The woman tried coaxing him but the threatening tone that she couldn’t hide only scared him more and more. He could feel her long sharp nails as she rubbed his back, shuddering when he caught a glimpse of the crimson color they were painted. 

“XIAO-YUAN!?” Yue Qi’s voice was finally nearby. Shen Yuan gasped, immediately screaming for his Qi-Ge as he resumed struggling in the woman’s arms. 

“Fuck!” She growled. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit!”

Shen Yuan froze when he heard her, his blood turning to ice. Less than a second later, he felt something prick his neck and the world started to spin. He tried to cry out for Yue Qi again but everything in him was weakened. It came as nothing more than a whisper-yell. 

The woman shushed him. “It’s alright baby, go to sleep.” She cooed. “My son, my baobei. Xia Lin. ”

Shen Yuan’s consciousness began slipping away from him, the sound of Yue Qi screaming his name being the last thing he would hear. 

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan woke up in a dark room. Wait, a room? What was he doing in a room? He lived on the streets, he’d never woken up in a room before. Certainly not on an oh-so-comforting bed. Not with a blanket that had no holes, not without his gege or Qi-Ge holding him–

Qi-Ge. Oh. 

The memories of what happened before he was put to sleep came flooding back. He didn’t need a mirror to know that his face paled while his stomach sank in despair. Oh, Qi-Ge. Shen Yuan had left him all alone. He must be terrified out of his mind, first losing Shen Jiu and not even a month later losing Shen Yuan as well. 

He was doing an awful job at being a good didi, wasn’t he? Why hadn’t he just let Qi-Ge carry him? He surely would have allowed him to run around once they were out of the crowd so why did he have to be so stubborn? He hoped Qi-Ge wouldn’t blame himself for this. The only one to blame was Shen Yuan himself. He had used the fact that Yue Qi was doing anything to make Shen Yuan happy since Shen Jiu was sold to his advantage. It was cruel of him. He shouldn’t have done it. 

He broke out of his thoughts at the sound of a door creaking, finally remembering the woman who had bought him. He scrambled to his feet, frantically backing up into the closest corner (which happened to be the corner of the crib he was in. He was way too old for a crib! What was this woman thinking!? Yeah, he was small for his age but surely it wasn’t that hard to figure out he was too old for a crib!).

“A-Lin~” He heard the woman coo as the candles in the room lit themselves. Shen Yuan barely got more than a few seconds to take in the room before he was swept into the woman’s arms. “What’s the matter? Don’t you love your room?” 

Shen Yuan struggled against her embrace. “Let go!” 

There was a grumble from the woman before she put her sweet voice back on. “Oh don’t be like that, silly.” She held Shen Yuan out in front of her, his legs kicking in the air as he tried to get her to drop him. “Tell Mommy what’s wrong.”

“You’re not my mom!” Shen Yuan looked at her like she was insane. “Let me go! I want Qi-Ge! I want my Gege!” He cried, tears filling his eyes as sobs began to shake his body. His heart was racing as he struggled. This woman was crazy! He wasn’t her son! She had to be delusional to think he was her son!

The woman was silent for a moment before placing Shen Yuan down on the ground. He immediately crumpled to the ground in a fit of cries, his small body not able to take the strength of the sobs. She tried to pull him to his feet but he’d just fall again. “Shut up.” She tried to tell him but he didn’t listen. Why should he listen? This crazy woman took him from his family! “Be quiet!” She hissed at him. He didn’t listen again. 

He wanted to get away from her. He wanted out. Even if it meant being on the streets, it would mean being with Qi-Ge. If he could find the boy again. 

The more he thought about it, the more he grew distressed. He began losing sense of what was happening until a sudden crack snapped him back to reality. His cheek seared with pain as he realized he was now much further from where he had been from before. His sobs had quickly quieted down into sniveling as he tried to process what had just happened. The woman was standing over him, a furious expression on her face. He held the side of his face as he looked up at her, trembling as his mouth opened and closed as he couldn’t form a proper sentence. 

The woman sighed as she knelt in front of him. “You should have listened.” One of her hands tucked some of Shen Yuan’s hair behind his ear before trailing down the side of his face. He was too shocked to protest as she grabbed him by his jaw, lifting him to his feet. “Oh, baobei.” She stroked his cheek with her thumb as she held him up. “Mommy doesn’t like hurting you, you know.” She told him in a sickenly sweet voice. “But when you act so naughty, I have no choice.”

“You… You aren’t my mom–” 

Another sharp slap sounded through the air, Shen Yuan cried out as he tumbled to the floor again. He didn’t have even a moment to recover until the action was repeated once, then twice, then a third time. By the time she stopped, his body was shaking uncontrollably with tears soaking his face. She was staring down at him with an apathetic expression. She seemed to not care that this child sobbing on the floor had a face that was now swelling up from the blows she delivered. Who could do such a cruel thing? What had Shen Yuan done that deserved such a cruel punishment? He missed his brothers. Qi-Ge would come to find him, right? He would save Shen Yuan from this cruel woman. But how could he do that if he didn’t know where Shen Yuan was? There was no way for him to be saved. He was on his own.

There was a knock on the door. The woman turned away from Shen Yuan, calling for the person to come in. The door opened to reveal a maid with a plain-looking appearance. She had wavy brown hair pulled back into a low ponytail, light brown eyes, and freckles dusting her face.  “Madam Xia,” She bowed. “The two cultivators you hired sent you a message about the item you are looking for.” 

The woman, Madam Xia, crossed her arms. “Well? What is it then?”

“They are requesting extra compensation. They discovered that the item is within the territory of the Huan Hua Sect.”

Madam Xia’s expression turned complicated. She chewed on the tip of one of her long sharp nails, eyebrows furrowed as she thought. “Well, that certainly makes it complicated.” She sighed. “Give them whatever they request. I need that item no matter what and if that means paying them more, then they will be paid more.”

“Mn. I will let them know immediately.” The maid bowed again before turning to leave. 

“Wait.” Madam Xia snapped. “Instead, clean the boy up. Explain the rules to him.” She ordered. “I’ll send the message.” With a flick of her sleeves, she walked past the maid.

The maid bowed as Madam Xia left the room before going to Shen Yuan, who was still on the floor, shaking. She walked over to him, reaching out to grab him but he quickly pushed himself up against a wall to get away. “Don’t be foolish, you are bleeding.” The maid said in a stern tone before adding, “I will not hurt you.”

Shen Yuan shook his head before his eyes slightly widened. What if this woman also hurt him for disobeying? But she knelt on the floor. Seemingly patiently waiting for him to calm down. Maybe she wouldn’t hurt him? Was it worth risking? His face did hurt. He hadn’t realized it before but Madam Xia’s nails had left behind cuts when she’d slapped him. He swallowed back the urge to break out into tears again and tried to stand but his legs gave out from under him. Before he could hit the ground, though, the maid swiftly caught him. She swooped him up into her arms, ignoring the yelp from Shen Yuan, and began walking towards a different room. Shen Yuan clutched onto her robes tightly, eyes darting around frantically as he tried to calm himself. 

They arrived in a room that held a tub in the middle that already held water. The maid stuck her hand in the water, a satisfied hum escaping her lips. She set Shen Yuan on the ground, swiftly taking the beat-up clothes he was wearing off of him before lifting him again. He was placed in the tub, eyes lighting up with excitement when he realized the water was warm. A warm bath was something he could only dream of. After what Madam Xia had done, he’d never expected he’d be treated to such a novelty. 

The maid brought a few bottles to a table beside the tub and rolled up her sleeves. “Come here.” She told Shen Yuan as she sat on a stool, tying her hair up into a high bun. He hesitated, looking up at her while fiddling with his hands. Noticing his hesitation, she held her arms out. “I will not hurt you.” She repeated. 

Shen Yuan gazed at her, studying her expression before eventually wading over to her. She quickly got to work, carefully turning him so he had his back to her, grabbing a bowl, and scooping up water to pour over his head. Before Shen Yuan knew it, he had been scrubbed clean. She combed through his hair with oils applied to get rid of all knots. His hair was longer than he thought! And now it was silky smooth. 

He was lifted out of the bath and swiftly wrapped in a towel. He was left sitting on a stool as the maid left the room briefly, returning with clothes and ointment in hand. She set the clothes aside as she knelt to his level. “This will sting.” She told him as she got the ointment on one of her fingers. Shen Yuan bit down on his lip as she applied it, face scrunching up as the cuts on his face stung. She gently rubbed it in before putting the ointment to the side. She grabbed the clothes she had brought and unwrapped the towel around Shen Yuan. He wasn’t cold for long, she was quick with getting the clothes on him. 

He was picked up once again, comfortably resting against her chest as he was brought back to the bedroom he’d woken up in. He was sat on another stool as the maid got another towel. She used it to dry his hair as much as she could before pulling his hair into a braid. He watched as she switched out the bedding, shortly getting lost in his mind.

The clothes he was in were comfortable. Soft, warm. He wishes he could give them to his gege or Qi-Ge. He wondered if wherever his gege was, did he also have these kind of clothes? He’d have to come up with a way to escape. Escape and bring one of the nice blankets with him. Then he’d have to find Qi-Ge so they could share the blanket and keep them both warm. He wished he could also share a warm bath with him, he knows Qi-Ge would enjoy one. He couldn’t sneak a warm bath out, though…

He was brought back to reality when the maid kneeled in front of him again. “What is your name, little one?” She asked him.

He chewed the inside of his cheek before responding, “Shen Yuan.”

She hummed in response. “That is a lovely name.” She told him, almost wistfully. “Little one, while you are here you must respond to the name Xia Lin.”

Shen Yuan had a small frown on his face. “Why?”

The maid glanced away for a few moments, lips parted as she thought of a response. “To protect yourself,” She began. “Madam Xia will be very upset if you don’t. I do not wish to see you get hurt any longer so I must selfishly ask that you obey the rules that I am about to tell you.”

Shen Yuan looked at the floor before looking back up at her. “But I don’t wanna. I wanna go back to Qi-Ge.” Tears began to form in his eyes. To hell with Madam Xia and her rules! Why should he obey her when he’d hurt her? But this maid was so kind… he didn’t want to upset her. She was very kind to him. She could very well end up being his only friend in this place. 

She sighed, patting his head. “I know. But if you ever want to see your family again, you must follow these rules.” She told him, looking at him and waiting for a confirmation that he was listening. After receiving a nod from Shen Yuan, she continued. “Firstly, you must not act out. No being disobedient or throwing fits like earlier. If she punishes you, trying to get out of it will only make it worse. Secondly, she is going to require you to call her ‘Mommy’ or ‘Mama’. You must call her one of those or she will react very, very badly.” Her expression was grim. “Lastly, you must never try to escape. Not on your own. If she catches you, the punishment is very severe.” 

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened slightly when he heard the tremble in her voice as she said that. “Okay, Jiejie.” He whispered.

Her expression softened when she heard the nickname, a small smile coming onto her face. “Please behave, little one.” She told him. “I cannot protect you like I wish I could. You need to protect yourself when I am not around and you can do that by behaving.”

Shen Yuan hesitantly nodded. He had a feeling that if he misbehaved, she would get in trouble trying to help him. So he had to behave, to protect his new Jiejie. So he gave her a more determined nod. 

Her smile turned sorrowful. “Good, little one.”

+++

Shen Yuan learned that the actual Xia Lin was Madam Xia’s son, who eloped with a girl he loved. Madam Xia had been enraged that her son would abandon her for another woman, going crazy ever since. Shen Yuan was not the first one she’d bought to try and replace him. Jiejie wouldn’t tell him what happened to the previous children. He wasn’t dumb, though. He could guess what had happened to them. It scared him. He didn’t want to end up like them, not when he had people waiting for him. Were they still waiting? They were still alive, right? He’d find out. Eventually.

Shen Yuan did try to behave most of the time. He followed the rules but he’d always have slip-ups. There were a few instances where he’d lost his temper or due to fear screamed at Madam Xia, ending with Shen Yuan being beaten and yelled at. It would always leave him curled up in the maid’s arms as he cried with her treating his wounds. 

A few months into the time he was there, Madam Xia began teaching him how to read along with calligraphy. He did well in the reading portion, likely carrying over skills from his past life. Though, he barely remembered it other than in bits and pieces. Calligraphy, however, he was quite terrible at. The way he was supposed to hold the brush felt all wrong and he was never able to figure out the proper amount of pressure he should apply. At first, his punishment would be a light scolding. But as Madam Xia grew more and more impatient it escalated into him being paddled if he did not show improvement. 

The only plus side of the punishments was that his Jiejie would give him soothing baths afterward. He’d been tempted once to receive the punishments just to get the baths, but seeing the pained and worried look on Jiejie’s face wasn’t worth it.

About 6 months into his stay there, Madam Xia had come home very excited. It was clear with the way she had picked Shen Yuan up and spun him around with a grin on her face. She kept rambling on quietly about something that Shen Yuan was never able to hear. A few days later, she brought Shen Yuan out into the backyard. He was never allowed here, told that it withheld very important herbs and was not a play place for children. It had always upset Shen Yuan. He missed the outdoors, it sucked being stuck inside a house all day. 

She had led him to a back area, revealing a spot that looked like it had been dug and then filled back in. “Baobei,” She had begun. “I have a very important task for you.” She’d explained that there was a very important plant residing beneath the soil and that Shen Yuan had a task to help it grow. “It requires a very important ingredient, your Qi.” 

Shen Yuan was confused about how a plant would need qi, but he didn’t dare question her out of fear that it would ruin her good mood. So instead, he’d asked what kind of plant it was. 

“It’s a very special type of mushroom. It will be very beneficial to my A-Lin in the future.” She’d told him in that sickenly sweet tone.

Later that night, when his Jiejie was brushing his hair, he’d told her about his new task of providing his qi to this mysterious mushroom. He failed to see her frightened expression as he rambled on about how mushrooms were gross and how he didn’t know how this thing would benefit him in the future. However, he did not miss the grim air she bore when tucking him in that night. When he’d tried asking her if something was wrong, it seemed to make her more upset. So after he was told that it was nothing, he decided to stay quiet. He didn’t want to upset her even more, had it been something he’d done to make her this way.

A year into his stay, he’d made a very terrible mistake. He’d wanted to go outside. It was so stuffy inside of the house and he’d spent a year in that place, his only ventures to the outdoors being the back garden where the mushroom resided! He’d only wanted to get a breath of fresh air, maybe wander around for a little before returning to the house. So he’d snuck out after Madam Xia had left to get something from the nearby town. 

He shouldn’t have done it. Had he known what would happen then he would have never snuck out. 

Madam Xia had forgotten something and came back to the house to retrieve it. She’d immediately seen that Shen Yuan had escaped the house and was sneaking around. The instant she saw him, she assumed that he was trying to escape. Shen Yuan had been unaware that the woman had come back and while he had his back to her, his hair was violently pulled and he was lifted off the ground. He wailed as his legs kicked frantically, his head hot with fear, panic, and pain. 

“You dare try to escape!?” She’d screeched as she dragged him on the ground back toward the house. He’d tried to tell her that he wasn’t trying to escape, that all he wanted was to get some fresh air but she didn’t listen. The door was slammed open and his Jiejie came into view with a pale and panicked expression. 

“Madam Xia–” She had tried to stop the woman from dragging Shen Yuan more but it was a futile effort. Madam Xia slapped her harshly enough that she was sent tumbling into the nearest wall. 

Shen Yuan’s face was thoroughly soaked with tears as he wailed, “Jiejie! Jiejie!” He tried to run to her but he was suspended mid-air by his hair. 

Madam Xia dragged him into another room, a terrifying room. It was dark– there was nothing in there. Nothing except a rope and whip. “I give you shelter, I give you food and warm water to bathe in,” Madam Xia seethed. “Clean clothes, a warm and comfortable bed, and all you had to do was be a good son!” She threw Shen Yuan to the floor, a loud thud being produced as he hit the floor. “But instead, you repay me by trying to escape!” 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry Mama, please don’t hurt me!” Shen Yuan had cried to no prevail. 

Madam Xia roared with laughter at the sight. “You should have thought about that before trying to escape!” With that, she’d promptly tied his hands in front of him and forced him into a kneeling position. 

He had tried to squirm but once screamed at to stay still, he was frozen in fear. His heart was racing fast, tears pouring down his face as sobs shook his small body. Why was he always making mistakes like these? Jiejie had gotten hurt because of him. He should take this punishment, and atone for the pain he caused his Jiejie. But he was barely even 5 years old, why did he need to atone for anything? Wasn’t he just a child still? Why was this woman so viciously punishing him? 

He was broken out of his thoughts when there was a sharp crack! followed by the searing pain of his skin being ripped open on his back. His arms and legs crumpled underneath him, causing him to collide with the floor. A wail escaped him shortly after, barely given a moment to recover before he was lashed by the whip again.

He could hear the sound of Madam Xia speaking but it was incomprehensible through the volume of his crying. Internally, Shen Yuan was screaming at his body to move. If only he could just move, he’d be able to run out of the house through the door Madam Xia had forgotten to close. Maybe he could take his Jiejie with him. But his body refused to listen to him, practically limp from the pain in his back. 

Shen Yuan was struck twice more before he heard Jiejie’s voice. She was yelling, her tone frantic and full of worry. Then it was full of fury. He barely had the strength to turn his head to see Jiejie trying to fight Madam Xia off. He wanted to help her but he couldn’t. He was stuck being useless on the floor as his back flowed with blood that likely would never stop. As his crying grew weaker, his vision cleared momentarily. 

He hated that it did.

His Jiejie hit the ground beside Shen Yuan. She had puncture wounds on her throat that were gushing blood. He watched in horror as her eyes glazed over, the life leaving her body.

“Jiejie?”

No response.
“Jiejie… Jiejie wake up…” 

Nothing.

“Jiejie…” His cries had fallen silent up until now. He choked back a sob only for it to tear through him moments later. “Jiejie! Jiejie, wake up!” He cried, trying to get up. But his limbs wouldn’t obey his command. 

Without warning, Shen Yuan was grabbed by the rope that restricted his wrists and was held mid-air, forced to look at Madam Xia. He could see her lips moving but he couldn’t hear anything. The edges of his vision were beginning to darken as his breathing grew shallow, the world spinning around them. He was thrown to the floor again, his head colliding harshly with the wood. A pain that should’ve been sharp was only dull as his senses began to wane away. Was he dying? It felt like it. He was cold. Where was his gege and Qi-Ge? They’d wrap themselves around him to warm him up. He missed their cuddles. He wished he could see them again, even if only for a brief time. Why did this have to happen to him? Were the heavens truly this cruel? What had he done to deserve this? He should have behaved. None of this would have happened had he just behaved and let Qi-Ge carry him through the crowd. Jiejie would still be alive and he wouldn’t be here bleeding out, dying with only regrets on his mind. 

He should be panicking, trying to catch his breath and encourage his heart to continue beating. Any 5-year-old would be terrified out of their mind right now, crying out for help and begging to live. But he was in too much pain. Besides, he wasn’t truly 5, was he? Maybe he deserved this, for selfishly accepting this body and pretending to be someone he wasn’t. He just wanted the pain to go away. It would be over soon. He’d died once, though not as violently as this second time. But he could bear it. He’d done it before, right? It would be funny if he transmigrated again.

He laid there, limp as his breathing slowed. His body was cold even with the warm blood pooling around him. His final breath escaped him, the life leaving his body just as it had with his Jiejie. Maybe now, he’d finally have some peace. 

+++

Shen Yuan wasn’t supposed to be alive, but his body jerked and broke through soft soil. Harsh sunlight hit his eyes, causing him to squint as he no longer had something covering his eyes. He blinked once, then twice. He slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position, surveying the area around him. What was going on? He couldn’t tell where he was. Everything around him was rotting or falling apart. He glanced down at his body, he was still 5 years old.

What the fuck.

Just what the hell was going on!?

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan had explored the area he’d woken up in, figuring out that he was still at Madam Xia’s home. But it didn’t make sense that the place was so run down. He had woken up in the back garden which was full of rotting plants, but Madam Xia would take care of those plants every day. Nothing was making sense. 

He knows that he died. The details are vague to him but he remembers his Jiejie dying as well. Just the very thought of her made his heart squeeze tightly with grief. 

He couldn’t make sense of how he was still alive. He made his way through the house, pausing in front of the doorway that would lead him into the room where everything occurred. Shen Yuan had the urge to go in and look, but he didn’t want to stir up those memories so soon. So he turned away, settling on going to his bedroom instead.

The house was abandoned. It must have been left in a rush because most everything was still in place, covered with a thick layer of dust. At least Shen Yuan wouldn’t have to worry about running into that vile woman.

His first order in business was finding a bag. He couldn’t stay in his place, not with the risk of Madam Xia returning one day. So he needed as many supplies as he could and get the hell away from this place. He’d eventually found a crossbody bag that surprisingly didn’t seem to have an end? He had stuck his arm inside and when it should have hit the bottom, it kept going! His brother had told him of Qiankun pouches, could this be the same? Either way, it was useful!

He gathered essentials. A blanket, clothes, a flask he could fill with water, and some money someone must have left behind. It was a measly amount but it would do for now. He even managed to find the jade comb and light green ribbon that his Jiejie had used on his hair. He would have to keep those extra safe.

He wandered for a few moments after gathering what he needed, finally realizing that he could leave this place and find Qi-Ge and maybe even his Gege. He didn’t know where his gege had been sold to, but hopefully it wasn’t far. 

He stood at the front door of the home, hesitating to leave. He knew he should leave. But he felt fear prickle inside of him. What if Madam Xia found him again? She'd surely punish him. Could he take it? The whip had hurt so much, he didn’t want to go through that again. So, he forced his legs to move and walk out of the house. He preferred the streets over that woman. 

+++

By the time he reached the nearest town, his legs were aching and his eyes were starting to droop closed. Luckily, the town had a river that he could get water from. Fall was beginning to turn into winter so the river was much colder than usual. He thinks. Rivers are usually warmer, right? Then again, he’s never been in a river in either of his lives. 

Anyway, he filled the flask he had found with water and started to look for a place to sleep. There didn’t seem to be any other children in these parts, which was good. It meant he didn’t have to worry about being attacked in his sleep.

…As long as there were no stray dogs. But he didn’t have any food so that shouldn’t be a problem either way.

Eventually, Shen Yuan settled in between two homes near the river. It wasn’t the coziest, but it would have to do. Sleeping on the hard ground would take some getting used to again. After all, it had been a little over a year since he had done it. 

The area between the homes was grassy, so it provided some cushioning. Not much, but some. He tied his bag tightly to him, making sure it wouldn’t be possible for someone to go through his bag without him noticing before he laid down. He pulled the small blanket he had brought with him over him as he curled in on himself for extra warmth. 

It didn’t take him long to fall asleep due to his exhaustion from the long trek. Though, his sleep would be plagued with nightmares. Memories of the event replayed through his head, preventing him from getting restful sleep. 

+++

Days turned into weeks as Shen Yuan journeyed around the town. He did go from town to town, sometimes even venturing to cities. But he preferred this small town, thus finding himself always returning to it. The town was connected to a large city but the place he chose to stay was always far enough that other kids or animals didn’t venture down due to the city containing more food and warm alleyways.

He did have a recurring problem, though. It seemed that the children (the ones who had homes and families) had started taking notice of him and began trying to follow him whenever he tried to return to where he slept.

It had been months by now so his clothes had grown dirty and obtained rips that he couldn’t repair. Even though he tried to bathe himself regularly in the river, it just wasn’t enough to get all of the grime off of his body. That meant the kids could easily tell that he didn’t have a home. Thus, he was their perfect target. 

Even though he could easily fight back, he didn’t want to risk hurting the kids and their parents trying to track him down. He did really like this town! Most of the people there were very kind and would give him their leftover food that didn’t sell at night. There were also no dogs to fight with for the food and no other kids he’d have to fight for his sleeping spot. But the ones with homes seemed intent on tormenting him.

He found himself beginning to not want to go back to the town every time he ventured away. The kids were beginning to drag older teens into it and the treatment was growing worse. They had even found where he had been sleeping so there was no point in returning at this rate. 

He gathered the last leftovers he’d receive from the vendors and stored them in his bag. He had to save up all the food that he could since he didn’t know when or if he’d get food again. He would have needed to leave one day anyway.

And so Shen Yuan set out, walking alongside the river that would lead him out of the town. He passed by a home that had a woman with her child in their backyard, clothes hung up as they dried. The child had to be around the same as him. It was a little boy with curly hair. His laughter rang out through the air as the woman tickled him. Shen Yuan’s heart ached, wondering if he’d one day be able to laugh like that with his Gege. He wondered how he was doing. Was he safe? Maybe he got lucky and the people who’d bought him were kind to him. He knew it wasn’t likely, but he only wanted the best for his Gege. So how could he think of anything but him being happy, wherever he was? 

He forced himself to shake the thoughts away, focusing on getting to the next town. There was no way to find him and Qi-Ge if he didn’t go search for them.

He hoped he would find them soon. 

+++

Shen Yuan was now 6, he thinks. It was hard to keep track. He should have asked his gege when his birthday was. Though, he didn’t know if the boy knew when his own birthday was. Not that it mattered. He still hadn’t found even a single clue as to where Qi-Ge and his gege might be. He had even gone all the way to the town he’d been bought in! Winter was approaching again, making Shen Yuan terribly nervous. Last winter had been his first time truly alone, a horrible experience. His fevers were intense, unbearable without someone to hold and coax him through it. He wasn’t sure how he had survived without any help, barely being able to pull through. 

He made sure he was always stocked up on food, eating as little as possible so he would have leftovers for the times he did get sick and couldn’t move. It did help build up his tolerance to hunger. If he became a cultivator, he’d be ahead of the rest on Inedia! Which, was sad when he really thought of it…

Nevermind that. Shen Yuan had managed to keep himself away from the town, as sad as it made him. But with winter approaching, he thought it couldn’t hurt to go back for a little while so he had access to food. So, he made his venture back to the town. In the past year, he had shockingly traveled a lot. His legs were very weak and not very long but he had managed to travel to many different cities and towns in his search, giving him plenty of knowledge on where certain places were. He was almost tempted to become a guide, maybe people wouldn’t mind his age and status?

After about a week, he finally arrived at the town. Soothed by the familiar sight, he began walking along the river. He stopped once to fill up his water flask before resuming to the part of the town that held the vendors. The moon was beginning to rise so it was perfect timing to get any leftovers from those who sold food. There was one person he’d always go to– an old man who sold steamed buns. They weren’t premium quality but they were always filling. The man had somehow always seemed to have leftovers for him when he’d repeatedly come around the previous year. 

He walked the familiar path to the stalls. Another thing he loved about this town was that it was never crowded. He hated crowds. They were suffocating and filled him with dread. He felt small and defenseless whenever he was surrounded by too many people. 

After all, the whole reason he’d been taken from Qi-Ge was because of crowded streets– the reason Madam Xia had gotten her hands on him. 

He didn’t think about it for long. The sound of kids laughing maliciously followed by the sound of another crying snapped him out of his thoughts. He paused, looking around for the source, eventually tracking down the source of the sound. When he saw a group of older kids (the total being about 4 boys) surrounding a child– a boy with dark curly hair his age in an alley, he decided the food would have to wait until tomorrow. He approached the alley quietly, crouching by the entrance as he listened in. 

The kids were mostly spouting weak insults over how the boy was a crybaby and how he was weak. But one that he took notice of was that when the boy begged them to stop, they would say something along the lines of, “What, are you going to go cry to mommy? Oh, wait!” and then the group would burst into laughter. 

He didn’t need much more context to know he hated these kids. Actually, when he got a better look at their faces, he realized they were the same ones who’d attempted to torment him as well. That was enough for him to tie his sleeves back and set his bag down in a hidden place after gathering leaves to put in his pockets. He’d also learnt his lesson plenty of times to tie his hair into a tight bun.

He crept up to the alleyway again. Was he nervous? Of course he was! These were fucking pre-teens who were a head taller than him and much healthier! But they didn’t have street smarts. They wouldn’t be prepared for the dirty tricks that Shen Yuan would pull. So when one of them raised their fist to hit the boy again, Shen Yuan pounced. 

To onlookers, it may look as if Shen Yuan were a feral cat with the way he sporadically moved. He latched onto the kid's hair, yanking it back resulting in them both tumbling to the ground. The one he had attacked let out a shrill cry at the sudden attack, furiously trying to pry Shen Yuan off. Shen Yuan was scratching at him with sharpened nails and even occasionally biting. He didn’t let go until he noticed one of the other boys trying to go near the curly-haired boy. He let go, closing the distance with an unbelievable amount of speed as he latched onto his second victim's calf with his teeth. Victim number one had already booked it out of the alleyway as the rest tried to help victim number two get Shen Yuan off of him. Shen Yuan could taste blood in his mouth as he was eventually ripped off of victim number two and thrown aside at a wall. 

He felt the wind get knocked out of him when he hit the wall. He couldn’t tell how long it took for his senses to return to him. He finally saw what would have been victim number three lifting a crying victim number two onto his back. Shen Yuan thought for a second that these boys finally had some sense knocked into them but clearly not when victim number four decided to take a step towards the curly-haired boy.

A snarl ripped from Shen Yuan’s throat and before he could even think– he was onto victim number four. He had lunged at the boy, teeth sinking into victim number four's side while his sharp nails dug into the victim's stomach and back. Victim number four let out a terrified shriek, one that was surprisingly high-pitched. If Shen Yuan weren’t the one fighting, he might’ve laughed at how girlish the boy's scream was. 

But victim number four was stronger than he seemed. He managed to pry Shen Yuan off and pin him to the wall by his neck. Their eyes locked onto each other as Shen Yuan struggled and kicked to get out of the hold. The boy’s eyes widened in recognition. “It’s you!” The boy gasped. “The feral stray we chased off! What are you doing back here!?” 

Shen Yuan wasn’t about to answer his questions. Instead, he conjured the most spit in his mouth he could before he spat it right at victim number four. Just as he’d hoped, the boy exclaimed in disgust as he dropped Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan wasted no time delivering a swift kick to where the sun didn’t shine. 

Victim number four crumpled to the ground, tears immediately soaking his face as he cried for his mother. Shen Yuan gave himself a few seconds to gloat before turning to the curly-haired boy. 

For a moment, he thought the boy was scared with the way he was shaking. But he realized– it was admiration? The boy looked at him with wide shiny eyes, mouth slightly dropped. When Shen Yuan looked at him, he felt a sense of familiarity. Not in the sense that he had seen the boy before, he knew he had, but in the way that he knew him. It was impossible but the feeling was impossible to shake. 

He snapped himself back to reality, holding his hand out to the boy after a moment. The boy seemed to hesitate, shrinking back. “Don’t be foolish,” Shen Yuan huffed. “I won’t hurt you.” He quickly added, realizing his words may have been too harsh. After some time, the boy grabbed Shen Yuan’s hand and Shen Yuan lifted him to his feet. Shen Yuan dusted the boy off before grabbing onto his hand again. “We need to get out of here quickly before they get adults.” Shen Yuan told him, beginning to urgently pull him along as he walked out of the alley. The boy didn’t protest, his gaze still fixed on Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan grabbed and tightly tied his bag around himself before leading the boy away from the alleyway. With Shen Yuan holding onto the boy's hand tightly, he guided them speedily through the town, eventually reaching Shen Yuan’s original destination. Much to his relief, the old man with the steamed buns was still packing up shop. “Gramps!” Shen Yuan called out. 

The old man’s attention snapped to the two boys, his eyes widening. “Oh my!” He stopped packing the buns and the two boys walked up to the stand. “What happened to you, little one? It’s been quite a while since this old man has seen you.” 

Shen Yuan shrugged. “It’s nothing. Do you have any leftover buns?” He asked, holding out his free hand.

The old man sighed. “Why don’t you two come get patched up? I’ll pack you some leftover buns while we’re there.”

“I… don’t think it’s a good idea for us to stay here any longer.” Shen Yuan hesitantly said, looking away guiltily. 

The old man paused, an understanding coming across his expression. “I assume it has something to do with the injuries on you two?” When he received a nod from Shen Yuan, he sighed again. He turned away, wrapping four buns in a cloth before handing them to Shen Yuan. “Haven’t seen you in a year and you’re already leaving, aren’t you little one?”

Shen Yuan let go of the boy's hand and took the buns, putting them in his bag. “Thank you. I’m sorry.” He gave the old man a respectful bow.

Before they parted, the old man gave Shen Yuan two small containers containing a cream that would help their injuries. Shen Yuan had thanked the man profusely, grateful for the chance to have something so valuable.

Now, he and the boy were at the edge of the town walking along the river. Shen Yuan had an embarrassing moment where he realized– he hadn’t asked the boy if he had wanted to leave. Nor did he ask for his name…

His cheeks were warm as he paused in his step, turning to the boy whose expression was confused. “Uhm– I’m sorry. I didn’t ask if you had wanted to stay or not..” He awkwardly fiddled with his thumbs as he spoke. 

The boy looked at him with slightly widened eyes before looking away. “It’s okay. There isn’t anything left here for me anyway.” He said in a quiet voice. 

Shen Yuan felt himself soften a little. “I remember you– I would sometimes see you with the washerwoman. I’m guessing she was your mother?” When he received a nod confirming, he continued. “Judging by what you said, I assume she passed?”

The boy’s eyes grew teary as he nodded. “She was very sick. She only passed a few months ago and they wouldn’t let me stay in our home.” He sniffled. “That’s when the older kids began picking on me…”

When tears began pouring down the boy's face, Shen Yuan began to panic. “O-Oh wait, don’t cry–” But the boy broke out into sobs and hiccups. 

“I– I don’t know– know what I did–!” The boy tried to form words through his cries. “Did– did I do some– something to deserve it? Why– why were they so– so mean!?” 

“You didn’t do anything, they’re just a bunch of bullies!” Shen Yuan said firmly. “They don’t know what it’s like to be in our position. They don’t deem it as normal so they make fun of it, that’s all. It’s nothing that we did.”

The boy hiccuped a few more times before throwing himself forward, hugging Shen Yuan tightly. “Please– Please let me stay with you! I– I won’t be– be a burden! Please don’t leave!” 

Shen Yuan sighed, wrapping his arms around the boy. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to travel with me anyway.” He told the boy, patting his back gently. 

It took a while for the boy’s tears to finally come to a halt. Shen Yuan pulled away just enough so they could see each other’s faces. He cupped the boy’s face and used his thumbs to brush away any stray tears as he gave him a warm smile. “Everything’s going to be okay, okay? You’ve got me now.” 

The boy looked at him with wide eyes, which Shen Yuan was beginning to think looked like puppy dog eyes. “I’ll go wherever you go, forever.”

Shen Yuan laughed. “You don’t even know my name yet, silly!” When the boy’s face went red with embarrassment, Shen Yuan laughed even more. “My name is Shen Yuan. What’s yours?” 

The boy collected himself, sniffling once more before answering, “Luo Binghe.”

Chapter Text

“I give you shelter, I give you food and warm water to bathe in,” 

“Clean clothes, a warm and comfortable bed, and all you had to do was be a good son!”

“But instead, you repay me by trying to escape!” 

Crack! 

“Jiejie?”
“Jiejie… Jiejie wake up…” 

“Jiejie…”

He laid there, limp as his breathing slowed. His body was cold even with the warm blood pooling around him. 

+++

Shen Yuan gasped awake, abruptly sitting up. His vision was blurred as he struggled to breathe, choking back sobs. He shoved the blanket off him, his entire body searing hot as the cold air hit his skin. He held his head in his hands with his eyes shut tight, barely aware that someone was speaking to him. He was dead– no he was alive. Alive? How? Where was he? He was just lying in a pool of his own blood– no that happened long ago. Didn’t it? Did it happen at all? He didn’t have any scars on his body he couldn’t prove it– was it all fake? No one would believe him if he told them what he’d gone through he had no proof. If it had happened he’d have scars but he didn’t have them, why didn’t he have them? He didn’t have anything he had no one–

“-uan!” A voice broke through his haze. “A-Yuan!” A young boy’s voice. “A-Yuan, what’s wrong? What happened?” 

“Binghe?” Shen Yuan spoke in a shaky voice, finally getting a grasp on his breathing. As it slowed, his vision cleared. He saw the curly-haired boy with an expression that bore both panic and worry.

Binghe let out a relieved breath. “It’s me, I’m here.” He said in a gentle voice, pulling Shen Yuan into a hug. His skin was hot against Shen Yuan’s in an almost uncomfortable way, but the comfort of the hug overpowered the feeling. 

“‘m sorry.” Shen Yuan said with a sniffle.

“What? What for?” Binghe had a bewildered expression. 

“I woke you up…”

Binghe’s expression softened. He simply hugged Shen Yuan tighter, combing through his hair with his hand. “A-Yuan, you should be more worried about the fact that you’re running a fever right now.”

Shen Yuan shrugged.  “‘s fine, it’ll pass.” He mumbled. “Always does.”

Binghe frowned at that. He sighed, shaking his head before gently pinching Shen Yuan. “You never know when it won’t.” There was a tinge of sadness in his voice. 

Shen Yuan fell silent, remembering how Binghe’s mother had died. He felt a twinge of guilt as he hugged Binghe back, sniffling again while hiding his face. “Let’s just rest for today.” He mumbled. “No traveling.” They were in a good place anyway. They had found what seemed to be abandoned stalls that would usually hold horses or other animals in them. They’d cleaned out the old hay and huddled up in a corner together. It provided plenty of shelter for the two boys, protecting them from the harsh winter winds on top of being safe. 

Binghe nodded. “I wouldn’t have let you travel anyway.” He said with a mischievous smile.

Shen Yuan giggled softly, adjusting his position so he was more comfortable before closing his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He let out a yawn, slowly beginning to drift off into sleep.

“Sleep well, A-Yuan.” 

+++

Shen Yuan woke again,  feeling worse than he had before. His skin felt as if it were hotter than fire and his nose was clogged, preventing him from being able to breathe through it. He promptly shoved the blanket that was on him off to the side as he squirmed uncomfortably. 

Binghe, who had been resting next to him, woke up as well when Shen Yuan began moving. “A-Yuan?” He sat up, looking at Shen Yuan with a concerned expression. When Shen Yuan did nothing but softly whimper, Binghe put a hand to his forehead. “A-Yuan, you’re burning up more than you were earlier…”

Shen Yuan groaned, trying to move his face away from Binghe’s hand but he couldn’t get far. His limbs were barely responding to him due to the fever causing extreme fatigue. The most he could do was simply turn his head away and even that caused the world to spin. “Binghe…” 

“I’m here, I’m here.” Binghe’s voice sounded distant as Shen Yuan’s vision darkened again. He tried to struggle against the sleep, but it enveloped him anyway.

+++

Shen Yuan opened his eyes, sunlight immediately invading his vision. He groaned, shielding his eyes with his hand as he pushed himself into a sitting position. 

The first thing that he noticed was that he no longer had a fever. In fact, it was as if he had never had it in the first place. Though his vision was still hazy, the usual side effects he’d have after a fever weren’t present. 

The second thing he noticed was that he was no longer in the abandoned animal stall and Binghe was nowhere in sight. Instead, he was on the side of a walking path in the middle of a bamboo forest.

He nervously stood up, surveying his surroundings. The place contained no familiarity, worrying Shen Yuan even more. Where had Binghe gone? He missed him. This would be easier if he were here and holding Shen Yuan’s hand. 

Shen Yuan glanced down both ways he could go before eventually picking a random direction. He walked along the path for what felt like ages with his small legs before finally, something came into view.

The path led up to a large clearing, containing a bamboo house with a pond and bench next to it. It was honestly a beautiful sight with how the sunlight shone down on it, Shen Yuan felt at peace as he walked towards the home. Maybe someone would be inside and could help him figure out where he was.

He approached the door to the house, raising his fist to knock on the door but found himself hesitating. What if whoever lived here got mad when they saw him? The house was really nice. If it was someone who had plenty of money and saw Shen Yuan who was a street stray, wouldn’t they get upset? They would assume he was begging when all he really wanted to know was where he was. 

He stood there for a few moments longer before sighing. He would have to take the risk. After a long moment of consideration, he finally knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer. He raised his hand to knock again but before he could, the door creaked open. Unease set over him quickly. If he had learnt anything from horror movies in his past life, it was that this was a very bad idea to walk into the house. Then again, he barely remembered those movies and he needed answers. 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek before finally pushing the door fully open. The inside looked just as nice as it did on the outside. It was clean and tidy, obvious that someone with money lived in the place. There were gorgeous fans displayed on the walls along with bookshelves filled with books. Shen Yuan wanted nothing more than to run over to the books and read all of them but they were not his to touch. He fought off his urges as he walked into the house, looking around for any sign of life. “Hello?” He called out.

No response.

So he walked further in and before he knew it, he had explored the entire place. There was no one there! Well, this wasn’t very helpful for him. He huffed, a pout settling on his face. He walked out of the home, settling on exploring around it. 

He walked over to the pond that was next to the home and crouched down on the edge. He looked into the water, watching the little fish that inhabited the pond swim around. It was more entertaining than it seemed! Shen Yuan even began thinking of names for them and what their daily lives were like. Did the fish communicate with each other? He wondered which fish liked each other and which fish had conflict. 

He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a branch snap behind him. He whipped around, though he did so a little too fast. He lost his footing before he could catch sight of who or what made the branch snap. He closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself to make contact with the water. But the impact never came. Instead, hands firmly gripped his shoulder and pulled him back to his feet. 

His eyes snapped open and met the sight of expensive-looking robes. They were a beautiful green color, as beautiful as jade. He gasped when he realized whoever was wearing these robes must be the owner of the home. His mouth opened to sputter apologies as he looked up at the person but all words vanished when he saw their face. He likely looked like the fish in the pond with how his mouth opened and closed.

It was Shen Jiu.

He was… a lot older. It didn’t make sense. He should only be 2 years older yet the man standing in front of him looked to be in his mid-twenties. Yet Shen Yuan could tell this was absolutely his older brother. Though he was much more well-fed and taller, he had the same sharp green eyes and jet-black hair. The same stern expression he would hold whenever Shen Yuan would do something stupid. “A-Yuan, you should know better than to lean so close to the pond.” Shen Jiu scolded him in that same tone he would when Shen Yuan was younger.

It enticed a gasp from Shen Yuan. “Gege!?” He flung himself forward, hugging Shen Jiu’s legs since Shen Jiu was now too tall for Shen Yuan to reach anywhere else. 

A soft laugh came from Shen Jiu. “What’s the matter? You’re so surprised to see me.” Shen Yuan was shortly lifted into Shen Jiu’s arms.

Shen Yuan latched onto his brother tightly. “I’ve missed you so much…”  He sniffled, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. 

Shen Jiu rubbed comforting circles on Shen Yuan’s back as he held him, quietly shushing him. “It’s okay, Gege is here.” He coaxed.

Shen Yuan hid his face in the crook of Shen Jiu’s neck, deciding to let himself cry a little more. Wasn’t he allowed to? After everything he’d been through, he deserved the opportunity to cry in his brother’s arms. 

Shen Yuan cried for a good amount of time with Shen Jiu comforting him before he finally settled down. The brothers moved over to the bench that was by the pond and sat side by side with Shen Jiu’s arm around Shen Yuan while Shen Yuan leaned against his gege.

Shen Jiu softly hummed the same song he would hum to Shen Yuan when trying to get him to sleep. It was a song Shen Yuan would always find himself humming whenever he needed a little bit of comfort. Now, he could finally hear it from his brother again. 

“Gege?” Shen Yuan eventually spoke up. When he received a hum in response, he asked, “How did I get here?”

Shen Jiu paused and when Shen Yuan looked up at him, his eyebrows were furrowed with confusion. “I… don’t know.” He said after a few moments.

A sad realization set over Shen Yuan. “Gege, where are we?” Shen Yuan focused on Shen Jiu again. Shen Jiu looked confused again and his mouth opened but no sound came out. His mouth was moving but something was blurring it, preventing Shen Yuan from possibly lip reading. 

He was dreaming.

What a cruel thing to do to him. 

Shen Yuan’s eyes filled with tears again. He should’ve realized when Shen Jiu looked like an adult. The boy couldn’t have grown that much in just two years. How foolish of Shen Yuan to think this was the real Shen Jiu. Sobs tore through him as the realization sunk into him, not even the dream Shen Jiu could comfort him. He pushed himself away from the dream version of his brother, barely noticing how the dream world was cracking around them.

“You’re not my gege!” He shouted, his tears preventing him from seeing the hurt expression on ‘Shen Jiu’s’ face. “I want my real gege! Not some stupid dream!” He hiccuped. 

“Dream?” ‘Shen Jiu’ echoed. But Shen Yuan was now crying too hard to form a proper answer. ‘Shen Jiu’ once again tried to hug Shen Yuan but Shen Yuan stepped away again. 

“Go away! Stupid dream!” The dream world was beginning to crumble. ‘Shen Jiu’ only looked more and more panicked. 

“But– A-Yuan,” Shen Jiu appeared extremely confused. “ You’re the dream.”

The dream world shattered, sending Shen Yuan into blackness once again.

+++

Shen Yuan had woken up to his fever finally broken and Binghe fretting over him. Everything felt so distant as Binghe had him drink water and fed him some leftover food they had. 

A fever dream. That’s what that had been. He wished it had been real. 

Binghe held him as he cried. He missed his brother so so much. How was he supposed to do this? He was so young yet here he was going from city to town searching for any kind of hint as to where his brother or Qi-Ge was. 

All he could do was search more, quietly hoping that he’d find one of them again.

+++

With Binghe by his side, years had passed in no time at all. With their hands intertwined, the boys traveled from town to town searching for what seemed like an endless amount of time for Shen Yuan’s brother and Qi-ge. As of right now, Shen Yuan and Binghe were staying in a much larger city. Summer was beginning to turn into fall and they were desperately trying to find a place to stay for the winter. They needed somewhere with food and an accessible source of water, somewhere that Shen Yuan would be able to handle the winter.

The city was fine, but it was filled with others in the same situation as them. There were constant fights and they wouldn’t be able to stay there if Shen Yuan fell ill. Binghe would always fight if Shen Yuan couldn’t, but he was nowhere near as good. He certainly wouldn’t be able to defend them both if they were ganged up on. 

“Binghe, do you think I’m ever going to find them?” Shen Yuan had asked one day while he was curled up in Binghe’s arms. 

Binghe had looked at him with a surprised expression. After a moment's hesitation, he came up with an answer. “I won’t lie to you, A-Yuan. I don’t know.” He’d said while brushing a hand through Shen Yuan’s hair. “We’ve searched for so long.”

He wasn’t lying of course. They had been looking for close to four years now. The boys were close to reaching the age of 10 now. Shen Yuan had sighed sadly, nodding his head. “And there’s been no hints. No clues as to where they’ve gone. Do you think maybe they’re together at least?”

Binghe hummed, rubbing Shen Yuan’s back. “I hope so. So if you find one of them that means you find both of them.”

Shen Yuan smiled and laughed softly. “That would be really nice.” He said as a silence fell upon them. Neither knew what to say after that so they simply went to sleep for the night, holding each other for warmth.

A week later, Shen Yuan had asked Binghe another question. “Binghe, why do you stay with me?” The question had come as a shock for Binghe. Seeing Binghe’s expression, Shen Yuan panicked. “It’s not that I don’t want you to it’s just–” He sighed. “We don’t know if I’m ever going to find my gege or Qi-ge and all we’ve been doing is going from place to place just to find nothing. Don’t you have something you want to do?”

Binghe had brushed away tears Shen Yuan hadn’t realized had streamed down his face. “A-Yuan, ever since you saved me all I’ve wanted is to help you. You’ve done so much for me, is it so bad that I want to do more for you?” 

Shen Yuan had promptly broke out into sobs and threw himself at Binghe, their limbs tangling as they fell to the ground hugging tightly. 

Shen Yuan knew he’d be alright as long as he had Binghe by his side.

+++

Shen Yuan and Binghe were curled up in an alleyway, trying to stay warm as they ate some stale buns that they’d managed to get from a trash can. Shen Yuan was visibly sick, nose runny and he was sweating despite the cold air around them. Even Binghe didn’t look too well. 

Their blanket had gotten torn recently in a fight with other kids who’d seen it and gotten jealous. It was a miracle that Shen Yuan still had his bag with the amount of times these kids tried to rob them. This is why Shen Yuan always preferred small towns over large cities no matter which was warmer. He had bruises and scratches from fighting dogs and kids off. Though, the others always looked worse than he did. 

“A-Yuan?” Binghe got Shen Yuan’s attention.

“What is it, Binghe?” Shen Yuan asked tiredly, fighting off a yawn. 

“I had an idea. Something that could get us off the streets and maybe even give us more resources to find your brother.” Shen Yuan immediately straightened his posture, looking at Binghe as if he were saying ‘Go on!’. So Binghe smiled nervously before continuing. “I didn’t suggest it before since we were too young, but now that we’re turning 10 we would be old enough to join a cultivation sect.”

Shen Yuan gasped. “I didn’t think of that! Binghe, that’s genius!” His mind spun. “But which one would we go to? Would they even accept us without any money?”

Binghe nodded. “My mother told me about one near our old town. I think she said it was called the Cang Qiong mountain sect.” He explained. “Every summer, they select new disciples as they do a trial.”

“Cang Qiong?” Shen Yuan echoed. The name sounded very familiar. “I think we should give it a try. We could have an actual home. Somewhere safe and warm with actual food…” Shen Yuan drifted off, imagining how heavenly that would be. Having somewhere he’d be well fed, somewhere he could be happy with Binghe. Yeah, he’d made up his mind. They were definitely going. 

Shen Yuan pulled a map he had made himself out of his bag and laid it out on the ground. “You said it was around your old town right?” He asked as he laid a finger on where that town was before tracing back to where they currently were. He grimaced when he saw how far away they were. “It must have been in the opposite direction we’ve been traveling. It’ll take us months just to reach your old town, we should start going in that direction as soon as we can if we want to get there in time.” He began rambling. “If we travel quickly, we may even have some time to prepare for the trial. Do they disclose what the trial is like?” 

Binghe had a warm smile on his face, loving how excited Shen Yuan was. “I heard we have to walk up a bunch of stairs and then I think we have to dig a hole? Somehow it’ll show everything they need to know about us.”

Shen Yuan snorted. “Dig a hole? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard. But if the stairs is a matter of endurance, then we’ve got that part cleared with how much we travel.” Shen Yuan said with Binghe nodding in agreement. “I’m sure we can do well. We’ll get in for su–” Shen Yuan suddenly sneezed, cutting off what he was going to say. He groaned, a wave of nausea hitting him. “Maybe… Maybe wait a few days till we go…” He mumbled as he folded the map and put it back in his bag. 

Binghe looked at him with a sympathetic expression. “Rest for now, A-Yuan.” He pulled Shen Yuan close so he was resting against Binghe. “We’ll get there in time as long as you’re feeling well.”

Shen Yuan nodded weakly as he closed his eyes, taking Binghe’s advice and resting. “Once I recover…” Was all he got out before he fell asleep. 

+++

Spring was transitioning into summer as Shen Yuan and Binghe finally reached Cang Qiong Mountain. The town that resided near the mountain was bustling with eager and excited kids planning on doing the trial in order to join the sect. Shen Yuan had a tight grip on Binghe’s hand as they maneuvered their way through the crowds, trying to find somewhere where they could set up camp.

They still had a good amount of time before the gates opened up for those interested in becoming disciples of one of the peaks. Shen Yuan had already been nervous but with the crowds and the fact that Binghe only just realized it was a good time to tell him that this sect was in fact the most powerful sect in the cultivation world, he felt like he was going to throw up with nerves. 

He and Binghe ended up on a riverbank that was a little ways away from the town. Not far enough that there weren’t other people but enough that it was calmer. Shen Yuan was actively combing through Binghe’s hair with his jade comb, using it as a way to ground himself. Plus, they would want to look presentable. There wasn’t much he could do about their clothes without a sewing kit but he could make sure that their hair wasn’t a trainwreck. He had said so to Binghe but all Binghe had responded with was, “What’s a train?”

Now, their positions were flipped and Binghe was combing through Shen Yuan’s hair. It was even more comforting for Shen Yuan, he was a little disappointed when Binghe stopped and tied Shen Yuan’s hair back with the ribbon. 

As day turned to dusk, they decided to go on another walk through the town now that there were fewer people. Regardless, they still held onto each other's hands as a safety measure. Shen Yuan knew better now.

They passed by stalls that had mouth-watering food. Shen Yuan wished they could afford it, it must be delicious. All the more reason to work hard and get into the sect. 

They eventually passed by a brothel that looked stunning. If Shen Yuan didn’t know better and didn’t know what a brothel was, he’d probably wish he could live somewhere just as pretty. A few women were sitting on the steps and seemed to be taking a break. Shen Yuan tilted his head a little when he made eye contact with them, their expressions turning bewildered. They turned to each other and began whispering, shooting glances at Shen Yuan as he walked away. Well, that was weird. Shen Yuan shrugged it off as nothing. 

Binghe and Shen Yuan eventually settled down for the night, finding a place near the river that was comfortable enough to sleep. 

“Binghe?” Shen Yuan had spoken once they got into their usual sleeping positions.

“Yeah?”

“What’ll happen if we don’t get in? Or if only one of us gets in?”

Binghe hummed softly. “There’s always next year to try. I don’t think there’s a limited amount of attempts.” He spoke in a quiet voice as he rubbed Shen Yuan’s back. “But you shouldn’t worry, A-Yuan. I’m confident you can get it.”

Shen Yuan smiled softly. “I’m confident you can get in, too. There’s no way they won’t be jumping at the chance to have you.”

The two burst out into giggles before snuggling even closer. “We’ve got this,” Binghe said. “We have to make sure we’re well rested first, though.” 

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I get it.” He sighed, closing his eyes. “Goodnight, Binghe.”

Binghe smiled. “Goodnight, A-Yuan.”

Chapter Text

The day of disciple selection arrived in the blink of an eye. Shen Yuan and Binghe had luckily gotten to where they would be registered early, beating the huge crowd that would eventually form behind them. Even then, they were now stuck waiting in a moderately long line. Even though it wasn’t too bad, Shen Yuan still clung to Binghe with his heart racing. 

Shen Yuan had been running through different scenarios in his head about how things could go when he was snapped back to reality by someone pushing past them. He likely would have fallen if he hadn’t been holding onto Binghe. “Hey!” He protested. “Watch it!” 

The snob who had been shoving past everyone abruptly stopped and turned to Shen Yuan when he heard him. “You talking to me?” He hissed.

Shen Yuan let go of Binghe. “Who else here is shoving past people who have been waiting for hours?” Shen Yuan retorted, looking the boy up and down. The boy was wearing expensive-looking clothes. Ah, a rich snob. Spoiled as well with the way he was acting.

Binghe tugged on Shen Yuan’s sleeve. “A-Yuan, just leave it–”

“Watch your mouth street rat!” The boy cut Binghe off. “You have no idea who I am!” He declared in an infuriated tone.

Shen Yuan snorted. “I can already guess you’re just some stuck-up rich snob who’s so spoiled he can’t handle waiting his tu–” Before he could finish his insult, the boy suddenly kicked out, hitting Shen Yuan’s shin. Shen Yuan stumbled back, biting his lip to prevent himself from crying out. 

“A-Yuan!” Binghe was by his side in an instant, steadying him before shooting a glare at the snob.

“I’m fine!” Shen Yuan tried to reassure Binghe through gritted teeth. But in truth, his leg hurt like hell. He could’ve sworn he heard a crack when it was kicked. 

The snob just laughed at the sight. “Ha! That’s what you get!”  He said before something seemed to catch his eye.  “Oh? What’s this? How did a stray like you get this?” The snob boldly reached out to grab at Shen Yuan’s bag. 

“Hand’s off!” Shen Yuan hissed, moving the bag away from the snob. 

The snob’s eyes narrowed. “Why? Did you steal it?” He questioned. “Just hand it over and I’ll leave you alone!” 

The snob made the mistake of reaching out again. In the blink of an eye, Shen Yuan had latched onto the snob’s hand with his teeth. He bit down hard, causing the snob to shriek. “Get off! Get off!!!” The snob flimsily swung at Shen Yuan’s head, trying to get him to let go.

Shen Yuan didn’t let go no matter how many times he was hit. He even lashed out at the snob’s face, leaving deep scratches behind. Before more damage could be done, there was shouting before they were suddenly pulled apart. “What is going on here!?” It was a disciple from the sect. It was a young girl, quite tall, with a fierce expression and long brown hair pulled into a high ponytail, her robes white with silver details.

Binghe jumped forward, taking Shen Yuan from the disciple's hands. “It wasn’t his fault! The other kid started it!” Binghe defended. 

The snob gasped. “You dare blame me!? Do you not see the damage he’s done!?”

“He was defending himself!” Binghe turned to the disciple. “Please! You have to believe us. Just look at his leg!” He pointed out, slightly pulling Shen Yuan’s pant leg up. 

Shen Yuan hadn’t realized how bad the injury had looked, there was a massive bruise forming with blood trickling out in the middle of his leg. On top of that, it was possibly broken. Damn, just what kind of shoes was that kid wearing!?

The snob’s eyes widened in panic. “Y-You have no proof that it was me who did that!” He tried to deflect but everyone around them was sick of him. 

“I saw it happen. The brat attacked the boy first!” Someone called out. Multiple others in the crowd murmured in agreement. 

The disciple sighed, rubbing her temples. “That’s enough. You two, come with me.” She instructed. “You, go to the back of the line. You’ll wait like everyone else here has to.” She waved over another disciple to accompany the snob before turning back to Shen Yuan and Binghe.

Binghe had gotten Shen Yuan, who had a guilty expression, onto his back so he could carry him. “Are we in trouble..?” Shen Yuan asked the disciple after a moment of hesitation. 

“Well, you’ve certainly created quite the scene. But, no. We just need to get you to one of the Qian Cao disciples to get you healed up.” The disciple explained as she led them to the front of the line. She grabbed two forms from the disciples who were doing registration before leading the two boys to a side area where a couple of disciples had set up a first aid station. Fights must happen often if they have something like this. 

One of the male disciples at the station caught sight of the trio. He wore white robes that had jade green detailing. He was on the shorter side with long black hair pulled back into a lower ponytail. “Oh? Do we have our first patients of the day?” He questioned before doing a shallow bow as a greeting. “My name is Zhou Shi, what seems to be the problem?” He introduced himself to Shen Yuan and Binghe before asking. 

The female disciple who had escorted them spoke up, “Some snobby kid started a fight he couldn’t finish. The little one did a number on him.” She snickered in amusement. “But the brat got the little one’s leg badly. You think you can treat it?”

Zhou Shi nodded. “Should be! Set him down and I’ll take a look.” He instructed Binghe, who eventually set Shen Yuan down on one of the cots after some hesitation. Zhou Shi got on one knee and gently lifted Shen Yuan’s injured leg to examine it. 

Shen Yuan winced. “Is it bad?” He asked nervously. 

Zhou Shi hummed. “Luckily it’s not broken. But it looks to be fractured.” He explained. “But don’t worry! Easy fix.” He swiftly reassured Shen Yuan cheerfully after seeing his face pale. “I’ll be right back with the stuff I need to fix you up.” 

Zhou Shi left after ruffling Shen Yuan’s hair and the female disciple instead kneeled by where they were sitting with the registration forms in her hand. “Do either of you know how to read or write?”

Binghe shook his head while Shen Yuan nodded. “I know a little bit.”

She looked at him skeptically before handing the forms to Shen Yuan. “Let me know if you need any help, I’ll be right here. The name’s Wu Xiang.” She introduced herself. 

“Luo Binghe. This is Shen Yuan.” Binghe eagerly introduced them while Shen Yuan looked through the forms.

Wu Xiang raised an eyebrow. “Shen?” She muttered questionably under her breath before looking at Shen Yuan a little closer. She stopped when she saw him shifting uncomfortably and sat back with a scoff. 

A couple of moments of silence passed as Shen Yuan slowly began filling out the form as they waited for Zhou Shi. Sooner than expected, the boy came trotting back up. “Alright, little one– what are you doing?” He cut himself off when he saw the papers in Shen Yuan’s hands. 

Shen Yuan looked up at him with a confused expression. “Filling the form out?”

Zhou Shi looked at Shen Yuan like he had grown a tail before looking at Wu Xiang. “XiangXiang! You know we’re supposed to fill the forms out, not them. Right?” 

Wu Xiang scowled. “Don’t call me that! And the boy said he could read and write. Why not let him fill the form out?”

Zhou Shi sighed dramatically. “You’re lucky he only got to his name.” He said before carefully taking the papers. “No patients doing paperwork please!” Zhou Shi then shoved the papers at Wu Xiang for her to fill out instead. 

Wu Xiang begrudgingly took the papers. Not without muttering her grievances under her breath, though. “Fine.”

“Now, little one, this will sting at first but then the pain will go away! After it goes away, I’ll get to healing that fracture for you and you’ll be all set for the trial!” Zhou Shi explained enthusiastically. “I would tell you to stay off of your leg but in the short time I’ve known you, I think you’re going to the trial no matter what I say.”

Shen Yuan grew a little shy as he nodded, cheeks turning pink. For some reason, Binghe latched onto Shen Yuan’s arm after seeing this. Ah, silly boy. Must be nervous seeing Shen Yuan’s injury. 

Zhou Shi hummed. “XiangXiang, why don’t you start asking the questions necessary for the form?”

Wu Xiang nodded. “Shen Yuan, we’ll begin with you.” She stated, barely noticing how Zhou Shi mouthed ‘Shen?’ at her. She gave a shrug in response. “Okay… do you have any living relatives?” She asked. 

Shen Yuan hesitated before nodding. “I think so? I haven't seen them in a few years so I don’t know for sure.” He explained. “I have an older brother and uhm...” He fell quiet, considering something. “An older adoptive brother? Or more like brother-in-law?” What would Qi-Ge count as?

“I’ll put their statuses down as unknown for now.” Wu Xiang said before pausing as she wrote. “Alright, do you know how old you are?”

Shen Yuan nodded again. “10.”

Wu Xiang hummed. “Any illnesses we should know about?”

Before Shen Yuan could shake his head, Binghe butted in. “He gets really sick every winter without fail.” Ignoring Shen Yuan’s protests, he continued. “It’s not normal. It’s much more severe than whenever I get sick.”

Shen Yuan huffed. “It’s really not that bad! I’m sure if we lived in better conditions I’d be fine!” 

“The sect has plenty of remedies we could use to ease those fevers!” Zhou Shi chimed in. “I’m sure once you get properly fed and have proper shelter, your immune system will have an easier time dealing with the cold.”

“You sound confident that we’re going to get in.” Shen Yuan commented. 

Zhou Shi smiled as he wrapped Shen Yuan’s leg up with bandages. “Of course I am! I’m sure the peaks will be fighting over who gets you two!”

Binghe and Shen Yuan giggled. “I don’t think that’s going to happen. We’ll get lucky if even one peak wants us.” Binghe said.

“Nonsense! I think even my Shizun would want you two.” Zhou Shi said matter of factly. 

Surprisingly, Wu Xiang nodded next to them. “Mine as well.” She said, causing Zhou Shi to smile brighter than he had before. 

“See? I’m telling you, you guys have nothing to worry about!” Zhou Shi rested his hands on top of their heads. “Little one, you’re all patched up and ready to go! We just have to get your friend’s form filled out and XiangXiang will escort you two to the area where you’ll wait to be taken up the stairs that lead to the selection!”

Shen Yuan had grown visibly flustered. “Thank you…” He dipped his head, Binghe shortly copying.

After Wu Xiang gathered Binghe’s information, they said their goodbyes to Zhou Shi. “Visit me on Qian Cao when you get in!!!” Had been his parting words as Wu Xiang led the way to where they would wait. 

Shen Yuan was slightly limping but the pain was nowhere near what it had been before. His leg felt more uncomfortable than in pain, hence the limp. Hopefully, he’d have the chance to rest after the selections. 

The scenery was increasingly more beautiful as they walked down a path that would lead them to a stunning sight of white marble stairs that seemed to go on forever. Shen Yuan could’ve sworn they were endless if he didn’t know they would lead up to the peaks. Binghe held onto his hand as they walked, helping Shen Yuan keep his nervousness at bay. A small group of kids around their age came into view, chattering excitedly as the trio entered the clearing where they stood. Shen Yuan didn’t notice how he had begun squeezing Binghe’s hand slightly tighter. 

Wu Xiang got the attention of the group, telling them to hand in their forms before waiting at the base of the Heaven-Ascending stairs. “If you fall too far behind the group, you will get stuck in the protective array. If that happens, you will be disqualified and escorted back down the stairs by another disciple.” She explained once gathering all of the forms. “You will not be waited on, so keep up.”

Not long afterward, the group set off on their way up the stairs. Ascending the stairs took about half an incense stick with many of the group not making it. By the time they reached the top, the group of about 60 dropped to about 35. Shen Yuan and Binghe made it with only a light layer of sweat coating their skin, almost immediately catching their breath after reaching the top.

Wu Xiang had looked at them with an impressed expression on her face as she took attendance. “You will all have a short break before we proceed to the next part of the selection.” She told them. “After the break, you will receive a shovel and this one will escort you to a clearing where your task is to dig a hole as deep as you can within the time limit.” She paused before her gaze fell on Shen Yuan. “The Cang Qiong sect Peak Lords will be watching you as you dig. However, not all Peak Lords may be present right away. Some may come later in the day or not at all.”

Shen Yuan was practically buzzing in place, nerves wracking him at the thought of being watched by so many powerful beings. He took a deep breath as he slowly began formulating a plan. He knew the test wasn’t just about digging holes, it was going to show his set of skills to those around him. His strategizing skills, stamina, will, etc. He had to make sure he excelled in all of those categories. He felt his hand being squeezed, bringing him back to reality to see Binghe looking at him with concern in his eyes. Shen Yuan gave him a soft reassuring smile before squeezing his hand back. 

After Wu Xiang finished telling them what to expect, they finally got their break which was for a quarter of a Shi Chen. In that time, water and snacks were provided before they had to resume their trek to where they would be digging. Once reaching an area where a couple of disciples in yellow robes stood, they were instructed to get into a few lines to receive their shovels. After receiving their shovels, they were again escorted to a different clearing. The clearing was wide, likely able to hold a huge crowd if needed. There wasn’t much grass in the clearing, only around it. There was a small pond on the side and a few trees residing where the grass was around. Overlooking the clearing was an elongated pavilion that sat atop a cliff with a railing in front of it. There were two curved staircases, the same white marble as the Heaven-Ascending stairs, leading up to the pavilion on the sides of the clearing closer to the cliff.

Shen Yuan noticed that people were moving around in the pavilion. He caught sight of one person wearing very expensive-looking robes and immediately realized that the people must be the peak lords. He took a deep breath before his nerves could get the better of him. He turned his attention to Wu Xiang, who began to explain the rules and instructions.

Finally, it was time for them to begin. The group was released into the clearing to search for the spots that they would want to dig in. While most rushed to get what looked like to be the best spots, Shen Yuan and a few others stayed behind, including Binghe, as they made their decision carefully. Shen Yuan shortly settled on a spot where the soil seemed to be softer. It didn’t have much shade, but as the day progressed he knew in a few hours he would have more. Binghe had chosen a spot that wasn’t far from Shen Yuan, giving Shen Yuan a sense of comfort that his friend would be close by. 

Shen Yuan gripped his shovel tightly, determination filling him. He could do this. He was going to join this sect with Binghe and he was going to find his brothers. Oddly enough, he found himself feeling quite certain on that point. As if it were going to be guaranteed. 

The signal for them to start digging went off. Shen Yuan took a deep breath before beginning to dig. It was going to be a long day.

+++

Shen Qingqiu hadn’t originally wanted to attend this year's disciple selection. But when his beloved disciple Ning Yingying begged him to take her so she could have a shidi or shimei, he reluctantly gave in. His only condition was that they would go at the halfway mark. Ning Yingying enthusiastically agreed. 

So here he was, arriving at the pavilion that overlooked possible future disciples with Ning Yingying on his sword, Xiu Ya. Once they were close enough to the ground, Ning Yingying jumped off of the sword and sped over to the railing to look over all of her potential Shidi’s and Shimei’s. Shen Qingqiu flicked his fan open as he got off of Xiu Ya, covering the lower half of his face as the sword returned to its scabbard. “Ying-er, careful. Do not lean over the railing like that.” He scolded the young girl.

“Sorry Shizun!” She chirped in a very much insincere way.

Shen Qingqiu sighed, deciding that if she fell off, she fell off. He turned to the pavilion where his sect mates were sitting on cushions, plenty of food and drinks to appease them as they oversaw the hardworking children below. He barely concealed his scowl when he saw Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi looking at him with strange expressions on their faces. He lightly fanned himself and decided to take the seat next to Mu Qingfang, which was frustratingly also next to Liu Qingge. Fortunately, Yue Qingyuan wasn’t here so he was spared from the kicked puppy act. He didn’t have to deal with the ratty Shang Qinghua either it seemed. 

“Shen-Shixiong.” Mu Qingfang greeted.

“Mu-Shidi.” Shen Qingqiu greeted back. 

“Your morning has gone well, I hope?”

“It’s been fine. Would be better if I weren’t here.” Shen Qingqiu grumbled as he closed his fan, resting the top of it against his chin. 

A small smile appeared on Mu Qingfang’s face. “Disciple Ning was the one who wanted to come?” He guessed.

Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Ying-er has been wanting a new shidi for a while now.” He sighed. “Every day it’s been endless begging until I agreed to bring her here.”

Mu Qingfang let out an amused laugh before turning his attention back to the kids below.

Shen Qingqiu flicked his fan open again, fanning himself as he surveyed the children below. There were a few taking breaks, lazily chatting while others continued digging. None of the holes were particularly deep, most only going up to a child's knees or thighs. Though, one with curly hair had dug till they were close to chest deep. He wondered why no one snatched the child yet- perhaps they were waiting to see how deep he would be able to dig? Ah, or perhaps none of them wanted a street rat. Then his gaze drifted a little further and he noticed– a child had dug till only the top of their head was visible! Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened slightly, the child had to have an outstanding amount of qi to have dug that far in such a short time.

Before he could delve more into his thoughts, he could feel two sets of eyes on him. Two sets from two particularly annoying people. He snapped his fan shut and quickly met Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi’s stares. “Well? Are you going to keep staring like the idiots you are or speak?” He scowled.

Liu Qingge huffed, opening his mouth to seemingly say something but before any words could escape his mouth, the sound of Ning Yingying gasping and her voice cut in instead. “Shizun! That boy looks just like you!” 

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, tearing his attention away from the two fools and focusing on Ning Yingying. “What nonsense are you speaking?” He questioned as he got onto his feet, closing his fan and putting the top to his chin again. 

“I’m not lying!” Ning Yingying insisted. “It’s like he’s a clone! But much much younger…”

Shen Qingqiu walked to where Ning Yingying was leaning against the railing, gently tugging her back so she wasn’t leaning on it anymore. He rested a hand on her head and scanned the ground. “Where?” 

“There! In the deepest hole!” She pointed eagerly. “I think he and his friend are about to take a break, you’ll see in a moment I swear Shizun!” 

Sure enough, the curly-haired boy he’d seen earlier went over to the deep hole and held out a hand. After a few moments, a hand reached out from the hole and grabbed onto the curly-haired boys. For a split second, the boy struggled to pull the one inside up but he managed. 

A scrawny boy was pulled up out of the hole. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t quite see his face, the angle they were at causing the boys back to face the peak lord. He noted how the boy was trying to keep his weight off of one of his legs, bandages visible from even this far. Had the boy dug that much for this long with an injured leg? His determination was impressive. More so when looking closer at the boy and seeing how he was clearly not in the best state, with skin sticking to his bones and his skin a sickly shade. His hair was a mess as well, knotted and messily tied in a bun with a scraggly ribbon.

“Turn around… turn around!” Ning Yingying impatiently huffed as she bounced in place. 

Shen Qingqiu himself was getting slightly impatient. The boy and his friend were simply chatting as the boy seemingly realized he had forgotten something. Shen Qingqiu noted a bag near the hole the boy had been digging and assumed that’s what he’d forgotten. That’s when their prayers were answered and the boy finally turned and–

And…

And bore the face of his A-Yuan.

Ning Yingying bounced excitedly next to Shen Qingqiu. “See! See Shizun? I told you, he–” She turned to Shen Qingqiu, only to see the man had paled. Just as she had turned, the fan in the man's hand snapped and fell to the ground with a thud . “Shizun…?” She nervously reached up and tugged on his sleeve. 

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t responding. He looked as if he had seen a ghost, trembling hands fallen by his side as he stared at the boy. The air around them turned icy, the other peak lords falling silent at Shen Qingqiu’s reaction. Mu Qingfang was the only one who moved, getting up and carefully making his way over to Shen Qingqiu. “Shixiong, your qi is unstable.” Mu Qingfang said as he placed a hand on Shen Qingqiu’s back, using his qi to stabilize Shen Qingqiu’s.

After a few moments, Shen Qingqiu seemed to snap out of his daze and shrugged Mu Qingfang’s hand away. “I’m fine .” He hissed, every emotion that had leaked out quickly hidden away again.

“Judging by that reaction, that boy must have some relationship with you Shen Qingqiu.” Qi Qingqi commented off to the side. 

“Must be his bastard son.” Liu Qingge joined in, causing him and Qi Qingqi to snicker. 

The railing that Shen Qingqiu had grabbed onto cracked under his grip as his gaze snapped to the duo. “You shut your mouth!” He snarled. “He is not my son!” 

“Oh?” Liu Qingge hummed. “You wouldn’t mind me taking him and his friend then?” With a wave of his hand, the disciple by Liu Qingge’s side got up and started to make way for the stairs that led down to the clearing. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened. “Yingying, get down there now!” He snapped at her. 

Ning Yingying jumped. “Yes, Shizun!” She quickly turned, pausing for a moment. “Shizun, can I get his friend too?”

“If you want either of them, you better move your feet!”

~

Ning Yingying promptly sped forward, locking eyes with the Bai Zhan disciple, the challenge of who gets there first sparking in between them. Both disciples broke out into a sprint, skipping steps as they bounded down the stairs leading to the clearing. It was a miracle that the two didn’t trip and fall the rest of the stairs by the time they reached the bottom. Ning Yingying’s heart was pounding as she weaved her way around the holes and dirt piles blocking her way to the boy and his friend. She had to reach them first! She couldn’t let her Shizun down, not when he was relying on her! She had to make him proud of her! She ran like her life depended on it, fighting against the Bai Zhan disciple who was still managing to run beside her. And he was starting to speed up! No fair! 

She pushed herself harder, the boy and his friend in view. She had to fight dirty to win this. So, she reached out and shoved the Bai Zhan disciple right into one of the dug holes! The commotion caused all eyes to focus on this foolishness but Ning Yingying didn’t care! She skidded to a halt in front of the boy and his friend, panting while her lungs felt like they were going to shrivel up and end up coughed out of her. 

The Shizun look-alike’s expression was filled with alarm while the curly-haired boy looked worried. “Are you okay?” The curly-haired boy asked while the Shizun look-alike held out a flask.

“Here, drink this. It’s water.” The Shizun look-alike urged. 

She quickly took the flask, chugging down a bunch of the water before gasping for air. “You… you two!” She struggled to form proper words. “Join… Join–”

“You cheater!” The Bai Zhan disciple skidded to a halt by Ning Yingying. “You Qing Jing disciples and your trickery!”

Ning Yingying glared at the disciple. “It’s not my fault you were stupid enough to run so close to me! I got here first so you lose!” 

The Bai Zhan disciple gasped, offended by her words. Instead of rebuking, he turned to the two boys who looked extremely confused. “You two! Join Bai Zhan! It’s way better than Qing Jing!”

Ning Yingying was appalled. “Hey! I was here first, you can’t do that!” She looked at the boys again. “He’s lying! Qing Jing is way better! Bai Zhan is just filled with a bunch of stupid brutes!”

“At least we’re not sneaky foxes like Qing Jing disciples!” The Bai Zhan disciple hissed. 

“Ah… calm down– I’m sure both peaks are equally good–” The Shizun look-alike tried to reason. 

“Qing Jing is better!” Ning Yingying argued.

“Bai Zhan is better!” The Bai Zhan disciple argued.

The Shizun look-alike sighed in defeat. The curly-haired boy patted his back before looking at the two arguing. “Why don’t you play rock paper scissors for us or something?” He suggested wearily.

Ning Yingying’s eyes lit up. “Good idea!” And so, a rock paper scissors competition was on. “Two rounds, best two out of three! The winner of each round chooses who they want.” She declared.

Ning Yingying won the first round, deciding to choose the Shizun look-alike since that’s who her Shizun wanted the most. She had to put her Shizun first! But unfortunately, she lost the second round which meant she lost the one she had wanted. Whatever! Shizun would be proud of her for getting the one he wanted. Plus, she had a new Shidi either way!

“Come on!” She grabbed the Shizun look-alike’s hand and pulled him along. 

“Ah, wait!” The boy could only limp along, not being able to keep up with her pace. 

Ning Yingying paused in her walking, considering the boy’s injury before deciding to throw him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes! Well, a sack of feathers with how light the boy was. She ignored the boy’s protests and set off in another sprint. She skipped steps as she ran up the stairs, only setting the boy down once they reached the top. “There! Now you’ll meet my Shizun–” She turned to meet her Shizun’s eyes, a grin breaking out on her face when she saw relief in his expression. 

~

Shen Yuan hadn’t expected the peaks to actually fight over him and Binghe! Nor did he expect to be thrown over the girl disciple's shoulder as if he weighed nothing! It was embarrassing how easily she did it. Sure, yeah he was malnourished and underweight but still! And she sped up the stairs within less than a minute! Just who was she!?

He was relieved when he was finally put on his feet again. She said something about her shizun– right her shizun was going to be his as well. He should greet his new Shizun and make a good impression. So he turned to where the girl was grinning and he met another’s eyes—

Eyes. 

Eyes a jade green, identical to his own only sharper. Long silky black hair held up by a silver headpiece, expensive robes that were the same color as his eyes, and a face that bore the same features his Gege did. Shen Jiu stood at the opening of the pavilion, looking right at Shen Yuan with an expression that words couldn’t describe.

Any words that Shen Yuan had, he lost. The man was identical to the one in his dream. Was he dreaming again? No, the pain in his leg was too present for him to be in a dream. This was real? Was this really happening? 

“A-Yuan?” Shen Jiu’s voice cracked as he spoke, breaking through Shen Yuan’s thoughts.

Shen Yuan let out a wounded noise as if he had just gotten the air knocked out of him. Shortly, a choked-back sob followed the noise. “Gege?”

Shen Jiu’s hands slapped over his mouth, trembling. “Oh…” His voice quivered as he stepped forward.

Shen Yuan’s limbs moved before his thoughts. He found himself sprinting towards Shen Jiu and Shen Jiu falling to his knees, embracing Shen Yuan tightly when Shen Yuan crashed into him. Shen Yuan hadn’t even registered himself breaking out into tears until a wail tore from his throat when he felt Shen Jiu’s arms around him. “Ge– Gege!” 

Shen Jiu’s embrace was firm, tight, most importantly comforting. He was real– his Gege was alive, well, fuck he was a peak lord! Shen Yuan felt warmth spurt throughout him, joy at the realization that his brother was alive and well. Shen Jiu’s hand rubbed circles on Shen Yuan’s back as he quietly shushed him. “Don’t cry, it’s okay, you're okay. Gege is here.” Shen Jiu comforted him. 

Shen Yuan leaned back for a moment, hiccuping as he cried. He tried to wipe the tears off of his face but new ones just replaced the ones he wiped away. He looked back up at Shen Jiu, only momentarily surprised before he reached up and tried to wipe Shen Jiu’s face. “Gege… you’re crying too.” He managed to say in between two sobs. 

“What nonsense.” Shen Jiu said softly, raising a sleeve to dry both of their faces. He pressed a kiss to Shen Yuan’s temple before pulling him back into the hug.

The brothers only stayed like that for a few more moments until Shen Jiu stood up, lifting Shen Yuan in the process. Shen Yuan instinctively wrapped his arms around Shen Jiu’s neck and hid his face in the crook of his brother's neck as he had done years before. 

A new voice intruded on the moment. “Shen-shixiong, take him to Qian Cao. I’ll meet you there.”

Shen Jiu tensed up, hesitating before nodding. “Okay.” He agreed. Shen Yuan felt a moment of relief, he didn’t like how many eyes were on them. There was the sound of a sword leaving its sheathe and before Shen Yuan knew it– they were in the air! Bewildered, he held onto Shen Jiu even tighter as he saw the terrain below them grow more distant. 

Luckily, they landed in the blink of an eye in front of a large building. Shen Jiu stepped off of the sword, returning it to its sheathe in a swift motion before walking into the building. His grip on Shen Yuan was still as firm as ever, not daring to let him go as if he were going to disappear. 

The inside of the building was quiet, only a few disciples in dark green robes wandering about with papers in hand. Shen Jiu walked past what seemed to be a front desk and walked down a hallway that contained many doors, assumingly leading to rooms. Shen Jiu came to a halt in front of one of those doors and pushed it open, revealing a room that was quite spacious. It contained a bed lined with white sheets and a blanket along with a comfortable-looking pillow. There was also a vanity and tub in the room with plenty of bathing supplies. 

Shen Jiu sat Shen Yuan down on the bed, letting go only momentarily so he could sit next to him. Shen Yuan scooted closer to his brother, eventually resting his head on Shen Jiu’s lap and curling in on himself. Shen Jiu’s hand rested on Shen Yuan’s back, rubbing circles on it while his other hand pulled out a talisman. When the talisman was activated, he put it on the table that resided next to the bed. “A-Yuan, we need to talk.” He said softly.

Shen Yuan nodded slightly. “Can we wait a little bit? I’m tired.”

Shen Jiu sighed. “Just a little.” He agreed, his voice affectionate.

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu should have known that Shen Yuan asking to wait ‘a little bit’ would result in the boy falling asleep nearly instantly. If he hadn’t been apart from Shen Yuan for so long, Shen Jiu would have been irritated. The boy desperately needed a bath! Shen Jiu would likely have to scrub Shen Yuan for an hour just to get the first layer of grime off. But he didn’t have the heart to wake the boy up. Not when he hasn’t had Shen Yuan sleep on his lap like this in so many years. 

So, instead, he just remained sitting with Shen Yuan sleeping, continuing to rub circles on his back and occasionally stroke his cheek once or twice before brushing stray hairs aside. Shen Jiu found himself on the verge of dozing off as well before a soft knock on the door jerked his body back into awakeness. He cautiously looked at Shen Yuan to make sure he was still asleep, sighing in relief when the boy didn’t even move an inch at the disturbance. Heavy sleeper as always.

“Who is it?” Shen Jiu called out.

“It’s me, Shen-Shixiong.” Mu Qingfang’s voice came through the door. 

Shen Jiu hadn’t noticed he’d tensed up until his body relaxed when he realized it was Mu Qingfang. “Come in.” 

The door shortly opened and Mu Qingfang made his way into the room. He bowed his head in greeting, Shen Jiu mirroring him. Mu Qingfang had a small smile on his face when he caught sight of Shen Yuan. “Is he doing well?”

Shen Jiu nodded. “Yes. He just needed sleep after how much crying he did. He’s always been the type to fall asleep after crying.” He said, a short and quiet laugh escaping him. “Ah, I should wake him up so Shidi can do a check-up on him.” 

Mu Qingfang sat down on a chair next to the bed. “There is no rush, Shixiong. I don’t mind waiting.” He assured. “Why don’t you tell me about him?”

Shen Jiu turned his gaze away from Mu Qingfang, looking at Shen Yuan instead. “I don’t know how much I can say.” He hesitantly said. “I haven’t seen him since he was four. Who knows how much he’s changed? How his habits have changed?”

Mu Qingfang hummed in consideration. “Why don’t you share what you remember? Memories that you’re fond of.”

Shen Jiu closed his eyes for a moment, digging through his memories for ones he could share with Mu Qingfang. “Ah, there was one time…”

~

Shen Yuan grumbled softly as he began to stir from his sleep. He could hear his brother’s voice along with another. The hand that had been rubbing his back paused before he felt it against his cheek, followed by his brother's voice saying, “A-Yuan?”

Shen Yuan begrudgingly opened his eyes after a few moments, squinting slightly when the bright light hit him. He caught sight of Shen Jiu and almost instantly, he instinctively reached up with his arms for his Gege to hold him in his lap but he soon blushed in the realization that he was most likely too big for that now. But to his surprise, Shen Jiu did it anyway! A warm fuzzy feeling settled inside of him when Shen Jiu lifted him onto his lap, positioning Shen Yuan so he could easily rest his head against his brother's chest. He was almost thankful that he was small for his age as he curled up in the comfort of Shen Jiu’s arms. 

Shen Yuan had been on the verge of going back to sleep but Shen Jiu spoke before he could. “A-Yuan, there’s someone else here.” 

Shen Yuan immediately straightened his posture, eyes flying open. He caught sight of one of the prettiest men he had ever witnessed in his short lifespan, his jaw immediately going agape. “U-Uhm…” He felt his cheeks heating up the longer he looked at the man. “Hi…” He greeted shyly, grabbing onto Shen Jiu’s robes tightly to try and ground himself. 

Shen Yuan thought it couldn’t get any better, but then the man smiled!!! It was a smile that instantly made Shen Yuan feel as if he were safe. A smile that told him that he could trust whoever this man was. The man bowed his head in greeting. “Hello, little one. My name is Mu Qingfang.” He began. “I’m the peak lord of Qian Cao.”

“Qian Cao?” Shen Yuan echoed, his eyes widening a little. “Do you know Zhou Shi, then?” 

Surprise flashed on Mu Qingfang’s face only for a moment before he nodded. “Yes, Zhou Shi is my head disciple. How do you know him?”

Shen Yuan shifted his position so his bandaged leg was visible. “I got in a fight with someone when I was waiting in line and he treated me after I got injured.” He explained.

“A fight?” Shen Jiu questioned, his eyebrows furrowed.

Shen Yuan nodded. “He was being a bully and trying to cut in line. I stopped him and he kicked me super hard, but then he tried to take my bag so I bit his hand super hard.” Shen Yuan huffed. “I won. He got sent to the back of the line while I got to get in earlier since I was being treated.” He said smugly.

Mu Qingfang had an amused expression while Shen Jiu was slightly exasperated. “A-Yuan…”

“What? He was asking for it!” Shen Yuan said defensively. “You would’ve done the same gege! You have done the same!”

Before the conversation could escalate any further, Mu Qingfang intercepted. “Shen Yuan, do you mind if I take a look at your leg? Just to make sure it’s properly healing?” He asked kindly.

Shen Yuan grew slightly flustered again, nodding. “Wait,” He paused. “Are you a doctor?”

Mu Qingfang tilted his head. “Yes, I am. Is that an issue?”

Shen Yuan nervously gripped Shen Jiu’s robes tighter. “You’re not gonna poke me with needles that make me sleep, right?” His voice wobbly as he asked. “Or pills that make me feel funny?”

The anxiety in Shen Yuan’s stomach grew when he felt Shen Jiu stiffen and saw how Mu Qingfang’s expression turned indescribable. He was close to saying that it would be alright if he had to but Shen Jiu suddenly wrapped Shen Yuan into a tight hug, holding Shen Yuan’s head firmly against his chest. “No, no. That won’t ever happen here, A-Yuan.” Shen Jiu’s voice was shaky but his tone was firm. 

Mu Qingfang seemed to recover from his moment and nodded in agreement. “There will be none of that here.” He assured Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan felt himself relax after receiving confirmation from them both. “Oh, okay. Then it’s okay.” He told them. 

With that, Mu Qingfang began examining Shen Yuan’s leg. Shen Jiu remained holding Shen Yuan in a tight hug, not that Shen Yuan minded even a little bit. He couldn’t be upset about it even if he tried. He’d been wishing to be held by his brother again for the past six years, he’d take every moment he could now that they were back together. After a few basic questions about his injury, like if it still hurt or not, Mu Qingfang confirmed that the injury would make a full recovery. “I will have to make sure I praise Zhou Shi for doing a job well done.” Mu Qingfang said after re-bandaging Shen Yuan’s leg.

Shen Yuan smiled widely. “Can you tell him I said hi?” He asked. 

Mu Qingfang returned Shen Yuan’s smile. “Of course I can.” He confirmed before turning his gaze to Shen Jiu. “Shixiong, would you like for me to go and get the items needed for a medicinal bath? I think it would benefit Shen Yuan’s injury.” 

Shen Jiu snapped out of a daze that he hadn’t even realized he’d entered. He gave himself a moment to process Mu Qingfang’s words before slowly nodding. “Yes, that would be greatly appreciated Shidi.” 

Shen Yuan was practically vibrating in Shen Jiu’s arms. “Bath? I can have a bath?” He excitedly asked. 

Shen Jiu pet Shen Yuan’s hair with the slightest of smiles. “Of course you can. It’ll be nice and warm as well. Then we’ll get you into some clean soft robes.”

Shen Yuan let out a little gasp of delight, causing Mu Qingfang to let out a small laugh. “Then I must go get the supplies right away. I’ll send a few disciples to gather the water for you.”

Shen Jiu dipped his head. “Thank you Shidi.”

“Of course, Shixiong.” Mu Qingfang said before exiting the room. 

Once Mu Qingfang left, Shen Jiu lifted Shen Yuan off of his lap and placed him in front of him instead. Shen Yuan looked up at Shen Jiu with a confused expression. “Gege?” 

Shen Jiu looked at him with a wistful expression before taking a deep breath. “A-Yuan, remember how I said we needed to talk before you fell asleep?” 

Shen Yuan felt him shrinking in on himself. “Yeah…” 

“While we wait for your bath to be set up, we need to talk. I just need to ask a few questions and if you ever feel overwhelmed just let me know, okay?” Shen Jiu cupped one side of Shen Yuan’s face, using his thumb to stroke his cheek.

Shen Yuan avoided eye contact but still nodded. “Okay, gege…” He agreed before adjusting the way he was sitting to he was more comfortable, eventually looking up and meeting his brother’s eyes.

Shen Jiu opened his mouth, contemplating what to ask first. Eventually, he settled on a question. “A-Yuan, can you tell me how you and Qi-Ge got separated?”

Shen Yuan felt a nauseating amount of guilt hit him but he gave a nod in response. “Uhm… it was I think three weeks after you were taken. I got another really bad fever so after I recovered I really wanted to move around even though Qi-Ge tried to insist on carrying me.” He began, twiddling his thumbs anxiously. “I didn’t know it was gonna be crowded… I managed to get Qi-Ge to give in and let me walk with him and I holding hands but we got to a really crowded area and we ended up not being able to hold onto each other.”

Shen Jiu’s eyebrows were furrowed, seemingly contemplating what Shen Yuan was saying. “Go on.” He urged gently.

“Uhm… After– after that I tried to go hide in an alley while calling for Qi-Ge but…” Shen Yuan trailed off, his eyes going unfocused as he recalled the frightening memory. His lips pressed flat together as he slightly hung his head. 

Shen Jiu’s expression turned concerned as he reached out and rested a hand on Shen Yuan’s shoulder. “A-Yuan?” He gently shook the boy, trying to get his mind to return. “It’s okay, you can tell gege what happened.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes grew misty as he looked back up at his brother. “I– I uhm…” His voice was wobbly. “This… this really scary woman found me first. I don’t… I don’t remember much of what happened. I tried to fight back but that made her angry and I felt something poke me before I felt super sleepy.” By now, tears had begun rolling down Shen Yuan’s face as he sniffled. “I could hear Qi-Ge calling for me so I tried to stay awake but I just couldn’t. The woman bought me and took me away from him.”

Shen Jiu was momentarily stunned before he pulled Shen Yuan back into a tight hug. He quietly shushed Shen Yuan, rubbing comforting circles on the boy’s back. “It’s okay… it’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” Shen Jiu reassured him. “It’s okay, I’m here A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan slowly but surely began to calm down as he clung to his brother. He took shaky deep breaths as he tried to use his tattered sleeve to wipe at his face. Shen Jiu ended up using his own sleeves to dry Shen Yuan’s face after seeing the useless struggle. “‘m sorry gege…” Shen Yuan mumbled once his tears finally stopped.

“Don’t apologize didi.” Shen Jiu pressed a kiss to Shen Yuan’s temple. “I only have one more question. It seems this foolish gege has forgotten how many years it’s been since we last saw each other with how busy he’s been. Does A-Yuan know?”

Shen Jiu had asked the question fast enough that Shen Yuan wouldn’t get nervous. “Oh!” Shen Yuan said excitedly. “Wait, I know how to do this.” 

Shen Jiu pet Shen Yuan’s head as Shen Yuan adjusted his position so his hands were free and in Shen Jiu’s view. “Go on.” Shen Jiu encouraged. 

Shen Yuan nodded. “Okay… so I spent one year at the mean lady’s home… so that’s one… then I spent a year alone… two… then I met Binghe and it’s been four years since… so six!” He turned to Shen Jiu, holding up six fingers with an excited expression. “See, see! I can do math now gege!!!” He faltered slightly when he saw Shen Jiu’s expression. It was mixed with confusion and sadness, causing Shen Yuan to look at his hands confused. “Did I not do it right..?”

Shen Jiu quickly shook his head. “No, no. You did it right. That was amazing A-Yuan.” He praised, gently pinching one of Shen Yuan’s cheeks. “Can I check something really quick, didi?”

Shen Yuan didn’t look certain but nodded anyway. “Okay.”

“Can I see your wrist?” Shen Jiu asked, taking Shen Yuan’s wrist in his hand when offered. He firmly pressed two fingers onto the inner part of Shen Yuan’s wrist and closed his eyes. Shen Yuan watched him curiously as Shen Jiu confirmed a heartbeat before delving further in, checking his spiritual roots and meridians.

Shen Yuan slightly jumped when Shen Jiu’s eyes suddenly snapped open, an expression of extreme confusion on his face. “Gege…?” He nervously asked. “Is everything okay? Is something wrong?” His heart rate began to pick up as he grew nervous. 

“A-Yuan… I need to ask you another question.” Shen Jiu said carefully. “How did you escape from the scary woman you spoke of earlier?” 

Shen Yuan didn’t need a mirror to know that all color drained from his face. He squirmed in place uncomfortably as he avoided making eye contact at all costs. “I… uhm…” Shen Yuan mumbled, biting down on his lower lip. “I… I really don’t know gege…” His eyes burnt as tears welled up in them. “I– I woke up one day and… and I think I was buried. When I got above the ground the house I had stayed in was abandoned.” His knuckles turned white from how tightly he was gripping his shirt. “I took a few things and I ran. I didn’t want to risk getting caught by her again…”

Shen Jiu took a deep breath. “A-Yuan, what do you mean you woke up buried? What happened before that?”

This time, Shen Yuan didn’t answer. His face was ghostly pale and the boy was choking back sobs. He shook his head back and forth repeatedly. “I don’t wanna– gege I don’t wanna–” Shen Yuan’s face was scrunched up as tears began to resoak his face. 

For what felt like the hundredth time today, Shen Jiu pulled Shen Yuan back into a hug. Should he just continue to hug the boy forever? Letting go just seemed to make things worse. He wouldn’t mind holding onto his didi for the rest of their lives. “It’s okay, you don’t have to.” Shen Jiu had already assumed what had happened. His stomach sank at the thought, his eyes burning as they threatened to produce tears. 

There was a knock on the door, startling both of the brothers. “It’s me again, Shixiong.” Mu Qingfang’s voice sounded through the door. 

Shen Jiu took a few deep breaths to calm himself, putting on a calm demeanor despite his inner turmoil. “Come in.” He called out after giving himself a moment to dry Shen Yuan’s face the best he could. 

Mu Qingfang entered with a few jars in his hands, pausing in his step when he noticed the distressed atmosphere. “Is everything alright?” He asked, placing the jars on a side table that resided next to the tub.

“Shidi, I need you to check something for me.” Shen Jiu said with a hint of urgency in his voice. 

Mu Qingfang quickly made his way over to the bed. “What is it?” His voice was serious.

Shen Jiu adjusted Shen Yuan slightly so he could free one of Shen Yuan’s arms. “I need you to look at his spiritual roots and meridians.” Despite his expression remaining the same, Shen Jiu’s voice shook as he held out Shen Yuan’s wrist. 

Mu Qingfang nodded, taking Shen Yuan’s wrist in his hand. Shen Yuan turned his head slightly so he could watch Mu Qingfang’s expression, only for his heart to drop when Mu Qingfang made the same expression Shen Jiu had when checking earlier. His sobs intensified as fear entered him. “What’s– what’s going on?? Gege, is there– something wrong with me?” He hiccuped. 

Shen Jiu shushed him quietly. “It’s okay, A-Yuan. Breathe for me okay?” He held Shen Yuan’s head against his chest as he locked eyes with Mu Qingfang, his heart racing as he waited for an answer. 

He received the answer he did not want. Mu Qingfang mouthed ‘ Sun-Moon dew’, only making Shen Jiu’s heart drop further.

Shen Jiu took a shuddering breath. “Okay.” He muttered. “A-Yuan, everything’s fine. Listen to gege, okay? You’re okay, nothing’s wrong with you.” He gathered Shen Yuan in his arms and stood up, gently bouncing the boy to calm him. Shen Yuan was much too big for it but in Shen Jiu’s defense, he hadn’t been able to hold his brother like this in so many years. So many. “In fact, you’re very healthy. Your spiritual roots are outstanding and your meridians seem to have neverending Qi. That’s very good, you know?”

Shen Yuan’s sobs had begun to calm down the moment Shen Jiu had started bouncing him. He sniffled as he rubbed his eyes, looking up at his brother. “Really?”

Shen Jiu nodded. “Really. You’re going to be okay. Now, how about that bath, hm? After that, we’ll get you something to eat and then I can take you to our home where you can sleep even more.”

Shen Yuan managed a small smile, his head resting on his brother’s shoulder. “That sounds really nice…” He mumbled.

Shen Jiu rubbed circles on Shen Yuan’s back as he turned back to Mu Qingfang. “Are those disciples coming with the water still?”

Mu Qingfang nodded. “I saw them with the buckets on my way here. They should be here any moment now.”

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door followed shortly by a “Bathwater delivery!”. Shen Jiu sighed a breath of relief as he opened the door. A few Qian Cao disciples stood there with buckets filled with steaming water. “Well? Hurry up!” He snapped as he stepped aside for them to come into the room. 

The disciples hurriedly made their way to the tub without spilling a drop of water and poured the water in. In less than a minute they were in and out with the tub now filled with water. “Ah, I’ll leave you to it. The jars are by the bath, remember to only mix a few pinches of each in.” Mu Qingfang said as he made his way over to the door. “Call for me if you need anything else.” 

Shen Jiu gave him a nod. “I will. Thank you, Shidi.”

Mu Qingfang gave them both a smile before turning to the door and opening it, only to pause. “Zhangmen-Shixiong?” 

Shen Jiu’s attention snapped to the sight of a very disheveled Yue Qingyuan slightly hunched over in their doorway. He was out of breath as he gripped the doorway for support. “Xiao-Jiu… emergency talisman… used… has never used…” His voice was strained as he spoke between pants. “Was… 3 cities away…” 

“Took you long enough.” Shen Jiu’s voice cut through, ice cold. 

Yue Qingyuan stood up straight faster than he could process what he heard. “Xiao—” He began but he locked eyes with someone else instead. As if it were intended to be synchronized, he gasped at the same time as the boy in Shen Jiu’s arms did. “Xiao-Yuan!?”

“Qi-Ge!?”

Chapter Text

Yue Qingyuan thought he would never see Shen Yuan again.

But here the boy was, being held in the arms of Shen Qingqiu. He was still so young. Impossibly young. As in he should be years older. Closer to—

“Qi-Ge!” Shen Yuan had twisted out of Shen Qingqiu’s hold, sprinting at full speed despite the clear injury on his leg. The boy was limping yet he crossed the room in record time. 

Yue Qingyuan hadn’t even realized he’d moved until his knees collided with the floor and Shen Yuan was caught in his arms. “What…?” He mumbled, not knowing how even to begin processing that Shen Yuan was currently in his arms, breathing, heart beating, not de—

“Qi-Ge… I’m sorry…” Shen Yuan’s voice was muffled by how he had his face buried in the crook of Yue Qingyuan’s neck. “I missed you so much…”

It took everything in Yue Qingyuan to not crumble at that moment. He held onto Shen Yuan as if he were his lifeline, as if the boy would disappear if he let go. “Oh, oh Xiao-Yuan. Why are you apologizing?” His voice was hoarse as he spoke. 

“It’s my fault we got separated…” Shen Yuan sniffled, lifting his head. “I didn’t listen to Qi-Ge, I’m sorry.” There were tears in Shen Yuan’s eyes as he looked at him, breaking Yue Qingyuan’s heart into a million pieces.

“Your fault? No, no that’s not right.” Yue Qingyuan cupped Shen Yuan’s face with his hands. “Xiao-Yuan, everything that happened that day is this foolish Qi-Ge’s fault. Not yours.” He could feel his voice cracking as he assured Shen Yuan. The guilt that he had felt all those years ago ravaged through him, refreshing a once-old wound. 

Shen Yuan shook his head, opening his mouth to say more but before he could, Shen Qingqiu cut in. “Listen to him, A-Yuan.” He hissed. “It is his fault. He should have never let you be taken.” 

Yue Qingyuan bit back a wounded noise that threatened to escape at those scalding words. He lowered his hands from Shen Yuan’s face and instead put them in his lap, hanging his head in guilt. Shen Yuan looked aghast at what his brother said as he looked back and forth between him and Qi-Ge. “That’s not fair!” Shen Yuan managed to say after a moment of shock.

Shen Qingqiu took a few steps toward them. “What’s not fair is that I left my didi in his care and when we finally reunite, I find out that he lost him not even a month later!” Shen Qingqiu snapped, furthering the tight feeling in Yue Qingyuan’s chest. “Even now he’s sniveling on the ground on his knees like some pathetic child who deserves to be pitied. Aren’t you the sect leader, Yue Qingyuan!? Stand up!”

Yue Qingyuan stood after he was told to. Shen Yuan looked deeply confused, frantically trying to figure out why his gege was treating Qi-Ge like this. Gege always looked up to Qi-Ge, so what was the tension and hostility between them? Why was he calling him Yue Qingyuan instead of the affectionate nickname that the brothers had given him? What could have changed in the six years that he’d been gone?

Shen Yuan’s expression turned heartbroken at the thought that things had spiraled so badly that his gege and Qi-Ge were no longer close. “That’s not fair!” He weakly insisted again. “How is it Qi-Ge’s fault? He did his best—”

“Xiao-Yuan.” Yue Qingyuan rested his hand on Shen Yuan’s shoulder. When Shen Yuan looked at his expression, he could feel tears welling in his eyes again. Yue Qingyuan looked so… defeated. As if he had accepted the blame long ago, that this was nothing new. 

“His best clearly wasn’t enough!” Shen Qingqiu spat. “Not with how everything turned out!”

“How is that his fault!? He was only a child like you and me!” Mu Qingfang was lucky to have slipped out of the room with the tense and shocked silence that filled the room after Shen Yuan spoke. Tears had begun streaming down Shen Yuan’s face, his fists clenched at his sides as he faced his brother. “Why should any of us be blamed for the stupid actions of the adults around us? None of what happened to us would have happened if it weren’t for those adults. We were all just kids.” Shen Yuan’s voice began cracking near the end of what he was saying, his choked-back sobs being the only thing breaking the silence in the room.

The expressions resting on Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan’s faces weren’t readable to Shen Yuan. The hand that Yue Qingyuan had rested on Shen Yuan’s shoulder moved to his back instead, attempting to be comforting. Shen Qingqiu took another step and leaned forward to use his sleeve to rid Shen Yuan’s face of tears. “Let’s get you in the bath before the water grows cold, okay?” Every ounce of fight that had been in Shen Qingqiu’s voice was now gone. 

Shen Yuan fiddled with his hands. “Qi-Ge stays?”

Shen Qingqiu paused before nodding. “I called him here for you anyway.” 

“Okay.” Shen Yuan took Shen Qingqiu’s hand as he was led to the bath. He sniffled as his brother took the tattered and dirty clothes he had on and lifted him into the tub of warm water. The muscles in Shen Yuan’s body relaxed, the jitters from that mini argument leaving his mind as he focused on how nice the bath felt. It felt even better when his brother put in the contents of the jars that Mu Qingfang had left behind, the throbbing in his leg lessening. 

Shen Qingqiu had tied his sleeves and hair up and sat on the stool that was at the head of the tub. Comb in hand, he pulled Shen Yuan’s hair out of its bun before using a smaller bucket to pour water over his head. Shen Yuan yelped in surprise before giggling as he pushed the wet hair out of his face. “Gege!” 

Shen Qingqiu had the smallest smile on his face. “Didi.” He said in response as he grabbed the shampoo on the table next to the tub. 

The next thing Shen Yuan knew his head was being scrubbed as if he had fleas. He didn’t have fleas, right? Oh no, not lice either right? He shuddered at the thought of having either, pushing it away from his mind as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the shampoo being massaged in. After a few moments, Shen Qingqiu poured another bucket of water over his head to wash out the shampoo. It caused Shen Yuan to giggle again at the sudden attack of water before he spluttered when some of the shampoo water got into his mouth. 

Water was poured over his head a few more times to get the shampoo fully out before Shen Qingqiu reached for the conditioner. He paused, noticing in the corner of his eye how Yue Qingyuan was still standing near the door, watching them wistfully while at the same time appearing as if he didn’t know what to do. He pressed his lips together before letting out a frustrated sigh. “Instead of standing there like an idiot, make yourself useful and help scrub him clean!” He snapped at Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan looked startled but nodded and quickly made his way over to the tub. Pulling up another stool, he sat closer to the middle of the tub so he had better access to Shen Yuan. Shen Qingqiu handed a scrub brush to him along with soap. “Start with his feet.” He told Yue Qingyuan.

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened. “Wait no! I’m ticklish there!”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “Exactly why we should get it over with.” He told Shen Yuan. “That way you don’t have to worry about it at the end of your bath.”

Before Shen Yuan could respond, Yue Qingyuan had already tied his sleeves and hair back and grabbed ahold of Shen Yuan’s feet. Shen Yuan squealed and burst out into laughter as his feet were suddenly attacked by the scrub brush. Shen Qingqiu held him back from flailing around as Shen Yuan desperately tried to pull his feet away. “Qi-Ge!!!” He protested in between his giggles. 

Yue Qingyuan was visibly trying to hold himself back from laughing. “Xiao-Yuan.” He had a smile on his face as he scrubbed relentlessly. 

His feet were finally released after a solid few minutes and Shen Yuan was panting from how much he had laughed. Even Shen Qingqiu had a very amused smile on his face. “Get the rest of him while I do his hair.” Shen Qingqiu told Yue Qingyuan as he let go of Shen Yuan and started working on conditioning and combing the knots out of Shen Yuan’s hair. 

A few moments of blissful silence passed before Shen Yuan couldn’t handle not talking. He had so many questions! He leaned forward a bit, despite his brother's protests, so he could talk to Yue Qingyuan. “Qi-ge Qi-ge, are you really the sect leader?” He asked curiously

Yue Qingyuan paused in his scrubbing for a few moments before he resumed while nodding. “Yes, I am.”

“Wooooahh.” Shen Yuan’s eyes were wide and sparkling. “That’s so cool! Qi-Ge’s sect leader… is it difficult? To be sect leader?”

Yue Qingyuan smiled softly at Shen Yuan. “Sometimes, yes. It is a lot of work but I have the help and support from all of the sect. The other peak lords and the disciples of the mountain alike.”

Shen Yuan broke out into a bright smile. “Of course you do… everyone loves Qi-Ge!” He said while nodding, thinking of how even the other kids on the streets would admire Yue Qingyuan. He also remembered if any of them dared call him Qi-Ge in front of his brother… it wouldn’t really end well. 

Shen Qingqiu snorted softly before he pinned Shen Yuan’s hair up. “There, no more knots.” He told Shen Yuan while pinching his cheek. 

Shen Yuan swatted Shen Qingqiu’s hand away while giggling. “Thank you gege!” He chirped. “Gege gege! What do you do in the sect?” He asked eagerly.

Shen Qingqiu crossed his arms. “Oh, so you finally ask?” He teased, causing Shen Yuan to pout. “I’m Qing Jing’s peak lord.” He finally told Shen Yuan after pinching his cheek again.

Shen Yuan let out a soft gasp. “Woaaahh!!! Gege is so cool!” He exclaimed, practically bursting with excitement. “Both gege and Qi-Ge are so cool… I’m so happy.” His brother and Yue Qingyuan were safe and well off, of course Shen Yuan was happy! It’s everything he could’ve wished for them. Well, of course he wishes for more. Like to be with them while safe and well off. Along with their relationship repaired but he’ll have to work on that! He’ll figure out what’s going on and crack down on it. Hopefully…

There was a knock on the door, causing all of their attentions to go to the source. Shen Qingqiu sighed, getting up and pulling a privacy screen over so no one but him and Yue Qingyuan could see Shen Yuan in the bath. “Get his back while I answer the door.” He instructed Yue Qingyuan before going over to the door. 

Yue Qingyuan nodded as he moved to where Shen Qingqiu was sitting. As his back got scrubbed, Shen Yuan eagerly tried to listen to who it was at the door. He perked up when he realized that it was Mu Qingfang! “Mu-ge…” He mumbled as he tried to peek past the privacy screen. 

“Thank you. If you see Shang-shidi, send him this way. I need him to order a few things for A-Yuan. Plus renovations for the bamboo house need to be started.” Shen Qingqiu said.

“I will, shixiong. I believe I just saw him when I passed the waiting room, so after I treat whatever injury he has, I’ll send him your way.” Mu Qingfang responded warmly.

There was the sound of retreating footsteps and the door closing before Shen Qingqiu appeared again with clothes in hand. “You’ll wear these until we can get you a proper set of robes.” The robes that Shen Qingqiu had in hand were a simple white and gray color, likely what the patients wore while staying at Qian Cao. Shen Yuan didn’t need to feel them to know that they were made of much nicer material than he’d ever touched before. 

Shen Yuan nodded eagerly, eyeing the robes like they were gold. He didn’t think that even the robes he wore at Madam Xia’s were this nice! Did all of the patients get robes like this? Just how rich was this sect?

Shen Qingqiu set the robes down on the vanity and pulled out a few towels, putting them on the table next to the tub. He grabbed a small towel, dipping it in the hot water before wringing it out and starting to wipe Shen Yuan’s face down. Shen Yuan felt himself cringe at how fast the towel got soiled from the amount of dirt on his face. At least it was gone now. It also made him realize how the water had turned a brownish color. When had it done that?

“Have you scrubbed all of him yet?” Shen Qingqiu asked Yue Qingyuan, who nodded. “Good. Lift him out then.” Shen Qingqiu grabbed a larger towel that looked like it could swallow Shen Yuan whole. He shuddered from the sudden attack of cold air when he was lifted but he didn’t have to worry for long, Shen Qingqiu quickly wrapped him up in the towel within seconds. 

Once he was set on his feet, Shen Qingqiu made sure Shen Yuan was completely dry with the towel before retrieving the robes he’d put down before. He helped Shen Yuan in putting them on before he led him over to the vanity, sitting him down on the chair and unpinning his hair. Shen Yuan shifted a bit in his seat, getting more comfortable as his brother combed through his hair and started rubbing oils into it.

Yue Qingyuan was off to the side again, not looking sure as to what he should do again. Shen Qingqiu sighed and waved the man over, handing him a small kit that held a nail clipper, nail file, and something to get under the nails along with a few other nail-care items. “Clean his nails up.” Shen Qingqiu instructed as he got back to work on Shen Yuan’s hair. 

Yue Qingyuan nodded, a small smile on his face as he took Shen Yuan’s hands in his own. “Can you leave them sharp, please?” Shen Yuan requested in a small voice before Yue Qingyuan could begin filing. 

He looked slightly caught off guard, but Yue Qingyuan nodded regardless. “Of course, Xiao-Yuan.” He assured, glancing behind Shen Yuan at Shen Qingqiu. Shen Yuan could see in the mirror before him that Shen Qingqiu had his eyebrows furrowed as his hands had stopped momentarily.

“A-Yuan,” Shen Qingqiu began carefully. “You won’t need sharp nails, You’re safe here.”

Shen Yuan stared at the ground. “You never know.” He mumbled. 

Yue Qingyuan gently squeezed Shen Yuan’s hands in a comforting manner while Shen Qingqiu placed a kiss on the top of his head. Shen Yuan didn’t dare look up to see their expressions. 

A silence that wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, but not comfortable, settled over them. Shen Yuan simply closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of his brother's hands in his hair and Yue Qingyuan working on his nails. He was going to be okay. As long as he had his gege and qi-ge, everything would be okay. 

+++

Shang Qinghua hated his job.

Both of his jobs to be precise. He had just come back from a mission that Mobei-jun requested (demanded) he do that just happened to take place in the northern desert. And guess what he got? Frostbite! His king not so kindly made him go into a cave for some berries that he couldn’t even remember the name of and just his luck, the cave got flooded with snow after he’d gone in! 

So here he was, on Qian Cao, being treated for frostbite for god knows how many times now. 

Shang Qinghua really did like Mu Qingfang. He really did! Mu Qingfang was possibly his favorite shidi. But asking him to go to Shen Qingqiu’s room not even 5 seconds after treating him!? Come on shidi, can he have a second to recover before he has to act as a peak lord again!?

So now, he was in front of Shen Qingqiu’s door. Why was Shen Qingqiu even on Qian Cao? It didn’t sound like he had a Qi deviation based on the way Mu Qingfang asked. Wasn’t today disciple selections? He was pretty sure Luo Binghe was supposed to arrive today! What didn’t help was that his system up and turned to shit all of a sudden! Barely a shichen ago, it broke out into a horrendous sound displaying error screens all over. It said something about going into a processing mode? And that there was a major plot deviation!! But Shang Qinghua didn’t even do anything that would warrant such a thing!

And he was right. He didn’t warrant it. Shang Qinghua knocked on the door, announcing that it was him before he was promptly told to go in by Shen Qingqiu’s voice. It took everything in him to not scream at the sight before him. 

There was a miniature version of Shen Qingqiu being pampered by THE scum villain and Yue Qingyuan. Shen Qingqiu had his sleeves and hair tied back and everything as he worked on this 10-year-old-looking child’s hair! And— and the fucking sect leader was cleaning his nails!? Shang Qinghua felt like he was going to have an aneurysm.

This kid was a walking plot deviation— major plot deviation!!!! The sight of the scum villain acting so caring towards another human being sent shivers down his spine. OOC!!!! Can he send a complaint somewhere!?

“S-Shixiong, Mu-Shidi said you requested me?” Shang Qinghua finally managed to stutter out as Shen Qingqiu swiftly braided the child’s hair. 

Shen Qingqiu hummed in response before rising to his feet. “Yes, I need renovations done to the bamboo house and orders for other things.” He said with a wave of his hand. 

In this time, the child had turned and began staring at Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua attempted to not squirm under the gaze of the kid but it was just so unsettling!! The kid is practically a mini Shen Qingqiu, the only thing missing is the scrutinizing look in his eyes and the permanent scowl! He nodded along, pulling out a notepad as he tore his gaze away from the kid just to meet a glare from Shen Qingqiu. Embarrassingly enough, he let out a squeak of fear. How could he not be scared shitless!? The scum villain could filet him in seconds!! 

Shen Qingqiu let out a snort at Shang Qinghua’s stupidity before gesturing for the child to get up. “A-Yuan, introduce yourself.” He instructed.

The kid’s cheeks grew pink in a matter of seconds before he managed to get onto his feet. “U-Uhm…” He shuffled slightly behind Shen Qingqiu as he played with his hands. “Hi… I’m Shen Yuan…” The boy said shyly. 

Oh. The kid was actually adorable. Shang Qinghua could feel a slight squeeze in his heart at the sight! Wait. Shen? Wait, he needs to introduce himself! “Oh! Hello, I’m Shang Qinghua. I’m An Ding Peaks peak lord.” He introduced, pairing it with a bow. 

When Shang Qinghua looked up, he saw Shen Yuan mimicking his bow! It was clumsy but cute nonetheless. Oh, Shang Qinghua’s heart was just going to explode! In a positive way!

“He’s my younger brother.” Shen Qingqiu said.

Shang Qinghua’s heart was going to explode! In a negative way! 

Plot deviation hello!?!?! System!?!?!? Shen Qingqiu was NOT supposed to have a brother!??!!? System come back!?!?! Stop displaying error images!!!! Shang Qinghua KNOWS there’s a major plot deviation because it’s right in front of him!!!!!!

Shang Qinghua was about 80% sure he hadn’t done anything to cause this plot deviation!!! He thinks… But if he didn’t cause it, there was only one more explanation! There had to be another transmigrator somewhere! Could… could the kid be the transmigrator? It still didn’t make sense!! Where did the kid come from!? He never wrote Shen Qingqiu to have a little brother… did he? If only he could remember all of the drafts he had to scrap!

“Oh!” Shang Qinghua managed. “Shixiong never mentioned having a brother before!”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrowed. “No one bothered to ask.” He retorted before waving his hand dismissively. “He needs new robes, Qing Jing ones, I have a specific design in mind.” He said as he pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Shang Qinghua. 

Well… Shen Qingqiu did have a point there. None of the peak lords did ask about his past. Of course, Shang Qinghua already knew about it. Only because he wrote the damn past! Well, now that this kid was here he wasn’t actually sure if the past was the same… Shang Qinghua nodded. “I’ll just need his measurements.” He said as he unfolded the paper, looking at the design that Shen Qingqiu had drawn himself.

Shen Qingqiu hummed before digging through his sleeves and pulling out a tape measure. “Lift your arms.” He instructed Shen Yuan, who quickly did what he was told. 

Shang Qinghua scrambled to write down the measurements as Shen Qingqiu simply began saying them aloud. Shen Yuan was giggling a little as he was being measured around the waist since Shen Qingqiu started poking him. It was… a cute sight. Who knew the scum villain could be soft like this!

“Get the robes made slightly larger than what his measurements are. He’s going to grow into them fast.” Shen Qingqiu instructed Shang Qinghua after finishing the measurements. He pressed a kiss on Shen Yuan’s temple before motioning for him to sit back down. “Now for the bamboo house, I need the side room to be made into a larger proper room for him. Get him the same bed that I have along with…” Shen Qingqiu started listing off things to add to the new room, barely giving Shang Qinghua time to keep up. By the time he finished, Shang Qinghua’s hand was cramping.

“Is there anything else you need Shixiong?” Shang Qinghua asked weakly.

Shen Qingqiu paused before shaking his head. “No, that’s all.” He said. “You can leave now.”

“Actually,” Yue Qingyuan finally spoke up, rising to his feet. “Xiao— Qingqiu-Shidi, is it alright if Shang-Shidi watches over Xiao-Yuan for a moment? I wish to speak to you briefly, out of Xiao-Yuan’s hearing.” 

Shen Qingqiu looked slightly caught off guard by the request. He narrowed his eyes before slowly nodding. “Fine. If anything happens to him while we’re gone, you can say goodbye to your life.” He told Shang Qinghua before resting a hand on top of Shen Yuan’s head. “We’ll be right outside, okay didi? If anything happens, scream.” He kissed Shen Yuan’s forehead before following Yue Qingyuan out the door, leaving Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan alone.

Well, they didn’t even give Shang Qinghua the option to decline!! Rude!!! What if he didn’t want to look after this kid!? Even though he was quite adorable… was it worth putting his life on the line if something happened to the kid?!?!

He was taken out of his thoughts when he felt a tug on his sleeve. “Uhm… Hua-ge?” Shen Yuan paused, his cheeks turning warm. “Is it okay if I call you that?”

There was the squeezing feeling in his chest again! Shang Qinghua didn’t have the heart to say no. It was a cute nickname anyway! “Of course you can.” Shang Qinghua said warmly, not being able to resist patting Shen Yuan on the head. 

Shen Yuan’s face lit up, a smile spreading on his face. “Okay!” He said excitedly. “Hua-ge, Hua–ge, you’re a peak lord, right? Like Gege!”

Shang Qinghua smiled while nodding. “I am. I run An Ding Peak while your brother runs Qing Jing.” 

Shen Yuan made an ooooo sound while nodding. “Is it fun? Being peak lord I mean.”

Shang Qinghua grimaced. “Not for me, it’s not. It’s a whooole lot of work and can be stressful at times.” He explained. “But you don’t have to worry about that. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself? Did you only arrive just today?”

Shen Yuan nodded. “I did the disciple selection thingy. I wanted to join ‘cus I wanted to have the resources to find my Gege and Qi-ge.” He explained. “It was surprising to find out they were already here! I’m really happy...”

The two had sat down on the bed at this point. “Oh? Did you guys get separated?”

“Yeah…” Shen Yuan frowned. “Mean adults separated us. They took Gege and then a mean lady took me. I haven’t had the chance to ask Qi-ge what happened to him after I was taken…”

Shang Qinghua raised an eyebrow. “How long ago was this?” He asked. 

“Uhm… I think six years but I’m not sure now. I asked Gege if my math was right and he said yes but I don’t believe him.” Shen Yuan huffed, looking at the door with a pout. “I think he lied.”

“Six years?” Shang Qinghua echoed. “Yuan-er, how old was your Gege when you were separated?”

Shen Yuan looked up at Shang Qinghua curiously. “Uhm… I think he was close to how old I am now… I’m 10. Uhm… I think he was 12? I dunno, I was 4 when it happened.”

Shang Qinghua went quiet, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. “I think… I think you should ask him how long it’s been.” He said carefully. 

“Why?” Shen Yuan asked, a worried look on his face. “Is my math really wrong?”

“It… it doesn’t sound right. You should ask him, I believe it’s been much longer than that.”

Without another word, Shen Yuan hopped off of the bed. He hurriedly made his way to the door while ignoring the pain in his leg. What did Shang Qinghua mean by much longer? How could it be much longer than six years? Shen Yuan was almost certain that he’d done his math right. Maybe the years had blended together and he miscounted? 

Despite Shang Qinghua calling for him, Shen Yuan reached and opened the door. He ran out, frantically looking down both ends of the hallway before his eyes locked on his brother and Yue Qingyuan. “A-Yuan?” He heard his brother's surprised voice as he rushed toward them.

“Gege,” He latched onto the front of Shen Qingqiu’s robes, looking up at him. “Gege how many years has it actually been? Was my math really wrong?” He asked with tears in his eyes.

“What? No no, A-Yuan your math was right.” Shen Qingqiu knelt on the ground so he was face to face with Shen Yuan. “What brought this up? Did Shang Qinghua say something wrong?” 

Shen Yuan shook his head. “You’re lying Gege. It hasn’t been 6 years, has it? How many has it been? Please, Gege.” His vision grew blurry as his stress levels grew. 

Shen Qingqiu’s face shifted, proving Shen Yuan right. “Didi… you’re right. It’s been 6 years for you.”

“For me? Not for you and Qi-Ge?” His voice was small as Shen Qingqiu wiped away the tears streaming down his face. 

Shen Qingqiu’s face cracked into a sorrowful expression as he shook his head. He looked away at Yue Qingyuan before looking back at Shen Yuan. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “A-Yuan,” He pressed his lips together. “We haven’t seen you in twenty years.”

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan had gone into an unresponsive state, only slightly shaking his head as he backed away. It only took moments for him to suddenly burst into tears, his brother hurriedly lifting him into his arms as Shen Yuan's body began to shake violently with the force of his cries. 

Shang Qinghua had come out of the room the moment he heard the cries only for Shen Qingqiu to rush past him to get back to the room. Ignoring both Shang Qinghua and Yue Qingyuan, Shen Qingqiu nearly slammed the door in their faces. The sounds of Shen Yuan’s cries went quiet, indicating that Shen Qingqiu had put up silencing talismans. 

It took Shen Qingqiu nearly half a shichen to calm his little brother down. He held the sniffling boy in his arms, whispering comforting words to him as Shen Yuan eventually closed his eyes and passed out from sheer exhaustion. He held his precious didi close to his chest, wishing he had been able to tell him the truth at a finer time. He couldn’t help but stare off into the distance, mindlessly stroking Shen Yuan’s head as he attempted to mentally figure out a plan for the next few days. 

After some time, he figured he’d stay with Shen Yuan at Qian Cao while the bamboo house was being renovated. It would be a perfect way to keep a close eye on Shen Yuan’s health as well. Once he got Shen Yuan settled into the bamboo house, Shen Qingqiu decided he’d teach his brother himself before he dropped the boy into the classes at Qing Jing. That is if Shen Yuan wanted to. He’d have to ask. 

He would also need to obtain more food for the bamboo house. Being immortal meant he didn’t have to eat often, but Shen Yuan would need to eat multiple meals each day. Shen Qingqiu did think of sending him to the dining hall but he figured that would be too overwhelming for his brother for the first couple of weeks. He would have to gradually introduce Shen Yuan to everything on the peak, not all at once lest he freak out his brother with so much information. Meeting the disciples would have to wait as well. Maybe Ning Yingying and Ming Fan should be the first ones he introduces to him… 

A knock on the door brought Shen Qingqiu back to reality. The door cracked open and Mu Qingfang’s voice was quietly heard. “Shen-shixiong, it’s me. I’m just dropping off for you and the little one.”

“Come in.” Shen Qingqiu instructed as he subconsciously brought his brother closer to his chest. The boy mumbled in his sleep, curling in on himself as he sighed.

Mu Qingfang stepped into the room, swiftly making his way to the side table that remained next to the bed. He set down two bowls of plain chicken congee on the table before he turned to Shen Qingqiu. “Shixiong, you should get some rest while the little one does.” He advised. “There are warming talismans on the bowls so the food will remain hot for when you two wake.”

Shen Qingqiu was about to refuse when his exhaustion hit him. He sighed. “Very well, this one will take Mu-Shidi’s advice.”

Mu Qingfang smiled warmly. “Would Shixiong like for me to fetch an extra blanket?”

“That would be great, thank you.” Shen Qingqiu replied while nodding. 

Once Mu Qingfang retrieved the extra blanket for the brothers, he left the room while saying he’d make sure no one would disturb them for the next two shichen. Shen Qingqiu let out a sigh of relief, extracting the crown from his hair and carefully taking his outer robes off while trying not to disturb Shen Yuan’s rest. He laid down beside his brother, pulling him close while tugging the blankets over them.

He held onto his brother securely, as if the boy would disappear if he didn’t. He wouldn’t leave Shen Yuan alone ever again, even in death. This was his second chance to protect his didi. He wouldn’t waste it. 

+++

The construction of the bamboo house was finished within less than 3 days, allowing Shen Qingqiu to take Shen Yuan to his new home quickly. The boy had been ecstatic when he had found out he now had his very own home with his own room. Shen Qingqiu had enjoyed watching Shen Yuan explore the house with big round sparkly eyes.

Shen Yuan settled into the bamboo house quite fast, his room already a mess from how excited he had been when he saw all the items inside. The robes that Shen Qingqiu had designed for his little brother had shown up only a day after they had returned to the bamboo house, another thing that Shen Yuan was overjoyed about.

“Gege, they’re almost just like your robes!” Shen Yuan said excitedly, spinning around in his new outfit. The robes did hold quite a large amount of similarity to Shen Qingqiu’s. It was the same design and colors, the main differences being that the sleeves and skirt of the robes weren’t quite as long as Shen Qingqiu’s. They were also made of a lighter material since Shen Yuan was still quite small and weak, unable to support himself under the same heavy material that Shen Qingqiu preferred. “We match!!!”

Shen Qingqiu smiled as he watched as Shen Yuan twirled around a few more times before dizzily crashing into Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu easily caught him in his arms, lifting him with ease as he peppered kisses on his brother's face, the boy giggling as he squirmed. “A-Yuan, how would you like a tour of the peak today?” Shen Qingqiu inquired. 

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up. “Can we!? Gege gege, I wanna see it all!”

Shen Qingqiu let out a huff of laughter. ‘Alright alright, get your boots on then.” He instructed as he put Shen Yuan back onto his feet. 

The boy practically left a cloud of dust with how fast he sprinted to where his boots were. Once his boots were on, he rushed back over to his brother and tugged on his hand. “Let’s go, let’s go!” Shen Yuan exclaimed, attempting to drag Shen Qingqiu toward the door. 

“Hold on!” Shen Qingqiu admonished, bending over slightly to fix Shen Yuan’s messy hair. He smoothed down a few hairs that had come out of the braid that Shen Yuan’s hair was in, tied with a tattered ribbon that the boy had insisted be used despite refusing to tell Shen Qingqiu why. Once Shen Yuan’s appearance was more proper, Shen Qingqiu straightened his posture. “There, now we can go.” He said while opening the door for Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan bounded out of the bamboo house in an instant, almost making it to the end of the path before turning back around and sprinting back to his brother’s side, sticking to his side like glue. His eyes were wide with excitement as Shen Qingqiu led them away from the bamboo house. “The disciples should all be in classes right now, so we will not be disturbed until their lunch bell.” Shen Qingqiu told Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan nodded eagerly. “Okay, gege.” 

Shen Qingqiu first showed him where the disciple dorms were since they were closest to the bamboo house. He then showed him the training grounds and dining hall that Shen Yuan would eventually use once he joined in on the disciple training. 

Their next destination was the building that held the disciple's teachings like calligraphy lessons and such. As they passed by, Shen Yuan clung tighter to Shen Qingqiu, looking at all of the kids inside through the windows. He squeaked when a few met his gaze, hurriedly switching which side of Shen Qingqiu was on so they couldn’t see him anymore. Shen Qingqiu said nothing, only resting his hand on the boy's arm to keep him close.

Their final destination was Qing Jing’s library, which Shen Yuan nearly screamed at the sight of. It was the first time during the tour that Shen Yuan had unstuck himself from his brother's side and bolted toward the building. “Gege gege! Can we go in? Pleeeasssseee!!!” Shen Yuan begged. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “I suppose. But you must be quiet while inside so as to not disturb others.”

Shen Yuan nodded eagerly, making a motion that looked like he was buttoning his lips closed before grabbing onto Shen Qingqiu again as they walked into the building. He was practically bouncing in place as the librarian greeted the two brothers, restraining himself as he looked at all the books in awe. “So many books…” He whispered.

Shen Qingqiu looked down at Shen Yuan, a warm look in his eyes. “Do you have anything in mind that you would like to read?”

“Uhm…” Shen Yuan shuffled his feet nervously. “Do you think they have stuff about beasts?”

“Beasts?” Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow, not expecting his brother to be interested in beasts. “Of course we do, a whole section.” He told the boy, leading him through the library and to an area that held a full bookshelf of books on beasts.

Shen Yuan let out a gasp, letting go of his brother and rushing forward while he looked at the books with an agape mouth and wide eyes. He had his hands up to his face as he struggled to find a place to begin. There were just so many books! How was he meant to choose just one?

“Which kind is didi most interested in? Demonic beasts? Spiritual?” Shen Qingqiu questioned, determined to find one that Shen Yuan would be happy with.

Shen Yuan looked as if he were going to explode into pieces any moment. “Uhm… maybe we can start with spiritual ones?” 

With a nod, Shen Qingqiu approached the shelf and pulled out a few books. He set them on a table nearby and sat down, motioning for Shen Yuan to sit next to him. The boy nearly tripped over himself before he sat down, sitting as close as he could so he could be under Shen Qingqiu’s arm. “Does A-Yuan know how to read?” Shen Qingqiu asked, wrapping his arm around his brother. 

Shen Yuan nodded slightly. “A little. Not the complicated stuff, though.” He huffed. “But, uhm…” He played with his hands nervously. “Could gege read to me? I uhm…” Shen Yuan’s face turned pink as he tried to come up with a valid reason. 

Shen Qingqiu patted the top of his brother's head. “Of course. This master would be happy to read to you.” He told Shen Yuan earnestly. 

Shen Yuan giggled at the use of ‘this master’. “Gege is so awesome now…” 

Shen Qingqiu gasped in mock offense while raising an eyebrow. “Is didi implying this one wasn’t ‘awesome’ before?” 

Shen Yuan giggled more. “No!! Gege was awesome before! Gege is just… awesomer now!” 

“Awesomer isn’t a word, A-Yuan.”

“Whatever!” Shen Yuan huffed. “Read gege, read!” 

With a roll of his eyes, Shen Qingqiu opened one of the books he’d gotten and began to read aloud to Shen Yuan. 

+++

By the time the lunch bell had rung, Shen Yuan had moved to sit on Shen Qingqiu’s lap. His eyes were droopy as he yawned, startled to be more awake when the bell rang. He felt Shen Qingqiu stroking his head, causing his drowsiness to increase. “Let’s get you fed, then we’ll return to the bamboo house so you can rest.” Shen Qingqiu told his brother.

Shen Yuan nodded, getting to his feet as Shen Qingqiu did, and followed his brother to check the books out to bring them home. His face scrunched as they left the building, greeted by blinding sunshine. Shen Yuan clung to Shen Qingqiu tightly, as sticky as glue, not daring to let go as they walked. “Gege, it’s too bright!” He huffed. 

Shen Qingqiu snorted in amusement before using his sleeve to shield Shen Yuan from the sun. “Your eyes will adjust in a moment.” He assured the boy. 

Sure enough, Shen Yuan’s eyes adjusted in a short amount of time and Shen Qingqiu no longer needed to shield him. The boy looked around curiously at all the disciples walking around, they’d just gotten out of their classes so they could get their fill of lunch. Would he one day join in on their studies? His brother had offered to enroll him once he was ready, but he wasn’t sure when that would be. He was interested in becoming a cultivator! After all, he did tell his brother and Qi-ge that he would become the greatest cultivator so they could live comfortably… but how was he supposed to do that when they were already the greatest cultivators!? They beat him to it!!!

“What are you pouting about?” Shen Qingqiu’s voice broke Shen Yuan out of his thoughts.

He looked up at his brother, continuing to pout. “I was supposed to become the awesomest cultivator… but gege and Qi-ge beat me to it!” He huffed. 

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened slightly. “I didn’t know you still remembered that.” He admitted, an amused smile coming onto his face.

Shen Yuan sighed. “I was gonna make it so you and Qi-ge could live comfortably… but I couldn’t.”

Shen Qingqiu patted the boy's head. “That’s hardly your fault.” He gently squeezed Shen Yuan. “It was out of your control. Why don’t you let us let you live comfortably?”

“Mkay…” Shen Yuan mumbled, leaning into Shen Qingqiu. “Can I still become a super awesome cultivator like you though?” He looked up at Shen Qingqiu with big eyes, a spark of curiosity in them.

“Of course you can, baobei.” Shen Qingqiu spoke softly, gently pinching one of Shen Yuan’s cheeks.

Shen Yuan giggled before looking back at the path before them. “Cool!”

The brothers walked for only moments longer when suddenly a girl's voice broke into their peace. “Shizun!!!!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed, turning to see the sight of Ning Yingying. “Ying-er.” He greeted the young girl. 

Shen Yuan peaked curiously over Shen Qingqiu’s arm. He remembered the girl from the disciple selections– she was the one who threw him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes!

Ning Yingying was racing over to them, a boy running alongside her. Her eyes lit up when she caught sight of Shen Yuan, a squeal immediately escaping her. “Oh, he looks just like a mini-shizun!!!”

Shen Yuan’s face flushed red and he attempted to hide further behind his brother. “Do I really?” He asked.

“It’s like you’re a double of him!” Ning Yingying said while grinning. 

Abruptly, Shen yuan had been pushed in front of Shen Qingqiu! The betrayal was sudden, and his eyes went wide as he tried to return to hiding, but Shen Qingqiu’s hand holding him in place wouldn’t budge soon. “Stop being shy, introduce yourself.”

“Gege!” Shen Yuan protested before facing the two disciples. He did his best not to pass out on the spot as he pushed back his anxiety. “U-Uhm… hi…”

Ning Yingying smiled wide. “If it makes it easier, I’ll introduce myself first! I’m Ning Yingying, you can call me A-Ying, Ying-er, Yingying, Shijie, or whatever nickname you can come up with!” She said brightly before turning to the boy next to her. “Now introduce yourself!”

The boy huffed. “I’m Ming Fan.” He said bluntly. Or if listened to closely, awkward.

“Everyone calls him Da-Shixiong!” Ning Yingying chimed in. “He’s the head disciple of Qing Jing.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes sparkled a little as he looked at Ming Fan before he shuffled his feet and looked at the ground. “Uhm… I’m Shen Yuan. Most people call me A-Yuan though… I don’t really have any nicknames other than baobei. But only Gege and Qi-ge can call me that.”

Ning Yingying nodded. “Hmm.. is it okay if I try and come up with a nickname for you?” 

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened slightly and his cheeks had a hint of red to them. “Oh, sure…” He said while nodding.

Ning Yingying’s smile brightened. “Yay! Okay, let’s think…” She hummed. 

Beside her, Ming Fan looked like he had just drunk 50 gallons of vinegar as she thought hard and long about what nickname to give Shen Yuan. 

“Let’s see… what about Yuanyuan?!” She softly gasped. “We can match! Yingying, Yuanyuan, do you like it?” 

Shen Yuan giggled. “I do!” He exclaimed, bouncing on his feet, not seeing how Ming Fan looked as if he drank 50 more gallons of vinegar. 

“Yay!!” She squealed, lifting Shen Yuan into a tight hug, causing Shen Yuan to laugh more. 

A snort came from Shen Qingqiu. “Alright, that’s enough. You two need to go eat and so does A-Yuan.” He told them, visibly fighting back against his lips trying to tug into a smile. 

“Aww okay, Shizun.” Ning Yingying pouted, putting Shen Yuan down. “We’ll see you later then, Yuanyuan. Find me if you ever need me!” She ruffled Shen Yuan’s hair before waving goodbye and dragging Ming Fan toward the dining hall. 

Shen Yuan waved goodbye as well before returning to his usual place of being glued to Shen Qingqiu’s side. “Gege, what’re we gonna eat?” He asked, looking up at his brother.

Shen Qingqiu patted his head. “Something that you won’t be scarfing down then throwing up like you did yesterday.”

Shen Yuan’s face turned pink from embarrassment. “That was an accident!” He insisted. 

“Exactly why it won’t repeated, right?” Shen Qingqiu hummed.

Shen Yuan huffed. “Yeah…”

+++

Shen Yuan sat on a stool in his inner robes as his brother combed through his damp hair. He’d just taken a bath and was getting ready for bed. Shen Qingqiu was still fully dressed though, claiming he’d get ready for bed once Shen Yuan was asleep. He was half asleep as Shen Qingqiu got to braiding his hair when there was a knocking at the door, causing energy to surge through Shen Yuan. “I’ll get it!!” He said as he leaped off the stool and sprinted toward the door before Shen Qingqiu could catch him.

“Wait! Don’t answer the door in just your inner robes!” Shen Qingqiu exclaimed.

But it was too late, Shen Yuan had opened the door already. “Uuwooahh…” He stared up at the person who had knocked on the door. The man was wearing white and silver robes, with the most beautiful face Shen Yuan thinks he’s ever seen. He thought Mu Qingfang was pretty, but this guy? This guy had to be blessed by the heavens themselves!

Shen Yuan was ripped out of his thoughts when he suddenly had an outer robe on his head and was swept up, swiftly hidden behind the door out of sight. “Liu Qingge.” Shen Qingqiu greeted unpleasantly.

“Shen Qingqiu.” Liu Qingge greeted back.

Shen Yuan rushed to get the outer robe off of his head and on before he hurriedly hid behind Shen Qingqiu, poking his head out so he could see Liu Qingge. Shen Qingqiu rested a hand on top of Shen Yuan’s head. “What is the purpose of your visit this late?” Shen Qingqiu questioned Liu Qingge.

Liu Qingge dipped his head in apology. “I meant to bring this earlier, but got delayed by something.” He explained as he pulled something out before handing it to Shen Qingqiu. It was a fan.

There was a mildly surprised expression on Shen Qingqiu’s face as he took the fan, examining it closely. “..How? This was broken was it not?” He recalled the fan that he had brought to the disciple selections, only for it to break and be dropped to the ground when he’d seen Shen Yuan. 

“Mingyan referred me to someone who could fix it.” Liu Qingge said before taking a breath. “I wanted to apologize. For the things said at the selections. The things that I said were unwarranted and not right to say.” 

To say Shen Qingqiu was bewildered was an understatement. He was on the verge of shaking the man down and asking where the real Liu Qingge was! Shen Qingqiu’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he struggled to find the words to respond. “I wasn’t aware you had the ability to recognize your wrongdoings.” 

Liu Qingge huffed. “Oh, I also have something for your didi.” He suddenly remembered. Shen Yuan perked up behind Shen Qingqiu as Liu Qingge pulled another fan that was slightly smaller than Shen Qingqiu’s. “I wasn’t sure what he would like, but when Mingyan was his age she always wanted to copy or match me.” He explained as he held it out for Shen Yuan to take.

With wide and sparkling eyes, Shen Yuan reached and grabbed the fan, opening it excitedly. “Gege, gege we match!” He looked up at Shen Qginqiu with a bright smile. 

Shen Qingqiu’s expression uncontrollably softened as he saw how happy Shen Yuan was. “What do you say, hm?” He gently pinched Shen Yuan’s cheek.

Shen Yuan giggled before looking up at Liu Qingge. “Thank you!!” 

“Off with you now, you need to sleep.” Shen Qingqiu shooed Shen Yuan off. 

“I won’t be a bother any longer.” Liu Qingge said. “Goodnight.” He turned, walking away from the bamboo house. 

“Is he sick? His face looked a little red.” Shen Yuan asked Shen Qingqiu curiously.

“What nonsense are you saying? Stop trying to get out of going to bed, go now!” Shen Qingqiu closed the door and ushered a complaining Shen Yuan to his room. 

+++

After a short time, Shen Qingqiu managed to get Shen Yuan to settle down and sleep. It was difficult with how Liu Qingge’s visit got him energized, but after he drank some calming tea he was finally able to be tucked into bed. 

While Shen Yuan slept, Shen Qingqiu decided to finish grading some of the disciples’ classwork. His mind eventually drifted off, his gaze straying from the papers and to Shen Yuan’s bedroom door. He couldn’t stop thinking of what could have happened to his brother. The plant body– he hadn’t heard of any way other than death as a way for one’s soul to be transferred over. He could only hope that it was only a lack of records and that Shen Yuan didn’t have to suffer to have his new body.

It was wishful thinking, Shen Qingqiu knew. But the thought of his didi going through something so painful– it filled him with an indescribable feeling. Anguish, sorrow– anger.

Shen Qingqiu was startled away from his thoughts when he heard the sounds of sheets and blankets being tussled around. It had barely been a shichen, why was Shen Yuan already awake?

He rose from his desk, standing in place for a moment before he decided to check in on Shen Yuan. As he grew closer, he realized that along with the rustling, there were also quiet sounds of distress. His walking grew hurried as he pushed the door open, his heart rate quickening as panic itched inside his skin.

Shen Yuan was still in bed but the once tidy bedding was now halfway off the bed as he tossed and turned, heavily panting. Shen Yuan’s face was scrunched up with tears as he cried out in his sleep and his arms flailing, trying to fight something that wasn’t there.

Shen Qingqiu rushed to the bed, trying to shake his brother awake. “A-Yuan! A-Yuan, wake up!” Shen Yuan squirmed under his grasp but didn’t wake. “Baobei, it’s just a nightmare, you need to wake up!” 

“No… no please!” Shen Yuan cried in his sleep. “I don’t wanna, please! I’m sorry!” He sobbed, clawing at Shen Qingqiu’s arms.

Despite how much Shen Yuan was thrashing, Shen Qingqiu still attempted to pull his brother into his arms. His face was paled with panic, he didn’t know what to do. He could only try and cradle the boy over and over.

It didn’t take much longer for Shen Yuan to wake, a scream and cry tearing from his throat. His grip on Shen Qingqiu’s arm was tight enough to nearly cut off circulation. 

The way Shen Yuan sobbed “I don’t want to die!” over and over in that moment would haunt Shen Qingqiu. He pulled Shen Yuan into a firm hold, trying to quiet him down by murmuring words of comfort and humming an old song. 

Slowly, Shen Yuan began exiting the trance of his nightmare and his cries quieted down. Sobs turned into quiet sniffles as he hid his face in Shen Qingqiu’s chest, Shen Qingqiu’s hand rubbing his back. ‘It’s okay, baobei. You’re safe. Gege’s here, no one can hurt you.” Shen Qingqiu whispered, kissing the top of Shen Yuan’s head. 

The boy softly whimpered, curling up like a scared dog in Shen Qingqiu’s lap. He was shaking so much. Shen Qingqiu pulled one of the blankets over his brother, continuing to comfort him. 

As Shen Yuan drifted off into sleep once again, only one thought remained in Shen Qingqiu’s mind.

If he ever found the person who did this to Shen Yuan, they wouldn’t live to see the next day.

Chapter Text

“Remember, if you need anything you just tell me. If you need a break, you don’t even need to ask to step outside of the classroom to take a breather.” Shen Qingqiu repeated this to Shen Yuan for the third time while helping him get his robes on. 

“Okay, gege.” Shen Yuan huffed, trying to shake his nerves off. 

Today was the first day that Shen Yuan would attend the classes on Qing Jing. He’d be a whole nother level of nervous if it wasn’t for Shen Qingqiu being the one teaching but lucky for him, the first couple of days he’d have his brother teaching him.

It had been around 3 weeks since he arrived at Cang Qiong and only a few days since classes started up. He shouldn’t be too far behind, especially with Shen Qingqiu’s help. He was still nervous, he’d be around a lot of people he didn’t know and the thought of that sent shivers down his spine. At least his brother guaranteed him a spot next to Ning Yingying. That would hopefully help him just a little.

Since Qing Jing didn’t accept new disciples often, he was simply going to join the classes with the rest of the disciples. Which meant he was going to be surrounded by kids who already knew what they were doing. While he was clueless. He couldn’t possibly be the only one who was going to need help... right? 

It’s okay! His brother would help him quickly catch up to the other disciples' level. He would just have to study extra hard and work outside of classes. 

He wouldn’t look too out of place, right? He still appeared underweight but he was clean and neat! His brother made sure of that. And he weighed more than he did a few weeks ago! Shen Qingqiu had been making him eat a lot so he could quickly get to a healthy weight and he thinks it’s been working so far. None of the kids would judge him, right? Well, Shen Qingqiu made sure to make it a point that if anyone were to make fun of him, Shen Yuan should go to him immediately and tell him so he could deal with those people properly. 

Shen Yuan wished he could go through this all with Binghe. 

Oh, Binghe. Shen Yuan hadn’t even realized how much he had missed Binghe until he realized he wasn’t going to attend classes with him. He wasn’t going to be able to do much of anything with Binghe, not while they were on separate peaks. 

The first few days that he’d been on Qing Jing, he hadn’t been able to have an opportunity to even think about missing Binghe with how much he needed to process his surroundings. A new home, new clothes, actually being able to know the feeling of having a full belly– it wasn’t something that he could easily accept. It all still felt so unreal to Shen Yuan. The fact that he found his brother and Qi-ge still had his head reeling. The fact that it had been 20 years had it reeling even more so.

There were just so many things to think about– and with it all settling down the rising feeling of missing Binghe was taking over. 

How had Binghe been settling in? Was he just as overwhelmed as Shen Yuan was? So many new people to be around– Binghe likely didn’t have the luxury of having his own home and bedroom to hide away. He probably had to sleep in the disciple dorms on his peak. Shen Yuan had to admit, it was more difficult to sleep without Binghe being at his side. The nights he slept next to his brother were certainly easier but when he had to sleep alone he just felt so alone.

The more and more he thought about it the more it ate away at him that he hadn’t seen Binghe in so long. While it truly hadn’t been too long, after traveling with someone for four years without being separated for even a day 3 weeks felt like an eternity. 

Maybe after classes, he could convince his brother to take him to see Binghe. But Shen Qingqiu didn’t seem to like Bai Zhan all that much… Maybe he would have to sneak away. 

He only broke out of his thoughts when he felt his hair tugged into its usual braid with his tattered green ribbon tying the ends together. “Alright, you’re all ready now.” Shen Qingqiu said, patting Shen Yuan’s head. “We’ll leave shortly, get your boots on.”

Shen Yuan nodded, getting to his feet and putting his shoes on by the door. He gripped the rims of his sleeves nervously, running through every possible scenario that could happen today. Best case scenario, he makes it through the day and doesn’t freak out mid-lesson.

“I’ll be there the entire time, Yingying will be there too.” Shen Qingqiu told him as he straightened Shen Yuan’s robes and flattened any stray hairs. 

“Gege, you sound more nervous than I do.” Shen Yuan commented with a smile.

Shen Qingqiu gently whacked the top of Shen Yuan’s head with his fan. “Quiet you, can I no longer worry for you? Is my didi so grown he doesn’t need his gege's concern anymore?”

Shen Yuan giggled. “No! I do!” He claimed, throwing himself at his brother so he could be hugged tightly. “I’ll always need gege!” 

Shen Qingqiu snorted, his arms wrapping around Shen Yuan. “So sticky. Now, let’s go before we’re late.” He said, leading Shen Yuan out of the house.

“Okay, gege.” Shen Yuan replied lazily, gluing himself to Shen Qingqiu’s side as they walked. 

+++

When the two brothers arrived, the classroom was filled with chatting disciples. As they entered, the girls quickly flocked to them and excitedly greeted their Shizun. Meanwhile, the boys scrambled to their seats like frightened cats, which enticed a few giggles from Shen Yuan. 

After supplying a few head pats to the girls, Shen Qinqiu told them calmly to get to their seats. As the class settled down into their seats, Shen Yuan’s heart thumped in his chest at the realization that many eyes were on him. 

It wasn’t exactly unknown that he was Shen Qingqiu’s brother. It’s just this is the first time he’s making a public appearance! He’s only been a rumor to most in the sect, so this would be the first time anyone other than the few disciples and peak lords he’s met have actually seen him. The time at the disciple selections didn’t exactly count with how he was practically smothered by Shen Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu had a hand resting on top of Shen Yuan’s as they stopped right in front of the class. Shen Yuan was pretty sure everyone could hear the way his heart was racing if they listened very closely. Shen Qingqiu’s hand drifted to the middle of Shen Yuan’s back and gently pushed him forward. He cleared his throat, beginning to speak. “This is Shen Yuan, he is this master’s younger brother,” Shen Qingqiu began. “As of today, he will be joining our classes and learning alongside all of you.” 

Shen Yuan’s mind went blank as Shen Qingqiu began to introduce him, panic rampaging through him. There were so many eyes on him. His gaze darted around the room, trying to look at anything but the people looking at him. He was okay, everything was okay, and his brother was right there behind him. A gentle squeeze on his shoulder brought him back to reality. He took a deep breath and grounded himself before he scanned the group of disciples again, his gaze coming to land on Ning Yingying. She must have been waiting for him to make eye contact with her with the way she instantly lit up, waving excitedly. A smile finally settled across his face as he waved back. 

“He will be your new shidi so I trust that you all will help him catch up on our lessons and assist him when needed.” Shen Qingqiu finished his introduction with a chorus of ‘Yes Shizun!’ following shortly after. “Good,” Shen Qingqiu focused on Shen Yuan again. “Go sit in the seat next to Yingying. If you need anything, raise your hand and I’ll be there.” He said in a hushed voice. 

Shen Yuan let go of Shen Qingqiu’s robes, which he hadn’t even realized he’d grabbed onto again and made his way over to Ning Yingying with shaky legs. He kept his eyes diverted from everyone’s gazes as he climbed into the seat next to a grinning Ning Yingying. “Yuanyuan!” She excitedly whispered, pulling him into a side hug. 

“Yingying..” He whispered back with a little smile, nearly melting into the comforting hug. 

The duo straightened up when Shen Qingqiu began to speak. The lesson should be fairly easy on Shen Yuan’s part, he’d gotten lucky and landed on the day they would learn a little about spiritual beasts! At least, he thinks he got lucky. He had the smallest feeling Shen Qingqiu planned it that way. Not that he was complaining…

+++

By the time the lesson had ended, Shen Yuan could feel his eyes drooping with drowsiness. Even though Shen Qingqiu’s voice was much more serious than when he would read to just Shen Yuan, his voice was still a comforting tool.

The other disciples had gotten up and gathered in small groups as they had a short break before they began their calligraphy lesson. Even Ning Yingying had a few girls chatting with her. Shen Yuan stifled a sigh and decided to rise from his seat, heading over to where his brother was sitting. 

Shen Qingqiu noticed him, scooting over to make some room and lifting his arm so Shen Yuan could easily latch onto his side. The motion came as an instinct for Shen Qingqiu, always ready to accept Shen Yuan into his arms. 

As expected, Shen Yuan hurriedly knelt beside his brother and happily sunk into his side. Shen Yuan’s hands latched onto his robes as Shen Qingqiu rested his arm around his brother. Nerves that Shen Yuan had previously been unaware of were melted away as Shen Qingqiu smoothed down the stray hairs that were trying to pop out of his braid. 

“You’re doing very well, A-Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu told him in a quiet voice. “Once we finish the next lesson, you’re free to go back to the bamboo house after lunch. Mu-shidi advised against doing any physical training until you gain more weight.”

Shen Yuan nodded, a small smile forming on his face. “Okay, gege.” He said as he closed his eyes, deciding to rest for their break.

After what felt like only a few moments, Shen Qingqiu carefully shook Shen Yuan back to consciousness. Shen Yuan blinked open his eyes and sat up, realizing that the other disciples were already beginning to settle back into their seats. He hurriedly got to his feet and rushed to his seat, his cheeks growing slightly pink when he heard a giggle from Ning Yingying. It wasn’t like he had been the last to his seat! He just wanted to rest for a few moments… wait had everyone been looking?

Once everyone was seated, Shen Qingqiu stood up and began to explain their next lesson. They were simply going to practice calligraphy– that way Shen Qingqiu could check if they had been slacking off in his absence. It was a very easy task, they only had to copy down a few short poems. 

It still made Shen Yuan’s hands shake at the thought. 

He had practiced calligraphy before– years ago with Madam Xia. The thought of that woman made him shudder, rubbing the skin on his wrists anxiously. 

The woman would make him practice for hours on end, to the point that he could barely open his hand the next day. She would insist that calligraphy was a necessary skill for him, that it needed to be perfect. 

The only thing he could remember from those ‘lessons’ were his mistakes and how he would be punished. How if he dared to splotch the ink anywhere or make even a single out-of-place stroke then his arm would be gripped tightly as a sharp ruler met his wrist–

Shen Yuan shook the memory away. His breath had grown unsteady and his palms sweaty. His brother wouldn’t do that to him. His brother was nothing like that woman– his brother loved him and cared for him. He wouldn’t hurt him. Right? There was no way–

It was possible though, wasn’t it? He wasn’t a fool, he had heard how most sects punish their disciples for mistakes. He had heard that some sects even whip–

No, he wouldn’t think about that.

Before he could get trapped in his thoughts again, he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. He looked over to Ning Yingying, who was looking at him with a concerned expression. “Yuanyuan, are you alright?” 

Shen Yuan hesitated before nodding. “Just nerves.” He admitted with a small smile. 

Ning Yingying patted his head. “Don’t worry, Yingying will help you if you have any problems. I’m sure Shizun will too! And don’t you worry about any punishments either, the most Shizun does is whack someone on the head with his fan for calligraphy mistakes.” She said with a giggle. “And sometimes makes them write something a few more times so they get it right.”

Shen Yuan could feel himself physically relax, a huge weight being lifted off of his chest. It kind of made sense that Shen Qingqiu was against physically punishing them, maybe he’d gone through something similar to Shen Yuan. However, it seemed that he still had disciples write until they got it right. An uncomfortable feeling settled in Shen Yuan's stomach.

Just as he had relaxed, tension ached in his bones once again. Shen Qingqiu instructed the students to retrieve their calligraphy supplies, pulling out a set as he spoke. Not having supplies, Shen Yuan looked around anxiously as everyone got out of their seats, preparing to get up to ask his brother but before he could Shen Qingqiu appeared in front of him, holding the supplies he’d had earlier.

“You’ll be using these.” Shen Qingqiu said as he placed them in front of Shen Yuan. Shen Qingqiu paused when he took a good look at his brother, a frown forming on his face. “What’s wrong? You look pale.” He questioned, reaching out to cup Shen Yuan’s cheek.

Shen Yuan nodded hesitantly. “I’m okay, Gege.” He whispered. “I just haven’t done calligraphy in a few years.” He wrung his hands as he spoke.

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes flashed with understanding. “Well, don’t worry too much. We’re only seeing your current level, there’s no need to be perfect.” He assured Shen Yuan, pinching his cheek in the process to make the boy giggle.

A few quiet giggles came from Shen Yuan. “Okay, Gege.” He nodded with a smile.

Shen Yuan set up his supplies, his muscle memory kicking in as he carefully placed everything. He noticed that his desk was slightly more crowded than the one he’d used before… no worries, right? 

He opened the small jar of ink, handling it with care so as to not spill it. He placed it in its proper spot, cringing at the sight. He had already guessed he would have to do calligraphy– this was a peak for scholars after all. That wouldn’t change for him. 

“Wow, Yuanyuan! You set up fast! You didn’t even need any help.” Ning Yingying commented as she glanced over Shen Yuan’s setup. She had barely even begun setting up! 

His face flushed lightly. Was it unusual? “I’ve always had to set up fast.” Or else Madam Xia would get impatient and then mad–

Ning Yingying tilted her head, a questioning look in her eyes. Shen Yuan only looked away, gripping the calligraphy brush tightly. 

The class started shortly after Shen Qingqiu placed a paper on their desks, forcing Shen Yuan to suppress his anxieties while the first poem to copy was put up. It was only a simple poem, one for them to warm up with before moving on to the more complicated ones. 

Holding his brush properly, he steadied his hands and dipped it in the ink when Shen Qingqiu announced they could begin. This was an easy task, very easy! He’d done this before and was decent at it at only 5 years old! He just needed to be careful and not make mistakes. Just… put the brush on paper, copy what he sees, and he’ll be okay!

He just needed his hands to steady again, that’s all. Then he would begin. 

Or maybe he should just begin even without steady hands. He was taking too long– he was falling behind. If he had done this with Madam Xia he already would have been—

Shen Yuan put brush to paper, forcing himself to begin. It was messy– he knew he should have waited for his hands to steady but now he couldn’t stop. Besides, it was okay to be a little messy, right? He was technically a beginner. But Madam Xia wouldn’t stand for that excuse–

Madam Xia wasn’t here , he reminded himself. His brother wouldn’t do anything she did. Ah, he was being so silly about this. He glanced over at Ning Yingying’s work, noticing how hers was messy as well. Possibly even more messy than his…

He took a deep breath in and out, his writing growing steadier and cleaner as he went on. His initial nerves slowly melted away as his mind focused on copying. Just look up, look down, copy down, and repeat. Look up, look down, copy down, look up, look down, copy down, look up, look down, copy down, look up, look down, copy down…

He was almost done, he only had a few more characters. Just look up, look down, copy down, and—

“Yuanyuan?”

Ning Yingying’s voice ripped Shen Yuan out of his concentration, startling him badly to the point his entire body flinched and caused him to bump into the desk harshly, so much so that it knocked his jar of ink onto the ground. The jar shattered on impact and the brush Shen Yuan held slipped out of his hand as everything froze. 

His breath hitched as Ning Yingying said, “Oh no! I’m sorry Yuanyuan, I didn’t mean to scare you…” Apologetically. But Shen Yuan couldn’t pay attention to her apology, not when the walls felt like they were closing in on him. 

Shen Qingqiu had already rushed over, resting a hand on Shen Yuan’s back and questioning if he was okay. Shen Yuan’s ears were ringing as he tried to make out what his brother was saying but he could only focus on the ink— it was on the floor it was on his hands on his robes—

“I’ll clean it– I’m sorry I’ll clean it–” Shen Yuan frantically got to his feet and was close to grabbing the broken shards of the jar but hands pulled him back. 

“Careful!” Shen Qingqiu scolded. “A-Yuan, breathe. Let’s go the hall.” Shen Yuan didn’t protest. 

Shen Qingqiu sat Shen Yuan down on a bench outside of the classroom, saying something to the boy. Shen Yuan couldn’t process it, there was too much going on. The hallway was small, it was suffocating. The walls looked as if they were going to close in and crush him any second. He needed out– he couldn’t be here he needed out he needed OUT.

Shen Qingqiu briefly went into the classroom before coming back out and saying something else to Shen Yuan before he went further down the hall into another room. Shen Yuan didn’t waste a moment, as soon as Shen Qingqiu vanished past the doorframe his feet moved. He stumbled a few times as he sprinted to the exit, his breathing uneven as he burst out the doors. 

His vision grew blurred as he ran. He didn’t know where he was going. He needed safety, but nowhere on this peak was safe. If he was found he’d surely be punished, he’d be screamed at, beaten, locked away–

He couldn’t breathe. Sobs were ripping through his body, his throat raw from the failed breaths as he ran. He stumbled and fell but didn’t waste a second in getting up and continuing to run despite the new scrapes on his hands. Now there was dirt on his robes too– how expensive had they been? Shen Qingqiu had had them made specially for Shen Yuan, his brother was going to be so mad that he’d ruined them. 

Fear coursed through every vein in his body as he ran past the library and stumbled across a colorful bridge that he couldn’t take the time to appreciate. He needed to go home, somewhere safe, someone safe–

Binghe, he had to find Binghe. Where is Binghe? Binghe, he needs Binghe. Where was he? 

Shen Yuan didn’t know where he was anymore, The terrain had changed and only unfamiliarity surrounded him. All disciples were in classes right now, there was no one to help him, he was alone he was alone he was–

He tripped again, this time his face getting scratched up. He looked like a mess, dirt all over his face mixed with tears and blood. He pushed himself to his feet, hiccuping as he tried to wipe his face down. His head was pounding and his face scrunched up in pain as the material of his sleeve rubbed against the scratches.

“What’s a Qing Jing stray doing here?” A voice sounded behind Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan whipped around, his face paling as he saw two disciples in white and silver robes standing behind him, baring condescending expressions. They didn’t appear friendly. One of their faces twisted with disgust as they saw the state Shen Yuan was in and started saying something but Shen Yuan couldn’t hear them. 

The only thing he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. These two were dangerous– much older than he was and much more well-fed. Fear shocked his veins and the next thing he knew was he was running again. There were shouts behind him and he knew they were chasing him but he didn’t stop. Even though his lungs burned, he couldn’t stop.

Then he caught sight of a familiar face. Wu Xiang. She could help! She would help him! She could get these disciples off his tail and she could help him find Binghe! 

“Xiangxiang!” He called out between a pant as he sped up, going full speed toward her.

Wu Xiang looked startled as her attention snapped to Shen Yuan. “Shen Yuan?” Then she noticed his state and how disciples were chasing after him. “Hey! What the hell do you two think you’re doing!?” 

Shen Yuan finally reached her, skidding to a halt before hurriedly hiding behind her. He looked at the disciples from behind him, who looked shocked at the sight of their Shijie standing protectively in front of Shen Yuan. 

“Shijie! He doesn’t belong here! He’s a Qing Jing stray!” One of the disciples hurriedly said. 

Wu Xiang stared down at them, a disapproving look in her eyes. “You saw a young disciple in such a state and thought, oh yes, I should chase him around the peak despite seeing him injured and in distress?” She hissed. “Or should I be thinking that you were the ones who did this to him?” 

The disciples shrunk away, regret showing on their faces. “We just– we just thought–” one of them stammered.

“I don’t care what you thought. Since it seems you have so much energy, why don’t you run 20 laps around the peak?” Wu Xiang told them sourly. When they began to protest, one look from the older girl struck enough fear in them that they instantly sped away. 

Shen Yuan let out a breath of relief. “Thank you…” 

Wu Xiang turned to the boy, her eyebrows furrowing now that she could see his state up close. “What happened?”

Shen Yuan opened and closed his hands repeatedly, his nose scrunching at how they stung. “I tripped and scraped my hands and face. I’m really lost…” He sighed. 

Wu Xiang pulled a few leaves and twigs out of his hair. “I can see that. You’re on Bai Zhan Peak right now.”

His eyes lit up, now holding excitement as he looked up at Wu Xiang. “Bai Zhan? Is Binghe here!?” 

Wu Xiang paused. “Your friend?” She then nodded. “Yes, he should actually be over in our training clearing right now.” 

Shen Yuan could already feel his anxieties from what had happened drift away. “Can you take me to him? I’ve been looking for him!” He almost begged. 

Wu Xiang hesitated before nodding again. “Okay, fine.” She agreed. “But after you see him, you need to be bandaged up.”

Shen Yuan eagerly nodded. “Okay!” 

Shen Yuan was practically buzzing with excitement as Wu Xiang began to lead the way. He slipped his outermost robe off, thankful for once that Shen Qingqiu had him wearing multiple layers. He used the already dirty robes to try and clean off the blood and dirt off of his face and hands as they walked. He tried to fix his hair as well but it was pretty much a lost cause without taking it out of its braid and combing through it. It’s okay, Binghe had seen him in a much worse state before. 

After some time, they arrived at a clearing where many other disciples were gathered wearing the same color robes as Wu Xiang. A few of the disciples were chatting away while a few others were sparring. Shen Yuan looked around, trying to spot Binghe’s fluffy and curly hair amongst the other disciples. He grew slightly nervous as some people began to stare curiously at him and whisper at each other. 

He was close to shrinking down and attaching himself to Wu Xiang but he decided against it. Wu Xiang wasn’t Shen Qingqiu, she’d surely disapprove of the stickiness. Besides, once they found Binghe Shen Yuan could be as sticky as he wanted with him instead! 

Wu Xiang rested a hand on his back and had him walk in front of her as they wove through the disciples. He was growing anxious, thinking that Binghe may not be here after all. But then–

Then he came into sight. 

Binghe was sparring with another disciple. He was fighting hard, sweat dripping down his face and oh, Shen Yuan could feel his heart skip a beat.

Ah, he was just excited to see his friend that’s all!

Binghe’s complexion already looked much healthier than it had a few weeks ago. Shen Yuan could tell he was reaching a healthier weight as well! He felt warm inside at the sight. 

Shen Yuan eagerly watched the sparring match by Wu Xiang’s side. He knew that it wasn’t likely Binghe would win since he’d only been here for a few weeks, but it had always been thrilling to watch him fight. Shen Yuan was always the one who fought while they lived on the streets so the rare sight of Binghe fighting had always excited him! 

The fight had actually looked to be as if it were in Binghe’s favor– oof! Never mind, his opponent swept his feet out from under him. Shen Yuan winced at Binghe colliding with the ground and had to hold himself back from running to the boy. Binghe’s opponent held a hand out and helped the boy up. 

“Luo Binghe!” Wu Xiang called out. Almost instantly, everyone’s eyes were on Shen Yuan and Wu Xiang, but Shen Yuan didn’t care when his and Binghe’s gazes met. 

The curly-haired boy gasped loudly. “A-Yuan!” Binghe exclaimed, his entire demeanor lighting up to the point it was like he was glowing. He surged forward, rushing to Shen Yuan, and surprised the boy by lifting him and spinning around. 

Shen Yuan yelped when he lifted before bursting out into giggles. “Binghe!” He held onto Binghe’s shoulders so he wouldn’t go flying. “Put me down!”

Binghe had also broken into a fit of giggles as he put Shen Yuan back onto his feet. “Sorry A-Yuan, I’ve just missed you so much.” He said as he buried his face into the crook of Shen Yuan’s neck. 

“Aiyah, so sticky. It’s only been a few weeks!” Shen Yuan said (despite feeling very much the same exact way) as he brushed his hand through Binghe’s curls. 

Binghe lifted his face from its spot on Shen Yuan’s neck and pouted. “After spending every day for four years with you, every second without you is agonizing.” 

Shen Yuan’s face flushed red. “Shameless!” He huffed. Then, ironically went: “...I felt the same way.” 

Binghe grinned and opened his mouth to say something else but he came to a halt when his gaze landed on the state Shen Yuan was in. “A-Yuan, what happened to your face? Your eyes look swollen too…” His expression had been replaced with concern.

“Ah! Don’t worry, don’t worry. I just tripped on the way here that’s all.” Shen Yuan hurriedly assured his friend. “Xiangxiang said she was going to make me get bandaged up after seeing you so you don’t have to worry about me ignoring it.” He said with a small laugh. 

Binghe huffed before turning to Wu Xiang. “Shijie, can I take him back to my dorm? I have supplies there.” He asked, his eyes pleading. 

Wu Xiang looked at them back and forth before sighing. “Fine, But don’t let the hallmaster see you.”

Both Shen Yuan and Binghe’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Thank you Shijie!” Binghe chirped before starting to pull Shen Yuan along with him. “Come on A-Yuan! I can show you my room, I have a bed now!!” He urged eagerly.

Shen Yuan smiled. “Okay okay! I’m coming!” He exclaimed as he was practically dragged away. “Thank you Xiangxiang!” He said after he was a small distance away.

“Whatever… wait. Who said you could call me that!?” Wu Xiang yelled after them, finally noticing the nickname usage. 

Safe to say Shen Yuan and Binghe began to sprint towards the dorm after that, hand in hand without noticing the entire time that a few female disciples were bristling with jealousy at their interactions. 

~

“...and there’s even a bathhouse with constant hot water!” Binghe said as he slowly began to finish his rant, Shen Yuan combing through his hair with his freshly bandaged hands and face.. “Everyone’s much nicer than the kids on the streets. Sparring is fun too!” 

Shen Yuan smiled softly as he detangled Binghe’s hair. He was sat on the bed while Binghe sat between his legs, his jade comb in hand. “I haven’t been able to get close with the other disciples yet, but there’s one who’s really kind to me. Her name is Ning Yingying.” Shen Yuan chipped in. 

Binghe leaned back so he could look up at Shen Yuan. “Really?” 

Shen Yuan nodded. “To be fair, I haven’t exactly been attending classes.” He admitted. “Gege agreed that it was best to let me adjust to being on the peak before having to do classes. Today was my first day but… it didn’t go too well.” He put down the comb, sighing as he simply twirled strands of Binghe’s hair instead. 

Binghe’s expression turned sympathetic. “Is that why you’re here?”

“...yeah. I messed up and freaked out–” He sighed putting his head in his hands. “I ran from the class building and ended up lost. Two disciples from here found me but I thought they were going to attack so I ran more– that’s how I ended up with Xiangxiang.”

Shen Yuan was grateful when Binghe motioned for them to switch positions. He could feel himself relax as their roles reversed and Binghe began to pull Shen Yuan’s hair out of its braid.. “It’s okay, A-Yuan. Hopefully, next time will end better.” 

Shen Yuan slightly nodded. “I just– It felt like the room was closing in on me. I know Gege would never punish me, at least never like you know who.” He closed his eyes. “At the moment, I just felt like I was going to end up locked away again, begging to be let out. I’m still getting used to being indoors so often.” 

Binghe hummed to show his understanding, putting the ribbon to the side and he began to comb through Shen Yuan’s hair. “Even I’m still getting used to it,” Binghe admitted. “Have you told him about it, though? About being indoors for too long?”

Shen Yuan shrunk away. “I haven’t told him anything, really.” He said in a small voice. “I don’t know how to. It’s easier to tell you stuff than it is for Gege. I just… need more time.”

A small silence settled over them, neither having much more to say. Binghe continued to comb through Shen Yuan’s hair, eventually switching to massage his head after a short while to comfort him more. Shen Yuan rested his head against Binghe’s thigh, keeping his eyes closed as his body began to relax more. He let out a soft sigh, letting the exhaustion take over as he drifted to sleep.  Binghe would always be a safe place for him. 

Binghe laid Shen Yuan out on his bed, carefully tucking the boy in before snuggling up next to him. It was a small bed with very little space but he made it work. Binghe hadn’t been able to sleep very well without Shen Yuan, after all, he had spent every night for the past four years in this very position. Being in an unfamiliar place far from Shen Yuan didn’t help either. So as he had the opportunity to finally be able to cuddle up to his best friend, of course, he took it as fast as he could.

Shen Yuan huffed in his sleep, twisting until his arm laid across Binghe’s waist and his face was buried in the fluffy curls. He let out a content sigh afterward, causing Binghe to let out a soft giggle as he tucked Shen Yuan’s head under his chin. 

Surely it’d be fine to take a short nap, right?

~

Frantic knocking on his dorm room door almost an hour later told them that a short nap was, in fact, not fine. 

The two boys were startled awake by the knocks. Binghe practically sprung off of the bed to his feet as Shen Yuan tried to rub the grogginess away from his eyes. “Coming!” Binghe called, speeding to the door. When he opened the door, his eyes widened. “Shizun?”

Liu Qingge stood at the door with another man that Binghe didn’t recognize. The man held a kind smile, but he could sense the uneasiness rolling off of him. “Disciple Luo, is Shen Yuan here?” 

Binghe glanced behind him at Shen Yuan, who nodded as to give him permission. He turned back to his Shizun before nodding. “He’s here. Is something wrong?” 

The expression on the man next to Liu Qingge cracked. He stepped forward, calling into the room. “Xiao-Yuan?”

There was a small gasp from Shen Yuan. “Qi-Ge?” He hopped off of the bed, hurriedly going to the door. Binghe looked at him with a wide-eyed expression, as if going ‘I was not warned I’d be meeting family today!!!!’ but Shen Yuan must have taken it as a ‘who the hell!?’ expression. “Remember when I told you about my Qi-Ge? It turned out he’s the sect leader!”

Okay, what the hell Shen Yuan? Now Binghe’s jaw had dropped and he looked ridiculous! Luckily for him, the opportunity to respond was gone as Yue Qingyuan scooped Shen Yuan into his arms. 

“Where have you been!? ” Yue Qingyuan questioned. “Everyone has been worried sick! Xiao-Jiu said you ran out and vanished! You can’t do that you hear me?!” His tone was scolding, and he was wildly worried as he hugged the boy tightly. 

Shen Yuan’s expression turned guilty. “I’m sorry Qi-Ge…”

Yue Qingyuan pulled back from the hug. “What happened to your face!?” His hand quickly rested on Shen Yuan’s injured cheek. “We need to get you back to Xiao-Jiu immediately.”

Shen Yuan shrunk away. “He’s mad, isn’t he?” He asked, tears brimming his eyes. 

“What? Heaven’s no,” Yue Qingyuan sighed. “He’s worried Xiao-Yuan. He said he left for a few moments to get something to clean you up and you were gone. He searched all over the peak and couldn’t find you. I was worried too when I found out.” 

Shen Yuan hung his head in shame. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I won’t do it again, I promise.”

Yue Qingyuan patted his head. “What matters is that you are safe. Let’s get you back to your brother for now, okay?” He pressed a kiss to Shen Yuan’s temple before lifting him into his arms. 

“Okay.” Shen Yuan mumbled before looking at Binghe. “I’m sorry Binghe, I’ll visit again soon. Maybe I can convince Gege for us to have a sleepover.”

Binghe was still bewildered but he nodded. “Ah wait!” He turned, quickly going further into the room before coming back out. “Don’t forget these.” He handed Shen Yuan his ribbon, comb, and dirty outer robe he’d taken off previously. 

“Oh, thank you!” Shen Yuan hurriedly tucked the comb and ribbon into his robe near his chest while Yue Qingyuan took the outer robe.

Yue Qingyuan gave Binghe and Liu Qingge a quick nod before turning away, his sword in the sheathe placed in front of him so he could fly in the direction of Qing Jing. 

Binghe and Liu Qingge shared a confused expression as the two flew off. 

~

Shen Qingqiu was pacing in front of the bamboo house. 

Yue Qingyuan had just activated a talisman that alerted Shen Qingqiu that Shen Yuan was found. They had created the talismans before going out to search, so Shen Qingqiu raced back to the bamboo house as soon as he felt the talisman activate. 

Thoughts of what could have happened to Shen Yuan while he had run were racing through Shen Qingqiu’s mind, not helping his rising heart rate at all. Shen Yuan would be okay , he reassured himself over and over. Then again, the last time they were split 20 years had passed.

But that wouldn’t happen this time, Yue Qingyuan had found Shen Yuan. That was all that mattered right now. He needed to see his baby brother okay, alive.

At the end of the hill where the bamboo house sat, he could see Yue Qingyuan land and put down the boy in his arms. Shen Yuan! Oh, his A-Yuan! His A-Yuan was okay, not uninjured it seemed but alive. Before he knew it, he found himself rushing down the hill. Shen Yuan had also begun running towards his brother, causing the air to be knocked out of both of them when they embraced.

Shen Yuan’s giggles rang out across the bamboo as Shen Qingqiu peppered his face with as many kisses as he could. “Never, ever , scare me like that again!” Shen Qingqiu scolded Shen Yuan as he held the boy close to his chest.
Shen Yuan held onto Shen Qingqiu just as tightly. “I’m sorry Gege, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re safe, that’s all that matters. Let’s get you inside.” He said, standing upright and starting to lead the boy to the bamboo house. 

Shen Yuan paused. “Wait! Can Qi-Ge at least spend dinner with us?” 

Shen Qingqiu had the word no on the tip of his tongue before he looked down at the boy. Shen Yuan had pleading eyes and he looked as if he were about to fall to his knees begging. He glanced at Yue Qingyuan who was carrying a hopeful expression and sighed. “Only if you promise to never run off like that again.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up. “I promise! I promise I’ll never do it again!” He leapt forward and hugged his brother tightly, looking up with teary eyes. 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t get out of this one. “Fine then.” He said reluctantly. 

He would have to give a proper talk to the boy the next day.

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan tired himself out quickly while playing with Yue Qingyuan. The sun had already set by the time he was half asleep in the sect leader's arm, looking as content as he could be. 

Shen Qingqiu led Yue Qingyuan into Shen Yuan’s room so they could prepare the boy for bed. The only issue was that Shen Yuan seemed to not want to release Yue Qingyuan from his grasp, making it difficult to get him into his sleeping robes and fix his hair.  

It took them a good moment and some struggling but the two finally managed to prepare Shen Yuan for bed. Shen Qingqiu left the room momentarily to get the boy some calming tea before he slept while Yue Qingyuan laid him down. 

“Qi-Ge, can’t you stay the night?” Shen Yuan asked in a small voice as he had the blanket pulled over him. 

Yue Qingyuan’s expression softened. “Not tonight, Xiao-Yuan.” He brushed a few strands of hair out of the boy's face and gave him a peck on the forehead. “Maybe some other time.”

Shen Yuan frowned, reaching out and grabbing onto his Qi-Ge’s robes. “Qi-Ge, did something happen between you and gege?” He asked nervously. “It’s always so tense when you’re near each other…”

Yue Qingyuan froze, hesitation clear on his face. “Don’t worry yourself,” He began. “Just know it was your Qi-Ge’s fault, not your Gege’s.” He had a sad smile on his face as he spoke.

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened slightly. “Qi-Ge…?”

A few moments later, Shen Qingqiu walked into the room carrying the tea and placed it on a table next to Shen Yuan’s bed. He raised an eyebrow at Shen Yuan and Yue Qingyuan’s weird mood but decided to brush it off as not wanting to be separated. “A-Yuan, drink this to help you fall asleep. It should also help prevent your nightmares.” Shen Qingqiu carefully placed the teacup in Shen Yuan’s hands with a cloth underneath to prevent it from burning the boy. 

“Thank you Gege.” Shen Yuan dipped his head in thanks before beginning to take sips from the cup.

“You’ll tell me if it doesn’t work, correct?” Shen Qingqiu scrutinized. 

Shen Yuan averted his gaze but still nodded as he drank the last bit of tea. Not very convincing. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Say goodnight A-Yuan. You need to sleep now.” He instructed as Shen Yuan gave the teacup back. 

Already drowsy, Shen Yuan nodded and reached for Yue Qingyuan. “Good night Qi-Ge.” His voice carried a hint of sorrow. 

Yue Qingyuan pulled Shen Yuan into a hug, giving him a firm kiss on top of his head. “Good night Xiao-Yuan. Sleep well.”

Yue Qingyuan exited the room as Shen Qingqiu gave his good night to Shen Yuan. A few moments later, the door to Shen Yuan’s room closed as Shen Qingqiu walked out. Yue Qingyuan hesitated, thinking of what he should say. “He’s having nightmares?” 

Shen Qingqiu gave him no more than a glance as he began to clean up a few messes that Shen Yuan had left earlier. “Yes, nearly every night.” He sighed. “He’s usually fine if I’m in the bed with him by the second half of the night but otherwise he’ll sometimes wake up screaming.” 

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes widened. “Screaming?” That was much more severe than he would have originally guessed. His gaze lowered, pondering something before he spoke again. “Earlier, when I had found him, he had been afraid to return. He thought you would be mad at him and judging by the way he was acting, I believe he thought he was going to be punished.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrowed. “Are you accusing me of something?”

Yue Qingyuan’s face paled. “No! I didn’t mean it in that way, I just…” He folded his hands together. “Has… has he said anything about what he went through before making it here yet?”

Shen Qingqiu paused in his movements before silently shaking his head. “No. Nothing. He shuts down any time I try to ask him about it.” 

A short silence fell upon them, neither knowing what to say after. Yue Qingyuan’s heart felt heavy as he hung his head ever so slightly. “I do not wish to overstay my welcome.” Yue Qingyuan said quietly as he headed for the door. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

Shen Qingqiu scoffed. “The only reason I allowed it was because of A-Yuan. Thank him instead.” 

Yue Qingyuan said nothing, only turning his gaze filled with guilt downcast as he left the bamboo house. 

+++

“His injuries are minor, Shixiong; there's no need to worry,” Mu Qingfang assured Shen Qingqiu as they watched Shen Yuan and Ning Yingying run around the clearing beside the bamboo house. They sat on the bench by the pond that held a few fish.

The girl had come over bearing a gift and quite the apology for Shen Yuan. Not that Shen Yuan had held anything against the girl, after all, she had only startled him. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed. He had asked Mu Qingfang to check over Shen Yuan after the excursion he had the day before. “I don’t even know what happened. He knocked over a pot of ink and it was like he’d seen a ghost.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Shen Qingqiu watched as Shen Yuan played with the kite that Ning Yingying had brought for him. The two were far enough to not hear their conversation, too busy giggling loudly as they jumped around. “He wouldn’t respond to what I would say. I wanted to clean him up before taking him home and he was just— gone.”

Mu Qingfang hummed in consideration. “It sounds like it possibly reminded him of a traumatic memory.” He said. “Has he spoken about his past yet? Anything?’

Shen Qingqiu shook his head, flicking his fan open to cover the lower half of his face. “No. He won’t tell me anything.” He said quietly. “The only thing I know is what he says during his nightmares, and that’s about nothing.”

“Give it time, Shixiong.” Mu Qingfang rested a hand on Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder. “It’s barely been less than a month since Shen Yuan’s been here. We can only hope after he’s adjusted he’ll be able to open up more.”

Shen Qingqiu gave a slight nod. “I do have a concern.” He changed the subject. “A-Yuan, he’s been very tired lately. I don’t understand— he sleeps plenty at night and still falls asleep multiple times during the day. Is… is it normal for his age?”

“Hmm…” Mu Qingfang folded his hands together in his lap. “Well, not usually. Especially not when he doesn’t do many strenuous activities.”

An uncomfortable feeling settled in Shen Qingqiu’s stomach. “Then what could it be? Did you detect anything when you checked his spiritual roots and meridians earlier?”

Mu Qingfang shook his head. “No, he’s as healthy as he could be. If anything he’s much healthier than he was when he first arrived.” He lowered his head, seemingly pondering something. “Ah, wait. Do we know where he was for at least a year prior before coming here?”

Shen Qingqiu pressed his lips together into a tight line. “...I can only assume he was on the streets before this.” He admitted, a tight knot forming in his throat.

Mu Qingfang hummed. “I believe I know why, then.” He began. “It’s likely that his body had been constantly on fight or flight while trying to survive. Since arriving at Cang Qiong, he finally has a chance to relax and process. Most important of all, he feels safe. ”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened slightly. “Safe?”

Mu Qingfang nodded. “Now that he’s with you, I assume he feels safe enough not to be harmed while resting. So his body must be attempting to catch up on his missed sleep.” He explained with a small smile. “It may also explain the excessive nightmares you’ve said he’s been getting. He’s also gaining a chance to process whatever he’d gone through.”

Shen Qingqiu closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “That would explain quite a lot.”

“Continue giving him the calming tea before he goes to bed, we can only hope the nightmares will die down once he’s been here a while longer.”

“They have been less frequent than the first week he was here. Though, they’re still very often.” Shen Qingqiu admitted. 

Mu Qingfang gently squeezed Shen Qingqiu’s arm as he rose from the bench. “A little more time is all he needs, Shixiong.” He said. “Just focus on making sure he’s comfortable and adjusting well.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded as he joined Mu Qingfang in standing. “Thank you, Shidi.” 

Mu Qingfang dipped his head. “I’ll take my leave now. Please let me know if you or the little one need anything else.” He said with a warm smile on his face. 

A hand suddenly grabbed onto Mu Qingfang’s robes, lightly tugging. “Mu-Ge is leaving?” Shen Yuan had appeared, the kite he’d been playing with in his other hand. He gazed up at Mu Qingfang with a saddened expression, sending a pang through Mu Qingfang’s heart. 

“Unfortunately I have to little one.” Mu Qingfang gave the boy a smile, patting his head gently. “I have work to do on my peak.”

Shen Yuan let out a small huff that made Mu Qingfang’s heart squeeze in a way that made him think he should stay a little longer. “Okay…” Shen Yuan sighed.

“Where did Yingying go?” Shen Qingqiu questioned after a moment, noticing that the girl was gone. 

“Oh, she said she forgot she was sparring with Da-Shixiong and the others today and was late.” Shen Yuan said. “So she left. But she left the kite!” He excitedly showed the kite to show he was telling the truth.

A small smile rested on Shen Qingqiu’s face at the sight. “She gave it to you as a gift, so you get to keep it for as long as you’d like.” 

“Uwoaah.” Shen Yuan looked at the kite. “I wonder if Binghe would like it…” 

Shen Qingqiu lifted Shen Yuan into his arms, resting the boy on his hip. “Mhmmm why don’t you tell me about your little friend? I don’t believe I’ve asked before. You’re talking about the one who was with you at selections right?” 

Shen Yuan rested his head on Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “Luo Binghe! He’s my best friend in the whooolee world.”

“Oh really now?” Shen Qingqiu questioned as he nodded to Mu Qingfang to indicate he could leave now. 

“We met when we were six and ever since then we’ve never separated! He’s on Bai Zhan now though… I miss him. He’s so far…” Shen Yuan sighed. 

Shen Qingqiu felt a small pang in his heart, feeling slightly regretful that Ning Yingying hadn’t been able to snag his brother's friend as well during the selections. “He seems very important to you. How did you two meet?”

Shen Qingqiu listened and walked into the bamboo house as Shen Yuan began to ramble on about how he and Binghe had met. However, some parts had his eyes widening. Like how his brother had taken 4 older kids just to protect the boy he hadn’t even met! 

A sense of pride rose in him as he realized his brother was certainly a fighter. He was glad that he hadn’t been entirely defenseless without him.

+++

Shen Yuan woke with a gasp, tears burning his eyes as he sat up. His brother was by his side in an instant, humming a song to him as he hugged the boy tightly. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay. It was only a dream.” Shen Qingqiu told him, wiping away the boy’s tears before peppering his face with kisses to entice giggles out of him.

He was okay, everything was okay. He was safe in his brother's arms. Shen Yuan’s mood slightly improved when he noticed that the sun had risen. He’d slept through the night! He still kind of wanted to sleep more…

As if he could read Shen Yuan’s mind, Shen Qingqiu said, “If you’d like you can go back to bed for a little longer. We don’t have the peak lord meeting for another two shichen.”

Suddenly he was too excited to sleep! He had completely forgotten that today his brother would be taking him to a peak lord meeting! Where he would see Mu-Ge!!! And more importantly, Qi-ge!!!!!! He wondered if Binghe had gotten his letter to ask his Shizun if he could go to the meeting as well… 

The nightmare forgotten, he quickly reached up for his brother who laughed a little as he lifted him. “I guess I got you excited, didn’t I? Oh well, might as well start getting you ready.” Shen Qingqiu hummed, pressing a firm kiss to the boy's temple. 

Shen Yuan giggled. “Food first?” He asked, his stomach growling at the same time. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Food first.”

~

Shen Yuan played with the fan that he’d received from Liu Qingge as Shen Qingqiu brushed his hair. “Gege, gege, do you think Binghe got my letter?” 

Shen Qingqiu let out a small huff. “A-Yuan, you’ve asked me that about ten times now. Yes, I’m sure he got your letter. I gave it to his Shizun myself.” 

Shen Yuan opened and closed his fan while Shen Qingqiu sectioned his hair to braid it. “Do you think Liu-ge will let him go?”

Shen Qingqiu’s eye twitched at the usage of ‘Liu-ge’. “Well typically only head disciples attend with their Shizun’s, you’re a special exception so that will entirely depend on Liu Qingge.” He explained as he swiftly braided Shen Yuan’s hair. 

Shen Yuan sighed heavily. “I miss Binghe.” He mumbled, leaning into his brother after his hair was tied with his green ribbon. 

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes out of Shen Yuan’s sight before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Come on, let’s get you dressed.”

~

Shen Yuan clung to Shen Qingqiu as they flew on Xiu Ya with Ming Fan close behind on his own sword. Mid-way through, Shen Yuan began having issues with keeping his feet steady on the sword resulting in Shen Qingqiu eventually lifting him into his arms and carrying him as they flew. 

Once they arrived at the place where the peak lords met for their meetings, Shen Qingqiu placed Shen Yuan back onto his feet and hurriedly fixed the boys' appearance. “You have your book, correct?” His brother questioned.

Shen Yuan nodded. “Yes, Gege.” He pulled his bestiary out of his bag to prove his words were true.

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Good, because it’s going to get boring real fast.” He said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ll be sitting between me and the sect leader. Let me know if you encounter any characters you don’t know.”

Shen Yuan stayed glued to Shen Qingqiu’s side as they entered the building with Ming Fan close behind them. The building held a large and long table that was low to the ground, with cushions surrounding it for every peak lord along with their head disciples.

There were already quite a few peak lords sitting at the table, sorting through notes and topics they would bring up during the meeting. A certain short man in pale blue robes caught Shen Yuan’s attention, it was Shang Qinghua! He hadn’t seen the man since Qian Cao, so he took the opportunity to wave excitedly when the man looked up to see him. 

Shang Qinghua looked slightly surprised but soon enough a smile replaced his expression as he waved back. Shen Yuan giggled happily to himself. Shen Yuan turned his gaze away just in time to miss how Shang Qinghua shrunk when Shen Qingqiu gave him a suspicious glare. 

Shen Yuan was startled when purple robes suddenly appeared in front of him, nearly falling on his butt when his brother pulled him back before he could bump into the person. He looked up to see a woman, her face bright and beautiful. She only looked down at Shen Yuan with a confused expression but it quickly turned to a sneer when she saw Shen Qingqiu next to him. 

“Qi Qingqi.” Shen Qingqiu greeted curtly.

“Shen Qingqiu.” Qi Qingqi greeted back before letting out a scoff while suddenly observing Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan tried not to squirm under her gaze but it was a lot of pressure! He quickly bowed and then hid behind Shen Qingqiu, who sighed and patted his head as he peeked out. “Do you have anything better to do than stare?” Shen Qingqiu snidely questioned.

Qi Qingqi’s expression twisted into a hateful glare. “I see your retched manners are already rubbing off on the boy!” 

“Say what you want about me, but do not bring him into this.” Shen Qingqiu’s tone was cold and threatening, his arm pulling Shen Yuan closer to him protectively

Shen Yuan grew worried. “Ah, wait don’t fight…”

“Is everything alright?” A man’s voice sounded behind them. Shen Yuan recognized that voice!! It was Yue Qingyuan!!

Shen Yuan couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped him. Wriggling out of his brother's grasp, he quickly turned to see his Qi-Ge a few steps behind them. “Qi-Ge!!!” He hadn’t seen the man in so long!! (a week). Nearly tripping over himself, he threw himself at Yue Qingyuan who proceeded to lift him into his arms.

“Xiao-Yuan.” Yue Qingyuan greeted with a soft laugh as Shen Yuan buried his face in the crook of his neck, gripping the front of his robes. To others, Yue Qingyuan was practically glowing from happiness just by holding the boy. “Shidi, Shimei.” He greeted Shen Qingqiu and Qi Qingqi, who resisted covering their eyes with how happy this man was. 

Shen Qingqiu scoffed before crossing his arms. “A-Yuan, you know better than to jump on people.”

“Qi-Ge isn’t just people though!” Shen Yuan protested, lifting his head from the crook of Yue Qingyuan’s neck and pouting as he was put back onto his feet. 

“It’s quite alright,” Yue Qingyuan patted Shen Yuan’s head. “I don’t mind at all.”

“I don’t recall asking for your opinion, Yue Qingyuan.” Shen Qingqiu hissed. 

Yue Qingyuan winced. “Ah, apologies. I overstepped.” He said, his expression faltering into a more dejected appearance.

Shen Yuan frowned, confused by the sudden hostility. He wanted to protest that Yue Qingyuan had done nothing wrong but before he could, his brother motioned for him to come back to him. He hesitantly obeyed, only after giving his Qi-Ge another hug. 

His brother guided him away from Yue Qingyuan and Qi Qingqi, leading him to where they would be sat during the meeting. The only reason he didn’t protest was because he knew he’d be sitting in between Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan during the meeting, so they wouldn’t have to be apart for long.

Ming Fan would be sitting on the other side of Shen Qingqiu, giving him the opportunity to learn what he could from the meeting and even have a chance to jump in and help.

Shen Yuan resisted grumbling before he heard the doors of the building get kicked open. Startled, he whipped his head around to see Liu Qingge in the doorway. With Luo Binghe tucked under one of his arms, squirming in an attempt to get free. Shen Yuan gawked at the sight. “Binghe!?” 

Binghe had been barely able to wheeze out a, “Thank you, Shizun.” After being put down before Liu Qingge walked off, greeting Yue Qingyuan and Qi Qingqi. Binghe looked around after catching his breath before he caught sight of Shen Yuan. “A-Yuan!”

A grin overtook Binghe’s face, causing Shen Yuan’s face to heat up and his stomach to flip. A totally normal reaction to seeing your friend after such an abrupt goodbye! Shen Yuan quickly rushed over to the boy before promptly being pulled in a hug by the waist. He giggled as he hugged back, running his fingers through Binghe’s hair. “Binghe, I missed you!”

“I missed you too! Shizun carried me like that the entire flight here, I was so sure he would drop me.” Binghe shuddered.

Shen Yuan pulled away from the hug, grabbing onto one of Binghe’s hands before he could protest, and used his other hand to smooth down Binghe’s hair and clothes with a smile on his face. “Well, it’s good you’re here in one piece!”

Before any more could be said, Shen Qingqiu drew their attention to him by clearing his throat. “A-Yuan, this is your… friend?” 

Shen Yuan suddenly realized, he had yet to introduce the two! He excitedly tugged Binghe with him as he went back to Shen Qingqiu. “Gege, Gege! This is Binghe, Binghe this is my brother!” Shen Yuan was practically buzzing with excitement as he introduced his two favorite people to each other. Oh, he had dreamed of this moment. But now wasn’t the time to get emotional!

Binghe was shocked at how similar the two brothers appeared. If they’d been closer in age, they could’ve been mistaken as twins! At their current ages, it would also be easy to mistake them as father and son. Quickly remembering his manners, he put his fist to his hand and embarrassingly did a clumsy bow. “Ah, I’m… This one is Luo Binghe!” After four years of speaking extremely casually with Shen Yuan, Binghe was struggling slightly with more formal speech.

Shen Qingqiu scoffed lightly at the mess, but he supposed Shen Yuan wasn’t any better. “Shen Qingqiu.” He looked Binghe up and down. “A-Yuan hasn’t stopped talking about you.”

A mortified expression immediately appeared on Shen Yuan’s face while Binghe turned bright red. “Gege!” He protested. “Don’t listen to him! He’s talking nonsense!” He quickly tried to say to Binghe.

Shen Qingqiu resisted a smug smile as he watched his didi try to insist that he was exaggerating. He… honestly thought he would never have the privilege to tease his brother like this. He was glad Shen Yuan came back to him. 

Shen Yuan eventually dragged Binghe over to where they’d be sitting during the meeting and started to show him his book on beasts. The two boys sat practically glued at the hip on a singular cushion as Shen Yuan rambled on about one specific beast that he decided was his favorite. Binghe couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

Shen Qingqiu felt like his teeth were going to rot off with how sickly sweet the two boys were with each other. He would have to keep a close eye on them as they grew up. Eventually, Shen Qingqiu took his seat next to Shen Yuan, Ming Fan following close behind and taking his seat as well.

As if following Shen Qingqiu’s lead, the rest of the peak lords and their disciples also began to settle down into their places. Much to Shen Yuan and Binghe’s disappointment, they wouldn’t be able to sit with each other during the meeting. Binghe would have to sit with Liu Qingge. After all, this was a meeting, not a play date. 

So, Shen Yuan leaned all of his weight into Shen Qingqiu’s side as he sighed, missing Binghe despite the boy literally being just down the table. Shen Qingqiu rested his arm around his overdramatic brother, resisting an eye roll every time he heard him sigh. “So dramatic. You’ll be able to talk to him at the end of the meeting.”

“I knooowww.” Shen Yuan sighed again as he opened his bestiary. 

Once Yue Qingyuan quieted the room down, Shen Yuan sat up from his leaning position as the meeting began. Shen Yuan could feel admiration rising in him as he saw his Qi-Ge acting as the sect leader, and also a hint of pride. That was his Qi-Ge!! He had always been a natural-born leader even when they were on the streets. Shen Yuan couldn’t help but be overjoyed at the fact that the man was able to rise to this position. 

His brother too. Ahh, despite their past as slaves both men had risen to such high positions and were highly respected. Shen Yuan didn’t think he could ask for more for them. 

…Maybe a little more. He wanted them to be happy as well. Shen Yuan knew that his brother and Yue Qingyuan’s relationship was extremely rocky. He wanted to ask about it but the idea of doing so was nervewracking. Twenty years had passed, who knows what could have happened while he was gone? 

He knew that they were purposefully holding back from telling him. But it was at least a little bit his business right? They didn’t have to go into detail… even something vague would ease him a small amount. 

Shen Yuan stifled another sigh and decided to go back to reading his book. Thinking about this right now was pointless. Maybe they would tell him eventually.

~

Shen Qingqiu hadn’t been exaggerating when he said that the meetings were extremely boring. Shen Yuan hadn’t even realized he’d been on the verge of falling asleep until he was jolted awake by the sound of a rising argument between his brother and Qi Qingqi. 

Rubbing his eyes, he tried to figure out what they were arguing about but his mind was still foggy with drowsiness. He glanced down at his still-open bestiary and tried to focus on that but there were a few characters he didn’t understand. 

Ah, he couldn’t ask Shen Qingqiu right now. He was busy bickering with Qi Qingqi. Good thing Yue Qingyuan was right there! 

Shen Yuan scooted his cushion closer to Yue Qingyuan, who looked slightly weary at the current dispute. When he noticed Shen Yuan moving closer to him, his expression softened and he made it so Shen Yuan could easily tuck himself under the man's arm. 

“Qi-Ge, Qi-Ge, what does this one mean?” Shen Yuan asked quietly and presented the book to Yue Qingyuan, pointing at the character he didn’t recognize.

Oh, Yue Qingyuan could feel his heart swell in his chest. Shen Yuan had come to him for help! He quickly told Shen Yuan what the character meant, a smile appearing on his face when Shen Yuan remained curled into his side after thanking him. He knew it was because Shen Qingqiu was busy arguing, but he couldn’t be blamed for being happy over his Xiao-Yuan coming to him!

By the time the argument died down and Shen Qingqiu noticed his didi had moved away, Shen Yuan had already fallen asleep against Yue Qingyuan. Shen Qingqiu would have to be six feet under before he admitted he felt his heart soften at the sight. 

After half a shichen, the meeting finally wrapped up and Shen Yuan was gently nudged awake. Had it not been only mid-day, he likely would’ve insisted on staying asleep. He’d also remembered he could talk with Binghe more now, so he couldn’t possibly stay asleep! 

Once he’d gotten to his feet, he quickly formulated a small plan in his mind to get more time with Binghe. He’d ask for a sleepover! Easy! Surely his brother would say yes—

“No.” Shen Qingqiu had said immediately. “You both have classes to attend early morning tomorrow.”

Shen Yuan groaned. “Please Gege! We’ll just go to bed early so we wake up early enough to attend classes!” 

“Oh? I can barely get you into bed at your normal time without you complaining, why should I believe you can go early?” Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow. 

“Because!” Shen Yuan huffed. “Uhm…”

“Exactly.” Shen Qingqiu put his hand on Shen Yuan’s upper back. “Stop pouting, you’ll survive.”

Shen Yuan’s pout didn’t go away, in fact, it intensified. In all honesty, if it weren’t extremely embarrassing to throw a fit at his age, he would throw himself to the ground and cry. There was also the factor that they were in public. So, he would have to go for a more discreet method. He leaned forward, promptly wrapping his arms around Shen Qingqiu and burying his face in his stomach. And that’s when he began the waterworks.

Shen Qingqiu had been unsuspecting at first, hugging the boy back and patting his head. Then he heard quiet sniffles. He pulled away slightly and was met with the sight of Shen Yuan with a tear-stained face. “Aiyah, it isn’t the end of the world! I didn’t say never now did I? What are the dramatics for?”

Shen Yuan looked up at him with big teary eyes, contemplating what to say but he decided to stay silent instead, going back to burying his face against Shen Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu held a complicated expression. “Come on, enough of the fake tears. You think you can fool the person who taught you?” He said, sighing when he heard Shen Yuan squeak. 

Shen Yuan stepped back with a guilty expression, the tears in his eyes gone as he dried his face. “I thought I got better at it…”

Shen Qingqiu pinched his cheek. “It would have likely worked on anyone else, but you forget I’m your Gege. I raised you, of course I would know when you’re faking.”

Shen Yuan huffed, swatting away the hand that was pinching him. “What if we come up with a compromise? Uhm… if we don’t go to bed early then uhm…”

“Then you can’t visit each other for three weeks.” Shen Qingqiu reluctantly said, fighting back the small smile that threatened to appear on his face when Shen Yuan ultimately burst into a bright grin. He would never admit out loud that Shen Yuan would always be able to waver his decisions easily.

Shen Yuan giggled before throwing himself at Shen Qingqiu. “Thank you thank you!!!” He practically vibrated with excitement as he hugged his brother. 

Shen Qingqiu huffed a laugh before he pet Shen Yuan’s head. “So spoiled. Go get him while I pack our stuff up.” 

“Okay!” In an instant, Shen Yuan vanished from sight on his search for Luo Binghe. Which, the boy wasn’t very difficult to find. With that luxurious curly hair and blindingly handsome face, Shen Yuan had found him within seconds of splitting from his brother. “Binghe, Binghe!”

Binghe turned to him, eyes lighting up with excitement as he parted from his shizun’s side and nearly crashed into a bone-crumbling hug. “What is it!?”

After taking his time to relish the hug, he pulled away to only hold Luo Binghe’s hands. “Gege said that you could sleep over tonight! The only condition was that we would go to bed early tonight in order to wake up for classes tomorrow.”

Binghe let out a little gasp, his eyes sparkling as he quickly looked at his Shizun. “Shizun, is it okay…?”

Liu Qingge, who had been in conversation with another peak lord gave him a short nod before turning back away. Shen Yuan’s smile was bright enough to blind an entire army as he immediately began dragging his friend back toward his brother. “We’re gonna have so much fun! It’s only mid-day right now so we have plenty of time for me to show you my room and our backyard… Oh, you could even meet Ning-Shijie and Da-Shixiong! Shijie isn’t too big of a fan of Bai Zhan disciples but I’m sure I could convince her that you’re the best…”

Luo Binghe could feel his heart fluttering as Shen Yuan rambled on and on. He was beyond excited! A-Yuan had always had a twinge of sadness in him whenever they’d been on the streets, but now that the boy had found his brother it seemed that the sadness had been sucked out of him. Which, Binghe knew that the sadness wasn’t gone. Only that boy was feeling so much happier that he didn’t have time to think of the sadness. He was sure it was still there.

“Da-Shixiong, I forgot to introduce you to Binghe!” Shen Yuan had dragged Luo Binghe in front of Ming Fan before he knew it.

Ming Fan turned his nose up. “Bai Zhan.” He noted curtly.

“Aiyah, I know you and Yingying and the rest of Qing Jing quarrel with Bai Zhan but Binghe was my friend before he was Bai Zhan!” Shen Yuan huffed. “Please please please be nice to him?” Shen Yuan grabbed onto Ming Fan’s hands and held them close together with pleading eyes. 

Well, clearly the boy had grown bold in a short time!

Ming Fan, who had not expected such an action, sputtered and turned red. “What nonsense!” He managed to get out before storming away, especially when seeing how Luo Binghe had grabbed onto Shen Yuan and held a sour expression.

‘Possessive much!?’ Ming Fan couldn’t help but think.

Shen Yuan scratched the top of his head. “Weird, I’ve never seen Da-Shixiong storm off like that. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong.” He sighed. “Maybe the animosity between Qing Jing and Bai Zhan really is too strong.”

“Don’t worry about it A-Yuan. It won’t change anything between us.” Binghe carefully said, holding Shen Yuan closer to him.

Shen Yuan huffed a laugh. “Of course it won’t! Nothing can part me from Binghe, not without a fight!” Shen Yuan grinned before continuing to drag Binghe along with him to his brother. “Gege, gege! Is it time to leave?”

Shen Qingqiu looked at the two boys before nodding. “We’ll travel by foot since Xiu Ya cannot carry three people at once. And since it seems you scared Ming Fan off.”

Shen Yuan’s face flushed red. “I didn’t mean to! I just wanted to introduce him to Binghe…” He pouted.

Shen Qingqiu raised an eyebrow, wanting to say it wasn’t necessarily Shen Yuan he thought had scared off Ming Fan. Instead, he just patted his brother's head. “It’s fine, let’s get going now if you want enough time to do something before bed.

Shen Yuan squeaked. “We have plenty of time! Don’t we?” He nervously looked outside, thinking that maybe he had calculated what time it was wrongly. “Let’s go then! C’mon c’mon!” He dragged a protesting Binghe toward the door, who couldn’t seem to get a good footing while being dragged. Shen Yuan nearly sent both of them tumbling down the front steps. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed in exasperation as he followed his brother and his friend, listening to Shen Yuan ramble about the fish in their pond and about all the new books he was able to read in their library. It was endearing, seeing his brother talk to someone this much. He didn’t think that he could talk to anyone but him so much. And even though for some odd reason he couldn’t bring himself to approve of Luo Binghe just much, it was clear how much the two cared for eachother. 

Luo Binghe better grovel at Shen Qingqiu’s feet before making any moves on his didi.

~

The introduction on Ning Yingying and Luo Binghe had gone well enough. The girl seemed more willing to accept him since she knew that he had only gone to Bai Zhan because she lost the rock paper scissors game. She stuck to calling him shidi, though. 

Shen Yuan was beyond excited to show Binghe around his new home, practically dragging to boy to all the different places before eventually ending up at the bamboo house. Shen Qingqiu had left them to their own devices so he could review his notes from the meeting. He knew that Shen Yuan would be responsible and go to the other disciples if any issues didn’t require Shen Qingqiu. 

He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of relief when he heard his brother's loud voice. Somehow, their topic had resulted in talking about beasts. Spiritual beasts in fact. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t too surprised.

Shen Yuan toured Luo Binghe around the outside of the house beforehand, showing him the swing that Shen Qingqiu had set up on the tree only a few days prior. They spent a considerable amount of time outside before finally coming inside.

“Gege, we’re home!” Shen Yuan bounded up to his brother who was sitting at a low table with papers covering it. 

“Took you long enough.” Shen Qingqiu teased, pressing a kiss to Shen Yuan’s temple as he hugged him. The boy giggled before returning to Binghe’s side. 

“You have to see my room! My bed is big enough to fit us and a whole ‘nother person!” Shen Yuan said as he dragged the Binghe toward his room. Shen Qingqiu could admire how Luo Binghe did not seem to have a trace of exasperation in his expression. His face remained sickenly infatuated with every word Shen Yuan seemed to say. 

Shen Qingqiu sighed as he went back to his work, tuning out Shen Yuan’s rambling in the other room. Seriously, he never knew the boy could be this loud with anyone other than him and Yue Qingyuan! It spread a small amount of warmth in his heart.

As it grew later and later, he heard the boys quiet down. The sun had set, so Shen Qingqiu began to brew Shen Yuan’s calming tea. Once it was finished, he gently knocked on the boy’s bedroom door before pushing it open. 

Ah. The boys were fast asleep on the bed already. Their limbs tangled together as they cuddled in such a weird formation that Shen Qingqiu had to hold himself back from laughing at the sight. He placed the tea down on Shen Yuan’s nightstand and pulled the covers over his brother and friend before pressing a kiss to Shen Yuan’s forehead. He resisted a smile when Shen Yuan made a small noise in his sleep at that.

He left the room, his heart feeling warmer than it had in years. Thank the heavens that Shen Yuan was finally back with him, even if the way he was was less than ideal. 

~

“Gege?”

Shen Yuan’s voice startled Shen Qingqiu out of his focus on his work. He looked at his brother with a confused expression. “A-Yuan? Is everything okay? Did you have a nightmare?”

Shen Yuan shook his head, only moving closer to Shen Qingqiu and eventually sitting close to his side. “Woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.”

“I’ll brew you a new cup of calming tea.” But before Shen Qingqiu could move, Shen Yuan had tugged on his sleeve so he would stay. 

“Gege, can I ask you something?” Nervousness had overtaken Shen Yuan’s expression, only furthering Shen Qingqiu’s worry.

“Of course you can, A-Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu snaked an arm around Shen Yuan and he pulled his didi close to offer comfort.

Shen Yuan pressed his lips together and his eyebrows furrowed deeply as he thought of the proper words. “I… I know that it’s been many years since we got separated. I Just… I missed everything that happened after I— After I…” He fell quiet. 

Shen Qingqiu felt a pit grow in his stomach. “Go on.” He gently squeezed Shen Yuan’s arm.

Shen Yuan sighed. “I— I  know I have no place to pry, but is there any way that I could know what happened between you and Qi-Ge?” He felt Shen Qingqiu tense, and his mind went into panic mode. “I know I know! You don’t have to answer, I have no right to pry but it’s just— you went from having such a close relationship, beating up anyone who called him Qi-Ge that wasn’t us and looking up to him, to looking at him with…” He didn’t even know how to describe the way his brother looked at Yue Qingyuan. He felt tears well up in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

A silence with sniffles filled the room. Shen Qingqiu sighed, pulling his brother into his lap and holding the boy close to his chest. “A-Yuan, listen to me.” His voice was stern but gentle. “Do not work yourself up over this matter. It is something between him and I, something that I’m not sure will ever go away. I know you want things to be like how they were before but that’s simply not possible.” He knew his words weren’t comforting, especially when he heard Shen Yuan choke back a sob. “I’m sorry. Gege is sorry. One day, just not today, I’ll explain it to you.” He said in a quiet voice. “Please do not ask again, wait for one of us to come to you to explain it.”

Even though Shen Yuan could feel his heart break, he nodded and tried to dry his tears. “Gege has nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry for bothering, I’ll go back to bed.” He whispered, pulling himself away and getting on his face.

“I’ll bring you your calming tea in a moment.” Shen Qingqiu knew his brother needed space. After all, their time apart had not been the same amount. It would take a while to adjust, and he would help his brother through it. But he needed to be a little selfish on this matter in particular. 

He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt as he made the tea. Could he have prevented all of this from happening? 

If only he knew what he’d done to be left at the Qiu Manor, for a promise so sacred to him to be broken. 

That was a matter for another time. He had a brother to take care of, a brother that he’d spoil relentlessly and make sure rose as a powerful cultivator. A brother he’d protect with his life. Oh, A-Yuan. How had things come to this?

Chapter Text

“A-Yuan! Pay attention!”

Shen Yuan instantly snapped back to reality when he heard his brother's scolding voice. Ah, that’s right! He was sparring with his brother behind the bamboo house– Oh! He yelped as he dodged a blow from Xiu Ya, trying to raise his practice sword to parry but it was knocked out of his hand in the blink of an eye as he fell backward.

Shen Qingqiu stood above Shen Yuan with an aggrieved expression. “Didi, how do you expect to get your spiritual sword if you keep getting distracted during your sparring sessions?” Shen Qingqiu questioned. 

A huff escaped Shen Yuan as he flopped fully on the ground. “I’m sorry gege! I’m just excited to see Binghe later…”

Shen Qingqiu held back an eye roll. “A-Yuan, for heaven's sake, you see him every week!” He admonished. “You’re thirteen years old already, don’t you want to get your sword as soon as you're fourteen? To do that, you have to focus on training!”

Shen Yuan let out a long sigh in response. He had only gotten distracted this once! Well… that wasn’t entirely true. He had already gotten distracted multiple times during this session, it was quite embarrassing. He just had so many things he wanted to talk to Binghe about! They weren’t together every day anymore so he had to think of what to say during their weekly hangouts! A perfectly valid reason to be distracted. 

“There you go again!” Ah, Shen Qingqiu’s voice once again tore him out of his mind. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Shen Qingqiu sheathed Xiu Ya and pulled Shen Yuan to his feet. “This isn’t getting anywhere with how distracted you are. I don’t even know why I bother!”

“Sorry gege…” Shen Yuan pouted as he was dusted off by his brother.

He flicked the middle of Shen Yuan’s forehead. “Sure you are. It is what it is, we’re about out of time anyway.” Shen Qingqiu sighed as he ignored Shen Yuan’s whining. “Just go ahead and get ready, I’ll fly you there.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up, all grievances forgotten. Without another word, he dropped the training sword and sped into the house, leaving Shen Qingqiu in the dust. He was going to see Binghe! Binghe Binghe Binghe! Oh, he should pack the bestiary he’s been working on, he got some new beasts to add to it with the new additions at the Beast Peak! Oh dear, he should also brush his hair. Eugh, maybe take a bath too. Oh, but that would take too long, wouldn’t it? He also needed a new pair of robes, the ones he had on were all scuffed up! He couldn’t possibly visit Binghe in this state! Then again, Binghe had seen him before he could even afford such nice robes. Ugh! 

+++

In the end, Shen Yuan took a bath and wore not his nicest robes, but fairly close to them. They were pale green and white with silver bamboo stalks embroidered closer to the hems near his wrists and ankles. The robes and sleeves were long and flowy as he swished them around, feeling content with the nice outfit.

Now for his hair. His brother tried to tell him to hurry but now he had to decide how to wear his hair! He had tried to plan a hairstyle in his head as he rubbed the oils into his hair, but he was still stumped! Ahh, he really shouldn’t be this worried about hair, should he? Binghe wouldn’t care…

He eventually decided to put his hair into his usual simple long braid, using a few light pink blossom hair pins that Ning Yingying had gifted him. They were a bit girly, but the way Ning Yingying’s eyes lit up every time she saw him wearing them made it worth it. Plus, they were pretty! It would be a waste to let them collect dust! They complimented the green of his robes quite well too.

Looking in the mirror, he felt quite content with how he looked. Then a small pit of anxiety grew in his stomach. Was this too much? What if Binghe was just wearing his Bai Zhan robes? What he was overdressing!? 

“A-Yuan! Hurry up and let’s go!” 

Shen Yuan gasped when he realized how long he had taken. He rushed to grab his qiankun pouch and a fan that Binghe had gifted him before pulling himself together. “Coming!” He called out as he stumbled out of the room.

Shen Qingqiu fought back his thirtieth eye roll of the day as Shen Yuan hurriedly put his boots on. Once the boy stood up, he decided to smooth a few stray hairs on his head down. “You’re like this every time. Haven’t you two known each other for seven years now? How can you possibly be this excited still?”

Shen Yuan grinned. “Binghe is my best friend! How could I not be excited to see him?”

Shen Qingqiu sighed inwardly. When would he realize it? “Alright, alright. Let’s go.” Shen Qingqiu drew Xiu Ya out of its hilt, forming a hand seal so it floated a few inches off of the ground. 

The two mounted the sword, soon flying off toward Bai Zhan Peak. Shen Qingqiu looked down at his brother, feeling himself soften slightly when he noticed the boy’s excited expression. Ah, when had Shen Yuan grown so much? The boy that had only been up to his hips was now only slightly below his chest. This child better not grow to be taller than him! Soon enough, Shen Yuan would also lose the baby fat on his face. What was Shen Qingqiu going to pinch when it was gone!? Ahh, A-Yuan, stop growing!!

Shen Qingqiu let out a huff that caused Shen Yuan to gaze at him curiously. 

+++

With his back to Binghe’s chest, Binghe had his arms around Shen Yuan’s waist as Shen Yuan rambled on about a few of his discoveries in his bestiary. They sat against a tree in a grassy, secluded area near the border between Bai Zhan and Qing Jing. It was quite a valuable discovery! It was quiet and relaxing, unlike the rest of Bai Zhan Peak. 

Shen Yuan’s rambling slowly died down before he fell quiet, letting out a quiet sigh. Binghe, who had been drinking in the sight of how beautiful Shen Yuan was today, was quite startled by the sudden mood switch. “A-Yuan? Is everything alright?”

Shen Yuan chewed on his lower lip for a moment before nodding. He could see that Binghe wasn’t going to drop it though. With another sigh, he sat up and faced Binghe. “It’s nothing– I just overheard gege and Mu-ge talking the other day.”

Binghe reached over, holding onto Shen Yuan’s hand as he spoke. “And? What did they say?’

“They… they were talking about gege going into seclusion.” He mumbled. “After I’m able to get my sword. He said he wanted at least a year to work on his cultivation.” He squeezed Binghe’s hand for comfort, eyebrows furrowing as he stared at their joined hands. “I just… I know he’s still a cultivator, not just my brother! But… a year is so long. I wouldn’t be able to see him or anything and I know I spent over five years without him before this but I still don’t want him to go.” 

Binghe listened carefully, letting Shen Yuan ramble on. Once Shen Yuan finished his rant, he slumped against Binghe once more. “Not being able to see him is a big deal.” Binghe held Shen Yuan close. “Especially after you were separated for so long. But if he does end up going into seclusion, you’ll still have me to help you get through the days without him.” 

Shen Yuan let out a small huff. “You better be there.” He said, followed by a soft laugh. “At… at least I’ll know he’ll for sure come back.”

Binghe hummed. “Exactly. If not, I’ll help you drag him out.”

That made Shen Yuan laugh loudly. “I don’t think we could if we tried!” He giggled. “Gege is suuuuper strong. I hope I can be just as strong, if not stronger.”

“If A-Yuan puts his mind to it, he could do anything.” Binghe said while nodding matter of factly.

“Oh shush you! You’re biased!” Shen Yuan’s cheeks turned pink as he fished out his fan from his sleeve and snapped it on Binghe’s head. 

Binghe yelped and tried to escape the fan's wrath, failing miserably as he simply fell to the side struggling with Shen Yuan’s weight on him. 

Shen Yuan had a grin on his face as he tried to use his full body to prevent Binghe from moving but ended up letting out an undignified squawk as he was pushed off and rolled to the side.

Their laughter rang out around the clearing as they tussled on the ground a little while longer before Shen Yuan was finally able to pin Binghe down. Using one hand to hold Binghe’s hands above his head, he used the other to give another solid thwack! to Binghe’s forehead with his fan. He giggled as Binghe surged up when he let go, encapsulated in a tight hug. “I won!” He teased and he smoothed down some stray hairs on Binghe’s head.

“Mhmm, whatever!” Binghe’s voice was muffled as he buried his face against Shen Yuan’s chest. 

Shen Yuan let out a soft laugh, petting Binghe’s head with a smile. 

What Shen Yuan was completely missing, was Binghe’s bright red face that he hid. Flustered underestimated how Luo Binghe currently felt as he held onto his best friend. 

Shen Yuan hummed a random tune for a few moments before he tucked Binghe’s head under his chin. “Thank you for staying with me, Binghe. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He whispered.

Binghe had a hidden smile, not being able to help but think, I’ll stay with you my entire life if you allow it.

+++

Shen Yuan felt hands gently shake him awake. “ A-Yuan.” He heard his brother’s voice calling for him. 

He grumbled a bit as he reluctantly opened his eyes, squinting as bright sunlight hit him. Shen Qingqiu sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over so he could affectionately brush the hair out of his didi’s face. “Gege… too early gege…” Shen Yuan mumbled, trying to hide his face in his pillow.

A snort came from Shen Qingqiu as he gently pinched the boy's side, enticing a shriek from him. “I’ve already let you sleep in quite late. Don’t you remember what today is?”

Shen Yuan genuinely had to stop and think for a few moments before he bolted into a sitting position with a gasp. “It’s my birthday!”

“And the day you get your spiritual sword.” Shen Qingqiu said with a soft smile as he cupped one side of Shen Yuan’s face.

Shen Yuan’s eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets. “Really!?” He almost shouted, now on the verge of bursting with energy. 

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes affectionately. “Yes, really. You’ve been long ready for one.” He spoke with a hint of pride in his voice. A scoff mixed with a laugh escaped him as Shen Yuan suddenly tackled him with a hug. He said nothing, only held tightly onto him with rising pride. Oh dear, his brother really was growing up fast. How was the boy fourteen already?

“Thank you thank you thank you!!” Shen Yuan’s smile was bright enough it could blind the sun itself. “I love you so much gege!”

“I love you too didi.” Shen Qingqiu pressed a kiss to the top of Shen Yuan’s forehead. “Now go get ready. We need to head to Wan Jian Peak soon, your Wei-Shishu is expecting us soon.”

“What!? Gege, you should have woken me up earlier! What am I going to wear!?” Shen Yuan broke out of the hug, practically leaping off of the bed to scrounge through his wardrobe that seemed to be growing with no end with how much his brother and the other peak lords spoiled him. 

“Wear something light. It’s going to be very hot outside since your birthday somehow manages to always land on the hottest day of the year every time.” Shen Qingqiu idly said as he watched his brother panic. 

“Right! Good idea!” He quickly chose an outfit that was only about three layers: the first layer white, the second layer light green, and the last layer jade green identical to his eyes. The skirt had white cranes embroidered into it while the long flowy sleeves had white swirly clouds near the hems. “Gege, gege, can you do my hair?” He asked while out of breath from struggling to get the robes on.

Shen Qingqiu nodded, motioning for Shen Yuan to sit on the stool in front of the vanity he had in his room. Once he was sat, Shen Qingqiu got up to stand behind him and looked across the vanity at the variety of hairpins and crowns to get an idea. He eventually settled on pulling the boy's hair into a high bun and leaving the front free while pinning it up with a simple silver hair crown with a few embedded pieces of jade. He figured it went well with the rest of Shen Yuan’s outfit. 

Shen Yuan squirmed as Shen Qingqiu pressed a kiss to his temple before giggling and throwing himself at his brother. “Thank you gege!” 

Shen Qingqiu huffed a laugh as he caught Shen Yuan in his arms. “Of course A-Yuan. Now go wash your face before we leave.”

“Okay, gege!”

~

Shen Yuan’s heart raced as he and his brother landed on Wan Jian Peak. He was going to get a spiritual sword! A real spiritual sword! He’d always admired Xiu Ya and Xuan Su from the moment he laid eyes on them, now he was going to have his own! Ning Yingying had already received her sword nearly a year ago, making Shen Yuan the only disciple of Qing Jing without one. 

It truly was very hot out just as Shen Qingqiu said it would be. But despite the heat and humidity, it failed to make him sluggish as excitement coursed through his veins!

He felt slightly lightheaded as he saw Wei Qingwei in the distance, waiting at the entrance of the cave where he’d be going to receive his sword. This was real. This was real! This meant he could also go down the mountain on missions as well! He wondered what his sword would look like, what its name would be! 

“Shen-Shixiong! Shen-Shizhi!” Wei Qingwei called out while waving when he spotted the pair. He had a wide grin on his face as he jogged over to meet them. “Shizhi! Happy birthday, are you ready to receive your sword!?”

Shen Yuan beamed. “Thank you! And yes!!” He bounced slightly up and down in place while Wei Qingwei laughed. 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t fight back the smile that escaped onto his face as he watched how excited Shen Yuan was. “A-Yuan, are you ready?” When the boy nodded his head yes, Shen Qingqiu pet his head. “Do you remember what I told you? When you go into the cave, you’ll feel a tug on your golden core. You simply have to find the sword that’s tugging on it. It should take no longer than half a shichen.”

Shen Yuan nodded. “I remember gege. And when I draw the sword, I’ll know its name on instinct.”

“Good. Is he alright to go in now?” Shen Qingqiu looked at Wei Qingwei for confirmation.

Wei Qingwei nodded. “Yup! Best to have him go now before he explodes with anticipation.” He laughed while Shen Yuan began turning red. 

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes while he began guiding Shen Yuan toward the entrance. “Go ahead didi, we’ll be waiting for you right out here.”

Shen Yuan looked up at his brother, suddenly feeling a little nervous. He stepped forward, quickly gaining another hug from his brother to get rid of his jitters. With a few more words of encouragement from Shen Qingqiu, Shen Yuan finally managed to part from him and enter the cave. 

Shen Yuan was quickly submerged in darkness as he trailed down the long tunnel. He felt himself grow more on edge the longer he was in the thinning tunnel, his breathing growing more and more uneven. His brother had warned him how tight the tunnel got before reaching the cavern where the wall of swords resided, but he still felt himself caught off guard. He paused in his walking to take a few deep breaths, reminding himself that he could turn around and run out if he got overwhelmed. There was nothing trapping him in here, he was free to leave any time. 

He pushed onward, keeping his hand on one of the walls to keep himself steady and grounded. He kept his eyes shut as walked, only reopening them when light hit his eyelids. He felt a huge amount of weight lifted off of his shoulders when he saw the hall widening to the cavern that held the swords. He suddenly felt a spark of excitement once again as his steps quickened. 

The cavern was gorgeous. There were swords covering nearly every wall, glittering as the light from glowing stones shone on the ceiling of the cave. It lit the cave nicely, creating a calm ambiance. On the walls that didn’t contain swords instead held long vines littered with flowers along their length, trailing into a pond that was crystal clear with a few lily pads floating atop the water. He could feel the abundance of spiritual energy all around him buzzing underneath his skin.

Shen Yuan was so immersed in the beauty of the cave that he hadn’t even noticed the tugging on his golden core until a particularly strong tug. He gasped softly as he tried to follow where he was being tugged but suddenly– he was tugged in the other direction! 

Confused, Shen Yuan tried to follow the tug but he kept getting mixed directions– it was like he was being pulled in multiple different directions at once! 

Then there was rattling. His mouth fell agape as the floor began to shake beneath him, the swords on the walls vibrating in place. This… this wasn’t something his brother said would happen!!!

Shen Yuan yelped as he was forcefully pulled to the side and then pulled back. He stumbled before falling forward, barely saving himself from faceplanting. He groaned as he rolled onto his back, letting out a huff as he pushed himself back to his feet. 

He closed his eyes, taking a calming breath as he circulated his Qi throughout his body as a way to get his golden core under control. The rattling of the swords abruptly came to a halt, even the shaking of the ground ceasing. 

With his eyes still closed, Shen Yuan focused on the tugging of his golden core once again. This time, he was pulled in only one direction. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes before he began to move, following the strong tugging to one of the walls that was covered in vines. He shivered as he waded through the shallow pond that was in front of the wall but he didn’t stop. Even as his clothes from the thigh down got thoroughly soaked through he followed the tugging. 

He reached the wall, stopping momentarily as he noticed there were swords very well hidden within the vines. They blended in with the flowers that grew amongst the vines, not very noticeable until up close. His eyes were wide as he gazed upon a particular sword, the tugging on his core bringing him directly to it. The hilt was a deep jade green, and from what he could see of the blade it was a very light silver that shone like the stars in the sky, almost easy to mistake for white. 

Shen Yuan held his breath as his hand shakily reached out for the sword. As he reached for it, the sword began vibrating in the wall as if excited. A soft laugh fell from his lips as his hand wrapped around the hilt, a wave of spiritual energy that felt like a cool breeze coursing through his veins at the first touch. 

Any nervousness that he held slowly trickled away as he pulled the sword from the wall, the sound of the metal scraping like music to his ears. His eyes crinkled as his mouth curled into a wide smile. “Hello there.” He whispered as he turned the sword over to examine it. “I’m Shen Yuan, it’s nice to meet you.” The sword hummed as if it were greeting him back, causing him to let out a giggle as he held the sword to his chest. “You have a beautiful name, Chao Xing!”

Chao Xing hummed louder, seeming overjoyed as Shen Yuan began to weigh it in his grip. Chao Xing was the perfect weight, the hilt wasn’t too heavy and the blade wasn’t too light. Oh, he loved his sword already! Tears sprung to his eyes and he took a few steps away from the wall before taking a deep breath. 

He began to run through the sword forms he’d been taught with Chao Xing. He flowed through each form without hitch, performing them with grace. The water splashed around him, failing to hinder his movements as he zipped around. Shen Yuan couldn’t help but let out soft laughter as he moved, feeling happier and happier every moment he used Chao Xing. 

This was so much better than a training sword! Chao Xing just– felt right! Like it was a piece of him he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing. He came to a halt, panting softly from over-exertion. Ah, he had to show it to his brother!

How long had he been in here now? He’d lost track of time pretty fast but there was no way it had been longer than a quarter of a shichen, right?”

He waded out of the pond, scrunching out as much water as he could from his pants and robes before making his way back to the hallway that led outside. He softly bit his lip as he held onto Chao Xing with one hand and the wall with the other. Before he could grow anxious, Chao Xing began softly vibrating in his hand before emitting a soft glow. He felt comfort grow in his chest as he felt calmer than he had the previous time he’d walked this hallway. 

When he saw the light from the outside trickling in, he nearly sprinted toward the exit. He slowed down when he heard chatter, eventually coming to a stop when he realized it was actually arguing. “Shen-Shixiong, I assure you he’s okay. Some take longer than others!”

“That doesn’t explain the shaking from earlier! What if something happened to him!?”

“Ah, shidi, Xiao-Yuan is very strong. I’m sure he is alright–”

Shen Yuan was dumbfounded. When… when had the sun gotten so high in the sky!? And they had felt the cavern shaking from all the way out here!? Just how long had he been gone!!? When Shen Qingqiu caught sight of Shen Yuan, he could’ve crushed every single bone in the boy's body with the tight hug he captured him in. “You! What took you so long!? And why are you soaked!? Did you take a swim in the pond or something!?”

Shen Yuan couldn’t help but giggle as his face was attacked with kisses from his brother. “Gege! I mean, kind of? I had to go through it for my sword…” 

Shen Qingqiu pulled away from Shen Yuan, his eyebrows furrowed. “There’s swords on that wall?” 

Wei Qingwei let out a whistle from behind them. “There sure are. That’s where the oldest swords reside, swords older than even our Shizun’s Shizuns.” He explained. “They are very hard to see if you’re not up close. Speaking of which, let us see it!” 

Shen Yuan nodded, stepping a few steps back before holding Chao Xing out for them to see. Its blade shone like freshly fallen snow as the sunlight hit it. “It suits you very well.” Shen Qingqiu commented proudly as he gazed at it. 

Shen Yuan’s smile was almost as bright as the blade was. Yue Qingyuan, who Shen Yuan had no idea when he’d gotten there, stepped forward to examine the sword as well. “It’s quite beautiful. What is its name?”

“Chao Xing!” He responded excitedly, happiness bubbling up inside of him as his sword was praised again and again. The sword even began to buzz as it basked in everyone’s attention.

Wei Qingwei nodded. “A very fitting name. Let’s get it its sheath shall we? Your brother happened to send in a specific design for it a few weeks ago and it's done and ready for your Chao Xing.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up and he whipped around to look at his brother. “Gege!? Did you really!?” 

Shen Qingqiu flicked his fan open and held it in front of his fan. “Let’s go see if it was done right.” He huffed. “On the way, you can tell us how everything happened.”

Shen Yuan smiled widely. “Okay!!!” He said before turning to Yue Qingyuan. “Qi-ge Qi-ge, are you coming with?” He asked excitedly. 

Yue Qingyuan shook his head sadly. “Unfortunately I can’t Xiao-Yuan. I was in the middle of urgent paperwork when I came to investigate the tremors coming from here.” He explained. “But I’ll see you later tonight to give you your gifts.” He pet Shen Yuan’s head before giving him a quick hug. “Happy birthday baobei. You should be very proud of your sword.”

His excitement died a little but a gentle warmth spread in him. “It’s okay Qi-ge! I’ll see you later!” He hugged Yue Qingyuan tightly. “Thank you so much!”

“A-Yuan! Let’s get going!” Shen Qingqiu called to him.

“Coming gege!” Shen Yuan parted from the hug. “Bye Qi-ge!” He waved as he returned to his brother's side, Chao Xing held close to his chest. 

Shen Yuan proceeded to ramble the entire way to the workshop where the sheathe for his sword would be. He couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful the cavern was and how crazy it was for it to start shaking and all the swords to be vibrating in place. Not to mention how cool it was to find his sword behind the vines with his golden core! Just everything about the experience was awesome! Except for the dark cramped hallway… then again even that wasn’t that bad with Chao Xing by his side! 

Shen Yuan returned home that day with his very own spiritual sword and a beautiful sheathe designed by Shen Qingqiu. It was white with bamboo stalks carefully embroidered into the sheath with dark green thread and silver accents. It was simple but elegant, and Shen Yuan loved it. 

That night, he had a small celebration where he was spoiled absolutely rotten. He swears that Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan seemed to get him more and more gifts every year that passed! Even Ning Yingying had gotten him a bunch of gifts.

Though, his favorite gift had been a hairpin gifted to him by Binghe. It was made of crystal and one end had been carved to look like a swirly cloud. He had asked Binghe to put it in his hair, practically buzzing with happiness. 

He fell asleep slumped against Binghe, worn out from the exciting day. 

He loved his family very much.

Chapter Text

A few weeks after Shen Yuan received his sword, Cang Qiong had been informed of a demon terrorizing a town a distance away. The same man who had come to inform them of it had gotten on his knees and begged for Cang Qiong’s help, informing them that there had been nine deaths already. 

Thus, Shen Qingqiu took it upon himself to take it as a training opportunity for his disciples. 

Shen Yuan was buzzing with nervousness as he got ready for his first mission. Once he was dressed and had his hair pulled into a simple low bun with his tattered green ribbon he decided he was as ready as he could be. He tied Chao Xing to his left hip and a fan and qiankun pouch to his right before leaving his room. “Gege! I’m ready!”

Shen Qingqiu had been patiently waiting beside the door. He gave a quick nod of acknowledgment to Shen Yuan before opening the door for him. “Let’s get going then.”

Shen Yuan walked alongside his brother as they descended the mountain to the mountain gates, a carriage already waiting for Shen Qingqiu and horses surrounding it for the disciples. He gasped softly when he saw the horses and immediately sped away to pet them, causing Shen Qingqiu to let out an exasperated but fond sigh.

He followed Shen Yuan closely, nodding to the disciples who scrambled to greet him. A few of the disciples were already on their horses and chuckled quietly as Shen Yuan eagerly petted them.

“Shizun! Yuanyuan!” Ning Yingying came bounding up to the brothers with a grin on her face and in her hands the reins of two horses closely behind her. “Yuanyuan, this is your horse now! You can ride alongside me!” 

Shen Yuan’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he was told there was a horse for him, even more when Yingying handed him the reins of a beautiful solid black horse with a tuft of white fur on its forehead. He looked up at his brother, looking for confirmation that this was in fact now his horse. When he was given a nod, he felt slightly weak in the knees as he looked back at the horse. 

Despite being spoiled absolutely rotten for the past four years, he didn’t think he could ever get used to it. All these nice things that he thought would forever be out of his reach were simply handed to him. “It's so pretty…” Shen Yuan whispered before letting out a yelp as the horse bent its neck over his shoulder and dragged him toward its body. He laughed, reaching up and wrapping his arms around its neck with a wide smile. 

Shen Qingqiu’s expression softened uncontrollably at the sight of how happy Shen Yuan was. He watched as Ning Yingying helped Shen Yuan onto his new horse and let out a quiet, affectionate sigh to himself before turning to the carriage. He had a strange feeling these two were going to cause him a headache during this mission.

After all the disciples settled down on their horses and everything had been loaded onto the carriage, the group began their journey to Shuang Hu City. 

~

The city was bustling as they gained entry. Shen Yuan had actually recognized the place vaguely as somewhere he and Binghe had passed through once before. It wasn’t a large city, but it had plenty of vendors who were willing to be kind and spare some food for him and Binghe when they’d asked. 

As they were passing through, he noticed a few kids standing on the side of the road looking up at the group with sparkling eyes. He couldn’t help but be reminded of himself when he saw them, young and envious of rich cultivators. He gave a warm smile to the children, waving at them and giggling when they started jumping with excitement while waving back. 

They soon arrived at the mansion where the Old Master who’d sent someone to them resided. Shen Yuan stood close to Shen Qingqiu, not seeming to be able to shake off his habit of latching onto his brother. At least he wasn’t actually holding onto him! Not that Shen Qingqiu ever seemed to mind. 

Once all of the horses were properly situated in the stables, they headed into the mansion to greet Old Master Chen. The man moaned and groaned about his two concubines who’d been victims of the demon terrorizing the city, all while the man had a young girl named Die-er in her teens sitting nearly fully in his lap while he rubbed her hands. 

Shen Yuan had to pull his fan out and flick it open to hide the disgust on his face. He wasn’t yet able to school his expression perfectly like Shen Qingqiu, that’s what made a fan a trusty tool! As long as his eyes showed nothing, those in front of him couldn’t see the way he was absolutely judging them with all his being. 

And in this current moment, he was judging! How could he not be disturbed at the sight of a sixty-year-old coot caressing a young girl who looked to be no older than Shen Yuan himself!? How was something like this allowed!? 

He almost cried with relief when Shen Qingqiu said he was going to take his leave to retreat to where he’d be staying overnight. He was fully ready to follow his brother to where they’d be staying but to his mortification— Shen Qingqiu stopped him!

“Stay with Ming Fan, remember this is a training opportunity for the disciples and you are included with them.” Said his traitor of a brother. 

Shen Yuan hung his head. “Okay, Gege.” Said the betrayed as he trudged back to his da-shixiong, who was making small talk with Old Master Chen to figure out more details. As much as he wanted to fight back and insist on staying with his brother, he was interested in this demon!

How could he not be intrigued? Apparently, the victims of the demon were skinned from head to toe with perfect precision, almost as if the skin had never been on the bodies at all. As disgusting as it was, he couldn’t help but be curious as to whether or not they could catch the demon. Therefore, he stayed by Ming Fan and decided that this could be practice for him to see how long he could keep his expression blank and not show how he wanted to scream and slap the Old Master. 

He watched enviously as Ning Yingying drifted away from the group and seemingly headed to Shen Qingqiu’s room. She was most likely going to ask to go out to the market and he knew his brother would let her. Ah, Yingying, please convince him to let Shen Yuan go as well! 

As he began to follow Ming Fan out of the mansion to investigate the locations where some of the victims had been killed, Ning Yingying came bounding up to him.

“Yuanyuan! Let’s go to the market together! Shizun permitted us to go!” Said Shen Yuan’s savior. 

Shen Yuan could have wept with joy. He looked at Ming Fan, waiting for confirmation that he wasn’t needed. Ming Fan gave an exasperated sigh along with a nod, “Shifu already gave permission, go ahead.”

Ecstatic, he bounded off with Ning Yingying toward where all of the stalls were. Some time had passed and it seemed the rush hour had passed, making the crowds less overwhelming. The two ventured into the city, admiring all the nice things that were being sold. Shen Yuan even bought a small pack of hair ribbons for Yingying while she wasn’t looking and a fan for Shen Qingqiu. He hummed as he looked around for something for Binghe, his eyes eventually settling on a sword tassel.

Binghe told him that he should obtain his sword sometime soon, this would be a perfect gift! He bickered with the seller for a bit because he was clearly trying to sell it for a way higher price than it was worth. As if Shen Yuan was that stupid! Listen, just because he has a nearly endless allowance doesn’t mean he’s going to let himself get scammed! There was a satisfied expression on his face as he examined the tassel closely. It was quite beautiful and handmade with care. It had an intricate design crafted with dark green string along with green and clear beads with a jade stone connecting everything in the middle. 

Ning Yingying soon came trotting over, tanghulu in hand. When she saw the tassel in Shen Yuan’s hand, her eyes lit up with a teasing glint to her smile. “Oh? Could that possibly be for your Binghe?” 

Shen Yuan’s face turned red in the blink of an eye. He held the tassel to his chest, his defenses going up. “What are you implying!? He said he was close to getting his sword, I just wanted to get him a congratulatory gift in advance!” ‘Your Binghe’ what kind of nonsense was this girl spouting!? It’s like she wanted him to return the gift he’d gotten her!

Ning Yingying giggled, a knowing look in her eyes. “Whatever you say Yuanyuan!” She chirped innocently. “Let’s get something to eat, I’m starving! And Tanghulu isn’t going to satiate it!”

Shen Yuan let out a huff, giving up on the spat. No matter what he tried, she would always tease him! Still, she was speaking nonsense! It was a simple gift nothing more to it, no matter how much his face reddened and his heart raced at the thought of it being something more. “Okay, fine. I think I know a good steamed bun stand nearby, let’s go there.” He grumbled as he put the tassel into his qiankun pouch. 

Yingying couldn’t help but laugh again, ruffling Shen Yuan’s hair to mess with him. At this point, she was nearly as bad as Shen Qingqiu! No wonder he found himself slipping up and wanting to call her Jie. 

He let out a long sigh before eventually giggling alongside her as they ran off in the direction of the stall, blissfully unaware of the darkening sky. 

~

Shen Yuan swung his legs as he and Yingying sat side by side eating their steamed buns. He had a warm fuzzy feeling buzzing inside of him– the stall that they had gone to was one of the ones he’d gone to years ago asking for leftovers with Binghe and the woman who ran it recognized him! She was an old woman who cooed over him and claimed she could never forget his brilliant green eyes while pinching at the last bits of baby fat on his face. 

He glanced up at the sky that was colored with pinks, reds, and oranges as the sun set in the sky. “Yingying, we should head back. Gege’s gonna get upset if we’re not back before nightfall.”

Ning Yingying let out a big sigh. “I don’t want to go back! That mansion gives me the creeps with how that old raisin was feeling up that girl right in front of us!” She shuddered.

Shen Yuan nodded solemnly in agreement. “Still, we shouldn’t be out late while the demon is running about.” He said despite also not wanting to see the old coot and the concubine again. 

“You’re right, let’s get going then.” Ning Yingying hung her head as she got up, dragging her steps while Shen Yuan followed close behind. 

Shen Yuan found himself also dragging his steps. Ahh, he couldn’t wait to lie down in a bed. No one had warned him horseback riding could leave you sore! And it was certainly starting to get worse the more he walked. He let out a tired sigh, his gaze drifting to a stall that had a couple of masks and other cute trinkets. He paused in his walking, hesitating for a moment as he felt the urge the check the stall out. “Ah, Yingying–”

When he turned back, the girl had vanished! He froze as he looked around semi-frantically. Just how had she disappeared in a split second?? The corner that they were at was very busy but still, she would be calling out for him right?

Anxiety swept over him as he began to rush around. “Yingying!? Yingying, where did you go?!” He called out as he scanned every inch of the market. She wasn’t at any of the nearby stalls nor was she in any of the alleys, where could she have gone? Every instinct was telling him to run back to the Chen Mansion to get help but he instead found himself venturing deeper into the city, calling for Yingying. Ah… he had a bad feeling. 

He felt foolish. How could he possibly find her alone? While the city wasn’t big, it wasn’t exactly small either. He glanced down an alleyway, picking at the skin around his nails before eventually coming to the conclusion that he would need to get back to his brother for help. 

He turned to exit the alley before he abruptly stopped when a strong wave of goosebumps ran down his back. A gasp barely escaped him when something harshly collided with his head, his vision blacking out. 

+++

“–yuan! Yuanyuan!” Ning Yingying’s sob pierced through Shen Yuan’s head as he slowly regained consciousness. “Yuanyuan wake up! Please!”

Shen Yuan let out a soft groan, rapidly blinking as he tried to focus on Yingying’s voice. His head was pounding and he couldn’t move, bound by some kind of rope. He was eventually able to lift his head, greeted by the sight of an absolutely miserable Ning Yingying. Ah! That’s right, they had been at the market and Yingying had randomly vanished— the events all came rushing back to him, alertness suddenly flooding him. 

Yingying seemed to somewhat calm down when she saw Shen Yuan regaining consciousness. “Yuanyuan, are you okay?” Her voice was hoarse, as if she’d been crying for long. 

Shen Yuan nodded after a moment, scanning Ning Yingying for any injuries. He opened his mouth to ask if she was alright as well but a dark silhouette abruptly moved out of the dark shadows of the room with a bone-chilling chuckle. “You know, I was quite surprised to find out that the Qing Jing Peak Lord had a younger brother.” A hoarse voice spoke from under the black veil that the silhouette wore. “I thought you may be something great, but turns out a little knock to the head and you were out!”

Shen Yuan squinted, refusing to acknowledge that his face turned a shade of pink from embarrassment. “The skinner demon?” He tested after a moment, refusing to let them get the better of him. 

The skinner demon let out a humph! “That’s right!” They said, letting out maniacal laughter that caused Ning Yingying to flinch away. “To think that I have such an important gem in my hands… good thing you’re as foolish as you are! I bet you couldn’t even guess my identity if you use all of your wits!”

Well, that was just rude! Shen Yuan let out an offended huff, tilting his head back to look up at the demon. “Why do you think that, Die-er?”

The skinner demon froze in place before ripping off the veil to reveal an enraged Die-er. “You! How could you have possibly known!” She snapped in irritation. 

Shen Yuan was truly dumbfounded.

To think she’d give in so easily without a hint of fight! He felt as if he were reading one of his trashy novels where every character had a negative IQ! And how could he possibly not know? It was clear they had been transported back to the Chen Manor the moment he regained consciousness. He wasn’t dumb, he could easily smell how expensive the furniture around them was! The Chen Manor was the only place in town that could possibly afford all of this!

As for her identity, she was the only one he’d been introduced to! The only name he knew! It was a shot in the dark, it wasn’t his fault that she’d given in without protest!

Shen Yuan’s head reeled as Die-er went into a whole spiel that he couldn’t be bothered to listen to while his head pounded. Ah, he should be working on escaping. He wiggled his arms a little bit to see if he could shake the knife that he kept hidden in his sleeve to his hand but there was a factor that he didn’t seem to notice up until now. 

He was lacking sleeves.

In fact, he was lacking clothes in general.

Ah.

He’d… He’d been stripped naked!

Mortified, his face went bright red as he looked down to see only his pants and shoes remained. Oh good heavens, someone give him Chao Xing so he can dig his grave! He felt as if he were going to fall over and shortly be on his way to greet Meng Po and drink her soup.

His eyes darted around as he continued to pay no attention to what Die-er was saying, desperately searching for his clothes and Chao Xing. What snapped his attention back to Die-er was her approaching Ning Yingying, who screamed at the sight. “Demon! Don’t come near me!” She sobbed. “Shizun help me! Someone! Yuanyuan!” 

Die-er had a wicked grin. “Brat! No one can help you, your Shizun will never find you and your Yuanyuan is bound with immortal binding cables! His spiritual energy is inaccessible!” 

Ah, inaccessible? His energy felt as if it were very low, but it was certainly still accessible. He just hadn’t gathered enough to destroy the cables just yet!

But it seemed that Die-er was unaware of this fact. How could she not, with how she had wrapped Shen Yuan with extra immortal binding cables when she’d figured out he had an absurd amount of spiritual energy? Seriously, how did this kid have so much?! She doubted that even the sect leader of Cang Qiong had as much!

His eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He needed to keep the demon rambling to give him more time. With a forced and awkward laugh, he questioned, “Don’t you only target young beautiful girls? What’s the point of kidnapping me as well?”

Die-er’s attention snapped to him. “Who said that I only target young beautiful girls?” He snapped. “As long as their skin is fine and smooth, I’ll take anyone.”

Ah. Wrong question to ask perhaps? 

He shuddered, hating that he now knew he was very much a possible victim. He had missed whatever she’d said afterward and also the ramble that followed close by, not that he cared much. Then suddenly, Die-er’s attention locked onto him again, this time her eyes flashing green with envy and a yearning expression overcoming her face.

“You cultivators truly are different,” She murmured, approaching Shen Yuan and running her hands up and down his upper body. “Despite being a man, your skin is so smooth and glossy. It’s truly been so long since I had my male skin…”

Ew!

Ew!

EW!

Where do you think you’re putting those hands lady!? 

Despite him doing everything he could to channel his inner Shen Qingqiu, he couldn’t keep his expression placid! Oh, no one tell him that he truly didn’t try that hard… disgust overtook his expression as he tried to shrink away from Die-er’s wandering hands. His face went red then green then back to red. Oh good god, he couldn’t take this anymore!

Die-er, who’d been so focused on his skin, froze in place when Shen Yuan’s skin seemed to suddenly be glowing ever so slightly. Bewildered, they began to back away but before they could step too far, there was a sudden flash of light!

Die-er screamed as Qi exploded from Shen Yuan’s body, sending them flying along with the immortal binding cables that were no longer in one piece. They crashed into the pillar that Ning Yingying had been tied to, subsequently breaking said pillar enough to free her. 

Shen Yuan didn’t waste a single moment once he’d been freed from the cables. Forming a hand seal, Chao Xing flew from a dark corner into his hands. Oh, how he’d missed his sword! He held onto the sheathe while he formed another seal, sending the sword flying after the Skinner Demon.

Ning Yingying flung herself to the floor with her hands over her head while sobbing as Shen Yuan cycled through his sword forms to defeat Die-er. This demon was slippier than they looked! Frustration formed in him and suddenly he couldn’t stand this any longer! He flung himself forward, gathering all his spiritual energy into one hand when he saw Die-er was now cornered. 

With no where to go, the Skinner Demon could only let out a horrific shriek as Shen Yuan’s hand lashed out with a palm strike and slamming into their chest. 

Ah.

That was the first time he’d killed.

It was justified, but looking at the state that Die-er was in with their limbs broken and bleeding out of the seven facial apertures he couldn’t help but feel nauseous. With a pale face, he found his clothes, feeling grateful that he had chosen simple robes for the trip. He redressed and tied his hair back, only just noticing it had come undone.

He clenched and unclenched his hands before finally going to Ning Yingying, who hadn’t moved from her spot, and carefully patting her on the back. “Yingying, it’s okay. The demon is dead.” He told her, hoping to bring her some comfort. When she managed to calm somewhat, he helped pull her to her feet as tears continued to fall down her face. After a moment, he decided to say, “Jie, lets go find gege and tell him it’s dead, okay?”

Pausing in her crying, she soon nodded and grabbed onto Shen Yuan’s sleeve. “I’m sorry Yuanyuan. I’m the worst shijie ever.”

Shen Yuan shook his head without hesitation. “No, you’re not. It’s okay to be afraid.” For heaven’s sake, he would never admit it but he’d been terrified out of his mind the whole time.

Oh goodness, Ning Yingying burst into another fit of sobs after Shen Yuan spoke. She surged forward and hugged him tightly as she cried. Shen Yuan didn’t dare pull away, determined to comfort this dear shijie of his. 

Soon enough, Shen Qingqiu and co burst into the room to find this scene of Shen Yuan and Ning Yingying, both pale faced and hugging eachother for comfort, in a destroyed room with the body of the dead skinner demon in the corner. 

Shen Qingqiu’s usual aloof expression cracked with utter relief when he spotted the two. “A-Yuan, Ying-er!” He rushed to the two pulling them into a bone crushing hug, not able to find it in him to scold the two when he saw the state of everything. 

The duo was ushered out of the room by Shen Qingqiu, passing by disciples who were completely flummoxed by the events that were occurring. First, their Xiao-Shidi and Xiao-Shimei had both vanished and were sent on a search for them, and after not finding a single trace it’s turns out they had been in the Chen Manor this whole time! And not to mention the state the two were in! Ning Yingying was still breaking down in tears and Shen Yuan looked as if he could be paler then a ghost!

Ah… their Shizun was not going to be happy with them with how this mission turned out. Ming Fan could already sense the oncoming reprimands and lectures they would receive once they returned to the sect. 

They hadn’t even been the ones to eliminate the demon. It appeared that Shen Yuan had done it all on his own…

All they could do is pray to the heavens that Shen Qingqiu would focus more on Ning Yingying and Shen Yuan being okay and not the fact that the mission had gone so terribly wrong. It truly was wishful thinking.

~

Shen Qingqiu sat at Shen Yuan’s bedside, silently stroking the boys hair as he slept. His mind replayed the moment when it had been reported to him that Shen Yuan and Yingying hadn’t returned from the market even after nightfall. At first, he’d stayed calm. Shen Yuan was responsible, they were likely just slowed down by the crowds. He’d sent a few disciples to go look for them. Then, he felt a simmering anxiety when he was told there was no sign of them. And then a cold terror seized his heart when he himself searched for them, not finding a single trace of either of them. 

A cold sweat had run down his back when he’d seen a room in the Chen Manor from a distance suddenly explode in light. He could barely contain himself as he rushed back to find the sorry state the two people dearest to him were in. 

A knock on the front door pulled him out of his thoughts. He pulled the blankets over his sleeping brother before rising from the stool he’d been sitting on, making his way out of the room and to the door. By opening the door, he was greeted with the sight of Yue Qingyuan. Without a word, Shen Qingqiu stepped aside and Yue Qingyuan quietly walked in while dipping his head. 

There was nothing but silence as Yue Qingyuan sat at the low table in the middle of the bamboo house, Shen Qingqiu following closely behind him. Shen Qingqiu already had tea prepared at the table and poured a cup for the Sect Leader. 

“Thanking Shidi.” Yue Qingyuan murmured as he carefully blew on the hot tea before taking a sip. He rested the cup back onto the table, folding his hands in his lap. “How is Xiao-Yuan?” He asked after a few more moments of silence.

“Sleeping. Mu-Shidi said he was perfectly fine other than the minor concussion he obtained.” Shen Qingqiu said blandly.

Yue Qingyuan gave a nod, glancing over at the open door that led into Shen Yuan’s room. He felt tension he hadn’t even noticed leave his body at the sight of the sleeping boy. “How was the training?” Yue Qingyuan eventually asked, having a feeling he already knew the accident.

Shen Qingqiu’s lips pressed against each other into a tight line. “Eye-opening. I found that I have fools for disciples. If not for A-Yuan taking down the demon himself, he or Yingying very well may have been the next victims of the foul thing.” Humiliation that didn’t dare show on his face coursed through his veins at the way his voice shook. He clutched the cup of tea in his hand tightly enough that it was clear how his hands trembled with the way the liquid moved about the cup. 

Ming Fan and the others hadn’t even caught a glimpse of the demon apart from seeing its dead body. He had agreed to Yingying taking Shen Yuan to the market with the thought that they would be far from the crime scene and somewhat safer. How foolish of him. Not only were they kidnapped, but injured and shaken up by the situation. 

“No need to rush them.” Said Yue Qingyuan after a moments hesitation.

Shen Qingqiu stared silently at his cup of tea before rapidly changing the subject. “I wish to go into secluded cultivation within the Lingxi Caves.”

Yue Qingyuan froze for a moment, returning to normal quickly enough that Shen Qingqiu could have mistaken ever seeing it. A gentle smile came onto his face. “The Immortal Alliance Conference?” He asked.

Shen Qingqiu gave nothing but a curt nod. 

Yue Qingyuan lowered his gaze before glancing at Shen Yuan’s room. “And Xiao-Yuan…?”

“He is old enough to stay in the bamboo house alone. He will have permission to stay with you, Mu-shidi, or Luo-Shizhi if he ever feels the need to have someone else with him. If there’s anyone else he wishes to stay with, he must request to do so through you.”

As much as Shen Qingqiu hated the idea of entrusting Shen Yuan to Yue Qingyuan, it was hard to deny that Yue Qingyuan was a very important role in the boys life. Only just below Shen Qingqiu.

Yue Qingyuan nodded, feeling a small warmth spread in his chest at this. Even though he knew that it was for Shen Yuan’s sake, he couldn’t help but feel a little happy at the trust that Shen Qingqiu was putting into him. 

Once the tea was finished and Yue Qingyuan’s attempts at small talk were pushed away, the man eventually said his goodbyes after giving Shen Yuan a kiss on the forehead and left. 

Shen Qingqiu let out a sigh, retreating back to Shen Yuan’s room. He gazed at the boy, feeling an ache in his heart as he looked at the ice pack on his head. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, only pulled out when he heard Shen Yuan calling for him.

Shen Yuan had grabbed onto Shen Qingqiu’s sleeve, gently tugging. “Gege…”

Shen Qingqiu hummed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What is it didi?” He asked, his voice soft as he brushed a few strands of hair out of Shen Yuan’s face.

“Gege… can you sleep beside me tonight?” Shen Yuan sniffled, only furthering the ache in Shen Qingqiu’s heart.

He nodded after a moment. “Let me get ready for sleep and I’ll be right with you.”

Shen Yuan let out a soft, “Okay.” before he closed his eyes, deciding to get some more rest while waiting for his brother. 

Shen Qingqiu didn’t take long, settling next to Shen Yuan barely a quarter of a shichen later. It didn’t take long for Shen Yuan to curl up against his brother and for Shen Qingqiu to wrap his arms around him, as if he were trying to absorb the boy so he could protect him from the dangers of the world. 

Shen Yuan let out a content sigh, tension leaving his body as he slowly fell into a deep slumber from the comfort of being held by Shen Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu ran his hand through Shen Yuan’s hair, quietly whispering, “Everything’s okay, gege is here.” 

Eventually, as Shen Qingqiu grew more exhausted, he began to hum a little melody. It was a simple one, certainly nothing anyone listening in could be impressed by but it was special to him and Shen Yuan as it was one their mother had once hummed to Shen Qingqiu.

He found himself being lulled to sleep by his own humming, only the thought of whether or not he was doing well drifting through his mind before fading away as his consciousness escaped him.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu went into seclusion shortly after the Shuang Hu City incident.

Shen Yuan had braced himself for this, but when the time came, he could do nothing against the ache in his chest as Shen Qingqiu told him. 

Shen Qingqiu explained how Shen Yuan would stay in the bamboo house and be free to sleepover with anyone if needed as long as he gained permission from Yue Qingyuan all while cradling the boy in his arms. He was expected to keep up with his studies and training while Shen Qingqiu was gone and be on his best behavior. 

Shen Yuan slept in Shen Qingqiu’s bed the nights leading up to when he’d go into seclusion, not quite ready for the feeling of being separated from his brother to be present in his heart again. But he could be strong. After all, this time he knew his brother would for sure be coming back.

On the brighter side, he could have sleepovers with Binghe often now! He was going to take advantage of that as much as he could. Qi-Ge also said he would stay over when he could! Even though it would be weird to not have his brother as a constant in his life for a year, at least he had the other two most important people in his life by his side as a comfort. 

He could do this. 

Ah, but maybe he should ask someone to wake him up in the mornings. How was he supposed to wake up on time for classes? Uh oh…

~

It didn’t take long for Shen Yuan to accidentally miss the beginning of his morning classes multiple times. Could he be blamed? He always relied on Shen Qingqiu to wake him up!

Then in came his savior, Luo Binghe! 

One night he complained about being punished for being late to class and complained more about how the hell was he supposed to wake up so early on his own. Thus, Binghe had offered to be the one to wake him up before classes and even cook him breakfast! Shen Yuan could have sworn he’d fallen in love with his best friend right there and then. Hahaha, not that he actually did. That would be weird. Haha. 

Anyway! Being woken up by Luo Binghe was an entirely new experience. Getting to see such a stunningly handsome face first thing when waking up then smelling something delicious right after? It was amazing. They would even do each other’s hair sometimes! He had fallen back asleep one time while Binghe did his, it was a little embarrassing but Binghe didn’t seem to mind. 

Ahhh, he could live like this forever! He felt even more spoiled than he did with Shen Qingqiu! 

He sat at the table that resided in the main room with a mouth-watering breakfast sitting in front of him. Luo Binghe sat across from him, a fond smile on his face while he watched Shen Yuan practically inhale his food. This was so much better than the food they cooked at the dining halls, it actually had flavor! The Qing Jing food was so bland it was painful and his brother wasn’t exactly the best cook. 

“Ahh, so good!” Shen Yuan said after he finished, stretching his arms far above his head. “Binghe, you’re the best cook ever!” 

Binghe laughed softly as he gathered the dishes. “If A-Yuan says it, it must be true!”

Shen Yuan jumped to his feet. “Ah, wait let me help clean the dishes! You already cooked I should be the one to wash them.” He insisted. 

Binghe wanted to say no, but he knew how stubborn Shen Yuan was so under the conditions that they do it together, he let him. 

Shen Yuan had a determined look on his face as he scrubbed his plate clean, a victorious smile appearing on his face after he finished getting everything off. “See! I’m good at this!” He smugly said to Luo Binghe.

Binghe didn’t have the heart to tell Shen Yuan that washing dishes was an easy task. So instead, he smiled back and bumped their hips together to make Shen Yuan laugh. “Very good, A-Yuan!”

Shen Yuan’s laughter was like music to Binghe’s ears, a melody that he wished he could engrave into his mind for eternity. Shen Yuan bumped Binghe back his eyes sparkling crescents as he looked at Binghe. “You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”

Binghe mock gasped, holding a hand to his chest. “I would never!”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes as he dried his hands off. “Aiya, I can’t believe this!” He dramatically put a hand to his head. “The betrayal!” He said before he let out a shriek when Binghe surged forward and lifted him by the waist. 

Binghe laughed and spun around a few times, basking in the brightness of Shen Yuan’s smile. He gazed at the boy in his arms, feeling a fluttering in his stomach and a squeezing around his heart. Oh, how he wished he could gain the courage to hold his face and kiss him absolutely silly. Ah. His cheeks turned pink, internally bashing himself for thinking like that while around Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan, blissfully unaware of his best friend’s thoughts, managed to escape Binghe’s grasp and run off to grab the things he needed for class. When he came back, he let out a little sigh. “I’ll miss this when gege gets back. I’m gonna have to eat the bland food at the dining hall again.” He said sadly.

Binghe smiled sympathetically. “Maybe when he gets back from seclusion, we can convince him to let me continue to cook for you.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes brightened. “You’d go through all of that convincing just to cook for me?”

“A-Yuan,” Binghe took both of Shen Yuan’s hands in his. “Cooking for you makes me happy. If you would let me, I would cook for you every day for the rest of our lives.” Binghe said with so much sincerity that Shen Yuan couldn’t stop the blush that crept onto his face.

His heart picked up in speed the longer he looked into Binghe’s eyes, skipping a beat every time his words echoed in his mind. “Oh, Binghe you flatterer!” Shen Yuan whined. “You can’t just go around saying that so casually! My heart is going to explode!”

A dazzling smile came onto Luo Binghe’s face, only worsening the fluttering in Shen Yuan’s stomach. “I meant every word, A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan couldn’t do anything but tightly hug Binghe to hide his reddening face. “I’d really like that Binghe. A lot.” 

Had Shen Yuan seen the resulting happiness on Luo Binghe’s face, he would have been blinded and likely fallen over due to his heart exploding. 

The sound of a bell tolling in the distance suddenly disrupted their moment and panic colored both of their faces. “Binghe! You have to go, you’re going to be late! Oh no, I’m going to be late!” Shen Yuan paled. He didn’t want to have to copy the rules fifty times again! 

Thus, both of them ran out of the house in a panicked manner, rushing to get to their classes before they would get punished.

+++

About three months passed since Shen Qingqiu entered seclusion and Shen Yuan missed him terribly. 

This was much more torturous than he’d expected! Even though it was nice having Luo Binghe and Yue Qingyuan over often and even being able to go to their places it didn’t fill the void that Shen Qingqiu usually filled. 

Despite his heartache, Shen Yuan’s cultivation was improving by leaps and bounds with Chao Xing now by his side. It was exciting! He was even beginning to win against the older disciples despite them already having spiritual swords for much longer. 

Just like now, he was up against one of his Shixiong who wasn’t too far below Ming Fan’s strength level. 

Shen Yuan yelped as he dodged an attack, quickly rolling away and leaping back to his feet just in time to block an oncoming attack. He used all his strength to push back the other disciple, feeling glee when they stumbled back from Shen Yuan’s attack. He took the opportunity to leap forward and deliver his final blow but didn’t anticipate his shixiong to recover rapidly. He let a startled gasp when he was suddenly dove at and found the world spinning around him as he was tackled to the ground, Chao Xing flying out of his hand while a sword harmlessly pressed against his neck.

Xu Hao, the Shixiong he had gone up against, removed his sword from Shen Yuan’s neck and helped the boy up with a smile. “Very close Xiao-Shidi, but never underestimate your opponents’ recovery time.”

Shen Yuan groaned as he was helped up and rubbed his back once he was on his feet. “Thank you Shixiong.” He said gloomily.

Xu Hao ruffled his hair. “Don’t be upset, you’re already very advanced for your age. I suspect that next time we spar, I won’t be so lucky.” 

A bell sounded in the distance, signaling that combat training was over and it was time for chores. Shen Yuan let out a sigh of relief, exhaustion seeping into his bones. He hoped he would get easy tasks today, something like cleaning up the classroom and not chopping wood. 

Ming Fan trotted up to the gathered disciples, beginning to assign tasks. When Ming Fan reached him, Shen Yuan was already feeling elated because he heard someone else get assigned to wood chopping. “Xiao-Shidi, all you have to do for today is deliver some documents to Shang-Shishu and make sure he signs them.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up. “Okay Da-Shixiong!” This was perfect! It was a beautiful day today so not only was he going to be able to take a nice relaxing walk to An Ding Peak, but he would also get a chance to talk to Shang Qinghua!

Shang Qinghua rarely had a moment when he was free and Shen Yuan was never able to catch him in those moments in the past few years. Seriously, it was absolutely ridiculous and absurd that Shen Yuan wasn’t able to catch a single moment in the past four years to talk to the man. Even at peak lord meetings he always had his head buried in documents and would leave as soon as the meeting was over. Did the poor man never get a day off?

And so, Shen Yuan happily skipped off toward the direction of An Ding with documents in hand. There was a nice gentle breeze as he walked, the swaying of the trees and the distant chatter of other disciples in the background making him feel peaceful. 

He had a small smile on his face as he made his way across the rainbow bridge that led to An Ding Peak and up the path that led to Shang Qinghua’s house. Once he reached the house, he rapidly knocked on the door calling out, “Hua-ge!” He waited a few moments before knocking again. “Hua-ge?” Was he not home? 

He then heard footsteps behind him. Ah, there he was! When Shen Yuan turned, he was greeted by the sight of the An Ding Peak Lord walking up to the house. When Shang Qinghua saw him, surprise lit up on his face. “Yuan-er? What are you doing here?”

A bright smile came onto Shen Yuan’s face, nearly blinding Shang Qinghua. “I was tasked with bringing some documents for you to sign!”

Shang Qinghua couldn’t even be aggrieved when he heard there were more documents for him with how happy Shen Yuan seemed to deliver them. “I’ll get those signed right away for you.” And he couldn’t resist giving one of Shen Yuan’s cheeks a pinch. Ahhh so cute!! How can this cutie possibly be related to someone so scary!? 

“Hua-geeeee!” Shen Yuan whined as his cheek turned red from being pinched. 

Shang Qinghua laughed. “Sorry sorry!” He apologized, releasing his cheek from the torture. Then he had an idea– he’s known this kid for four years now and still hasn’t been able to inquire if he was a transmigrator. He would have to be careful about how he went about it just in case the kid wasn’t one because the system could dock points and punish him. “Why don’t you come in while I sign these? I should have tea somewhere if you’re a fan.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up. “Then I’ll be bothering Hua-ge!” He chirped as Shang Qinghua opened the door for him. 

Shen Yuan trotted into the house, Shang Qinghua following close after. “You can take a seat, I’ll see what I can brew up. Uh… no promises that it’ll be good.”

Shen Yuan snorted as he took a seat. “It’s okay, nothing you brew can be more terrible than the tea I brewed for the first time on Qing Jing. Gege cried after drinking it.”

“Dude. How do you mess up tea that bad?” Shang Qinghua looked flabbergasted.

“I don’t know! Safe to say he won’t let me anywhere near the kitchen now.” He huffed while shrugging.

Shang Qinghua laughed as he used some of his qi to boil the water he’d put in the kettle before he searched his cabinets for tea leaves. He had to think of a plan– it’s not like he could ask outright! If Shen Yuan wasn’t a transmigrator then not only would the system get mad at him, Shen Yuan would think he’s a weirdo! Ah, hadn’t he heard this kid liked novels? He could… “Say, Yuan-er,” Shang Qinghua began as he placed the tea in front of the boy. “You like to read right?”

Shen Yuan gave him a curious look as he sipped on the tea. “Yeah? Why?” 

Shang Qinghua unrolled one of the documents Shen Yuan brought to sign. “Oh, there was just this novel that I had heard of a while back. It was pretty popular but had mixed reviews so I was wondering if you had read it. I think the name was, ah, Proud Immortal Demon Way?” He subtly looked at Shen Yuan to see his reaction.

But Shen Yuan only furrowed his eyebrows before shrugging. “It sounds familiar but I don’t think I’ve read it.”

Okay. No problem, he had a backup that would for sure work. And familiar was a good sign! He used his brush to sign the document after skimming it before leaning back. “I heard the author had a strange name… something like– airplane shooting towards the sky?”

Shen Yuan promptly choked on his tea, bursting into a coughing fit. 

Bingo! Shang Qinghua felt his hopes skyrocket. Hurriedly, he fetched a glass of water for Shen Yuan. “Are you okay?” he asked cautiously as he sat back down.

Shen Yuan nearly downed over half of the cup while his face was bright red. “Ah, yes yes! I’m fine! I just– remembered something that I completely forgot about!”

Shang Qinghua put his hands on the table. “What did you remember?” He questioned immediately after. 

Shen Yuan looked surprised and then narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Why do you want to know so bad?” 

The system hadn’t interfered once, Shang Qinghua couldn’t help but feel like he was absolutely right about this. The system would have shut him up by now if Shen Yuan hadn’t been a transmigrator, right? “I don’t know, maybe it had something to do with the author's name?” 

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened. “What do you know about the author's name?”

“That entirely depends on what you know about it!” 

A frown formed on Shen Yuan’s face, clearly contemplating something. “Say, Hua-Ge, you wouldn’t happen to be a, what’s the word–”

“Transmigrator!?” Shang Qinghua blurted out before he could even think.

Shen Yuan’s eyes looked like they were about to bulge out of his skull. “Oh my god!” He gasped. “I didn’t even think someone else could have transmigrated here with me! Granted it’s been, what, twelve years now? I barely remember anything…”

Shang Qinghua looked like he was going to pass out from excitement. “I can’t believe this! I couldn’t figure out if you were another transmigrator or if I somehow managed to change the plot without realizing it!” He let out a big sigh of relief. “As for your memories, I was the same way since I transmigrated at birth. I think I got mine fully back when I was about seventeen?”

“I mean, I’m not too eager to remember. From the bits and pieces I have it doesn’t seem like a life I want to remember but like, I’m still curious you know?” Shen Yuan said with a shrug. “I have my Gege and Qi-Ge here, but I wonder if I had family in my other life? I feel like I did… ugh, it’s all just a blur!” He groaned with a hand on his forehead.

Shang Qinghua had a sympathetic expression. “I gained mine back when I went through a significant event that the character went through in the novel so I’m not sure if it’ll be the same for you.” He explained. “You weren’t even a character in the original novel. You must’ve been in one of my super early drafts that I don’t even remember. Or just didn’t make the cut with how the story ended up to be.”

A curious glint lit up in Shen Yuan’s eyes. “Wait, Hua-ge, are you saying that this world is from a story you wrote?” Then he paused, “Wait, and I wasn’t even meant to be a character?”

Shang Qinghua’s expression turned smug. “It sure is! I uploaded a chapter every single day and it would always be well over ten thousand words!” He then sighed. “It got popular, but it ended up going off track of what I wanted the story to be. It needed to stray from what I wanted to pay the bills, but sometimes I wish I could have been able to write what I had originally envisioned.”

Shen Yuan rested his head on his hands. “So it’s possible that I was a character in your original drafts that somehow made it into the cut for this world?”

Shang Qinghua shrugged. “I’m pretty sure. I think I do remember having a younger brother for Shen Qingqiu, but he was supposed to die very young as another way to fuel his villain backstory.” 

“Villain backstory? Gege was a villain?”

“Oh yes, the main villain. In Proud Immortal Demon Way he was a very cruel man and the readers were always calling for his death, including the main character.” Shang Qinghua then realized that he was talking about Shen Yuan’s brother. Uh, might not be best to tell the kid that his brother was turned into a human stick in the original story. “B-But the Shen-Shixiong of this world is different! At least, I haven’t heard any rumors of abuse or bullying running rampage on Qing Jing…”

Shen Yuan frowned at the idea of his brother being a villain. This novel really sounded like it was trash! The more Shang Qinghua spoke about this novel he’d written, the more Shen Yuan had a strange unprompted urge to punch him in the face and curse him out.

Suddenly Shang Qinghua seemed to remember something. “Say, you would probably know since you’re on Qing Jing, do you know a character– person named Luo Binghe?”

Shen Yuan’s eyes seemed to light up impossibly bright at the mention of Luo Binghe. “Binghe? Of course I know him! He’s my best friend!”

Shang Qinghua blinked. “Come again?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve known him since we were six! We traveled around together looking for my gege and qi-ge after I saved him from some kids until eventually deciding to come to Cang Qiong. Since gege went into seclusion he’s been the one waking me up and making me breakfast.” Shen Yuan let out a sigh. “I don’t understand how he wakes up so early! And have enough energy to make an entire breakfast at that!”

Blinking rapidly, Shang Qinghua tried to process everything that he was just told.

“You know, you’ve probably seen him a few times at the peak lord meetings.” Shen Yuan hummed. 

Shang Qinghua was immediately more confused. “But you and Ming-shizhi are the only Qing Jing disciples I’ve seen attend the meetings?”

Shen Yuan looked at him as if he had grown two heads. “Well yeah, duh, Binghe’s not Qing Jing. He’s a disciple of Bai Zhan.” He said. “Oh, by the way, who’s the main character in your story?”

Now it was Shang Qinghua’s turn to look at Shen Yuan like he had grown two heads. “Luo Binghe is.” He said weakly.

Shen Yuan stiffened, his eyes wide. “Woah. You know, that actually makes a lot of sense.” And thus began his ramble. “Binghe is suuuper handsome like no one could compare. Oh, and he’s so talented, so good at cooking and martial arts. Did you know he’d already defeated a bunch of the older Bai Zhan disciples before he’d even received his spiritual sword? Ahh, so impressive! I can’t believe I get to be best friends with the protagonist!”

Shang Qinghua looked dumbfounded, gaining a strong feeling that these two were much more than best friends. He felt like he’d just listened to a lovesick girl brag about how cool her boyfriend was. They couldn’t be just friends if Luo Binghe was cooking for him, that was something he had only done for his wives in the novel!

Before he could continue talking about Luo Binghe’s achievements, Shen Yuan let out a gasp. “Oh my god! I was going to bring him a congratulatory gift on getting his spiritual sword today and ask him to go to tonight's festival as well!” Panic set in on his face as Shen Yuan scrambled to his feet and rushed to grab all of the documents he’d brought for Shang Qinghua to sign. “I’m sorry Hua-ge, I have to go!” 

Shang Qinghua snapped out of his stupor. He hadn’t been able to ask everything he’d wanted to! This kid was abandoning his fellow transmigrator for a date!? He’d probably been on so many by the sounds of it, what was missing one?! Before he could open his mouth to stop the kid, Shen Yuan had already booked it out of the house. He’d even forgotten one of the documents! “Yuan-er! Wait!” He desperately called out but Shen Yuan didn’t hear him. So Shang Qinghua decided to quickly grab the document and give a chase.

Good god this kid could run fast! Shen Yuan had already made it to the entrance of An Ding by the time Shang Qinghua was able to catch up with him. Shen Yuan wasn’t even sweating compared to Shang Qinghua who was desperately trying to catch his breath. This was embarrassing! This kid was so much more in shape than Shang Qinghua and he was a peak lord! When Shen Yuan finally noticed that Shang Qinghua had come after him he was already on the rainbow bridge that connected all of the peaks. “Ah, sorry Hua-Ge!” 

Shang Qinghua had been too out of breath to call after the boy, hence why it had taken until the rainbow bridge for Shen Yuan to notice him. He let out a loud sigh of relief as he was finally able to hand over the document. “How… how are you so fast?!” 

Shen Yuan smiled sheepishly. “I think you’re just out of shape Hua-ge.” He teased with a soft laugh. 

Shang Qinghua was about to make a sarcastic retort when there was suddenly someone calling out “Xiao-shidi!” in the distance. Two Qing Jing disciples came running up, one being practically pushed toward them with a red face while the other looked very enthusiastic about pushing him. Both greeted Shang Qinghua respectfully before turning to Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan shifted the documents in his arms and smiled at the two. “Hao-Shixiong, Yi-Shixiong!” He greeted. Xu-Shixiong was of course Xu Hao, the shixiong he had sparred earlier that day, and Yi-Shixiong was Xu Yi, Xu Hao’s younger brother who was only a year older than Shen Yuan. 

It was well known to everyone (but Shen Yuan) that Shen Yuan had a lot of (not so) secret admirers. Xu Yi happened to be one of them and felt strangely lightheaded at the sight of Shen Yuan smiling at him. Xu Hao slapped Xu Yi on the back, trying to give him some needed courage. “H-Hi uhm–” Xu Yi managed to stutter out before clearing his throat. “I– We were wondering– have you heard about tonight's festival?”

Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up and Xu Yi felt a small sliver of hope– then Shen Yuan’s following words crushed it. “I did! I was just on my way to find Binghe and ask him to go!” He said cheerily, oblivious to the fact he’d just crushed this boy's hopes and dreams. “Oh! I’m so sorry to ask this but would either of you be willing to deliver these to Da-Shixiong? I’m kind of running late on getting to Bai Zhan…”

Xu Yi, who had just been utterly rejected without being rejected, gave a weak nod and held out his arms for the documents. Shang Qinghua lit a candle for the boy inside his heart as the documents were handed over. 

“Thank you!” Shen Yuan gave the boy a bright smile and turned around to start heading toward Bai Zhan Peak. He then froze in place– eyes landing on a certain curly-haired boy who was further down the bridge. But he wasn’t alone, a few girls were standing around him with flirtatious expressions while he stood there looking somewhat uncomfortable and irritated. Shen Yuan’s entire demeanor changed, mirroring Luo Binghe’s irritation. “Them again?” He muttered under his breath. 

Shang Qinghua was shocked at the sudden change. He figured that the boy in the distance must be Luo Binghe– ah, he really did look just how he’d imagined him! Very handsome indeed, he had no doubt that everything Shen Yuan had said earlier was true. 

Shen Yuan abruptly began to fix his appearance up, smoothing down flyaways and tightening his ponytail. He dusted off his robes as well before he put on an unbothered expression and began storming off in the direction of Luo Binghe. 

Next to Shang Qinghua, Xu Yi finally let out a groan. “See, I told you Ge! He has eyes for no one but Luo Binghe!” He huffed as he shoved Xu Hao’s shoulder. “I told you it was futile. So embarrassing…”

Xu Hao laughed sheepishly. “Sorry didi.”

Shang Qinghua looked at the two disciples. “Say, what is the relationship between the two?” He asked curiously, wanting all of the gossip he could get. 

Xu Yi, completely forgetting that this was a peak lord asking him, rolled his eyes and went on a rant. “Gods, they’re practically inseparable whenever they’re together! I’ve never seen two people cling to each other more than those two do. They’re absolutely infatuated with each other and I don’t think Xiao-shidi even realizes it!” He groaned. “Xiao-shidi can be painfully oblivious to other people’s advances. Ge, you remember when that Xian Shu shimei tried to gift him something and before she could say anything, he said that Luo Binghe had gotten him the same thing? Ugh, him and Luo Binghe! How do you hold hands with someone constantly and also cuddle out in the open and then say you’re just friends!?” Xu Yi nearly threw the scrolls out of frustration. Without another word, he stomped off to go deliver the documents. 

Shang Qinghua was dumbfounded once again. Had Shen Yuan turned his protagonist gay while at the same time gaining a wife beam!? 

Xu Hao looked appalled at his brother's behavior. “Begging Shang-Shishu’s forgiveness for my brother’s behavior. He’s just a bit– frustrated.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” He laughed awkwardly. “I understand why.” 

Xu Hao nodded. “My brother is right about one thing– Xiao-shidi truly is oblivious. Even Luo-shidi isn’t safe from it.” He sighed while shaking his head before turning to follow his brother. 

Shang Qinghua turned his attention back to Shen Yuan just in time to see the boy reach Luo Binghe and the girls. 

Shen Yuan put a smile on his face and pulled a fan out from his sleeve, flicking it open once he was in earshot. Whatever cutesy things the girls were trying to say to woo Luo Binghe were abruptly cut off by the sound of his fan. Their attention snapped to him and the girls unanimously groaned while Luo Binghe’s entire demeanor brightened. “A-Yuan!” Binghe promptly broke free of the girls and closed the distance between him and Shen Yuan. 

A genuine warm smile came onto Shen Yuan’s face when Binghe called for him. “Binghe!” He laughed as he was pulled into a hug. As he hugged Luo Binghe, he couldn’t help but shoot a smug look at the girls while petting Binghe’s hair. Though, when they pulled away that look quickly vanished before Luo Binghe could get even a glance.

One of the girls huffed. “Why does he always come at the worst times?” She muttered to her friends. 

The rest of the girls had a defeated look on their faces. They knew they stood no chance against Shen Yuan, who would when it came to Luo Binghe! Still, a Bai Zhan girl seemed to have a little bit of confidence. She stepped forward with her hands behind her back. “Luo-Shixiong, about the festival…”

Luo Binghe’s expression instantly changed to an uninterested one as he shifted his attention to the girl. Couldn’t they leave him alone? Shen Yuan was right here! He had no other interests in anyone but him! Who was interested in going to some boring festival anyway?

Shen Yuan’s eye seemed to twitch but it went unnoticed by Luo Binghe. “Oh, that’s right! Binghe,” When Shen Yuan spoke, Luo Binghe seemed to brighten up so fast it was somewhat startling. Shen Yuan couldn’t help but bring his fan to his face to hide the blush that rose.  “Yingying was telling me about the festival happening tonight, she was saying that the food is super good and that some of the stalls sell really nice things. I wanted to ask if you’d like to go with me?”

The Bai Zhan girl looked as if she were about to burst into flames with how red her face was from anger. “You–!” The other girls hurriedly pulled her back, shushing her and telling her that it was no use now that Shen Yuan had gotten the question out. 

A grin came onto Binghe’s face. Suddenly this festival sounded very fun! “Of course I would!” He loved going anywhere with Shen Yuan. If he weren’t a disciple on a whole other peak and didn’t have responsibilities, he’d spend every moment he could glued to Shen Yuan’s hip. 

Shen Yuan’s eyes became crescents, exposing that he was smiling behind his fan. A gentle breeze passed by while the soon to set sun projected a soft lighting onto them, Luo Binghe couldn’t help but think of how beautiful Shen Yuan was today. “Then I’ll meet you at the main gates at sundown?” Shen Yuan asked, driving Luo Binghe insane with how he tilted his head ever so slightly. 

“Yes.” Binghe breathed out, resisting the urge to push the fan aside and kiss Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan felt excitement buzzing under his skin. Ha! Take that girls! As if Binghe would ever choose them over him! “Oh! I almost forgot,” The tassel! He needed to give it to Binghe before he ended up forgetting again. He reached into his sleeve and pulled out the box that contained the tassel before handing it to Luo Binghe. “As a congratulations on getting your sword!”

Binghe’s eyes widened in disbelief. “A-Yuan, you got me something?” He accepted the box, expecting the gift to be something simple like a hairpin or ribbon but he instead opened it to see the gorgeous sword tassel. His eyes widened impossibly further as he took it out of the box, his breath catching in his throat when he saw the jade stone. “Oh, A-Yuan… It’s– it’s beautiful.” It must have cost so much.

Shen Yuan was startled as he saw tears well up in Luo Binghe’s eyes. Oh no, this was meant to make Binghe happy! Why was he crying!? “Oh Binghe, what’s the matter?” He lowered his fan and put it back in his sleeve, reaching up with both of his hands to wipe away the stray tears going down Binghe’s face. 

Luo Binghe sniffled before leaning forward and hugged Shen Yuan around the waist, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. “Thank you, A-Yuan. I really do love it, I’ll make sure to cherish it forever.” 

Shen Yuan let out a huff. Really, this boy was getting emotional over a tassel! Still, he hugged Luo Binghe back and cradled his head. “You’re so silly. I’m glad you like it.” He said as he leaned his head against Luo Binghe’s, a small smile appearing on his face.

Luo Binghe laughed softly in the crook of Shen Yuan’s neck before pulling away, letting Shen Yuan use his sleeve to dry his face. Luo Binghe looked at the tassel again and smiled, tying the tassel to the hilt of Zheng Yang that was on his hip. 

Shen Yuan pulled his fan back out as a grin spread on his face at the sight of Luo Binghe immediately tying the tassel to his sword. Flicking the fan open, he waved his at himself before gently rapping it against Binghe’s head. “Now, if you’re done, the sun is soon to set so you better hurry up and go get changed!”

Luo Binghe’s eyes widened as he quickly looked at the sun. “Oh crap!” He yelped. “Sorry A-Yuan! I’ll be quick!” 

Shen Yuan snorted fondly as he watched Binghe run off. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart and the explosion of butterflies in his stomach. This was a totally normal way to feel every time you hugged your best friend, right?

Oh, who was he kidding?

Shang Qinghua, who had witnessed the entire event, had a dropped jaw. Best friends his ass! What the hell was that!? Shen Yuan could insist all he wanted, but best friends don’t look at each other like that!

Not only was his protagonist for sure gay now, but Shen Yuan had personally taken on the wife role without even realizing it! Shang Qinghua’s head spun, he had no idea where the plot could possibly go now! Would Luo Binghe ever end up in the abyss to gain Xin Mo, his golden finger? Ahhh! Shen Yuan, how much have you changed this story just by existing!?

~

Shen Yuan, blissfully unaware of what the plot had originally been, patiently waited at the sect's main gates for Luo Binghe. He had had enough time to go back to the bamboo house and change as well as do his hair before making his way to the gate. He had donned a pale teal hanfu with long sleeves and had pulled his hair into a half up half down style with the crystal hairpin Luo Binghe had gotten him for his birthday.

He hummed a light tune, holding a bamboo fan up to his face. He stared off into the distance, zoning out as he waited for his friend. He let out a soft sigh as he watched the sun begin to set when all of a sudden hands covered his vision.

“Guess who!” Shen Yuan nearly elbowed the person in the gut but as soon as he heard Luo Binghe’s voice he quickly retracted his attack. 

Shen Yuan laughed softly and turned his head to be greeted with the sight of an awfully handsome Luo Binghe. He was wearing light gray robes with silver detailings, hair pulled back into a ponytail with a white ribbon that Shen Yuan had gotten him a while ago. Shen Yuan fanned himself slightly faster and smiled at Binghe. “Took you long enough!” 

Luo Binghe felt his heart skip a beat, almost getting lost in Shen Yuan’s eyes while a soft smile grew on his face. “We should get going.” He eventually said, holding out his arm.

Shen Yuan hid the lower half of his face, still unable to hide how his eyes crinkled while he smiled, with his fan as he accepted Luo Binghe’s arm, holding onto it as they began to walk.

Shen Yuan didn’t remember what the festival was about, something about a god and a ghost. He had stopped paying attention mid-way through Ning Yingying’s explanation, only focused on the idea of inviting Luo Binghe to go with him. And that there would be good food.

The town was bustling with people when they reached their destination, cheer and laughter all around as the sun slowly disappeared from the sky. The streets were lit up with red lanterns and children running around with sparklers, Shen Yuan couldn’t help but laugh softly as excitement built up inside him.

The pair went from stall to stall, looking at the items being sold. There was a stand with animal masks where Shen Yuan tried on a white cat mask and Luo Binghe tried on a black dog mask and in the end, both masks were bought.

Shen Yuan kept his mask resting on the top of his head as he walked around, still holding onto Luo Binghe’s arm. “Binghe, do you remember when we were seven and passed through a town that was having a festival?” He asked.

Luo Binghe hummed. “The one where some of the vendors gave us so much food we were stuffed for days?”

With a laugh, he leaned his head on Binghe’s shoulder. “That one! I remember both of us trying to not be sick, we were so bloated too.” He smiled at the memory. “I really hope the children in this town can be the same way. Minus the feeling sick part.”

Luo Binghe’s heart thudded in his chest as he glanced at Shen Yuan. In the distance, there was the sound of a guqin being played while the light from the red lanterns beautifully illuminated Shen Yuan’s face, softening his features. Binghe could feel his face slowly beginning to heat up the longer he gazed at Shen Yuan’s face, examining every little detail he could. Like the small mole under his lower lip and another one at the outer corner of his right eye and if looked at closely enough, his eyes weren’t a solid green but had a tinge of brown surrounding his pupils and even a bit of blue. His lips looked soft to the touch, causing Luo Binghe to have to summon every ounce of restraint he had. If he had the opportunity, he’d like to sit down and count every faint freckle that dusted Shen Yuan’s face. He had a slight feeling that tonight was going to be a difficult one. 

“Ah! Binghe look!” Shen Yuan’s excited voice broke Luo Binghe out of his longing. “That stand is serving Tanghulu!” He let go of Binghe’s arm, rushing toward the stand. It didn’t take him long to return with a stick of tanghulu. He had chosen a stick of four strawberries and appeared thrilled. It was such a simple treat but Shen Yuan seemed as if he were ascending as he bit down on the first strawberry, eating it whole. “Binghe, you have one too!”

Luo Binghe turned pink as Shen Yuan held the stick up to his mouth and had a hand underneath. Eating from the same stick as Shen Yuan… he quietly gulped before leaning forward and taking a bite, his stomach bursting with butterflies. 

Shen Yuan softly giggled before bringing the stick back to his mouth after Luo Binghe finished one of the strawberries. He decided to intertwine his fingers with Binghe’s instead of simply holding onto the boy’s arm, feeling somewhat giddy as he did. “Binghe-ah, we should go find somewhere to watch the fireworks soon. I think we have a little bit of time for another few stalls but we should hurry before all the good spots are taken.”

Luo Binghe, who had no reason to be this flustered over holding hands with his childhood friend since they did it constantly, only barely managed to weakly hum in response. Did Shen Yuan truly not know the effect that he had on Luo Binghe?

Well, Shen Yuan seemed very unaware as he pulled his friend toward the fireworks area. 

There were a few stalls that Shen Yuan stopped at, allured by the shiny trinkets and stunning fans, but they eventually made it. His eyes were bright as they made their way to the grassy area and an empty spot. He spotted Ning Yingying in the distance, sitting with Ming Fan. Ning Yingying had actually first asked Shen Yuan to go to the festival but he had managed to convince her to ask Ming Fan instead. And if his eyes weren’t failing him, their hands appeared very close together. 

Shen Yuan giggled to himself as he sat down with Luo Binghe. “Aiyah, Da-Shixiong owes me now! Do you know how long he’s been pining after Yingying? It’s growing unbearable to see how oblivious she is to it!” He rambled to Binghe, completely unaware that he was just like Ning Yingying.

Luo Binghe simply nodded along as Shen Yuan hooked their arms together and then pulled him down to lay on their backs. Their sides were pressed together as Shen Yuan began pointing out certain constellations while the sky was still clear, his rambling pulling Luo Binghe into a trance.

Shen Yuan glanced at Luo Binghe and then back at the sky and then his gaze was fully focused on back on him. His ramble slowly died out, words beginning to fail him. Luo Binghe looked truly breathtaking. The sun had long since set and now the moon had risen high in the sky, casting a soft silver light down on them. Binghe’s eyes seemed to glitter in this lighting, his face illuminated in a way that made Shen Yuan’s heart beat faster. There was a chilling breeze but the warmth from their arms being linked and sides pressed together made it so Shen Yuan barely even felt the cold. His lips were ever so slightly tugged up as he gazed at the sky, pulling Shen Yuan’s full attention onto them. 

Shen Yuan wasn’t sure if he had ever kissed someone in his past life, but he knew in his current one he hadn’t. He felt strangely lightheaded at the thought of Luo Binghe’s lips being pressed against his own. 

Wait. 

No! No! He shouldn’t think like this while the boy was beside him! Was he insane!? Should he even be thinking like this at all? After all, Luo Binghe was his best friend. He didn’t even know if he swung that way. 

In his momentary internal battering, Luo Binghe noticed that Shen Yuan had stopped talking and turned his head to look at him. His heart nearly came to a stop when he saw that Shen Yuan had stopped because he was looking at him.  

Shen Yuan’s face turned pink when he realized he had been caught but didn’t move. His gaze moved from Binghe’s lips to Binghe’s eyes instead. Oh, Shen Yuan’s heart melted every time he looked into his eyes. Luo Binghe’s eyes were a deep velvety brown, alluring in every way possible. 

The two gazed at each other, faces dangerously close. If either were pushed ever so slightly, their lips could possibly touch. The thought made Luo Binghe’s heart start racing. “A-Yuan—” 

A loud boom! ripped their attention away from each other and back to the sky. The fireworks had started!

The two felt somewhat disappointed. And not at the gorgeous fireworks.

As the night progressed, Shen Yuan’s head spun as he replayed the scene of Luo Binghe looking at the sky in his head over and over. He didn’t even realize how late it had gotten until he was drifting off far after the fireworks had stopped. Luo Binghe had been quietly speaking to him, his voice like a lullaby to Shen Yuan. 

It didn’t take long for Shen Yuan to end up in a half-asleep daze when he felt himself being picked up by Luo Binghe. He knew he ought to be embarrassed that he was being carried like a new bride but the exhaustion from his exciting day was catching up with him. Resting his head on Binghe’s chest, he let himself be taken by sleep in the safety of his friend’s arms. 

The only thing he missed was Luo Binghe pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead after he’d fallen asleep. Ah, what to do with these two?

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan knelt on the grass behind the bamboo house with his guqin in front of him as he gracefully plucked the strings. The tune he played was uplifting and sparked a sense of excitement, reflecting his mood. Shen Qingqiu was due to finish his seclusion in the Ling Xi Caves today!

Every day leading up to this one, Shen Yuan couldn’t help but remind everyone around him that his brother was finally coming home. He was thrilled, okay? His fifteenth birthday had been a couple of weeks ago, and his brother's absence had crushed him despite Yue Qingyuan and Luo Binghe’s greatest efforts. The mini-party ended with Yue Qingyuan being Shen Yuan’s pillow and Luo Binghe as his weighted blanket as they comforted him.

Thanks to Shang Qinghua, Shen Yuan was also back to slowly regaining his memories from his past life. So many things had happened to him after he turned four that the process had come to a screeching halt. As of now, he could vaguely remember some details of his past life, like how he’d been hospitalized for most of it. He’d also remember many shows he watched, hence why the song he was playing was a stolen rendition of the Fairy Tail theme.

Listen! He wasn’t exactly a composer, alright!? So what if he stole songs from his past life to pass his composition tests? It’s not like anyone in this world would know!

“What’s that one called, A-Yuan?” Luo Binghe’s voice had him jumping out of his thoughts. Shen Yuan looked behind him, stopping in his playing as his eyes landed on his best friend.

Binghe looked dashing in his Bai Zhan uniform, his curly hair in a half-up half half-down style with a hair crown that Shen Yuan had gifted to him. Shen Yuan racked his brain for an answer as he watched his friend sit beside him, trying not to get lost in his eyes. “Oh, uhm. I’m not sure. I was thinking of something with ‘fairy’ in the title.” He mumbled, not quite paying attention to what he said as he instead focused on how Binghe’s skin glowed in the sunlight. 

Luo Binghe wasn’t in much of a better position. Shen Yuan had clearly only woken up a short amount of time earlier, his hair fully down and still somewhat ruffled. He was only dressed in his white inner robes and a dark green outer robe lazily put on after some thought, with a badly tied sash cinching the fabric around his waist. It took a lot of self-control not to let his hands and eyes wander. “Why doesn’t A-Yuan get ready to go to Qiong Ding while I make him breakfast? I saw Ning-Shijie and Ming-Shixiong already ready and on their way to the breakfast hall.”

Shen Yuan found himself unable to argue and nodded while putting his guqin into its case. Maybe it was because he hadn’t been awake for long, but he found himself thinking he’d gladly do whatever Luo Binghe asked of him. He also found himself leaning into Binghe’s arms, letting out a contented sigh as his head was promptly cradled and a hand rested on his waist. 

It was rare for Luo Binghe to do the cradling. Binghe was often the one being held or being used as a weighted blanket by Shen Yuan, and Shen Yuan was more than enthusiastic to do so. All the more reason both treasured the moments where their roles swapped. With the hand he had on his head, Binghe gently massaged Shen Yuan’s scalp and rubbed circles on his waist with his other hand. 

If Shen Yuan could purr, he was sure he would be right now. He was practically jelly in Luo Binghe’s embrace, bliss fogging his mind as he gradually forgot what he was supposed to be doing. 

A voice calling, “Yuanyuan!” cut into their moment, jolting them back to reality. 

Shen Yuan gasped. Hadn’t Binghe said he saw them heading to the dining hall for breakfast? How had enough time passed for them to finish already!? He practically launched himself out of Luo Binghe’s arms, causing Binghe to let out an “oof!”, and scrambled to his feet. He ran into the house and rushed to the front door, flinging it open to see Ning Yingying and Ming Fan waiting outside. 

Ming Fan facepalmed upon the sight of him, Ning Yingying letting out an exasperated sigh that sounded as if this situation had happened before. “Yuanyuan, it’s already midday, why do you look like you’ve just woken up?”

Shen Yuan gave a sheepish smile. “Ah, I might’ve only woken up half a shichen ago and got distracted with my guqin practice…”  He explained. “Then Binghe came over and I forgot I needed to get ready…” 

Speaking of Luo Binghe, he walked up behind Shen Yuan ,appearing as if he’d eaten something sour. Both Ning Yingying and Ming Fan felt a sudden urge to take Shen Yuan and run.

“Well, you better get ready quick! Shizun said he’ll come out sometime before evening! Any later and we may miss surprising him!” Ning Yingying told him, putting her hands on her hips.

Shen Yuan hurriedly nodded. “You guys can sit down if you’d like. I know you two just ate breakfast but I’ll bring out some leftover honey cake that Qi-Ge brought me the other day.” He said as he quickly rushed into the kitchen and back out, returning with a few sliced pieces of honey cake and setting them down on the table. “Okay! I’m going to go get ready!”

Binghe caught his hand before he ran off. “I’ll do your hair while you eat, so don’t worry about that.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Thank you, Binghe.” He squeezed his hand. “I’d be a total wreck without you.”

Binghe laughed affectionately. “A-Yuan, you’re a wreck even with me.”

“You!” Shen Yuan gasped. “Insulted by my dearest friend! I can’t believe this!” He lightly shoved Binghe’s shoulder playfully.

Luo Binghe snorted and turned Shen Yuan around, pushing him toward his room. “So easily distracted! Get ready!”

With a yelp, Shen Yuan finally sped into his room while Luo Binghe went to quickly make something for the boy to eat. 

Ning Yingying turned to Ming Fan as soon as the two left the room. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people act like they’re in the honeymoon phase of their marriage more than those two.” She whispered.

Ming Fan snorted. “If this is what they act like outside of marriage, I can’t imagine how much more annoying they would get.”

Shen Yuan returned within the time it took to burn an incense stick, fully dressed in light material and hair styling materials in hand. Soon after he sat down with Ning Yingying and Ming Fan at the low table, Luo Binghe placed a plate of steamed buns in front of Shen Yuan before pulling a cushion behind him.

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened at the sight. There was no way Binghe had made these in such a short time! Unless he had premade the dough… that would make more sense. There was no time to ask questions! He grabbed one of the buns, bringing it up to his already watering mouth as Luo Binghe got to work on his hair.

Meanwhile, Ning Yingying and Ming Fan felt they were very much intruding with how such an intimate moment was treated as an everyday occurrence by the two boys. They truly were practically married in every way but name! Waking him up in the mornings, making him breakfast, even combing and styling his hair, Luo Binghe was the epitome of someone spoiling their spouse rotten! 

Soon enough, Shen Yuan finished his breakfast while Luo Binghe finished combing his hair and pulled it into a high ponytail using Shen Yuan’s tattered green ribbon. Another thing that Ning Yingying and Ming Fan noted was that Shen Yuan wouldn’t let anybody but Luo Binghe touch that ribbon, not even Shen Qingqiu. Really, could they be any more oblivious?

After hurriedly washing the dishes, Shen Yuan finally cheerily said, “Alright! Let’s get going!” As he strapped Chao Xing to his hip.

The quartet set out, picking up a few other Qing Jing disciples on the way to Qiong Ding Peak while Shen Yuan was practically vibrating with excitement, his energy contagious as he bounded around the group. He mostly circled Luo Binghe, who enthusiastically kept up a conversation with the boy the entire time as he walked. 

When Qiong Ding came into sight, Luo Binghe had to grab Shen Yuan’s hand to prevent him from sprinting ahead. The further they progressed, Shen Yuan’s excitement ebbed into nervousness and impatience. Soon after they walked off the rainbow bridge onto Qiong Ding Peak, that nervousness and impatience turned into a simmering anxiety and a sense of foreboding.

Binghe noticed his mood change nearly instantly. He squeezed Shen Yuan’s hand and looked at him concernedly. They had some distance from the rest of the group, giving their conversation a bit of privacy. “A-Yuan?”

Shen Yuan met Binghe’s gaze and gave him a small smile. “Ah, I’m fine! I’m fine!” He waved his free hand. “Something just feels a little off. I think I’m imagining it, don’t worry, " he assured his friend, his demeanor brightening back up. 

Shen Yuan was usually open with him so Luo Binghe decided to trust him on this. If he thought he was imagining it, then it must be his imagination. He released Shen Yuan’s hand and instead wrapped an arm around his shoulders as a small comfort, just in case. practically beaming at the appreciative smile Shen Yuan gave him in return. 

When the entrance to the Ling Xi Caves came into sight, Shen Yuan couldn’t help but feel the excitement bubbling back up inside of him. He was going to see his brother again after a long and boring year! He couldn’t wait to show Shen Qingqiu his progress with his martial arts and his guqin playing, he’d improved very much!

Ah, he’d definitely need to keep the fact that he’d been plagiarizing songs from a different world for his composition assignments a secret, though…

Anyway, they had arrived at the Ling Xi Caves! There wasn’t much to do now, just wait for Shen Qingqiu to exit. Shen Yuan rolled back and forth on his feet as he nervously stood by Luo Binghe, that strange feeling of foreboding increasing by the second. Something was itching at the back of his mind, telling him that something was supposed to be happening today that wasn’t just Shen Qingqiu leaving seclusion. But what could it possibly be? 

He found himself running his hands through Binghe’s hair and occasionally braiding it to calm himself. Soon enough, Luo Binghe found himself without any stray hairs and many small braids littered throughout. While Shen Yuan found himself anxious, Luo Binghe found himself in complete bliss at the feeling of his hair being played with. 

Luo Binghe turned his head to speak to Shen Yuan, pausing when he saw Shen Yuan with a frown and eyebrows furrowed. Before he could say anything, the ground began shaking with a loud BOOM! sounding in the distance. Luo Binghe found that bliss seeping away into horror as screams shortly followed the explosion. 

Bells began to sound as a chain of explosions shook the entire mountain. Shen Yuan distantly heard Ning Yingying asking fearfully what was happening as she latched onto Ming Fan, but all he could focus on was the sight of the rainbow bridges collapsing. The entrance to the Ling Xi Caves was relatively high up, giving them a birds-eye view of the disaster unfolding below.

“Invasion.” Luo Binghe’s voice shook as he watched the sight of demons flooding Qiong Ding Peak. Shen Yuan’s mind went into turmoil as Ming Fan began to shout orders to his fellow Qing Jing disciples to take shelter in the caves. He barely registered himself beginning to run down the hill until Luo Binghe grabbed onto his arm. “A-Yuan, where are you going?” 

Shen Yuan’s heart was racing as he met Luo Binghe’s eyes. “We have to help– we can’t just leave the other disciples on their own! If we can get everyone to take shelter in the Ling Xi Caves, then when gege comes out he can protect everyone easier.” He explained hurriedly, drawing Chao Xing from its sheath as he continued his rush down the hill.

“I’m going with you then!” Binghe insisted, drawing Zheng Yang from its sheath as well. 

Shen Yuan nodded before he heard Ming Fan calling for him. “Da-Shixiong,” He called out. “Bang on the walls until Gege comes out! Binghe and I are going to help the other disciples to escape to the caves!”

Ming Fan looked hesitant and then nodded. “Damn it, Xiao-shidi you better not get hurt or Shifu will have my head!” He called out back before turning back to the cave entrance, pulling Ning Yingying along with him. 

Shen Yuan was slightly amused before he turned back to the sight of the demons invading. “Let’s go.” He said to Luo Binghe, who nodded and followed after him. 

The next incense stick of time was a blur. He and Luo Binghe split up to cover more ground in order to be more efficient. Shen Yuan’s body moved on its own, cutting down stray demons who tried to hurt his sect siblings as he continued his descent. He obtained minor injuries, but they weren’t anything that prohibited his movement.

It didn’t take him long to end up following the path to Qiong Ding’s audience hall. The Cang Qiong sect guards were circling and preventing the main demon entourage from progressing further. Shen Yuan felt a trickle of relief when he saw Luo Binghe amongst the crowd that had gathered, pushing through the people to reach his friend.

Luo Binghe looked tired when Shen Yuan finally reached him, his eyes lighting up with relief when he saw him. “A-Yuan, are you hurt anywhere?” Binghe immediately asked, checking over Shen Yuan with worry clouding his expression. He came to a halt when he saw a large bloodstained tear on Shen Yuan’s sleeve, a deep gash visible on his upper arm. “A-Yuan, your arm!” His face paled.

Shen Yuan had a confused expression as he looked down at his injured arm. “It’s not that serious, don’t worry.” He assured Luo Binghe. “It’s barely throbbing, I’m sure it’ll be healed within a day.”

The worry on Binghe’s face didn’t go away. Instead of letting it go, he gripped his sleeve and tore a strip off to wrap around Shen Yuan’s wound tightly. “You don’t know if any of these demons have poisoned weapons; you should be more careful.” He huffed.

An appreciative smile came onto Shen Yuan’s face. “Thank you, Binghe.” He said, patting Binghe’s cheek gently. His heart nearly melted when Luo Binghe looked at him with his head tilted slightly down, enhancing the look of how big his eyes were. “I’ll be okay, really.”

Binghe finally nodded, grabbing hold of one of Shen Yuan’s hands and clinging to it like it was his lifeline. 

Shen Yuan felt himself relax slightly at the feeling of Luo Binghe being this close to him. And a strange feeling in his stomach. He turned his attention back to the huddle of demons in front of the audience hall, scanning over them before his eyes fell on who was clearly the leader of this invasion. The demon was a young girl, couldn’t be much older than him if not younger. The outfit she wore consisted of red gauzy cloth that barely covered anything up. He couldn’t help but feel his face begin to heat up at how revealing her outfit was.

She wore a cluster of jewelry around her wrists, ankles, and neck, making a jingling sound every time she moved. Her hair was in an intricate style, mostly braided and not too unlike how Ning Yingying would sometimes wear her hair.

Oh good god, the girl wasn’t even wearing shoes! The trek from the demon realm and all the way up the Cang Qiong Mountain must have been very trying, young miss, how were your feet not bloody and bruised? They must hurt! Shen Yuan shivered at the thought. He and Binghe had traveled long distances as children with shoes that were practically falling apart at every movement, he couldn’t imagine all that traveling while barefoot. 

“We should start discreetly sending the other disciples here to the Ling Xi Caves,” Shen Yuan whispered to Binghe. “Gege should be here any moment now if Da-Shixiong and Yingying have all the disciples banging on the walls.”

Luo Binghe nodded in agreement. “Hopefully they’ll go running with their tails between their legs once Shen-Shishu gets here.”

Shen Yuan flashed a smile. “Gege will for sure be able to chase them off. They’re already being pushed back by the guards alone, they won’t stand a chance against a peak lord!”

Luo Binghe smiled back before the two split once again, sneaking through the crowd and telling the other disciples where to go. 

Shen Yuan found himself near the front of the crowd, nearest to the entourage of demons. A few demons had broken past the guards and pushed through the crowd. Shen Yuan’s eye twitched at the sight before he grabbed them by their collars, brazenly tossing them at the demon saintess's feet.

Oops. Now everyone’s attention was on him. 

There were plenty of disciples in the crowd who recognized Shen Yuan, all of them going pale at the sight of him. A disciple that Shen Yuan recognized as the Qiong Ding head disciple rushed toward him, taking him by the shoulders and trying to force him back into the crowd while cursing about how if the demons didn’t kill them all, Shen Qingqiu would.

Before she could successfully hide Shen Yuan, the demon saintess kicked the demons thrown at her feet aside and looked furious. “You! Who do you think you are!?”

Good grief, tone down on the shrill, would you? Shen Yuan could practically feel the brattiness radiating off of this girl! He pushed past the head disciple and stood tall, channeling his inner Shen Qingqiu. “I could ask you the same question!” He huffed, crossing his arms. “You’re the one invading Cang Qiong while the sect leader is away and acting smug about it!”

The silver bangles on her wrists clinked together when she put her hands on her hips, the bells hanging off her waist and ankles jingling softly as she shifted her pose. “Sha Hualing, Demon Saintess of the Sha clan!” 

Damn it! That sounded a lot cooler than Shen Yuan, Disciple of Qing Jing! He flicked his fan open, about to rack his mind for an answer that seemed just as cool, when words that sounded an awful lot like a wiki entry suddenly flooded his mind– 

Sha Hualing, vicious and merciless, was a pure-blooded demon who sought to slaughter the disciples of Qiong Ding and seize the nameplate of the hall as a war trophy shortly after being granted the title of Demon Saintess. Not only would it be proof of her achievement, but it would also send a message to the human realm that she would be a force to be reckoned with. But later on, she would turn traitor to her own race after falling madly in love with Luo Binghe and eventually marry him.

What.

WHAT.

Shen Yuan’s mind felt as if a knife had been embedded into his head, his vision swimming. He didn’t understand where this information came from– could it be possible that Shen Yuan had read Shang Qinghua’s novel in his past life? 

He hadn’t thought much about it before, but it would make plenty of sense. When he and Luo Binghe had first met, he’d felt an extreme amount of familiarity despite never having interacted before. It had been the same with the peak lords and a few of his fellow disciples; deep down, he’d feel a strange sense of familiarity, as if he knew them before. 

More importantly, WIFE!?

He knew Shang Qinghua had told him Luo Binghe was the main character of this story, but he had never mentioned that the man got married in the future! 

He supposed it made sense. Luo Binghe was stupidly handsome with a smile that could charm whoever laid eyes on it. His voice was alluring, drawing anyone listening deep in, and his compliments were ever so sweet and caused others to swoon over him. Who knows how much more tempting Luo Binghe would be when he was older? No doubt enough to attract many possible brides…

Shen Yuan felt a tight squeeze form around his heart, a fire he refused to acknowledge as jealousy blazing in his stomach. 

Shen Yuan snapped his fan back shut despite his struggle to keep his displeasure from showing on his face. Resting the fan against his chin, he straightened his posture and regained most of his composure. “Demon Saintess, you say?” Shen Yuan inquired. 

Sha Hualing grew somewhat unnerved at Shen Yuan’s demeanor change. “Can’t you hear?” She scoffed.

A cold smile came to his face, strongly reminding many in the Cang Qiong crowd of Shen Qingqiu, and he moved his fan to his cheek instead. “I just wonder how long you’ve held that title, that’s all.” Shen Yuan said, “Judging by your arrogance, it hasn’t been long.”

“You–!” 

“Let me guess,” He interrupted. “You just recently earned your title and eager to prove and make a name for yourself, you decided to invade Cang Qiong while its defenses were weak.” He flicked his fan back open, waving it leisurely. “You planned to slaughter the entirety of Qiong Ding Peak and take its hall nameplate as a trophy, making a name for yourself in both the human and demon realms.” 

Sha Hualing was unlike Shen Yuan, she had no fan to hide the disbelief that spread on her face. Murmurs rose in the crowd, Shen Yuan’s words slowly giving his fellow disciples more confidence.

Shen Yuan moved his fan so that only his eyes were visible. “You even severed the rainbow bridge connecting the peaks and set up a barrier, ensuring Qiong Ding Peak could receive no help. It truly sounds like a foolproof plan. Unfortunately for you, Miss Sha, Cang Qiong has been named the number one sect for a good reason.”

Taunts and insults directed at Sha Hualing’s troupe erupted from the crowd after Shen Yuan finished speaking. He let out a quiet sigh, startling when he felt a hand brush against his waist. He turned his head to see Luo Binghe, who flashed him a smile when they made eye contact. Shen Yuan smiled back, relaxing ever so slightly at Binghe’s touch.

Unbeknownst to the two, Sha Hualing’s eyes had lit up in interest when Luo Binghe appeared, her expression quickly souring when she watched his hand trail along and eventually settle on Shen Yuan’s waist. Gritting her teeth, she soon spoke up, “Young master, you misunderstand. Ling-er had simply heard of how Cang Qiong Mountain produces many young heroes, so we simply wanted to ascend the mountain to take a look, as well as spar and learn from you all.” She twirled a stray hair around her finger with her eyes on Luo Binghe. 

Shen Yuan’s eye twitched. He stepped forward intending to speak more, but before he could even open his mouth, a familiar voice from the crowd carried over. “If that were true, why do so while the Sect Leader is away?” His voice was calm, yet those around could detect a fine sheet of fury underneath. “Why harm the disciples of the sect and sever the rainbow bridges connecting the peaks? This master hasn’t seen this method of sparring before.”

Shen Yuan’s head whipped around, his eyes lighting up as he saw the crowd of disciples parting to make way for Shen Qingqiu. “Gege!” 

A chorus of ‘Shen-Shishu!’s and ‘Shizun!’s rang out at the sight of Shen Qingqiu. Ming Fan was by his side, eyes searching the crowd before landing on Shen Yuan and then on his injury. His face paled at the sight, stress immediately appearing in his expression. “Xiao-shidi! Didn’t I tell you not to get hurt!?”

Face turning somewhat pink, Shen Yuan looked down at the wound on his arm and then back up at Ming Fan. “It’s really not that bad! Why are you guys making such a big deal about it?”

Shen Qingqiu strode forward, coming to a stop beside Shen Yuan. He didn’t spare even a glance for the demon troupe as he began to look his younger brother over. His expression was severe as he grabbed Shen Yuan’s arm, lifting the makeshift bandage to check the extremity of the wound. 

Shen Yuan didn’t move the entire time; only when Shen Qingqiu began to examine his wound did he speak up. “Gege, it really doesn’t hurt. It looks worse than it is.”

Shen Qingqiu’s expression softened involuntarily at Shen Yuan’s attempt to reassure him. He cupped Shen Yuan’s face with both hands, having an internal strife over whether or not he should lecture his didi. The fact that Shen Yuan now reached his chest didn’t help. “Who taught you to jump headfirst into danger, hm?” Shen Qingqiu questioned. “You’re taking too much after the sect leader in that area.”

Shen Yuan gave him a cheeky smile. “You can’t blame Qi-ge for everything!”

Shen Qingqiu snorted, pinching Shen Yuan’s cheek. “Who says I can’t?” 

Sha Hualing watched this ordeal go down, her mind in turmoil. With Shen Qingqiu’s arrival, her plans were put at severe risk. Her chances of accomplishing her task looked to be very low now. Not only that, but this little brat who insulted her was unexpectedly the younger brother of Shen Qingqiu. Who was going to tell her this!? This would have been nice to know before she sent her troupe off to terrorize everyone on the peak! 

“Immortal master, Ling-er wanted to—" Sha Hualing began to speak again, attempting to sway things back in her favor by suggesting a method where neither party would walk out humiliated, but–

Shen Qingqiu swiftly shut her up with a glare, disgust visible on his face. “This master will give you demons two options,” He released Shen Yuan’s face, turning his full body toward the Sha Hualing and her underlings. “You can either flee with your tails between your legs, or every single one of you can meet your demise.”

Sha Hualing’s heart thumped in her chest. This wasn’t supposed to be how this went! “Senior Shen, if you only show a little mercy, Ling-er has a perfect solution–”

“You must be out of your mind if you truly believe that I’d listen to the likes of you after your subordinates have harmed someone dear to me. You are lucky to be standing alive right now.” Shen Qingqiu cut her off once again, leaving her no room to protest. He drew Xiu Ya from its sheath, pointing it at the entourage of demons. “Make your choice.”

Gritting her teeth, Sha Hualing took a step back. She was only freshly named Demon Saintess, she was in no way as powerful as an immortal cultivator who had just exited seclusion. Coming to a conclusion, she took another step back and waved her hand, indicating for her subordinates to retreat. She knew Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t change his mind, there was no point in humilating herself further by sending them all to their deaths. 

Shen Yuan let out a small sigh of relief despite the strange feeling that this wasn’t how things were supposed to go. His brother truly was amazing, scaring them off in such a short time.

Though unbeknownst to them, there was a demon in the crowd that was not fond of this outcome, more so than others. Carrying a large hammer and bearing spiked armor from head to toe, along with the displeasure of his leader being disgraced, he took steps forward rather than steps backward to retreat.

Sha Hualing and Shen Qingqiu noticed this instantly. “Fool! Stand down!” Sha Hualing shouted at him. “Elder Sky Hammer!”

Hurriedly, Shen Qingqiu swiftly pushed Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe out of the way before raising Xiu Ya and meeting the charging demon head-on. With a flash of light, Shen Qingqiu cut Elder Sky hammer down gracefully without batting an eye. The demon crumpled to the ground face-first near Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe, not moving once down.

Shen Qingqiu scoffed, sending a glare at Sha Hualing, who looked furious. “Idiot! Stay down, you could have cost us all our lives!” Her voice shaking from anger as she yelled. “If you’re still alive, you can go ahead and figure out what to do with yourself!”

But just as everyone thought the demon had been cut down for good, he sprang up and leapt at Luo Binghe, who had still been standing nearby. His thought process had been simple; if he couldn’t take down Shen Qingqiu, he would take the person who seemed to be most important to the man's younger brother. He had already embarrassed himself and the rest of the troupe there; how could he go down without a single kill?

Shen Yuan had been walking toward Shen Qingqiu when Elder Sky Hammer attacked. At the sight of Luo Binghe being attacked, he felt his blood go cold. Of course, logically, he knew that Luo Binghe was very capable of protecting himself. But his body moved faster than his brain, and before he knew it, he had moved in an instant and was pushing Binghe out of the line of the attack. 

Distantly, he could’ve sworn he heard his name being yelled by both Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe. He thought he heard a few Xiao-shidi’s in there as well. That was the least of his worries as a giant demon with spiked armour was hurtling at him at top speed. It would be fine! He would simply block with the arm guards that Wei Qingwei had gifted him for his birthday, which were nearly indestructible.

As the spikes pierced the skin on his left arm, he suddenly remembered that he’d forgotten to put them on in his rush this morning. 

The next moments were a blur to him. The impact of the attack had left him several chi from his original standing point, his head spinning as excruciating pain burst in his arm. 

Shen Yuan was good with physical pain. He could withstand a great amount without shedding a tear, but this was a different type of pain– he could feel something rapidly spreading through his spiritual veins. He had been poisoned. 

He barely registered Shen Qingqiu at his side while he hunched over in pain, his vision blurring and his chest heaving as he gasped for air. He could feel a mouthful of blood struggling to break out as well. 

Distantly, he heard the demon say something about the poison, something about it being incurable. Ah, just his luck, right? When he managed to slightly lift his head to look at the demon, the demon had already lost its head, its blood on Luo Binghe’s sword. 

“A-Yuan! A-Yuan, didi keep your eyes open for gege, okay?” Shen Qingqiu’s voice was faint and panicked. Shen Yuan turned his head back to see that Shen Qingqiu was paler than a ghost. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but only a surge of blood spilled out of his mouth, splattering all over his and Shen Qingqiu’s light green and white robes and staining them red. 

Shen Yuan knew that he was the only one who could manage to crack Shen Qingqiu’s cold shell. He was very capable of making the man smile and laugh. Turns out, he was also very capable of turning his expression into pure terror.

He could hear Shen Qingqiu saying something more, but it was a jumbled mess for Shen Yuan. Luo Binghe’s teary face soon came into his vision as well, his voice sounding distraught as Shen Yuan could barely make out his name being formed on Binghe’s lips. 

Next thing he knew, his vision blacked out momentarily, and he came back to hear explosions and see a shower of sword glares coming down on the demon troupe. His eyes widened slightly, and he gripped the cloth on Shen Qingqiu’s chest tightly. “Gege, gege,” his voice was rough from the blood he’d coughed up earlier. “I… I wanna learn how to do that…”

Shen Qingqiu, who had been attempting to get the poison under control, paused and looked at Shen Yuan with a sorrowful expression. “I’ll teach you, didi. You just have to stay awake for gege and get a little stronger, okay? I’ll teach you anything you ask, just please, stay alive .”

Oh. Was he at risk of dying for a third time? That really would suck. Maybe he would get lucky again and wake up perfectly fine. But this time, he didn’t have a strange magical mushroom that seemed to heal his injuries. He still wondered why he woke up underground…

He barely registered himself being lifted up and soon flying through the sky before his vision blacked out once again. 

+++

Shen Yuan had no idea how much time had passed once he finally woke up next. 

His entire body ached, his left arm most. This felt familiar to him, reminding him vaguely of his past life when his body had been tirelessly fighting against his illness. Except this time, it was his qi desperately fighting against a demonic poison. A small pit formed at the sense of familiarity, but he chose to push it away and finally open his eyes. 

He recognized the ceiling of the private room on Qian Cao almost instantly. He blinked a few times before letting out a quiet groan as he tried to move his sore limbs. 

He felt movement beside him before Luo Binghe’s face appeared in front of his. “A-Yuan?” Binghe’s voice shook as he tentatively reached out and cupped Shen Yuan’s face. 

Shen Yuan was slightly dazed as he tried to focus on Binghe’s voice and face. When he made eye contact with him, clarity seemed to reach him as a smile spread on his face. “Binghe.” He responded fondly, his voice weak from not being used. 

Tears sprang to Binghe’s eyes, instantly beginning to pour down his face. “A-Yuan… A-Yuan!” Sobs shook his body as he leaned forward, pulling Shen Yuan into a tight embrace and burying his face in the crook of his neck. “I was so scared… A-Yuan, I thought I was going to lose you…”

Shen Yuan wrapped his arms around Luo Binghe, using one hand to cradle his head. “Shh… Silly, it’ll take a lot more than that to get rid of me.”

“You’ve been asleep for days...” Luo Binghe sniffled, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Shen Yuan hummed, taking note of how Luo Binghe was under the same blanket as him. He pulled the blanket over them a little further and began to gently massage Binghe’s scalp and brushing through his hair with his fingers. 

A creaking noise came from the door, Shen Qingqiu appearing in the doorway shortly after. When he saw Shen Yuan awake, his eyes widened, and he rushed over to the bed. “A-Yuan!”

Shen Yuan smiled as his face was cupped and peppered with kisses by Shen Qingqiu. “Gege!” He laughed softly. 

Shen Qingqiu began to pinch him all over. “You stupid, stupid didi! Do you have any clue how much worry you’ve caused!?” He scolded. “And you! Leaping on him as soon as he wakes up? Off!” He began to push Luo Binghe off Shen Yuan.

“Gege, gege! He’s fine! I would’ve pushed him off if I were uncomfortable!“ He said while laughing softly and watching as his brother desperately tried to push Luo Binghe off, despite Luo Binghe slapping his hands away. 

Shen Qingqiu huffed, stepping back before pressing a hand against Shen Yuan’s forehead. “How are you feeling?” 

“‘M fine. Just achey.”

“Try to walk around a little when you feel rested. There shouldn’t be any poison left in your body, Mu-Shidi stayed awake for nearly three days straight making sure of that.” Shen Qingqiu told him. “You’re very lucky that your spiritual veins are stronger than most and overpowered the poison. If you had been a regular cultivator it could have left you crippled.”

Guilt flashed on Shen Yuan’s face. “I’ll have to apologize to Mu-ge for troubling him.”

Luo Binghe suddenly sat up. “A-Yaun, are you hungry?” 

Just as Shen Yuan was about to say no, his stomach suddenly growled and caused his face to flush red. He then nodded shyly, letting Luo Binghe get up.

As Binghe rushed out of the room to head to the kitchens, Shen Qingqiu made sure to call after him to make to food bland and easy on the stomach. After letting out a sigh, Shen Qingqiu shortly took Luo Binghe’s place on the bed and pulled Shen Yuan into his arms. “I don’t ever want to see you jump into danger like that again, you hear me?” His voice was stern but shaky.

Shen Yuan curled into Shen Qingqiu’s embrace. “I’m sorry, Gege. I’m okay.”

Shen Qingqiu abruptly pulled back. “No, A-Yuan, I don’t think you realize the position you were in!” He tilted Shen Yuan’s head up. “Baobei, you almost died. I almost lost you. Again.”

“No, no–” Shen Yuan shook his head, almost panicky. “I didn’t– that wasn’t what dying feels like–” He cut himself off, paling. “Not– Not that I know what it’s like. Just not uhm, what I imagined it to feel like.”

Shen Qingqiu tensed, his expression turning indescribable as his eyes scanned every bit of Shen Yuan’s face. “A-Yuan,” His voice was tense. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

He avoided eye contact at all costs. “I know…” Shen Yuan whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m still afraid.”

Shen Qingqiu remained quiet before pulling Shen Yuan in for another hug. He petted his brother's hair, searching for what to say. After some hesitation, he pulled away from the hug and cupped Shen Yuan’s face, giving him a kiss on the forehead. “Are you thirsty? I’ll get you some tea.” 

Shen Yuan nodded and Shen Qingqiu got up from the bed. He watched his older brother exit the room before slumping back into his bed, exhaustion hitting him like a wave. He stared at the ceiling of the room for a good amount of time before sitting up again. He turned his body, ignoring the sharp pains in his joints, and got to his feet. 

He couldn’t tell if it was just anxiety, but he had the strange feeling of being watched. It was ridiculous, there was no one else in the room, and the curtains were drawn. He let out a soft sigh, it was fine. Luo Binghe or Shen Qingqiu would be back soon enough, and he’d be fine. Besides, if someone was watching him, he was more than capable of defending himself despite not being in top condition.

He wandered around the room momentarily before coming to a stop in front of a small water basin. He knelt, cupping his hands and bringing the water to his face to clean it. Feeling somewhat better, he used a dry cloth that was hanging off the side of the bin to dry his face off. 

“Have you been having fun?” A chillingly familiar woman’s voice sounded close to his ear. 

Shen Yuan couldn’t even turn his head fast enough to look before a sharp pain erupted in his head as his hair was yanked, sending him tumbling backward.

He didn’t need to see her face to know who it was. That voice would be ingrained into his memory for as long as he lived, no matter how much he wished to forget. Furious black eyes met his own, blood red nails scraping against a nearby surface. A petrifying smile spread on her face as she took a few steps toward him. “What is it, A-Lin?” Her voice was sickenly sweet. “You really thought you were free?”

Shen Yuan felt sick. He couldn’t move; his breathing was shallow as panic surged through him. “No– No! No!” He tried to push himself away from Madam Xia, but his arms gave out from underneath him. Memories surged forward– his own cries from her beating him, the sound of the maid yelling before the thud of her body hitting the floor, the crack of a whip–

A wail tore from his throat as he was suddenly manhandled. Two guards he hadn’t seen twisted his arms behind his back and Madam Xia forcefully pressed a cloth to his mouth, a sneer on her face. 

Tears soaked his face as he fought in the grasp of the guards, desperately trying to scream for his Gege. This couldn’t be happening! It wasn’t– this was a nightmare he was going to wake up from. Binghe would be under the covers with him and Shen Qingqiu would be sitting beside the bed, comforting him in his sleep. 

Cang Qiong had some of the strongest defenses, there was no way Madam Xia could just slip in like this–

The invasion. The realization hit him harshly. Had she really just snuck in during the chaos and waited for him to wake up? 

He needed to escape, but he couldn’t. The poison had left him weak, and the guards were larger and stronger than him. The cloth that was pressed to his face had some kind of sleeping powder on it and his vision was beginning to black out. 

Faintly, he heard voices screaming his name and what sounded like someone trying to body slam the door to the room. Sobs shook his body as the last of his consciousness left him, the last thing he saw being Madam Xia’s victorious expression.

Chapter Text

There was a soft rustling of trees moving with the wind and cushiony grass underneath them, the sound of a woman humming a comforting tune ringing out across the clearing. Warm light cast down on them as Shen Yuan shifted his position on the maid's lap, trying to get more comfortable so he could sleep a little while longer. 

Her hand was running through his hair, sometimes coming down to scratch his back as well. He let out a contented sigh, feeling a lot like a cat basking in the sun as the maid’s humming came to a slow stop before she let out a quiet sigh. “Little one, we need to head back inside before the Madam returns home.” She said. 

Shen Yuan let out a quiet whine. “Just a little while longer, Jiejie! Please?”

The maid let out an amused hum before pinching one of his cheeks. “Come on, we shouldn’t risk upsetting her. Plus, we’re not even supposed to be out here, remember?”

“Okaaaay.” Shen Yuan groaned, finally opening his eyes. Sun rays blinded him as hands helped him to his feet before pulling him into a tight hug, his head resting on her shoulder. When had he grown tall enough to do that? Strange, a five-year-old shouldn’t be this tall. 

She squeezed him before taking a step back. “Look at how much you’ve grown.” She sighed wistfully, one of her hands coming up to cup his cheek. “So strong now.”

Shen Yuan smiled, leaning into her touch. “What’re you talking about, Jiejie?” He asked. “I’m not that strong.”

She snorted, pinching his cheek and taking his hand, leading him toward the house. “I should be asking what you are talking about. Not that strong after everything you’ve been through? What nonsense.”

Shen Yuan stayed quiet as she led him to the familiar house of his nightmares. He felt his legs locking up the closer they got to the front door, eventually coming to a full stop before he could step inside. “Jiejie, do we have to go inside? It’s so nice out, can’t we stay–”

“Little one,” She cut off. “I need to make sure you remember.”

There was a moment of silence before Shen Yuan nodded, letting himself be pulled into the house. Every step he took caused more and more anxiety to build up in his stomach, closer to spilling over the closer and closer they got to that room. 

He’d almost forgotten what this house looked like, familiarity slowly seeping back into him the further they toured the house. She had him lead sometimes, making sure he remembered how to get to certain rooms and how to get to the front door from those rooms. 

Eventually, she let him to the room he dreaded most. They stopped in front of the door, both of their face shrouded in anxiety. “We don’t need to go in.” The maid said quietly. “But I do need to know that you know the safest and most efficient way to get to the front door from here.”

He stared at the door, his hand strangely itching to open it. 

No, he didn’t need to open it. 

He had a feeling he would be seeing the interior very soon. 

Shen Yuan tugged her hand softly before leading her to the front door. He walked down the hallway, dodging the creaky floorboards and walking in a way that didn’t make the sound of footsteps. He paused halfway through, looking back at his Jiejie to find that she had grown quite tall– or rather, he had gotten a lot closer to the floor. She looked down at him and gave him a little nod to continue. 

He now had to reach up in order to hold her hand and use a little more strength to hold on. He led her through the kitchen and then the living room before finally reaching the front door again. He looked up at her with sparkling eyes, asking, “Jiejie, did I do good?”

Her expression was melancholic as she nodded, a small smile coming to her face. The nice outside weather had turned dark, thunder rumbling in the distance as rainclouds fast approached the house. The maid knelt down to be eye level with him, words struggling to come to her as she held eye contact with him. “Little one,” She began. “You did very well. Jijie is proud. I’m sure your Gege and Qi-ge that you told me about are very proud as well.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes turned into crescents as he smiled. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” She said while nodding. “Who couldn’t be proud of you?” She questioned before pinching his sides to make him giggle. “Now listen to me, little one, I have something very important I need you to do and I can’t be there to support you.”

He looked up at her with curiosity glinting in his eyes. “Why can’t Jiejie be there?”

“Jiejie simply can’t, I’m sorry.” She said sadly, petting his head. “But I know you can do it without me. You’re going to be in a very difficult situation soon, one that you think you may not be able to handle. But you will be able to. You’re very strong and very brave, even if you don’t think you are.”

Shen Yuan nodded along, a knowing feeling starting to sink into him. “If Jiejie says I can, then I believe her.” He said quietly.

She smiled at that, gently squeezing one of his hands as the thunder outside grew louder. “Good. You need to keep believing that, no matter what. No matter how much harm comes to you, you are strong and resilient, you can do whatever you put your mind to.” Her eyes began to grow teary. “Keep all of that in your mind while you escape, okay? It’s going to seem impossible when you wake up but I know you can get home. Don’t let that woman ruin what you have, don’t let her break your mind and tear down your confidence. Make her see that she cannot control you.”

Shen Yuan surged forward, finding himself the size of a fifteen-year-old again as he hugged the maid tightly. “Jiejie,” He hiccuped, tears beginning to fall down his face. “I’m scared. I’m scared of what she’s going to do to me, I don’t want to die again–”

“You will not die again.” Her voice was stern as she hugged him back. “You will live, you will escape, and be happy . You are going to get out of this horrible place and go back to your home.”

Sobs shook his body as he clung to the maid. “Please don’t leave again! I’m sorry, Jiejie it was all my fault! I miss you so much.”

She rubbed his back. “Nothing that happened was your fault. The decisions that woman made are not your fault, not even close.” She said softly. “You’re going to be okay, I promise. Even if it takes a while, in the end, you will be okay. You have the support of so many people who love you, those whom you can confide in. Especially that Luo Binghe of yours.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened. “You know about Binghe?” He asked through a few sniffles. 

She pulled away, nodding. “I think you chose very well.” She said with a smile. “If you feel you can’t confide in your brother, then confide in him.”

Shen Yuan hesitated before nodding. “I’ll try.” He said while trying to dry his face, eventually leaning back into the maid’s arms. “You’d really like him, Jiejie, he’s very charming.”

“I’m sure I would.” She said while softly laughing. 

The room they were in turned white as a flash of lightning struck down, the thunder the loudest it could be as it grew closer and closer. Rain began to harshly pelt down on the house, the wind whistling as it shook the trees, almost tearing them down. 

The duo watched through the window, holding each other tightly. Something in Shen Yuan knew that his time with the maid was ending soon. He looked back at her, unsurprised to see that the wounds she’d obtained that day were visible once more on her neck, her eyes dull. She gave him a sad smile, caressing his cheek before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You must escape. You must. ” Tears began to run down her face. “Escape!”

Near-deafening thunder crashed, echoing through his head as freezing water splashed his face and startling him awake. He gasped, the coldness of the water seeming to seep to his bones as he tried to blink the blurriness in his vision away. 

He let out a soft whimper, trying to curl in on himself to warm up, but when he tried to move his arms, they were restrained by chains. He began to tug desperately at the chains, tears already forming in his eyes as he started to hyperventilate. 

A sharp crack! sounded as pain erupted in his cheek. He fell silent, blinking rapidly to clear his vision of tears. He looked up, locking eyes with Madam Xia, his heart thrumming with fear. 

Disgust was evident on her face as she stared scornfully down at him. She stayed silent even as he pushed himself flat against the wall behind him, scanning every inch of him. She took a step forward, her hand flying forward to grab Shen Yuan’s face and forcing him to look at her. “Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t escape.” She calmly said as Shen Yuan tried to pull out of her grasp. “Those cuffs are more powerful than immortal binding cables. You won’t be able to access a drop of your spiritual energy.”

Shen Yuan let out a sob, struggling against the chains. “Let… Let go of me!”

She ignored him, using her grip to turn his face left and right. “What a shame,” She sighed. “Now that you’re older, you look less like him. I should have put something in the soil to ensure your growth was stunted.” She let go of his face, taking a few steps back. 

He paused in his struggling at that, his mind churning before he looked up at her with confusion evident on his face. “What… What do you mean?”

She clicked her tongue. “The soil where your body was grown?” She said as if it were common sense. She then tilted her head, realizing something. “Child, how do you think you are alive right now?”

 Shen Yuan’s breath was shaky. “I– I thought–” That he was buried after he died, and whatever that mushroom thing was, was simply just a magical healing thing that happened to spread those healing properties to the soil around it and managed to reach Shen Yuan’s body, reviving him. Not what Madam Xia was implying. Not that he was in an entirely different body, one that wasn’t human at all. 

As realization and horror spread across Shen Yuan’s expression, Madam Xia grew a mocking smile. “You know you died, yet you still believed you were somehow human?” A laugh shook her body. 

“Lying… you’re lying!”  He started to struggle in his restraints again, his tears resuming. “Let me go! Gege! Qi-Ge!” He began to wail. 

Madam Xia’s smile faltered as Shen Yuan began to cry again, irritation growing visible on her face. “Why must you always call for others, A-Lin?” She wondered aloud. “Momma’s right here.” She brushed her hand against his cheek, wiping away some of the wetness. 

Shen Yuan trembled under her touch, fear overriding all sense in his mind. Next thing he knew, there was the taste of blood in his mouth as he bit down on Madam Xia’s hand. She let out a yell of pain and Shen Yuan saw stars when she lurched forward, wrapping her uninjured hand tightly around his neck and lifting him.

With his hands restrained, there was nothing he could do to fight against her save for squirming in her grasp. Madam Xia looked furious as she tightened her grip, watching as his face turned red from the lack of air. “It seems Lin-er has forgotten the rules in the time we haven’t spent together. We need to fix that.” She rasped, dropping him and taking a step back as Shen Yuan gasped for air on the ground. “Guards!” She snapped. 

Two figures that Shen Yuan recognized as the two guards who had been with Madam Xia at the time he was kidnapped appeared instantly by her side. He let out a sob, feeling a sudden sense of foreboding wash over him. 

She turned her back to him, holding her injured hand to her chest. “Strip him of everything but his pants and face him toward the wall.” She instructed as she walked out of the room. 

He was already frozen to the bone, and now she wanted to take away his only source of warmth? So what if they were soaked? Being soaked while clothed was better than being soaked while naked! He tried to fight back, kicking and screaming as his robes were ripped off to no avail. The cold air hit his damp skin, causing him to shudder uncontrollably as he was forcibly turned around.

Madam Xia returned to the room after a brief period of time. The clacking of her heels against the cold concrete floor grew closer and closer to him before silence filled the room after she stopped behind him. “Mama has something to make sure you learn, A-Lin.” Her voice was sickenly sweet as she drew out each syllable and pushed his hair off his back to his front. 

He flinched from her touch, his mind running through every scenario of what she could do to him. “Please…” He whimpered, not knowing exactly what he was begging for. The only thing he got in response was the feeling of something being dragged across his back. It wasn’t a hand– no, it felt like leather. His entire body shaking in fear, he turned his head ever so slightly to see what it was. “ No- NO!” He screamed upon the sight of what it was, wildly struggling in his constraints. 

It was a whip. 

It was a whip!

He was going to die. He was going to die again! The searing pain that he felt in his nightmares, he was going to feel that all over again. Oh gods, he was going to die!

He would feel the warmth draining from his body as his blood drained from his body into a puddle below him. His limbs would render useless as he could do nothing to stop himself from breathing slower and slower, before eventually, there was nothing at all. 

He was dead, dead, dead! This couldn’t be real! That’s right, this was all a dream! He’d wake up with his head on his brother's lap while Binghe was used as a weighted warm blanket, and Qi-ge would bring them snacks and perhaps some new books for Shen Yuan to read because he loved spoiling the boy absolutely rotten–

A scream that turned into a wail ripped violently from his throat as he was cruelly told he was not dreaming by the feeling of his skin being split apart by the whip. Familiar burning pain flooded his body as screams were torn from him with every strike that was laid upon his body. 

He was dying. He was going to die again. His Jiejie had lied to him– he was going to die. He would die in the same damned room he had before with no one there to protect him. The pain was too much to bear.

The sound of the whip cracking against his back stopped after what felt like an eternity, his cries echoing in the desolate room. Faintly, he heard Madam Xia say something, and he was promptly turned back around to face her. He let out a sob as he was moved; everything in his body was in pain from the wounds on his back. 

The woman seemed annoyed by all of the noise he was making. “Oh, shut up.” She sighed. “The whips enchanted to make sure you won’t bleed out and die on me again. Mommy learnt her lesson from last time.” A creepish smile came onto her face. “You won’t leave me again, you hear me, Lin-er?”

Another sob tore itself from his throat. “Please… Let me go…” He begged. 

The whip hung by her side, dripping with blood. Though there was no blood draining from his wounds, the initial slashes must have still spilled blood before enchantment made sure he couldn’t bleed out. She hummed, winding up the whip without caring about the blood that got on her hands because of it, and placed the whip on a hook that was on one of the walls. She didn’t bother to entertain his request and instead grabbed something else that was against the wall. “A-Lin, you forget you belong to me. Your body, your soul, everything belonged to me the moment I bought you all those years ago.” She turned toward him, walking until she was standing in front of him. “Perhaps you need a physical reminder of that so you no longer disobey.”

Shen Yuan was no fool; after all, he was at the top of his classes at Qing Jing for a reason. Even before it started glowing red from spiritual energy, he knew that the object she held was a branding iron with the Xia characters. 

He could only close his eyes and pray to the heavens, begging to know what he had done to deserve such cruelty. He thought of his previous life, trying to think of what he could have possibly done, but from what he could remember, he had simply been a bedridden, terminally ill child. 

All thoughts flew from his mind as he was once again screaming, echoing across the house and even to the outside.

He screamed for his Gege, Qi-ge, Binghe, for anyone to save him. But no one heard him. He had no one but himself in this hellhole.

+++

The room was quiet, save for a few murmurs. The mood was grim, with report after report saying there was no sign of Shen Qingqiu’s baby brother in any of the surrounding areas. 

Shen Qingqiu had not gotten a wink of sleep since the day Shen Yuan had been kidnapped, the sound of his brother screaming ringing in his ears every few moments without fail. 

It all happened so fast. One moment, Shen Qingqiu had been making tea for his brother, and then the next, he heard him screaming. The screams were reminiscent of how he would scream waking up from his nightmares when he first arrived at the sect, only these were more real, as if what was happening in his dreams was actually happening once more. 

He’d raced back to the room to find Luo Binghe body slamming the door over and over, unable to get it open. The boy had tears in his eyes when he saw Shen Qingqiu, crying out, “Shen-Shibo! It won’t open!”

He had pushed the boy out of the way, testing the door to find it wouldn’t budge, most likely due to some sort of barrier spell locking it. Wasting no time, he used a qi blast to break through the barrier and break down the door. 

The screaming had stopped by then. If Shen Qingqiu were a fool, he would think that Shen Yuan had only had a nightmare. But his screams were too severe to be from a nightmare, and it wouldn’t make sense for the boy to set up a barrier spell in the short time Shen Qingqiu was away. He hadn’t even been taught how to do barrier spells yet.

Shen Qingqiu would never admit it aloud, but all he could feel in those moments was fear. From the moment he heard Shen Yuan’s screams to the moment he broke down that door to see a woman dragging his baby boy into a portal that leads to only god knows where. He remembered Shen Yuan’s name tearing from his throat as he shot forward, trying to stop whoever this woman was from taking his brother away from him. 

It didn’t work out in his favor. The woman had mockingly laughed as she and Shen Yuan disappeared in the portal, successfully taking Shen Qingqiu’s didi away from him.

“We will send out people in disguise to search for him in the other sect's territory if he is not found in Cang Qiong territory.” Yue Qingyuan’s voice broke into Shen Qingqiu’s daze. “For now, all of you take a short break. We will reconvene in a quarter of a shichen.”

Yue Qingyuan wasn’t in much better a state than Shen Qingqiu. He only appeared better due to training himself to appear as a strong leader in front of his sect siblings. Neither of them had slept in days, not daring to rest in case of any news of Shen Yuan’s location being brought back. 

Shen Qingqiu stood, taking the chance to step out of the stuffy meeting room and onto a balcony for fresh air. There were too many pitying eyes on him while he was in there; it was unbearable. Everything about the past couple of days had been nothing but stressful, from people constantly asking about him to search missions and meetings non-stop– he just wanted his brother back home safe. 

They had already checked Shuang Hu City, one of the first places Shen Qingqiu had suspected due to the skinner demon having kidnapped him there before, but there was no sign of Shen Yuan. 

His hair was a mess, unbrushed and thrown into a simple bun, while he still wore the robes he’d been wearing since that day. There were dark circles under his eyes, and the rims of his eyes remained constantly red. Perhaps this was all a bad dream, and he would soon wake up with Shen Yuan in his arms, the boy unharmed and smiling. 

A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his thoughts, not having to turn his head to know that it was Yue Qingyuan coming to check on him. 

“How are you holding up?” Yue Qingyuan asked— What a stupid question.

Shen Qingqiu still doesn’t turn his head to look at the sect leader. “How do you think?” He responds in a sarcastic tone. He knew he didn’t look well, after all; he was more focused on finding his little brother rather than keeping his appearance looking flawless. It was unusual for Shen Qingqiu not to look prim and proper, but he didn’t exactly have the time to do so when his life was crumbling before his eyes. 

Yue Qingyuan took his hand from Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder, letting it fall behind his back along with his other hand. “We will find him,” He said firmly. “Our searching will not stop until he’s back home safe.”

Shen Qingqiu remained quiet, staring out into the trees swaying in the wind. “You didn’t hear him,” He whispered. “You didn’t hear the way he screamed. The way it sounded as if his nightmares had come to life. You weren’t there.”

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes fluttered shut, guilt etched into his expression. “Xiao-Jiu—”

“Don’t call me that.” Shen Qingqiu snapped. He gripped the railing of the balcony tightly, to the point that the wood was creaking under his grasp. “Where were you? Why is that when I put him under your care while I am in seclusion,  I come back to him at the head of the rest of the disciples up against the leader of a demon invasion— you in no sight.” Shen Qingqiu’s voice shook. “What was possibly so important that you just had to leave the sect without heightening security?”

He stayed quiet, unable to find the words to respond. 

Shen Qingqiu continued, “You sound so certain that we will find him, but how am I to find comfort in that confidence? After all, twenty years ago, we searched and searched for him only to hit dead end after dead end. What makes this time so different?” 

“Xiao-Yuan is strong and smart. Even if we are not there, he is likely to find a way out himself.” Yue Qingyuan said. 

“And if it’s the same woman who took him twenty-five years ago?” Shen Qingqiu questioned. “Who’s to say she won’t kill him again?”

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes grew wide. “Xiao-Jiu, don’t say that—”

“Are you going to tell me that that isn’t a possibility?” His heart rate grew higher. “That woman was enough of a psychopath to kill him when he was only five years old, to abuse him to the point where he wakes up from night terrors almost nightly, screaming despite the event happening ten years ago for him?” He felt sick at the vision of his baby brother going through such suffering so young, at the thought that he could be going through it all over again while they stood idle.

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes had that stupid kicked puppy emotion to them. He made Shen Qingqiu sick. “I understand where you are coming from, but we mustn’t throw away all hope that he will be okay—”

Shen Qingqiu cut him off. “You clearly don’t understand!” The wood cracked in his grasp. “Ever since I got him back, I have been telling myself that I will never fail him again– never let him fall into harm's way again. Yet here I am, him not by my side and possibly with the woman who took him away from us in the first place!”

“Xiao-Jiu—”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?!” Shen Qingqiu’s voice rose as he finally turned to Yue Qingyuan. His eyes were red, those damned tears resting on his waterline. “You don’t understand anything! A-Yuan is everything to me! If I lose him again, I have no purpose in this world. All I wanted was to spoil him rotten and make sure he never had to know the face of struggling ever again, and yet I can’t even seem to do that.”

Yue Qingyuan looked as if he’d been slapped harshly across the face. His eyes grew red as well, stress becoming evident on his expression. “You are more than that purpose.”

Shen Qingqiu let out a wet laugh. “Am I? Is my purpose to be the Qing Jing Peak Lord? To be a Shizun to my disciples? Why in the world would I want any of that if I can’t use it to benefit A-Yuan?” His voice was shaking, yet his words cut to the bone. “Yue Qingyuan, you may have been able to leave him and me in the back of your mind and find your own purpose in becoming the sect leader, but I am not you. Ever since my mother left this world and the wretched man that was supposed to be a father threw me and A-Yuan to fight for our lives, my purpose was always to protect and be A-Yuan’s elder brother. Nothing else.” 

A wave of emotion surged through Yue Qingyuan at Shen Qingqiu’s cutting words. Guilt, sorrow, longing, he was unsure of what to say. “Qingqiu,” His voice was hoarse. “Xiao-Yuan and you have always been at the front of my mind. Not a day passes that I do not think of you.”

“And what is that supposed to mean to me?” His voice was quiet and questioning. “No matter what, you are still a fool who cannot fulfill a promise, a liar who abandoned me while leaving me with false hope.” 

Silence fell across them, the only sound being trees rustling in the wind. Yue Qingyuan gazed at the shorter man, realizations dawning on him. On the surface, Shen Qingqiu’s expression seemed to carry only hatred, eyes full of anger. But when Yue Qingyuan looked deeper, Shen Qingqiu’s expression was colored with desperation.

Desperate for anything. For him to bite back, for an apology, for even just an explanation, anything. The fury in his eyes was unmistakable, but those eyes also held years of hurt. Yue Qingyuan didn’t know what he had thought he’d been doing for Shen Qingqiu by holding the truth from him, but now he realized he had been terribly selfish. 

Maybe he thought he’d been punishing himself for failing Shen Qingqiu in the way he had, or perhaps he thought he wasn’t worthy of Shen Qingqiu’s forgiveness. He wasn’t quite certain about the reasoning behind why he kept the truth a secret. But what he did know was that he was about to do something extremely impulsive. 

Shen Qingqiu had always said he was an impulsive idiot. He’d proved that many times. It was about time he proved that again. 

“When I joined Cang Qiong,” Yue Qingyuan began, the words beginning to tumble out of his mouth without giving him a chance to think over it. “The only thing I could think of was to get stronger so I could save you two. I rushed my cultivation and trained without rest.”

Shen Qingqiu’s expression shifted, turning to uncertainty and confusion. “...What are you saying?” 

Yue Qingyuan’s gaze turned to the ground, afraid that if he kept eye contact that he would suddenly lose his confidence. “I was reckless and impatient. I ended up having a severe qi deviation, and to survive, I cultivated an evil path.”

The only response he received was silence.

He continued, heart beginning to race. “My life force was tied to Xuan Su, to be used as spiritual energy whenever I drew it. I had to start over from scratch, but I hadn’t learnt my lesson. So my Shizun gave up on me and locked me in the Ling Xi Caves.” 

Birds chirped around them, accompanying Yue Qingyuan in breaking the silence. 

“Shizun had broken my bones and torn my ligaments, and with how I’d messed up my cultivation, I was trapped there for a year. I… truly never meant to not return,” His voice broke, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as he dropped to his knees. “When I was finally able to descend the mountain, I found the manor in ashes, and I had thought I’d lost you forever.”

Yue Qi looked up at Shen Jiu to find tears rolling down the boy’s face. “You… what could I have possibly done for you to keep this from me…?”

Yue Qi reached up, grabbing one of Shen Jiu’s hands. “I’m sorry, Qi-ge is sorry. Qi-ge was foolish and blind, unable to see how he was hurting you.” He rested his forehead against Shen Jiu’s hand. “All I have ever wanted is for you and Xiao-Yuan to live safely and comfortably as well as happily, for me to be able to give you lives where it is not required of you to lift a single finger to live.”

Shen Jiu could feel years of resentment and the hatred he harbored seeping out of him the longer Yue Qi spoke, accompanied by shaky sobs. He stared down at Yue Qi’s kneeling form, how he was holding onto Shen Jiu’s hand as if it were the most delicate thing to exist.

“I know I am unworthy of your forgiveness,” Yue Qi hesitated. “But if Jiu-er were ever to consider giving this lowly Qi-ge a chance, I would do anything to show you how much I care for you.”

“Who is Qi-ge to decide what I deem unworthy?” Shen Jiu shakily spoke up after a few moments of silence. Yue Qi’s gaze snapped up, shock evident on his features. Shen Jiu knew he ought not to let Yue Qi have his forgiveness so easily, but he felt himself crumbling every moment the man looked at him with those eyes. Shen Jiu slowly descended to his knees, looking Yue Qi in the eyes for a few more moments before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around his neck, hiding his face against the man's neck. “You better work really damn hard to show me.”

Yue Qi wasted no time in wrapping his arms tightly around Shen Jiu, relishing how the other man melted into his embrace. How foolish they must look to outsiders, two men well into their thirties crying and hugging while kneeling on the ground. Not that either cared in the moment. After all, it had been well over twenty years since they’d embraced like this. 

“We’re going to find A-Yuan, and then you’re going to prove how devoted you are to us.” Shen Jiu’s voice wavered at the end of his sentence as he fought against more tears, his heart racing. 

Yue Qi nodded as much as he could, unable to form any more proper words as he held the person he would gladly turn against the cultivation world for. He held him as if he would vanish once he let go; he didn’t want to let go of the feeling of being able to feel his heart beating with how close they were. 

So they sat there for a little while longer. Just until both were able to stop crying, though still not willing to part. That part took much more time, quite a bit passing by before they finally stood up, still holding onto each other’s hands. Neither could really process that this was real.

What broke them out of their trance was the sound of Luo Binghe’s voice calling for them. “Shen-Shibo! Zhangmen-Shibo!” 

When they rushed back into the meeting room, Luo Binghe was panting and his face flushed, in his hand was the map that Shen Yuan had created from his days on the streets. “A-Yuan… I think I might have an idea of where he may be!”

Ignoring the funny looks they were receiving from the others in the room, Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu rushed over to Luo Binghe, who quickly unraveled the map and had them hold it. “What are you thinking?” Yue Qingyuan asked, his voice returning steady.

Luo Binghe took a deep breath before beginning to point at a few red Xs on the map. “A-Yuan would cross off any towns or locations that we should avoid. Like he crossed off this one because of a group of older kids who would always harass us every time we passed through.” He explained as he eventually landed on one specific X, “He always told me we had to avoid this place at all costs. No matter what. With the other places, there would sometimes be times we would pass through just to make trips quicker, but with this one, he refused no matter what.”

“And you think he may be here?” Shen Qingqiu asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Luo Binghe nodded. “I remember seeing A-Yuan about a year before we met, he still had clothes in good shape, and he was travelling from the direction of this place. The woman who took him likely took him to the place where she originally held him captive, maybe to bring up bad memories to instill fear into him.” His expression was determined. “If the place he was held before isn’t in this area, then it must be somewhere around the Luo River.”

His reasoning made sense. Even if Shen Yuan wasn’t there, there had to still be clues around the place. Shen Qingqiu nodded, eyes focused on that X. “Thank you for bringing this to our attention.” He said. “We’ll head out to search this place as soon as possible.”

Luo Binghe seemed to buzz with impatience. “Shen-Shibo, please allow me to go with you to search for him.”

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t surprised at this request. Only a fool could be unable to notice how much Luo Binghe cared for Shen Yuan and wanted to protect him. Yet Shen Qingqiu knew he could not allow the boy to be put at risk. “No,” Before Luo Binghe could protest, Shen Qingqiu continued, “I need you to set up his room on Qian Cao for A-Yuan. Make it feel as homey as you can for him and make him something easy for him to eat. I know how much he loves your cooking.”

“Yes, Shibo.” Luo Binghe looked as if he wanted to combat against this decision, but his Shizun had already said no before this, and now Shen Qingqiu was saying no as well. There was no way he could convince Yue Qingyuan either, since it was Shen Qingqiu saying no. His heart ached at the thought of Shen Yuan coming back to them injured, and despite knowing that they weren’t certain it was the same woman as before, Luo Binghe had a strong feeling it was. And if it was her, with the things Shen Yuan had said she’d done to him before, there was no way the boy was returning to them uninjured. 

“Good, now go.” Shen Qingqiu told the boy before turning to Yue Qingyuan. Just by making eye contact, many unspoken words were exchanged between the two before Shen Qingqiu spoke aloud. “Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan’s brain was fogged over with pain, the only things he could feel being the throbbing in his back and chest, along with the biting chill of the room he was in. 

The cuffs that blocked his spiritual energy still weighed heavily around his wrists. At least Madam Xia had a semblance of kindness to let him be unchained from the wall. Even if his wrists were still bound together, at least he wasn’t forced to be in an upright position. 

He had his knees to his chest as he stared blankly at the plain stone wall in front of him. He curled into himself to make himself appear as small as he could, his back to the door as he remained unmoving in the corner of the room. 

Jiejie had said he was strong, but how was he supposed to remain that way in this situation? He was sure Madam Xia had beaten everything out of him. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but stare into this corner and block the rest of the world out as he tried to ignore the throbbing pain from the whip wounds and the branding mark on his chest. 

Shen Yuan knew he had to get back to his brother. He had to get back to Qi-ge and Luo Binghe and Ning Yingying— he had so many people to live for now. But the thought of escaping overwhelmed him. 

He didn’t want to get whipped again. Or beaten or branded– Would she leave any of his skin unmarked after this? He was terrified of Madam Xia bringing back the ruler she would use on his arms whenever he dared not get his calligraphy perfect. He didn’t even understand why she had him practice it. She would have kept him trapped there forever, with not a single soul ever seeing his calligraphy, even if it had turned out to be beautiful. Shen Yuan sighed, throwing away the thought of trying to come up with a reason for her psychotic behavior. 

He had already been in this horrendous place for two days. With his body in such a weakened state, he could feel himself growing ill. Ever since he began cultivating, his fevers during the winter had greatly lessened, and he even recovered faster. Now that he didn’t have access to his golden core, his body was incredibly prone to illness again.

He needed to think. Think of how he was going to get out of this place. He couldn’t just sit around and wait for someone to rescue him; there was no guarantee that they could even find where Madam Xia was hiding him. He was on his own for now.

The room had nothing in it. Simply just stone walls, a stone floor, and a stone ceiling. Madam Xia had already taken the whip and brand with her when she’d left the room, leaving him with nothing to work with. 

He just needed to get out of these chains, then he could come up with a plan to ambush one of the guards the next time they came in with his food or water. They typically didn’t close the door behind them, so maybe he could bolt out of the door–

Heavy footsteps startled him, causing Shen Yuan to freeze up and huddle in the corner. No, he couldn’t try that. The other guard would surely be waiting right outside to catch him, and the guard would tell Madam Xia, and she would be furious that Shen Yuan tried to escape. She’d scream and possibly break the whip back out–

The door creaked open, revealing one of the guards carrying a plate of food. Madam Xia’s guards wore fully black clothing, with veils covering the lower halves of their faces, leaving only their hair and eyes visible. This guard in particular had light brown eyes that matched their hair. The guard slowly approached, which was unusual because they usually only entered a few steps at most when delivering his food; they had never attempted to approach him before. The closer they got, the more Shen Yuan pressed himself into his corner. 

The guard carefully placed the plate of food down in front of Shen Yuan before backing up a few steps. The plate held plain rice and some barely cooked sliced meat. He wasn’t even sure what kind of meat it was; the only distinguishing factor he could think of was that it looked raw. He really missed Luo Binghe’s cooking. 

He stared at the plate for a few moments over his shoulder before slowly turning his body away from the wall, looking up at the guard suspiciously. What could they possibly gain by being here? Shen Yuan did take note, however, that this guard was most certainly new. They weren’t one of the two main guards that were almost always by Madam Xia’s side, but instead one that he had never seen in the past. 

The guard crouched down, pushing the plate closer to Shen Yuan. “Eat.” The sound of their voice startled Shen Yuan, causing him to accidentally press his back to the wall. He gasped as a wave of pain surged through him, tears pricking at his eyes. None of the guards had ever spoken to him before; he’d only heard them speak when responding to one of Madam Xia’s orders. The guard looked startled at what happened and tried to approach, but it only caused Shen Yuan to press further into the wall despite the pain.

“What do you want from me!?” Shen Yuan’s voice shook as he tried to sound threatening, but his tone came out more scared than anything. 

The guard quickly shushed him. “I won’t hurt you.” They quickly said, taking a few steps back to give Shen Yuan room. But how was he to believe that? How could he possibly trust a person who would willingly work under a terrible woman such as Madam Xia? All of the other guards had held him against his will without question while Madam Xia did horrible things to him. What made this guard so different?

Shen Yuan’s entire body was shaking as he kept his eyes on the guard. Was this guard here to trick him? Did Madam Xia put them up to this to try and get his guard down, so that she could terrorize him when he thinks he’s found some kind of comfort? He was certain that she was cruel enough to do such a thing. 

But the guard's eyes looked sad. They looked as if they wanted to approach again, but knew it would only frighten Shen Yuan more. Heavy silence hung between them for a while before the guard spoke again in a quiet, shaky voice, “You’re so young.”

The sound of heels clicking against the floor sent both Shen Yuan and the guard scrambling. Shen Yuan immediately found himself huddled back into his corner, his knees up to his chest and hands over his head as he curled his face as far into himself as he could manage. The guard tried to back up as far as they could away from Shen Yuan, but not far enough to get out of the room before Madam Xia appeared. 

“What do you think you are doing in here?” Shen Yuan heard Madam Xia’s voice, the voice that filled his entire being with nothing but fear. 

“T-This lowly one was simply delivering his food, Madam.” He heard the guard respond in a shaky voice. 

There was the sound of a sharp slap. “Guards are not permitted to go any more than a few steps into this room to deliver anything.” Her voice was cold. “Do not let this happen again. Now scram!”

“...Yes, Madam.” 

Shen Yuan listened to the guard's footsteps receding out of the room, almost wishing the guard wouldn’t leave him alone with the woman. But then again, what could the guard possibly do to protect him from her? He felt his body tense and his heart rate spike when the clacking of her heels grew closer to him. 

“A-Lin~” Madam Xia cooed, her voice frighteningly close to his ear. “That guard wasn’t bothering you, was he?” Her hands found his shoulders, moving up and down his upper arms.

He shook his head as much as he could in his position, his “no” barely audible. He just wanted her gone, for her to leave and never come back to bother him. It was wishful thinking. 

There were a few moments of silence, the hands going up and down his arms now unmoving. If not for the light pressure of her hands, he would have thought she’d left. Then one of her hands moved to his head, petting Shen Yuan’s hair and causing him to flinch at the unexpected touch. “A-Lin,” She said in a soft voice. For a moment, just one moment, Shen Yuan thought that maybe she’d be kind and gentle— but then he cried out in pain when she grabbed a fistful of his hair and forcefully turned him around, using her other hand to press his back harshly into the wall. “Look at me when you speak to me and respond properly!”

His tears wasted no time in starting to fall down his face as he struggled in her grasp. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Shen Yuan sobbed as pain exploded like fireworks in his back, overpowering any pain he felt from his hair being pulled. 

His pleading fell on deaf ears. Madam Xia stood and dragged him out of the corner where he was trying to hide, throwing him down onto the floor. When he tried to push himself up, a foot slammed into his back, the heel digging into his wounds. “So disrespectful,” She began to speak, ignoring his screams. “You should have stayed in the house, you should have stayed with me and grown up under my guidance. Then you’d have never grown to be such a brat. What use do I even have for you anymore?”

Shen Yuan’s throat felt torn raw from the force of his screams and cries. The heel of her shoe continued to dig into one of his wounds; whatever enchantment that whip had was preventing any blood from being spilled. “Please… Please stop…” He begged. 

Madam Xia let out a loud sigh. “I patiently waited twenty-five years to get you back, yet I fear you may be too far gone. I really will have to start all over.” She said mournfully. “To think, if only you had just been obedient and played along, we could have had everything.”

Shen Yuan felt his heart drop to his stomach in fear. Was she going to get rid of him? If she was going to start over, that meant she would get a new child, and if she was going to get someone new, was she going to kill him? Psychopath! If he was no use, then just let him go!

She hummed thoughtfully. “Though you are quite abundant in spiritual energy. Instead of just disposing of you, you could make quite the cauldron.” A smile spread on her face at the thought. “There isn’t much information on sun-moon dew mushroom bodies, but I have heard that the energy produced by them is quite compatible with both Yin and Yang energy.”

Terror dug deep into his bones. “What have I ever done to you?” He hiccuped. “Please, I just want to go home…”

She ignored him, of course. Instead of answering him, she lifted him by his hair again and threw him in the direction of the plate of food. “Eat up, I’ll be busy researching.” Without another word, she left the room, the sound of her heels clicking against the floor fading into the distance. 

Shen Yuan didn’t bother to move for a good while. He lay on the cold ground, still in only his pants, as he sobbed from the pain surging through his body. He was cold and in pain, making him miss his brothers and Luo Binghe even more. He missed Shen Qingqiu peppering kisses all over his face, Yue Qingyuan’s firm hugs, and Luo Binghe’s warmth. He missed his bed especially and his warm clothes. 

He eventually pushed himself into a sitting position, staring at the plate of food as if he were going to be sick just by looking at it. It didn’t look appetizing at all, not a hint of color from any spices, and cold. He needed something to help get his strength back, though. So, Shen Yuan forced himself to crawl to the plate, pick it up, and shovel it into his mouth to get it over with quickly.

He clutched his stomach as he tried to prevent himself from throwing it all back up and pulled himself back to his corner, curling up into a tight ball. 

He’d come up with a plan after he slept. He needed to regain strength and get out– he couldn’t just wait around for Madam Xia to turn him into a human cauldron. The thought sent shivers down his spine. To think a person could possibly be so cruel for no reason, it hurt his head. 

He’d be okay, he was going to be okay. As his eyelids drooped, he repeated in his mind that he would get out of this place. Whether it be he be rescued or if he had to break himself out, he would get out. 

Just after some sleep…

+++

Thunder crashed outside, shaking the room that Shen Yuan was in and startling him awake. He let out a soft whimper as he slowly pushed himself up. The room spun for a good few seconds as his head pounded, his hair sticking to his body from how much he had been sweating. It didn’t take him long to realize that he had a fever.

He panted heavily as he looked around the dark room, slowly gathering his bearings. Holding onto the wall, he began to move toward the cup of water that was left near the door. His body felt heavy and difficult to move. There was nothing he could do but collapse to the floor once he reached the cup of water, taking it into his shaky hands and downing it in only a few gulps. 

Shen Yuan sat there for a few moments, trying to catch his breath. He wanted nothing more but to lie back down and sleep just for a few moments longer… he really missed his bed. 

He tried to get back to his feet and go back to his corner, but he only made it a few steps before collapsing to the ground. His cheek pressed against the cool ground as he made no effort to move. His vision blurred as his ears began to ring; he wasn’t certain if it was because he was close to losing consciousness or if he was crying. Most likely both. 

Then suddenly, light from the lanterns outside the room pierced his vision as the door creaked open. It only disoriented Shen Yuan more, causing him to let out a soft whine as he tried to cover his eyes with his unsteady hands. 

Faintly, he heard footsteps approaching him before hands carefully lifted him into a sitting position. His hands fell from his face, and even though his vision was slightly failing him, he could recognize this person as the guard who had brought him food earlier. Was it earlier? How long had he been asleep?

Using one of his hands, the guard gently pushed his jaw open and lifted a ceramic bowl to his mouth. Shen Yuan wasn’t certain what the liquid was until the bitter taste hit his tongue. He gagged as the medicine was poured into his mouth, the only reason for it not being spat back up being due to the guard holding his hand over Shen Yuan’s mouth. 

Shen Yuan let out a soft sob, the guard saying, “I know, I know.” as he brushed hair out of Shen Yuan’s face and placed the bowl down on the ground. He searched through his sleeves for a moment before pulling out a container holding a balm. He reached forward and carefully pulled Shen Yuan forward so his head rested on his shoulder, giving him full access to Shen Yuan’s back. 

Shen Yuan was too weak to do anything but move where the guard moved him. But he didn’t feel the need to fight back; the guard didn’t seem to have bad intentions. He felt the hair sticking to his back be brushed aside before a cold cream was slowly rubbed into his wounds. A hiss of pain escaped his lips due to the way it burned at first touch, but he began to relax almost immediately after, the coldness of the cream soothing the burn. 

“This is a numbing cream,” He faintly heard the guard say. “It should last a good while, long enough until you get out of here.”

He wondered what was in that medicine. He had only just taken it, but combined with the numbing cream, he could feel his strength very slowly beginning to return. Shen Yuan blearily looked up at the guard, mumbling, “Why are you helping me?”

The guard paused in his movements, looking down at Shen Yuan with a hint of sadness in his eyes. Eyes that seemed so familiar to Shen Yuan. He leaned Shen Yuan back, applying the cream to the brand mark on his chest. “The Madam is going to move you to the demon realm if you do not get out of here soon. You need to make sure you get out before that happens, or there may be no hope in getting you back home.” Thunder shook the room once more. The guard closed the container and tucked it into his sleeve, replacing it with an envelope. He leaned forward, opening one of Shen Yuan’s hands and placing the envelope there before closing his hand over it. Shen Yuan looked somewhat bewildered, about to reach to open the envelope, before the guard stopped him. “Wait until you’re out of here.”

Feverish confusion was evident on Shen Yuan’s face as he looked up at the guard. The envelope was thick, only piquing his interest even more. But he would obey and read it later; he was too out of it to read anyway. “You should… You should get out of here.” He mumbled. “The last person that helped me… didn’t meet a good fate.”

He wasn’t sure if it was delusion from his fever, but he was almost sure he saw pain flash through the guard's eyes. The guard took a deep breath before speaking, “The next time that they bring your food, use what it has in it to your advantage. Do you understand?” 

Shen Yuan looked down at his restraints before nodding. 

The guard seemed hesitant for a moment, torn between leaving and staying. But ultimately, the guard knew if he stayed, he would die. “Get some rest, the medicine should help with your fever.” He told Shen Yuan, helping the boy lie back down. He peeled one of his outer robes off, folding it into a pillow and placing it under Shen Yuan’s head. “She’ll be in the demon realm for two more days. Escape before then.”

Shen Yuan nodded as much as he could with his head lying down. As his vision blurred, he suddenly realized whose eyes the guards reminded him so much of. Jiejie. The guard had the same eyes as the maid, from eye shape to color. A “Jiejie…” fell from his lips as the darkness of unconsciousness took over him. 

The guard looked at him with a pained look in his eyes for a few more moments before finally getting up to leave. 

+++

Shen Yuan woke once again, his head pounding. His fever had broken, but left behind a nasty headache as a parting gift. 

He groaned as he pushed himself into a kneeling position before using the wall to help him stand. The rain that had been pouring outside seemed to have lightened up, a gentle drizzle falling down. 

Shen Yuan half walked, half stumbled toward the plate of cold-looking soup that had been left by the door. Remembering the guard's words, he immediately dipped his fingers into the soup and rubbed his fingers together to test the texture of it. He felt a small amount of confidence enter him when the soup was a slippery texture, his hands moving to rub it underneath the cuffs on his wrists.

Once he applied a good amount, he made his way back to the spot he woke up in to grab the robe the guard left behind as a pillow. With his heart thumping harshly in his chest, he brought the robe to his mouth and put as much of it in as he could fit. He took deep breaths in and out of his nose as he tested the slide of the cuffs before he put a palm over the joint on his thumb, getting into a position where he could put his full body weight onto it. 

He continued to take deep breaths for a good while before closing his eyes. He could do this; what was the pain of dislocating a thumb compared to getting whipped? It had to be nothing, right?

Letting out a soft whimper of fear, he forced himself to make the decision to do it. There was no other way to do this. Sweat dripped down his face and back as he held his position before, finally, he pushed down with all of his strength. 

The robe in Shen Yuan’s mouth muffled his scream as pain shot up through his hand and arm. Choking back a sob, he opened his eyes and looked at the very wrong position his thumb was in. Every inch of his skin was covered in sweat as he moved to slip the cuff over his hand. Sparks of pain buzzed in his arm as the cuff met some resistance, causing him to let out soft cries. 

When he did manage to slip it off, Shen Yuan collapsed to the ground and spat out the robe as his body went weak from the sudden surge of spiritual energy returning to him. Spots of white danced around his vision as he lay on the ground, staring up at the spinning ceiling and his chest moving rapidly from how harshly he was breathing.

Thoughts raced through his mind. Thoughts saying that he wasn’t strong enough for this, that he was going to die in this cold, cramped room on the concrete floor he’d died on before. He wouldn’t even die human this time. Did Shen Qingqiu know? Know that Shen Yuan wasn’t human? Would he throw Shen Yuan to the streets if he did know? After all, how could he be certain Shen Yuan wasn’t some monster pretending to be his didi?

No, no. Shen Qingqiu had to know. The man checked his meridians every day like it was his job. There had to be a difference between a human's spiritual veins and a… whatever he was’ spiritual veins. Maybe Shen Qingqiu had kept it from him for a good reason. Shen Yuan wished he had never found out. 

Before his mind spiraled further, he forced himself to sit up. He let out shaky breaths as he put his freed hand over the cuff that remained on his other wrist. With a surge of qi, the cuff cracked before crumbling off his wrist.

Maybe he should have waited for the qi in his spiritual veins to settle a while longer. Pain sprouted in Shen Yuan’s chest as his spiritual energy began to run wild, his control of it slipping from his grasp as he desperately tried to calm it. The taste of blood ran over his tongue as he spat up a mouthful.

Shen Yuan gasped for air as he hunched over, a hand on his stomach and a fist to the ground to keep himself upright. His vision swam and began to turn red as he soon found out there was also blood trickling out of his eyes. Fear welled up in him as he struggled not to collapse again.

What was happening to him? He should be feeling better after regaining access to his qi, not the opposite. It felt like his spiritual veins were filled with fire rather than qi, and it hurt . 

He struggled to his feet, tears mixing in with the blood. It seemed as if his surroundings would never stop spinning around him, with the way it would do so every time he opened his eyes. He couldn’t deny he was afraid as he less than gracefully stepped toward the room's exit. Shen Yuan wished for his brother to suddenly appear and take all his pain away, to cradle him in his arms and rock him to sleep while humming their mother’s lullaby to him. The lullaby never failed to calm him. 

He didn’t know when he reached the door, but he was able to notice when he began to tear the door from its hinges, his muscles burning lightly as he used all of his strength to pull. Distantly, he heard a loud groan accompanied by creaking as the door began to part from its stability and eventually gave in, falling to the ground from the force of Shen Yuan’s pulling. 

Shen Yuan stared at the door for a few moments before he looked up, the faint sound of yelling reaching his ears as he met eyes with one of the guards who had been by the now broken door. He didn’t know what he looked like right now, but he must’ve looked insane enough for the guard he had met eyes with to drop his sword in fear. 

Whatever the guards were yelling barely reached his ears as he didn’t know how to process that he was suddenly fighting. It only registered in his brain that he had begun to move when he found his hands tightly wrapped around the guard's neck on the ground. He’d feel intense guilt as he felt the guard's neck crack under his grasp if it weren’t for the fact that Shen Yuan recognized this guard as one of the ones who held him down as Madam Xia whipped him. 

Shen Yuan looked down at the guards' now lifeless eyes, disgust beginning to rise in him. He didn’t know if he was more disgusted with the guard for his actions or himself for killing a human being. 

He turned his head, locking eyes with the other guard who had fallen to the ground, fear evident in their eyes. It seemed that they were trying to move themselves backward, but fear rendered their limbs useless. 

Shen Yuan didn’t recognize this guard. They hadn’t done anything to him. 

So he didn’t bother approaching this guard. He turned to walk down the opposite hallway, his feet taking him the route his jiejie had in his dream. A gentle melody began to fall from Shen Yuan’s lips without him even thinking about it. The comforting theme of his mother's lullaby echoed throughout the hallway as his feet dodged the creaky floorboards on their own, leading him to the kitchen. 

Shen Yuan paused at the entrance of the kitchen, his humming falling quiet at the sight of an older maid. She looked old enough to be Shen Yuan’s grandmother, yet she tirelessly moved around the kitchen as she cleaned. 

He snapped out of his trance when the woman startled at the sight of him, letting out a terrified yelp as she dropped the dish she was holding to the floor. As the dish shattered, Shen Yuan felt a wave of sadness wash over him for a reason he couldn’t explain. 

“Oh my…” The elderly woman’s voice came out shaky. Shen Yuan couldn’t help but wonder what he looked like, to strike such fear in the guards and to startle the elderly woman so badly. But the longer the woman kept her eyes on Shen Yuan, the more her fear seemed to transition into concern. Hesitantly, she grabbed a wet rag and took a few steps toward him. “Oh dear… you’re so hurt.”

Shen Yuan froze like a deer in headlights, his eyes wide as she approached him. His eyes followed her every move as she carefully took his face in one hand, using her other to gently wipe away the blood on his face. Clarity trickled back into him as she cleaned his face up, a fresh wave of exhaustion washing over him. “Lao-nainai,” His voice was rough. “Please leave this place. Go back to your family.”

The elderly woman clicked her tongue, her eyes now filled with sadness. “Oh, young one,” She sighed. “What has that cruel woman done to you?” 

“Please.” His voice was weak. 

The woman held his gaze for a few moments before letting out a soft sigh. She lowered the now bloodied rag from his face and placed it on the counter next to them. She moved to grab a cup, filling it up with water before handing it to Shen Yuan and giving him a gentle pet on the head. “I hope you can reunite with your family, young one.” 

Without another word, Shen Yuan watched as the elderly woman took her leave. He took a deep breath, suddenly hyper aware of how painfully his qi was surging through his spiritual veins. He was having a qi deviation. 

He doesn’t know why he didn’t realize as soon as it began. The signs were quite obvious if someone else were to be asked, but Shen Yuan’s mind had been in too much turmoil to think logically. He tried to remember what his brother had said about qi deviations and how to deal with them, but all he could remember was quite useless when he didn’t have another person with him to help him through it. 

He felt his mind begin to fog over again after he let the cool water in his cup empty into his throat. Vaguely, he felt himself move over to the stove that was against a wall in the kitchen, and his hand reached out, producing flames with qi and lighting the burners. It felt as if he were watching himself outside of his body as he grabbed nearby flammable items and placed them on top of the burners.

Flames began to lick at the walls of the kitchen, causing the wallpaper to curl in on itself as its edges blackened. Shen Yuan took a few steps back from the stove as he watched smoke begin to cover every surface in its reach. 

He heard thunder rumble loudly outside, lightning hitting the ground nearby with a loud crack!  

He took one last look at the kitchen before continuing his exit. 

His feet brought him through the living room, past fancy furniture and paintings that were most likely ridiculously expensive. For a moment, Shen Yuan enjoyed the feeling of the soft rug under his bare feet before he continued on his way. 

When he came to a stop, he was finally at the front door of the house. He stared at that door for what felt like an eternity. 

Just opening this door would grant him his freedom, grant him the ability to see his family. He had waited for so long to see this door open. Yet he felt a feeling of dread at the idea of opening it.

Shen Yuan clenched and unclenched his hands that were by his sides. If he opened this door, Madam Xia would surely be furious. She would scream and throw her hands at him. Possibly toss him to the floor and dig her heel into the wounds on his back while saying words that she knew would burrow deep into his brain and stay for as long as they would like. 

He looked down at his body. Deep purple and yellow bruises littered almost every inch of skin that he could see, trails of dried blood flaking off where skin had been broken. The brand on his chest throbbed despite being days old. Days. Days? How long had he been here?

That didn’t matter right now. What mattered was leaving. As thunder rolled through the sky and shook the ground, he took a shaky breath and braced himself. 

The sound of rain pelting against the house grew louder and louder, almost growing to the point of deafening. 

The door slammed open.

~

The rain left Shen Qingqiu’s robes sticking to his skin uncomfortably as he trudged to his location. They had originally been on their swords, but the light drizzle turned into a rainstorm that forced them to land and travel on foot instead. 

Yue Qingyuan stayed close to his side the entire journey, only the smallest distance away from holding his hand. Something in Shen Qingqiu wished Yue Qingyuan would grow the balls to actually do it. 

Mu Qingfang and Qi Qingqi trailed close behind them, Mu Qingfang being there in case Shen Yuan was injured, and Qi Qingqi there in case there was a barrier that they couldn’t figure out how to break. After all, Qi Qingqi had to be well-versed in barriers to keep improving the one that was around her peak. 

Shen Qingqiu had the smallest urge to set up a barrier around Qing Jing as well after this. Something to protect Shen Yuan more. 

Liu Qingge had almost insisted on coming with them, but Yue Qingyuan stopped him before he could, explaining that they needed the Bai Zhan peak lord to stay behind and protect Cang Qiong in case of another demon attack. With Yue Qingyuan leaving to go find Shen Yuan, Cang Qiong was vulnerable again, but with the war god there, it stood a fighting chance. 

Shen Qingqiu looked around at the rain harshly hitting the ground, his mood growing worse and worse. Not only was he soaking wet, but he was freezing . His cultivation could only keep him so warm while he wore layers and layers of soaking wet robes, his hair drenched and sticking to his face and neck. 

He missed his baby brother. Seclusion had been one thing; he had chosen to go away and knew that he would return to Shen Yuan. But with Shen Yuan being kidnapped, he had no idea what to expect. He missed the boy's smile and laughter, how he always threw himself into Shen Qingqiu’s arms for a hug. 

The thought of never experiencing those things again struck fear into Shen Qingqiu. 

He didn’t dare let those thoughts get to him. Not right now. Not when Shen Yuan was most likely waiting for Shen Qingqiu to rescue him.

Shen Qingqiu was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt fingers grasp his wrist, carefully transferring qi to him. Normally, he’d jerk his wrist away from whoever tried to check his meridians or transfer him qi, but when warmth flowed through him from the transfer, he couldn’t bring himself to. 

He looked over to see who the culprit was and was met with Yue Qingyuan’s eyes full of worry. Shen Qingqiu let out an exasperated sigh and shot the man a grateful look, moving his hand so he could grasp Yue Qingyuan’s and give it a comforting squeeze. 

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes widened, unsure how to react to the fact that Shen Qingqiu was actively holding his hand. Despite their desolate situation, Yue Qingyuan seemed to light up at this, a soft smile close to tugging at his lips as he looked at their joined hands. 

Shen Qingqiu almost wanted to roll his eyes at this. If such a simple action like hand-holding made Yue Qingyuan so happy, how would the man react to something like kissing? Or even more. Like dual cu—

Ah, this is really not the time to be thinking about something like that, Shen Qingqiu!

The somewhat uplifted mood didn’t last long. Despite the way the rain pounded loudly on the ground, shouting could be heard from just up the path. 

Shen Qingqiu hadn’t realized how close they had gotten to their destination until this moment. Exchanging looks with Yue Qingyuan, he released the man's hand and drew Xiu Ya from its sheath, and began to rush up the path. 

~

Shen Yuan’s head felt like it had been pierced with a knife. 

Madam Xia was screaming at him, her every word spat like venom. She had already managed to throw him to the ground by his hair, a heel digging deep into the brand on his chest. She hurled insults at him, calling him a filthy slave and a useless waste of space.

Shen Yuan didn’t know how he was subdued so easily. Just moments ago, he had ripped a door off its hinges, even broken a man's neck. Yet the moment Madam Xia laid her hands on him, it was as if all of his strength left him, leaving only fear in its wake. 

Rain pelted down on his face as he fought against the urge to scream in pain, not willing to give Madam Xia the satisfaction of making him react. 

He had tried to fight. He really had. But the woman struck such strong fear in him that it was like all of his limbs were rendered useless at the sight of her. 

He couldn’t stop a sob from escaping his lips. His vision was going in and out of darkness as his qi ran turbulent in his veins. He had to fight, but he was so tired. He needed to get up, but the pain from Madam Xia’s heel digging in ate away at his will. 

The rain and the grass rubbing against his back were beginning to wear off the numbing cream that the guard had applied to his back, the pain from his wounds growing stronger and stronger. 

It hurt. It really hurt. 

Then, a flash of light. It wasn’t from lightning or Shen Yuan himself; it was from something else— a sword glare.

Shen Yuan watched Madam Xia narrowly dodge the sword glare with wide eyes. The woman had to move several steps back, barely drawing her whip in time to meet a figure in green swiping his sword at her. 

“Gege?” Shen Yuan’s voice broke. Shen Qingqiu was here! Shen Qingqiu had come to save him! When he turned his head, he could see Yue Qingyuan rushing toward him. He was saved, he was saved! 

When he looked behind Yue Qingyuan, he saw Mu Qingfang and Qi Qingqi as well. He was going to get out of here! Madam Xia was going to be subdued, and Shen Yuan was going to get out of this hellhole! He really was—

A barrier opened between him and Yue Qingyuan, expanding in the blink of an eye and passing through Madam Xia, throwing Shen Qingqiu off her and sending him flying. 

—screwed. 

Shen Yuan felt despair. 

Madam Xia looked furious. 

Shen Yuan felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Yue Qingyuan was pounding on the barrier, his yelling of Shen Yuan’s name faint through the thick barrier. 

Madam Xia gripped the whip in her hand tightly, stalking toward Shen Yuan. She let out a loud mocking laugh at the sight of Shen Yuan’s face. “Did you really believe you were saved?”

The barrier prevented the rain from falling on them, making Madam Xia’s voice much clearer than it had been before. Her voice rang out amongst the small clearing she’d enclosed in her barrier. Shen Yuan tried to push himself away from her, his entire body shaking in fear and pain. It was a futile effort; it didn’t do anything but get him muddier. 

Her hand flew out, grabbing a handful of his hair and tossing him closer to the center, kicking him the rest of the way. Shen Yuan couldn’t prevent the cries of pain he let out from her abuse, choking out a loud sob when he was kicked. 

“Filthy mutt, you should have just obeyed.” Madam Xia’s voice dripped with malice. “Seriously, what use is a slave who doesn’t serve his master?”

Shen Yuan let out a scared whimper as Madam Xia let her whip drag behind her as she grew closer and closer to him. He tried to get up, but when he barely managed to get to his knees, Madam Xia’s whip cracked down on his back and sent him faceplanting into the mud. 

Madam Xia ignored his screams of pain as her whip left fresh wounds on Shen Yuan’s back. The numbing cream had long since worn off, leaving every slash to hurt at its highest intensity. “It really is a shame,” She sighed aloud. “You could have made me quite a good amount of money as a cauldron. I even had a few people interested already! Too bad, you’re too much trouble to keep around.”

Shen Yuan gasped for air between sobs, clumps of grass and mud in his hands as he gripped at the ground for some kind of sense of stability. His heart was beating as if it were trying to break out of his chest and flee from the scene, flee far away from this evil woman. Shen Yuan’s muscles screamed at him to move, to run, to fight back , just do something!

He was going to die here. Die by her hands again. 

His limbs were no longer responding to him, pinned down by fear. He couldn’t do anything. He wanted to give up. 

But then he caught sight of Shen Qingqiu. His brother was crying, screaming his name as Yue Qingyuan desperately tried to console him despite looking equally as distraught. Neither were well-versed in barriers, unable to do anything as Qi Qingqi desperately tried to figure out how to dispel the barrier Madam Xia had set up.

How could he just lie there while they were so desperate to save him? Was he really so selfish that he would just give up and force them to watch him be killed just because he was too tired to fight?

No.

He couldn’t do that to his brother. To Yue Qingyuan. To Qi Qingqi and Mu Qingfang. He couldn’t have Shen Qingqiu have to go home and explain to Luo Binghe and Ning Yingying that he gave up. 

Madam Xia had been circling his body, throwing taunts and insults that Shen Yuan didn’t have the brain power to process. Was he really going to let this woman win?

Jiejie would be so disappointed. 

His qi picked up in speed once more in his spiritual veins, hatred spreading with the pain. Madam Xia called him pathetic, but wasn’t she the pathetic one? She was the one who snatched innocent children from the streets and their families to have them act as the child she couldn’t keep by her side because of her cruelty. 

Shen Yuan hadn’t done anything wrong; this was all Madam Xia’s doing. It was all her fault. He’d done nothing but be a child who responded negatively to her abuse. 

This woman was the monster, not him. 

The one who didn’t deserve to live was her, not him. 

Thunder rumbled as Shen Qingqiu’s voice reached his ears, screaming, “A-Yuan, FIGHT!”

Red mixed in with his tears and began to drip out of his nose, eyes, and ears as he coughed up a mouthful of blood. All of the clarity he had left was draining out of his body as his brain repeated over and over, fight fight fight!

~

Shen Qingqiu’s chest hurt. It couldn’t amount to the pain that Shen Yuan was in, but just looking at the bruises and wounds that littered his body made Shen Qingqiu want to vomit. 

He almost did when he heard the screams coming from Shen Yuan as the woman whipped him. 

He watched as his baby brother, back covered in whip wounds , lay on the ground and looked so defeated as the vile woman called him a mutt, a slave. Shen Qingqiu had already wanted this woman dead, but he wanted it even more so when she talked of her plans to make Shen Yuan into a cauldron for money. 

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t the type to cry or scream; he had learned from a young age that showing such emotions wasn’t beneficial. He hated showing weakness, but something in him broke when he saw his brother in the condition he was in. This woman had so thoroughly traumatized Shen Yuan that the boy was just taking her abuse. 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t just watch anymore. Before he knew it, he had already screamed for Shen Yuan to fight!

It was as if that snapped something in Shen Yuan.

Even through the thick barrier that the woman had set up, the peak lords could feel the explosion of qi that came from Shen Yuan. The green grass around the boy turned a wilted brown before a blinding flash of light forced them to look away.

When the light faded, it was clear that Shen Yuan had heard Shen Qingqiu with how he began to fight with all he had. 

The woman had leapt back far during the flash of light, but Shen Yuan quickly closed that distance, throwing a handful of grass blades that he’d sharpened with his qi at her face. 

She let out an undignified shriek of outrage, her whip flying out to counterattack while she was in the middle of attempting to dodge. “You damned mutt!” She yelled as thin cuts appeared on her face. 

The whip narrowly missed Shen Yuan as he leapt for the woman again. Before she could lash out with her whip, he managed to get close enough to her to grab the dagger tied to her hip and leap into the air to dodge her whip. 

The woman's face was bright red with anger as she fought back against Shen Yuan, her whip slashing around violently with the intent to kill if it ever landed. “All you ever had to do was behave! ” She yelled. “You just had to stay inside the house, do your lessons well, and do what I told you!”

The woman continued, “But you just had to go and attempt to escape! I had to kill the only person who could make you brats behave, all because of you!”

It was those words that made Shen Yuan stumble, a hint of clarity coming back to him as guilt and grief flashed in his eyes. It then vanished when the woman's whip wrapped around his arm. 

Shen Yuan’s heels dug into the ground as the woman began to pull on the whip to pull him toward her. “You know, I had never planned to kill you that day.” She told him coldly. “It really wasn’t my fault you decided to be difficult and make me angry.”

Shen Yuan slashed wildly at the whip with the dagger he had stolen, desperately trying to pull away from the woman. “Fuck– you!” 

The woman didn’t relent, determined to make Shen Yuan break again. “Everything that happened that day was all your fault. The maid's death, your death, everything!” She hissed. 

Shen Qingqiu had been so focused on listening in on their conversation that he hadn’t noticed the death grip that he had on Yue Qingyuan’s hand until the man squeezed back. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He needed to help his brother somehow. 

Shen Qingqiu glanced down at Shen Yuan’s sword, which he had tied to his waist. If he could just get it to Shen Yuan… He turned toward Qi Qingqi. “Are you able to open a hole in the barrier big enough for a sword?”

Qi Qingqi stared at him for a moment before nodding, quickly getting to work as Shen Qingqiu untied Chao Xing from his waist. Shen Qingqiu glanced back and forth between Shen Yuan and Qi Qingqi, attempting to form a hole in the barrier. A few seconds felt like an eternity. “Got it! Quick, get it through!” Qi Qingqi hurriedly said as she held the gap open with her hands. 

Shen Qingqiu wasted no time in shoving the sword through the small gap. He opened his mouth to shout to bring Shen Yuan’s attention to the sword, but before he could, Chao Xing immediately started vibrating before flying to Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan had noticed his sword's presence the moment it had passed through the barrier; his hand formed the seal to bring it toward him almost immediately. He caught the sword and brought it down on the whip that wrapped around his arm, snapping it as if it were made of string. 

Letting out a shout of outrage, Madam Xia went to reach for the dagger that she had forgotten was stolen. She glared at Shen Yuan, throwing the broken whip to the ground. “Even if you kill me now, how do you know I won’t come back just like you did?”

Shen Yuan looked at her through bloodshot eyes as the other half of the whip unwound from his arm. “Then I’ll kill you again.”

Madam Xia barked out a laugh. “Do you think you’re better than me?” She taunted. “You’ll never be anything more than a disobedient dog. A worthless slave—”

She froze in the middle of her sentence, coughing up a sudden mouthful of blood as she looked down to find her own dagger in between her ribs. She opened her mouth to say more, only to find Shen Yuan’s sword right next to the dagger with Shen Yuan still holding onto the hilt. 

Despite being impaled, a smirk still tugged at Madam Xia’s lips. Her body shook as she half-laughed, half-coughed blood up. “Do you really believe that killing me will take away your guilt? It won’t change the fact that it’s your fault she’s dead.” She leaned in, not caring that it further impaled herself on Shen Yuan’s sword. “Killing me won’t change the fact that you’re not human.”

Shen Yuan’s breathing stopped for a moment. His entire body shook as he stared into her eyes, unsure of what he was trying to find. Whatever it was, he couldn’t find it. His hands tightened on the hilt of his sword as he tried to regain control over himself, but her words kept repeating themselves in his mind. 

A laugh, cold and cruel, escaped her. “Stupid child. I don’t know how that woman thought you were worth losing her life over.”

Shen Yuan saw red. 

The scream that tore from Shen Yuan’s throat was almost animalistic, grief and rage mixed into one. He ripped Chao Xing from Madam Xia’s body, letting her fall to the ground before straddling her hips and raising Chao Xing. 

He didn’t waste a moment before bringing Chao Xing down. Over and over. Every time his sword left behind a stab wound, it came back down to leave another one. Distantly, Shen Yuan could hear himself sobbing and letting out hoarse cries as Madam Xia’s body became a bloody mess underneath him. 

He wasn’t sure if her screams were real or not. They stopped after a while anyway.

His frantic movements barely slowed, even though to any outsider they’d be sure Madam Xia was dead. But Shen Yuan couldn’t be certain. He would keep going until he was—

Arms wrapped around him, pulling him off of Madam Xia’s body despite his screams to let him go. Chao Xing was forced out of his hand as tears blurred his vision, more hands coming down to restrict his movements. 

The warm flow of someone else's qi began to circulate through him, the sound humming becoming clearer to him. As Shen Yuan realized that he was in Shen Qingqiu’s embrace his entire body went lax, his head landing on Shen Qingqiu’s chest. He felt like he was floating as the vibrations from Shen Qingqiu humming their mother's lullaby soothed him like he was three again. 

Was it possible to miss someone he’s never met? He couldn’t help but feel that way every time Shen Qingqiu hummed the song to him. 

Shen Yuan laid there, Shen Qingqiu keeping his arms around him while Mu Qingfang used his qi to stop Shen Yuan from qi deviating further. Yue Qingyuan was there too, one of his arms hooked around Shen Qingqiu’s shoulders while his free hand brushed some of Shen Yuan’s hair. Qi Qingqi looked like she was going to be sick as she began to help Mu Qingfang by handing him the things he asked for. 

The rain had lightened up, now a gentle drizzle with a rainbow off in the distance. Shen Yuan stared up at the sky, unsure of when he had gone silent. He did know when he began to cry again, however. 

Shen Qingqiu was right there to wipe his tears away, right there to tell him, “You’re safe, you’re okay, she’s dead now. She can’t hurt you anymore.”

Shen Yuan gripped Shen Qingqiu’s robes tightly, barely suppressing a sob. Now that his qi deviation had been tamed, he was becoming hyperaware of how much his body hurt. “Gege,” He cried. “Everything hurts.”

“I know, I know baobei. You’ll be okay, just stay strong for gege, okay?” Shen Qingqiu’s voice was as unwavering as he could get it. “Get some rest, you’ll feel much better when you wake up.” Shen Qingqiu sounded so sure that Shen Yuan couldn’t help but trust him with all of his heart.

Shen Yuan weakly nodded, a wave of exhaustion hitting him. He would have thought that he was in too much pain to sleep, but as he soaked in his brother's comforting embrace, he felt the dark tugging at his consciousness. He closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of Yue Qingyuan brushing through the crown of his hair, and let himself drift. 

He was safe. He was okay. Madam Xia is dead. He was going to go home to Cang Qiong, where Ning Yingying and all of his martial family were waiting. Where Binghe was waiting. He was going home. 

Comfort washed over him as he finally lost consciousness.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu felt as if he were in a hellish nightmare. He looked down at his brother's beaten body, barely any spots without a bruise or wound. 

Shen Yuan must have been so exhausted. He didn’t even move when Mu Qingfang began to move his hair off the lash wounds on his back. Not even a wince of pain. The only thing that assured Shen Qingqiu that Shen Yuan was still alive was the sound of his occasional sighs in his sleep. 

Shen Qingqiu looked over at the woman, hatred contorting his features. The sound of the fire crackling unsettled him as he looked at the burning house; it almost felt as if he were looking into a mirror that showed his past. 

From the burning house to how Shen Yuan killed the woman, Shen Qingqiu felt uneasy at all of their similarities. He had wanted to avoid Shen Yuan going through the things that he’d gone through, but it seemed the heavens had other plans.

He’d just hoped that the woman hadn’t gone any further than physical abuse. 

Shen Qingqiu could hear Mu Qingfang and Yue Qingyuan exchanging words in a hushed conversation, but he couldn’t quite tell what they were saying. He was more focused on Shen Yuan’s sleeping figure, watching the rise and fall of the boy’s chest.

He felt Yue Qingyuan’s hands guide him into standing up. Shen Qingqiu’s grasp on Shen Yuan tightened as he was pulled to his feet, adjusting his hold so Shen Yuan was more comfortable. 

The flight back to Cang Qiong was a blur for Shen Qingqiu. He could tell Yue Qingyuan was sending him concerned looks every few moments, but he didn’t have the energy to offer anything in response. 

As they approached Qian Cao, Shen Qingqiu glanced down at his brother's sleeping face. Despite being in such a sorry state, Shen Yuan’s face was devoid of any pain, sleeping as peacefully as he could in Shen Qingqiu’s arms. 

When they landed on the peak, Yue Qingyuan led him into the treatment building with a hand on the small of his back. Only a blink later, they were in front of the private room he’d told Luo Binghe to set up. 

In another blink, he had set Shen Yuan down on the bed, telling Yue Qingyuan to fetch some bath water. Perhaps it was disrespectful to ask the sect leader to do a servant's task, but he seemed enthusiastic to do it after Shen Qingqiu called him Qi-ge. 

Once Shen Yuan was fully clean with fresh clothes, the murky bath water was disposed of and refilled with fresh water. Shen Qingqiu stripped off his sopping wet clothes and took his own bath, tension leaving his bones as the hot water steamed around him.

He had the privacy screen set up in a way that allowed him to see Shen Yuan whenever he leaned his head back. Shen Qingqiu soaked in the bath for a good while as he kept his gaze on his brother, letting time pass like a blur. 

He only snapped out of his daze when Yue Qingyuan opened the door, walking in with a clean and dry set of Qian Cao patient robes for Shen Qingqiu. His heart stuttered in his chest when they made eye contact, yet his expression betrayed nothing as Yue Qingyuan approached. 

Yue Qingyuan set the robes down on a side table near the tub before approaching Shen Qingqiu. Without a word, he pulled a stool up to the tub while Shen Qingqiu scooted forward in the tub. 

Yue Qingyuan poured water over Shen Qingqiu’s hair when he tipped his head back, getting it thoroughly wet before massaging shampoo into Shen Qingqiu’s scalp.

Shen Qingqiu let out a satisfied sigh, closing his eyes and letting himself get lost in the comforting sensation. The exhaustion of not getting any sleep over the past week was beginning to catch up with him, darkness tugging at the edges of his consciousness. 

He opened his eyes after Yue Qingyuan finished washing his hair, tilting his head back to look at Shen Yuan again before looking back at Yue Qingyuan. The man began to wrap Shen Qingqiu’s wet hair into a towel, a small smile on his face. All these years of trying to ignore Yue Qingyuan’s existence, Shen Qingqiu had never quite gotten a good look at how he’d grown into his features. 

He didn’t change a lot, but his features had certainly matured, looking as if he’d been carved by a dedicated artist. Shen Qingqiu wanted to run his thumb over the arch of Yue Qingyuan’s nose before tracing the man’s cheekbones. His features weren’t sharp like Shen Qingqiu’s; they were on the softer side like Shen Yuan’s. 

His eyes were a rich brown, gentle and tired, and protected by a thick set of eyelashes. Shen Qingqiu hadn’t noticed until now, but Yue Qingyuan’s dark brown hair had a few gray hairs sprouting around his temples. Shen Qingqiu refused to acknowledge how that made his heart skip. 

As his hair was wrapped up in the towel, Shen Qingqiu looked away from Yue Qingyuan. He let out a soft sigh when a heavy weight settled around his shoulders, Yue Qingyuan’s arms wrapping around him while he rested his head on Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder. 

“Sticky.” Shen Qingqiu murmured as he leaned his head against Yue Qingyuan’s. 

A soft chuckle escaped Yue Qingyuan, and Shen Qingqiu could feel him smiling against his shoulder. 

Shen Qingqiu ran his hand back and forth on Yue Qingyuan’s arm, content to stay in this position for a little while, even if he turned into a wrinkled raisin in the meantime. 

Eventually, Shen Qingqiu got out of the bath once Yue Qingyuan was on the other side of the privacy screen, waiting patiently for Shen Qingqiu to get dressed. He walked out from behind the privacy screen with his hair free from the towel it was in, cascading down his back and swishing slightly as he moved toward Yue Qingyuan. “I’ll call someone to get new water so you can bathe as well.” He looked up at Yue Qingyuan as he spoke, adjusting the robes he had changed into so they lay without wrinkles.

There was a soft smile on Yue Qingyuan’s face as he gazed at the shorter man. “No need, I’ll bathe in the next room over so you can rest alongside Xiao-Yuan.” He said, freeing a strand of Shen Qingqiu’s hair that was stuck in his robes. 

Shen Qingqiu felt a twinge of disappointment. “You’ll rest with us afterwards, right?” 

“If that is what A-Jiu wishes.” Yue Qingyuan’s voice softened, his eyes holding affection in them. “There’s only the matter of how we’ll all fit on a bed meant only for one person.”

Rolling his eyes, Shen Qingqiu hit Yue Qingyuan on the chest. Not harshly, just a light thump. “Stupid, we’ll just call someone to bring us another bed and push them together.” 

Surprise lit up in Yue Qingyuan’s eyes before he was visibly holding back laughter. “Right. Forgive this Qi-ge for being so silly.” He said with a breathy laugh, his hand reaching out and coming to rest on the side of Shen Qingqiu’s cheek. 

Ah, when they had gotten so close to each other? Shen Qingqiu could hardly keep himself calm, given how their chests were nearly touching, their faces only inches apart. He could feel Yue Qingyuan’s breath on his face, causing his cheeks to grow warmer and warmer. 

Then Shen Qingqiu’s heart began to race when he felt Yue Qingyuan's arm snake around his waist, pulling them even closer. His hands landed on Yue Qingyuan’s chest, feeling that the man’s heart was also rapidly beating. Seriously, the man had only just apologized; how was Shen Qingqiu already letting himself be weak to his antics?

Shen Qingqiu mentally berated himself for even allowing Yue Qingyuan to touch him like this. Yet, when Yue Qingyuan leaned forward, Shen Qingqiu found himself meeting him in the middle. 

Just one kiss, Shen Qingqiu told himself as soft lips met his own. Yue Qingyuan hadn’t earned more than one; he still had some work to do. But despite trying to reason with himself in his head, Shen Qingqiu found himself chasing after Yue Qingyuan’s lips again after they parted for a breath. 

Yue Qingyuan’s hand slid from the side of Shen Qingqiu’s face to the back of his neck, fingers getting a firm grip in his hair while his other hand gently squeezed Shen Qingqiu’s waist. 

Their kiss grew heated, teeth accidentally clacking together a few times with how eager they were. One of Shen Qingqiu’s arms moved to wrap around Yue Qingyuan’s neck while his other hand moved up and down on Yue Qingyuan’s clothed chest, even grabbing him at one point. 

Yue Qingyuan let out a pleased hum into their kiss, the hand on Shen Qingqiu’s waist beginning to trail down until it rested on his bottom, giving it a light but firm squeeze while his tongue licked at the seam of Shen Qingqiu’s lips. 

Shen Qingqiu let out a gasp, accidentally letting that tongue invade his mouth and begin to explore every crevice it could reach. It was too much, too much!!! Shen Qingqiu could feel his knees weakening under him, threatening to give out if this continued any longer. Yue Qingyuan was trying to devour him!

He rapidly tapped against Yue Qingyuan’s chest, panting with a bright red face once they parted. “Greedy,” He gasped. “Greedy bastard! That’s enough!” He snapped with no real fight behind his words. 

They were moving way too fast. Way too fast!! Shen Qingqiu had only just gotten his apology out of this man; he was letting him have his way too quickly! Seriously, Shen Qingqiu’s whole plan was to have Yue Qingyuan grovel at his feet for at least a good month before even letting him get those damned lips anywhere near him, yet here he was acting like a hormonal teenage girl letting her first boyfriend grope and devour her!

He put a hand over Yue Qingyuan’s mouth to stop any further kissing and pushed him away. “Shoo! Shoo, you, go take a bath! You reek!”

Yue Qingyuan’s eyes glowed with amusement and fondness as he let himself be pushed away. There wasn’t a hint of shame in this man! “Okay, okay! I’ll go.” Yue Qingyuan said with a soft laugh as he made his way toward the door after another shove. 

Shen Qingqiu was muttering something under his breath about how shameless Yue Qingyuan was as he finally got the man out of the room. He used his hands to press down any wrinkles in his robes that he obtained during their– ahem, kissing, definitely not make-out session.

He continued to grumble to himself until he reached Shen Yuan’s bedside, his demeanor softening when he laid eyes on the boy. He sat down on the bedside, his racing heart settling down as he reached out and began to pet Shen Yuan’s hair. He would have to tell the boy about the development between him and Yue Qingyuan. He knew his brother would be pleased about it. 

Shen Yuan let out a soft sigh in his sleep, sleepily mumbling nonsense before falling deeper into sleep at the comforting sensation of Shen Qingqiu petting his hair. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t resist the small smile that tugged at his lips. 

His brother was safe. That’s all that really mattered. 

Shen Qingqiu leaned down, pressing a kiss to Shen Yuan’s forehead before lying down next to the boy. He used both of his arms to cradle his brother's head, afraid to put them anywhere else in case he accidentally pressed against one of his wounds. He wiggled his body a little before letting out a contented sigh once he was comfortable. 

He had originally wanted to ask Yue Qingyuan about what he and Mu Qingfang had spoken about during the time he was in his daze, but he was simply too comfortable to resist the unconsciousness tugging at the edges of his vision after so long without sleep. 

He’d save the question for whenever they woke up. There was no rush after all. 

Shen Qingqiu let out a soft sigh as sleep finally took him, comforted by the knowledge that he had his brother safe in his arms and that Yue Qingyuan would soon join them. 

+++

Once Shen Qingqiu woke up, Mu Qingfang explained to him that there was a specific plant that they needed to break the enchantment on Shen Yuan’s wounds. Unluckily, Qian Cao had none of it in stock, and the only place to fetch it was in the northern desert. Luckily, when they had asked Shang Qinghua if he had any store, he said he could get it in less than two shichen when he learned it was for Shen Yuan. 

Shang Qinghua was a man of his word, returning after only one shichen. He explained that he would’ve been back sooner, but his… source had requested compensation immediately. Judging by how the man's lips looked bitten and swollen with hickies darkening on his neck, Shen Qingqiu could guess what the compensation was. If there hadn’t been a hint of joy in Shang Qinghua’s eyes, Shen Qingqiu would have assumed the worst.

With the plant finally in their hands, Mu Qingfang immediately got to work on making it into something at least slightly edible for Shen Yuan to eat. Shen Qingqiu gently shook Shen Yuan awake to let him know what was going on, smiling when Shen Yuan mumbled a sleepy “Okay.” In response. 

“After you eat this, the enchantment will be reversed almost immediately. We’ll stop the bleeding first and then stitch up the deepest wounds before putting fresh bandages on.” Mu Qingfang explained once he returned with the not-so-appetizing bowl of plant. “After that, you have a long road of healing ahead of you.”

Shen Yuan nodded along, sitting up so they could take his current bandages off. He shuddered lightly when the cold air hit his wounds. Shen Qingqiu was immediately there to pile up the blanket around his legs, pressing a kiss to his temple. Shen Yuan sleepily looked at the bowl of unappetizing plant mush and let out a sigh. This was so going to suck. 

Once Shen Yuan was in a comfortable position leaning against his brother with his back bare, he choked down the plant mush and shut his eyes tight. 

Mu Qingfang worked fast, stopping the bleeding quickly and diligently stitching up the deepest wounds. “I don’t want to see you out of this bed until I give you the clear, okay?” Mu Qingfang said as he finished up the last stitch. “Be very careful with any movements with your arms, or you could risk ripping your stitches. Once we’re able to remove the stitches, we’ll discuss how to minimize scarring.”

Shen Yuan nodded, his face hidden against Shen Qingqiu as he desperately blinked back tears, taking deep breaths. The process certainly hadn’t been even close to how painful it was when Madam Xia dug her boot heel into his wounds, but it still hurt. “Thank you, Mu-ge.” Shen Yuan managed to weakly say.

Mu Qingfang’s expression turned sympathetic as he began to wrap bandages around Shen Yuan’s torso again. “I’ll get you something to help with the pain. After that, get some more rest.”

“Thank you, Mu-shidi.” Shen Qingqiu said while carding his hand through Shen Yuan’s hair. 

Yue Qingyuan came in soon after, Luo Binghe trailing close after with food in hand for Shen Yuan. When they made eye contact, Luo Binghe’s eyes immediately began to water, his lip wobbling as he desperately tried to calm himself. He put the tray of food down on the nightstand while Shen Qingqiu got up out of the way before he nearly tripped over himself to get to Shen Yuan.

If it weren’t for the stitches in his back, Shen Yuan would have launched himself into Binghe’s arms. Instead, he settled on leaning against the boy while he was firmly hugged. He did his best to hug Binghe back, his arms managing to get a little way around Binghe’s waist. 

“A-Yuan,” Was all that Luo Binghe could manage with a wobbly voice. 

Oh, how Shen Yuan wanted to run his hands through the boy’s curls. “Binghe.” Said back, resting his head comfortably on his chest. 

Shen Yuan heard Binghe sniffle, his shoulder growing wet from what he assumed was his friend’s tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry A-Yuan! If I had been there—”

“Binghe, don’t.” Shen Yuan interrupted. “There’s nothing that you could have done to prevent what happened. If you try to argue, I’m kicking you out.”

Shen Yuan could hear a soft clack as Luo Binghe quickly closed his mouth at his threat. He sniffled once more before finally speaking again. “What can I do to help?’ Binghe asked in a quiet voice. 

“Help me eat the food you made so I can forget about the taste of the literal slop I’ve had to eat the past few days?” He asked after a moment of hesitation. “Then let me use you as a pillow while I sleep?”

Luo Binghe wasted no time in fulfilling Shen Yuan’s requests. He didn’t let Shen Yuan lift even a finger while he fed him, even wiping his face if food got on his face. When Mu Qingfang brought in tea that would help Shen Yuan’s pain and also help him sleep, Luo Binghe helped him drink that as well. 

Of course, Luo Binghe was also very happy to be Shen Yuan’s pillow. He positioned himself to lie on his back while Shen Yuan lay on top of him, his head lying on Binghe’s chest. It didn’t take long for Shen Yuan to fall asleep once the blanket was pulled over them with Shen Qingqiu’s assistance. 

Once Shen Yuan fell asleep, Luo Binghe turned his head to look at Shen Qingqiu. Hesitantly, he asked, “Is he okay?”

Shen Qingqiu looked at the boy for a few moments before answering, voice tired. “Not right now, but he will be.” 

Luo Binghe nodded slightly before pulling Shen Yuan closer to himself, closing his eyes, and trying not to think about the bruises on Shen Yuan’s face. He was sure there were more underneath his clothes, and judging by the bandages, there were most likely even worse wounds. 

He needed to grow stronger, be the strongest for Shen Yuan. He would grow so strong that nothing could ever harm Shen Yuan again if Luo Binghe were anywhere nearby. 

He would grow stronger no matter what it took, even if he had to go to hell and back. 

+++

Shen Yuan’s recovery was slow and rocky. 

While the wounds on his body closed up within a month, his mental state remained strained. 

Nightmares haunted him nightly, to the point where he would sleep in the same bed as Shen Qingqiu so the man wouldn’t have to keep walking to Shen Yuan’s room when he heard his cries. Some nights, Shen Yuan wouldn’t even sleep; he’d stay up reading a book while Shen Qingqiu worked on grading students’ work.

It wasn’t all bad; in return for Shen Yuan telling Shen Qingqiu what had happened between him and Madam Xia, Shen Qingqiu explained what had happened between him and Yue Qingyuan. Shen Yuan was even happier to find out that they had made up! (Well, more than made up. But Shen Yuan didn’t need to know what happened to make it more)

Winter rapidly approached, the air growing icy and causing the scars on Shen Yuan’s back to ache deeply. 

They had managed to quickly get rid of the brand on his chest due to it having no enchantment on it, but the whip scars didn’t seem to want to disappear from his body. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror anymore without having a panic attack when he caught a glimpse of the scars. 

Though there were times he didn’t hate them so much. 

Mu Qingfang had given him a cream to make the scars fade. It was supposed to be applied twice a day, morning and night, and sometimes, Luo Binghe would help him apply it. 

Most of the time, it would start normally, with Shen Yuan sitting with his back to Luo Binghe while the boy massaged the cream into the scars. Then, Shen Yuan would grow drowsy, lost in the comforting sensation of Luo Binghe’s hands on his back. He would end up with his head either on Luo Binghe’s shoulder or chest, slowly beginning to fall asleep. 

And that sleep would be some of the best sleep he’d get. Luo Binghe would continue to massage his back while he slept, going from his scars to any knots in his muscles. Shen Yuan would later wake up and be embarrassed to find he had slept so deeply that he had drooled all over Binghe. 

Luo Binghe remained so patient with him. He didn’t get mad or upset when Shen Yuan cancelled plans when his paranoia acted up; he didn’t yell at Shen Yuan for making a lot of noise during panic attacks; he cradled Shen Yuan whenever he woke up from nightmares; and despite how broken Shen Yuan felt most of the time, Luo Binghe would remain by his side and remind him that he was loved. 

Shen Yuan couldn’t dance around the fact that he was falling more and more in love with Luo Binghe with every day that passed. 

With every time Luo Binghe wiped his tears away, Shen Yuan’s heart fluttered more and more. His heart picked up in speed every time they were close, and Shen Yuan felt he could faint every time he saw Luo Binghe smile. 

The thought of marriage flashed through his mind when Luo Binghe cooked him breakfast or washed his hair. When it first passed through his mind, it had caught Shen Yuan off guard. The thought of marriage had always been nice to him, to have someone to spend the rest of his life with. But the idea of being married to Luo Binghe was exhilarating.

The thought of being able to go to sleep and wake up beside Luo Binghe every day filled him with a giddy feeling. Luo Binghe would likely wake him up every morning with breakfast in bed and even a kiss, letting Shen Yuan rest and sleep in as long as he wanted to. Maybe… maybe a few years in, they’d even have a little one to gush over. 

Oh, just the thought made Shen Yuan want to scream into a pillow and roll all over his bed while kicking his feet. Good god, Shen Yuan felt insane! He was thinking all of this about his best friend of almost ten years!! Would Luo Binghe ever like him back? Would he even share the same fantasies Shen Yuan had? Was Shen Yuan absolutely crazy and weird!?

Out with these thoughts!! If he couldn’t deny his feelings, then he would shove them way deep down and ignore them like a mother neglecting her child!!!

He could do this!! He just needed to take a deep breath and not think about how Luo Binghe was gradually growing taller than him, and that his hands were bigger than his own. At all costs. He needed to not think about how Luo Binghe was gaining more and more muscle the more he trained. Definitely needed to avoid thinking about how much handsomer Binghe was turning out to be as well. 

Oh, he was so screwed, wasn’t he?

+++

Shen Yuan startled awake, swallowing back rapid breaths. He curled into himself, blinking back tears as he desperately tried to keep quiet. Bits of his nightmare flashed through his mind as he tried to calm his racing heart.

Arms wrapping around him told him that his efforts to stay quiet had failed. 

He turned his body as he let out a shaky sob, burying himself in his brother's arms. It felt almost like a routine as Shen Qingqiu rubbed circles into Shen Yuan’s back, pressing kisses to the boy's forehead as he murmured reassurances. 

Once what felt like forever had passed by, Shen Qingqiu helped Shen Yuan sit up and handed him a cup of water. “Sorry, gege.” Shen Yuan murmured after he drank the water and took a few deep breaths. 

“Don’t be.” Shen Qingqiu sighed, running his hand over Shen Yuan’s hair a few times. “You know I’ll always be here for you, A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan nodded, closing his eyes for a few moments before looking at his window. Light seeped through the cracks of his curtains, telling him that the sun had risen and it was time for him to get up. He let out a soft sigh, glad to have at least slept through the night. 

Shen Qingqiu pressed a hand to the boy’s forehead. “How are you feeling? Do you think this bout of sickness is over?” 

Oh, right. He’d forgotten about the fever he had had the previous day. Or had it been days? He wasn’t too sure. “My throat still feels scratchy, but I think I’m okay now.” He said as he began to stretch his sore muscles.

“That’ll teach you not to go out when it’s heavily snowing, correct?” Shen Qingqiu questioned, poking Shen Yuan’s face.

Shen Yuan flushed pink. “It was only flurrying when I had first gone out! How was I supposed to know it would start to turn into a storm?” He defended himself. He just wanted to go to town with Shang Qinghua to check out what new books were in store! Neither of them had expected the snow to pick up to the point that they were covered in a layer of snow by the time they got back to the bamboo house! 

Shen Qingqiu lightly flicked Shen Yuan’s forehead. “You shouldn’t have been out in the snow at all! You know the cold makes you prone to getting sick!”

A pout settled on Shen Yuan’s face at the scolding. “I had heard there was a new novel by my favorite author, I wanted to get a copy before they sold out…”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. “Just ask someone to get it for you next time, A-Yuan. You know me or Qi-ge would’ve happily done it. Don’t risk your health for a book.” 

“Yes, gege, I’ll be more careful.” Shen Yuan promised. 

“Good.” Shen Qingqiu said. “You know I hate seeing you in such a state.”

Shen Yuan nodded. “I know, gege. I’m sorry, I really didn’t expect it to start snowing so heavily.”

“I’ve already forgiven you. Now, come sit with me by the fire while I do paperwork.” Shen Qingqiu said while patting Shen Yuan's shoulder. 

Once Shen Qingqiu left the room, Shen Yuan bundled up in some comfortable, thick robes, slipping fluffy socks on before heading out into the living room, where Shen Qingqiu was doing paperwork.  

Shen Yuan stopped by the bookshelf, picking out a book after a few moments before taking a seat next to Shen Qingqiu, his eyes lighting up when his brother pushed a cup of his favorite tea toward him. He murmured his thanks before taking a sip as he opened his book. 

Time passed by fairly slowly. Shen Yuan soon grew bored with his book as a rising feeling of forgetting something grew in him. He stared at his now-empty cup as he chewed on the skin around his nails, trying to figure out what he was forgetting. 

Once he had healed from his injuries, Shen Qingqiu had him start sparring against Liu Qingge so he could learn another fighting style, even though he already sparred against Luo Binghe quite often. His brother claimed that Binghe wouldn’t ever go full out with him, which was… a pretty good point. While Binghe seemed to always enjoy their spars, he always hated it when he accidentally hurt Shen Yuan. 

Hence, why Shen Yuan instead sparred with Liu Qingge. As much as Shen Qingqiu hated the idea, he hated the idea of Shen Yuan not having more fighting styles under his belt. He could put his pride aside if it meant his brother was safe. 

The sparring sessions were once a week on the same day. Had Shen Yuan missed one of the sessions while he was bedridden with his fever? That didn’t seem right, though; the thing he was forgetting felt a lot more important. 

“Gege, while I had a fever, did I miss any events?” He spoke up after a few moments of contemplating. “Did I miss a sparring session with Liu-ge?”

Shen Qingqiu paused his paperwork to look at Shen Yuan. “Not that I recall. Even if you had had a sparring session with him, I would’ve had you cancel it anyway with the snow.”

Well, that wasn’t the answer Shen Yuan was hoping for. What could he be forgetting? He got up from where he had been sitting, bringing his cup with him so he could wash it. His mind churned as whatever he was forgetting itched at his mind, almost at the surface where it would let Shen Yuan remember, but not quite. 

He stood in the kitchen, washing the cup with water and a rag, his lips pursed as he tried and tried to remember. Heavens, what could he possibly be forgetting!? 

He paced around the living room a few times, walking back and forth from one end to the other, before his brother let out a quiet cough to snap Shen Yuan back to reality so he would stop pacing. 

He mumbled an apology before standing in place as he zoned out. He didn’t remember making plans with anyone before his fever, and Shen Qingqiu always excused him from schoolwork whenever Shen Yuan got sick like this. Did he forget to deliver something, maybe? No, if he was assigned delivery duty, he always made sure to do it all the day of. 

Shen Yuan grumbled under his breath as he eventually made his way to his room. He pulled back the curtains that covered his windows, sighing at the sight of the snow. He missed Luo Binghe. The winter always reminded Shen Yuan of him, filling him with a sense of longing. 

Luo Binghe had left on a mission some time before his fever, assuring that he would be back soon and carry (unnecessary in Shen Yuan’s opinion) gifts. Luo Binghe really was so sweet, always getting gifts for Shen Yuan while he was out on missions. The boy would always claim that he couldn’t resist buying the things that reminded him of Shen Yuan. So silly. (Shen Yuan wasn’t any better. He’s lost count of how many things he’s bought for Luo Binghe simply because they were the same color as his eyes.)

Ah, speaking of gifts, Shen Yuan had been working on making something for Luo Binghe. Qi Qingqi had offered to teach him how to sew designs into items like robes and scarves, mainly because she had already agreed to show him and Shen Qingqiu how to sew protective arrays into their robes. So Shen Yuan thought it would be nice to pick up sewing as a hobby while he recovered from… everything. 

It was a calming task despite how much he pricked his fingers! And Luo Binghe always adored Shen Yuan’s handmade gifts, no matter how bad they were. After all, he still kept that crappy wooden cat sculpture that Shen Yuan had made years ago when they were still twelve. 

It turned out that Qi Qingqi was actually an excellent teacher. She was very descriptive and good at showing Shen Yuan the steps he needed to take. Shen Yuan had always been nervous around her before due to how she and his brother didn’t get along very well, but after she witnessed, well, you know, she was actually quite kind to Shen Yuan. Very patient. She had even offered to include him in the self-defense classes that she taught the girls on her peak!

Shen Yuan looked at the silk scarf and qiankun pouch that he had recently embroidered on. He thinks he did pretty well on them! He had a lot of time to practice before fully dedicating to the designs. Plus, Luo Binghe’s birthday was coming up! He needed gifts to give! He thought the scarf would be a nice gift since the weather was so cold.

Shen Yuan stared at the scarf for a few moments. 

Luo Binghe’s birthday was coming up.

Luo Binghe’s birthday.

…

Oh fuck.

Shen Yuan’s feet thumped loudly against the floor as he ran out of his room. “Gege, gege! What day is it!? Please don’t tell me it’s the winter solstice already!”

Shen Qingqiu looked at him like he was crazy. “It is, why?”

“Oh no, oh no.” Shen Yuan paled, “No, no, no! It’s Binghe’s birthday!” Oh, he was the worst friend ever! How could he forget about Luo Binghe’s birthday!? He had also wanted to get more gifts, but he only had the scarf and pouch… Damn it, why did he have to be such an idiot and go get sick!?

Shen Qingqiu stood from where he was sitting, quickly making his way to Shen Yuan. “A-Yuan, breathe.”

Ah, when had he started crying? He stifled a soft sob as Shen Qingqiu carefully used his sleeve to dry his face. “I can’t believe I forgot! I meant to get him more gifts while I was in town with Hua-ge, but then it started to storm!” He hiccuped. “I was going to go the day after since Hua-ge wanted to get me home, but then I got sick… he always does so much for my birthdays, but all I have is a lousy scarf and pouch with crappy embroidery!”

Shen Qingqiu pulled the boy into a hug, gently shushing him. “A-Yuan, you know that boy will love anything you give him. Even if the only thing you gave him was a hug, he’d be ecstatic.”

Shen Yuan buried his face in his brother's shoulder. “But I’ve been so much lately.” He sniffled. “I wanted to give him so much more as a thank you and I’m sorry. He’s had to tolerate so much and hasn’t even complained. He deserves so much better.”

Kisses were pressed to his temple. “You’re not a burden, A-Yuan. You have nothing to apologize for, and I know Luo Binghe agrees with me. He’ll love the things you’ve embroidered for him.” He assured Shen Yuan. 

He leaned back from their hug, petting Shen Yuan’s hair and wiping away stray tears with his thumbs. Shen Yuan looked up at his brother with watery eyes, not fully believing his words. “How can you be sure?”

Shen Qingqiu let out a soft sigh. “A-Yuan, he looks at you as if you hold the world in your hands.” He told the boy. “He’d probably throw himself into hell if it meant you were safe and happy.”

Shen Yuan looked at the ground, pressing his lips into a tight line. “I hope he doesn’t,” He said eventually. “I don’t think I could be happy without him.”

Shen Qingqiu wiped a few more tears off of Shen Yuan’s face before pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “Come on, I’ll make you another cup of tea. What time did your Binghe say that he’d be back from his mission today? I’ll bundle you up, and you can greet him at the gates.”

“Really!?” Shen Yuan’s eyes lit up as he looked up at his brother before he processed the ‘your Binghe’, his face slowly beginning to flush. “He said he’d be back in the evening.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Yes, really.” He said as he guided Shen Yuan to sit back down. “And we're going to take extra measures to make sure you don't get sick again, okay? We're not leaving this house until you’ve got at least three warming talismans on you.”

Shen Yuan's eyes crinkled as he smiled widely, feeling some of the weight on his heart lift. “Thank you, gege!!” 

Shen Qingqiu’s heart squeezed at the sight. Such wide smiles from Shen Yuan seemed like a rarity lately after everything that happened. He smiled back, gently pinching one of Shen Yuan’s cheeks. “Of course, A-Yuan.” 

Now, to come up with a plan to prevent this boy from turning into a popsicle and getting sick again. The things he did to make his brother happy…

~

Shen Yuan let out a shaky breath, watching a puff of white appear. Snow crunched under his and Shen Qingqiu’s boots as they made their way to the main gates of Cang Qiong. 

Shen Qingqiu had bundled him up in thick robes with a fluffy outer coat and a soft wool scarf wrapped around his neck. He rubbed his gloved hands together as they walked, trying to drive away the coldness he felt. 

Anxiety buzzed under Shen Yuan’s skin the closer they got, worried that what he had for Binghe wasn’t enough despite Shen Qingqiu’s many assurances that the boy would love it.

That little trickle of doubt seemed never-ending these days. It wasn’t just limited to gifts; it seemed to be there for everything. In the back of his mind, there was always a tiny voice that told him everything he did wasn’t enough. That he wasn’t enough. It really was bothersome. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of a group of disciples chattering amongst themselves. He took a deep breath, feeling somewhat lighter at the thought of seeing Binghe despite his worries. 

One of the older Bai Zhan disciples caught sight of Shen Yuan, mischief lighting up in their eyes. “Luo-shidi, your boyfriend is here!” They called out loudly, the gaggle of disciples suddenly bursting out into a fit of teasing laughter.

Shen Yuan felt the cold leave his face as it turned bright red. “What!? Y-You!!” He sputtered, not able to form a coherent enough thought to shoot back something in response from how flustered he was. 

 Him! Luo Binghe’s boyfriend! Only in his dreams!!!!!

The disciple could only look so smug for a few more moments before there was the sound of a smack! as a snowball collided with their face. A moment passed by as they processed what had just happened before looking at their fellow disciples, yelling, “Who threw that!?”

An argument as to who threw it quickly started up, not taking long at all to turn into chaos when someone yelled, “Snowball fight!!!” 

Shen Yuan and Shen Qingqiu stood to the side, flabbergasted at the sight of snowballs flying through the air accompanied by shouting. “Bai Zhan disciples.” Shen Qingqiu said while pinching the bridge of his nose. 

It truly looked like a war zone! “That really escalated quickly.” Shen Yuan commented, not being able to help but feel a little stunned as his eyes scanned the clearing for a sighting of Luo Binghe. 

A few moments passed before Shen Yuan finally caught sight of his friend’s curly hair. It vanished for just a second before Luo Binghe popped out of the group of disciples, all fighting each other with snowballs. He rushed over to Shen Yuan as Shen Qingqiu went to sit on a nearby bench, a giant grin on his face, with clumps of snow sticking to his hair. “A-Yuan!” Luo Binghe cheerfully greeted him while taking Shen Yuan’s hands into his own. “Ignore them, they’re just being idiots.”

Shen Yuan’s lips curled as he desperately tried to hold back laughter. “Oh, Binghe, you totally started that fight, didn’t you?” He questioned while he freed one of his hands to pick out the clumps of snow from Luo Binghe’s hair. 

There was a glint of mischief in Luo Binghe’s eyes. “I would never!” He defended himself. “If I did, it would only be because they deserved it for bothering my A-Yuan!”

Shen Yuan snorted, mentally shoving any sort of fluttering feeling way, way down at that ‘my A-Yuan’. “Well, if you did, your A-Yuan would let it slide since it’s your birthday.” He told Luo Binghe while dusting any remnants of snow off Binghe’s shoulders.

He had to beat the fluttering feeling down harshly this time as Luo Binghe’s smile turned warm, a beautiful shade of red dusting his cheeks. Surely it was just the cold getting to him, not anything Shen Yuan said, haha. Seriously, such a small crush shouldn’t be affecting Shen Yuan so much! Everyone has crushes on their best friends even briefly, right? So why was he acting so weird about this!!!??

He didn’t acknowledge how the thought of his crush not being reciprocated made him feel a little sick. He was just being weird, that’s all! He pushed these thoughts aside, refocusing on the main topic at hand. He reached forward, pulling Luo Binghe into a firm hug. Well, as firm as he could with how he felt like a marshmallow in all of these thick robes. “Happy birthday, Binghe.” He told the boy with a smile. 

Unsurprisingly, when they pulled back from their embrace, Luo Binghe’s eyes were misty. “Thank you, A-Yuan.” He said with such a soft look in his eyes that it made Shen Yuan want to turn to jelly.

He stifled a fond sigh, reaching up and petting the hair that reminded Shen Yuan so much of a sheep. “I haven’t even given you your gifts, yet you’re already tearing up from a ‘happy birthday’.” Shen Yuan said while letting out a soft laugh. 

Luo Binghe smiled brightly. “I’m already lucky that I got to see you first thing after getting back from my mission, and now you’re telling me there are more gifts?” 

Shen Yuan felt his cheeks heat up a little. He would dwell on the fact that Luo Binghe thought meeting him after his mission was a gift later.  “Of course I have gifts for you. You… you just gotta promise you won’t laugh after seeing them, okay?”

Luo Binghe tilted his head in that way that drove Shen Yuan absolutely insane. “Why would I ever laugh at something A-Yuan gives me? I’m certain I’ll cherish it no matter what it is.”

“Don’t say that just yet.” Shen Yuan said with a nervous laugh as he began to pull the pouch out of his sleeve. After a moment's hesitation, he put it in Luo Binghe’s hand. “Uhm… Qi-Shigu has been teaching me how to embroider lately as a way to keep my mind distracted. I thought, you know, since your birthday was coming up, that I’d put my newly learned skills to use.” He fought back the urge to snatch the qinkun pouch back as he spoke, heat gradually growing in his face. “There’s also something inside.” 

Shen Yuan had avoided eye contact the entire time, too embarrassed by his non-professional embroidery to meet Luo Binghe’s eyes. When he finally built up the courage to look up, it felt like Cupid's arrow pierced his heart as soon as he saw Luo Binghe’s sparkling eyes. “You embroidered this just for me?” Luo Binghe’s voice was wobbly as he turned over the pouch to look at the carefully done designs.

They weren’t really anything too fancy since Shen Yuan was still a novice. He had done some simple lotus flowers accompanied by some swirly clouds, really nothing too complicated. Certainly not something to be so impressed about! Shen Yuan suddenly felt shy as he nodded, really wishing he had one of his fans despite the cold weather. “Don’t forget there’s another thing inside.”

Luo Binghe’s eyes lit up at the reminder, his hands working fast to open the pouch. His mouth hung slightly open as he pulled out the silk scarf, awe in his eyes as he looked over the plum blossom designs that Shen Yuan had embroidered on it. “A-Yuan… how long did this take you to do?”

The longer that Luo Binghe gazed at the scarf with awe, the more confident Shen Yuan felt in his skills. “Well, I practiced the design until I got it perfect before doing it on the scarf… I want to say it took me four months? The pouch took a lot less time since the designs were simpler. Only about a month.” He explained while rubbing the fingertips where he’d pricked himself so many times.

“They’re beautiful.” Luo Binghe said softly, running his fingers over the embroidery. “A-Yuan, thank you, I’ll cherish these forever.”

Shen Yuan felt strangely floaty at Luo Binghe’s praise, his heart picking up in pace. “Of course, Binghe. Happy birthday.” He told Luo Binghe as the sounds of the snowball fight in the background grew distant.

 Luo Binghe folded the scarf before placing it inside the qinkun pouch and tying it to his belt. “Don’t be mad, but I may have gotten something for you as well.” Luo Binghe said as he took something off his back, placing it on the ground in front of them. 

Internally, Shen Yuan screamed. This wasn’t fair!!! Today was Luo Binghe’s birthday!!! Not Shen Yuan’s!!! Why was he receiving gifts?! “Oh Binghe, today’s your birthday, you shouldn’t have!” He almost scolded as he watched Luo Binghe untie the blanket around what seemed to be a bamboo basket with straps attached to it. 

“Even though giving you gifts makes me really happy?” Luo Binghe had knelt on the ground to untie the blanket, now looking up at Shen Yuan through his stupidly long, thick lashes. 

“You’re such a sap.” Shen Yuan complained without truly meaning it. “Can’t you wait to give me them tomorrow so I don’t feel as guilty for not getting you more gifts?”

Luo Binghe chuckled, rising from where he knelt with a medium-sized bamboo basket in his arms. “Well, the others can wait, but this one in particular can’t.”

Shen Yuan let out an exasperated sigh. “Really?”

Luo Binghe held out the basket. “Yes, really. Just open it already!” He urged. 

With a skeptical look, Shen Yuan finally reached out to open the lid of the basket. Maybe if he was lucky, it was just a basket filled with sweets that Luo Binghe had made. Well, wishes were just wishes. 

Shen Yuan nearly screamed when he saw what was in the basket. 

“Oh my GOD!” Shen Yuan’s voice was loud as his eyes flew wide open, the basket's lid falling from his hands and hitting the ground with a thump. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! Binghe!!” Shen Yuan’s eyes shone bright as he paced in a circle for a moment before looking at the basket's contents again, freaking out all over again. 

There was a wide, bright grin on Luo Binghe’s face that Shen Yuan had the strongest urge to kiss away. “I’m taking your reaction as a positive one?” Luo Binghe said through a few giggles. 

In the basket was a baby spiritual beast that Shen Yuan had often rambled about but had never really told anyone how it was most likely his favorite. The mixture of a leopard and a deer, with white, curly fur that felt silky to the touch, eyes, ears, and a tail of a deer, but the teeth, paws, and body of a leopard. Little bumps sat atop its head, which would one day grow into magnificent antlers. It sleepily looked up at Shen Yuan from where it had a blanket over it inside the basket, letting out a mewl. 

Tears sprang to Shen Yuan’s eyes as it felt like his heart was being squeezed. “How in the world did you find a baby leer? Poachers have been killing almost every last one.” His voice was shaky as he reached into the basket, carefully lifting the baby leer into his arms and ensuring that the blanket stayed around it. 

Luo Binghe watched as Shen Yuan cradled the little beast with soft eyes, feeling weak when the boy giggled at it nibbling on his fingers. “I found her while we were working on our mission. She was all alone, and I didn’t want to leave her by herself.”

Shen Yuan looked at the kit, his heart swelling. “Poor thing. Those damned poachers must have gotten to her mother; they never leave their babies when they’re this young.” He murmured, gently rubbing his finger against its cheek. 

Luo Binghe hummed in agreement, refusing to take his eyes off of Shen Yuan. “I remember you mentioning that leers could bond with a cultivator if their qi was compatible. I thought it was worth a try to see if she would bond with you.” 

Shen Yuan looked up at Luo Binghe, eyes full of wonder. “You remember that?” 

A smile appeared on Luo Binghe’s face when he nodded. “Of course I do. I remember you mentioning that they’re able to prevent and stop qi deviations as well. Along with how, as they grow, they eventually develop the ability to use their spiritual energy as a way to walk in the air. And that if they bond with a cultivator, it’s a lifelong bond with how loyal they are.”

When Luo Binghe continued to list off facts that he had learned from Shen Yuan's rambles, Shen Yuan found himself wanting to tackle to boy and kiss him silly more and more. 

Wait. What. Uhhhhh. Annnnyyway. 

“I didn’t think anyone actually retained any information from my rants.” Shen Yuan said weakly when Luo Binghe finally finished listing off the facts he knew. 

It was Luo Binghe’s turn to be surprised now. “How could I not? It’s addicting to listen to you talk about things you’re passionate about. Most of what I know about beasts is all from what you’ve told me and have even saved me on some missions I’ve been on.”

Shen Yuan couldn’t muster up a single coherent thought when Luo Binghe said that. He simply leaned forward and hugged his best friend the best he could with the leer between them. “Oh Binghe… You really will be the death of me.” He mumbled against his shoulder. “I can’t believe you really listen and remember the things I ramble about.”

Luo Binghe wrapped his arms around Shen Yuan, laughing quietly. “I find it hard to believe that someone could not want to listen to you talk.”

Shen Yuan felt his cheeks heating up once again. He looked at the baby leer in his arms, then back up at Luo Binghe, wondering how he had gotten so lucky. Shen Yuan knew that he talked a lot when it came to topics that he was interested in; it was difficult for him to stop once he had started. He knew it drove some of his fellow disciples up the wall, even his brother could get a little annoyed sometimes. Binghe… he always knew that Binghe happily listened, but he never thought that the boy actually heard him. 

This did not help Shen Yuan with shoving those weird feelings down. 

Shen Yuan didn’t really know how he thought that Luo Binghe didn’t listen. Now that he thought back on it, Luo Binghe would always ask small questions to keep Shen Yuan’s rants going, always nodding along and making hums of acknowledgment to what Shen Yuan was saying. 

God damn it, Luo Binghe, you really aren’t helping with Shen Yuan’s predicament!!! Not only did he retain the facts that Shen Yuan mentioned in his rambles, but he even gave Shen Yuan one of his dream spiritual animals. This was seriously unfair. 

Shen Yuan didn’t even know how to begin expressing how thankful he was. Just a thank you didn’t feel right, and he already hugged Luo Binghe so often that it wouldn’t suffice. 

Then, as they pulled apart from their hug, Shen Yuan felt a buzzing in his head start up as he thought of something. It was a bold idea— He really shouldn’t do it with the chance that Luo Binghe would not like it, but he had no other ideas. Well, it was one way to see if he had a chance.

Luo Binghe must have been saying something while Shen Yuan dealt with his internal dilemma, because he tilts his head with worry in his eyes, saying Shen Yuan’s name with a concerned tone. 

Shen Yuan’s gaze snapped up to meet Luo Binghe’s eyes. Oh, Binghe really did have the prettiest eyes; everything about his existence was unfair. The perfect features, amazing facial harmony, gorgeous silky and curly hair, and a voice that could lull Shen Yuan into a death trap set up by deadly monsters. How had his existence been allowed? As Shen Yuan’s hand reached up to cup the side of Luo Binghe’s face, he couldn’t help but internally grumble about how soft the boy's skin was as well. 

Luo Binghe’s eyes had slightly widened. “A-Yuan?”

Well, it was now or never. Too late to back out! With the last bit of confidence he had, Shen Yuan quickly leaned forward and pressed his lips to that soft skin, successfully kissing Luo Binghe on the cheek. 

It was a chaste kiss, only lasting a few moments, but it was long enough for butterflies to burst into a rampage in Shen Yuan’s stomach and destroy that last ounce of confidence. He stumbled back a few steps, his face bright red as he racked his brain for words to explain how he was saying thank you. 

But before he could even begin to find the words, he noticed that the sounds of the snowball fight had stopped. His heart dropped to his stomach as he turned his head to see the group of Bai Zhan disciples watching him and Luo Binghe as if they were actors in a play. One of the disciples was even eating a handful of snow as they watched. 

Shen Yuan was pretty sure that if it were possible, his face would be on fire from how hot it was. He was even more mortified to see that his brother had also been watching, his fan unable to hide his shocked expression.

Could someone tell Shen Yuan where the nearest cliff was? He really needs one to jump off of!!!

He finally looked back at Luo Binghe, entirely unprepared for the expression he would be met with. The boy had his hand hovering over the cheek that Shen Yuan had kissed, his face a bright shade of pink as he looked at Shen Yuan as if the boy had handed him the world and more. 

Oh. 

Can someone check Shen Yuan’s pulse? He’s pretty sure his heart just stopped beating. 

His brain felt like it was about to melt and start pouring out of his ears. This was all way too overwhelming! And he had no one but himself to blame!! He needed to get out of here before he made an even bigger fool of himself. 

Nervous laughter immediately bubbled up in his chest. “Oh wow, look at how late it’s getting! I should, uh, really go home and walk the uh, fish!! The fish, before it gets dark!” He backed further away with every word he spoke, adjusting the way he was holding the leer in his arms. “By the way, gege said you’re invited over for dinner if you want, okay bye!” He said quickly before turning around and finally running. 

He was pretty sure he heard voices calling after him, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop running and turn around to face whoever it was. His face was way too thin for this!!! Why had he gone and done that!? 

But… Luo Binghe didn’t seem to not like it. Shen Yuan didn’t know how to describe Luo Binghe’s expression, but it hadn’t been one of disgust or discomfort. He actually seemed really happy about it. Oh, this really wasn’t helping with Shen Yuan’s plan of ignoring his feelings. 

Once he finally reached the bamboo house, he flung the door open and crashed into his bed back first. The leer in his arms let out a muffled meow in complaint before stretching out its limbs and getting comfortable on Shen Yuan’s chest. 

Shen Yuan stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily as his brain replayed the events that just happened. He had actually kissed Luo Binghe on the cheek. He had kissed Luo Binghe’s cheek! And Luo Binghe hadn’t hated him for doing it!

His eyes burned as his heart ran rapidly in his chest. His body buzzed with nervousness, feelings that he didn’t want to address forcibly rising through the barriers he had set up. 

He heard the door to the bamboo house open, quiet footsteps making their way toward his room. His door quietly creaked open before he felt the bed sink next to him. He tilted his head slightly, looking up to meet his brother’s gaze before looking back away. 

Shen Qingqiu ran his hand over Shen Yuan’s hair. “Are you okay?” 

Shen Yuan leaned his head against Shen Qingqiu’s thigh, thinking for a few moments before nodding his head. 

Shen Qingqiu continued to play a little with Shen Yuan’s hair. “So…” He began. “Walk the fish, huh?”

Shen Yuan’s face immediately reddened. “Shut up.” He groaned, trying to hide his face out of embarrassment. 

Shen Qingqiu’s body shook slightly with laughter. “It could’ve been worse. You could’ve slipped on the snow.”

Shen Yuan cringed at that thought. “If that happened, I would have had to eliminate every single witness.” He said. “Or just die of sheer embarrassment while still on the ground.” 

“Well, it’s good that didn’t happen then.” Shen Qingqiu commented with a hint of amusement in his voice. A few beats of silence passed by, both unsure of what to say. Shen Qingqiu didn’t want to pry with how overwhelmed Shen Yuan seemed, but he very much wanted to say something about the kiss. “I should go get started on dinner. We can talk once you’ve calmed down.” 

Shen Qingqiu began to rise from where he was sitting, but he was immediately tugged back by Shen Yuan. “Gege,” Shen Yuan’s voice was small and vulnerable, his eyes teary as he looked up at his brother. “What does it feel like to be in love?”

Letting out a soft sigh, Shen Qingqiu felt himself weaken. “Oh, A-Yuan,” He wiped away a tear with his thumb. “I think you already know.” 

And with that, the dam holding back Shen Yuan’s feelings broke in an instant. He had tried to deny it for so long that every single romantic feeling he held for Luo Binghe came crashing down on him. Tears began to pick up in speed as he quietly hiccuped. “Is it meant to be this scary?”

Shen Qingqiu resigned himself to just rubbing Shen Yuan’s cheek when the tears seemed endless. “What about it scares you?”

Shen Yuan took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Everything.” His voice broke. “We’ve been friends for almost ten years. What if my feelings ruin that? What if he finds out, and he doesn’t return those feelings? Or if he does return them, what if when we finally get together and get married, and he realizes I’m too much?”

Shen Yuan continued, “I have nightmares almost every night, and during the days, I have constant panic attacks. Even on good days, I can always feel a burst of anxiety just waiting to ruin everything. What if he gets tired of having to deal with that every single day if we were to marry?”

Shen Yuan hiccuped, unable to stop his worries from spilling out. “Binghe’s so amazing, if he wanted, he could probably gather a harem in the triple digits. He’s so lovable that he could have anyone he wanted. How could I ever hope to be the perfect match for him? Oh Gege, I’m so in love with him it physically hurts.” He sobbed. “He’s so handsome, it’s so hard not to stare at his face. His eyes are the prettiest I’ve ever seen, and I get blinded every time he smiles at me. I keep noticing the differences between us lately, like how his hands are bigger than mine and how he’s slowly growing taller than me.”

“He hasn’t even fully grown into his features, and yet I feel so weak every time I see him, so weak whenever he gifts me something or when he laughs at whatever stupid joke I make. Whenever he makes me food, I can’t help but think of a possible future of me waking up to him making me breakfast in bed every morning and us having dinner together every night. And I know that we already cuddle all the time, but the thought of doing that while being married makes me so flustered I feel like I’ll explode!”

His eyes were red as he looked up at his brother. “What if he doesn’t even like boys like that? And if he does, what if I’m not his type? Oh god, I feel like everything I’m saying is straight out of a trashy, cheesy teenage romance novel.” He groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

Shen Qingqiu hummed lightly. “From my point of view, A-Yuan, there’s nothing you could do to make Luo Binghe dislike you. He cares deeply for you, and there’s nothing more that he wants than to see you happy. I don’t think he could get tired of you even if he tried.” He carefully said. “I can’t know how he truly feels, but from what I can tell, he’d never think of you as a burden. I even think that if he could, he’d take every negative feeling from you and put it into himself.”

“I also think that A-Yuan should try and pay attention to the ways that Luo Binghe looks at him. To the way he treats him compared to everyone else.” Shen Qingqiu added on. 

Shen Yuan looked at his brother and then the leer that lay on his chest. “Do… do you think there’s a chance he loves me back?” He asked hesitantly. 

“The only reason I can’t be certain is because I’m not him.” Shen Qingqiu said. “But just looking at everything in your room and the way he treats you, well, that’s up to you for what it implies.” 

Shen Yuan looked around his room. There were multiple gifts that he’d received from Luo Binghe scattered around his room. Books on his shelf, fans and hair trinkets sitting on his vanity, a few robes in his wardrobe, the leer sitting on his chest. 

Everything that Luo Binghe gifted him had been carefully picked out, thought over hundreds of times by Luo Binghe to make sure they were things that Shen Yuan would certainly like. Sometimes, Shen Yuan was pretty sure Luo Binghe knew him better than he knew himself. 

He thought back to all the moments that he and Luo Binghe had shared. Back to the festival where they had watched the fireworks. He thought he had been delusional when he thought they had almost shared a kiss that night, but looking back on it with a new perspective, he was almost certain that he had been right. At that realization, he began to think back on every moment that Luo Binghe had looked at him. In every memory he checked, there was always a certain way that Binghe had looked at him.

“Oh.”

Oh.

Shen Qingqiu had a small smile as he pressed a kiss to Shen Yuan’s forehead. “Qi-ge should be here soon. I’ll ask him to help you fix yourself up after you’ve gathered your thoughts together.” He said. “Remember that Luo Binghe will be coming over for dinner tonight. I’m going to go get started on cooking, okay? And remember, you two are only fifteen. There’s no rush.”

Shen Yuan nodded, staring at the ceiling as his hand ran over the leer’s back. She let out a happy chirp, purring rumbling in her chest as Shen Yuan pet her. Which, honestly, confused Shen Yuan because normal leopards don’t purr. Eh, probably just a writing mistake by Shang Qinghua. 

He looked down at the leer, his heart softening. “I need to come up with a name for you.” He murmured at one of the many examples of the love Luo Binghe held for Shen Yuan. “I’m sorry, my mind is in such a jumble I can’t think of one right now.”

The leer simply meowed in response, not seeming to care. Shen Yuan let out a soft sigh, sinking further into his bed as he dried his face with his sleeve. Everything felt like so much right now. Him being in all these layers of robes probably didn’t help either; he should really change. 

…maybe after thinking for a little while longer. His legs still felt like jelly just from the thought of Luo Binghe loving him back. 

Luo Binghe loving him back… that really would be nice, wouldn’t it?