Chapter Text
"Here, hold still," Phillip said softly, his hand coming up to rest on the top of Trevor's head, tilting it to the side to expose the side of his neck.
"Don't do it too hard," Trevor replied and Phillip could feel his muscles tensing up in anticipation.
"I know, I know," He reassured, "Just a quick pinch."
Picking up the cylinder off of the bedside table, he lined it up with Trevor's neck.
"Breathe in," He instructed.
Trevor followed.
Phillip stuck the cylinder against Trevor's neck, listening for the click as the needle was released.
"Good," Phillip said gently, "Breathe out."
He waited for a couple of seconds before he pulled the cylinder away, rubbing his thumb over the small mark it had left behind as his other hand discarded it into the bin.
"All done," He whispered, pressing a kiss to the puncture on Trevor's neck.
This had become a daily routine for them, waking up together, Phillip doing Trevor's medication and then planning out the day ahead. Some days, however, were different and it seemed that this would be one of them.
Phillip knew it instantly from the way that Trevor had no reaction to the kiss. Pulling back he looked up to his lover, taking in the dazed and empty look in his eyes.
"Oh darling," Phillip murmured, slightly surprised at his own use of the pet name, "You're alright, take your time."
He reached up a hand, placing it on the side of Trevor's face and tilting it until he was looking at him, even if he wasn't exactly seeing anything at that moment in time.
A couple of seconds passed before Trevor blinked rapidly, eyes scanning over Phillip's face, "I blanked again, didn't I?" He murmured, mouth taking a second to cooperate.
They had started calling it 'blanking' as Trevor hated calling them seizures.
"Yeah, it was only short. You feeling alright?"
Trevor sighed, leaning his forehead against Phillip's shoulder.
"My head hurts," He admitted.
"Thought as much," Phillip replied, running his hand over Treovr's spine, "Do you wanna stay in bed today?"
"No, we've...we've gotta deal with Yates today remember?"
"Shit." Phillip cursed, he'd completely forgotten that Grant's FBI partner was going to be visiting the ops, "Okay, well, you can rest till she gets here, sit in for the debrief and then go back to bed when she's gone?"
It was an offer but Trevor knew that he would likely be coerced into doing it anyway. He wasn't going to fight it. The last thing he wanted to do was to further worry Phillip.
"I'll warn the others that you're having an off and we'll try and make it quick, okay? I can ask for them to reschedule."
"No, no, we don't need to reschedule. I'll be fine either way. I think I'm-" He paused, "Adjusting isn't the right word, I don't think I'll ever get used to this but...I'm getting better with the auras and knowing my limits."
Phillip nodded, pulling away from the hug just enough to turn his head and press a kiss to Trevor's cheek, "I'm so sorry that you have to."
"It's fine," Trevor sighed, "I'd rather it be me than any of you."
Phillip wanted to tell him how selfless he was, how they all hated that he got hurt but he knew better, choosing to say nothing.
"When are they getting here?" Trevor asked.
"In half an hour, they were planning on staying over lunch but, we can kick them out before then."
Trevor laughed, "No, no, it's fine."
Phillip carefully pulled back, "Okay, I'll talk to the others and grab you some painkillers and then we'll just relax while we wait for them to arrive."
"Sounds good," Trevor smiled, sitting himself back against the headboard of the bed.
Phillip slowly lifted himself off the edge of the bed, walking out of the room and into the main common area. Pressing two fingers to the side of his neck he spoke, "Guys? Anyone there?"
It took a second before a reply came through.
"We're here Phillip, everything alright?" Grant said.
"Trevor's having a bad day. He seems alright now and he's completely coherent but I thought I'd let you know."
"Do we need to call off the meeting?"
"No, no. He was adamant that he'd be fine."
"Alright. We'll try and keep the formal stuff fast."
"Got it."
That was all that was needed.
Carly and Marcy arrived first having driven over together and they wanted everyone to be ready before Grant arrived with Jo.
Carly had helped Phillip to set the small dining table up and pull out chairs for 6 people while Marcy checked in on Trevor who, despite reassuring her that he was fine, looked a little worse for wear.
Trevor was almost thankful for Grant's arrival as Marcy pulled him to his feet and guided him out to the main room where Grant and Jo were walking in.
"Welcome to Ops," Phillip said flatly, clearly already bored with the new person's presence.
"Thanks," Jo said, matching his monotone voice with her own and glancing nervously towards Grant.
"Come and take a seat then," He said, gesturing to the table with a hospitable smile.
Jo looked a little wary but did as she was told, pulling out a chair and lowering herself into it.
The questions were simple, a reflection of the narrow-mindedness of the 21st, and it took almost an hour less than expected to answer them all.
"Final question," She said, "Our Travelers teams often avoid our questions or respond to them with supposed protocols. What do they mean?"
"Be more specific," Grant said raising an eyebrow, "You already know that I am not at liberty to expose all of the protocols so tell me which one specifically you need to know."
"Protocol Alpha?" She said, uncertainty creeping into her voice.
Marcy nodded, "Protocol Alpha means that the mission at hand is of top priority. It means all Travelers must do everything in their power to complete it."
"Protocol 1?"
It was Phillip's turn, "Protocol 1, The mission comes first."
"Protocol 5?"
"In the absence of direction, maintain your host's life," Trevor replied, drumming his fingers lightly against the tabletop.
"Right," Jo nodded, "Good, that is all."
"Good," Grant said, "Well, we'll have some lunch and then I'll drive you back to the office."
Jo gave him a grateful smile looking back towards Marcy who began asking questions about Jo's life.
Jo didn't seem as nervous to answer them which Phillip supposed was a good thing. It meant that she was more trusting of them.
Trevor was looking exhausted already after just the small interaction and the few questions he had been asked to answer. Phillip didn't blame him, he knew just how fatigued and disconnected Trevor got on his bad days. He nudged him gently with his shoulder catching his attention, "Hey, you wanna head to bed now or do you wanna stay for lunch?"
"I'll stay," Trevor murmured, propping his head up on his hand.
Trevor had noticed that throughout the entire duration of Jo's stay, the woman had been watching him strangely. He knew that Grant had kept her up to date while he was ill so it made sense as to why she looked so worried about him. He hated it, yes, he hated being looked at and perceived as if he were some fragile, incapable child but he appreciated that she was concerned and decided not to say anything about it.
He felt Phillip slip an arm around his waist tugging his chair a little closer so that they were practically hip to hip and he lay his head on Phillip's shoulder in retaliation letting his eyes slip shut for a moment.
Marcy and Grant, who had left to grab the food, returned carrying two plates each, placing them in the centre of the table before returning to their chairs.
As Marcy passed behind Trevor, he felt her run her hand over his shoulder blades, a quiet reassurance that she was with him. Looking up towards her, she smiled down at him, pulling out her chair.
The group sat, chatting and eating for half an hour before things began to go south. Phillip had noticed the change in Trevor's attitude. Where he had previously been attempting to participate in the conversation, he was silent and withdrawn. Phillip knew he was trying to act present but struggling as he became more and more disconnected from his own body.
He didn't realise how bad it had gotten, however, until Trevor was falling against him, chin dropping forwards against his chest.
"Shit," He cursed, reaching a hand round to catch his head as his body began to convulse, "I've got you, Trevor."
Marcy was out of her chair in an instant, quickly pulling Trevor's chair away and helping Phillip to lower him to the ground as Grant carefully slid the table away to help remove things he might hurt himself on.
Phillip shrugged off his jacket, bundling it up and placing it under Trevor's head.
"What's happen-" Jo began.
Carly quickly cut her off, "Trevor's seizing. It's a permanent effect of the brain disorder."
Jo was speechless, standing nervously from her chair and watching the scene unfold.
Phillip had a single hand laid in the centre of Trevor's spine to help prevent him from flipping over onto his back, yet keeping only a small point of contact to avoid restricting him or hurting him further. Small whines and groans slipped from Trevor's throat as his muscles tensed and contracted against his will.
"Sh-sh-shh," Phillip shushed, "Alright, alright, alright, we're here Trevor."
"This is a bad one," Marcy explained grabbing a small bag off of the counter and crouching down at their side, "Trevor? Trevor, we're right here with you, alright, try and relax. We've got you."
The seizure didn't slow.
Marcy already knew that it wasn't looking good, unzipping the little, black bag she had picked up and pulling out the cylindrical needle injector.
"What is that?" Jo asked, shifting from side to side, still clearly unnerved by the situation.
"It's nothing that you don't have. It injects diazepam into his blood and stops the seizure. It's a last-ditch measure for if the seizure lasts over 5 minutes."
"Right, right."
Marcy sat by, watching as Phillip attempted to comfort Trevor despite having seemingly no effect.
"Marcy," Grant interrupted her train of thought, "Time's been hit. Inject him."
Marcy nodded slightly in acknowledgement, finding a vein in the crook of his elbow and pressing the needle into it. The effect was almost instant as Trevor's body went limp, Phillip quickly scooping him up into his arms, holding him close to his chest.
"Take him to bed, he should be resting. Give me a shout if you need me."
Phillip gave her a thumbs-up before lifting Trevor off the ground and carrying him to their shared bedroom.
"Is he gonna be okay?" A voice broke the silence that had been left in their absence.
"He'll be fine, Jo, he needs to sleep but he'll recover. He shouldn't have to but...it's Trevor." Grant sighed.
He gave no explanation as to what he meant but everyone seemed to understand it. Trevor was always strong. He shouldn't have to be. But he was.
A week passed before his next bad day.
David was occupying the hospital bed as a result of disarming the bomb. Marcy refused to leave his side, no matter what, staying in her seat at the bedside and keeping a close watch over him. Grant and Carly had tried to persuade her to leave even just for a few moments to eat or change but she wouldn't listen, praying on useless hope that the director would send a D-team to heal her lover.
The rest of the team had been taking turns to sit with David, and subsequently, Marcy to keep an eye on the both of them. Boyd was bustling around the warehouse, Marcy having called her in to ask for any spare nanites that she could take and Boyd having decided to stay when she realised Marcy was in no state to be caring for a patient.
Trevor had been watching over David and Marcy and it was almost time for him to switch out with Carly. Phillip decided that he should be the one to go over and warn him of the time, stepping around the small coffee table in the living area and walking towards the med bay.
He saw the lack of colour and slightly distant look in Trevor's eyes, a switch flipping in his brain as he realised instantly what was happening, going into protective mode.
"Hey Trevor," He said quietly, leaning on the younger boy's shoulder, "You have 5 minutes left before Carly switches in."
Trevor looked over at him slowly, "Yeah, yeah-" His voice trailed off.
Marcy looked up.
"Trevor," Phillip said, "I'm gonna hold your head up, I'm right here, okay?"
There was no response or form of acknowledgement before Trevor's upper body went limp, his head dropping forward. Phillip, still standing behind him, leaned both of his arms over his shoulders using one hand to hold up Trevor's head, the other arm baring across his chest and keeping him from falling out of his seat.
Marcy stood quickly from her chair, rounding the hospital bed and standing beside Phillip, running a hand over Trevor's back.
"I'm sorry," She said softly, "I should've noticed sooner. I think you're in for another rough night, Trev."
She didn't know whether or not Trevor could actually hear her but she hoped if he could her words would be soothing or reassuring for him.
A soft voice disrupted the quiet.
"Is he alright?"
"David!" Marcy exclaimed pulling away from Trevor and darting across the edge of the bed. Phillip watched her go.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," He reassured her, awkwardly gesturing to the situation Phillip and Trevor were in, "I'm more worried about whatever is happening there."
"Phillip can explain," Marcy said, walking away from the bed, "I'm gonna go and see if Boyd has any more pain relievers you can have."
Phillip watched her go before turning back to David. The man, despite not being a traveller himself, was aware of their status after Marcy had somewhat explained it to him. He had always been sceptical, not believing her excuse of working for the FBI as the things that she knew and the work that she did was so...different.
"He has a brain disorder," He said slowly, "We managed to create a temporary fix but he still suffered hearing loss from the decline and has seizures. Most of the time he only has absence seizures -spells in which he appears to be daydreaming or not paying attention but in reality, he's completely unresponsive - however, he still has bad days or nights in which he has bigger and more dangerous episodes."
"That's a seizure?" David asked, sounding confused.
"Yeah, I think it started atonic, in which he usually loses complete muscle tone in his head or whole body, but now it seems like a myoclonic or absence seizure. I think he's still conscious, and can probably hear us but can't move or react to anything."
"Well shit," David said sympathetically, "Does he need the bed, 'cause I'm feeling better?" He shifted over slightly, wincing as he attempted to use his burnt hands.
"I've got him, I'm gonna take him to bed when he comes out of it," Phillip reassured him, relieved as David stopped his ministrations to lie still again.
"I'm fine," Another voice startled them both.
Phillip felt Trevor lifting his head off of his hand, keeping his fingers pressed against his forehead he helped him to guide himself back upright.
"I'm all good," Trevor reiterated, giving David a sheepish look.
"Are you sure, 'cause that," He gestured towards him, "Didn't really scream alright?"
"Yeah, those seizures are the lesser of evils," He reassured, "I'm fine."
"Hey!" Marcy's voice called from the doorway, walking behind Trevor and Phillip and placing a hand on Trevor's shoulder, "Carly's on her way in, you go lie down, okay? Boyd's gonna come and check on you in a moment."
"Got it," Trevor sighed, leaning further back in Phillip's arms as Marcy injected a small amount of pain reliever into David's IV. Phillip pressed a soft kiss to the top of Trevor's head helping him to his feet.
"Are you two...together?"
Trevor froze, Phillip's grasp around his waist tightening a little.
"Sorry, that came out like I wouldn't support you if you were, which I totally would and if you're not that might have made things awkward. I have a tendency to make things awkward and then I end up rambling and- oh god I'm doing it again-."
Trevor's soft laugh cut him off, "Uh, no, it's fine. Phillip and I are dating, yes."
"Right, I just- you two... I haven't been here long but there was just something between the two of you."
Phillip could see the older man's eyes beginning to close as the medication kicked in.
He smiled, "Thank you, David. We'll come and see you later. Get some sleep."
He waited for David to lie back down fully, eyes moving to Marcy before tightening his fingers against Trevor's waist and leading him from the room.
They passed by Carly on their way out who sent them both a smile - a slightly rare occurrence - which they both returned. Phillip crossed his hand across his body, taking Trevor's closest one and interlocking their fingers, guiding him into their room and pushing him to lie down.
"Do you want me to grab you anything?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
A little surprised by the sudden push, Trevor sat himself up against the headboard and shook his head, reaching out to grab Phillip's wrist and pulling him to lie beside him with a sudden tug.
"Woah," Phillip laughed, "There are other ways to get me to sleep with you."
Trevor reached up and hit his shoulder lightly, "Shut up, you're just comfortable."
Phillip rolled his eyes playfully, "Oh, I see how it is. I'm just your pillow am I?"
"Yep," Trevor sighed, flopping down so that his head was laying on Phillip's stomach making the older let out a quiet "oof".
Phillip ran his fingers over Trever's head, scratching lightly at his scalp.
"Try and get some sleep Trev, you're going to need it."
The night was, as expected quite a mess. Trevor had several absence seizures while they talking until eventually he called it quits and actually tried to get some sleep.
For Trevor, having seizures while he slept was quite possibly the worst experience, well, that and seizing when he was still conscious. That was always terrifying. And to his absolute luck, both of those things decided to plague him that night.
Phillip didn't know when he had fallen asleep, Trevor laying over his chest and his arms wrapped protectively around him, but he was startled awake by movement. His brain was foggy, having just woken up but the noise he heard Trevor make pierced straight through his skull like a blade of clarity. "Woah, Trev, it's alright," He murmured, sitting himself up properly and gently sliding Trevor down so just his head was in his lap.
"I'm right here, Trev, you got this."
He had no idea how long his boy had been seizing but his lips were turning blue, cheeks beginning to lose colour as his body was unable to get enough oxygen. Phillip tapped against his chest, "Trevor, I need you to breathe, okay? Breathe for me."
There was no response to his voice, no breath like he had been hoping for but it wasn't entirely unexpected.
He was beginning to worry whether or not he needed to go a get Marcy or Boyd when, fortunately, the seizure began to slow, his muscles slowly untensing and relaxing.
"There you go," Phillip soothed, running a gentle hand up and down Trevor's back, crumpling his light grey-blue sleep shirt, "Relax, I've got you."
He hooked his arms under Trevor's carefully pulling him up the bed and propping him up between his legs, Trevor's back resting against his chest, his head tucked into the crook of his neck as he checked his pulse and breathing.
"Phil'" Trevor slurred, his head moving as he pressed his face against Phillip's neck.
"Yeah, I'm here Trev," He whispered, twisting his head to press a kiss to Trevor's temple, "I'm right here."
"Hurts'"
"What hurts, Trev?"
"B'ck."
"Your back hurts?"
Trevor gave a small hum of confirmation.
"Okay, I'll get you a hot water bottle or something in a minute."
"No...stay," Trevor's hand reached forward, grasping onto Phillip's arm, fingers digging into his flesh, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to reassure himself.
"Hey, hey, I won't go anywhere until you're ready."
Phillip could tell that Trevor was out of it, extremely out of it just from the tone of his voice. He knew what it meant. The episode wasn't over.
He was right, of course, he was, he knew Trevor better than anyone and when he felt Trevor's back arch against his chest, neck straining and shoulders tensing. he was somewhat ready.
"You're alright Trevor, I've got you." He murmured, letting his eyes close as he waited for the seizure to take its course.
"Phil'p?"
His head snapped up, turning to scan Trevor's face and finding with horror that his eyes were still wide open, flitting across the room fearfully.
"Okay, Trev, you're seizing but you're still conscious, I need you to take some deep breaths, alright? Try and stay calm."
"I'm trying!" He murmured through gritted teeth.
Phillip smoothed a hand across the front of his shirt, letting it come to rest on Trevor's chest, his thumb rubbing circles over his sternum.
"In..." He said, taking an overexaggerated breath for Trevor to copy, "And out..."
Trevor was trying his best to listen to Phillip. It was the best he could do to try and block out the burning pain that seared through his veins spreading across his body and numbing his hands and feet. It felt like he was sat in a freezer for hours and then lit on fire - not that he knew how that felt. It was a short seizure, thank the director, but when it was over he couldn't help but go limp again Phillip, body twinging with exhaustion. Phillip lifted him carefully, getting a better hold on him so that he wouldn't fall and for the first time that night, Trevor felt as though his thoughts were his own.
"I- I think I'm coming out of it now."
"The seizure or the whole episode?" Phillip asked cautiously.
"The whole episode," Trevor murmured, allowing his head to fall forward, resting on Philip's shoulder.
"That's good," Phillip whispered, though he was too tired to put any enthusiasm into his voice, "Do you want me to get you some painkillers or a hot water bottle, or would rather just try and sleep?"
"I think it'd be better for me to sleep," Trevor said in a matter-of-fact way.
"Alright, well, if you change your mind, just let me know."
Phillip kept a tight hold on Trevor as they both began to fall back asleep, the fear of the episode beginning to pass as pure exhaustion took over them. It was hard, yes. For Trevor to live every day worrying that his brain implant would stop working, or that there would become some new development that meant he could no longer be 'cured' or even just feeling so useless and burdening. For Phillip to watch his boyfriend suffer and for what? seemingly nothing. For the whole team to have to watch their youngest member suffer as their second youngest attempted to pick up the pieces wherever he could. It was hard. It was always going to be that way. But together, they would find a way through.
They always did.