Chapter Text
The world around Raven and Erik spun and then they were gasping awake in a bed. They looked at each other in confusion and then someone was clearing their throat. They turn to see Hank sitting up in a chair, setting a clipboard and pen to the side of him.
“I’m glad to see you two awake,” he smiles at them lightly.
“Charles?” it's the first word out of either of their mouths.
“He’s okay.” Hank states resolutely. “He’s resting. All three of you were exhausted after what happened. I took basic vitals to make sure you were all okay then we set you two up in here. Figured you’d rather not wake up in a lab” a pointed look at Erik “and that it’d be better for you two to wake up together.”
Another exchanged look and they nodded. “But Charles is okay?” Raven asked, still concerned.
“You guys saved him,” Hank says. “Emma said you healed him enough so that his mind could start rebuilding his shields. I engineered a serum that gives the professor the ability to walk but it blocks his telepathy so he doesn’t use it. Emma and I think it’ll be best if he takes monitored doses until his shields are fully functional again. After that he should be back to normal.”
Erik and Raven weren’t sure anything would really feel normal about Charles again. Not after what they’d seen. The silence was interrupted by Raven’s stomach growling. Hank revealed between the mind restoration and their nap afterward they’d been unconscious for nearly 36 hours and should probably eat.
The pair headed to the kitchen together. Despite being hungry they both sat at the table picking at their food. Their eyes flickered almost reflexively to the place next to the island where they’d talked down drunk Charles.
“We need to talk about it.” Erik finally stated.
Raven didn’t object, just cast her eyes back to her plate “where do we even start?”
“Me and Charles,” Erik cleared his throat. “Did he ever mention..?”
“No,” Raven replied swiftly then sighed, leaning on her crossed arms between herself and her plate. “But I suspected. I could tell he was different around you, happier, he was drinking less.”
“You knew about the drinking?” Erik hazard.
Raven flinched. “I didn’t know how bad it was. We were at college, everyone drank a lot.”
“Before you went to college?”
Raven took a deep breath and shook her head; her eyes began to shine with tears. “I missed so much.”
Erik reached across the table to take her hand. “We both did.”
“But I was there for it! I was in this house when she-” Raven cut off as tears slid down her cheek.
“It’s not your fault Raven.” Erik assured her. “You were a child the same as Charles” the look on her face told him she wasn’t fully convinced of her innocence.
“The shooting wasn’t yours” she said and Erik withdrew his hand sitting back in his seat. “Charles doesn’t blame you. You felt that just like I did.”
“The only reason he was in that position in the first place was because he was trying to stop me killing the humans.” Erik muttered.
“The only reason you were trying to kill the humans was because they threatened us.” Raven pointed out. “We can pass the blame all we want but it doesn’t matter. Charles doesn’t blame you. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”
Erik’s eyes flicked up to meet hers “Charles doesn’t blame you for not knowing about the abuse. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that”
Raven closed her eyes and shook her head “guess we’re both hypocrites”
Erik didn’t reply and they drifted into silence. Then they heard footsteps approaching the door. They looked up to see Charles entering; he was rubbing a hand to his head. When he looked up to see them he stopped in his tracks. It wasn’t hard to tell from the look on his face he was debating just turning around and leaving. It was a handful of seconds before he took a deep breath and came fully into the kitchen. He went straight for the tea kettle.
“I’m sorry,” it was the first thing he said and it startled both Raven and Erik. “and thank you, your actions saved my life.”
“You don’t have to be sorry Charles,” Raven told him. Her voice was soft and careful like she was still talking to one of the broken fragments of her brother.
Charles sighed and finally looked at the pair again “I- I don’t-” he took a deep breath leaning on the island. “Part of the fragmentation was compartmentalization. I don’t remember exactly what you said to the fragments in my head. Emma explained to me some of it but she had more of a baseline sense. She didn’t see any of my memories and I don’t know which ones you both had to go through to put me back together.”
He saw both their eyes flicker to a spot on the floor he followed their eyes to it. Erik cleared his throat drawing back the others attention “do you want to know?”
Charles seemed to hesitate for a minute pouring the tea while he thought about it. Finally he nodded. He leaned on the end of the island crossing his ankles in front of him rather than joining them at the table. Raven and Erik exchanged a look. Where to start?
“The first one was in the danger room.” Raven murmured. “He was- you looked ten and were in a straight jacket.”
Charles' eyes widened slightly. “The psych ward?”
The pair nodded “your memories about it were… scattered but we felt how overwhelming your powers were there. The drugs and the electroshock therapy. We saw the moment you realized they were thoughts. That’s the memory that placated that fragment” Erik explained.
Charles nodded, taking a sip of his tea. He rubbed the ceramic mug with his thumbs. “I was sent there after my powers manifested. I told my parents I was hearing voices in my head. I don't blame them for coming to the conclusion I was crazy.” Charles’ eyes were fixed on his mug; he couldn't see Erik and Raven flinch at the mention of his parents. “I was there for a year. After my step-father’s death my mother brought me back here.”
A beat of silence hung before Erik broke it. “The second fragment was in here,” he nodded to the place on the floor and Charles looked over his shoulder to where it was indicated “he was drinking, he started out at eleven, after we talked to him he turned into an older version maybe your early twenties.”
Charles shifted awkwardly on his feet and his eyes returned to his tea. “I started drinking young. It helped dull my powers before I built my shields up.” he gestured vaguely to his head with his hand. “I learned how to limit myself though. I don’t drink in excess very often anymore and never alone.” he glanced at Raven and Erik realized that had been another result of Charles' episode after his mother’s funeral.
“The next fragment was about Cuba.” Erik said before he lost the nerve to. Charles stilled and they locked eyes with each other “we saw the memory from that day though your eyes.” he swallowed around the lump in his throat “Charles I’m-”
Charles held up a hand to stop him speaking “if you saw it through my eyes then you know I don’t blame you for what happened. It was an accident Erik.”
Erik couldn’t find the words to say more against that, not with the look in Charles' eyes. “We still hurt you by leaving.” Raven spoke up and Charles turned to her “and I’m so sorry for that.” her voice was choked with emotion. They all knew going into this conversation crying was more a when then an if. Seemed Raven would be the first to do so. “You thought you were going to die and we just left you there.”
Charles nodded “I accept your apologies though I’m still sorry for not communicating better in the situation.”
“You can’t give us a pass for acting on emotion and then hold yourself guilty for it.” Erik told him.
Charles smiled weakly looking down into his mug again “a fair point. So perhaps it’s best to leave it all behind with that?” he looked back at them and they could all agree to that. There was another pause of silence. Neither Raven or Erik wanted to take the lead on the next discussion, the next several discussions really but they needed to talk about it. Charles deserved to know what had been revealed to them. His privacy had already been violated; he deserved to know how badly. “The next fragment?”
“He was the youngest.” Erik finally said he was looking at Raven needing the support “maybe six or seven standing in the lake up to his ankles. He- he held your memories of physical abuse at the hands of your family.”
Charles sucked in a sharp breath and shifted on his feet. Raven and Erik looked at him and didn’t fail to notice he was now holding the mug in one hand and using the other to fiddle with his watch. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” he murmured.
“Charles I’m sorry you had to live it.” Raven exclaimed. “Everytime we saw a memory the bruises would appear on that little boy on you and it was what they did to you-” Raven cut off with a fresh wave of tears.
Charles sat his mug down behind him and extended his arms to his sister. She immediately jumped to her feet entering the embrace. After a moment her sobs quieted. “I should be the one comforting you.” she mumbled into his shoulder.
Charles took on a bittersweet smile over her shoulder “I’ve had a long time to come to terms and process that pain. It’s all fresh to you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly.
“Kurt was dead and Cain was in prison long before you arrived. I didn’t want you to see the darkness in your new home.” Charles explained.
Raven pulled back “you don’t have to protect me from everything Charles” she told him hands on his shoulders “I’m your sister. I can support you. I would have supported you.”
Charles nodded, biting back his own tears now. “I know that now and I’m sorry.”
They pulled away from each other but remained standing. Charles returned to fiddling with his watch. This time he noticed the eyes tracking the movement. He pulled his hands apart and looked between the two with a questioning gaze.
“The next fragment, he showed us the memory about how you got the watch.” Erik offered carefully.
Charles’ eyes widened looking at the watch on his arm. “Oh I don’t- I’m not-” he took a breath with a huff looking between them “I don’t just mess with it when I want to hurt myself. It’s become a nervous habit.”
“But you still have to use it sometimes for that don’t you?” Erik prompted.
Charles didn’t answer but the way he bit his lip and looked away were answer enough. “Oh Charles,” Raven sighed.
“The fragment that showed you that memory. What else- what was its focus?” Charles asked, eyes on the floor.
“Self harm and suicide,” Erik ground out, his throat was choking with emotion.
“Both of you know about my attempt to end my life.” Charles nearly whispers.
“Attempts.” Erik corrects with a little more anger than he meant, getting to his feet, Charles flinches. Still he continues “that fragment was trying to jump off the roof. Four times Charles and the last-” they hadn’t seen the memory of the last but felt it in the fragment from Cuba that same empty feeling that had been in the fragment on the roof.
Charles bowed his head gripping the watch “Hank stopped me before I could do any real damage to myself.” he explained “I wasn’t in my right mind after- after my loss.” he didn’t specify which loss he didn’t need to it was all of it that affected him. Raven and Erik knew their leaving had driven him to want to die and the guilt ate at them. “I’m not in that same place anymore.” Charles continued more confidently. “I’m taking better care of myself, putting my focus elsewhere.” he looked specifically to Raven “I intend to keep my promise.”
Her confidence in him was rattled but she nodded, making herself believe him. “Lark told you to come to him when it got too much,” Erik voiced, he exchanged a look with Raven for confirmation “now I want you to do the same with us. If it gets too much, find one of us. Don’t leave us.”
Charles swallowed and nodded “okay. Thank you.” he murmured.
“Of course Charles. You do the same for us.” Raven told him lightly. They exchanged a light smile and the conversation lulled.
Even without his telepathy Charles could obviously sense both Erik and Raven’s hesitance “Emma said there were seven fragments. What of the other two” he asked lightly.
Erik and Raven exchanged a look “they were together.” she started carefully when Erik’s words failed him “they- they were in the study.”
Charles swallowed thickly looking between them with worried eyes. Erik managed to pick up the explanation “They were- one looked like you but was covered in handprints where people in the past had… touched you” the way he hesitated on the word let Charles know exactly what kind of touch Erik was referring to. “The other started out looking like you but it changed…” he took a deep breath looking into the telepath's eyes “into you mother.”
Charles made a bit of choked noise. His eyes flicked between the pair. “Charles,” Raven said again in her soft voice “we saw what she did to you we know she… molested you.”
“No.” Charles said sharply and he started shaking a little “she didn- I could have- I never-”
“Just because you didn’t say no doesn’t mean she didn’t rape you. It doesn’t mean you consented to any of them touching you.” Erik stated sharply.
Charles looked up at him and there were tears in both their eyes. “I should have stopped them. Stopped her. I just- she never-”
“I know liebling I know she made you feel like that was the only way you could be loved.” Erik’s voice was soft, “but it’s not true. What she did- what they all did was wrong and none of it was your fault.”
Tears were streaking down Charles' faces and he brought hands to his eyes as he shook with silent sobs. “Can I hug you?” Raven asked softly. Charles paused for a moment before nodding and the siblings wrapped each other in another embrace. Erik hesitated in joining until Charles' hand reached out and snagged the front of his shirt tugging lightly. Erik didn’t hesitate before wrapping them both in his large arms and holding Charles firmly to his chest.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours. No one came in and Erik suspected they knew well enough to read the room. Either that or there was some interference from Emma and/or Hank.
Eventually they pulled apart and after another of their three stomachs rumbled they finally ate the food they needed. Conversation was stilted and awkward at first. The weight of what they had just experienced sat heavily upon them. Then there was an explosion outside followed by Hank, Darwin, and Moira dashing past them heading outside telling them they could handle this and not to worry.
This brought some laughter and light smiles to the situation and Charles muttered about the never ending trials of being a caretaker of young mutants. The brotherhood stayed. It was unspoken at first a simple agreement that Erik and Raven were not going to be leaving Charles again. The rest of the brotherhood seemed to have little qualms with this new arrangement by the time the words were actually spoken. They’d been staying there for two weeks.
It was peaceful and it was content and it was a natural rhythm they hadn’t realized they’d missed. It was family and it was theirs and Charles felt whole.