Chapter Text

SIMON

For a moment—for a long moment, we're all speechless. Time drags as the weight of Shep's confession settles down on us, heavy enough to suffocate. I drag in a breath of air and suddenly, they're all talking at once. My wings flap a little behind me, almost like they're shrugging (Unimpressed and somehow unsurprised, I guess).

“Are you mental? Y—you're not right in the head, why would you have that? Why would you just tuck it away in a kitchen, you fucking lunatic?” If Baz's flaring nostrils are any indication, Shepard may find himself slammed against the wall again. I immediately look away from Baz as I feel his gaze flit toward me.

“Batteries,” I whisper to no one and I don't think anyone hears me, anyway. Except for Baz, maybe. In a flash, his brows knit together in anger—then, in worry. He's so careful to cool his expression after another quick glance at me. I continue to avoid letting our eyes meet. Once they lock, I have to admit the truth.

A string of apologies spill from Penny's mouth, her eyes already wet with tears. She's standing in front of me, her fingers gentle where they rest on my elbow. Her voice sounds sort of distant and seems to echo in my ears. She interrupts herself several times to turn to Shepard and ask different variations of, “How could you bring that into our home? We trusted you, Shep. I trusted you!”

I stare past him, not catching any of his excuses while his mouth just keeps moving and moving. He manages to pull me back into the conversation when I hear the word, “Giant.” And something about a mermaid? The collar of his jumper is torn where Baz had grabbed it earlier. I decide to study the texture of the fabric harder, feeling my boyfriend peer over me once more. Not yet, the tightening of my jaw should tell him. I need—

Batteries, I think again sourly. All this for batteries.

“This,” I mumble. It sinks in, slowly.

I guess this will teach me not to go through another man's junk drawer (I think that's what he called it. Shep just said a lot of weird words, including “fertility amulet”). I talk over Penny's demand for a better explanation. I hold up a hand and start counting off: “Wings, tail, no magic, immune to magic, cursed pregnancy.” I can't not laugh, come on. I nod at Baz, finally allowing myself exchange a look with him. He's concerned. I'm still thinking about batteries. “You sure hit the jackpot, mate.”

Impossibly, he looks more pale than usual. “Circe, we're going to have a winged half-vampire offspring.” The upward inflection in his tone makes it seem like he meant to ask a question. He then looks slightly puzzled, but shakes the look way to get back to glaring at Shep.

Shepard shuffles his feet, all he can really do is focus on the hole in one of his socks. His big toe is peeking out. He keeps biting his lower lip, rolling it under his top teeth. “The amulet also increases the chance of multiples,” he adds unnecessarily like he is gunning for a row.

I might throw up again. “Multiple what?” I ask as Penelope snaps, “What?” and a flat “What?” escapes from Baz.

My tail won't stop twitching. I sit down on the sofa, resting my elbows over my knees as I hunch over my lap. Batteries. Cursed amulet. Litter of winged half-vampire babies. I shake my head, “No. Maybe it's something else. Maybe I'm not—” I can't say it. “We don't know,” I insist and try for denial instead. “We don't,” I say again, but more quiet.

Shep is too dubious to buy it. “Didn't you say your body like... Glowed?” Shut up, Shep.

Baz is watching me, his face unreadable. “Full body shimmer,” he confirms monotonously. I want to joke, “What, does everyone else's skin not sparkle after sex?” I swallow back the words, instead thinking about how I still had been straddling Baz's hips when it happened, when I lit up our living room. It was brief, lasted seconds (The literal post-coital glowing, not the orgasm).

“Is there anything else that could cause that? Your magic returning, maybe?” Penny's inquiry almost sounds like a plea. Her tone is desperate: Please don't tell me my boyfriend could ever be responsible for...

“This,” I mumble again. My mouth feels dry. Baz seems annoyed by her question and Shep squirms, growing even more embarrassed.

I can't help it and laugh again. “This” is ridiculous, “this” isn't real—it's not biologically possible. My mind spins like a record. Batteries, junk drawer, amulet. I recall accidentally opening a metal locket I found under a tangled mess of charging cables, my finger getting pricked by—something? I sucked on the tip of my pointer finger, not thinking anything of it. Oval, inscribed so intricately with letters I couldn't make out (I mean, I'm not gonna say I looked closely). A knot forms in my throat. “This isn't happening,” I decide as if that's that. “I'm immune to magic,” I repeat as if it matters.

There's a dip in the cushion next to me as Baz slowly lowers himself down, my last name a soft utter from his lips. He places an opened palm on my lower back, his touch too gentle. The coldness of his skin is quick to sink through my thin t-shirt (it's comforting and I find myself leaning into him).

Shep talks over what Baz has to say to me to advise, “It's not magic magic.”

I nod and say, “I'm cursed.” Because of batteries. Baz grows tense against me.

“This isn't supposed to be a curse, it's supposed to be... Magickal. But it's a bit more than that, right? Look, a spell wasn't cast on you.” Shepard's eyes fall on Penny as he asks, “But maybe there's a way to reverse this?”

My hand itches for my sword. “Oi, Shep, very good. It's called an abortion.” My dragon wings flap again, less casually and more aggressively this time. Baz scoots in closer to hook an arm around me. It's a little awkward with my wings fluttering lightly in short beats. He's trying to console me, but I don't know if it's what I want right now. The air is awfully thin in here (probably because Shepard's big mouth is sucking it all in).

Penny kneels down in front of me, promising to “research the hell out of this.” She's trying not to cry and it breaks my heart. I'm too crowded and move to stand up, but I'm jerked back a little and get nearly knocked off balance from my tail coiling around Baz's forearm. Penelope loops an arm through mine. “Si, I'm... so, so sorry. I'm going to figure this out.”

“This,” I echo numbly at the same time as Baz.

“—is dangerous, this is very dangerous.” The anger has come back up to the surface. I don't blame it, him. His feelings are valid and he's as involved in this as I am, unless—Baz is upright in a flash, about to leap over the coffee table separating the two of them. I'm not in the mood, I don't want to him rip off a part of Shep's face. My tail agrees with me and pulls—yanks him toward me. Baz starts to say my name—no, snap my name, but stops and refocuses on his original target. “Why do you have it? We need answers, now.” He turns his head toward Penelope, but doesn't look at her. “They don't belong in our world for a reason, do you understand now?”

Penny is obviously speechless, her face crumples. No, no, no. Their voices start sounding faraway again as they bicker. I have to force out an exhale, my chest feeling—tight? Pressure, heavy. When I'm able to manage to take in a breath of air, it's noisy, like a gasp. It shuts the three of them up. I know not to let the silence linger again.

I don't mean to wail. “I only wanted batteries for the clicker!” I sound pathetic, like an absolute nutter. I cover both hands over my mouth to stifle more mirthless laughter. A cool pair of arms encircle around me in an embrace. So gentle still, it's irritating. Though it only makes me choke on a laugh when I realize Baz must think my shoulders are shaking from silent sobs. Merlin, no.

“Simon,” he whispers into my hair as he lightly rubs circles into my lower back. I tuck my face into his shoulder to hide my eye roll. “You've done enough,” he seethes at Shep when he takes a step forward and tries to console my misread maniacal fits. I'm losing it, I've lost it.

“Penny and I are engaged!” Shepard then bursts out.

Penelope looks bewildered at why he would announce that now. “Shep!”

He's desperate. “Listen, listen to me. You know what comes after an engagement?”

I raise my head, eerily calm all of a sudden. I sniff and guess, “Marriage?”

“No—well, yes. That isn't my point, my point is we wanted—want to settle down, get married. Have kids.” He starts pacing and continues talking, words tumbling out at a rapid pace. “But I promised my firstborn away, I can't do that to Penny! When I found out that the amulet blesses literally anyone, any specific, any gender, with the gift of fertility, I thought maybe I—I could have a practice baby to, you know. Pay off my debts.” His speech slowed down considerably near the end 'cause he probably heard what he was saying.

It happens yet again: We're too shocked to say anything.

I sigh out a breathless “Great snakes” as Penelope emits a horrified, “Shep—Shep, no.” Baz says nothing (verbally, anyway). His mouth is a little slack after he mouths, “Practice baby?” He starts saying, “How—”

I nudge Baz in the side with the spade of my tail. “I'm beginning to feel like the right finger got poked.” The bloke admitted he traded something (he wouldn't say what) for a magical amulet to get pregnant so he could give give it away. That's a bit unhinged.

“Snow, no.” Okay, too soon. My tail pokes him again, anyway. He's ready to snap and I don't think I can do anything about it.

“Correct me if I'm wrong: Your plan was to have a baby yourself... Just to give it away to an imp, Shepard?” Penny's squinting at her fiance like she can barely recognize him.

He winces. “It was an idea, but now the juju is gone.” He gestures at me. “The amulet only works once before it has to get, like, re—I don't know, re-blessed? But hey, I know this is all super sus, but I swear it's not a curse, or at least it's not a bad one, it's supposed to be a good curse.”

Oh, no.

The movement is a blur. Baz is no longer crowding me, he's grabbed the front of Shep's shirt again. “Oh, it's a blessing? Simon has possibly been impregnated without his consent. That is hardly a blessing, ya bumbling prat!”

“Well, technically, you—” Baz's eyes widened before sharply narrowing and he comes close to shoving Shepard through the wall behind him.

Penny stomps a foot. “Enough! Shep, enough.”

“This,” I mumble, my head spinning. “This” was done without Baz's consent, too. I stumble back and I about collapse when I try to sit down on the sofa. I'm vaguely aware of Penny calling out my name. I close my eyes, squeeze them shut. To steady myself, I reach out blindly to grip the arm of the sofa. Instead my hand comes in contact with—Baz. He's beside me now, again. I push at him and try to look away. “What am I going to do?”

“We,” he says oh so firmly. He lifts up an arm and the backs of the fingers on one hand caress my forehead, my cheek, my jaw. I think about nipping at his hand (lovingly, obviously), it's a fleeting thought that almost makes me smile. “We are going to do research. A lot, lot... lot of research. There are a lot of unknowns here, Simon.” He's wary, I get it.

“And we'll figure them out,” Penelope vows. It's not surprising how quickly she's so certain of herself, already full of determination. “We will. If I can summon and negotiate with a demon to lift Shep's curse, I can figure out a way to—do whatever it is you choose to do.”

“Yes,” Shep also agrees. “Yes, we will. We're all in this together, right?”

Oh—oh, no. Today has been exhausting and I don't think I can hold back the two of them.

I slump against Baz before he can shoot across the room to finish off the Normal and croak, “There weren't even any batteries in the drawer.” I can feel my wings quiver (as if they're also upset by the lack of batteries where I was told they'd be). He huffs a sigh into my hair, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“We're leaving,” Baz announces after one more kiss. “And we're not coming back as long as the Normal is here. Crowley knows what other magical objects are hidden, ready to curse the unsuspecting.” Shepard gapes at the comment, looking offended until a glare from Penny wipes the look off his face.

Before we're out the door, I hear him growl, “Don't you think for a fucking moment that I'm done with you.”

“Baz, please.” Penelope hands him the umbrella we came with (I don't know where she pulled it out of). As I draw my wings close to my back to slip on a coat, I realize I don't even remember one thing we discussed on our way over. I think I knew then, I think part of me knew as soon as a shimmery glow spread over my naked body—warm, tingly. It tickled. It faded away in ripples as quickly as it appeared (Huh. That was new, was my initial reaction. Followed by me asking, to be sure: "You saw that too, right?"). “I'll deal with him.”

It doesn't surprise me, what he says next. The barely concealed emotion in his voice does has my stomach churning. Rage has replaced his anger and he's trying to tuck it away—for me. It's unbelievable what a Normal can get his hands on. “If you don't, I will.”

“I'm sorry,” she calls out to us as if we're not standing several feet in front of her still, pausing to slip on our shoes. “I really am.”

I can't find one of my trainers until Baz taps me on the shoulder. I follow the direction of his pointed stare and see that it's being held in the air behind me by my damn tail. I scowl at the sight. “Give me that!” It's released only when Baz reaches for it.

“Snow—” Baz starts to say, minutes later as we're walking down the steps leading up to Penny's flat. My heart twists in my chest, I can't. “I—”

I shake my head. “I hate batteries,” I say too loudly. Not now, please. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Jeans. My brain decides to fixate on that and Baz must notice, he snorts. Now it's his turn to give his head a shake.

“Come along, Snow.” As we toward his aunt's car that we've been borrowing, he pauses. “What in the bloody hell is a junk drawer?”