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“Fuck me,” Remus whispered, grimacing at the sharp pain in his shoulder.
He stretched his arms over his head, letting out a strained groan. Every joint in his body popped and cracked with the movement. He winced as he wrenched his head one direction and then the other, attempting to remove the stiffness from a long study session. Revising for NEWTs might just kill him after all.
A frustrated huff caught his attention. Someone was in the stacks, probably another tired 7th year. Everyone was on edge at the moment. With NEWTs and OWLs only a month away, the majority of fifth and seventh years were in some level of panic.
He glanced around the library, noting every other table was filled with students. Most chose to work in groups, split up the work, and share notes. Remus should have joined them, but it was too late now. He’d hoped his friends would see his devotion to his studies and be equally inspired. A foolish thought in retrospect.
Rubbing a sore spot on his shoulder, Remus tried to remember what time he’d eaten last. Normally, one of the lads brought him a snack if he missed a meal, but he hadn’t seen any of them all day. He scrunched up his nose as his stomach grumbled angrily. Best take a break before it disturbed the entire library. The last thing he needed was everyone staring at him again, he got enough of that already.
Remus gathered his books, parchment, and quills. He tucked everything into his bag and stood up, ruffling his curls distractedly. Dinner would start soon, he should probably head straight to the Great Hall and take advantage of a big meal. Full moon was a week away and he would need strength.
A shuffling sound drew his attention back to the stacks again. Discreetly, he lifted his chin and sniffed the air. Sirius? Why didn’t he join Remus at the table?
He swivelled on his heel and walked toward the stacks, his best friend’s scent drawing him in. Admittedly, he was curious why Sirius was here if he didn’t intend to study. As he stepped into the aisle, Sirius jumped back in surprise, hands flailing.
“Whoa! Are you alright?” Remus asked, reaching out to grip his shoulder and steady him. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Fine. Great. Just…grand,” Sirius said, panic washing over his face. “And you?”
Remus eyed him warily, then shrugged, “Hungry.”
Sirius’s mouth opened and closed twice with no sound escaping. He stared at Remus with wide eyes and then sprinted out of the library. Startled, Remus stepped back and watched him leave.
“What the fuck is-“
“Shhh!” the librarian hissed at him, her brows furrowed angrily.
He held his hands up and aimed an apologetic look at her. When Remus reached the hallway, there was no sign of Sirius anywhere. He could still smell a trace of him, but that was about it.
“Hey Moony!” James called out, waving from the other end of the hall. “Come on! Dinner starts in five.”
Remus nodded, jogging lightly to catch up with him. At least James seemed to be acting normal. As he slowed to a walk beside him, he noticed James's eyes darting back to the library at least twice more. He glanced back, but couldn’t see any reason for it.
“If you’re looking for Sirius, he bolted out of there just before I left,” he advised. “After acting like a twat, of course.”
“Hmm? No. No, I’m not looking for anyone,” James denied, grimacing a little too hard considering.
Blinking rapidly, he mentally corrected himself. Nope, both of them are acting strangely. Great.
“Whatever, I’m starving. Let’s go,” Remus muttered, turning toward the Great Hall.
James followed him, although he seemed reluctant to take his eyes off of the library. Every few steps, he looked back over his shoulder. “Busy in there today?” he said, nodding his head toward the doors.
“Of course. Bloody packed with nervous energy and sweaty panic,” Remus grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Won’t be able to stand it in a few days, so I’m trying to absorb as much as I can now.”
“Right, that makes sense,” James agreed, offering him a small smile. “I bet that annoys the piss out of you. So many people invading your hiding spot.”
Remus snorted a laugh, “Yes, yes it does.”
A deep sigh rolled free of James’s chest, “Yeah. You’re not the only one.”
“You don’t hide in the library? What are you on about?”
“Nothing, nevermind.”
James was rarely evasive, which set off Remus’s suspicions immediately. He threw out an arm across his friend’s chest and stopped him abruptly. Pointing a finger in his face, Remus narrowed his eyes, “Who are you talking about then? No denying it. You were waiting for someone.”
Shaking his head, James dropped his gaze to the ground, “No, I swear! Just that…I don’t know.”
“You don’t know who you were waiting for?” Remus asked, tilting his head to the side.
The look of pure misery that crossed James’s face took Remus by surprise. James was a literal ball of sunshine. Even when Lily told him off for flirting, he walked away with a grin. Whatever this was looked…serious.
“James?” he prompted.
“Yeah?” he replied, looking around vaguely. James met Remus’s eyes, then leaned back against the wall. “I just kind of find…someone…interesting, but they don’t…” he paused, glancing back at the library. “It’s like it was with Lily, but worse. So much worse, Remus. I think this one actually hates me.”
Remus arched an eyebrow, “No one really hates you, James. Well, except Snape maybe.” Suddenly, Remus’s face paled, “It’s not Snape, right?”
“What? No! Fuck off!” James snapped, shoving his shoulder.
“Just checking! I can’t think of anyone else that hates you-”
“Couldn’t control yourself, could you?” said a cold, flat voice behind them.
James’s head snapped to the side and he immediately bit down hard on his lip. After a long, uncomfortable silence, he lifted his hand to wave hesitantly. “Hi, Regulus.”
The bloke glared back at him, making no attempt to return, or acknowledge, the wave. With stone cold eyes, Regulus stared James down. Intimidating as fuck for a 6th year. He was every bit as attractive as his brother, but Regulus was waspish and mean where Sirius was jovial and mischievous. They couldn’t be more opposite if they tried.
“I told you not to follow me,” Regulus said, fury building in his face.
“I wasn’t! I was waiting for Remus!” James defended, prodding Remus’s side. “Right? Tell him! We were headed to dinner right now.” He turned to Remus with a desperate plea in his eyes.
Remus barely contained his reaction to that revelation. He just managed a curt nod and hum of agreement in his attempt to hold it together. In his head, the swirl of amusement, disbelief, and pure shock battled it out for priority. The mere thought that James was interested in the one Slytherin even he wouldn’t mess with unsettled him. How had he missed that?
Regulus narrowed his eyes at Remus, then turned back to James. “Good. I’m tired of seeing your face every time I turn around, Potter. Just piss off,” he huffed. Spinning around, Regulus stalked off toward the Great Hall, hands fisted at his sides.
Letting out a soft groan, James slid down the wall to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and dropped his head forward. "Fuck me. He's so pretty," James groused.
Remus frowned, then dropped down to the floor in front of him. Tapping James’s hand, he leaned down to meet his eyes. “Why does he hate you so much? That was a visceral anger he reacted with just now. Did you do something to him?”
“I…might have seen that he was in the Astronomy Tower on the map one night and snuck out to see him,” James admitted, pushing his glasses up on his forehead. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, “I just wanted to talk to him, without all the other Slytherins around. See if he…found me interesting too.”
“Oh, James,” Remus sighed, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “I don’t think it’s the other Slytherins that you should have been concerned about. I think it’s his brother.”
James dropped his glasses back down on his nose and peered through them owlishly. “Sirius? What does he have to do with it?” he asked, clearly confused. “Why would he care about-”
“You stole Sirius away from him,” Remus pointed out. “Don’t you think he remembers that?”
His face fell so fast Remus thought he was going to pass out. The confusion morphed into a deep, heart-wrenching sadness in a matter of seconds. “He thinks that? Regulus thinks I stole Sirius away?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Devastation was plastered to his face and his hands gripped his knees tight. “I didn’t mean to though! Sirius needed help, he was hurt and…and…oh gods.”
“I know, I know,” Remus said, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s probably best to leave it, mate.”
“Right. You’re…right.” James sounded utterly defeated.
*****
All through dinner, Remus watched James push food around his plate and try to ignore the angry glare from the Slytherin table. Next to him, Sirius was just as quiet, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. The entire Gryffindor table noticed the unusually quiet 7th year section and whispered behind their hands. From what Remus could gather, they thought the two had a falling out. If only.
“What’s going on?” Peter whispered, nudging Remus’s arm.
Remus shook his head and shrugged, “No idea.” Even if he knew James’s side of things, he still wasn’t sure why Sirius was acting so strangely. Besides, he didn’t know if James wanted anyone else to know about his ‘interest’.
The solemn mood continued all evening, even when Marlene and Mary started an impromptu party to celebrate Lily’s birthday. James offered her a quiet ‘Happy Birthday’ before slinking off to the dorm. She stared after him in confusion, then shrugged. Sirius stayed at the party at least, but he spent the entire night downing as much alcohol as he could hold. Remus only drank a few, concerned that one or the other would do something stupid.
“Hey, Remus,” Lily called, waving him over.
He settled in next to her on the floor next to the sofa and watched Mary plait her hair. “Hey Lils, enjoying your party?”
“Of course!” she gushed, her cheeks already pink from the alcohol. “The girls did such a good job!”
Remus grinned, “They definitely did.”
“Anyway, did you want to join our study group? I saw you were by yourself today, but I didn’t want to disturb you,” she offered, touching his arm. “We could use a fourth and you’re so good at Defence spells.”
“Sure,” he agreed, leaning closer. “I was hoping to coerce the lads to join me, but they’ve avoided the library like the books have teeth.”
She giggled, patting his arm affectionately, “Never knew you were an optimist.”
“Delusional, you mean,” Mary chimed in, laughing softly.
Lily collapsed against his shoulder with a fit of giggles, completely pissed. She wrapped her arms around his bicep and shook with mirth. Above her, Mary patted her head fondly and rolled her eyes. “Cute when she’s drunk, isn’t she?”
“Adorable,” Remus agreed, winking at Mary conspiratorially.
A hand gripped his shoulder then, startling him. Sirius was standing over him with a deep scowl on his face. Remus lifted his eyebrows in question, but Sirius didn’t seem to notice. He swayed slightly on his feet, blinking his eyes in and out of focus.
“Hey, you alright?”
“I need to talk to you,” Sirius replied, scowl deepening. “Alone.”
Remus glanced at Lily, then back at Sirius, “Why?”
“It’s important,” Sirius huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Can’t wait until tomorrow?”
“No.”
Inhaling deeply, Remus rolled his eyes. He lifted Lily from his shoulder and unravelled her hands from his arm. By the time he’d hauled himself to his feet, Sirius was walking away. Remus hurried to follow him, equal parts annoyed and curious. It was rare for Sirius to seek him out anymore. They were very close for a long time, then Sirius started pulling away after he moved to the Potters. Remus tried to give him space.
Sirius ducked into the study alcove under the stairs, then began pacing in the small space. As Remus followed him inside, he dropped onto the bench. There was no reason for all of this secrecy, even if it was about a prank. They’d talked pretty openly in the Common Room in the past and no one cared.
“What’s with the pacing?” he asked, eyes following Sirius from wall to wall.
“It’s really bloody important that I get it right,” Sirius replied, hands gripping the roots of his hair.
Remus frowned, “Get what right?”
“I want…do you ever think…I mean…fuck,” Sirius stammered, dropping his shoulders in frustration. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Why is it so bloody easy with girls, but not…” Sirius said aloud to himself. He closed his eyes and turned toward the wall, tapping his forehead against it harshly.
Remus stuck his hand out between Sirius and the wall, creating a barrier between the two. This seemed to agitate Sirius further. He swatted at Remus’s arm twice, but then left his hand resting on his wrist. After a full minute, Sirius’s fingers circled his arm as he lifted his head to meet Remus’s eyes.
“Do you fancy anyone, Remus? Like…Lily or Mary?” he asked, brows furrowed.
“Why does that matter?”
“Please just…answer the question,” Sirius insisted.
Letting out an exasperated huff, Remus shook his hand off. “That’s none of your business.”
“Yeah, but I have to know!”
“Why do you care? James says he’s moved on from Lily anyway,” Remus replied.
“Wait, he said that?” Sirius demanded, eyes widening comically. His eyebrows wriggled strangely as he processed that information.
Remus snorted a laugh and reached out toward him to press his thumbs against Sirius’s brows. “Stop that, you look absurd. Just relax your face.”
Sirius froze, staring up at him as if he’d held a wand to his head with a threat to Avada him. A sudden unspoken plea in his eyes grew intense, but Remus had no idea what he was asking from him. They stood caught in the moment like flies paralysed in a web. Neither spoke, gaze locked on each other. Remus felt his cheeks flush at the intimacy of the moment. He didn’t allow himself to come this close to Sirius usually.
His hands slid down the sides of Sirius’s face, cupping his jaw of their own accord. A longing he’d pushed aside for years burned in his chest. It would be so easy. Sirius was right there. A few inches more and their lips would touch.
Then Sirius leaned forward, and Remus caught a whiff of the alcohol on his breath. He lurched back instinctively, pushing Sirius away. “What are you doing?” he breathed out, shaking his head.
“Don’t…don’t do that,” Sirius stammered anxiously. His fingers wrapped around Remus’s wrists and lifted them back to his face. “Please? Kiss me.”
Remus blinked violently, his brain unable to process that sentence. In what world did Sirius want to kiss him? That didn’t make any sense. He was drunk, that’s all it was. “What? No. Sirius, it’s me. You’re just pissed. You don’t know what you’re saying. That’s not-” Remus insisted.
He was quickly cut off by Sirius jerking forward and pressing his lips to Remus’s. The kiss was sloppy and tasted like firewhiskey and cigarettes. Remus pushed back at first, startled by the abrupt snog, but then the kiss changed. Sirius leaned into his chest and wrapped his arms around Remus’s neck. He teased his tongue along Remus’s bottom lip before nipping at it.
“Oh,” Remus breathed out, giving in far too quickly.
His mind was running a million miles a second before it shut off completely. No thoughts, no questions, no panic. Just Sirius. Sirius and his soft lips that coaxed Remus’s open, his warm hands sliding up into Remus’s hair, and his heart beating wildly in his chest. That was all the encouragement he needed.
Unable to stop himself, Remus quickly took control of the kiss. He leaned Sirius into the wall and pressed open-mouthed kisses along his jaw and down his throat. Sirius moaned in his ear, throwing his head back against the wall. Everything happened so quickly. Remus used his knee to spread Sirius’s thighs open and then swallowed his delighted gasp. Sirius’s hands slid under his jumper to touch his bare skin, spreading warmth in their wake. It was so intense all at once, Remus’s every nerve was on fire.
“Yes, fucking finally!” Sirius gasped, scraping his nails up Remus’s back.
The words, or his nails, unlodged whatever blocked his brain’s synapses and Remus pulled away. His hands flew out in front of him in surrender. “Oh gods. I didn’t think…I mean…you’re pissed and…I’m not. I shouldn’t have…” he stuttered, burying both hands in his curls and tugging hard. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”
“No! Don’t stop!” Sirius demanded, reaching out for him. “Come b-back, Moony.”
Remus backed out of the alcove, shaking his head virulently. He’d fucked up. Oh, this was bad. Sirius was so pissed he could barely walk straight. Fuck.
He swivelled on his heel and bolted through the Common Room, then took the stairs up to the dorm three at a time. When he reached the dorm, he threw open the door and rushed into the loo. Remus slammed the loo door closed and whirled around, cranking on the cold water in the shower. Fully dressed, he climbed in and let the water rush over him. The shock of ice cold water on his heated skin made him shiver involuntarily.
“Fuck!” Remus shouted, slamming his fist in the wall. He was furious with himself. Not only had he crossed a line he’d promised himself he’d never cross with one of his best friends, but he’d taken advantage of Sirius’s inebriated state too. “Oh gods. Oh gods. Oh no…” he trailed off, slumping to the floor.
A loud thud landed against the door, “M-Moony? Get out here. Now! Open the door!” Sirius slurred his words and drunkenly fought with the door handle Remus hadn’t even bothered to lock.
“What’s going on?” James asked. He sounded groggy, like he’d fallen asleep.
“Open this bloody d-door!” Sirius shouted, still rattling the door handle. “Now!”
James knocked instead, “Remus? You alright?”
Remus didn’t answer. He’d pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his hands. The shame that coursed through him made his face throb with heat. When Sirius realised what happened, he’d hate him for it. Justifiably too.
“No, Pads! Don’t…it’s not even…give me that wand…you absolute twat!” James argued, struggling with Sirius.
Suddenly, a loud bang sent the door flying off of its hinges and crashing into the loo. Sirius stood there with his wand out, eyes wild, and fury written all over his face. Remus felt his heart sink deep into his chest and braced himself for a curse. He deserved it. Whatever Sirius wanted to punish him with, he’d take it and never complain.
“Pads! What the fuck are you-” James chastised, wrenching Sirius’s wand from his hand.
Sirius didn’t fight him, lunging into the loo instead. He was on Remus in an instant, standing in the spray of the shower, fingers gripping his curls to force his head up. When Remus reluctantly met his gaze, Sirius glared back at him. His pupils were fully dilated and his heart was pounding against his chest. He was livid.
“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered, pressing his palms to his burning cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Sirius.”
“You should be!” Sirius shouted. “How dare you!”
James waved his hands from the doorway, “What is going on? Why are you yelling at Remus?” It took him a full minute to take in the scene before he spluttered, “Why are you in the shower fully dressed?”
“D-Don’t you ever…never…ever do that again!” Sirius slurred, pointing at Remus’s face with an accusatory finger.
Remus closed his eyes and dropped his chin to his chest. It didn’t matter that Sirius started it, that he’d asked for a kiss, then took it anyway. He could have pushed him away and ended things right away. That would have been the honourable thing to do. Not encourage him and take it even further.
“Hold on, Pads. What happened?” James asked calmly, dislodging Sirius’s hand from Remus’s hair. Once Remus was free, James reached around Sirius to turn off the water. “Explain.”
“He…He…He…” Sirius huffed at his inability to speak. “He…k-kissed me…then ran off.”
James’s mouth dropped open and his eyes bulged behind his glasses. Flailing around limply with one hand, he swallowed several times in an attempt to reign himself in. “Why?” he gasped out finally, staring at Remus. “Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know! Fuck,” Remus cursed, throwing his head back against the shower wall. A sharp pain rushed through the back of his head as he grimaced. “It was stupid, I know.”
“Ex-Exactly!” Sirius exclaimed, crouching down in front of Remus. He forced Remus’s knees apart, crawled between them, then cradled Remus’s face in his hands. Sirius leaned lower and stared deeply into his eyes. “D-Don’t you ev-ev-never run away f-from me.”
“What?” James floundered, crashing back against the sink. “Wait, hold on! I don’t understand. You’re pissed…he snogged you…and…I don’t…you were angry…he ran?”
Sirius turned his head comically slowly and aimed a pointed glare at James. “D-Don’t be stupid, Prongs. I kissed him first,” he retorted, narrowing his eyes. “N-Now go away, I need to snog Moony some more.”
Remus’s head snapped up, “No! You’re pissed, Sirius. I should have stopped it before.” He held his hands out, pushing Sirius’s chest. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You won’t be like this tomorrow and I…I don’t want you to…hate me,” he forced out.
“Fuck off!” Sirius groused, swatting his hands away. “I’ve wanted this for-forever. You. I wanted you, M-Moony!”
“No, you don’t. You can’t. I’m not like them, all those pretty-” Remus argued, trying to sit upright.
Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth, silencing him immediately. “F-Fuck you, Remus. D-Don’t you dare-dare try to tell me what I want!” he warned, eyes wild again. “I’m in l-love with you, you tw-twat!”
A sharp inhale preceded James’s hurried exit. He tossed a glance over his shoulder as he retreated to the dorm. “On your own then, Moony. He’s your problem now.” Remus heard the dorm room door close behind him.
All of the air deserted his lungs in a startled huff. Remus blinked rapidly at Sirius, shaking his head in confusion. His brain was so befuddled, it couldn’t begin to process his words. Everything swirled together with his revising from earlier and Remus began spouting random Potions ingredients at him instead. “Thistle. Agonite. Neem oil. Wormwood. Dittany.”
“Remus?” Sirius said, tilting his head to the side. He pulled his hand back and furrowed his brows in concern. “Hey, I didn’t mean to br-break your brain,” he slurred quietly. “It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. I’m not angry about it.”
All he could do was stare. Sirius Fucking Black just said he was in love with him. Remus didn’t dare to blink, terrified that if he did he’d wake up and discover this was all a sick, twisted dream. He didn’t think he’d ever recover if that happened. Not when he’d fancied Sirius for years and never allowed himself to imagine for one moment it was returned.
“Um, can you say something, p-please?” Sirius asked, worry drawing his brows even tighter together. “Remus? Can you hear me?”
His gaze lifted to Sirius’s brows and he grinned. Reaching up to smooth them back into their normal positions with his thumbs, Remus chuckled, “Absurd.”
Sirius bit his lip hard, his eyes searching Remus’s face intently. When he didn’t say anything else, Sirius’s shoulders dropped and his gaze fell to the floor. “It’s alright, Remus. I didn’t really expect you’d feel the same,” he whispered, leaning back onto his heels. “I know, I’m a lot.”
“That’s true,” Remus agreed, nodding slowly. “You are a lot.”
His head snapped up, hurt filling his face. “Too much? For you?”
Remus sighed, brushing Sirius's hair back from his eyes. “You were never too much for me, Sirius. I just don’t know what to say. You’re completely pissed and I don’t want to ruin things,” he admitted.
Sirius’s face lit up, “Really?”
“Obviously, since I nearly attacked you down there.”
“I want-“
Remus covered Sirius’s mouth with his hand and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tempt me, Sirius. You are in no position to argue.”
“Put me in the position to ar-argue then,” Sirius replied stubbornly, pulling Remus’s hand away.
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, “Surely, the biggest swot in G-Gryffindor Tower has P-Pepper-Up potion stashed somewhere?”
Cringing hard, Remus shook his head, “That’s not for alcohol consumption, it’s for exhaustion.”
“It works the same as a shite t-tonne of coffee!” Sirius insisted, lifting to his feet. He swayed slightly as he swivelled toward the doorway. “Where?’
Remus sighed, “In my bag.”
He bolted into the dorm, immediately tripping over someone’s abandoned shoes. Sirius picked himself up and searched the bag next to Remus’s bed. Letting out a triumphant noise, he reappeared with the small bottle in hand. Before Remus could caution him on drinking too much, Sirius downed the entire bottle.
“Sirius! You only needed a little bit,” Remus said, jumping to his feet.
“It’s f-fine! Give it a minute,” Sirius answered, waving his hand dismissively.
Remus huffed as he pulled out his wand to quickly dry out his clothes and shoes, ignoring the wave of embarrassment over his dramatic tantrum. He then turned his wand on Sirius and dried his shirt as well. Of course, Sirius couldn’t just stand there and make things easy for him. He had to wriggle around and complain about being ticklish.
“Stand still!” Remus ordered, clasping a hand on his shoulder.
Sirius froze, staring up at him in surprise. His face flushed a moment later as he raked a hand through his hair. “Fuck, Moony,” he said under his breath.
Ignoring his nonsense, Remus dried off his clothes and then blasted the warm air into Sirius’s face, making him squeal. He goon-grinned back at him as he bounded into the dorm to escape. Remus chased after Sirius, wand extended, “Your hair is still wet! Do not get on my bed!”
In typical Sirius fashion, he immediately changed directions and aimed specifically for Remus’s bed. Despite his much longer legs, Remus couldn’t catch up with him in time to thwart his efforts. Sirius’s energy was out of control. He jumped into the air and performed some sort of tumbling move before crash landing into Remus’s bed. The drapes fluttered wildly around him.
“Sirius! Now my pillow is wet,” Remus chastised, rolling his eyes.
As soon as he was close enough, Sirius reached out and grabbed his jumper with both hands. He pulled Remus into the bed with so much force he ended up sprawled on top of Sirius. Quickly planting his hands on the mattress, Remus tried to shift off of him, but Sirius wasn’t having it. His hands slid underneath Remus’s jumper and gripped his back tight.
“Stay,” he breathed out, eyes trained on Remus’s face.
Remus cleared his throat, trying to reign in his body’s immediate reaction to such intimate contact with Sirius. Even though they were still fully clothed, their hips were pressed together and if he didn’t move soon, this was going to become extremely awkward. He shook his head, “Not a great idea right now.”
“Why? I’m fine,” Sirius insisted, blinking rapidly at Remus. “Not even slurring anymore.”
“Right, but I’m-” His words cut off when Sirius tightened his grip on Remus, his fingers digging into his hips. He leaned up and pecked at Remus’s lips, then pressed kisses to his chin and the corner of his mouth. The kisses continued unabated, brushing over his cheek and jaw before trailing down his neck. Every little kiss was sweet and intentional, as though Sirius was projecting his adoration into them.
Love. Sirius said he was in love with him. Remus wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. Surely, he was being dramatic and facetious. They weren’t even dating or anything. That was ridiculous. Sirius was ridiculous.
“Stop it,” Sirius said, nipping at his ear lobe. “I can hear your gears turning, Moony. Less thinking, more snogging.”
Remus winced, “Are you sure you don’t just fancy me? I mean, you had a lot to drink and-”
“Nope, we passed fancying last year at some point,” he said, humming against Remus’s neck. “I said what I said and I’m not taking it back. Deal with it.”
Sirius latched on to his neck and sucked hard at his pulse point. A sharp rush of pleasure shot through Remus’s body and lit up every nerve. He inhaled sharply as his eyes drifted closed. With a determined focus he rarely showed to anything outside of pranks, Sirius laved over Remus’s neck with his tongue, teeth, and lips until Remus melted into his arms. His brain firmly shut off, unable to focus on anything other than the sensations Sirius was creating.
All on their own, Remus’s hands slid up into Sirius’s hair and combed through the dark waves. His hair was so soft and he smelled so bloody good now that he didn’t reek of alcohol. He smoothed one hand down to the nape of Sirius’s neck, encouraging the assault on his neck. This was something out of one of his fantasies, he was convinced. The fittest bloke in school was obsessed with him of all people.
“Moony?” Sirius said, suddenly detaching from his throat.
“Hmm?” he replied, still dazed and more than a little turned on.
Sirius smirked, “Enjoying yourself?”
“I was. Are you?”
“Definitely, but I need to ask a quick question.”
“Go on.”
He studied Remus’s face for a moment, then slid his hands further up Remus’s back. “Can we be boyfriends now? I don’t want to wait. No need to play the ‘getting to know you’ bullshite when we’ve been friends for so long.”
“That’s true…” Remus trailed off, blinking slowly. “...but I thought-”
“What?”
Remus looked down at him, meeting his crystal clear blue eyes. “This doesn’t seem real. How do I know you mean it? I don’t understand where all of this came from, Sirius,” he admitted, folding his arms over Sirius’s chest and resting his chin on top.
“Well, see you’re missing a few bits,” Sirius said, stroking his fingers up and down Remus’s spine. “I figured out I was in love with you today and promptly had a panic attack. While I was staring at you in the library and wishing I could just walk over and snog you senseless…”
“What? That’s why you were hiding in the stacks?” Remus asked, eyes wide and incredulous.
“Yes, but don’t interrupt,” Sirius teased, lifting his head to kiss the end of Remus’s nose. “Anyway, you decided to stretch out that fit body of yours and let out that disgustingly sexy groan, which immediately gave me a hard on, so thanks for that-”
Remus choked on his own spit, then abruptly rolled onto the bed and buried his face in the pillows. He was not prepared for Sirius’s blunt descriptions and the images they conjured in his mind. Cursing under his breath, Remus rubbed at the growing heat on the back of his neck.
“As I was saying,” Sirius continued, rolling closer and brushing Remus’s curls back from his ear. “When you stretched, your jumper lifted a little and I could see your belly. All I could think about was wanting to-”
“Sirius, stop teasing. Get to the point,” Remus muttered into his pillow.
Sirius chuckled, “Right, right. When you found me in the stacks, I was hit with this overwhelming need to tell you I loved you. From out of nowhere! It hit me right in the chest and knocked the air clean out of my lungs. Then, you go and tell me you’re hungry, sending my mind right back to my prick.” He leaned forward and licked the outer shell of Remus’s ear. “You know, ‘I have something you can eat’ was what I should have said, but I was overwhelmed and ran instead.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Mm-hmm, but back to the matter at hand. Boyfriends?” Sirius suggested, sidling up close to him. “Please?”
Remus turned his head to meet Sirius’s eyes, “You really want to be my boyfriend?”
“Obviously. More importantly though, I want you to be my boyfriend,” Sirius said, his smirk returning full force. “All mine.”
A soft snort escaped him as he fought back a grin. Remus couldn’t help it. He was so bloody gorgeous and with that smirk lighting his lips, there was no use fighting it anymore. Leaning over, he kissed Sirius. Immediately, his boyfriend lit up and threw his arms around his neck, returning the kiss fervently. Love felt like coming home for the first time. Safe, happy, and adored.