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There are few things as blissful as the early morning dawn.
That five AM period where the sky is just barely starting to lighten, still a dark indigo, but the moon and stars sinking below the horizon.
The only thing better than that early morning dawn, Ethan thinks, is sharing it with someone you love.
He wasn’t usually up at this time, but he’d woken up needing to use the restroom. As much as he needed to satisfy that urge, he was having an incredibly difficult time pulling himself out of bed with the man next to him.
He and Mark had been together for over two years, but due to a million and a half different circumstances this was their first night together. It had been long ago established that Ethan loved Mark with everything he had, but somehow this moment, this intimately shared silence, made Ethan feel like his heart was ready to explode.
He could hardly believe it when the opportunity had arisen for the “sleepover”, as Mark had jokingly called it. After an incredible evening of some, ahem, ‘activities’, both men were more than ready to hit the hay. Still, beyond everything else, it still made something in Ethan melt to be able to lie down next to the man he loved, say goodnight, and still be next to each other rather than the hundreds of times of “I love you, goodnight” over facetime or text.
The indigo of the sky. The soft yellow glow of the streetlights outside shining through the window. Stomachs full from the meal they had shared earlier, giggling and laughing together, both hardly believing what was to come.
The soft huffs of Mark’s sleeping breaths. When Ethan rolled to his side, careful not to wake his boyfriend, he swore he had never seen anything more stunning than the man he loved with all his heart peacefully sleeping beside him. Wrapped up in a fluffy blue comforter (They had two of them on the bed because Mark insisted on turning into a burrito in his sleep and Ethan still wanted some blanket for himself), with fluffy dark hair poking out, soft and sticking up in all directions from the combination of sleep and Ethan running his hands through it as they cuddled before bed.
Love is an incredible thing, Ethan thinks to himself.
For him, it feels warm. It reminds him of the warmth he feels when he buries his head in the space between Mark’s shoulder and neck and burrows as deep as he can into the hug. It’s the way he feels when he cracks a joke that makes Mark snort and roll his eyes playfully. It’s curled on the ground with the dogs, and evenings spent going to the grocery store, making a nice dinner together, and enjoying it curled up on the couch watching T.V.
It’s even better when Ethan makes some chocolate chip cookies to enjoy after dinner- still warm, and his mom’s recipe of course.
Ethan had never pictured this being his life- he grew up in Maine, working hard in school, gymnastics, and then his channel. He’d never budgeted in the plan of a partner. Sure, he assumed he'd fall in love and start a family at some point , but he had way too much stuff to do first. That was a Future Ethan problem.
And then Mark fell into his life. A massive crush turned into puppy love, to best friends, to Mark Finally getting it into his thick head that Ethan was interested, to a new relationship and virtual date nights through covid to falling in love to ending up here.
Two years. Two years, hundreds of nights, jokes, hours with friends. Videos, tears, late night conversations, and each privately wondering if this was worth it and would it work. Snuggling with the puppies, arms around each other with friends, the rare holding hands in public, although they both much preferred the quiet of their own homes.
Mark teaches Ethan traditional Korean recipes, and Ethan introduces him to lobster, whoopie pies, and some real good New England comfort food. They talk about the future, watch the entirety of The Office together before it leaves Netflix (Mark has seen it, Ethan has not).
They spend Valentine's day together, and take time on other holidays too, if nothing else, to make sure to spend some time together over the phone while they’re with their own families. Mark listens to Ethan talk about his interests, and Ethan learns about Mark’s
All of these things are what love is to Ethan. Meals and walking the dogs and curled up evenings on the couch where movies turn into make outs. It’s hugs and snuggles and kisses and “good luck!!!” texts and nose boops and the way Mark’s eyes light up when they land on Ethan.
All of these things are love to him. Love that has filled his heart and radiates from his soul, that he can feel in his eyes and his lungs and his hands every time they brush Mark’s. He finally sits up, carefully pulling himself away from the warmth of the bed he and Mark now share. The air of the room is a crisp cold, December in Maine making itself known even through shut windows and cozy pajamas and the fuzzy gray slippers that Ethan manages to quietly find in the dark.
It’s good to be home. It’s even better to be home with Mark, tucked away in a hotel room in the college town of Orono just north of Bangor, looking forward to driving down to Portland, to Cape Elizabeth, (Home!) with Mark in just a few short hours for the holidays.
He’s extra quiet coming back to bed with Mark, his eyes readjusting to the darkness of the room from the blinding bathroom lights. For all his efforts though, Mark briefly stirs.
“Eef?” He slurs, still half asleep “why’re you up? Come back to bed hon”, shifting and slightly opening his arms, already dozing back off.
Somehow, it’s possible for Ethan’s heart to grow even more to accommodate the rush of sheer Love he feels for the man before him. As he crawls back into bed, cuddling up in the arms of his once again sleeping love, he is beyond a shadow of a doubt sure that there is nowhere else in the world he would rather be.