Chapter Text
Sakura’s fans were being kinda creepy online. Sakura had probably started to notice it in her fan meet and greets too, that some of them were starting to ask if she could date them, which Kotaro would casually cut in and find some sort of coincidental reason to shut down the whole meet and greet so Sakura wouldn’t be worried, but it was getting worse and worse lately.
The other girls seemed to notice it too. Ai and Junko didn’t seem to have as creepy fans because people shipped them. Fans were scared of Tae and Saki, Lily was a kid, and Yugiri had experience with either entertaining the fantasies, or shutting them down in a way that made people actually happy, so all the creepy was directed at Sakura.
Not only did Kotaro have the Sakura issue to deal with, (which he currently was doing by finding people’s accounts online that made…lewd statements about Sakura. He then searched for incriminating or controversial takes on their accounts, located their employment office or home address and sent terrible posts to them, as well as posting their address online. He didn’t really have morals when it came to doxing), but he had another problem to deal with too.
Ookaba had called him yesterday. He had told him over the phone that other reporters were trying to research Franchouchou. That they were starting to get suspicious of Franchouchou and preparing to do as intensive research on them as he did. Not because they thought all the girls were zombies, but because the squeaky cleanness of their record was bothering reporters.
None of the girls had names that anyone had found, or identities, so nobody could run reports on secrets from their past, exposed! It was actually rather boring. And when reporters were bored, they tended to try to jump at any scandal they could.
“The fact that you’re all so squeaky clean is making so many people suspicious. Why, nobody can even find your records! Who even is Kotaro Tatsumi??? They’re going to be on you like a hawk now and watching you like a hawk is going to expose that you’ve somehow resurrected the dead, and then the country is going to go crazy over that, and it’s going to be a mess. If you really want to support those girls dreams you have to do something.” Ookaba warned. “SO HANDLE IT. SOMEHOW.”
“Handle it how?” Kotaro asked. “Give the girls fake backgrounds or something?” He suggested.
“I don’t know! You think of that. But what the public really wants is a scandal. A scandal will stop making people wonder what’s happening with Franchouchou and maybe they’ll stop thinking your major gimmick is looking like dead celebrities. Reporters, fans, everyone loves a scandal in my industry.” Ookaba advised.
“Ah. So I get it. You need me to fake one.” Kotaro realized what this call was about. Ookaba was a much better ally than an enemy. Even if he knew Ookaba still didn’t like him, at least he was trying to help the girls. “Okay. I’ll think of some good scandal. Thanks.”
“You better give me the information on that fake scandal, first and foremost—” Ookaba told him.
Kotaro hung up, ignoring him. He didn’t care about Ookaba’s opinion. Just a way to figure out how to save Franchouchou.
Now Kotaro was trying to think up a scandal. But he kept getting distracted by having internet arguments of why nobody should comment on the size of Sakura’s breasts.
If only I could think of a scandal that would get creepy dude-bros to realize that they don’t own Sakura…Kotaro sighed. That she’s not theirs and that she’s completely off limits.
Suddenly he got an idea. He could do that!
“GOOD MORNING GIRLS!” Kotaro walked into the dungeon, dressed in a reporter’s hat and a camera around his neck. He needed to get the girls in the right mood for the dramatics he was about to suggest.
“I’m guessing we’re taking more photos by your outfit.” Ai groaned.
“Do we have to?” Saki asked. “Haven’t you noticed fans are starting to be creepy to Sakura????”
“It’s fine.” Sakura waved her hands nervously. “It’s all part of our job, right? And what’s the worst that could happen? They kill me? I’m already dead!”
Kotaro frowned. There are a lot worse things than death, but we’re not at that point yet. Nobody had tried to lay their hands on Sakura…yet. He was prepared to smack someone down though if they even dared touch her hand.
“We aren’t taking pictures!” Kotaro announced, “Today we’re going to talk about controversy! Franchouchou’s attendance rates always sore after a controversy!”
“….They do?” Sakura asked, surprised.
“Yep! People love something forbidden or drama. You were at all time highs of interest when Ai was doing solo shoots and had been rumored to have split from the rest of you, or when Saki kicked Lily’s father. Unfortunately, you’ve all been good little zombies and haven’t done anything controversial lately.” Kotaro mocked.
“That’s because you told us not to be violent!!!” Saki yelled. “If I knew I could kick people I’d be doing it constantly!”
“You aren’t allowed to kick people! Constant violence gets boring, and we don’t want the police after us. Nor do we want Franchouchou to end as an idol group.” Kotaro reminded, “And we don’t want to actually scare people off.”
Saki groaned and slumped into her chair.
“Then why bring any of this up? What kind of controversy are you telling us to do or don’t?” Ai asked confused.
“Maybe we’re murdering Sakura’s fanbase.” Lily said snidely.
“I could enjoy that.” Yugiri smiled. “Are we allowed to murder finally?”
“NO MURDER.” Sakura yelled.
“We don’t even need to murder them!” Ai immediately stepped in before Lily and Yugiri literally killed someone. “A lot of them are getting doxxed online.” She waved her hand, casually. “I guess the Sakura fans are fighting amongst each other now. I say let them rip each other to shreds.”
“Doxxed…?” Junko didn’t understand that word.
Ai explained it to her.
Kotaro made no visible facial movement, as the person who had been doing the doxxing. Thank god I used an alt account. Glad Ai didn’t find me out! He had gotten a little heated in his internet arguments. A lot of really…bad insults and threats.
"ANYWAY,” Kotaro changed the subject, “Ookaba has managed to give me some important intel in the news reporting industry. People are bored of Franchouchou! And more importantly, they’re really interested in stirring something up. Do you know what happens when reporters poke around? Do you? Do you?” He prodded.
“Uhh….They find nothing?” Sakura answered, the only one interested in playing along with Kotaro’s questions.
“NO! They find out that you’re all a bunch of zombies, dumbass!” Kotaro yelled back, “The last reporter you did a really bad job at keeping things secret! Now Ookaba knows your secret, hates my guts and is reluctantly leaking industry secrets to me because he cares so much about you girls.” Kotaro mocked. “Do you want another Ookaba? We won’t luck out and find another guy who will keep his stupid mouth shut!”
Everyone grimaced. They all looked at Tae, since she had been the one that had been exposed on camera and was their weakest link in keeping the secret.
They’d keep things hidden better.
“So…If they’re looking for a scandal…What are we going to do?” Junko asked. “They can’t run the usual expose about something embarrassing from our past. None of us have backgrounds.” She reminded.
“Maybe we leak nudes from Shades past. That’s something, right?” Saki laughed.
“If there were nudes, I’m sure they already would have leaked.” Yugiri pointed out, “He’s not exactly shy about his body.”
Kotaro groaned and pointed at them, accusingly. “YOU ALL AREN’T ALLOWED TO JUDGE ME FOR MY DESIRE TO BATHE AND USE A HOT SPRING OR PUBLIC BATH OR WHATEVER! You blew one of our first missions because you were so desperate to bathe!” He ridiculed.
He was getting off topic.
“If there are nudes or not that’s irrelevant. WHICH THERE AREN’T. I’m not even talking about this. Kotaro Tatsumi’s past is as squeaky clean as the rest of yours! You really think I was stupid enough to link all my graverobbing back to me when I took all your corpses? Morons!” Kotaro yelled.
They all just awkwardly got yelled at.
“Wait, how did you keep your graverobbing a secret?” Sakura asked, concerned. “Are you sure you won’t be found out?”
“I’M NOT AN IDIOT! I OBVIOUSLY WON’T BE FOUND OUT. I’M FINE!” Kotaro yelled, and just continued yelling at them.
Once he was done, he clapped his hand. “Okay then! Franchouchou will be creating a scandal.”
“Huh? Wait, why???” Ai asked, shocked at the sudden change of tone.
“I just told you why! Were you not listening??? Reporters want something because we’re too clean and they’ll start poking around more if we don’t get them something. We can’t have that because you’re zombies. Our interest rises during controversy. So thus we’re creating a scandal.” Kotaro announced.
Sakura nodded. That makes perfect sense! We’ve been avoiding scandals for now, but if it takes some of the heat off us and looking into our non-existent past, I’m sure it will help…And more importantly…
I believe in Kotaro. If he says this is the way to go, I guess it’s the thing we should do! Sakura thought. She smiled brightly at him, absolutely ready to do his bidding.
He tried not to look at her. Her smile was too bright and pretty.
“What kind of scandal?” Saki asked. “Oooh…Do I get to do some violence?”
“No! I’ve thought up the perfect scandal that can destroy two birds with one stone. After all, we have another issue to deal with, right?” Kotaro pointed out, slamming his hands on the podium. “Sakura’s creepy fans!”
“Oh. So you did notice them!” Lily observed.
“Of course, I noticed, you brain dead zombies! I’m her manager, after all! Her fans are starting to feel entitled to her, like they own her or something. That is the illusion that usually goes with being an idol after all. But nobody’s like that with the rest of you.” Kotaro pointed out.
“So what do you suggest then?” Sakura asked, trying not to look too pleased that Kotaro had in fact noticed. I’m really glad that we’ll be trying to deal with the fans though….I don’t really know how to handle them. She was sure Kotaro had a good plan on how to protect her though. He always protected her when it came to other things, like cops.
“We’re going to make Sakura date! Which idols usually don’t do!” Kotaro declared.
Sakura turned pink, her mood immediately shifting out of excitement, to stunned shock. “…HUH?”
“HUH?” Everyone had the same reaction.
“Idols usually aren’t allowed to date, and thus fans get to feel like they sort of own that idol. That they’re in their lives, even though they aren’t! But idols date secretly all the time! We’ll do that, but we’ll leak Sakura’s little secret to the press, drudging up controversy and making people realize that Sakura’s taken and off limits!” Kotaro said, having thought very hard about this.
Junko looked horrified, that they were going to be breaking a normal idol rule.
Ai nodded, actually following along. “It could work…” She admitted.
“It will all be fake though, of course! We’ll all just be putting on a play of pretend.” Kotaro waved his hand.
“Wait, wait, wait, back up!” Sakura stood up, the major victim of this plan. “So I’ll be dating someone for a scandal…”
“Yep.” Kotaro nodded, along.
“And it’ll be fake…” Sakura repeated.
“Bing-o. Guess you can understand something!” Kotaro snapped his fingers.
Sakura frowned. “But who will I be dating????” If Kotaro makes up some nobody for me to date, I’m sure it will be exposed that that person doesn’t exist. Or am I dating someone of his choosing? Who am I dating??? She wasn’t sure if she liked this plan.
She could do most things for Kotaro and Franchouchou, but this was a little hard to wrap her head around, although the others seemed to be nodding along following his logic, aside from Junko. Was she the odd one out?
Kotaro paused at that. He shrugged. “I don’t know. You figure that out yourself.”
“You’re just leaving me to make my own scandal???” Sakura gasped. “I thought you were supposed to be our manager and figure out these details!” She was irritated.
He was. I just…can’t find it in myself to choose someone for Sakura to date…That wasn’t him, at least. Either way, it felt like he was probably too biased to choose her fake partner. And it was probably better for her if he gave her creative freedom.
“I am, but I thought I’d give you some creative freedom in this process. Since you’ll be putting on this little play.” Kotaro told her, fidgeting with some chalk and pretending to be completely disinterested.
Sakura calmed down, realizing he was just being respectful instead of lazy.
“So who do you want to fake date? Ai? Junko? The Junai’s will hate you, but it will definitely drudge up interest if we fake a love triangle.” Kotaro started suggesting.
Ai and Junko both blushed.
“I…I don’t think I could fake date anyone.” Junko confessed. “It’s too hard for me…” She didn’t like being volunteered.
“T-the Junai’s??? We’re being shipped???” Ai asked, even though she already knew they were a big ship.
“Saki? Delinquent girl meets normal girl? Yugiri? She’s pretty sexy. People will definitely be interested in that. Lily? Oooh boy, we would sure definitely get a scandal going from that, but it would be horrible. Tae? Nobody would know what the frick was going on, but they sure would be interested, and you wouldn’t even have to act much different with her since you’re always clinging to one another anyway.” Kotaro pointed out.
Everybody looked a little annoyed when they were being suggested. They didn’t like being volunteered for something against their will, but they all did want to support and help Sakura. So they glanced at her, and managed to hold their tongue, ready to go with whatever Sakura decided.
“It’s all up to you!” Kotaro said, “So which member of Franchouchou do you want to fake date?”
Choose Tae. Kotaro hoped. He didn’t really want to see Sakura fake hug anyone. But he’d mentally prepare himself just in case she didn’t choose Tae.
“M-me? Choose? Anyone?” Sakura asked, turning pink.
“Yep. Anyone in this room. Everybody in Franchouchou knows you’re a zombie, after all. I could fake a scandal with any combination of you two.” Kotaro waved his hand.
“Wait! Wait, what will Sakura even be doing in this fake relationship?” Ai asked. “Hugging? Holding hands? Going on fake dates?” She wanted to know what Sakura’s victim was signing up for.
Kotaro shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Get some responsibility!” Saki threw her arm at him. He dodged. “At least tell her what she has to be doing!”
“Hugging and kissing on camera, I’m assuming?” Yugiri suggested. “Does that work for you, Lord Kotaro?”
Kotaro took a deep breathe because he knew he couldn’t forever avoid the idea of Sakura kissing someone else. “Y-yeah. I guess that would make sense. It may be fake, but we have to make it convincing. So, choose someone you can hug, fake date, kiss, that sort of thing.” He waved his hand, trying to be super vague. “Hmm…You think we would go to jail if you chose Lily?” He said mostly to himself.
Sakura was red as soon as he mentioned kissing. Why is this scandal on my shoulders? I guess to keep me safe, but…I have to kiss someone? One of my fellow members of Franchouchou??? Like on the lips? Or does he mean cheek kisses? AHH! WHY IS THIS ALL ON MY SHOULDERS??? She looked at her friends.
She couldn’t imagine kissing any of them. She didn’t really want to.
“Hurry up, Sakura, I don’t have all day, I have things to do,” Kotaro shrugged. Internet arguments to be in. Fake dates to plan for you, that sort of thing. “Who are you going to choose? Anyone of Franchouchou will volunteer.”
“WE DIDN’T SAY THAT WE’D VOLUNTEER!” Saki yelled, “But you’re right…We want to help out, I just don’t like the idea of you sacrificing us against our will…” She grumbled. “Well…I guess it’s not against our will, if we do actually want to help out. So choose any of us, Sakura.”
Kotaro laughed at her. “Sucks to be a sacrifice, You dumb zombies!” He mocked.
Saki got ready to punch him, but stopped herself when she heard Sakura start stammering again.
“I…I c-can choose anyone? Anyone in this room?” Sakura asked again.
“Uh-huh. So here’s your chance to finally kiss Ai even though she’s very much Junko’s girlfriend.” Kotaro joked.
“SHUT UP!” Ai threw her hand at him now. Kotaro dodged.
Junko blushed, “S-she’s not my…If she was, I wouldn’t want Sakura kissing her!” She looked apologetic at Sakura.
Kotaro ignored them. “So who’s your choice?”
Sakura had started to think as soon as Kotaro had told her to choose anyone she wanted. She was embarrassed about his plan, and a little irritated that he had volunteered everyone in Franchouchou without their permission, but she understood where he was coming from.
They needed to make a scandal and deter creepy fans. And this was the best he had come up with.
But she kept coming back to the thought that there was only really one person she’d want was willing to fake date.
She blushed.
…No. Don’t suggest this because it’s the only person you want to date. Do it to irritate him, just a little. Sakura decided. For Franchouchou’s sake, since he sacrificed them. She mentally justified her choice.
“…You.” Sakura chose, blushing.
“….What.” Kotaro hadn’t been expecting that answer. “WHAT?”
Ai’s mouth dropped open. Saki laughed.
“Oh my god. That’s too funny. You sacrificed us without regard to our feelings and now you’ve been chosen. Face the music, Shades. Congrats on your so happy new relationship.”
Lily fell off her chair laughing as Kotaro looked absolutely pale.
“NO. No. No! You can’t choose me! You must want to choose someone else, right??? Like Tae or someone or…” He was blanking. He hadn’t exactly said not to choose him. He was in the room. “You can’t choose me! I’m your 29 year old manager!”
“Why can’t I choose you? You wanted a scandal, right?” Sakura pointed out, crossing her legs. “If Lily was on the table, shouldn’t you be too?”
Kotaro had no words.
“And Lady Sakura’s age isn’t publicly released anyway. You could always say she’s older than she is!” Yugiri smiled, trying to help.
“Shut up, Yugiri! Do you know what I just said she had to do????” Kotaro pointed out. No. No. I can back-track! We can just make it look like we’re kissing for cameras…And….Isn’t this the best scenario for me? I don’t have to watch Sakura date someone else…But no. No. It’s a bad idea. I’d be a bad boyfriend. Sakura’s just suggesting this to get under my skin. Kotaro’s mind was going a mile a minute.
“….You know…Now that I think about it, Sakura dating our Manager should provide the most controversy like you wanted…” Ai said slowly, “And I think it’s funny that you have to do something you’ll hate.”
“Do you hate the idea of dating me, Kotaro?” Sakura asked, wide-eyed.
“Careful. You don’t want to make your girlfriend sad.” Saki laughed again, pounding her hands on Tae’s shoulder because she was laughing so hard.
“I…I…I…” Kotaro genuinely had no words. Apparently, they had truly broken Kotaro with this suggestion. If they had any idea that the concept of dating Sakura took out any yelling they would have suggested it long before. His expression of pure shock was absolutely funny.
Sakura looked sad that he wasn’t answering.
“…F-fine. Fine. I did say anyone. And Ai m-makes a point that is definitely a point.” Kotaro nodded, agreeing to Sakura’s suggestion.
Yugiri leaned back and smiled.
“WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT, DUMBASS!?” Kotaro yelled, trying to recover. “You like the idea of me having to date one of the undead underage idols, huh?”
“Oh. Well, I don’t really think Sakura’s underage anymore. She was born 29 years ago, was she not?” Yugiri pointed out, “And I wasn’t smiling about that. Your embarrassment just reminded me so much of Kiichi. I thought it was sweet.”
“I don’t know who that is and I don’t care! It’s not sweet and I’m not embarrassed!” Kotaro insisted.
“…You aren’t?” Even Junko was skeptical. His face was so red. They had never seen Kotaro that embarrassed.
Saki gave Sakura a thumbs up, chuckling still.
Sakura wasn’t exactly sure if this was a victory or not. Was it good that Kotaro hated the idea this much and was this embarrassed? And once he recovered, she was going to have to deal with having to…look like a couple with him.
It’ll be okay. We’re only in public together sometimes. Holding hands…I’m sure we can do. And whatever kissing he was suggesting is probably short and for the cameras. I can do that. I can do it. Sakura thought to herself.
They could be normal back at home.
“I’m not! I can do this!” Kotaro seemed to be having the same terror. “I learned to make zombies so I can do anything! Okay, Sakura??? I’m your fake boyfriend now! I’ll figure out how to leak the story asap. And…A-and…God how long do I gotta do this?”
Sakura stared at him. “It was your idea. Why don’t you figure that out?” Why had he suggested something he had no plans on how to handle?
Kotaro gave a glum little nod.
“Oh. Could you please not yell at me in public anymore?” Sakura suggested, “Since I’m your girlfriend now!" She smiled to herself.
Kotaro gasped. “WAIT, WAS THIS YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG? TO GET ME TO STOP YELLING AT YOU?”
Sakura giggled and rubbed the back of her head. …Sure.
“Diabolical.” Saki realized, “And smart! Honestly, I’d take the hit too. I’d have to kiss Shades a bit for it, but it might be worth it.”
Sakura immediately flushed at the mention that she would have to kiss Kotaro.
Kotaro was still lagging from the conversation. “CRAP. NO.” He refused, “I’m changing that immediately! Remember when I said you had to kiss someone? I lied. We’re not doing that.” I wouldn’t be able to handle kissing Sakura….And I wasn’t that serious or detailed about the actions she had to do in the fake relationship. It will be fine. It will be fine. He tried not to explode in front of the idols or look like he was having a heart attack.
Sakura narrowed her eyes. “Wait. So it’s okay to sacrifice my lips, but not yours? That’s not fair!”
“Sucks to be you. I’m just not fair like that.” Kotaro shrugged.
“No! If we want to make things look convincing to the cameras, we absolutely have to kiss!” Sakura insisted, “You aren’t allowed to duck out just because you don’t want to, if you were going to force me to kiss someone else!” Sakura sounded irritated.
Kotaro knew he should try to appease her anger, but he knew he couldn’t afford to kiss Sakura at any cost. Because he’d probably faint, or be way too into it. So instead he mocked her.
“Didn’t know you wanted to kiss me so much, Sakura. Wow.” Kotaro teased, always deflecting via teasing.
Sakura covered her face. “N-no! No. That wasn’t what I was saying! I was just irritated—”
Yugiri clapped. “Well, you have the old married couple vibe down completely! Good for you two!”
They both glared at her.
Kotaro decided that he had enough of this conversation.
I need to figure out how to fake a relationship well enough so that Sakura doesn’t figure out my feelings, the creeps buy it, and Ookaba doesn’t kill my ass for dating one of my zombie idols. I’m sure he will hate the scandal I ended up creating though….
“Okay, enough of this. Our fake scandal is just one aspect of our work to save Saga. We have tons of other work to do. So shut up about any of this. I’ll…figure out how to handle it.” Kotaro volunteered, “Now let’s discuss your latest routine…”
He had a lot to do, and he desperately wanted to keep his mind off of what he had to fake with Sakura.
There was other work to be done.
…How am I going to survive? He found himself thinking though.