Chapter Text
Quackity sits in front of his communicator for what feels like hours.
He got the invitation not too long ago. Kiniko Kingdom had sent a letter to Las Nevadas, a letter for the White Banquet. The White Banquet.
He recognized Sapnap’s handwriting, the little note from Karl. They wanted him to come over, and asked him to a banquet with tons of people there. They were inviting everybody apparently, everyone except for the Eggpire, which was understandable.
Techno would be there, his whole crew, the Syndicate was invited. The people up in Snowchester were invited too. They even asked him, they had the audacity to ask him if he wanted to bring a “plus one” outside of the Las Nevadas crew (who were all invited). A plus one!
He loved them, you know. Once upon a time he loved them so fucking much, and he could hardly believe that they put up with all of his bullshit, but it didn't mean anything in the end. They wanted to know if he’d moved on. Well fine, if they wanted to know if he’d moved on so bad, then maybe he’d tell them just that.
Because he had moved on, totally and completely, and he wasn't upset in the slightest about his two fiances who didn't seem to care about him anymore. Who left and made a country without him.
So, he went and made his own, and he was doing fine in Las Nevadas, but that was besides the point! A plus one. He was going to bring a plus one. Who could he bring? Maybe Charlie, but Charlie was too stupid to even pretend to be romantically interested in Quackity.
Who could he bring that would put up a good facade for his fiancés to believe he was in love with? That he would leave them for. Who would…? And then the idea came to him, and now he was sitting in front of the goddamn communicator, and it was four o'clock in the fucking morning, and he had a call to make. Was this a bad idea?
Perhaps. Maybe. But he wasn't scared, just… apprehensive. There were so many different ways this could go. But first, he had to make the conversation and figure it out. He had to. Fuck. Okay. He picked up the comm and dialed a familiar number (how the man managed to have the same fucking number after being dead was news to him, but whatever) and then waited for a ring in. Finally, it buzzed.
“Hello?” a familiar voice rang out from the other end, and Quackity sighed.
“Hello, Wilbur,” he muttered. He could practically hear Wilbur’s little ears perk up like some kind of fucked up corgi upon realizing who it was. There was some shuffling on the other end, a door closing.
“Quackity!” Wilbur echoed back at him. “Hello! What brings you to call? And uh- how do you still have my number?” he asked, and God, Quackity could hear the smile on the insufferable man’s face. He wished Wilbur could see him roll his eyes. He can't, of course.
“I write down everybody’s comm number. Regardless, Wilbur, I have a… favor, to ask of you. Have you gotten an invitation to the White Banquet?” Wilbur made an annoyed sound.
“No, actually, but I've heard of it. Tommy got an invite, but not many people know I'm back. I doubt they'd invite me even if they did.”
“Right.” Quackity sighed. “Prime, why am I even- okay. Listen Wilbur, you know Sapnap and Karl Jacobs?” Wilbur scoffed.
“Uh, yeah. I don't know Karl very well but I know that Sapnap’s favorite past times include killing pets and setting forests on fire.”
“Yeah, he’s a bit of a pyro. Whatever. They're my fiances.” He was met with silence. “Wilbur?” More silence, a bit of shuffling.
“Ah,” Wilbur said, voice stiff. “Right. I didn't… wasn't aware of that. Hm. Well that's- i'm not entirely sure how that happened, but there are a lot of things i'm not sure of anymore, and i'm- certainly very happy for you-”
“We aren't on good terms.” More silence.
“Oh really?” Wilbur asked, and Quackity was pretty sure that he heard a purr in his voice this time. God damn it. Why was he doing this again? “What a shame-”
“Yeah, yeah, Wilbur, you can get all weird about it later,” Quackity snapped. “Sapnap, Karl and George-” he spit the last name like a curse. “-started a country without me. Anyway, they're hosting the White Banquet. And they asked me if I wanted to… Oh Prime, they asked me if I wanted to bring a plus one.” Once again, silence.
“Listen, I'm going to be frank with you,” Wilbur started. “I know i'm not really supposed to be assuming anything, Alexis, but i'm not exactly sure what i'm supposed to think when you-”
“I want you to be the plus one,” Quackity interrupted, tired. “Not necessarily because I want to be with you, I don't. No committed relationships or anything are on my mind. I don't want to fuck you either-” Wilbur made a choked noise at that, and Quackity couldn't help but feel a bit satisfied
“-I just need something to tick of my fiancés, and that has your name written all over it. So, I want- I want you to pretend to me my date to this stupid banquet. In return, I'll… reconsider your offer to join Las Nevadas.”
He was going to regret that, but it wasn't a guarantee that he was going to let Wilbur join. He didn't plan on it, not at all, if he was being honest, but it was enough to lead him on, hopefully.
“Ah!” Wilbur responded. “That's a fantastic deal! When is the White Banquet, again?”
“Three days from now. I know it's short notice but-”
“No, not short notice at all. When would you like me to stop by Las Nevadas?” Quackity sighed.
“Prime. In two days? If that works?”
“Perfect!” Wilbur responded, still incredibly excited, and Quackity was beginning to wonder just how much sleep his old friend was running on to be this enthusiastic and loud. “Wonderful! I will- erm, I will be there, Quackity. I'm looking forward to seeing you-”
“Yeah,” Quackity muttered. “Of course. Yeah. Obviously. Fuck. Okay. See you.” With that he shut off the communicator and sighed, leaning back. What had he gotten himself into this time? But Prime, he wanted to see Wilbur again, and he was much too tired to think about that and what it could mean.
First, he had to figure out if Fundy was going to the Banquet, or at least find a way to keep him out of the way when Wilbur arrived. He really didn't feel like dealing with that. Just a quick deal. He'd go to the banquet, try to spite Karl and Sapnap as best as he could, and then Wilbur would leave, and things would be normal again!
(Things would not, in fact, be normal again)